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Blindness/Deafness/Whackness - Makes subject blinded, deafened, or played out.
Borrow Four Tuna - 'Nuff said.
Chain of Curdition - Creates a floating chain of cheese.
Continual Flame War - Caster makes a controversial statement (Paladins shouldn't be limited to lawful good./Monks are the worst class./Rogues aren't that bad.) All creatures within earshot begin arguing for 1 rnd/lvl. Inability to speak a common language is not an obstacle.
Accept Afflecktion - Caster gains +10 competence bonus on the use of the Performance skill using his own original material. Suffers a -5 penalty when performing the material of others. Permanent until dispelled.
Argonize - Target doesn't react.
Aggravate Afflecktion - Target is affected as by spell Rage and is overwhelmed by thoughts of how much more successful and admired his close friends are.
Blessing of the Mole' - 1 ally/level gains darkvision, a rich, creamy texture, and chocolate overtones. Target is also a good accompaniment to enchiladas.
Smeagol's Splendor - Target makes a Fort save or looses all but 1d4 teeth.
Lifetime Channel - Caster expends one use of Channel energy ability. Targets in area must make a Will save. Paladins and mothers are Fascinated for 1d2 hours. All other targets are Nauseated for the same amount of time.
Status Update - Monitors condition, position, recent meals of allies.
The Darkness - All targets in a 10' radius must make a Will save or believe in a thing called Love.
Death Nell Carter - Kills dying creature, summoning an undead star of 1980's musicals and television.
Defending Jeff Smith's Seminal Graphic Novel Bone - +10 enhancement bonus to Performance: Oratory when extolling the virtues of graphic novels as a legitimate art form.
Disfiguring Douche - When asked "Do you even lift, Brah?" mystical energies cause all of a target's sleeve tattoos to burn away, causing 1d8 fire damage per arm, plus 1d4-1 Charisma damage.
Bear Grylls' Endurance - One touched creature can survive for one day/level drinking only his own urine.
Blinding Ray Romano - A beam of energy travels through time, space, and dimensions to sear the eyes of an aging comedian to great comedic effect.
Book Ward Bond - One tome is protected from theft and damage by a celestial gunslinger.
Cure Moderate Political Beliefs - Causes Neutral character to shift one place on the alignment continuum for 1d4 hours +1/3 lvls. Roll 1d10: 1-5 Chaotic, 6-10, Lawful
Admonishing Ray Romano - Your voice travels through time, space, and dimensions to inform an aging comedian how disappointing his career path has become to great comedic effect.
Kool-Aid - +1 on attack rolls and saves against fear, +4 enhancement bonus to damage when attempting to break down doors and walls.
Arrow of Law & Order - In the world of Golarion the people are represented by two separate, yet equally important groups. The inquisitors who investigate unholy incursions and the paladins who smite the offenders. These are their stories. - +1 bonus/3 lvls to Smite Evil/Destruction Judgement damage when attacking with a bow or crossbow.
Augary Busey - Questions are answered cryptically by a man addled by a head injury and chronic drug use.
Know the Enemy Mine - Caster receives +20 enhancement bonus to Knowledge (80's Science Fiction).
Mighty Fist of the North Star - Make an unarmed strike attack roll against a target, who must make a fortitude save or die from headsplosion.
Swallow Your Fear Factor - Allows caster to gain sustenance from insects, as well as animal genitals and anuses. Provides +5 bonus on the Hagfish Challenge.
(That's not me being gross. Look it up. That show was weird.)
Deathwatchmen - Reveals how near death subjects within 30 ft. were... thirty-five minutes ago.
Detect Marianne Faithful - Give the caster a ten round warning before a bard performs "The Memory Remains" giving him the opportunity to say yes, or at least say hello.
Divine's Flavor - Makes any food taste like a long dead morbidly obese drag queen.
Endure Elementary - Allows caster to tolerate lower quality adaptations of the works of Arthur Conan Doyle for 10 rounds/level.
Hawaiientropic Shield - Covers caster with a thin layer of oil that protects him from the effects of Sunlight.
The days of the middlemen are numbered, and have been for years. The FLCS and FLGS are going the way of the dodo, save those who have diversified into providing other services, like providing facilities to do your tabletop or card gaming. Let a comic retailer take all the Marvel or DC comics off the shelf. See how long they last. Talk about cutting off your nose to spite your face.
I have little doubt that comic companies would only expand their business if they introduced a digital distribution method, just as gaming companies who have done the same have. There will always bee people who prefer the tactile sensation of having book-in-hand, and those people can benefit from direct distribution of more limited runs. Just imagine the savings in avoiding printing tens of thousands of physical books, shipping them to distribution centers, and then shipping them to comic shops and book stores. That sweet, sweet digital money is all gravy.
The tide will turn, sooner or later, and those who are tardy getting on the digital bandwagon are only harming themselves in both the long run and the short term. It's a sure thing that part of Paizo's success is their early adoption of digital distribution. People still buy the physical books, but many who would not have bought them buy PDFs instead, and some who have bought them buy PDFs as well.