Lord Dice's page

Oops, missed this one over the weekend.

Clears throat.

Sacred prostitute? What, you don't think I'm down to earth enough to play a common streetwalker? Though maybe one who has managed to claw her way up the social ladder slave ("I prefer handmaiden.") to Matron of the house, that sounds a bit more awesome.

You know what, never mind the pbp, I think I just met the newest resident of Manse Dice.

I've been reading David Sedaris' new book, Let's Explore Diabetes with Owls, and a french language comic book (graphic novel to all you snobs out there) called L'Imperatrice Rouge.

You'd like it, Doodlebug. It's set in the near future, in a world where the October Revolution failed and the Czars conquered Europe (or, as people of my station call it, Heaven). At least, I think that's what is about; my french is fairly terrible, so I'm reduced to exclaiming, "That character just introduced herself, and her names Adja!" or, "Someone just said something about a library!"

I'm not saying you can become fluent by reading (or whatever) foreign language comic books, but it broadens your mind. Look, whatever, the pictures are pretty.

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Charles Scholz wrote:

Goblinproofing Your Chicken Coop

Just saw this book. Thought I would share.

[Adds Citizens Scholz, Bakeley and Marsh to the List of Enemies of the Revolution to be dealt with on the Night of the Stinking Buzzards, which, of course, is headed by Paizo.}

[Adds Sirs Scholz, Bakaley, and Marsh to list of the Knights of Dice, in honor of their service to the Dice Estate.]

Look, Doodlebug, I know you've got a soft spot for goblins--hell, I know you are a goblin--but every single one of my tenant farmers complains about the loss of chickens to indigent, thieving goblins.

...Excuse me? How much rent I charge my tenant farmers, and the quality of my rental properties, is immaterial to this conversation!

Edit: And yeah, the whole reason I came to the books thread to start with was to commiserate about the death of Chinua Achebe. Sucks.

Comrade Anklebiter wrote:

Anyway, I just don't understand how the tax increases on half-millionaires or whatever it was, alongside increased taxes on the rest of the population constitutes "punishing the rich" is all.

The poor rich are already working so hard creating jobs for the rest of us out of the pure goodness of their hearts that insulting them by taking a few more of the precious dollars that haven't already been taxed away hurts them so badly. We're like ungrateful children, snapping at the hand that feeds us.

(I have no idea where that metaphor went wrong. It got away from me somewhere in the middle. Try this:)

The rich are like angry gods. Only the continuous sacrifice of more and more tax cuts will cause them to use their magical job creating powers to save us.

Tax cuts are least of what we deserve, you Commies!

Taldor will rise again!

Second, I would allow duels, but only when properly administered by an appointed official. And could be to first blood, or death.

I'm not saying you're wrong, but at this point, we've left a democratic government well behind us, right?

Taldor will rise again!

Dicemeister?

My title is Lord Dice.

(Snooty inflection.)

Oh, what am I reading? Well, I've been reading by candlelight, lately. :P

Vive le Galt!

Taldor will rise again!

1 person marked this as a favorite.

There's plenty of overlap between the two; I give discounts on DiceCo{tm} products to those who pledge me their fealty.

I'm just hoping Indulgences make a comeback in this breve new world. *wink*

Don Juan de Doodlebug wrote:

Some non-communist news for y'all

I myself have often wondered about this.

an interesting one.

I always assumed it because people aren't that articulate when having a visceral emotional reaction to something; Like panicking, but from cuteness, for less then a second.

And, of course, cute little puppies are delicious.

Gobbo, tell me something... Why isn't the right calling it Cultural Stalinism?

Honestly? Because by doing that you ignore China. The whole point of Cultural Marxism is that you look at a diverse society and say, "This is just as bad as the Cultural Revolution!"

Don't you remember how awesome everything was up until the sixties? No? Well, speaking for the plutocracy, I do.

Taldor shall rise again!

Racists and plutocrats, you will all pay!!!

Except for Comrade Gnomunist who is quite correct that there are no copyright laws on the collective but here in the belly of the beast, in the words of Tracy Marrow,

I gotta get paid tonight, you're motherf@&@ing right
think of my grip, check my biznitch, keep my game tight.

Vive le Galt!

I pay all the time; having the means to pay for goods and services is what puts me above the unwashed masses.

I swear, the things you have to explain to goblins . . .

See, this is my problem right here:

I would say not very sustainable.

Thought I don't mean that in a "the sky is falling" way. Just that, given current technology, the planet couldn't support a U.S. lifestyle for seven billion people.

Our current model is very sustainable so long as we only give nice things like electrical power to the upper echelons of society. First world lifestyle for the third world has never been a big part of our civilization.

...What?

It wasn't a paladin...

While I, as a member of the higher classes, must side with Her Royal Majesty, Lady Dice and Dicey both demand that I tell you they think your great uncle to be "Totally f%%*ing awesome!" (Dicey's words, not mine.)

1 person marked this as a favorite.

She might not have mentioned it, but there was queer theory stuff happening in the 70s and 80s. There can be / is a deep divide between LGBT folks and feminists, depending on your flavour of feminist. Pornography/eroticism/BDSM are issues that separates a lot for instance, mainstream feminism rejects them as oppressive, queer theory can embrace them.

On the other hand, I, as a scion of the Patriarchy, spend a good deal of my time listening to Patti Smith while perusing Robert Mapplethorpe photos.* I'm not saying you're wrong, but the smartest of my gay friends had to take Women's Studies in college, because they hadn't even renamed it Gender Studies at that point. (Late eighties, early nineties.)

*Yes, the garden parties at the Dice Estate are totally rockin', but not for the timid of any persuasion.

Our culturally marxist hockey training has crushed you capitalist pig dogs at world juniors. Is glorious.

http://sports.nationalpost.com/2012/12/30/goaltenders-steal-show-in-canadas -win-over-u-s-at-world-juniors/

Keeps talking like that, and we capitalist pig dogs will avail ourselves of youth swordplay. :P

Fouquier-Tinville wrote:

I hope you don't mean Ms. Corday. Although, she did have quite a charming head...

Srly, though, yay!! When you get a chance we demand baby pix!!

Apparently, I have been missing on some of the fun.

Congrats on your knowledge of the subject, though.

I can't say I approve of your life choices, Andrée, but welcome to the party. (Yes, it's invite-only.)

This does raise an interesting question re: what PCs do with the money they earn. Do they become merchant lords or blow it all on coke and whores? This thread is going in interesting directions.

Speaking as a scion of parvenus, isn't the point to become such as successful merchant lord that you can fund business ventures and still have a fortune left over to blow on coke and hookers? The two are hardly mutually exclusive.

Speaking seriously, I've played in campaigns where becoming a merchant lord was a better use of gold than upgrading gear. Blowing it all on coke and hookers seems more an RP choice, regardless of the campaign goals. Don't get me wrong, I like RP, I just think the PC are bound to put the majority of time/effort/loot into campaign goals.

Lord Dice wrote:

Wait, Lem's a halfling? I coulda sworn that dude was a gnome. *shrugs*

I think you may be confusing Lem with this guy, who is a gnome from a similar-but-not-the-same alternate universe. I think that guy's name was "Gimble."

I think you may be taking a joke seriously, and providing an answer I was well aware of, but no harm, no foul.

I thought "the bleaching" was something that gnomes do; that's not a hair treatment?

Wait, Lem's a halfling? I coulda sworn that dude was a gnome. *shrugs*

Don Juan de Doodlebug wrote:

Pfft.

God made man and woman and Col. Colt made them equal, you misogynist, door-opening dog!

Actually it was more Monseiur Guillotine that made everyone equal.

Vive Le Galtine!

Just don't sign any death warrants while you're taking a bath, and you'll be fine.

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Oh pish, keeping slaves is expensive. No matter how badly you want to treat them, you have to provide food and board to keep them healthy enough to work. If, on the other you free them, you can charge them rent, sell them food, pay them too little to cover the cost, and offer them credit against future earnings; that's a moneymaker!

(Don't hate, I'm a job creator.)

Nonsense aside, I am interested about slavery in the antebellum South; I'm interested in how plantations grew out of British noble estates; I'm interested in the fact that freed black landowners sometimes own slaves. I just don't want anyone to think that interest is the same thing as endorsement.

First the mutant mosquitos, then the FEMA camps!

One tyrant to another: it seems more efficient if the FEMA camps are used to feed the mutant mosquitos. Camps first, then the super skeeters.

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Call me stupid, I had never even considered getting FEMA funding for the goblin kennels; live and learn . . .

"He's had four years and proved himself to be a Wall Street President!"

Cornell West, one of the celebrity Cultural Marxist professors who has told me to shut up, on Marx and Obama.

Vive le Galt!

So long as there's Marxist on (marxist) violence, I'm fine with that. :)

1 person marked this as a favorite.

[Enters Kirth, Sir Gersen's name on the rolls of Those to be Honored Posthumously as the Knights of Dice.]

Yes, "make me" do it.

[Laughs hilariously to himself while calling up Timothy Geithner and the boys]

This is exactly why a certain goblin I know needs a plutocrat on his side.

You, you, you, you, you, you, you and you!

If you were present when I said that, yes, you're one of them. I have left one unassigned for future use, tread lightly.

Doodlebug, I hope you noticed that there were no goblins named, house or otherwise.

I think it's called satire; He's one mouthy goblin.

Should the U.S. need a puppet to rule the "Independent" Socialist Republic of Kurdistan, I will deign to offer myself as titular head. I promise to protect the innocent and punish the guilty (or maybe just anyone I don't like.)

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Comrade Anklebiter wrote:

You guys all heard Obama's cancelling Twinkies, right?

Absolutely. The Internet is abuzz with Rand-ian maker/taker fantasies blaming the bakers, the president, and everyone else, except the financial interests that saddled the company with debt in an attempt to make a quick buck. The whole thing dovetails nicely with Romney's post-election finger-pointing.

As far as I'm concerned the longer the Republican party puts off true introspection, the better.

Last night I watched a PBS program on Woody Guthrie, and cried myself to sleep like a little sissy. When I woke up I was sane again, so I gave Dicey Twinkies for breakfast, instead of the usual Pop-tarts.

I don't mind Hostess going out of business; the economy is harsh mistress, right? I do worry that if we take junk food off the market, the lower classes won't die of obesity and malnutrition. Then they'll have an ensconced cultural base, which will, invariably, rise up to overthrow the Dice Regime.

Long story short: I will pay top dollar for any unopened Hostess Fruit Pies starting now, OR accept donations of junk food for the Goblin Kennel Food Pile Charity.

Galt AP?

That's a pretty neat AP synopsis, but knowing Doodlebug he wouldn't buy any of them past book 2 in order to have some sort of "permanent revolution" or something.

1 person marked this as a favorite.

On the one hand, I would love to see an AP about Galt, on the other hand, I'm sure it would be full of Paizo's reactionary lies about the Glorious People's Revolution.

Which is why I am going to make my own campaign, one that tells the truth about the struggle of the workers, peasants and goblins of Galt.

Down with Paizo!

Vive le Galt!

I can only hope it will also tell the truth about the surviving nobles of Galt, who were good and just stewards of the people, until they were forced from their estates by jealous riff-raff. It should also mention the struggle of living in exile when you just know the riff-raff is emptying your wine cellar one bottle at a time.

2 people marked this as a favorite.

Also, Colorado legalizes weeeeeeeeed!

Seriously?!

Okay, I'm building a new Manse Dice in Colorado right now. Doodlebug, there's plenty of room in the goblin kennels. The accommodations suck, but legal weed for all goblins!

Oh look, I didn't vote for Obama and Romney still didn't win.

[sighs in relief]

Break with the Democrats!

Vive le Galt!

I'm just glad you didn't vote on any local issues; but don't worry, I kept all the goblin interests at heart when I cast my vote...

Dicey would favorite a picture such as that at a cost of most of his finders; I would leave him as few as are required to perform his household duties. I am, however, with you on the proper method of goblin house-training.

Look, Doodlebug, I'm no stooge of the plutocracy, I'm a founding member. No wig for you!

Comrade Anklebiter wrote:

I love how someone can come in here and say some pretty standard right-wing talk radio stuff and everybody reams him out, but I say U.S. imperialism is the world's biggest terrorist and no one bats an eye.

You guys rock.

Vive le Galt!

I'm a firm believer in the aristocracy of being right. Just hold still while I fit you with your powdered wig and ostrich feather hat...

This is very possibly the best thing I've heard anyone say, like ever; I think of such as my legacy.

Celestial Healer wrote:

Then you missed Borden, TX; Loving, TX; Briscoe, TX; Kennedy, TX; Sierra, NM; Mora, NM; Shannon, SD; Mellette, SD; Blaine, NE; and Randolph, GA. In each one, mama earns more than papa, based on medians.

The evil that is math makes me wonder what this map would look like if we went by means instead of medians.

Let's agree not to talk about modes, shall we, Freehold?

The first celebration of Oktoberfest began on October 12, 1810 to celebrate the marriage of the crown prince.

Based on his reign being described as "strongly affected by his enthusiasm for women" one might suspect it wasn't the happiest marriage in history.

...Or maybe just a typical example of a marriage within the aristocracy of any nation, ever, throughout all of history. /wink

So, I take your argument to mean: the ruling class will rather ally with foreign invaders and shoot us down in the streets rather than share their shiznit.

What you mean "us," Goblin?

And now without all the Lord Dice nonsense: I don't really expect this to change your mind, Doodlebug, and if you think voting is for ninnies, that's you business, but I am curious as to why you see voting and supporting a realistic communist political agenda as mutually exclusive.

It seems like you talk about imperialism, plutocracy and tyranny and follow those (perfectly valid) subjects with, "Rabble-rousing is the only legitimate for of political action!" Keep in mind that I'm not saying that the rabble that shouldn't be roused, just that voting takes so little effort that even if it is completely ineffective, you haven't lost anything.

I had an ex-Marxian ex-member of the Weather Underground.

Ironically, he chaperoned our school trip to Washington, D.C.

That was the same week that Oklahoma City blew up, which he blamed on me and my extremist ways.

Of course, he was also drunk the entire week in D.C., and someone ratted him, out and the school sent down the vice-principal, and poor Mr. Horton was never seen in the halls of Merrimack High School again.

:(

Do you have his current info? This is exactly the kind of out-of-the box educator I'd like to employ as a tutor for the Dice children. That's right folks, I'm a job-creator.

Caineach wrote:

Comrade Anklebiter wrote:

Is that what the Republicans are saying?

I would've thought they'd be thrilled the Democrats were axing public education.

Down with the, etc., etc.!

He is getting heat for his "lack of leadership" on the issue. Not sure why they think he should weigh in at all. Its not really his place.

He's getting heat for not being more openly anti-union. Meanwhile, the clearance sale at the Department of Education is still on-going...

Speaking as a plutocrat, I'm really torn. Rahm Emanuel's the mayor of Chicago; That's very close to nepotism, and we plutocrats love nepotism. (Well, so long as we're the ones administering it, but separate issue.) On the other hand, Comrade Obama won't step in to bust the unions, and we plutocrats hate that sort of irresponsibility.

Sometimes an election is just about choosing the lesser of two good I guess. /sigh

@Citizen Ulgulanoth--Yes.

They're stooges of the plutocracy, each and every one.

@Lord Dice--Down with you!!!!

Well, Doodlebug, Let me quote Neil Gaiman:

"It is the fool's prerogative to point out that emperor is wearing no clothes, but the fool remains a fool, and the emperor remains an emperor."

On second thought , let me put that in language a goblin will understand:

"Goblin can yell all goblin wants, Lord Dice still live in big house."

Brox RedGloves wrote:

Comrade Anklebiter wrote:

It wouldn't make me angry at all, but when are the flamewars about the Chicago teachers strike and the Libyan killings going to break out?

[Continues to wait patiently]

Did not know you have sock puppet named Urizen...

Well, he has been spotted yelling "Vive le Galt!" recently...

I love it when the radicals self identify; makes it that much easier for the evil plutocrats, I mean, guardians of decency and civilization.

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Lord Dice wrote:

Comrade Anklebiter wrote:

Andrew R wrote:

Then go back to the old ways of seeking a patron instead of robbing the rest of us so some jackass can focus on his "art" (what crap passes as art these days). Maybe as we become so productive that we start loosing jobs it is time to cut back the breeding, we are not simple beasts and contraception is cheap and available.

How many millions of people are homeless? And then add in all the people on welfare. And then all the people on unemployment. How many millions is that?

I'm sure contraception will solve everything.

Personally, I'm torn.

I agree with Andrew on the idea of patronage; It's how I've filled the manor house on the Dice Estate with so many objects d'art. The patronage system has the added bonus of keeping art out of the hands of the classes, which is a good thing, as they lack the esthetic sense to appreciate it to begin with.

Accessible birth control is, however, a horrible idea. If I give those goblins birth control, that'll empty the kennels in one generation, and there goes the work force...

Oh, but wait! Under a patronage system, the patron decides who even gets medical treatment to begin with; problem solved!

It's even better. If you control the birth control, you can breed a better population.

So the eugenics experts promised me, but we bred for strong docile goblins and got tireless mouthy ones. It's the africanized killer bees all over again! :(

Andrew R wrote:

Then go back to the old ways of seeking a patron instead of robbing the rest of us so some jackass can focus on his "art" (what crap passes as art these days). Maybe as we become so productive that we start loosing jobs it is time to cut back the breeding, we are not simple beasts and contraception is cheap and available.

How many millions of people are homeless? And then add in all the people on welfare. And then all the people on unemployment. How many millions is that?

I'm sure contraception will solve everything.

Personally, I'm torn.

I agree with Andrew on the idea of patronage; It's how I've filled the manor house on the Dice Estate with so many objects d'art. The patronage system has the added bonus of keeping art out of the hands of the lower classes, which is a good thing, as they lack the esthetic sense to appreciate it to begin with.

Accessible birth control is, however, a horrible idea. If I give those goblins birth control, that'll empty the kennels in one generation, and there goes the work force...

Oh, but wait! Under a patronage system, the patron decides who even gets medical treatment to begin with; problem solved!

You should watch more Glenn Beck, Fouquier-Tinville.

1 person marked this as a favorite.

In my day, interminably bizitching about your missing shower curtain ad nauseam usually led to a date with Razor Jenny.

Never mind Razor Jenny, how 'bout Charlotte Corday? Poor Marat! Now there's a reason to replace the shower curtain!

Standing rule for the Dice Estate: When you're taking a bath and someone asks you sign a list of names for execution (look, it happens more often than you think), always read it over.