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Mordant Spire Elf

Limeylongears's page

Pathfinder Society Member. 756 posts (2,889 including aliases). No reviews. 2 lists. No wishlists. 2 Pathfinder Society characters. 32 aliases.


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1 person marked this as a favorite.

I blame Cosmo for witholding the tens of dollars with which the makers of Barbarian Queen II could have purchased:

Real cardboard swords
A plot
Genuine Hollywood overacting, and
Functional upper body garments for the female members of the cast.


Ballettirosadimacchio at the moment.


Gullivar of Mars was... alright; interesting to see which bits ERB might have been, er, inspired by, and it was short, but really of historical value only, I think. Swords of Mars, by the man himself, which I read today, was fab (of course).


They're all mid '80s Fall albums, I think.


1 person marked this as a favorite.

It's all consensual.

'Do as you would be done by' is my motto.

2013's English moustache champ was an AMERICAN!

The organisers of the above competition also seem to believe that Wales is part of England, which means they should probably avoid going out after dark in Swansea. Come to think of it, that's sensible advice for anybody...


I cannot comment at this stage of the research.


I second that. Add Lin Carter's Jandar books, simply because of the tremendous fun he obviously had writing them (hard sci-fi? Not hard sci-fi?)

I'd put forward Iain M. Banks or Ken MacLeod, personally, but those may not be to everyone's taste.


Lucozade makes a very excellent moustache stiffener.


Was that story followed by footage of the inhabitants running for the shadows while yelling "AGH! AGH! THE YELLOW FACE! IT BURNSES US!" ?

or in Internet Norwegian:

AGH! AGH! DEN GULE FACE! DET BRENNER OSS!


Hitdice wrote:
Two and a half consecutive hours? Isn't that like your whole monthly allotment in the UK?

Certainly looks like it, if today is anything to go by...

Early night tonight. Considering whether to start reading all the Fafhrd & Grey Mouser books in sequence or carry on with Outlaws of the Marsh as a nightcap. We'll see.


Orthos wrote:

Finished Master of Devils and have started on Queen of Thorns.

On the one hand, yay Radovan and Varian (and Arnisant!). On the other hand... elves.

Elves make everything better.

Two and a half consecutive hours of sunshine on Saturday enabled me to go outside and finish of Black Legions of Callisto by Lin Carter (smashing, of course) and Swords of the Barbarians by Kenneth Bulmer. Ken was having a bit of an off-day with that one, I think - also features a tonne of totally non-gratuitous nudity in the shape of a sexy female sorceress who can only cast spells when compleeeetly naked. Most of the book is taken up with her in various stages of undress, desperately trying to take her shoes off in order to save the day while her twin brother hews through legions of mooks in time-honoured fashion. C-.


1 person marked this as a favorite.

Sugarcane's Got the Blues, by Don 'Sugarcane' Harris. Grabs you right from the first note.


1 person marked this as a favorite.

Longears Investigation Bureau are proud to present THE SECRET HISTORY OF COSMO, or 'Cosmo's Cosmic Adventure', as found on page 60 of what is either the scratch 'n' sniff edition of the Book of Skelos or Dragon #197. Please note that we have only reproduced the less sanity-shattering items detailed in those dread paragraphs and a certain amount of redaction has had to take place in order to keep things even slightly family-friendly.

Background:

Before September 1993, Cosmo was a cheery, cheeky little leprechaun, skipping around Fairyland in a fez, a ginger chinstrap beard, nipple tassels and nothing else, comforting lonely kittens, distributing rainbow candy and hatching madcap schemes to solve complete strangers' romantic contretemps. Then, one day, his Fairy Line Manager (who was jealous of his success) hatched a villainous scheme to replace him as head of the Lollipop Guild, sending him on a Cosmic Adventure without informing him that it was also part of his annual review, the fiend. When Cosmo came back, his Line Manager gathered the happy-go-lucky fey's friends and family together and proceeded to read out his assessment of our hero's performance. Since Cosmo had been away on his Cosmic Adventure, who could contradict the Manager (who looks and sounds like Alan Rickman, only with butterfly wings and a translucent tutu. So exactly like Alan Rickman, in other words) when damning sentence followed damning sentence, leading up to the final devastating conclusion:

"Unfortunately, COSMO IS A FAILURE!"

Tears of mortification pouring in torrents down his elfin features, Cosmo ran from the room, leaving fairyland forever and pledging henceforth to only use his powers for Evil.

That quote is reproduced verbatim, and amongst the soul-searing secrets revealed within, we learn that ..."Cosmo is... IBM compatible". IBM, in this instance, stands for Imp's Bum Mustard, Fairyland's best selling condiment. Our agents opted not to pursue this line of enquiry any further.

We also discover that "(Cosmo) eat(s) fruit and stars, and bounce(s) on the heads of squiggly alien monsters". Perhaps his co-workers at Paizo would be best placed to comment on this.

In addition, "Cosmo has... eye-plants that follow your every move... (He) parades back and forth but takes breaks to slaver and threaten... (He) progresses from level to level, bouncing on top of monsters, eating fruit and collecting (...) rather ineffective bombs..."

Shocking stuff. Image Here, for those of adamantine will. It would suggest that Cosmo is one of the fell Serpent Kings of ancient Lemuria, which explains a great deal.


2 people marked this as a favorite.

I likes elves. And I probably should wear an elaborately carved mask at all times, even if I don't.

Also, as the elven inhabitants of the Mordant Spire are the (self-proclaimed) heirs to the treasures of the Azlanti, so we in the Breetish Isles are the inheritors of the fabled secrets of Sunken Atlantis, which is why we rule the world in secret. Just ask Lyndon LaRouche.


1 person marked this as a favorite.

Ornette Coleman - Science Fiction

I seem to remember this LP having an Indian vocalist on it, but no evidence of her so far...

Also, this is my favourite video of all time (at the moment). Thankyou, Nicki.


Huzzah!

The only time I got complaints was when I lent a fellow traveller a CD of Cornelius Cardew's Maoist white reggae band, which, to be fair, is dreadful (the white reggae bits, anyway - when they stick to jazz, they're average to pretty good...)


My best ever was an LP consisting of recordings of steam trains with mechanical defects, from all over the world. A) Who would bother taping something like that, and B) even if they did, who would buy it (unless it was 50p in a charity shop) ? It actually sounds like avant-garde percussion music (Varese or something) - not bad, but still...


1 person marked this as a favorite.

The second of those is actually true.

Mary Poppins was originally called 'Morvel I. Rocwell', but that got cut in production for being too obvious an anagram of Oliver Cromwell.

Illegal Puritan tracts used to be distributed by itinerant birdseed sellers, for 'Tuppence a Bag', an event commemorated by the song 'Feed the Birds'

'Chim Chim Cheree' shows why the Revolution was necessary, since before the execution of Charles I, everybody used to speak like Dick Van D~#+.

Incidentally, should you watch the film with the sound off while listening to New Model Army's greatest hits, you will be very bored and develop a severe headache.

However, staying on topic. Sid James of the 'Carry On' films was apparently born Solomon Joel Cohen, in South Africa, in 1913. That *is* true, and I had absolutely no idea.


1 person marked this as a favorite.
Treppa wrote:
Celestial Healer wrote:
Treppa wrote:
I'm stressed, so currently reading an Agatha Christie mystery. It's mind candy. Sue me.

I have a soft spot for Agatha Christie. They just don't write mysteries like that anymore. Murder is so much cooler when it is committed by rich people in a setting containing a finite number of people, all of whom have motives.

If I'm ever murdered, I hope it is like that.

I really enjoyed them and was disappointed to find only two Christie mysteries available on Project Gutenberg.

And I'm sure that can be arranged, CH.

Poll: In general, would we all prefer to be a) slain by a little-known South American poison that is instantly fatal and defies detection or b) transfixed by a dagger of oriental design?

Got Gulliver of Mars by Edwin L. Arnold off Project Gutenberg, myself. Looking forward to it!


Today I made the fantastic NAAN BREAD PIZZA!

One garlic naan, with a mixture of tomato paste and (a very little) olive oil smeared on top and cheese grated over that. 5 minutes under the grill and ready to eat!

Also added chili sauce; may leave it out next time.


Orc Minion 21 wrote:
Thanks Grummash for letting me live in your new basement, can i have something to cover my bare lightbulb?

Fawful's swallowed it, by the looks of things...


This week, nothing special - last week, however, I cooked a mutton, spinach and chickpea curry that was an absolute triumph, even if I do say so myself. Will definitely make it again (and in greater quantity), assuming I can find somewhere else that sells mutton...


Just finished The Faillible Fiend by L. Sprague de Camp, which I enjoyed; Vol. 4 of the Wheel of Time seems to be mainly about the protagonists' love problems at the moment. Hum.

Also enjoying Medieval Warfare magazine, which has an interesting article about an 11th Century Icelandic psychopath/poet in, amongst other things.


I am seriously impressed with and envious of Cort's 'tache. That's how it should be done! :)


1 person marked this as a favorite.

A live version of VdGG's 'A Plague of Lighthouse Keepers', which is incredible.

And ]Takeshi Terauchi's version of Fur Elise - ditto.


1 person marked this as a favorite.

Climax - Gusano Mechanico

Nice bit of Bolivian heavy, with not too much singing to get in the way.


2 people marked this as a favorite.

Gaijatra - Hindu festival taken up by the LGBT community - celebrated yesterday in Nepal


1 person marked this as a favorite.

German Oak - Nibelunglied

Good album, though the band name and album title together make me slightly nervous...


Kyrik and the Lost Queen, by Gardner F. Fox. Keeps up to his usual standards, i.e. lots of ridiculous fights, boobies and a plot as flimsy as the garment worn by the woman on the front cover, which also features a burly swordsmen wearing one of those darling little helmets with bull's horns on, both of them charging along in a chariot pulled by a rhinoceros. Nowhere in the book does anyone get to ride in a rhino-powered vehicle of any kind, which is disgusting.


I, too, have to read Lenin in preparation for the education element of tomorrow's [redacted] Party Blood-Soaked (not really) Fun-Fest (when it was my turn I had to do a presentation on Wages, Prices and Profit, so hoo-f***ing-ray for me). I also went to the library and got out vol. 4 of The Wheel of Time and a book called Battlefield Yorkshire, both which look good. I'll let you know.


LG Wizard, level 4. I'm always a wizard. A wizard with int 12, too, so a pretty kakky one. No 3rd level spells for me :( :( :(


Radishes with salt
Oven bottom cakes with plenty of marge, filled with hula hoops (cheap crisps/chips), pref. barbecue beef flavour, and pickled onions.
Just pickled onions
Steak and kidney pie in teacake
Chips (i.e. chipped potatoes - not fries, though, as the texture's all wrong) in teacake
Cheese sandwich, i.e. two pieces of cheese with peanut butter & some sort of sauce in between.
Cold sausages.

Brown sauce will go excellently with any of these except the radishes.

Blast. Now I'm hungry :(


15 people marked this as a favorite.

If I want breakfast, I strip naked, break the ice on a lake and then wrestle an Arctic Plesiosaur into submission. Or I may stun a polar bear with one punch and then use it as a furry greatclub in order to kill several other polar bears and then consume their reeking carcases raw, even the livers. In the unlikely event that I eat, wear or use anything that I haven't slain myself in unarmed combat, I will gnaw it out of solid granite. At night, I stand proudly beneath the great, yellow moon, bellowing "I live! I LIVE! I LIIIIIVE!!!", basking in the awe-inspiring immensity of Savage Nature.

Does that count?


2 people marked this as a favorite.

Linked for Reference

14 wives, or 8 wifier than Henry 8th (ha) (or Great Grandad Longears, who was a cavalry sergeant and not a cult leader but still managed to rack up six marriages). Good for you, clearly.

I'm listening to Mëkanïk Dëstruktïẁ Kömmandöh by Magma.


No - I'm now kind of expecting things to decline even further as the series progresses; if all I've got to look forward to is more of the same I'll probably quit it, unless I can find them super cheap.


1 person marked this as a favorite.

Chert the Barbarian and his roguish friend sat across the table from Mordenkainen in the Bella Furyondy restaurant in Greyhawk City.

"I hope you enjoyed your garlic bread", said the archmage. "Now I have something even better for you!"

He gestured to a waiter, who bought over a flat box, opening it to release a delicious odour and reveal a flat disc of dough, covered with tomato sauce and melted cheese. Then, suddenly, it began to speak!

"HORNED SARDINE BARKS DILIGENTLY!"

The jaws of Chert and his companion dropped. "Wha-huh?!"

"PLACARD BABY'S MARBLE APPLE MELTS HAPPINESS STRING YODELS!!"

Chert raised his mighty axe above the dish, shouting "FOUL WITCHERY!", but Mordenkainen simply raised an admonitory eyebrow and shook his head. The small, dark man sitting by the barbarian put a calming hand on his comrade's brawny arm and eased him back onto his seat.

"Mordenkainen, what was that?!", he asked, and the wizard replied:

Spoiler:
"That is the pizza, Gord, that passeth all understanding"


1 person marked this as a favorite.

Those Ranger levels were worthwhile after all - thanks to taking Favoured Enemy (low grade 70s fantasy paperbacks) I was able to track down and subdue the following today:

Spoiler:

Wizard of Lemuria - Lin Carter.
The Quest for Cush - Charles R. Saunders (really looking forward to that one
Black Legion of Callisto - Lin Carter
The Second Book of Swords - Fred Saberhagen
Kyrik and the Lost Queen - Gardner F. Fox
Warlocks and Warriors (an anthology)
Whom the Gods Would Slay - Ivar Jorgensen
Day of the Minotaur - Thomas Burnett Swann
Hadon of Ancient Opar - Philip Jose Farmer

I also got hold of an old D20 sourcebook called Arrows of Indra, setting out rules for running a 3.5e campaign in ancient India. Pretty cool, but loses points for describing tulwars as two-handed weapons. Tsk tsk. And I read 'Jirel of Joiry' on the train there and back, which was first-class.


1 person marked this as a favorite.

That was very good indeed.

Now moved onto Cosmic Circus Music - German hippie freakouts.


1 person marked this as a favorite.

Piccio dal Pozzo. Kind of Canterbury Scene-y, which is not what I was expecting.


2 people marked this as a favorite.

I'm sorry I don't have a face to empunchen.

(He takes off the mask... And there's nothing behind it! Agh! Agh!)


1 person marked this as a favorite.

Shuttling between two IT support companies all morning, each of whom insisted that whatever was going wrong was the other's problem, only to get it sorted out in around fifteen bleeding minutes once I'd got hold of someone who knew what's what? This is the sort of thing Cosmo brings about with a contemptuous flick of his elegantly manicured (?) fingers (?) - kindergarten stuff. However, what one of them decided I needed to keep me company while waiting for some yawking putz to come on the line and tell me it's got nothing to do with him and what the hell is this server thing you keep talking about anyway was a looped version of 'Another Day in Paradise' by Phil Collins, played on the electronic panpipes, and it's those little details that are the hallmark of a true professional.


1 person marked this as a favorite.

Thankyou, Randy.

Is a worthwhile goal. I'd like to donate 5 shillings to it right now, as well as advancing the slogan SMASH PATRIARCHY THROUGH RESOLUTE BLOWS WITH CONVENIENT FOLDED GUSSETS FOR PURPOSE OF CARRYING LOOSE OBJECTS!


The naive assumption is that either you're carrying everything you need around in the Tardis-like interior of your handbag/purse or Space-Colonel Pickering is teaching you to be a lidy and hence you have a robot butler to port things around for you. Still, contributing to the death of what I can't call fanny packs in public because that'd mean something diiiferent...


I've always wanted to try Spruce beer.

Something very odd I found reproduced in an old (out of print) home-brewing book recently - a recipe for cock(erel) ale. Still, chicken soup with barley's a classic, so why not barley wine with chicken?

Somewhat alarming original procedure reproduced below:

Spoiler:
"Take 10 gallons of ale and a large cockerel, the older the better; parboil the cock, flay him, and stamp him in a stone mortar until his bones are broken (you must draw and gut him when you flay him), then put the cockerel into two quarts of sack, and put to it five pounds of raisins of the sun, stoned; some blades of mace, and a few cloves; put all these in a canvas bag, and a little while before you find the ale has been working, put the bag and ale into a vessel. In a week or nine days bottle it up; fill the bottle but just above the neck, and give it the same time to ripen as other ale"

The authors go on to update the recipe somewhat and do recommend it. Beyond my skills, for certain, but might be an interesting project for someone with adventurous tastes...


One thing that puzzles me about many male garments for the lower half is the superfluity of pockets. I thought this had gone out with the decline of Nu-Metal, remembering what were called either combat pants (which you had to wrestle into submission every morning before putting them on) or cargo pants (imported from Polynesia, where the natives enact colourful rituals resembling WWII combat operations in order to persuade the magic trousers to come down from the sky and return to them) with a shudder, but apparently not. It's hot, so I'm wearing shorts. How many pockets do I need in my shorts? Two? Three? Four, at a pinch? Apparently not - the manufacturers, helpfully warding off a potential attack of Pocket Envy, have supplied me with at least 15. What would happen if I filled all these pockets? They'd be pooled around my ankles and I'd be in prison or very badly beaten, that's what. IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT, YOU BEASTS? Maybe this is an attempt to make me feel less like an underfed nerd and more like a rugged champion of the untamed wilderness - if so, it doesn't bloody well work and nobody is going to mistake me for this month's Combat and Survival centrefold or Ted Nugent no matter how many zips I have on my thighs. Grunters.


Halfing Rogue:

"TASTE MY HAIRY FEET!"


Bill Lumberg wrote:
Limeylongears wrote:
My parents, while despairing at my taste in literature (Michael Moorcock, etc), were never bothered about it and didn't have a problem with D&D , either. My mother did make me throw my Black Sabbath albums away, though.

Were these albums with Ozzy or Dio singing? It makes a difference!

One was 'Sabbath Bloody Sabbath', so Ozzy; can't remember what the others were...


1 person marked this as a favorite.

My parents, while despairing at my taste in literature (Michael Moorcock, etc), were never bothered about it and didn't have a problem with D&D , either. My mother did make me throw my Black Sabbath albums away, though.


Yes, but he's undead, so of course he gets negative rant points. He's healed, revitalised and empowered by them. THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU'RE DOING!!


Mythic JMD031 wrote:
Limeylongears wrote:

OK. A certain amount of priming with Russian Imperial (spit) Stout was required, but here goes:

** spoiler omitted **...

I have no idea what is going on here....but I feel that because it is a rant I should give rant points. +1 rant point.

That was a Public Safety Rant, showing the Dreadful Consequences of drinking and posting.

gran rey de los mono wrote:
Soooo...What exactly are the rules regarding raiding other ranters for their rant points. I'm seeing a few people besides myself with some, and I think I want all of them. Is this allowed, or this thread non-PVP?

All I can say is, find Lucky7's phylactery and destroy it, thus ending his reign of undead terror once and for all, and his entire hoard of rant points will be yours by right of conquest.

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