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Mordant Spire Elf

Limeylongears's page

Pathfinder Society Member. 716 posts (2,791 including aliases). No reviews. 2 lists. No wishlists. 2 Pathfinder Society characters. 29 aliases.


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1 person marked this as a favorite.

Shuttling between two IT support companies all morning, each of whom insisted that whatever was going wrong was the other's problem, only to get it sorted out in around fifteen bleeding minutes once I'd got hold of someone who knew what's what? This is the sort of thing Cosmo brings about with a contemptuous flick of his elegantly manicured (?) fingers (?) - kindergarten stuff. However, what one of them decided I needed to keep me company while waiting for some yawking putz to come on the line and tell me it's got nothing to do with him and what the hell is this server thing you keep talking about anyway was a looped version of 'Another Day in Paradise' by Phil Collins, played on the electronic panpipes, and it's those little details that are the hallmark of a true professional.


1 person marked this as a favorite.

Thankyou, Randy.

Is a worthwhile goal. I'd like to donate 5 shillings to it right now, as well as advancing the slogan SMASH PATRIARCHY THROUGH RESOLUTE BLOWS WITH CONVENIENT FOLDED GUSSETS FOR PURPOSE OF CARRYING LOOSE OBJECTS!


1 person marked this as a favorite.

My parents, while despairing at my taste in literature (Michael Moorcock, etc), were never bothered about it and didn't have a problem with D&D , either. My mother did make me throw my Black Sabbath albums away, though.


1 person marked this as a favorite.

OK. A certain amount of priming with Russian Imperial (spit) Stout was required, but here goes:

Gor Blimey:

Cards on the table time - I like dirty books and I like Sword and Planet, so when I saw that there was a 20+ novel series that combined the two, I nearly had an embarrassing and messy accident. Silly me. The first in the cycle, Tarnsman of Gor, was reasonable; I always thought 'Tarn' referred to a small body of water. Maybe 'Pond Straddlers' or 'Drippy Waddlers of Gor' didn't quite create the atmosphere of exotic, savage adventure the publisher was after, and anyway, a Tarn is apparently a vicious flightless bird which only a true granite-jawed hero can bend to his will. Various things happen in the mean time, mainly involving incredible fights against impossible odds and gorgeous young ladies who only require being crushed in the sweat-glazed embrace of a rhythmically farting gurgler dressed up as a hoplite to discover true womanly happiness, which (of course) involves gleefully submitting to their every wish without ever complaining, getting headaches, getting pregnant, getting old, having a will of their own, etc. Most of this is implied in many other S&P/S&S novels; however, Le Maitre Norman decides that what he's doing is not merely immature male wish-fulfilment (which does not bother me in the slightest) but a grand fillustuflickal crusade to slay radical feminism once and for all and re-establish gender relations on a Truly Natural Basis. The websites set up by his disciples prove that some people take this very seriously indeed, although the gay ones seem to solely involve men with no hair in night combat gear punching each other. I dunno. There was a group in Doncaster (a grotty post-industrial town in South Yorkshire, UK) who got in trouble when one member decided to take his girlfriend around the shops on a dog leash, incidentally, but other than that, they keep out of the public eye, being properly ashamed of themselves. You might say that if they were spouting Marxist dogma along with the sword fights and bottoms I wouldn't mind at all, and all I can say to that is YES YES ***K ME YES LEAD ME TO IT. I have just given myself a job, so watch out, you objects.


2 people marked this as a favorite.

Following up on this, I'm afraid we're too late, as this leaked excerpt from the screenplay of the upcoming super-collosso blockbuster, 50 Slaad of Gary, Indiana proves:

Spoiler:

Pamela, supine and immobilised, moaned softly. Owing to budgetary constraints, Mr Gurgle had been unable to truss her to a four-poster bed with silken ties and had instead blu-taked her to an ironing board, but the effect was just the same. His glacial blue eyes bored her Editor: Bored into her, you moron! FS: Oh., and a cruel smile animated his rugged, masculine features as he gazed hungrily at her, the clinging PVC Thomas the Tank Engine onesie he wore outlining every contour of his superb body.

"You've been a very naughty girl, haven't you, Pamela?", he purred. "And do you know what happens to naughty girls?"

Pammy felt an ecstatic terror arise within her, thrilling her every nerve, writhing and twisting and filling her like a noodle made of honeyed fire, up, down, forwards, backwards, port, starboard. She ran a pink tongue along her moist, full, tempting, lips, hardly daring to speak.

"Are... Are you going to starch my moo, Master?"

"Ha ha! No! Only good girls get their moos starched. No indeed - you're going to lie there, and we're both going to play F.A.T.A.L"


2 people marked this as a favorite.

I'd like my horror half mild, half stout, please - a slightly overweight pacifist with fangs will do fine. Also, kindly insert one of those adorable little pink umbrellas and an onion on a stick. Where is up to you.


1 person marked this as a favorite.

Krevon's helmet shoots up three feet, twizzles around and plays the theme tune from 'Magnum PI' if you pull his beard 47 times.


2 people marked this as a favorite.
Tossed Slaad wrote:
I've never heard those alternative lyrics to "Single Ladies" before.

Then you liked what you saw and put 2d4 Slaadlings on it...


1 person marked this as a favorite.

I'm not going to click on that link, because it's Roxette.

I'm not going to click on that link, because it's Roxette.

I'm not going to click on that link, because it's Roxette.

I clicked on the link.


1 person marked this as a favorite.
Male Elf Rogue (pirate) 6/ Gunslinger 3
Stats:
AC 20,T 17, FF 16; HP 53/53; Fort +6, Ref +14, Will +4

Sekathral eyes the bear's pelt, of a shade part-way between light tan and a deep yellow, and wonders whether it's a ginger bear or a wheat bear. He looks on in surprise and alarm as it eats a cake of soap and its master just sits there, watching the bubbles in his bear. His eyes widen as he notices that the beast has three upper limbs, then remembers Farshorian's inalienable right two bear arms and relaxes.

"They were just scrote-hairs, if you ask me. They ain't part of anything bigger"


1 person marked this as a favorite.
Don Juan de Doodlebug wrote:
Mmmm, Gregor Samsa porn.

"You've got a hard shell, but your belly is soft

I'm trying to figure out how to get you off"

Interspecies love is wrong

Please yourselves, though - it's no skin off my nose, as the baby boy said to the Moyl.

Since it's been warm, I've been out in the garden reading Thongor - Thongor of Lemuria and Thongor in the City of the Magicians, though I'm only halfway through the second.


1 person marked this as a favorite.

For the supply of port to give out.


1 person marked this as a favorite.

Full Brazilian time.

Som Imaginario

And

Bixo da Seda, which may be a bit too far down the jazz/rock route for some.


1 person marked this as a favorite.

Ariesta Birawa Group

I was hoping this album was on Youtube. And it is!


2 people marked this as a favorite.

Dragonlords of Mystara by Thorarinn Gunnarsson; pretty unbeatable name for a fantasy author, but a bit so-so as a novel. Still, I know very little about Mystara, so interesting from that point of view.

EDIT: And, of course, Are you there, Lenin? It's me, Doodlebug, by Vanessa Pablovovich Shachtman


2 people marked this as a favorite.
Squirrelshades wrote:
Ypu'll have to be more specific was it a potayto or a potahto?

It was a pototo, providing tuberous nutritional delights and at the same time blessing the rains down in Africa.


1 person marked this as a favorite.

Every time I have a feast, the old sod turns himself invisible and writes all over my wall, trying to advertise his bath accessories supply business. Many, many particular loofahs in, like I care.


1 person marked this as a favorite.

I'm so, so glad that the [redacted] spangled [redacted] of PiPu still waves o'er this thread.

It's slave girls with fat ankles o'clock in Nomads of Gor. Also reading The Greatest Traitor - the life of Roger Mortimer, who fell in love with Queen Isabella (she wuvved him back, too), deposed and imprisoned (and probably murdered, although no-one can prove it was via red hot poker, as legend has it) Edward II, and generally had a right old time of it in 13th century England. Fewer 'sexual outsiders' than John Irving, but more public disembowelments/on-battlefield castrations, or so I should imagine.


1 person marked this as a favorite.

Sun Ra's Arkestra in session (available until 11pm GMT tomorrow

Shabaka Hutchings of Sons of Kemet is with them too. Huzzah!


1 person marked this as a favorite.
Doodlebug Anklebiter wrote:

My local comrade buddy is entering a contest on Michael Moorcock's website to write Eternal Champion fan fiction. I think. Apparently, you can compose your story on the website and then others (Michael Moorcock?) can comment on them as you write, but he isn't brave enough to try that.

Good news! And it gives me an idea for a story about a vendor of exotic diseases in Nadsokor. Now all I have to do is get off my luxuriantly pelted behind and write it...

Just finished A Book of Voyages, edited by Patrick O'Brian - a compilation of traveller's/sailor's accounts from the 16th-18th centuries, including some pretty grim accounts of starvation/cannibalism/shipwreck, and so on. Fascinating.


1 person marked this as a favorite.

Tammuz: "Hey, what do you call a dead body dressed in tweed plus-fours, a Pringle sweater, a Tam O'Shanter and brogues with little spikes on the sole?"

Tiamat: "A golf corpse!"

Ishtar: "Watch out for the nineteenth hole!"

Tammuz: "Ew"

Tiamat: "Why did the cremated Yale student have to leave Skull and Bones?"

Ishtar: "His membership had ex-pyred! I've got one - what do you call a dramatic production about the Black Death featuring plenty of cleavage?"

Tammuz: "A boob-onic play!"

Marduk: "What are you idiots all doing?"

All: "WE'RE ONLY MAKING PUNS FOR NERGAL!"


2 people marked this as a favorite.

About time I made a contribution to Funk for Friday.

So:

Lyn Christoper - Take me with you

Melodiya Ensemble - The Big Search

Babe Ruth - The Mexican


3 people marked this as a favorite.

Had a sh*t week, so decided to read Tarnsman of Gor this evening, on the same principle that punching yourself in the face will temporarily distract you from the pain of, say, a sore throat. Actually, (shamefaced whisper), I quite enjoyed it, thereby proving that I am a gruesome little perv with no critical faculties.


1 person marked this as a favorite.

Our local ice cream van plays the theme from 'The Good, the Bad and the Ugly' to announce its presence. It's not that bad a neighbourhood...

Cybotron, right now. If you wanted to sum up prog in one image, you could do worse than a bearded, bespectacled man in a cape standing in front of a battery of monophonic synths. JEALOUS.


1 person marked this as a favorite.

I blame Cosmo firstly for my overfilling my cup of tea, leading to potential spillage on precious computer. I then blame him for thinking that the obvious way around this problem would be to get down on all fours and slurp the excess out of the top of the cup like some sort of beast.

My thin veneer of civilisation stayed intact, you'll be glad to hear, and I didn't, but it was a damn' close thing.


4 people marked this as a favorite.

I am the dishwasher.

Yes, I do.

Let me tell you, they don't go in easily and for some reason don't come out any cleaner, no matter how much detergent I swallow. What am I doing wrong, Paizo?


1 person marked this as a favorite.

Had a rest from Orlando Furioso, picking up a short account of the siege of Bradford (or sieges) during the English Civil War instead. The right side won eventually, even if the Royalists did manage to blow up Kirkgate.

Tomorrow, if the weather's decent, I'm going to sit out in the garden, drink beer and read Alan Burt Akers


1 person marked this as a favorite.

Celeste Principe di un Giorno, which is quite chilled out and has lots of nice mellotron on.

After 8 hours straight going through comments about urinary tract infections, I need it - I also a) feel like the back end of an incontinent (or incompetent) otyugh and b) keep singing "Thrush, thrush, I thought I heard her calling my name now" to myself.


2 people marked this as a favorite.
Doodlebug Anklebiter wrote:

Not too much in the sf/f category, alas, but, thankfully, there's always "literature":

Ludovico Ariosto--Orlando Furioso in two Penguin volumes--no way Limey's gonna outread me

And if you can keep track of what side Barbozo, Randipanti and Supermarte are on, who's a girl, who's not, who's got the magic sword, who's got the magic donkey (etc), you're a better man than I am, gobbo din.


1 person marked this as a favorite.

Moods, by Edward Artemiev

Soviet electronica.


1 person marked this as a favorite.
Fouquier-Tinville wrote:

Despite my better judgment, I very much enjoyed The Scarlet Pimpernel, but he better not try that shiznit here in Galt!

Speaking of which, Auguste Blanqui was a true hero of the working class, brave and true, and I cherish his memory, but, alas, I have not read that book, Comrade Longears. Is it awesome?

Not too bad - I've been reading it in spurts for 3-4 days solid and not got bored of it yet, but it's not going into my top 10 straight away. Poor chap seems to have spent most of his time in jail (and got mildew at one point, he was in there so long).

Am also having a go at the second volume of Orlando Furioso, as a sort of aperitif for playing around with polearms tomorrow.


1 person marked this as a favorite.
Kajehase wrote:
Smaken är som röven - klöven.

Google Translate seems to think that means 'the taste is of the ass-hoof', which is very evocative, if slightly obscure to me. Perhaps we should just say that Sweden is a very broad-minded and liberal sort of country and leave it at that :-P


1 person marked this as a favorite.

Joe Henderson, at the moment

I also keep watching this live video of Deep Purple doing 'Burn' - great stuff, but still not sure what the song's about. My guess would be space hookers, or possibly gonorrhea.

And 'Yiddische Hula Boy' by Janet Klein


1 person marked this as a favorite.

WE NAME THE GUILTY MEN

EDIT: Irk's already done it. Sorry!


1 person marked this as a favorite.

Tone Float Organisation, who turned into Kraftwerk. Sounds nothing like the Kraftwerk we all know and (possibly) love, though.


1 person marked this as a favorite.

There will be lots more to come from Funked Up East's channel full of ex-Soviet Bloc jazz albums, but for now,

Sevil - Sevil. Armenian jazz funk. Those three words should be all you need :-P


1 person marked this as a favorite.

Given how much I like Blake and psych, it's taken me far too long to listen to Songs of Innocence and Songs of Experience by David Axelrod. Still, there you go.


1 person marked this as a favorite.

Anyone who objects to the contents, or worse, has never even heard of, such instructive works of mine as Les Pants de Malodor,The 120 Days of Noddy, Dialogue Between a Priest and a Dying Grade 5 Tuba Instruction Manual and How to Find a Disease-Ridden French Aristocratic Pervert- And Make Him Keep YOU!. For La Comtesse de Malodor, it's disease-ridden French aristocratic perverts. For my freedom-hating Elven oaf of a steward, it's women with insufficiently overdeveloped behinds who won't go to bed with him, the sexist Silvanesti pig.


1 person marked this as a favorite.

Crumbling the Antiseptic Beauty/The Splendour of Fear , by Felt


1 person marked this as a favorite.

My 'favourite' spam message I ever received read:

Spoiler:

'I can make your man volcano explode just like the famous Etna!'

Which you can sing to the tune of 'The Girl from Ipanema'


1 person marked this as a favorite.

I blame Cosmo for the BBC cancelling my favourite TV show, 'Police Duck'.

I blame him even more for the fact that 'Police Duck' doesn't exist (except in my dreams) and so couldn't even *be* cancelled


1 person marked this as a favorite.
Jessica Price wrote:
Wes: That's how you get crotch locusts.

"So you see, Officer, that's why I'm smearing my groin with honey - I'm making a trap for Prophets"

Spoiler:
A se-e-xy trap for Prophets!!!

Blame sleep deprivation, or perhaps mild concussion


1 person marked this as a favorite.

White Heaven, again


1 person marked this as a favorite.
David M Mallon wrote:

Also, my buddies Joel and Dan P. from Buzzy Girl Flynn showed me this stuff:

Roots of Chicha - psychedelic cumbias from Peru

Fantastic!

Gone off on a bit of a latin thing as a result - right now, Caravanserai by Santana (Mid 70s jazz-rock Santana = best Santana).

For afters: Sun God by Tierra and Mira Pa Ca by Chango, which is absolutely incredible.


1 person marked this as a favorite.

I blame Cosmo for the fact that I woke up this morning and the first words that came into my head were 'Clown Power'

I'm not sure whether this is some sort of Baggy Pant(hers) type movement or an exciting new development in renewable energy, but either way, it's Cosmo's fault.


3 people marked this as a favorite.

Cosmo fires up the steam-powered Cosmograph and calls the UK

Cosmo: Hello! Hellohello! Agent 666349! Come in Agent 666349! Do you read me?

Limey's Next Door Neighbour's Cat Eh? Wait a minute... H'mmmno. That particular part doesn't require any more licking. Alright. Who is it, and what do you want?

C: It is I, your dark Overlord, and I have a mission for thee! Goest thou into Limey's back garden, find the patch of weeds he is about to pull up with his bare hands and crap right in the middle of it!

LNDNC Yeah, but I'm sleep -

C: IN THE NAME OF BESHABA I COMMAND THEE!

LNDNC OK, OK. (mutters under his breath)Anything for a quiet life

*Scampers off on his errand of misery, Cosmo cackling down the Cosmograph in the background*


1 person marked this as a favorite.

Speaking of nuanced depths, Sons of Odin and Sleipnir both by Manowar. However, Odin's got fed up of waiting for me and has gone home to dry-clean his eyepatch, so I've moved on to De De Lind. Much doomier than most other Italian prog records of that period (that I've heard) - I really like it.


1 person marked this as a favorite.

I buckled a couple of weeks ago and bought the Le Orme box set - 11 albums for £23 (good for me, not so good for Le Orme). Mostly great - the one that surprised and delighted me most was Florian, which sounds nothing like their early '70s stuff, being more... Penguin Cafe-ey? Gentle Giant-esque? Don't listen to the 1990 comeback album, btw.

I've also recently found out about the Darkscorch Canticles, a comp of 70s/80s super-obscure HM which also incorporates an original RPG. Am listening to snippets from the comp, which sounds pretty good - not played the game, but the idea's a beaut, either way.


1 person marked this as a favorite.
Comrade Anklebiter wrote:
Limeylongears wrote:
Don Juan de Doodlebug wrote:

I was rewatching it over my comrades' house last night. Not a "higher rate" but "twice the rate" of female orgasm.

Ladies, if you're interested, we're recruiting.

Talk about Stalinian deviations, as I believe you people like to, there they are.

For the record, I have never, not even once, used the word "Stalinian" in all my life. Also, I'm not a people, I'm a goblin!!!

Fill your hand, elf!

En garde! Foutez le camp! Zut Simms! L'honneur de la Troisième Internationale doit rester intacte!

Start using it, little green phenomenon, and find peace and tranquility the WRP way. Or, if you prefer, guzzle a bucketful of pickles 'n' Buckfast and go and set fire to your feet (or someone else's. So long as it's consensual, everything's fine)


1 person marked this as a favorite.
Don Juan de Doodlebug wrote:

I was rewatching it over my comrades' house last night. Not a "higher rate" but "twice the rate" of female orgasm.

Ladies, if you're interested, we're recruiting.

Talk about Stalinian deviations, as I believe you people like to, there they are.

Bedtime reading at the mo consists of a second run through Outlaws of the Marsh. Good, wholesome, manly, Confucian stuff without so much of a veiled hint of nipples, if you can have a veiled hint of nipples. It sounds like a Strawberry Alarm Clock lyric, so maybe you can.

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