'Glistening' Buff Scrotes's page

Here, here, here I am,
Feedin' the cats on Spam!
Feedin' the cats on Spam,
In Montgomery, Alabam.
The cats have run out of their regular nosh?
Great googly moogly, jeepers and gosh!
But frankly, my dear, I don't give a d*mn,
'Cause I'm feedin' the cats on won-der-ful Spam,
Feedin' the cats on Spam!

Vo-do-de-oh-do, zabba zabba doowah!

Take a flightless bird, or a chocolate-covered biscuit, whichever is closer to hand,

It's December on Mt. Crumpet,
And Schism is manscaping the Grinch!
Oh, feel those tweezers pinch!
Pull 'em out a quarter of an inch!

It's December on Mt. Crumpet,
Wrapped up in white & scarlet robes,
We will groan at this debacle,
While Schism sprinkles sparkles,
All over Mr Grinch's shiny globes!

Hey, little When,
When, when, when,
Will you lay me an egg for my tea?

Day/Month/Year!
Day/Month/Year!
"That is the format!", we all cheer,
Boo hiss boo to Year/Month/Day,
But Day/Month/Year? Hip hip hooray!

It's the 10th of July, 1922, and a wonderful thing appears,
A format for dates that is great! Great! Great!
And that format is Day/Month/Year!

Oh voh doh de oh doh. Boop!

Rugs up the stairs

But first, a song.

Palpating Palpatine,
That's what you do to turn the neighbours green,
It's not at all proper,
It isn't quite nice,
Says the New York Soc. For The Suppression Of Vice!
You could lick the haemorrhoids on a protocol droid,
Or wee-wee on Jabba the Hutt,
But when you're Palpating Palpatine,
You'll howl like a panther in rut!

Freehold chilling in an Ice Boudoir,
Jacquie Frost tugging at his... nose,
Geeky Moms doing k-pop routines
Wearing nowt but a sprinkling of snow;

And so I'm offering this hot McRib,
And a Y-Wing made of solid gold,
Although it's been said many times, many ways,
Happy birthday,
Freehold.

Consider this my retirement.

It's been fun, later b$%%!es!!

Teeptoe, through the turneeps

June and Wally, June and Wally,
Go together like... Like...
The eventually successful resistance to Napoleon's 1812 invasion of Russia under General Barclay de Tolly!

When I was seventeeeeen,
It was a very good pope...

Celestial Healer wrote:

Woran wrote:

Freehold DM wrote:

CrystalSeas wrote:

Did you ever create your own stonemason's mark?

its going to be boobs.

Not a bear on a bobcat?

Maybe a bear on a bobcat with boobs.

Are the boobs on the bear, the bobcat, or both?

Roop doop de doop de doop, a-voh de oh doh

Weel you lay me an egg forr my tea?

I think you'll find he is both.

Also, there is no escape for anyone!

Anyone who isn't currently paddlin' Madeleine home, that is.

Tiptoe through the tulips.

I aaaam, the pantless shoveller,
The gaaallant pantsless shoveller!
I ruuule the Mid-West and I greease,
My thighs up to prevent chilblains!!!

He still has that stick lodged into him, so you could.

You can't mop, a-bop, a-bop-bop-bop,

Ooooo, loggin' in the Boarwood, where you fiddle with your stick,
Where the gnomes have bulging... noses, and the trolls are dummy thicc,
There's a satyr with a dryad, and he's showing her his pipes,
And Cardi B is twerkin' at a treeeaant.

Out of the night, when the full moon is briyiyight,
Rides the Kobold known as Cleaver.
This bold renegade
Signs a 'C' with their blade,
A 'C' that stands for 'Cleaver'
Cleaver, the Kob' so cunning and freeheehee,
Cleaver, who makes the sign of the C-hee-hee.

...And demonic perytons
Jellies and oozes and hangman trees' nooses,
Vargouilles that flap 'round on tiny bat wings,
These are a few of your favourite things?

Oh, Monkey Santa!
Such scintillating banter!
Such multitudes of manic monkeyshines!
You're gonna wind up Quibble,
'Till he can do naught but dribble,
But you, of course, will always end up fine!

Remember to keep handy,
Red Bull, and 'nana brandy,
Make sure that you look after Number One!
The bosses and the cops,
Will never, never stop,
This Maelstrom of Monkey Santa Fun!

Since we're now back in the Roaring Twenties, my New Year's resolution is to learn how to make bathtub gin.

Some of us swells never left-adoop dooooo

Endless entertainment.

Me: So, impressions of Wolfsheim?
Student A: He's super sus.
Student B: Stop saying sus.
Student A: No, he's sus.
Student B: It's an old-timey book! We should talk old-timey!
a few moments later
Student C: WHY IS HE WEARING TEETH.
Student A: Sus! He's totally mafia!
Student B: STOP SAYING SUS.

He's a bally rum cove, is what he is.

Digital boob controversy time!
No Zepplinesque t#++ on Optimus Prime?
I demand H-cups! Who is to blame,
For decleavaging my video game?!

Digital boob controversy hour!
Sweaty-palmed gamers grumble and glower,
Drawing bottoms and breasts on their Rubik's cubes,
Since there are no more digital boooobs!

Vanykrye wrote:

One of my technicians just got a phone call from a former work-from-home employee. She's received the shipping labels for all of the equipment she needs to send back, but she needs advice because she's pretty sure the equipment doesn't fit in the same boxes it came in.

....

It won't fit in the box it came in.

...

Perhaps this is why you are now a former employee.

She probably also has a sofa stuck in her staircase* from when she first moved in to her home/apt.

* Edit: "Sofa stuck in her staircase" wasn't intended as innuendo, but eh, whatever works for you.

She's a sofa stuck in her staircase,

She's a sofa stuck in her staircase,
A hefty weight to propel,
But with a squirt of Febreze,
And our elbows and knees,
We'll soon have out her futon as well!

DungeonmasterCal wrote:

I can't wait to read that.

So far: "Once you've checked to make sure your paper's all fleek and bae, yeet on over to Classroom and turn it in."

'Hey there, jitterbugs! Ya got a scrib' that's a ringin', dingin, pipteroo? Then sweep ya peepers over it, and once you're done, shimmy on down to the prof trough, then it's soda fountain time!!!'

It doesn't have to be contemporary slang, right?'

I don't get it.

I'm gonna go to Tijuana for a, fish taco

Welcome to the cave
(Baby, Freehold's inside)
We're having a rave!
(Baby, Freehold's inside)
There are robots and snow
(Baby, Freehold's inside)
And Bonchon to go
(Baby, Freehold's inside)
A band of milkmaids
(Baby, Freehold's inside.. ahem)
Have proudly displayed
(Baby, Freehold's inside)
Cleavage that amazes
(Baby, Freehold's inside)
'Cause it his birthdayzes!

Oh, take my hand, my dark-eyed jewel,
My lovely Latin maid,
Weeth your leeps as rrred as the rrroses fair,
That bloom on the Promenade.
Your hair ees long and your stomach's strong,
You've lost all moral sense,
So come with me (when the Workroom's frree)
For the 'waffles' are immense,
ON GOATTOUCHER ISLAND, THEE ISLAND OF LOOOVE

Ohhh, Big (Slow) Pete, Big (Slow) Pete,
My heart skips a beat for Big (Slow) Pete,
I wanna take a tub of hummus and anoint his feet,
Give him all the gleanings from my field of wheat,
Big (Slow) Pete, Big (Slow) Pete,
I prefer him to Wee (Quick) Ron;
I would run 1,000 metres for Enormous (Tardy) Peter,
So all the other guys can begone!

The old bear still looks the same,
As I step down from the train,
And there to meet meeee, are my momma, and a bear,
Down the road I walk, and there stands Beary,
Fond of honey, fat and hairy,
Again I touch
The green, green bear of hooooome.

I've done Terri, terrible things to my spell check system. I

Please wait at the gates of heaven for me,

Terri.

Limeylongears wrote:

Just a Mort wrote:

Now ok, confessions time. I've never started flirting with anyone in RL. I literally didn't feel the urge to approach guys. I mean Orlando Bloom, ok sure a little happy mooning, but nothing comes out of it.

'Mooning' is a colloquial term for showing your backside to someone. I assume that isn't what you meant...

It's also a synonym of "swooning" in some cultures, which I presume is the meaning she did mean.

He's a handsome individual,

He makes me blush, it's such a rush,
My heart goes bang, crash, boom,
When I'm showin' my ass besides Legolas,
I'm moonin' with Orlando Bloom!

After I left Harold And His Winkles in 1924, Legendary Brown Chives was was in my seminal Twenty Two Dollar Quartet, along with 'Squelchy' Mugg-Pudding and Hercules DuBois.

gran rey de los mono wrote:

I'm betting Freehold wouldn't need 5 minutes to answer this question. In fact, I'm sure he already has an answer.

earth pony.

Earth pony, plea-hease be-he mi-hine,

Vidmaster7 wrote:

Who hides those in the woods anyways?

'Glistening' Buff Scrotes, I'm sure of it.

Een the green and verdant forest,

The fox and badger make their nests,
And oh! how soft and comfy,
Is a lair lined with pages of,
'Rubber Maven's Monthleee'

He's the Phantom Wanker of Madison!
His wrist must be in pain!
He's the Phantom Wanker of Madison!
When will he strike again?
Why can't he simply use a tissue?
Then it wouldn't become an HR issue!
He's the Phantom Wanker of Madison,
Just follow the trail of staaains!

...Like your cooooconuts

But I, get a creepypervert out of yooooo

I'm gonna cack maself into a stupor,
I don't require lick'rice or prunes,
I'm Sixtus, the Celebrated Pooper,
Famous from Jaipur to Jupiter's moons!

Oo-wah-doobie-wah-vo-de-oh-doh

George Formian?

Faaaarael, yooo are growing older, seelver thrreads amongst the gooold...

Limeylongears wrote:

Drejk wrote:

Freehold DM wrote:

Coffee and Freehold don't get along.

More for everyone else.

I'll stick with my tea, thank you.

So say we all two!

Freehold and Drejk know what o'clock it is.

Any o'clock is good time for tea!

Ev'rything stops for tea!

And, what's more, the word 'engulf' has been used by TWO sock-puppets of THE SAME ELF in TWO SEPARATE POSTS within 48 HOURS.

And if that ain't a meaningful coinkydinkydoowakkadoo, then, by jiminy, I don't know what am.

heaven. I'm in heaven.

And my heart beats so that I can barely speeaaaaaak....

I seeng of the glorious JTD, he lives in America somewhere.
When he arrives, we attack him with knives and then beat him with prickly pears

I like coffee, I like tea,
I like the Thompson gun and it likes me!
Coffee and tea and .45 ACP,
A shot, a shot, a shot, in Vladek, boyyyyyyy

Kiani!
Azure Kiani!
What are these strange enchantments I hear whenever you're near? (Ah ah ah aaaah ah ah)
Kiani!
Azure Kiani!
Oh goodness me, I've hammered an ice pick in through your ear.

I would like to announce to the World that my latest 'number', 'I've Lost My Little Twizzler', is presently being recorded by myself, accompanied by 'Squelchy' Brown-Pudding and his Lukewarm Rhythm Boys, and will be released in mid July on Pubeyphone Discs.