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Gem Inspector

GoatToucher's page

1,675 posts. No reviews. No lists. No wishlists.


1 to 50 of 1,675 << first < prev | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | next > last >>

I don't know how much influence you have over the other player, but a monk is a -terrible- choice for a two person party, and I like monks. They don't do enough damage, don't have a high enough AC, don't have enough hit points, and don't bring any party-useful skills to the table.

I only suggest this because you seem very accommodating about class choice, and your partner seems quite self indulgent.

It was wonderful. I experienced so much! Learned so much about myself. I have so many ideas now. So many things to do, and people to do them to.

The next poster will bring the first subject to my "workroom".

O! The things I would do to the Caped Crusader!

The next poster will get me a jar of GoatToucher Brand BAT-Ointment and record the proceedings, no matter how... intense... they become.

MD used Raid on barbarian hordes in Leeds.

Hold that Tiger!

Indeed, and it is wonderful. Let me show you...

:shows you:

Next poster: response?

Tempestuous one, you humble servant bring you a poor offering. Merely a chill soda. I will accept my flogging with contrition.

Man-animal! Bring me bread, or I will lay your bloodline low unto the fifth generation!

Your ebullience, I humbly bring you a dagger!

Unwitting thralls, bring unto me a warrior for my entertainment, lest the whippings begin anew.

IHIYC has not evacuated fluid waste in seventeen years.

Oh yes. We will have such wonderful fun together...

The next poster will help to stretch and lubricate Mr. Grant in preparation for our first scene.


For your pleasure, your eminence, the mighty Sioux!

Underlings, bring me a noble of the feminine persuasion.

Goat Toucher: Awesome or SO Awesome?

Granted. Flayva Flav randomly appears when you least expect him, brandishing a huge clock medallion and bellowing "YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS!!!" at the top of his voice. This proves problematic at job interviews, in public toilets, at funerals, and in the marital bed.

I wish I was -just- wealthy enough to be comfortable, but not so wealthy that I had to worry about my money all the time.

366: Powerful men with tiny dingles.

IHIYC's jaws are powerful enough to crush a zebra's femur.

KG does not have a single body hair.

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Granted. Evangelical Christians use it as an example of "What's gone wrong with America."

I wish it would rain down. Down on me.

:performs an erotic dance for the GM-EP.:

:GM-EP vomits its biomass up until it is completely gone:

The next poster will tell us his/her favorite toppings

For your pleasure, your toothiness: they are warm blooded.

Now, by thralls, bring me a denizen of the arctic! :clap clap:

IHIYC should not rule this city because he presumes too much.

Goofus allows it, then has it burnt down while the party goes on their next adventure.

Gallant, has polite, private discussions with his players about their alignment.

Too Many Knives

They were quite nice, really.

, from the east, came the brain worms.

1 person marked this as a favorite.

I fire my livestock gun at Pulg, which causes a four legged herbivore to strike him at over six hundred mph.


I burn GG to death by doing the Neutron Dance.

341: Timmy is trapped in the well.

delight and unwholesome arousal, since

1: Fun fact: Cinderella's clothes were possessed of a demonic sentience that compelled the prince to love her. The so-called "fairy godmother" was, in fact, summoning forth aid from the nether-realms in compliance with a blood pact with Cinderella's parents.
2: Though he tried to hide it, the priest had an inexorable feeling of foreboding about what lay ahead in the dark night to come.
3: How the devil do I defeat this Ovokinetic poltergeist?

1: Half a pound of tupenny rice, half a pound of treacle.
2: Now -that's- what I call a Great Old One!
3: The most glorious underpants the world has ever seen.

Yo momma's skin so rough, the Deep Ones be like "Damn: -that- chick be squamous!"

Yo momma so ugly, that professors studying images of her in dusty old manuscripts of "Chunky Butts" magazine have been driven to madness,

:puts gun to MD's temple:

This won't bring her back, but you won't be coming back either.


That's terrible.

Meanwhile, at the Hall of Justice...

IHIYC is showing Batman what a sinister clown can really do.

In thematically appropriate closet-based ways.

1: Man, this sedan by Ahura-Mazda is a lemon.
2: You guys? Tails is hiding under the table muttering "Please stop, 'ol buddy..." over and over again. It looks like he was beat up pretty bad.
3: Mmm! Smells good. What's this... the "Necronomicook Book"? Did you get this off Amazon?


1: Now you're messin' with a... SONUVVAB~~@&!
2: At first I thought the singing was going to drive me crazy, but I;ve learned to like it.
3: Theirs no such thing as "too much rump ointment".

El Guapo, in turn, was

Roasters gonna roast...

Feazle looked upon these shenanigans

IHIYC is actually a dream manifestation of a fifth grader's potato battery science project. The potato generated enough electricity to gain sentience, but lacks mechanisms to express itself or impact the world outside of its dreams.

GM_B is Facebook friends with Calendar Man and Crazy Quilt.

and held orgiastic rites involving

Olive garden lives
Deaths in the apple orchard
Produce is divine

of her blade as she held it

1 person marked this as a favorite.

The dagger.

The dagger is more useful at low levels, where you might creatures en mass, rather than large individual beasts that might be felled with one vorpal blow.

Further, with that dagger, I might play a caster, where my weapon use is largely immaterial, or a Magus, where such a weapon would be a godsend. A caster would likely not be able to wield the longsword in any case.

Were I a martial class, being limited by the low damage of a dagger or the infrequent hits of the longsword would be crippling. I would be beaten to death by the first for to come along with a greatsword.

Would you rather game in person once a month or game online (via chat, skype, d20pro, etc...) once a week?

I win.

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Clearance. I am patient when it comes to gaming products.

Would you rather have a great gaming crew that meets infrequently or a lackluster crew that meets like clockwork?

1 person marked this as a favorite.

O Mighty One, those beings are beyond mortal kenning and restraint, so I brought before you their child in our world: Madness! May it give you the insights you need.

Next poster, by my troth, I demand that you bring me a surreal or abstract painter.

Your enormity, behold!!!!

Next poster, in the name of my father and my father's fathers, I would have you bring unto me a circus animal!

...the damnably long memory of Pepperidge Farms!

there was a figure clad in lace

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