Gajolob Gorum's page

I am deeply appreciative that I got to play him before he was retconned into impossibility.

You just saying that because am holding sister hostage. Her call it dating but you know same difference.

If it applies to daggers, it applies to starknives, nodachi, fauchards, etc.

Okay.

Most famous Gorum song called "you lose". Me share lyrics...
First verse: "you lose!".
Then come chorus: "you lose!"
Second verse change things up. Must sing "you lose!" louder.
Then come chorus again.
Final verse bring whole work home. It simple. Pithy. It say "next!"

There also good Gorum joke. Much funny. Me share with class...
Gorumite, Kuthite and member Whispering Way walk into bar.
Later, Gorumite walk out. Others not so much.

Finally, pop culture reference. If want understand Gorum-worship culture, find Monty Python argument sketch. Then replace boring actors with steroid-abusing men who suffer road rage, enact skit on highway during traffic-jam. Also, give actors hammers, spears, brass knuckles, frozen chickens. Hardened poultry warfare sign of best-trained warriors.

Q: So, what's it like being a horse?

A: Pretty good once you get used to <being intimate with> horses.

That line resonate inside soul. You poet?

Gajolob Gorum Tell me more of these powerful Table-magics? Are they something a Half-Orc Paladin could aspire to?

Gorum yell divine inspiration in ear if only willing listen. Him send tiny swarm bugs to provide motiviation. Sword not work. Flail not work. Orc shot-put not work. Stomp on bug not work. Wizard casts burning hands then laugh at mighty warrior like him somehow superior because bugs burning. That how get idea. Need smush bugs, wipe smirk of wizard face, so invent flat weapon.

Can use tables, benches, sleds. Even work if rip door off hinge. << Remember if trapped in worked dungeon when swarms attack.

Half-orc good, paladin okay, but smite evil probably not work. Here secret technique:

Pick up heavy, flat object. May require teamwork for appropriate weight.
Drop heavy, flat object. Should do on top swarm, not own foot.

Is improvised area-effect weapon. Take standard -4 penalty attack, but do damage like club to swarm. Also, swarm take extra damage because spread out squishing.

...something cool and thematic that isn't immediately covered in the rules. Things like "I attempt to flatten the charging group of enemies by flipping the bar table on top of them"...

Glorious Leader Gajolob Gorum and Jair mighty warriors invent "swarmbane tables" by flip over, squish many bugs. Is martial area-effect weapon. Much powerful. Who need fireball?

Heck, even though my party DOES know each others names, we still don't actually use them. Nicknames all the way.

Gajolob Gorum posting from beyond grave. Him not pay attention people give names, so make up own. Party start using nicknames too. Much funny. Then Gajolob Gorum start know party. Them real people. Them heroes. Gajolob Gorum start paying attention, learn names. Start using them. Sign of respect.

Then heartless GM make TPK.

Gorum's a fighter, not a lover.

If fight while make love, same thing. Some like rough.