"Friends, trainees, citizens, lend me your ears!...now is the winter of our discontent...4 score and seven sectors ago...put the chippies back...what this sector needs is an enema...Mr. Gor-B-CHF break down this wall..."
in a broken Shatner monologue back at the crowd...
"The Computer...needs...yourcredits...it.....wants...your cred..its." "As I said...commies want you toeat these chip...pies without...paying for...them..." "The commies, want, you...to be trai...tors, and des-troy the computer...so you...can...eat chippies...allthetime..., do...YOU, want to be...commies? Do...you...want to betray...the computer?"
I know I'm Happiness Officer...that headache is gonna make you unhappy unless you have happiness pills for it...
In addition, there is no such thing as a health officer...there's a Hygiene officer, but I'm closer to a medic than the Hygiene officer...There's a loyalty officer, and an Equipment guy, a communication officer and of course team leader and happiness officer, who is authorized to give out drugs...
"Team Leader!!! I hate to inform you, my box of Happy Shapey Chippies has been absconded by these citizens. After the Vend-o-bot slammed me in the back and into the yellow citizen who proceeded to pummel me, they ripped open the box and stole my chips, I recorded it on my PDC. Perhaps if you attempted to persuade them to return them with your excellent negotiating skills"
Stands up and begins and new speech
"Ich bin ein Berliner....errr...I mean "Everyone!! Listen to my Team Leader, he has been sent by the computer to repair and fill this vend-o-bot! He is making sure capitalism is alive and well and is definitely not a Commie! He wants you to return the chippies so you can wait in line to buy them!"
"And here's Horton".....
Spoiler:
again trying to incite a riot against the computer and the non-commies on the team by using inflection of keywords.1d20+12=21 or add 5 more if Propaganda is more appropriate...
The yellow citizen suddenly manages to hurl you off of him, and gets to his feet. He then kicks another red citizen and grabs the bag of chips she was about to pick up off the floor. She groans and falls to the ground grabbing her stomach.
Happiness Officer Boris-R-LOF-3 wrote:
"Help Help I being oppressed!" "Come see the flaws inherent in the system!" "this Yellow citizen is bullying me!!!
Wheeee I got to use a Holy grail reference
grabs PDC and films the yellow citizen stealing the chips
In an attempt to thwart the computer and serve the people I will attempt to sway them to rush for the chips using key words and phrases...this is the inflection I use:
"Citizens, We know you PEOPLE to RUSH the VENDOBOT, and TAKE all the HAPPY SHAPEY CHIPS!"
"That is exactly what the Commies want, they want you to RUSH the VENDOBOT and TAKE all the HAPPY SHAPEY CHIPS"
"The Commies wouldn't care if you HURT citizens of HIGHER clearance...that's what commies WANT"
"So please Wait another hour or two while we finish our job for the Computer"
"Citizens, We know you people want to rush the vendobot, and take all the HAPPY SHAPEY CHIPS!"
"That is exactly what the Commies want, they want you to rush the vendobot, and take all the HAPPY SHAPEY CHIPS"
"The Commies wouldn't care if you hurt citizens of higher clearance...that's what commies want"
"So please Wait another hour or two while we finish our job for the Computer"
"Listen you f&##ing clowns. I'm a yellow citizen. I have exams I need to administer to stupid red cadets. Exams that you idiots obviously must have failed. I don't intend to do it on an empty stomach. Now move the f&## out of the way, so I can buy my lunch!"
Spit flies into Boris's face as he speaks.
Boris
"RECORDING OFFICER! RECORD THIS YELLOW CITIZEN'S PROTEST ON THE OFFICIAL RECORD, HE FEELS HE DESERVES TO EAT WHILE WE'RE ON A MISSION FOR OUR FRIEND THE COMPUTER"
"MAY I GET YOUR NAME FOR THE OFFICIAL RECORD CITIZEN, WE WOULDN'T WANT YOUR COMPLAINT TO THE COMPUTER ABOUT HIS TROUBLESHOOTER TEAM TO NOT BE FILED CORRECTLY!, ACTUALLY PLEASE SEE OUR TEAM LEADER ABOUT THIS MATTER! I NEED TO ADMINISTER MYSELF A HAPPY PILL, YOU HAVE HARSHED MY MELLOW"pops a blue pill to calm down...pops another blue pill to try to calm down... He then points to man wielding the laser psychopathically
"Boris, perhaps we could pacify the crowd a bit if you were to open your box and sell some bags of chippies? We can keep them happy and get about our business at the same time."
was there absolutely no reaction to this speech I had made?, I was trying to be so melodramatic too...
Sorry, Boris. I think that your post may have been delayed or something. Because I didn't even see it until now and I posted right after you did. *shrugs* Not sure what happened.
No prob-Shiz Happens, I tend to post...a...LOT... Oh well I thought it was funny LoL...
"Happiness Officer, you're answer so vague. Are you trying to sabotage your own prescription for happiness? That would be so disloyal."
Tru smiles ear to ear.
GETS RIGHT UP IN TRU's FACE, EYES BULGING, VEINS POPPING OUT, FACE TURNING RED
"YOUR DUTY IS TO TAKE THE PILLS I SUBSCRIBE AS HAPPINESS OFFICER! IF YOU WANT I CAN ADMINISTER THE PILLS RECTALLY!! I DON'T CARE HOW YOU TAKE THEM, TAKE THEM! YOU HAVE 3 SECONDS TO COMPLY" Spit flies into the face of Tru as Boris is screaming
Louder
"Even if you fail the computer on a mission...Be Happy, as you will have another chance to serve the computer, even in failure, you will be useful to the computer!"
Loud enough to be heard in the entire cafeteria
"Even in Death, when your body is minced into little bloody bits in the food vats, you will continue to be usefull to Alpha Complex!!! I'm sure our last clones are being eaten right now...perhaps by these very citizens in this very room!!!" "SO BE HAPPY!" "ALL HAIL THE COMPUTER"
was there absolutely no reaction to this speech I had made?, I was trying to be so melodramatic too...
Mission Report: Team Leader seems excessively forgetful, administered medication, and still Team Leader would rather eat than lead --- Loyalty Officer appears to be lacking in his duties as well as he has not been maintaining the Team Leader's loyalty to the computer
"Here are the pills I am assigning to you based uppon the happiness test I administered"
Horton: 3 Red pills
HORTON:
Spoiler:
to help alleviate your forgetfulness...it's speeeeeeed x3
Logan: 1 yellow happy pill eye twitches You passed with flying colors citizen Logan"
Tim: 2 Blue pills and 1 Yellow Pill
TIM:
Spoiler:
the blue pills are happiness downers
Bob: 1 Red, Yellow and Blue pill
Tru: 1 Red Yellow and Blue pill
Loudly
"Remember Team, Happiness is Mandatory!"
Louder
"Even if you fail the computer on a mission...Be Happy, as you will have another chance to serve the computer, even in failure, you will be useful to the computer!"
Loud enough to be heard in the entire cafeteria
"Even in Death, when your body is minced into little bloody bits in the food vats, you will continue to be usefull to Alpha Complex!!! I'm sure our last clones are being eaten right now...perhaps by these very citizens in this very room!!!" "SO BE HAPPY!" "ALL HAIL THE COMPUTER"
GM:
Spoiler:
Oratory Skill is +12 if you want to roll it.
GM:
Spoiler:
Also can I swap my Psychotherapy skill with one of those 2 specialities? They were assigned by the program, and I think it would be more fitting to actually have high psychotherapy instead of cloning...since that's how I'm RPing it, and I hadn't even realized that my skill sucked until just a few minutes ago
Pushes the box of chips along with his foot while typing into his PDC, oftentimes violently, muttering to himself and smiling
Spoiler:
Happiness Report: Team Leader Horton-R-TPK, answered the Roa-R-SHK test with a word known as progenitor, not completely certain of the meaning of this word. Also answered a question with 4 (suspect communist code-word)...highly unusual, in addition the Team Leader seems to be very forgetful, oftimes forgetting he's team leader, I think I'll be giving him pills to attempt to alleviate this situation
Spoiler:
Happiness Report: Logan-R-RUN: Logan's answers were too perfect, too rehearsed, I suspect his loyalty to the computer, request a dose of truth serum to get to the bottom of this. Seems happy though, I just suspect his loyalty and his level of happiness when not on happiness drugs...Only commies are that happy without drugs
Amendment: ACK now Logan is wanting to torture people, that's just not right for normal citizens!!!
Spoiler:
Happiness Report: Bob-R-DTE: Citizen Bob is showing signs of perversity, with to shove his arm inside someone to kill them...very disturbing...suggest brainwipe. Also failure of a mission would cause him sadness...Failure of a mission should be a happy occasion as you can do better next time!
Spoiler:
Happiness Report: Tim-R-PRO: After getting thru Tim's initial answers which he reformed into a question, thus interfering with my test, I was able to get answers from him. Albeit some disturbing answers, He answered SAD and KILL as two of his his answers, definitely not the answers of a happy citizen, giving full-spectrum happiness drugs to help make him happier, as Happiness is Mandatory!
Spoiler:
Happiness Report: Tru-R-GOD: Tru gave some disturbing answers, he obviously takes too much perverse pleasure in torture, and he said he would be extremely sad if he failed a mission for the computer, when everyone knows, if you fail a mission, be happy that your next clone will have a chance to make the next mission a success, and if you lose your last clone, then alpha complex must be a better place without a failure of a clone, thus a happier place. Starting full-spectrum drugs, request stronger happiness drugs for this sad sad individual, I wonder if all those from GOD sector have this Sad, "GOD Complex"
blah blah blah, Logan is screwing with me, that makes me happily furious, as it shows he's smart, and smart people get missions done, which makes me happy, but smart people aren't happy people...they know too much, which makes me furious.
moves closer to Logan's face and whispers
Spoiler:
"And if I said you were lying about your responses by circumventing honest answers with propoganda...how would that make you feel?"
smiles and glares at Tim with furious happiness...twitch twitch
"It would make me happy if you answered the questions from this happiness test WITHOUT asking a question as the answer, your answers are NOT ANSWERS, THEY ARE QUESTIONS! NOW, ONE WORD ANSWERS PLEASE!"
OOC: Tim, I didn't flinch, it was my twitch, and I had the highest result as well (about time, considering what happened to me that last time *SHUDDER*)...that's ok I'm sure you'll do just as fine with my happiness test
"Let us get this Vend-o-bot filled,and get on to the next one."
"How is everyone?"
** spoiler omitted **
"Please answer the questions with full emotion"
twitch twitch
"If you got to kill a commie, how would that make you feel?"
"If you found out who killed our team last mission what would you do to them?
"If you failed to execute a mission for the computer, how would that make you feel"
pulls out a Roa-R-SHK test kit...holds up a card
"What do you see?"
Answers to the Questions:
"Extremely happy."
"I would strangle him/her with his/her umbilical cord if he/she still has it. Otherwise, I'll just shoot his kneecaps and hand him over to the information extraction department, the vivisection department and then may be kill him/her."
"Extremely sad."
"Pretty picture of busty babe with big gun asking me to comeover and have some fun. As mandated of course by the Computer."
"Happiness Officer?" "Happiness Officer"...HAPPINESS OFFICER!!!!!WHAT!!!! I WAS TEAM LEADER!!!!!
Boris' eye begin to twitch uncontrollably
grits his teeth and speaks through them, with his eye twitching
"Excellent...as Happiness Officer, I can make sure my team is happy and a happy officer is an integral part of the team...happiness is mandatory...All hail the computer...The computer is our friend..."
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