Kullen's page

What's with the ridiculous cartoon duck on her shield? Is that a joke or something?

(Hangs head in shame) Da "Z" is 'cuz I so dumb. Some orc kids got As in class. Some got Ds or Fs. I got Z.

And then they blast-ganged me in jail in Kirth Gersen's home game, so I'm dead anyway.

After all I am an Orc god.

Infidel! Gruumsh is an orc god. You're just misspelled. And have a weird dot after a space, that makes no sense.

So, yeah, I got a question -- are you just awesome in every other way, but not awesome at spelling?

Some sissy half-orc man with rich woman earring and peasant woman headscarf? Methinks there be some unresolved class and gender issues!

Unless you're a dirty minmaxing munchin DPR Schroedinger roll-player, playing a Commoner is just fine. My commoner always contributes to the party. He carries extra supplies from 1st level through 20th level, and he can do it all day long. When there are monsters to kill, he has barbarians and fighters and wizards in the party to do that. When there are other situations to handle, he has casters to deal with those, too. Because it's a TEAM game.

All these threads about "fixing the Commoner" are making me angry, because the Commoner is just fine, and those people are all theorycrafting or else just playing wrong. Their GM should fix whatever "problems" they claim to be experiencing, because I don't see them. And we all know that tinkering with the rules to try and fix them will inevitably bring about 4e.

Half-orc walk into magic shop, say, "Me want wand of flame strike with 5 charges."
Magic shop counterboy say, "No, only 50, 50, or 34."
Half orc take wand with 34, shoot counterboy with it 29 times. "This one have 5 left. Me take."

But that's not what we're talking about here. We're talking about your belief that the GM has an obligation to sacrifice her/his fun to accomodate a single player.

"Oh, woe is me, someone wants to play their own idea for their own character, instead of mine! Now all of my fun is RUINED RUINED RUINED! Because I can only have fun if everyone does exactly what I tell them, like the good little slave robots they're supposed to be!"

If even considering permitting a non-standard race results in the inevitable destruction of all of your fun, I'd say your idea of "fun" is restrictive enough that you're maybe better off not playing with others at all, much less DMing them.

Say the bad guy crosses the street to go murder some kids. The paladin can't find a crosswalk, so he jaywalks in pursuit. He has knowingly and willingly broken a law and committed a chaotic act. Does the DM take away all his powers? I say yes. Or does "has to be lawful" just mean you write it on the sheet, but ignore it when convenient?

"Black Leaf!!!"

The only rolls a player should make are to hits, damage and of course saves directed from outside the party.

Yeah, and not using the purple, red, or blue dice! Only the green ones. And don't let them make decisions, either, or else they get uppity. If players don't get to make decisions, they can't metagame! In fact, they shouldn't even be talking. A good DM will just type up the entire adventure in advance and hand out the transcripts; then the players can sit there quitely and read them, and you'll have no problems with them that way.

Also, Fighters Can't Have Nice Things.

discrepancies are the third pillar (the other two being pr0n and cats).

Me luvz teh kittehs.

I'm surpised no one's mentioned Cugel the Clever yet!

Did I ever tell you about when my NG elf cleric flame striked the entire party to death in an Age of Worms game, and it was deemed a good act by the DM?

Only about a hundred times.

Yeah, but you should be using that loose change to buy food. If you've got any loose change left, you don't need my tax dollars!

Unless you're hungry enough to EAT the loose change as soon as it gets into your hand -- to supplement your usual daily alotment of dirt -- then you're nowhere CLOSE to being needy enough to deserve my tax dollars!

What if the campaign world is --gasp-- different from medieval history?

Then you're obviously playing wrong.

The Rockefellers are actually a family of reptilian aliens who are suppressing infinite-energy technology and plotting world domination. What? With ...so ...many ...sources, how can it be wrong? There's even a documentary movie about it!

Kiddies, all of the above links should be marked NSFW!

That's a big 10-4, good buddy.

And what crime was Martin involved in that required Zimmerman to chase him down and confront him?

He was breaking the imaginary curfew AND wearing a hoodie -- obviously he was up to no good. Possession of skittles doesn't look too good, either. Of course, we are all assured that it had nothing at all to do with Martin being (a) a teenager and/or (b) an African American, or with (c) Zimmerman being something of a paranoid delusional.

If somebody aggressively grabbed me at night I would fight back without even thinking.

Well, you're obviously a thug, then! And if you're wearing a hoodie, you should be shot on general principle, because obviously no Law-Abiding Decent Folk (TM) would do so!

Massachusetts is pretty cool, too.

Fine -- if you hate New Hampshire so much, just leave!

Oh I have some bad A** Mu**e*f**kin theme songs.

... but no fishtank shoes, so we can't take you seriously.

Giraffes do it in the street!

Who here's got Chairman Mao pictures?

I got a picture of the top of his head...

Neither -- those settings are for noobs!
Greyhawk or Blackmoor all the way!

Did you know that Obama is a servant of the Rockefellers, who are actually disguised reptilian aliens from the Draco constellation, and who are suppressing magic energy sources revealed to us by other ("good") aliens in crop circles (and subsequently re-discovered by Tesla), in a bid to cement their plan for world domination? I learned all about that in a movie called Thrive. It makes as much sense as the Fox News "Liberal Islamic Communist One-World Conspiracy," but with a better soundtrack.

So... sick... of... superhero/comic book... movies...

In Scarn, we eat stuffy grammarians.

May you be fornicated by a giraffe. In the street!

Yeah, Charles Bronson is way cooler than those game dorks you hang out with!

It would certainly be good enough to copy the magic in the 1e-3e based forgotten realms novels.

Ugh -- Forgotten Realms (shudder). Just when I had succeeded in forgetting them, too!

Yeah, it was probably me not paying attention.

In your defense, that jerkwad Kirth keeps changing the rules when he finds problems with the old ones. Look at this thread -- it's 8 pages of him saying "Boo-hoo, this doesn't work quite right, I need to fix it, woe is me." The whole thing is sickening.

D&D ain't for girls? Then how come there's so many elfs in it, huh?
And musicals is totally for orcs. We likes it when they do that sissy twirling and then trip and fall off the stage. Heh, heh.

Get yourself an education and stop wasting everyone's time.

He don't need no book learnin'!

After shackled city we are going into The Age of Worms and finally The Crimson Tide so we will be in greyhawk for years to come.

Your PCs got no chance 'gainst 'Bama. Savage Tide they might manage, though.

*shakes fist* Aluminium! Aloooominy-um!

Four syllables ain't enough for you, bub? Talk about your sense of entitlement!

Among the many, many problems that the United States faces, I find it quite a shame that people associate Fox News with political conservatism. That's the equivalent of associating the Westboro Baptist Church with Christianity.

C'mon, boys! Looks like we got us a RINO here! Let's string him up!!!

... unless what you heard was a Power Work: Kill.

I recall dropping the screen one night. My players asked me to put it back up afterwards. Something about things being too deadly.

That's 'cause you're playin' with SISSIES.

The Pax Interneticus requires it, else all will devolve into barbarism.

You mean it hasn't already?

You'll need that big guy, once the Berbers get organized against you...

I attack.

There's a lassie after me own heart! Kills 'er own compatriots in cold blood, she does, with no sissy pretense towards givin' 'em a chance!

Don't trust anything this guy gives you! All I did was retrieve a box, and look where it got me!

Oh, if only you knew! Hey, is that a box you're holding? Lemme see what's in that!

I got a bum deal! This is all your fault! You'd better avenge me, you punks!

Where d'you think I got these scars, whelp?
P.S. Just kidding -- I got 'em as a kid. Unlike humans, orcs know how to treat unruly brats!

Anybody got a Regeneration spell?

There's this cantankerous priest of Cuthbert we ran into out in Elliston... dunno if he's high enough level for that... but watch out, the old codger packs a whallop!

It'll take more than that to get you through this adventure alive!

Yeah, you punks get a one-week stay of execution. Then it's time for the ax!

You and what army? That foreign-born charlatan and his "familiar"? Ha!
Sissy human wanna-be's like you give the whole Orcish race a bad name!

Don't know why those fools ever hired you worthless punks! Mess with me again and you'll all get the ax. Until then, I have more important things to worry about.