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Gem Inspector

GoatToucher's page

1,597 posts. No reviews. No lists. No wishlists.


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Black Lotus salad
I would sell haggar to a
Slayer such as you?


IHIYC is especially good at expectorating.


:IHIYC removes mask, revealing himself as a mostly nude GT:

:GT removes the mask from the bisected GT, revealing the corpse to be a fully clothed IHIYC:

Ta-Daaaaah!


Some Like It Sharp


Needles for Ned


I was. Allow me to demonstrate!

:demonstrates. The results are predictable, and cause 1d6+2 Wisdom damage per minute observing:

The next poster will towel me off after that bracing exercise.


:bursts out of Fred's abdomen, covered with fluids and a sash reading "Happy Birthday Colonel!":

Ta-Daaaaah!


:addresses the Horde:

This is what awaits you all if you find victory!

:does a mostly-nude and liberally-oiled erotic dance to 'inspire" the Horde:

:the dance lasts some time:


a spent pile of congressfolk


Swim East


...this dirty fork!


MD's girl likes to party all the time, party all the time, party all the ti-ime.


Eddie Izzard rules
With a firm and red-nailed hand
Now choose cake or death


Joynt Jezebel is banned for abandoning her Juke.


Then there came a woman. Her eyes flashing in the moonlight. Her jaw set in steely resolution. Her hands, worn with toil, bore an axe. Her arms and shoulders broad and ropey with sinew. Her red hair flowed free in the cool evening breeze.

She went to the people, telling tales of the demons. How a man here or a woman there caught a glimpse of their true nature. How some had begun to rise up and fight, slaying the demonic overlords and their kin.

The people, however, were broken and worn.


A Stab for Emily


Your Turgidity, I bring you neptune.com!

Next poster, I command you to bring me furniture! :claps briskly:


Nobody ever said they were -your- magics, Old Man.


:for example, nobody has the correct amount of testicles any longer. They either have too many or too few in a variety of numeric combinations. The only thing more unsettling than this physical reality is the knowledge that it happened without anyone knowing, including the victims. Now, every pleasant sensation is suspect. It is real, or an illusion masking the twisted depredations of an Unknowable Entity? Every pleasant meal, every lover's caress, the smile of every child might be hiding something terrible:

:The not knowing is enough to drive you mad.:


:the assembled begin to have all manner of wonderful things happen involving ponies, cake, and neck rubs, and all in perfectly savory and appropriate ways. Yet over time, they begin to become ill. Visiting the healer, they discover all sorts of physical maladies, ruptures, tears, prolapses, diseases, ingestion of unwholesome substances and, in several occurrences, the branding of the letters "GT" on their flanks:

:nobody has any memory of anything happening that could have cause these horrible and intimate injuries, and, indeed, remember only fortunate and pleasant events. Many share a memory of being in a room covered in candy and gumdrops where beautiful fairies danced across their skin.:

:it's as if some sort of phantom moves among them. Invisible, malign, and with the ability to perform all manner of atrocities absent of any resistance or repercussions. He holds godlike power over them, his every move masked from their knowing by powerful magics of sunshine and happiness, but the physical results all too real:


Banned for being the orneriest outlaw west of the Pecos.


Imagine all the people remembering delighterrible things being done to them by a red velvet cake, or a pecan pie, or a loaf of pumpernickel. How wonderful!

Time to make some new memories though. Private Tiny, be a dear and get that five gallon drum of pork gravy from the "Workroom", and bring the fanciest ladle you can find!


Trekkie's favorite series was Enterprise because anything is improved by the presence of Scott Bakula.

Try it! Ice Cream! Your Aunt Bernice's funeral! Tax season!


Behold, Dread Lord, for I have brought you darcy.co.uk!

Next poster, by my loins, I compel you to bring me a mental infirmity!


Granted. Hyperdrive is a new Uber-like system wherein all the drivers are sixteen year old boys with ADHD.

I wish Poog knew what I was thinking about him.


seduce various members of congress


Banned for being indistinguishable from the myriad clones and simulacra of you that GW has made.


:walks in, nude, and begins rubbing pies on himself:

MMMmmm... That's the ticket!

:middle aged high-society lady faints:


You're Next


Burt Reynolds, Paul Newman, and


KG planned to assassinate Andrew Lincoln after Rick exiled Carol, but then she came back and the plan was shelved.

For now...


... this spiritually awakened set of bicentennial commemorative plates!


... the ghost of the Marquis de Lafayette!


The Trammps. The extra M is for Quality!


I have a number of them. But I -will- name them for you. They include [REDACTED. In the name of all that's holy, REDACTED!]

The next poster shares at least one of my infatuations, and will describe it.


conservative sexual morays of yesteryear


GM_B helped to develop the light show programmed into the merkin.


Quiche Lisp has a braised puppy recipe so good that it will make you rethink your life.


Pray for the Blade


Time Stabbers


took one look at a Koala and


... my propensity for rectal prolapse!


GB_M sings "Lay Lady Lay" softly in GW's ear as he cleans him.


... the Military Industrial Complex!


Everyone Must Stab II: Suffer the Little Children


Oh, God: Not My Genitals!


...the coming of Flimtar the Consumer!


Granted, but it is written by George Lucas.

I knew then what I know now.


and white men as the


The one light in GM_B's life is giving GW his thrice daily spongebaths.

He really gets in those crevices.

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