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Gem Inspector

GoatToucher's page

420 posts. No reviews. No lists. No wishlists.


1 to 50 of 420 << first < prev | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | next > last >>

Always bet on black.

:Runs over WH with a combine harvester:

I claim this win for Queen Isabella of Spain!

Fuel Drop should not rule this city, because there is only room for one ascot wearing reprobate in this town!


:Shoots Brad:


:Shoots Janet:

Doctor Scott!

:Shoots IHIYC:

Yes. Uninflatable balloons leave me cold. Blech!

The next poster will bring the hobbits alive... and unspoiled.

Not Enough Guns 4: The Gunnening

bring a class action suit against the

fire department arrived with the

known as "GassItalianos"

1. You were convicted of defrauding hundreds of people out of their life's savings. Was your twenty month prison term unpleasant?

2. How's the steak?

3. As representative of the Florida Citrus Growers Coalition, what is your new marketing campaign?


1. I'll grind yer bones ta make me bread!

2. Delicious pork gravy.

3. :turns head to the side: I don't know -what- to make of that.

KenderKin's real name is KenderKEN.

Granted. While you are busy flipping off the city, some hooligans steal your mattress full of cash.

I wish The Barenaked Ladies would stage a comeback.

Banana Cream Pie.

Break all of the fingers on one hand


Knock out all your front teeth

... my crippling addiction to methamphetamine!

Colostomy Bag of Holding Type VI

I pull out and blow on my bison whistle, which is followed by a low rumbling, growing louder until it resolves into a stampede that tramples IHIYC under the hooves of some of America's noblest creatures.

The stampede continues for several minutes.

buffet table shriek girlishly and soil himself

... these slithy toves and all their gyring and gimbling! There's Pirates' Gold 'neath that wabe!

TFF is actually the abyssal form of Ricardo Montalban.

1. Do you have any advice for female cosplayers?

2. Are you sad about your fellow party members being a gang of bumbling stereotypes?

3. :grabs you by the lapels, lifts you off the ground, and bellows in your face: Clap! Clap to show you believe in me!


1. Oh dear. I suppose I should have used the 1/4 inch wrench instead.

2. It went straight through and stuck in the wall behind him.

3. Dipped, with mozzarella and sweet peppers.

five different cheeses

primarily due to

used car sales in the tri-state

... the trail of mucus I leave wherever I go!

1. Alright, so what's your latest get rich quick scheme?

2. O, mighty Oracle, what will bring about the destruction of life as we know it?

3. So, you say the professor was injured by one of his own inventions gone hilariously awry. What did the job this time?


1. I used to think that there was no such thing as "too much calamari".

2. I wish that I had packed my special ointment.

3. Laser-beam eyeballs.

What happened next

Zan and Jayna were stuck

began in earnest, with one lawyer throwing

for good Christians

cobbler, but drinking

Granted. Good news: It's a suppository!

I wish the Wizarding World of Harry Potter were real!

:watches WH's Win crash while updating, and retains his original recipe win:

TFF should not rule this city because he stifles creativity.

Yes... "Old Goats" indeed!

The next poster needs regular sponge baths to keep moist.

that they should

..income disparity in the United States!

But -you- retain an overwhelming urge to touch goats, making you a Goat Toucher, so, without even knowing, you become me.

It's all -very- existential.

My favorite is to go up to the check in and announce "My name is Prince Anayam Fuhn'kay."

The next poster likes the color blue... too much.

for walkin' but

...this darned spastic colon!

. Blacksmiths often complain

:my head opens up into a grotesque vertical toothy maw and devours Grundolker as he rings his foot down for another stomp:

:uses Grundolker's biomass to form new limbs and heal apparent wounds:

:casts Carl's Catastrophic Colonic Irrigation on Grundolker:

:takes Win and scoots away to avoid being collateral damage:

1. Wow. There certainly is a lot of meat in this cauldron! You and your coven must be putting together a nice burgoo. Hopefully one of them brings a few potatoes or onions or something to add to the flavor.

:ladles out a spoonful, tastes it: Mmm... Not bad.

Is this... is there somebody's -ring- in here?

2. Mr. Mario, you have suffered tremendous trauma to the bottoms of your feet. What have you been stepping on?

3. You also noted some discoloration to your genitals, Mr. Mario. What seems to be the trouble?


1. A little lemon oil will take that right out.

2. Delicious goo!

3. You see, I have a particular set of skills...

about how often

:my torso is also on fire:

:Notes that IHIYC just exploded a car directly over himself and only noted a fatality in the passenger:

:my limbless torso plummets to the ground, landing directly on IHIYC, forcing his liquefied organs out every orifice:

(although it certainly

EM should not rule this city, for while he may be what the city's goat population -wants-, he is not what the goat population -deserves-.

1 person marked this as a favorite.

1. Did you know that, in America, you have the God-given right to get me a sammich?

2. What's the title of your latest Russian folk-tale based scifi fan-fiction?

3. So, who is playing on your Hyperborean volleyball team?


1. Not as unpleasant as you'd think.

2. Oh, yes: MUCH worse.

3. Off, then, to the Barbary Coast!

1 to 50 of 420 << first < prev | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | next > last >>

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