Paizo Top Nav Branding
  • Hello, Guest! |
  • Sign In |
  • My Account |
  • Shopping Cart |
  • Help/FAQ
About Paizo Messageboards News Paizo Blog Help/FAQ
The Genie Binder

Grarnold Smurfenegger's page

24 posts. Alias of Ambrosia Slaad.


1 person marked this as a favorite.
SCP-682 wrote:
Put my name on the ballot. My campaign platform is "I WILL REND YOUR FLESH FROM YOUR PINSTICK BONES ONE STRAND AT A TIME". I think it'll do well in the primaries.

Hmmm, you're already polling at least 7 points ahead of the other Republican candidates. According to our latest focus groups, you could almost double that lead if you ate one of the others, say Lindsey Graham or Carly Fiorina. We would recommend Trump, but we're worried PETA mistakenly believes he is an orangutan, and would thus boycott you.

1 person marked this as a favorite.
Mythic JMD031 wrote:

I don't know, it kind of looks like a puma.

I blame Cosmo for Griff making up words.

EET'S NOT AH TUMA PUMA! Eeuauaughhhuauaahh!

Ah blahm Kozmoh fur hee's buuk, Hoo tu Speek Ingleesh zee Gohvenatur's Vey.

Schmorgan Heckengaard wrote:
...But then I took an arrow to the knee.

It could always be worse...

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Bah, I blame Cosmo for the over-hyped fear of Perytons Eating Tender Faeries.

{does the Snoopy dance}

1 person marked this as a favorite.
Liz Courts wrote:
...wait, are we talking *Paizo* movie or *Pathfinder* movie? Because they're two different things...

So, in the *Paizo* movie, do all the villagers suddenly turn into Tiny blue humanoids when they say the S word?

If it's an animated movie, can we get Lucky Yates to voice the PMG?

1 person marked this as a favorite.
Grarnold Smurfenegger wrote:
I need to call a couple pipe-wielding Dovahkiins and Get Merethical on that spammer's ass.

The spammer's back! Eeuauaughhhuauaahh!!!!

1 person marked this as a favorite.

I need to call a couple pipe-wielding Dovahkiins and Get Merethical on that spammer's ass.

2 people marked this as a favorite.

Us it time for us smurfs yet?

Tirq is banned for stealing mattress tags when it is clearly prohibited.

Tirq is doubly-banned for telling me that hiring a maid was a good idea.

Tirq is triply-banned for telling me it was safe to prank Chuck Norris on the set of the Expendables II: Geriatric Boogaloo. Thankfully, I had planted evidence blaming it on Bruce Willis.

President of the We Can Forget It For You Wholesale club (and also a client)

Mr. "The Sorting Hat Says 'Ask Again Later'"

{shuffles stack of papers} And now time for your emails and tweets...

Matthew Morris wrote:
I thought a Warlock was the son of a Magus...

So he's half-gish on his poppa's side?

I blame Skynet.

And Danny Devito.

Gruumash is banned for using "He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named"'s plastic surgeon.

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Grarnold Smurfenegger: You're in your room, surfing on, when all of a sudden you look up...
BigNorseWolf: What one?
Smurfenegger: What?
BNW: What forum?
Smurfenegger: It doesn't make any difference what forum, it's completely hypothetical.
BNW: But, how come I'd be there?
Smurfenegger: Maybe you're playing a PbP. Maybe you want to optimize a PC. Who knows? You look up and see a moth, BigNorseWolf. It's crawling toward you...
BNW: Moth? What's that?
Smurfenegger: {irritated by interruptions} You know what a Mothman is?
BNW: Of course!
Smurfenegger: Same thing.
BNW: I've never seen a Mothman... But I understand what you mean.
Smurfenegger: You reach down and you flick the moth into an OTF political thread.
BNW: Do you make up these questions, Mr. Smurfenegger? Or do they write 'em down for you?
Smurfenegger: The moth lies trapped in the thread, its SAN draining from the trolls' comments, beating its head against the rhetorical wall, smurf's dancing and singing everywhere. It can't escape. Not without your help. But you're not flagging.
BNW: {angry at the suggestion} What do you mean, I'm not flagging?
Smurfenegger: I mean: you're not flagging! Why is that, BNW?

Sgt. Curtin wrote:

Welcome back. Mind the rots, they've made a mess of things here.

Tosses an M4 over to the goggle-eyed kid

"Watch your six. Them rots are quick and nasty. Skull shots only."

Is this gonna be a standup fight, sir, or another bughunt?

Crimson Jester wrote:

Hawaiian style, with pineapples and ham/spam, is dangerously socialist... everyone knows that.

No, no, no.

1) Baldwin is secretly the superhero, Bloviator. (Don't let him start monologuing or your ears will explode.)

2) Murdoch has an imaginary dog Billy and is a top helicopter/airplane pilot.

Well, it floats, so it must weigh the same as a duck or witch, right?

Is this question on the Citizenship Exam?

If you knew how much wood went into the cask, then this might help.

Tide powder is actually miniature dehydrated Martians... after rehydrating, they scrub your clothes clean in gratitude, then escape into the sewers where they regroup and plot the coming invasion.

Tide liquid is the magic-laced blood from freshly-squeezed Smurfs.

Spanky the Leprechaun wrote:
That's 10.

TEN, TEN BOTFLY FANS!!! AH-HA-HA-HA-HA!!! {thunder and lightning in the background}

Leafar the Lost wrote:
It's also a known fact that Papa Smurf had an inappropriate relationship with Smurfette. Remember, Smurfette was created by Gargamel, so when Papa met her she was literally days old. Papa Smurf has not revealed his true age, but it is estimated that he is several centuries old. Clearly, it is highly unethical for him to have a physical relationship with someone so young, and I believe that disqualifies him becoming the next US president. He isn't even married, so who would be the First Lady? Smurfette? We would have to call her the First Mistress.

Oooo, ouch.

©2002–2015 Paizo Inc.®. Need help? Email or call 425-250-0800 during our business hours: Monday–Friday, 10 AM–5 PM Pacific Time. View our privacy policy. Paizo Inc., Paizo, the Paizo golem logo, Pathfinder, the Pathfinder logo, Pathfinder Society, GameMastery, and Planet Stories are registered trademarks of Paizo Inc., and Pathfinder Roleplaying Game, Pathfinder Campaign Setting, Pathfinder Adventure Path, Pathfinder Adventure Card Game, Pathfinder Player Companion, Pathfinder Modules, Pathfinder Tales, Pathfinder Battles, Pathfinder Online, PaizoCon, RPG Superstar, The Golem's Got It, Titanic Games, the Titanic logo, and the Planet Stories planet logo are trademarks of Paizo Inc. Dungeons & Dragons, Dragon, Dungeon, and Polyhedron are registered trademarks of Wizards of the Coast, Inc., a subsidiary of Hasbro, Inc., and have been used by Paizo Inc. under license. Most product names are trademarks owned or used under license by the companies that publish those products; use of such names without mention of trademark status should not be construed as a challenge to such status.