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Gem Inspector

GoatToucher's page

1,122 posts. No reviews. No lists. No wishlists.


1 to 50 of 1,122 << first < prev | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | next > last >>

Granted. I am the mascot for the Cheliax Unwholesomes. You should see what I do to rile up the crowd. :shivers: Do what you love, they say.

I wish everyone could see my performances.

I'm God of Delight, now, my little friend. Your Zarongel has nothing on me.

Especially since I have this win.


1 person marked this as a favorite.

:as MBT slides around in his tattered loin cloth, I punt a well lubricated Poog toward the Troll's nether regions:

You're not going in -that- end, Mr. Poogbody...

Banned for starring in the Worst Batman movie.



227. Jackee' and Marla Gibbs.

And yet, here I am. I guess that makes me a god. I'll be taking those domains of yours, Z-K.

My first act as god of Delight: Lubrication for everyone! You'll be glad for it in the days to come.

Banned for having fat fingers.

:hides thirty gold coins "on" Goddity, then releases the Aurumvorax:

Goddity spent three years as a high priest's body servant.

Before you shudder, that's not what "body servant" means. Look it up, you perverts.

Granted. According to the new rules, Rogue is the only class.

I wish I had a little helper to assist me with everything I get up to during the day.

...Greased Lightning!

If you insist.

:disrobes, oils up, and dances about, furiously lashing his body with various objects. It is a feast for the senses, filled with the sights, sounds, and scents of arousal. You are left forever changes, and not entirely for the better:

Next poster, would you kindly draw me a bath?

Ham. Delicious honey-baked ham.

The next poster once at the Perfect Sandwich and will tell us about the experience.

which was actually quite nice

country to start serving special

IHIYC has cloven buttocks.

But then, most do.

:looks around:

:removes several... Parts from MBT:

:absconds to "workroom":

Banned for robbing Leonardo.

Banned for not having been stomped into green and red jelly yet.

...People knocking it before they've tried it.


Amasu cries herself to sleep at night.

Sorry, that was more of a prediction than a present fact.

:eyes Amasu's horns hungrily:

bad enough to cause customers

1 person marked this as a favorite.

That is a stupid character, but the show actually has a pretty interesting arc going on.

Leather hat.

Leather jacket.


Banned for denying your inner cowgirl.

Banished because, until I get evidence indicating otherwise, cowgirls -don't- sing the blues.

1 person marked this as a favorite.

:twirls shirt around head: Weeeooo-weeeooo-weeeeeee!

Not as much as you'd think.

Alick spent two hundred years in a stained glass window depicting the martyrdom of Saint Hubbins in a chapel in southern England.

WH jams out to Styx's masterpiece "The Grand Illusion".

:takes Amasu's fake corpse into his "workroom":

Practice makes perfect!

222. Oprah.

1. Why thank you! I -do- look pretty good naked!

2. You made love to my wife, so I had your arms and legs broken, one of your eyes put out, and a slow-dissolving capsule filled with flesh eating beetles inserted into a private area. You are ruined, I say! RUINED!

3. Look, if Derek isn't going to put his pants on, I'm not either!


1. Well, that's one way to do it. Remember to lift with the legs!

2. Argh! I think I pulled a hammie!

3. Now -that's- what I call "After Dinner Entertainment"!

Those well-oiled arms. The way he groans when Kano tears his heart from his chest. Delectable.

The next poster had a flawless victory against the AoZ-K, but couldn't pull off the Fatality.


What were we talking about again?

Oh yes:

Meanwhile at the Hall of Justice...

Amasu has an intimate encounter with Blue Devil.

There were no survivors.

Oh, I think I might be able to fathom.

And I certainly will halt production. I will divert them to Duke Nukem: Abomination.

Next poster, would you kindly scratch between my shoulder blades? I can't quite reach.

Granted. Indeed, it's always been possible. Just slow.

I wish I could get somebody to clean the "tools" in my "workroom" without throwing up all over the place in the first five minutes. I mean, don't ask "What is this for?" or "What's this goo?" unless you want an answer!

Banned for squinty hypocrisy.

Amasu looks mighty good in them jeans...

-Mighty- good..

MD... are you doing anything with that angel colon? (I'm asking for a friend.)

Behind AoZ-K's skin mask are the approachable good looks of Bradley Cooper.

Meanwhile, at the Hall of Justice...

KenderKin enjoys a moment of tenderness with Giganta.

Banned for pointing out that you can see CS's nuts.

Granted. You transform into Popeye, and are thereafter always sure that "I yam what I yam!"

I wish everyone would dance, dance and be FREE!

Meanwhile, Sweaty Pete's House of

Become undead. I would endure all manner of hell to save my children.

Die in five years.


Become a sentient undead immediately (like, right this second) and live forever.

Certainly. It's T.V.'s Mark Harmon, star and executive producer of the hit CBS show NCIS! Good to see you Mark!

:MH waves jovially and is promptly stuck unconscious with a sap and brought into GT's "workroom" to have all sorts of unwholesome adventures:

Whoo... :dabs himself with AoZK's moist towelette:

Next poster, would you kindly describe your idea of a fun evening? Spare no details.

214. The slow death of the Unions.

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