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Gem Inspector

GoatToucher's page

877 posts. No reviews. No lists. No wishlists.


1 to 50 of 877 << first < prev | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | next > last >>

Schism is banned for losing her pupils. superfluous fifth nipple!

This is me.


:sprays TFF with fluids that are most unwholesome, but refreshing as a cool country spring:

Would the next poster kindly scrub this burned crust off my back? It itches terribly.

Can't it be both? :unfurls fan and flutters it coquettishly:

Indeed. One hates to get caught in the hinterlands with a trunk full of... unmentionables.

And, for the record, I was ejected from the priesthood due to my distaste for mutilation. True artistry comes from leaving a subject physically whole, but mentally/emotionally/spiritually... altered.

The next poster has been so altered, and will briefly sum up the experience.

rashly5 is banned for impugning their impinging.

I whisper something so terrible, so abhorrent, and so true into IHIYC's ear that he turns to the bottle and dies a pauper's death in an abandoned building, where the hobos rifle through his pockets for valuables and the rats have a feast, untroubled by what their meal has known.

...that cursed Tropic of Cancer!

:waves a bottle of bourbon and a glazed doghnut to get Cosmo's attention, then tosses them into the pit as Cosmo charges, causing him to hurtle back into his pit:

Whew! That was exhausting. Next poster, would you kindly give me a full body massage?

:disrobes, climbs onto table, sans towel:


I've got some nice andouille you can lay your hands on.

:smokes a cigarette:

Thank you, Grodd...

*on the

TFF is banned because the malign delight he seems to express about everything is actually quite forced.

IHIYC is banned because those court records were -sealed-!

Oh my yes! This -is- a delight! :munchmunchmunch:

Not that I take exception to his lifestyle choices at all, but "gay Bieber" is a bit redundant, wouldn't you say?

The next poster absolutely -hungers- for a lapdance from Justin Bieber.

UDS, meet RoboPope. Part man. Part machine. All Pope.

:ducks and covers to avoid the catastrophic wave of positive energy:

:Like, remember when the moon of Kronos blew up in that Star Trek movie? Like that, only with a Pope:

UDS is banned because their hate lightning couldn't power a Furby.


...Dumbledore keeping essential information from me until -far- after it would have been useful!

There are ...things... inside me. Oh yesss...

:takes the Win and retires to another room, concealing it "on" his person:

Done "for" it. Everything between me and the Win has been delightfully consensual.

:rubs scented oils into the Win:

Certainly. He hates the taste, though, so they will have to be applied in enema form. I'll need a dozen bananas, a burlap sack, and an empty Pringles can.

Next poster, would you kindly soothe Grodd with the song of your people?

Some would call it torture, I suppose. I call it sensual massage: external and internal.

The next poster took pictures of my and Grodd's last session for his/her collection.

...the heartbreak of psoriasis.


Banned for being a sassy-boots. :spritzes KE with spray bottle: Back in your bed, Lord Sprinklebottom!

Kat's Eye is banned for leaving his opulent cat-bed by my side, and by not using his courtly name: "Lord Sprinklebottom"

Poog is banned for not attending the Silly-Nanny meeting this morning when I laid out the duties all the Silly-Nannies will attend to today.

Poog, you are in charge of waving a monogrammed lace handkerchief and fainting elaborately whenever anything shocking happens.

And put on your powdered wig! Have some self respect, for Fop's sake!

UDS, you all will emit derisive high pitched giggles whenever someone else is made to look foolish.

Wylliam Harrison will exclaim "Well I -never-!" when insulted.

TFF will will titter seductively and finger wave at any ladies or gentlemen who succeed at their endeavors.

Triphoppenskip, you will be my body servant again today. Retrieve your sponges and meet me in the bath. My more unwholesome crevices need attention.

MessageBoardTroll... just try not to step on anyone in the royal family... for once.

Oh yes! Right there! Now a bit to the left... -that's- it... Mmm.

Wylliam's robo-nipples? Meet Mr. Jumper Cables VonHookedUpToACarBattery, MD.

:suddenly appears, giving Grodd a backrub:


:whispers into ear: Mmm... You smell nice.

The UDS is banned for being a bunch of Silly-Nannies.

It's not that I lack the courage, but the will. Imagine the violations that would arise in the wake of the rising of a Great Old One :strokes chest: Mmmmmm....

The next poster thinks the Ulfen Death Squad talks a mean game, but lacks the creativity (and the onions) to commit a really interesting atrocity.

I introduce the UDS to my best friend: three tons of flesh eating beetles!


KahnyaGnorc has eleven toes. Ten on one foot, and one big toe on the other.

Some thing strange... and painful... and -wonderful-.

The next poster saw something strange in his neighborhood.


:darpes a hand over MBT's shoulder, also snuggled up in the blankie:

Well, more of a club, and I'm more a juggler than a fighter...


Pulg likes cold soup.

MD is banned for turning conversation away from livestock.

Ain't no party like a No Pants Party 'cause a No Pants Party -NEVER ENDS-!

:gyrates hips:

Lack of fur to grip.

The next poster is relishing that mental image.

Red Midnight

TFF bankrolled the operation.

:dances about, shaking his hips and bottom in time to the SMB theme music:

Here-a we GO!

Indeed. Sales of my "gently used" goat-hair coats and sweaters are plummeting!

The next poster just found our that s/he is wearing one of those coats right now.

:wearing a two sizes too small red and blue plumber's outfit:


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