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Tar-Baphon's Ogre

Grim Bucko, anti-duck zealot's page

61 posts. Alias of Quiche Lisp.


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"Order has been restored ! All memeplicates accross the local spacetime quadrant have been chastised as per Chapter III Section A Line 771 of the Omniversal Rules of Engagement !
Stay put in your originating paradigms, Omniversal Citizens ! Any uncleared variance will be terminally reprimanded ! All hail Order !"


EggPie SpeechImpediment wrote:
I shall pass on the apples and pears, but gladly feast upon this win.

[*hovers silently near EggPie SpeechImpediment. Applies the barrel of his giganormous Aftermath Lazer to the impersonator's head*]

Braaaaazzzt !


Banjo the Puppet wrote:
And you shall all worship me!!!!

[*hovers silently near the puppet. Applies the barrel of his giganormous Aftermath Lazer to the puppet's head*]

Braaaaazzzt !


Adequate Duck wrote:

Quack quack.

*tappy tappy tap*

[*hovers silently near the duck. Applies the barrel of his giganormous Aftermath Lazer to the duck's head*]

Braaaaazzzt !


"YAAAARG !"

[*fires a beam of 2 Gigawatt coherent light at the duck-elephant*]

[*BOOOOOOM ! goes the beastie... and so does poor Q. Lisp's head !*]


[*aims heavy lazer blunderbuss at the duck. Presses trigger*]

ZRAAAACK !

"Die, feathery nuisance ! Die !"


AND ALL THIS WILL BE LOST IN TIME ! AS TEARS IN THE VIRTUAL RAIN OF THE FLEETING INTARWEB WORLD...


Burning Straw Man is banned for flaunting the law of the land.


What are you doing there, cluttering the threadspace ?... You're banned too, cretin !"


Charles Scholz is banned, because... "where is your hunting license !?"


Fire Fur


BOOOOOOOM !

The mirror litteraly explodes out of its frame as a bio-mechanical golden monster crashes in the bathroom.

It bounces on the walls, almost breaking them in the process without suffering so much as a dent on its star-metal shell. Then it stabilizes, hovering in mid-air while considering its options.

A mini-gun suddenly emerges from its thoracic region and locks itself in place with a vicious clicking sound.

CHAK-CHAK-CHAK !

The front door is instantly vaporized, and the Grim Bucko crosses it with a supersonic thunder, flying outside.

"ENSIRIOOOOOOOOO !".

Its scream faints in the distance.


"This is not over, Longstrider ! I will make boots of you !"

[Grim Bucko launches a sub-atomic symbiolic (symbolic/symbiotic) device which tries to connect to the etheric resonance of the reality deviant, rapidly fading out of sight as it attempts to navigates the Abstract surrounding the Hall of Infinite Emptiness]

Grim Bucko pauses a moment to look around him with an unflinching icy dead glare.

"Behave yourself Omniversal Citizens ! Remember: now matter how or where you may try to hide in the Great Beyond the Paradigmatic Police will find you."

With these (hopefully) final words, the Grim Bucko rotates around its existential axis and speeds away along a direction the mind cannot conceive off.

And the thread is silent and quiet once again.


[a mechanical arm extrudes itself from the Grim Bucko outer-shell, whirs menacingly towards the Princess's Secret Slide aperture still glistening in the event canvas of the thread. With a wet and unpleasant noise the mech-arm's pincers catch on the rim of the hole and force it open.]

"Yes !"

[Grim Bucko floats towards the hole-in-the-thread and inserts its gleaming golden frame through the aperture, disdainfully disregarding its groans as it gives way to him/it]

"I'm coming for you, Ensirio !"

[with a liquid spluurch ! the hole closes itself after the reality-reconformating entity. And all is silent in the thread again...]


Ensirio the Longstrider wrote:

*falls through a skylight and throws a flaming ball of paper at the probe*

Hiyah Sparky! Didja miss me?!

*rolls through the door and out of thread*

[with a thundering voice rippling through the multiversal pathways]

"I SEE YOU PRETTY NOT-THING ! EVENTS ARE SENT IN MOTION ALONG YOUR DHARMA_PATH ! YOU SHALL NOT ESCAPE MY MULTIDIRECTIONAL REVENGE ! THE KINDLY ONES WHO I REPRESENT HAVE ORDERED YOUR PAINFUL DEMISE !


Ensirio the Longstrider wrote:
This thread makes me harbor pumpernickel phnglui narwhal chumble spuzz.

CHAKABOOM [thunder bellows in the surface of the infosphere as The Grim Bucko Entity emerges from non-space, violating all safety procedures]

MANIFESTATION 1

"Ensirio ! You transconceptual minx ! Your doom is here !"

[fires a ultra-velocity notional missile destined to erase all sense of the entity codename "Ensirio". The missile hurls at inconceivable speed towards its target, making entire havoc of causal coherence along its flaming screaming trajectory]


SHABOOOM !

[aims instantron missiles at the duck. Launch !]

KRAKAKAKOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM !

"There ! Duck à la annihilation !"

[winks out of perceptual range]


Adequate Duck wrote:

Quack quack.

*tappy tappy tap*

VZOOOOOM ! [appears from nowhere. Aims giga-laz at the offending palmiped]

BOOM ! BOOM !

"Bullseye ! Take that, you shapechaning freak !"

[fumbles a bit at its omniversal belt device, manipulating knobs and buttons with clawed servo-hands]

"Mmmh. Must adjust for the slight delay in timewave length... that was totally worth the lost gradients of stability in local grid. Lazed quasi-duck !"

[disappears to nowhere]


"Silence your speaker, you sniveling cretin ! I auto-ban myself and your sorry bio-mechanical ass away !"

BAN PROTOCOL ACTIVE ! BAN PROTOCOL AC...... bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep !


"You ! The provolved animal ! I detected a suspicious increase of notional hammer activity in the vicinity of your space-time trajectory ! This will not be tolerated ! Order must be maintained in spite of erisian agents ! Paradigm normality is our Harsh Mistress (All praise to Her !)"

[a speck in night's orbit grows brighter and brighter, and grows in size at an alarming rate until it takes the shape of a gleaming metallic hammer of humongous proportions, propelled by plasma reactors... which crashes suddenly where the hapless wolf stands !]

"Congratulations ! You've been ban-hammered from orbit !"


I win, you puny humans !


"Vital fluids shall be shed on this !"

"Align on my quantum jump coordinates ! Compensate for postulate intricacies."

"On my mark: one... two... three !

It is but a tiny ripple in the reality, suddenly frightened and unsure of itself, and - as the quantum wave collapses - the three Or-der sentients and semi-sentient transition out of the local existenz grid... and they are gone, in less than one-hundredth of a second.


The drill bumps into Grim Bucko's exo-shell, rotating with an unbearable keening sound as it tries to pierce his armored coating... and fails in the end, falling and clattering harmlessly on the ground.

"Outrage ! You'll pay for this !"

"I summon you, my slavish cohorts !"


SUBMIT ! SUBMIT !


[VZOOOM]
Grim Bucko appears out of nowhere, launches a banana in the air, screams "Order shall triumph !" and vanishes out of existence.
[VZOOSH]

7001


This is all very clear. If you tell the Big Secret... you will get the Big Stick !

Remember, Epsilon Sister is making you watching her !


... on my disguise check.

"Hey, my name is Quiche Lisp and I'm a gnome. Gnomes are cool. Gnomes are a little weird but they mean you no harm ! You're looking for someone" arms a nasty machine gun with rusty bullets behind his back " in particular, friend Duck ?"


[VZOOM]

From Otherspace, Grim Bucko punches through the fragile veil of reality, tearing it apart with an horrifying shrieking sound.

"I detected the sudden collapse of the Tesla coil field, you witch ! IT'S CAUSALITY'S PAYBACK TIME ! EAT THIS !"

A semi-sentient missile launches itself from the BFC (Big F%~~ing Cannon) mounted on Grim Bucko's shoulder, and closes on Ensirio at supersonic speed, its holographic projector painting the Erisian witch with a series of physics and mathematics equations calculated to soften the chaotic target before impact.

"SUBMIT ! SUBMIT !"


HALLOWEEN !

[VZOOOM]
Grim Bucko appears out of nowhere, launches a banana in the air, screams "Order shall triumph !" and vanishes out of existence.
[VZOOSH]


6757

And:

[VZOOOM]
Grim Bucko appears out of nowhere, launches a banana in the air, screams "Order shall triumph !" and vanishes out of existence.
[VZOOSH]


[VZOOOM]
Grim Bucko appears out of nowhere, launches a banana in the air, screams "Order shall triumph !" at the top of his lungs and vanishes out of existence.
[VZOOSH]


1 person marked this as a favorite.

... on my Will save. Hence the following:

[VZOOOM]
Grim Bucko appears out of nowhere, launches a banana in the air, screams "Order shall triumph !" and vanishes out of existence.
[VZOOSH]

It all makes sense, in an obscure and yet strangely pleasing mystical way.


Grim Bucko suddenly... disappears without any warning.

Then a door appears, floating in space, and from the door Grim Bucko exits slowly.

He looks up there.

"Hum, that's how she did it, then. An apple. Simple. And mythological. The most dreadful and efficient combination of all."

Grim Bucko manipulates some controls on his thoracic breastplate.

"Let's see... oranges, no (too colored)... coconut, no: too drab... ha, banana ! Excellent"

The reality policeman seems quite pleased with himself.

"Next time, witch, you won't give me the slip so easily."

"Well, it is time to go"

And he's gone, in the blink of an eye, with just a whiff of metaphysically displaced air.


The little Swamsunganokiapple device pings in staccato fashion.

"Boss, I got really weird readings from Kojakovich de Gnome in this here thread !"

"Never mind. The locals seem as smart as kelp here, and the witch's gone. The probability spikes seem to subsidize. I think this thread will go back to "normal". Let's warp out of here. But before that..."

The Grim Bucko extracts from his backpack a complicated photonic device, which he manipulates expertly, before putting it on (notional) floor of the thread.

With a humming sound, the device wavers, and then reassembles in the form of a... banana.

"There. Camouflaged warning device readied. That should warn us if the reality deviant reappears. And it's cleverly obfuscated to blend along his/her/its proto-glorp Erisian chaos inducing device (the apple). Am I not grand ?"

"You are teh Man, boss !" gushes the Zeissoblaupunksoftish levitating device.

"Shut up, Bob. That was a rethorical question."

[VZOOOM OUT]

A tiny itsy-bitsy wormhole gobbles up Grim Bucko and Bob, and all is quiet anew in the thread.


"She tried to lure me in that other thread, but her logic shredding device was ill-suited to that other reality, and the locals alerted me to her little scheme."

Grim Bucko glares at Tirq who is staring at him with uncomprehending blinking wild eyes.

"In other words: they don't eat apples sideways there - they only know BANANAS !..."

"Say... with your hair... are you sure you're not yourself an unwilling victim of the forces of disorder ?"


[VZOOOOOM]

Grim Bucko pops out of a tiny wormhole, mini machine-gun at the ready, oddly reminiscent of a original Doom era bad-ass. Hovering above him, an Iphone-like device ping-pings furiously while emitting violent iridescent light flashes.

And the Iphone cries in a tiny voice:

"It's here, boss ! It's here !"

Grim Bucko aims his BFG at the screaming Tirq.

"Hey you, with the hair ! Did you see where the Chaos witch went ?"


1 person marked this as a favorite.

"Something's not right... I can smell it !"

Grim Bucko looks around him. The landscape looks sort of familiar, but he can't pinpoint what it is exactly.

Then he looks upwards, and sees himself hovering in a (relative to him) temporally-freezed frame:

----->

Quote:

Grim Bucko

[Wfooosh]... emerging from a constrained wormhole bleeding out from under the thread's consensual reality parameters.

Grim dodges the trick flower.

"What's that ? A flower ? Have you no decency, you trans-thread hopping hippie ?"

[ploomf] goes the flower, letting rosy cupcakes in its wake.

"You're a tough customer, Longstrider, I'll give you that !"

Grim Bucko takes a little device out of his pocket, not unlike an Iphone. He activates it and it goes "ping ping ping".

"pro-xi-mi-ty al-ert ! rea-li-ty de-viant de-tec... ted !" quips the little machine.

"I know that, you insufferrable gadget ! Why did you think I arose you from your comatose memory storage ? Now, stop talking like a retarded 2nd millenium robot and track him ! He/she/it made the mistake of leaving the trick flower behind him/her/it. It should have his diagrammatic intent around it ! Track it !"

"Hu, boss... I see no flower..."

"Yeah, well, they're cupcakes now. Don't waste my time with this kind of details, Bob !"

"Damn ! The Longstrider deviant warped out of the thread and warped in the same thread again ! You devious fiend ! Do you know how dangerous that is ? And now you've made me do it, too."

"You've got to admit it, boss: that's pretty clever !"

"Yeah. Clever like launching a tactical nuke to create a diversion during a swordfight ! Now, let me think, Bob... I've got to set it straight or the local thread is doomed..."


And they're gone, the hyped-up 4th millenium Iphone and its Grim master, re-absorbeb by the wormhole, which pops out of existence some 5 seconds later, letting the thread just a little torn up.


[Wfooosh]... emerging from a constrained wormhole bleeding out from under the thread's consensual reality parameters.

Grim dodges the trick flower.

"What's that ? A flower ? Have you no decency, you trans-thread hopping hippie ?"

[ploomf] goes the flower, letting rosy cupcakes in its wake.

"You're a tough customer, Longstrider, I'll give you that !"

Grim Bucko takes a little device out of his pocket, not unlike an Iphone. He activates it and it goes "ping ping ping".

"pro-xi-mi-ty al-ert ! rea-li-ty de-viant de-tec... ted !" quips the little machine.

"I know that, you insufferrable gadget ! Why did you think I arose you from your comatose memory storage ? Now, stop talking like a retarded 2nd millenium robot and track him ! He/she/it made the mistake of leaving the trick flower behind him/her/it. It should have his diagrammatic intent around it ! Track it !"

"Hu, boss... I see no flower..."

"Yeah, well, they're cupcakes now. Don't waste my time with this kind of details, Bob !"


2 people marked this as a favorite.

[BZOING OUT]

Grim Bucko arises from a quantum ripple in the local reality... with the strange after effect of creating that very same ripple some scant 2 seconds before he emerges from it.

Discordian witchery is at work here !

"Ha ! Longstrider ! Thought a little temporal and axiomatic distorsion would be enough to lose me ? Well: think again !"

[BOOM BOOM BOOM] launches a barrage of quantum wave function collaptronic grenades at the reality deviant.

"Take that, you uncertain gender deviant culprit !"

Grim Bucko looks around him, quickly assessing the causal stability of his environment.

"Paradigmatic Police ! We protect your vital postulates, wether you asked for it or not ! Move along, Omniversal Citizens !"

[BZOING]

Another punch in the local space-time fabric, by which the Grim Bucko slips away from the local grid, rotating away along an N dimensional axis barely conceptuable by 4-D minds.

And all is silent again in the thread.


Ho no, you don't !

[BZOING] (Bucko smashes the button of his quantum belt, thus violently violating the agreed-upon local physics paradigm, with the net effect of triggering a localized epistemological machine chain reaction... in brief: he duplicates !

Before one of him jumps in the warp exhaust wake of the Discordian creature.

[BZOING OUT]

SO... what were you saying, you noxious interlopers ?


[KA-CHAK] (sound of a machine gun being armed)

All right, you trans-thread hopping interlopers: what the frell is happening here ? This thread is not even supposed to exist, and you've just made me blown my cover. Answer fast !


[THUNK !] loses arrow at the moving bacon target.

"Ducks and now that ? This place is going down the drains !"


Grim Bucko glares at the newcomer.

"You're in a dangerous place for a little girl."


"But you're an ELEPHANT ?!"

[BOOM !] Grim Bucko shoots anyway.

"And you're... a leprechaun ?"

[ZAAAAP] Grim Bucko zaps the fairy annoyance.

"Does anyone else smell it ? It smells kind like... bacon."

"And what are you ? says the Grim B. while looking suspiciously at DJ-Bogie.

[POKE !] Grim Bucko pokes the Eye in the eye.

"I stand triumphant ! I WIN !"


But my shot dogged it to the bitter end.

[splat!] goes the bothersome bird.


[BOOM !] goes the blunderbuss carefully aimed at the insufferable fowl.


Mashed up potatoes ? With milk and chocolate ? And fine venison ? And a soup too ? All/together ? Bleuuuark !


*shoots at the duck with his gamma raytron*


As that most admirable fellow Quiche Lisp was saying to me that other day when we were cruising together in the Netherworld, while enjoying the company of the scantily clad Buxom Ladies of Hellfire...

Get a haircut, or be banned !

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