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Mordant Spire Elf

Limeylongears's page

Pathfinder Society Member. 784 posts (2,938 including aliases). No reviews. 2 lists. No wishlists. 2 Pathfinder Society characters. 33 aliases.

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1 person marked this as a favorite.

Well, we'll find out which way it's gone at breakfast time. Exit polls suggest the 'No' side might have a very narrow lead.

I live in the Danelaw, so I should get to vote in Danish elections, which sounds like a euphemism.

"What are you doing in those bushes, sir?"

"Er, I'm voting in Danish elections, officer"

"Pull up your trousers and come with me, please"

1 person marked this as a favorite.

I blame Cosmo for the fact that the 2.5kg jar of pickled onions I bought won't fit in my fridge.

1 person marked this as a favorite.

What would happen if you made it with Cheetos or, say, Space Invaders? Would you die?

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Obvious place to look...

I'm reading Smuggling Under Sail in the Red Sea, by Henri de Montfried. Penthouse called it 'A romantic and inspiring saga of daring and excitement'.

Also bought War in Teythr by Victor Milan for a quid. Might or might not be worth it.

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The Allah-Las

Derivative? Maybe. Don't care.

2 people marked this as a favorite.

It would be preposterous - if we were talking about anyone except Cosmo. He has Powers the nature of which we can only guess at - IF WE DARE.

I have never tried to herd soldiers either, but I imagine cats might be easier, in a way, seeing as they don't have rifles or main battle tanks.

1 person marked this as a favorite.
Reginald Peabody IV, esquire wrote:
my Avatar says i'm fond of Tea Time, as well as Fox Hunts and exclaiming "My Word!" and "Indeed!" or "good show Jeffrey!!" maybe a "wot wot" here or there.

Stereotypical Swede, in other words.

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Army of

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While I applaud his initiative and entrepreneurship, I really wish Cosmo hadn't decided to redevelop my back garden as West Yorkshire Pussycats' Toilet World.

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Vive le Pays Maudit!

I bagged a beaut' today at the flea market - the British Edda, by L A Waddell. Unbeknownst to anyone except L.A., the Icelandic prose eddas were actually written in British, and tell the story of Thor (who IS Adam, who IS Mithra, who IS St George) and his efforts to bring manly Aryan civilisation to the world. It also turns out that the Sumerians were Goths, as were/are both the Welsh and the Anglo-Saxons, that the story of the garden of Eden is actually a corrupted account of a battle between cloth-wearing Thorean goths and fur-wearing Odinite worshippers of the Serpent-Wolf cult and that Christianity was a dreadful thing until it passed out of the hands of pesky Semites and into the clean-limbed grasp of flaxen-haired noble Northmen. Reads like a fascist rip-off of Thongor, with extra poetry. A biog of the author can be found here, which puts things into perspective.

Also, while I was sitting down with a small sherry and a copy of A La Recherche du Temps Perdu, someone snuck into my house, snatched the book out of my hands and replaced it with 'Priest-Kings of Gor'! I am very annoyed.

1 person marked this as a favorite.

On a slightly different topic, I blame Cosmo for the fact that the moustache wax I bought makes my face smell like the inside of an empty wardrobe.

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Zalatnay Sarolta ‎– Hadd Mondjam El

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Including the 'Glory, Glory Hallelujah, Teacher hit me with a ruler' variation, or the 'They rubbed him up with camphorated oil, camphor-amphor-amphorated' one?

I read Marriage and Love by Emma Goldman this week, and have started on the Satyricon, in which two polysexual Romans go around stealing stuff. 'Salright, I suppose.

1 person marked this as a favorite.
Spicy Nacho Slaad wrote:



1 person marked this as a favorite.

I blame Cosmo for witholding the tens of dollars with which the makers of Barbarian Queen II could have purchased:

Real cardboard swords
A plot
Genuine Hollywood overacting, and
Functional upper body garments for the female members of the cast.

1 person marked this as a favorite.

QC nerd is nothing but a cigar attached to a strangely shaped (and bad tempered) Jerusalem Artichoke.

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It's all consensual.

'Do as you would be done by' is my motto.

2013's English moustache champ was an AMERICAN!

The organisers of the above competition also seem to believe that Wales is part of England, which means they should probably avoid going out after dark in Swansea. Come to think of it, that's sensible advice for anybody...

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Sugarcane's Got the Blues, by Don 'Sugarcane' Harris. Grabs you right from the first note.

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Longears Investigation Bureau are proud to present THE SECRET HISTORY OF COSMO, or 'Cosmo's Cosmic Adventure', as found on page 60 of what is either the scratch 'n' sniff edition of the Book of Skelos or Dragon #197. Please note that we have only reproduced the less sanity-shattering items detailed in those dread paragraphs and a certain amount of redaction has had to take place in order to keep things even slightly family-friendly.


Before September 1993, Cosmo was a cheery, cheeky little leprechaun, skipping around Fairyland in a fez, a ginger chinstrap beard, nipple tassels and nothing else, comforting lonely kittens, distributing rainbow candy and hatching madcap schemes to solve complete strangers' romantic contretemps. Then, one day, his Fairy Line Manager (who was jealous of his success) hatched a villainous scheme to replace him as head of the Lollipop Guild, sending him on a Cosmic Adventure without informing him that it was also part of his annual review, the fiend. When Cosmo came back, his Line Manager gathered the happy-go-lucky fey's friends and family together and proceeded to read out his assessment of our hero's performance. Since Cosmo had been away on his Cosmic Adventure, who could contradict the Manager (who looks and sounds like Alan Rickman, only with butterfly wings and a translucent tutu. So exactly like Alan Rickman, in other words) when damning sentence followed damning sentence, leading up to the final devastating conclusion:

"Unfortunately, COSMO IS A FAILURE!"

Tears of mortification pouring in torrents down his elfin features, Cosmo ran from the room, leaving fairyland forever and pledging henceforth to only use his powers for Evil.

That quote is reproduced verbatim, and amongst the soul-searing secrets revealed within, we learn that ..."Cosmo is... IBM compatible". IBM, in this instance, stands for Imp's Bum Mustard, Fairyland's best selling condiment. Our agents opted not to pursue this line of enquiry any further.

We also discover that "(Cosmo) eat(s) fruit and stars, and bounce(s) on the heads of squiggly alien monsters". Perhaps his co-workers at Paizo would be best placed to comment on this.

In addition, "Cosmo has... eye-plants that follow your every move... (He) parades back and forth but takes breaks to slaver and threaten... (He) progresses from level to level, bouncing on top of monsters, eating fruit and collecting (...) rather ineffective bombs..."

Shocking stuff. Image Here, for those of adamantine will. It would suggest that Cosmo is one of the fell Serpent Kings of ancient Lemuria, which explains a great deal.

2 people marked this as a favorite.

I likes elves. And I probably should wear an elaborately carved mask at all times, even if I don't.

Also, as the elven inhabitants of the Mordant Spire are the (self-proclaimed) heirs to the treasures of the Azlanti, so we in the Breetish Isles are the inheritors of the fabled secrets of Sunken Atlantis, which is why we rule the world in secret. Just ask Lyndon LaRouche.

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Ornette Coleman - Science Fiction

I seem to remember this LP having an Indian vocalist on it, but no evidence of her so far...

Also, this is my favourite video of all time (at the moment). Thankyou, Nicki.

3 people marked this as a favorite.


Or it may just be the one mule and I've got a kaleidoscope stuck in each eye socket *AGAIN*.

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Two long, pointy dreams, in fact, curling magnificently out of my forehead. Most people call them "horns', but I like to be different.

The next poster is also different - even more so, in fact

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I do not altogether agree with you...

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The second of those is actually true.

Mary Poppins was originally called 'Morvel I. Rocwell', but that got cut in production for being too obvious an anagram of Oliver Cromwell.

Illegal Puritan tracts used to be distributed by itinerant birdseed sellers, for 'Tuppence a Bag', an event commemorated by the song 'Feed the Birds'

'Chim Chim Cheree' shows why the Revolution was necessary, since before the execution of Charles I, everybody used to speak like Dick Van D@*~.

Incidentally, should you watch the film with the sound off while listening to New Model Army's greatest hits, you will be very bored and develop a severe headache.

However, staying on topic. Sid James of the 'Carry On' films was apparently born Solomon Joel Cohen, in South Africa, in 1913. That *is* true, and I had absolutely no idea.

1 person marked this as a favorite.
Treppa wrote:
Celestial Healer wrote:
Treppa wrote:
I'm stressed, so currently reading an Agatha Christie mystery. It's mind candy. Sue me.

I have a soft spot for Agatha Christie. They just don't write mysteries like that anymore. Murder is so much cooler when it is committed by rich people in a setting containing a finite number of people, all of whom have motives.

If I'm ever murdered, I hope it is like that.

I really enjoyed them and was disappointed to find only two Christie mysteries available on Project Gutenberg.

And I'm sure that can be arranged, CH.

Poll: In general, would we all prefer to be a) slain by a little-known South American poison that is instantly fatal and defies detection or b) transfixed by a dagger of oriental design?

Got Gulliver of Mars by Edwin L. Arnold off Project Gutenberg, myself. Looking forward to it!

1 person marked this as a favorite.

A live version of VdGG's 'A Plague of Lighthouse Keepers', which is incredible.

And ]Takeshi Terauchi's version of Fur Elise - ditto.

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Climax - Gusano Mechanico

Nice bit of Bolivian heavy, with not too much singing to get in the way.

2 people marked this as a favorite.

Gaijatra - Hindu festival taken up by the LGBT community - celebrated yesterday in Nepal

1 person marked this as a favorite.

German Oak - Nibelunglied

Good album, though the band name and album title together make me slightly nervous...

1 person marked this as a favorite.

TFF should not rule this city because of his proposed tax on outrageous pants.

15 people marked this as a favorite.

If I want breakfast, I strip naked, break the ice on a lake and then wrestle an Arctic Plesiosaur into submission. Or I may stun a polar bear with one punch and then use it as a furry greatclub in order to kill several other polar bears and then consume their reeking carcases raw, even the livers. In the unlikely event that I eat, wear or use anything that I haven't slain myself in unarmed combat, I will gnaw it out of solid granite. At night, I stand proudly beneath the great, yellow moon, bellowing "I live! I LIVE! I LIIIIIVE!!!", basking in the awe-inspiring immensity of Savage Nature.

Does that count?

2 people marked this as a favorite.

Linked for Reference

14 wives, or 8 wifier than Henry 8th (ha) (or Great Grandad Longears, who was a cavalry sergeant and not a cult leader but still managed to rack up six marriages). Good for you, clearly.

I'm listening to Mëkanïk Dëstruktïẁ Kömmandöh by Magma.

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Chert the Barbarian and his roguish friend sat across the table from Mordenkainen in the Bella Furyondy restaurant in Greyhawk City.

"I hope you enjoyed your garlic bread", said the archmage. "Now I have something even better for you!"

He gestured to a waiter, who bought over a flat box, opening it to release a delicious odour and reveal a flat disc of dough, covered with tomato sauce and melted cheese. Then, suddenly, it began to speak!


The jaws of Chert and his companion dropped. "Wha-huh?!"


Chert raised his mighty axe above the dish, shouting "FOUL WITCHERY!", but Mordenkainen simply raised an admonitory eyebrow and shook his head. The small, dark man sitting by the barbarian put a calming hand on his comrade's brawny arm and eased him back onto his seat.

"Mordenkainen, what was that?!", he asked, and the wizard replied:

"That is the pizza, Gord, that passeth all understanding"

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Those Ranger levels were worthwhile after all - thanks to taking Favoured Enemy (low grade 70s fantasy paperbacks) I was able to track down and subdue the following today:


Wizard of Lemuria - Lin Carter.
The Quest for Cush - Charles R. Saunders (really looking forward to that one
Black Legion of Callisto - Lin Carter
The Second Book of Swords - Fred Saberhagen
Kyrik and the Lost Queen - Gardner F. Fox
Warlocks and Warriors (an anthology)
Whom the Gods Would Slay - Ivar Jorgensen
Day of the Minotaur - Thomas Burnett Swann
Hadon of Ancient Opar - Philip Jose Farmer

I also got hold of an old D20 sourcebook called Arrows of Indra, setting out rules for running a 3.5e campaign in ancient India. Pretty cool, but loses points for describing tulwars as two-handed weapons. Tsk tsk. And I read 'Jirel of Joiry' on the train there and back, which was first-class.

1 person marked this as a favorite.

That was very good indeed.

Now moved onto Cosmic Circus Music - German hippie freakouts.

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Piccio dal Pozzo. Kind of Canterbury Scene-y, which is not what I was expecting.

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I'm sorry I don't have a face to empunchen.

(He takes off the mask... And there's nothing behind it! Agh! Agh!)

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Shuttling between two IT support companies all morning, each of whom insisted that whatever was going wrong was the other's problem, only to get it sorted out in around fifteen bleeding minutes once I'd got hold of someone who knew what's what? This is the sort of thing Cosmo brings about with a contemptuous flick of his elegantly manicured (?) fingers (?) - kindergarten stuff. However, what one of them decided I needed to keep me company while waiting for some yawking putz to come on the line and tell me it's got nothing to do with him and what the hell is this server thing you keep talking about anyway was a looped version of 'Another Day in Paradise' by Phil Collins, played on the electronic panpipes, and it's those little details that are the hallmark of a true professional.

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Thankyou, Randy.

Is a worthwhile goal. I'd like to donate 5 shillings to it right now, as well as advancing the slogan SMASH PATRIARCHY THROUGH RESOLUTE BLOWS WITH CONVENIENT FOLDED GUSSETS FOR PURPOSE OF CARRYING LOOSE OBJECTS!

1 person marked this as a favorite.

My parents, while despairing at my taste in literature (Michael Moorcock, etc), were never bothered about it and didn't have a problem with D&D , either. My mother did make me throw my Black Sabbath albums away, though.

1 person marked this as a favorite.

OK. A certain amount of priming with Russian Imperial (spit) Stout was required, but here goes:

Gor Blimey:

Cards on the table time - I like dirty books and I like Sword and Planet, so when I saw that there was a 20+ novel series that combined the two, I nearly had an embarrassing and messy accident. Silly me. The first in the cycle, Tarnsman of Gor, was reasonable; I always thought 'Tarn' referred to a small body of water. Maybe 'Pond Straddlers' or 'Drippy Waddlers of Gor' didn't quite create the atmosphere of exotic, savage adventure the publisher was after, and anyway, a Tarn is apparently a vicious flightless bird which only a true granite-jawed hero can bend to his will. Various things happen in the mean time, mainly involving incredible fights against impossible odds and gorgeous young ladies who only require being crushed in the sweat-glazed embrace of a rhythmically farting gurgler dressed up as a hoplite to discover true womanly happiness, which (of course) involves gleefully submitting to their every wish without ever complaining, getting headaches, getting pregnant, getting old, having a will of their own, etc. Most of this is implied in many other S&P/S&S novels; however, Le Maitre Norman decides that what he's doing is not merely immature male wish-fulfilment (which does not bother me in the slightest) but a grand fillustuflickal crusade to slay radical feminism once and for all and re-establish gender relations on a Truly Natural Basis. The websites set up by his disciples prove that some people take this very seriously indeed, although the gay ones seem to solely involve men with no hair in night combat gear punching each other. I dunno. There was a group in Doncaster (a grotty post-industrial town in South Yorkshire, UK) who got in trouble when one member decided to take his girlfriend around the shops on a dog leash, incidentally, but other than that, they keep out of the public eye, being properly ashamed of themselves. You might say that if they were spouting Marxist dogma along with the sword fights and bottoms I wouldn't mind at all, and all I can say to that is YES YES ***K ME YES LEAD ME TO IT. I have just given myself a job, so watch out, you objects.

2 people marked this as a favorite.

Following up on this, I'm afraid we're too late, as this leaked excerpt from the screenplay of the upcoming super-collosso blockbuster, 50 Slaad of Gary, Indiana proves:


Pamela, supine and immobilised, moaned softly. Owing to budgetary constraints, Mr Gurgle had been unable to truss her to a four-poster bed with silken ties and had instead blu-taked her to an ironing board, but the effect was just the same. His glacial blue eyes bored her Editor: Bored into her, you moron! FS: Oh., and a cruel smile animated his rugged, masculine features as he gazed hungrily at her, the clinging PVC Thomas the Tank Engine onesie he wore outlining every contour of his superb body.

"You've been a very naughty girl, haven't you, Pamela?", he purred. "And do you know what happens to naughty girls?"

Pammy felt an ecstatic terror arise within her, thrilling her every nerve, writhing and twisting and filling her like a noodle made of honeyed fire, up, down, forwards, backwards, port, starboard. She ran a pink tongue along her moist, full, tempting, lips, hardly daring to speak.

"Are... Are you going to starch my moo, Master?"

"Ha ha! No! Only good girls get their moos starched. No indeed - you're going to lie there, and we're both going to play F.A.T.A.L"

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I'd like my horror half mild, half stout, please - a slightly overweight pacifist with fangs will do fine. Also, kindly insert one of those adorable little pink umbrellas and an onion on a stick. Where is up to you.

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Krevon's helmet shoots up three feet, twizzles around and plays the theme tune from 'Magnum PI' if you pull his beard 47 times.

2 people marked this as a favorite.
Tossed Slaad wrote:
I've never heard those alternative lyrics to "Single Ladies" before.

Then you liked what you saw and put 2d4 Slaadlings on it...

1 person marked this as a favorite.

I'm not going to click on that link, because it's Roxette.

I'm not going to click on that link, because it's Roxette.

I'm not going to click on that link, because it's Roxette.

I clicked on the link.

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Male Elf Rogue (pirate) 6/ Gunslinger 3
AC 20,T 17, FF 16; HP 32/53; Fort +6, Ref +14, Will +4

Sekathral eyes the bear's pelt, of a shade part-way between light tan and a deep yellow, and wonders whether it's a ginger bear or a wheat bear. He looks on in surprise and alarm as it eats a cake of soap and its master just sits there, watching the bubbles in his bear. His eyes widen as he notices that the beast has three upper limbs, then remembers Farshorian's inalienable right two bear arms and relaxes.

"They were just scrote-hairs, if you ask me. They ain't part of anything bigger"

1 person marked this as a favorite.
Don Juan de Doodlebug wrote:
Mmmm, Gregor Samsa porn.

"You've got a hard shell, but your belly is soft

I'm trying to figure out how to get you off"

Interspecies love is wrong

Please yourselves, though - it's no skin off my nose, as the baby boy said to the Moyl.

Since it's been warm, I've been out in the garden reading Thongor - Thongor of Lemuria and Thongor in the City of the Magicians, though I'm only halfway through the second.

1 person marked this as a favorite.

For the supply of port to give out.

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