Jackin' Ape's page

WOO-HOO!

WOO-OOO!

WOO-OOO!!!

If a Jack farts in the clubhouse, and there is no one around to blame it on, does it have smell?

OOO-OOO!

OOO-OOO!

A massive hairy arm reaches in through the kitchen window, and lifts the pan of cooling chicken off of the counter.

Ooo-oo!

Oo-oo-OO!!!

OOO! OOO! OOO!!!!!

Ape Post

For less insulting fare, or to confuse the knuckledraggers a good 'Jackanape' can always serve ...

GRRRRRR...

The Ape leaps into the air

Hoo-HOO!

With a doubled-up fist he smacks the ball overhand to his freaky shifter friend

Hoo-hoo-HOO!

"I'm off to find Jackin' Ape. See ya later babe!"

With that, he leaps away from her view

As the tiger exits the house, the Ape scoops up the corpse and the large red bag he was carrying. He empties the bag's contents on the lawn, then stuffs the body in the bag, making a ball which he rolls to Roy, hooting to indicate that the game is ON.

The Ape is unperturbed at the exploded head/ball...he knows where a whole clan of hill giants live. But his jaw drops and his face registers shear dumbfoundment when he sees his friend the tiger shift into a human.

Hill giant head popped?

The ice in Jack Hammer's D&S clinks as the vibrations intensify.

Following the growing sounds of pounding hands and feet, the Ape enters the house, dribbling a grisy ball, appropriated from the shoulders of a hill giant who was doing little with it. He passes the ball to Roy and thunders outside for their game.

Jackin Ape is aided by Reggie in dawning his full body, spiked Ghost-Touched armor. He approaches the sad lawyer enthusiastically, his eager arms spread wide and his grin maniacal with sadistic glee.

Stick out his tongue, which is covered with half-chewed bits of pony flesh...

The Ape pushes his food around the feeding trough. There's something wrong with Hungry's usual delicious repast...as if there is some rotten ingredient in it.

Begins grabbing interlopers (pony, dislocator, ponyfans) and tossing them around in an attempt to get a game going with the skunk and the kitties.

OOO-OOO-OOO!!!

He's making a new friend so they can place a murderous game together with the interloper.

His Jackin' sense tingling, the Ape fours it back to the house. Inside he sees a playmate of his own size, as opposed to a little cuddle friend. He beings hooting lowly, and crouches and shuffles forward, offering the skunk some of his banana.

Ooo-ooo...

It is you who are failing to read profiles, Stinky.

PUNT!

Jackin Ape sorry too...
Mere mention of poo flinging make him forget :(

If only I could summon infernal dire apes. If only,....to fling dooky at yon varlet.

Woo! Woo!

Jackin Ape bursts into the room, sizes up in his rage. Picks up the stinky big skunk, and hurls him out of the clubhouse.

Ooo-ooo-OOO!

Ooo-OOO!

Jackin Ape bounds into the room through the over-sized French doors. He hoots lowly at his golem friends, then bounds to his master's side like an exuberant child...who just happens to be able to crush a VW between his arms.

He sniffs the stranger and grunts suspiciously.

Enthusiastic hooting is heard in the distance.

The house begins to vibrate with increasing intensity as the hoots draw nearer.

The ape takes the bucket of poodles and the soap as one of them bids adieu to Reggie. He takes them down to the shore of the stream behind the Jack estate, where a large metal scrubbing board has been set. He squirts the detergent over the poodles' fur, carefully avoiding their eyes, and then, with one in each hand, scrubs them up and down the board, in and out of the stream, as frothing suds envelope poodles, board, and a good four square feet of the stream before washing downstream.
Ooo-ooo!

The Ape notices that the psychotic "doll" of a clown is sputtering, spitting out batter, and talking in a very strange, annoying voice. Not liking the sound of it, he walks over to the open kitchen window and hurls it in the direction of the carnival.

When the ape tires of his jumpin clown jack, he wanders with him into the kitchen. He is mesmerized by HJ's huge industrial mixing pot full of batter. He decides to imitate HJ, stickin the clown head down in the batter pot, and vigorously using him as a beater.

OO-ooo-oooo!

The ape comes through the French doors that open out onto the (steel-reinforced) deck. The scoots into the house, crouching to enter, and heads right for the clown. He wraps his fingers around the middle of the clown, leaving its arms free. He then begins pulling on the legs of the clown, making his arms flop up and down and causing a pitiful squeaking sound to emit from him. It is a good long while before the ape tires of this excellent game.

Hoo-hoo-hoo, Jackin gleefully hoots.

The house trembles as the ape approaches.
OOO-OOO!

The smell of banana flap jacks hit the vigilant ape like a glacial avalanche hitting the Gulf of Alaska. With a shattering thud he lands on the pavement and runs on all fours to the back kitchen door. He pushes his head through the top of the dutch door.

Ooo-ooo!

Hearing that the cat has returned, Jackin lies down on top of the porte couchere and lowers a dangling string toy.

The ape slurps down the proffered banana daiquiri, but returns to his perch over the porte couchere, where he may best protect the entrance to Chez Jack. He leaves behind on the plate glass large humorous ape masks.

Jackin sees someone in the house. Who is it? He wipes the glass with his hand and looks again.

A large bestial face is pressed up against one of the large portrait windows. Jackin was disturbed from his morning bananafest by strange voices in the clubhouse. He sees nothing now, but he fogs up and smudges the window with his watching. The gorilla guardian must make sure...

Drops out of the tree and waddles towards the net with the peasant held high in the air over his head.

As the peasant runs under a tree, a long hairy arm swoops down out of a tree and wraps its massive hand around him, stopping him cold.
Ooo-OOO!

The Ape gives up his defensive position at the window, and accompanies the Jacks (and Jill) out unto the lawn, his chest heaving with anger.
THUMPS CHEST: THUD! THUD! THUD!

The smell of smoke reaches the ape's nostril in his leafy nest.
WOO-HOO!
He swings quickly to defend the Jackhouse.
Entering it, he is enraged by the scene that greets him, and he seizes the demonic metal thing, trebling in size and more than that in strength, he hurls it out the big, front bay window that he smashed so many times before, utilizing both his own strength and the force of the winds that lynora-Jill has channeled in that direction.
ROAR!

Upon hearing a reference to the Hero system, loud angry hooting is heard from outside.

OOO-aaa-OOO-aaa!

Hooting heard from outside.

Let's see, what does Jackin do with chains? You guessed it! He bursts them. He calls to his new lady friend as she departs. When she is gone, he leaps down to the ground and takes Evil Monkey's carcass out to the compost heap. Any dying tribbles he consumes.

Beating his chest and roaring, Jackin rejoices that his fiendish nature allows him to digest outsiders, and that he is not subject to illusions. If only he had the power of speech!
OOO-OOO!

Sees the Hot Dangerous Goddess, skates to her side, kicks off the used, lifeless monkey skates, seizes the goddess in his paw, scales the highest tower of the Jack estate as he sizes up, grips the top of the tower, drapes the goddess over the top sexily, and commences deafening roars, chest-beating, and knocking down of any flying enemies.
ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRR RRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Looks down on bifurcated monkey, whose separated hemispheres are misfiring, causing him to imagine that he is dodging and fighting, Jackin hoots in laughter. He then steps one foot on each half of evil monkey, slippery surface down to the pavement, and begins skating around the walkways on the Jacks' estate.

Bursts onto the scene, he seizes evil monkey and rips him in half. Then he picks up the tribble demon and punts him over the neighboring thread and out of sight.
Hoo-ooo-HOO!

Puts kitty down at its feet, begins grooming Demon Tribble, popping demonic vermin into its mouth.