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So Spittmouff wwas a goblin barbarian, whose goal in life was to become the leader of his own horde and rescue the enslaved goblins of a Chitterwood from their hobgoblin slavers. He had huge muttonchops infested with spiders that he'd pull out from time to time and munch of him. His other goal was to get bitten by a werewolf and become a goblin-werewolf much to chagrin of the party. He one time slugged it out with a hobgoblin commander and killed him with his barehands, only to get his leg caught in a beartrap, and with limited time the group carried him away with the beartrap still attached to his leg.
Seriously, if this was made into a book, who wouldn't want it? I think if we got stats for a whole bunch of kaiju and how to make your own it would be awesome. Maybe have, like it was mentioned, a few Mythic Level kaiju related spells or have maybe a few classes designed to have some relation with these creatures?
This is a fan mash-up of the Ultraman kaiju series and Pathfinder. Didn't know where to post it, but here you go.
This is a non-profit fan-based parody. Ultraman and other various Ultra monsters are property of Tsuburaya Productions. Background, other monsters, and story elements are owned/inspired by Paizo Publishing. Support the official releases.
Scene cuts to what seems to be a grey cobblestone road being traversed by five figures.
"I don't know why I get myself into these things. My name is Silver Fang. I am a Silvergon and a paladin…well templar to be precise. I am here with these four on a quest, so I might as well introduce myself and them."
Scene shifts to a pure white screen and Silver Fang in his gleaming silver half-plate armor stands in front of it. Within mere seconds six stats pop up behind him and they are "STR", "DEX", "CON", "INT", "WIS" and "CHR" in large black letters. Silver Fang is surprised by the transition and yelps, "What is that about?!" All of the sudden numbers pop up besides the stats! Besides STR is 21, besides DEX is 12, besides CON is 17, INT has 15 besides it, an 11 besides WIS, and a 16 besides CHR. "I am pretty strong I guess," muses Silver Fang by looking at his STR stat, while a voice off camera blurts loudly, "Your roll for WIS sucked, I do believe something fierce." Silver Fang looks off camera, "Shut up Ansmaro!" Don't make me come over there." Then behind Silver Fang a red heading that forms "LVL 3" pops up. "Yeah, I'm kind of experienced. Did some of my own training," smugly proclaims our hero as he notices more text appearing behind him. The text appears as thick, bold font that says "FEATS" and has underheadings that say "Power Attack" and "Toughness". "Yeah more damage from me and extra HP for me," barks Silver Fang in an approving tone. More text pops up and Silver Fang just bats an eye at it, "Come on, get on with the story, I know I have half-plate armor, a light steel shield, a halberd, a scimitar, and a mace as weapons and equipment, with a bull's eye lantern/flashlight, and other survival gear-plus my skills are attuned to the glorious law( Knowledge(Law)), history (Knowledge (History)), survival, and religion (Knowledge (Religion)). I am a templar you guys know right?" he asks an audience that may or may not exist. "Let's get back to the story!" Before the scene shifts a big stamped mark appears on Silver Fang as if a giant stamper made it with the letters "NG". "Neutral Good? So I do what the law strictly says? What's wrong with that?" questioned Silver Fang.
Scene shifts back to the road where the five characters are meandering down the road. Silver Fang is looking at a map and in the lead, followed by a yellow, mechanical creature with electrode things sticking out its head glad in a white, puffy shirt with a red cloth jacket and a blue creature with two thin, flat horns and many fin like protrusions that together look like wings with an eye-patch and a hat with a skull and cross bones on it. Following behind is a purple robed, yellow and black-eyeless creature and a greenish-yellow creature with a small head and bulky body with huge arms in a loincloth and a vest of what looks to be a scaly, dark leather straggling behind. "So anyways the temple…the temple of Apsu (then Silver Fang pops out a booklet that has a picture of a silver dragon creature that has the type "APSU" on the page with "law, metal, justice" under the creature's picture and puts it back)-my god-kind of wants me to prove myself so it rented me out. Turns out a local town was attacked by goblinoids-you know, little greenish creatures that are anarchists (he says with a shudder in his voice) and are pretty much rude, unlawful, throw wild parties, and raid areas-attacked a neighboring town and stole something from a house and I was sent to cull the threat and recapture said item, which, I remarkably, just know it looks like a silver and brass paperweight that resembles a pine cone." He looks back at the following characters, "But I couldn't do it alone; so they hooked me up with these guys. " He sighs deeply and rolls his eyes.
The scene switches back to a white screen and the small-headed large-bodied creature appears before it. "Waaagh!" cries the creature in a thunderous bellow, "I am Bonesmasher! I am Redking!" Off camera Silver Fang remarks, "Didn't know you spoke Ork." "Shparr!" cries the angry Red King and grabs his large, red-skin covered club that is mounted on his back and crashes it into the front screen and leaves a massive crack. "Pigmon club does job right," the creature smiled crudely and flexes the muscles of his other arm. "Aren't you supposed to be red, I do say?" quips the earlier voice. "Shparr! Well…maybe…um...not matter now! Stats now!" bellows Bonesmasher while behind him the six stats pop up behind him and he looks at them confused. "What do funny things say? They steal ideas from Bonesmasher's mind!" he screams in confusion at the various markings. They are 22 for STR, for DEX it is 15, besides Con is 18, INT has 9 beside it, WIS a 9, and CHR is 12. "Wow! Someone is illiterate!" remarked the voice again. "Eh? Me not liber..ate! I ate already slab o' meat!" cried Bonesmasher again. Cracks in the screen obscure the red "LVL 3" that appears on it near Bonesmasher. Then bold, thick font appears behind, Bonesmasher that he slides around and looks at. Indeed they are FEATS and have underheadings that say "Power Attack" and "Improved Throw". Still Bonesmasher looks confused as more type appears that leads people to know about his other equipment besides his Pigmon Bone Club, Magular bonemail vest, leather boots, meat rations x5, bone dagger, and a list of carving tools. "Bonesmasher has powers like Lesser Elemental Rage, Summon Boulder, and Gravel Shot! Sil' Fang has got nothing!" chortles Bonesmasher in glee. "Hey! I have "Lay On Hands", "Sense evil" and "Smite evil!" cries Silver Fang in retort from off-screen. The other text indicates that Bonesmasher's skills are Intimidate, Climb, Athletics, Knowledge (Nature), and Craft(Bone and Hide), before the stamp makes its fall and brands Bonesmasher "CN". "Chaotic Neutral?! That explains a lot!" exclaims Silver Fang once again off-camera and the last bit of words being followed by a spitting sound.
The screen changes again to the Rayja with his pirate hat, eye-patch, and cloth armor. "Well Bonesmasher, you lack class and flair, which, I certainly have," smiles the apparently aquatic kaiju with his toothy grin. "I'm Ansmaro, pirate extraordinaire! Originally from a Cheliaxian slave ship and made myself a dashing pirate after a daring escape," says the blue, finned kaiju while taking his hat off and bowing to the possible audience. The six stats pop up and he reads them aloud: Strength 13…oh not really that strong, but Dexterity I make up for in with 18. Hmm…very good show, but with Constitution, I'm only at 11. My Intelligence and Wisdom are tied at 16, and Charisma I'm at 19," muses the creature and smiles another even toothier grin. When the red heading with "LVL 3" above him appears he merely smiles and gets ready to point out his feats. They appear and he reads them aloud, "Yes, indeed I have the feats called "Combat Reflexes". En Guarde! Hahaha! And lastly, I have "Quick Draw"." Before the rest of the text on the white screen appears he starts speaking about his gear, "I own a rapier, plate-reinforced cloth armor, a pistol with five reloads of normal ammo, alchemical charges that are primed, and some other ammo charges." Then the rest of the text appears "Thief's Tool Kit, Bottle of Rum, Bottle of Rum, half drank bottle of Grog". "Ahem*! Best not to think of that too much," smiled Ansmaro sheepishly. He notes his powers, "I have Sneak Attack, Daring (I get bonuses to Acrobatics), Canny Observer, and Evasion." A list of skills appears and again the pirate kaiju names them off with pride. "Acrobatics, Appraise, Bluff, Knowledge (Dungeoneering), Diplomacy, Sense Motives, and Swim." The stamper falls again on the screen labeling the letters "CG". "Chaotic Good?" he asked, "Yes that fits me perfectly."
Scene returns to the forest, and Silver Fang sits down, "Let's just sit down and relax for a bit." He then looks over to Ansmaro and says in a grumbling tone, "That includes you too showboat." The various group members sit around and get out their gear. Silver Fang pours over some maps and information about regional laws while eating a piece of dried meat from his rations. Bonesmasher takes out his aggression by punching a random tree. Ansmaro takes out a half bottle of grog, a table cloth with some rationed bread and cheese and begins to eat. The other two members of the group sit by each other and begin to spark wildly. The scene changes again.
The yellow robotic kaiju with electrodes on its head falls in front of the screen with the red heading "LVL 3" and its stats already listed. The creature starts beeping and making random electronic noises, before stopping and making a voice that sounds rather mechanical. "I am King Joe, the Crypt Breaker Alchemist," after speaking he points to his stats. 16 beside STR, 10 for DEX, CON is 18, INT and WIS are both 20, and CHR is 11. He waves his arms and electric sparks appear from his head electrodes. "I make bombs, various alchemical substances, and devices to go into ruins and raid them of items," he speaks in a very auto-tuned voice as he waves his arms about. His Feats appear as "Prodigy" and "Master Alchemist", while he twitters away waving both arms while off screen Silver Fang yaps, "Just tell them your powers, you giant Easy Bake Oven!" King Joe looks away and in its chest its two, glowing multi-colored panels open up and various chemicals and potions are seen inside before it goes on, "Alchemy, Brew Potion, Make Crypt Breaker's Draught, Throw Anything, Infusion, Poison Use, Swift Alchemy, Trap Sense, and Alkahest Bombs." Then he closes his chest compartments, takes one of the bottles he took out, examines it closely, and then shakes it a little before putting it back. His top panel that looks similar to a face glows for a few seconds and a kitchen timer goes off and King Joe returns to normal. Then King Joe points out its gear, "Alchemist Kit, 3x Cure Light Wound Potions, a Flask of Oil, five doses of Blood Block, two small bottles of Alchemical Grease, two bottle of Alchemical Solvent, five small bags of flash powder, a small bottle of Liquid Ice, a dagger, 2x Alkahest Bombs, 2x grenades, a pair of normal clothes, and a crowbar," he bleeps and makes electronic noises behind his already metallic voice. The skills appear behind him indicate his skills of Craft (Potions), Craft (Bombs), Knowledge (Arcana), and Knowledge (History), Appraise, and Use Magical Device. Then he list off his alignment before the stamper falls, "Neutral Good." Then the stamper falls and lists a large "NG" on the screen before King Joe.
Finally for the screenwriter and director's collective sanity-the final intro screen appears. A yellow creature with black stripes in a purple, flowing robe falls in front of the screen with a loud thud and scrambles to his feet after righting himself with his long, tapering tail. The creature bows toward the audience and begins in an uneasy tone, "I am Vrondi Piscine, sorcerer and student of the magic arts. I specialize in the Conjuration, Divination, and Evocation schools of magic, however I have thought about later on diversifying into some Transmutation spells." He turns his head to the "LVL 3" painted on the wall and notes, "I can only make out the outline of something posted over another thing, so maybe it suggests I am level 3. Yes, I am blind; however my electrostatic senses serve as a sort of radar that makes electro static images that I can feel. It's an Eleking thing, hard for you guys to understand." Without him noticing, Braille with round brackets under them that indicate his stats appear. The list is as follows: STR 11, DEX 16, CON is 14, INT is 18, WIS is 17, and CHR is 15. "Oh! There it is!" he flinches in surprise and begins again, "my feats are…" The Feats appears on the screen behind him as he continues with a minor stumbling of his wording, "They umm…are...umm.. "Spell Penetration" and "Quicken Spell". That means I can cast spells quicker than most spellcasters and I can try to get through magical defenses or anti-magical defense with my spells." Bonesmasher sneaks onto the screen and looks at the Braille and snorts, "Funny dots no make sense!" "Oh Bonesmasher how did you ever get over here?" questions Vrondi quizzically. "Bad writing or plot device me guesses," responds the Red King. In the background, both of Vrondi's powers appear in the foreground while the two occupy the background. Elemental Ray and Elemental Resistance are the powers, and Vrondi somehow realizes what's going on. "Oh yes! All sorcerers have bloodlines that have some magic in them. Mine has a water elemental in it, well mostly 'cause my kind are aquatic, so I have waters powers paired with my natural racial electrical powers," prattled on the electric blind salamander. "My equipment...it…includes, "Vrondi pauses and goes through a satchel on his side, "a robe, a quarter staff, two scrolls, a magic book (my first tome hehehe…), three bottles of cure light wounds, one bottle of cure moderate wounds, flint and steel, three sunrods, three days worth of rations, a waterskin, three sticks of charcoal, and one water distillation kit," he boasts as Bonesmasher eyes his rations before getting struck by Vrondi's electrified tail and screeching aloud, "Shppppaaaaaarr!" Following the profuse twitching, Bonesmasher rolls over Vrondi explains his skills, " I have Diplomacy, Appraise, Knowledge (Arcana), Spellcraft, and Use Magical Device." He swishes his tail two and fro, as the stamper falls down and delivers the "NG" stamp. "Neutral Good?" he muses, "How fitting eh?" All of the sudden Silver Fang pushes the white screen from the right of the screen and spits angrily, "Get on with the story!" He continues to push the screen until the scene of the forest is restored.
So the scene of the group at the campsite returns and Silver Fangs looks at them, "How did I end up with you guys anyway? Usually the temple sends out other templars or trained clerics." Ansmaro takes a bite of a chunk of cheese and flatly responds, "Pathfinder Society." Silver Fang's brow raises, "That group of cartographers and adventurers? They ARE kinda like rent-a-pawn." Silver Fang says before taking another healthy bite of some salted meat. "Yes, we all are Pathfinder Society initiates, like myself, I am kind of on a work release from the local gulag," Ansmaro responds and takes a swift swig of grog. "I umm...joined so I could see adventure, train, and learn new spells," titters Vrondi. King Joe starts to beep uncontrollably as his mechanized voice starts up, "Me and Bonesmasher have been doing various dungeon crawls, so when I return to Numeria, I can take my father's seat at the head of the Technic League." "So you had Bonehead travel with you for his muscle before securing your role in leadership of your own country?" questions Silver Fang. "Yes," responds King Joe blankly as everyone looks to Bonesmasher still out cold by Vrondi's shock. "Fantastic!" responds Silver Fang, believing that King Joe doesn't understand sarcasm.
"So the deal is, this town, called Sandpoint got raided by little buggering goblinoids that were interested in some ancient chochkie," Silver Fang continued while taking a hearty swig of water from his canteen. "Interesting, did they get it? The question begs, what is it exactly?" questions Vrondi intently. Silver Fang shrugs, "The second part I don't know. Just some ancient Ultra artifact." He snorts and follows it with, "The first part, what is reported, says yes." "So do we know where the goblinoids retreated to after the raid?" follows up Vrondi. 'Yeah, they headed east and are hunkered down possibly close to a large inn and pub called, "The Boar's Hunt",' Silver Fang adds and pulls out a map of the country of Varisia that they are in. Silver Fang points to an area east of the coastline that has been circled with a deep, red ink. "So they are stopping by because of good food and drink?" teases Ansmaro as he takes another large gulp from his half bottle of grog. "No, you charlatan! They are hiding in a nearby swampy area that is pretty cumbersome to enter because of various stone outcroppings!" growls Silver Fang as he gives Ansmaro an icy glare, however it quickly turns into a toothy smile. "Maybe after this, we could have a pretty darn good meal, because these rations are sub-par at best," continues the Silvergon. "Yeah! Good GRUBBINS!" howls the newly conscious Bonesmasher. Everyone leaps in surprise, and when they settle down Vrondi asks, "So who is in charge of this place anyway?" Silver Fang snorts and looks as if he arrogantly knows the answer till it dawns on him that he doesn't remember. "I think…" he starts off and then trails off when everyone looks at him intently. "It is owned by Bob," he says trying to be a paragon of smooth talk. "Oh Bob, so tell us about this Bob," Ansmaro inquests. "He owns the Inn…" Silver Fang trails off. "I call that that one's just full of crap, man!" Ansmaro exclaims. Silver Fang admits to his failure, "Fine! I forgot! What do you want me to do about it?" Then with a stroke of inspiration Silver Fang checks one of his carrying pouches and finds a piece of paper. He reads it aloud, "Well Onpa, the Shugaron owns it. I knew I wrote it down somewhere and also I was looking for that receipt too!" "Is that a female or male name?" questions King Joe before continuing, "It doesn't matter really though, because I can't tell the difference anyway." Ansmaro takes a quick, surprised glare at King Joe, "Boy! Am I going to have to explain a lot to you on this trip or what?" "Please don't, Ansmaro, you can't warp everyone's mind, especially our easy-bake-oven friend here. And is it male or female? No clue!" responds Silver Fang before getting up. "Best get going before night falls," he says while looking ahead at the cobblestone road ahead of them. With that they are off and scene fades to black.
A white screen with big green, bold letters that read, "MONSTER FACTS" shows up on the screen before a small, green humanoid falls down in the front and center. Above it appears the heading "GOBLINOID" in big, red letters. The creature looks around and a narrator that sounds like Vrondi Piscine begins. "This is the standard Goblinoid," his voice begins as the pointy-eared green creature with oval-shaped red eyes looks around. "These creatures usually are not bright and usually have an intelligence that is between either 8 or 11," the narrator says and a dunce cap falls onto the goblinoid from above its form. The gobinoid picks it up and begins to chew on it furiously. "Goblinoids are naturally scavengers and think with their stomachs. They have a strong digestive system that can handle almost anything they stick in their gullets," the narrator continues as the goblinoid swallows what's left of the dunce cap. "Goblinoids are renowned for their balloon shaped heads and maws of razor sharp, little teeth. They are the perfect scavenger for food, but however they do scavenge other things for themselves or their tribe mates," does carry on the narrator as the goblinoid runs off with the camera panning behind it to catch it as it leaps into fresh garbage and starts devouring it haphazardly. The creature pops out of the pile of garbage and looks around and cocks its head, and then it takes off running from a pack of dogs. The narrator continues, "Goblinoids are infamous for two other things: They're excellent sense of hearing and their fear of dogs and other canine-like creatures." The narrator continues as the goblinoid runs to a group of its other ilk. "Goblinoids live in tribes that usually reach twenty to sixty creatures, led by a chief."A goblinoid with ungodly amounts of fake bling shows up on the back of an enlarged toad. The narrator continues, "The second command is usually a powerful shaman or witch and then the strongest warrior in the group which usually isn't that strong considering the average goblinoid's strength ranks at most a 14 max. Also, goblinoids use numbers as a way of attack, due to their size and strength disadvantages. Stealth attacks and use of exploding devices are a favorite tactics of said creatures." The goblinoid starts playing with a stereotypical black bomb with a lit fuse burning away and throws it up and the air and it explodes as it falls back down upon the hapless creature. The blacked creature's red eyes blink in surprise as it begins to bawl uncontrollably. "Many have been victims to surprise raids of goblinoids when they employ large numbers and these unstable devices. However, many soldiers and adventurers train against these creatures as amateurs," says the narrator before fading to black.
A montage begins set to the tune of "Eye of the Tiger" by 80's rock band Survivor. First frame shows the group going down the cobblestone road; then flipping to the next scene of the group wading in what appears to be a cypress swamp as Bonesmasher is eating what appears to be a frog he caught; next frame appears to a cold night with the group huddled around a camp fire with blankets over them roasting marshmallows; the next scene is in a scientific lab with the eye-less Eleking with glasses apparently and in the background King Joe spitting out print outs; and the next scene is of Ansmaro in a speedboat chasing what appear to be ninjas on jet skis. Then the scene turns to right outside "The Boar's Hunt." "We should travel via montage more often," smugly remarks Ansmaro. "What in Apsu's holy name were those last two frames and where'd the heck did they come from?!, " cries Silver Fang in shock and conflagration. He stops and looks down with a sigh, "Well, at least we are here and we can go in, rest, eat, and get some shut-eye before going out and hunting some goblinoids tomorrow." "The Boar's Hunt" stands in front of them, a massive three-story building with a twelve foot tall wooden wall around it. Its two giant, gilded doors inscribed with the head of a golden boar open and there lay its yard that seems to be one hundred and fifty-feet wide and seventy-five ft. long.
"Hey! Been a while!" calls a Gomora in bronze scalemail with a greatsword holstered onto his back. "Ridden?! It is YOU!" cries Silver Fang and runs up to one of three figures that stand in front of them-the Gomora; a Pandon with a long bow, an eye patch over one of its four eyes, and with its two heads both looking rather indifferent; and finally a Shaplay in a purple robe and its metallic, huge looking gridded eyes staring blankly at the group with its crescent-headed staff at its side. "What are you doing here, you old bruiser?" questions Silver Fang with much enthusiasm. Ridden, the Gomora responds, "Ya' need to earn a livin' right? We hunt monsters and protect this fine establishment." Vrondi pipes up, "WE ARE MONSTERS!" "Shush you! That's racist you know. Besides, you speak for yourself, "Ansmaro says coyly to put Vrondi back in his place. Ansmaro looks at Silver Fang and asks, "How do you know this guy anyway?" "Training missions a year or so ago, "Silver Fang responds to his companion while Ridden laughs boisterously. "Yeah! Me and Silv' went on missions together! Remember those puk...wudgie thingamajigs? You know! The things that are little fey creatures that look like they are unholy mixes of little people and the backside of a porcupine?" he questions loudly. "Well me, Bill and Will (he points to the Pandon on his side), and Silv' were on a mission a year or so ago, and we ran into six of the little buggers," he starts a story then and there while Silver Fang tries to move to the back of the group out of embarrassment. "Well there we were staring them down," continues Ridden doing motions with his hands to emphasize points, "then two of them fire their quills at Silv' over here and he ducks, while four of them start shakin' their groove things and channeling magic and cast vomit storm-which instead of hitting me, hits Silv' over 'ere!" Everyone then looks at Silver Fang, while he puts his hand over his face and responds with a great deal of embarrassment, "Yes. That DID happen…" "Well Bill or was it Will, umm… anyways, nailed one of the little critters with an arrow and I cleaved two in half while the other three took off runnin' and I gave chase. I knew those things had a fever that only slashing by a greatsword would be the only cure!" he laughed with great pride within himself. Vrondi muttered to Ansmaro, "Who talks like that anyway?" Ridden slaps his gut and yammers again, "Well, I got close enough to the three, and they channeled their magic again and created three fire balls. I dodged them, but one struck a tree near my two headed friend(s) here, and the other two nailed Silv while he was struggling to get back up."
Silver Fang butts in, "Hey! To change the subject Ridden, know anything about any goblinoids in the area?" Ridden stops a moment and thinks, "Well yes, we were on patrol looking for some Dorakos, because their hide is so valuable, and we saw some kind of meeting in the swamplands with a troll, a mess o' goblinoids and some cloaked figures." The Shaplay drones in, "I detected a powerful arcane artifact in their possession that resembled a costume jewelry cone of some sort. To add to that the goblinoid chieftain, who was mounted on a swampland kank beetle, had two magical enchantments on him and one of the hooded figures just permeated with magical power." King Joe asks in his usual emotionless, autotune voice, "Did you find out what they were talking about?" Bill and Will the Pandon responded, "I leapt from crag to crag of stone that jutted out of Desperation Swamp," the left head with the eye-patch says with strong resolve while the right one looks at the left with a bit of drool coming from its beak. The right goofily says, "'Cause everyone knows Desperation Swamp is the site of an ancient mountain that went KABOOM and then filled with water. Yup Yup!" The left head rolls its eye and begins again, "Well, I got that far, trying not to fall into the water to attract attention from the group and possibly giant catfish or eels in the water. I, then, got onto dry land and overheard them saying the goblinoids were going to send a courier through the troll's land to a safe location close to Harrowstone prison's ruins. The goblinoids wanted their payment first and the figures said they'd arrange it through the troll and reward him handsomely as well." Bonesmasher scoffs, "You didn't even fight them!" Ridden reacts with surprise, "Well, be my guest if you want to battle a horde of goblinoids, a troll, and a group of magical hoods." Ridden, then follows that with, "Well, I was on my way out with the guys. Can't talk longer. It's a pity, so see ya' around." With that the trio exits off screen and disappears. Ansmaro gets a smug look on his face and says "Vom-" "Shut the heck up!" screams Silver Fang as he storms into the building and the scene cuts to the next.
They enter in the main check-in room and a bulbous, frumpy creature shows up. "I be Onpa! Do you fellows wish to stay for the night? I have good quarters that range from 30 Silver pieces to some rather nice rooms that are 70, and for the very classy-a few rooms that are one gold piece," the creature says in a very bad Swedish accent. The group decides that the 30 piece rooms are all what they want and eventually realize they are hungry and proceed to filter into the dining hall. Onpa pops in again, "I be Onpa!" "Gah! Why do you do that?!" jumps Vrondi. "It's because I had a stroke!" blurts Onpa in an almost artificial cheery mood. "What would you like to order?" the unsettling creature questions the group. Bonesmasher cries, "Meat with a side of meat!" "Meat with a side of meat eh? Onpa looks quizzically and follows up with, "How'd you like that done?" Bonesmasher loudly strikes his fists against the diner counter, "DEAD!" Onpa looks surprised and asks Vrondi what he'd like. "Cup of water and maybe some steamed fish please!" the eye-less salamander responds happily. Silver Fang asks for a cup of coffee and BBQ chicken with some veggies on the side, while Ansmaro asks for a glass of wine and some fried mackerel. "Now what would you like, sir? Onpa questions King Joe. King Joe's "face" shows no emotion and he just asks for, "Metal shavings and grease." Onpa looks surprised and replies, "Al…umm...alright sir." With that, Onpa disappears for about twenty minutes while the group converses. After twenty minutes Onpa arrives again and gives them their food and says, "If anything is needed, do ring the bell." After fifteen minutes a loud boom is heard coming from outside and from the window a bright light is seen followed by another.
King Joe beeps out, "What is going on?" Silver Fang, I dunno, but I'm going to find out." With that he rings the bell and out of nowhere: "I be Onpa!" echoes from behind him. Silver Fang turns quickly to face the creature that somehow magically appeared behind him, "How'd you… Nevermind! What the heck is that going on?" "Oh! Goblinoids!" cries Onpa in a sing song tone," They always do that. Toss throwblasts at my gate, even though it's warded and won't go down." "So let me get this straight. You have goblinoids chucking exploding grease balls at your door all the time?" Silver Fang looks aghast. "Yes!" Onpa retorts in a bland, mindlessly happy tone. "That's it! Get ready for battle!" Silver Fang shouts while Bonesmasher screeches, "Shppppaaaaaarr! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!" With that the group exits the scene.
The next scene opens up to table in a room with five mid-twenty somethings at it. "So you guys open the main door and then you see outside four goblinoids with throwblasts, six warriors with daggers and other sharp and curved implements, and one goblinoid wearing the skin of a cocker spaniel over its head like a hoodie," says the taller guy with the black, horn-rimmed glasses and dark jacket. The blonde haired guy with visible beard stubble and in a blue, comic-related t-shirt responds in a sarcastic tone, "Why a cocker spaniel skin?" A slightly portly guy with a crew cut besides the second person at the table responds, "Goblinoids are terrified of dogs, perhaps this was a way of proving it's a real tough guy?" "Well the creatures see all five of you because you made a lot of racket with those doors opening! Roll for initiative!" announces the taller guy who is the Game Master telling the story. The portly guy rolls his dice and shortly spouts a "Crap! I got a 6." The blonde guy with stubble almost shouts with glee, "I got an 18!" The one of the others-a guy with long, red-brown hair with a beard and glasses responds, "I got a 5. The stocky, dark haired guy with green eyes and in a grey sweatshirt responds, "I got a 14." The GM smiles, "So Cocker-Goblinoid goes first, he rolled a natural 20, then you Steve, then Goblinoid Warriors A and C go, then Silver Fang, then Goblinoid Thrower B and C, Goblinoid Warrior B goes, then you Larson, then Goblinoid Thrower D, then Warriors D and E go, Goblinoid Thrower A, then your turn Richard, then yours, Cedric, and Warrior F. The stocky guy looks around and says, "We are so boned." Then the scene changes back.
The barbarian goblinoid with the dog-hide hoodie starts to foam at the mouth as he channels RAGE and picks up a rock and chucks it at Vrondi-striking him in the skull and causing the sorcerer to fall to his knees. "OWWW!" echoes the pelted sorcerer. Within seconds Bonesmasher strikes Goblinoid Thrower C with his massive club with a bellowing "Shppppaaaaaarr! " as C smashes against a tree stump and explodes into green ichor!-The scene switches again back to the GM with his horn-rimmed glasses, who exclaims, "MY God! You criticaled and did 28 damage to a creature with only 12 HP!" "That's who I roll, "remarks the blonde guy with stubble before the scene switches back to the forest. Gobinloid Warriors A and C charge at Silver Fang and A misses and C merely scratches Silver Fang's armor. "My turn!" Silver Fang animatedly cries as he withdraws his halberd and …according to rules cannot attack this turn because he used a full action unsheathing it. "What?! Oh fine! I'll just use a quick action instead!" he grumbles and then spews out three blue fire balls. Two strike Warrior A and then one hits Warrior C. Warrior C runs around ablaze while A's form just smolders and burns. Goblinoid Thrower B tosses a throwblast at Vrondi and it misses, however the explosion does catch Vrondi on fire! His robe to flicker and singe with small flames. Goblinoid Warrior B rushes headfirst into King Joe-causing little damage to King Joe-yet causing severe damage to himself, knocking himself backwards and reeling in pain. King Joe notices the green humanoid in front of him and promptly kicks it quite hard. The goblinoid struggles to get back to his feet while grasping his head in absolute pain. Goblinoid Thrower D misses Ansmaro, while Ansmaro deftly dodges and snickers at the creature as Goblinoid Warrior D, strikes at him and delivers a superficially nasty cut while he screams in pain, "Crimeny! Why you little! OWWW!" Goblinoid Warrior E and Gobinloid Thrower A are terrified in absolute fear of Bonesmasher, because of a botched dice roll. This was brought on by his critical kill of the first Goblinoid and the two are paralyzed with that fear, while they stare at the green gore that drips from his club. Ansmaro draws his rapier to take a swing at Goblinoid Warrior D. Without effort, he strikes the creature and it shrieks in horror and agony due to its wound. Vrondi rolls around as this goes on, trying to put out his charred robe. He uses his elemental power to spew water from his mouth into the air over him so it may fall back down and extinguish the flames. It works flawlessly! …Well except the smoke billowing from his robe. Goblinoid Warrior F takes initiative to strike at King Joe with a club. It damages King Joe very little and shatters the wooden club to the dismay of Warrior F. Then the next turn begins.
The barbarian goblinoid whips out a stone mace and charges at Bonesmasher. The pelt-wearing goblinoid strikes at him with both hands grasping the weapon. "Shppparrr!" curses Bonesmasher aloud and uses an unarmed strike to punch the goblinoid in the face. This in turn, knocks the creature back a few feet though it remains on its own two feet. Goblinoid Warrior C rolls around to extinguish itself before Silver Fang slashes it in half with his halberd. Thrower B grabs another throwblast and throws it at King Joe. King Joe still sustains damage and is hurt visibly. He shakes and makes autouned sounds of pain as fire begins to eat away at his red jacket. Goblinoid Warrior B attempts to fight through the pain, but fails as he rolls around crying out in abysmal agony. King Joe promptly pulls his red jacket off and stomps on it to kill the flames, while Thrower D loads another throwblast and throws it at King Joe, but accidentally strikes Warrior B. Warrior B explodes in shrieks of death and horror, while Warrior D regains composure and bites down on Ansmaro's arm-causing Ansmaro to curse wildly. Warrior E takes off, after regaining some courage, in Silver Fang's direction and finds out his rusty blade can't penetrate Silver Fang's half-plate mail. Thrower A decides to turn and flee, while Ansmaro takes his rapier and slashes Warrior D to pieces. Vrondi turns to conjuring an orb of green fluid that floats toward the still confused Warrior F and turns into a splash of fluid that coves the creature. "Acid Splash! Take that you jerk!" screams Vrondi as the Warrior F shrieks in pain/horror and turns tail like Thrower A. Before the turn could resolve a horrible cry is heard about forty-feet away.
The goblinoid chief on the back of his kank beetle mount cries out again. He wears a headdress made from coins sewn into a hide, conical cap and has what appears to be part of a washboard as a breastplate. His over-sized, brown beetle paws the ground as he cries out again and wields two machetes in both hands. With that he charges into the group.
The battle reaches its third phase…followed by a quick forth. With the boost of confidence from his chief, Cocker-Goblinoid tries another vicious swing at Bonesmasher and misses horribly, causing himself to spin in a circle with momentum. Bonesmasher takes his club and finally splatters Cocker-Goblinoid with heavy force. Silver Fang cries out, "Vrondi! Use a spell or something to find out about any magic doodads that chiefy over there is wearing." Vrondi nods and replies, "But I must wait for my turn." Silver Fang facepalms and strikes Warrior E with his halberd, turning the creature into green puree. Thrower B tries to toss another throwblast at King Joe and misses and takes out a medium-sized bush. King Joe puts his jacket back on and reaches for a grenade. Ansmaro puts away his rapier, grabs his pistol, and watches the incoming kank beetle. "Alright Silver Fang!" spurts Vrondi as he casts "Detect Magic", his head glows with green energy and then he yelps, "He is a lot stronger than a normal Goblinoid!" With that, Bonesmasher is struck by the kank and is pushed back with great force, wrestling with it as its rider screeches at it to push back harder. "He has two magical tattoos and has an enchanted amulet embedded in the back of his breastplate!" cries Vrondi as he emphasizes what he says with hand gestures. Too late for Bonesmasher, as the Goblinoid Chieftain grabs both blades and hacks into him with a crimson spray following the strikes! "Shppppaaaaaarr!" cries Bonesmasher as he lets go and gets ran over by the kank. "Sweet Mother of Crap!" cries Silver Fang and without warning says a few prayers to Apsu-using the smite evil power that somehow visibly makes the Goblinoid chief looks queasy ,"Ack?!" Thrower B decides just to watch his chieftain…and is promptly blown to pieces by King Joe's grenade! Ansmaro gauges the kank that just ran over Bonesmasher and takes a quick shot at it. The munition strikes the creature's exoskeleton and is met with a splash of green ichor and a squealing beetle. Vrondi waves his hands and gestures and casts another spell, "I cast magic missile!" All of the sudden a magical needle of light appears and is hurled at the Chieftain. It strikes the creature and it cries out in pain. "In your face! Well not so much" Vrondi says in glee while, the Goblinoid glares at him with malign intent. "Umm...never mind!" Vrondi responds in a fearful voice.
The sole surviving Goblinoid Chieftain and his kank mount are the only foes the group has to fight. Bonesmasher gets up, "Err...wow…that hurt…Oooo! I be blood sprinkler!" he looks in surprise at his front half. Bonesmasher goes and ribs up pieces of bushes to make a poultice to stop the bleeding gouges in his front side. The Chieftain leaps off of his kank and swings at Silver Fang who dodges his vicious swings and attacks with his halberd, which is parried by the two blades. They both give each other horrid stares meanwhile King Joe comes up from behind and deals a blow to his jaws that forces him to pull back and assume a defensive position. The kank takes off toward Ansmaro who, with quick thinking, dodges the charging creature and spits an arrow-head shaped energy projectile at the kank. The creature turns to face Ansmaro, but gets struck by it and falls to its equivalent of knees. "My people's special attack! Only thing is I can only do it twice a day, but that should put the damper on you!" He also, with blinding speed, reloads his firearm. Vrondi casts Acid Splash again upon the kank causing it to shriek and begin kick showing its intense pain. Chieftain goes again, wielding his blades and striking Silver Fang! The blades scratch the armor the paladin wears over his form a bit, but not much. "Crimeny!" screams Silver Fang who slashes the Chieftain with his halberd, dealing a good deal of damage. The Chieftain still is in the mood for the fighting and recovers from the horrible pain quickly. King Joe tries to throw another punch at the Goblinoid, but the Chieftain ducks quickly and is missed. Ansmaro finally puts the over-sized wood beetle to rest with a final shot from his pistol, while Vrondi goes over to Bonesmaher and pulls out a bottle from his bag. "`Smasher! Hold still!" Vrondi cries as he opens the bottle and empties it onto the barbarian's hide following him pushing the mashed leaves that coated his wounds out of the way. "It burns! SSHHPPAR!" he reacts by flailing his arms and pushing Vrondi away, however in mere seconds, the wounds close up. "Cure moderate wounds," Vrondi says while his antlers spark with electrical joy.
The final melee round begins. Bonesmasher turns his ire toward the Chieftain and charges him. He misses and falls flat on his hind quarters, "Shhhppaaarrr! Overshot it!" With great spite, the Chieftain takes one blade and pierces Silver Fang's front armor! The blade's end even went through his natural saurian armor and meets a spat of blood. "Hurk!" cries Silver Fang as he slashes the Chieftain again; delivering a nasty wound that causes the Chieftain to reel backwards toward Ansmaro-who holds out his foot to trip him. "Grahhh!?" he cries in surprise as he falls backwards and hits his head against the brick road. King Joe delivers the hit this time-squashing the Chieftain into green splatter.
With that Vrondi runs over to Silver Fang, "Are you okay?!" "Oh no… Fine. Just been stabbed," Silver Fang rolls his eyes and grasps his front side over the stab wound in his armor. "Luckily my race, the Silvergons, have natural armored undersides so I'm fine, just superficial bleeding," he says and looks at his blind salamander comrade and then lightens up, "Thanks for the concern." Ansmaro kicks the corpse of the large beetle, "So Sorcerer," Ansmaro begins and walks over to the group, "where was that amulet again?" The Eleking inspects the wound on Silver Fang and mutters, "Oh behind the breastplate…" and waves him off. "A lootin' I will go, a lootin' I will go, high ho the derry-o a lootin' I will go, " sings Ansmaro aloud while going over to King Joe who's cleaning the splatter off of his hands with a hanky. "Shameless robbing?" asked the autoned voice of King Joe that was met with a quick, "Yes sir!" from the Rayja. Ansmaro rips off the breastplate of chiefy's pureed form and picks at the amulet. He eventually pulls it off and goes back to the group. Bonesmasher slaps Vrondi on the back, causing the sorcerer to pinwheel forward onto his face, "Thanks for helping me, amphibian guy!" Ansmaro picks him up, "Can you tell me what it does?" "I can. Have to study it this evening," the salamander said as he examined the trinket with his fingers and his eletro-"sight". Silver Fang looks at the group, "Speaking of that. We should go inside, clean up, rest, and plan out tomorrow what we are going to do." The scene fades to black.
A white screen with big green, bold letters that read, "MONSTER FACTS" shows up on the screen before a green, hulking brute crashes to the ground and rights itself before giving a horrendous bellow. Above it appears the heading, "Troll" appears in big, red letters. A narrator that is indeed Silver Fang begins, "The common troll. This creature is a foul-smelling, foul-tempered creature that has no respect for the law. That being said, it should be known that the race is marred by moving violations." The creature looks at the screen in front of it and bellows again and raises its arms in aggression. "Trolls are known for a few physical characteristics in appearance and those are: Humanoid faces with exaggerated features, bulky green bodies, super regeneration, and very high physical strength." The narrator begins again as the screen focuses on the troll's angry face, "The common troll has a very humanoid face, however their noses are about eight times bigger than that of a normal human. Their mouths are rowed with sharp teeth in front for ripping and tearing and their back jaws have powerful bone crushing capability. Also their ears are of variable size, some are really big, some are really small." The troll cries out with rage and slams his arms against the ground with a horrible crash. "The average adult troll can weigh somewhere between 600 lbs. to 1100 lbs. in weight. Their bodies are heavily muscled and they give them their immense physical strength, " the narrator says as the massive creature grabs three giant ale barrels and heaves them on its back and walks off screen. "Wait?! Where'd those come from?!" The troll comes back into view, spits, and mumbles, "Props." The narrator begins again in sheer chagrin, "Ahem*! To add to that, trolls are infamous for their regenerative abilities. They can regenerate limbs and various other parts and if there is enough material that biological material can regenerate into a troll as well. This is usually because of an organ located on the chest." The camera pans to a red, semi-circled shaped object that protrudes from the chest of the troll. "This organ contains swarms of stem cells that go and seek out a wound and rapidly replace damaged tissue. If this organ is damaged however, stress is put on the nearby heart and causes severe trauma that leads to almost instant death. Thus, this is a very tempting target on the troll. Some necromancers are very interested in troll parts, because their magic makes rather unique pets by influencing various parts and letting each grow into an undead abomination of some sort." The troll roars again and grabs off camera a slab of meat and tears off a piece and chews vigorously. The narrator goes on, "Trolls are also renowned for their seemingly bottomless stomachs and their terrible table mann-"before being interrupted by a powerful belch from the troll; "ers…. Geezum Crow! That stench is powerful!" Recovering his own personal constitution the narrator continues, "Usually trolls live by themselves in caves or in hollows in swamps, bogs, or forests. Small tribes of trolls do exist and in a few cities trolls do come and do business. Still this doesn't change that they usually care for only themselves and have no regard for the law and authority." The troll roars again and smashes the screen in front of him before the scene fades to black.
The scene opens to inside the Boar's Hunt's dining area the next morning. Silver Fang is at a bar counter taking a large swig of a root-based tea from a large, metal tankard. Beside him is Vrondi Piscine who picks at what appears to be an overcooked rasher of bacon. "Onpa's cooking is questionable today," Ansmaro pokes at some brown substance on a plate at a table behind them. Out of nowhere, "I be Onpa! You should not complain because this meal is free, since you killed the goblinoids! Besides, I patched up your paladin friend's armor," says the owner/innkeeper in a sing song tone. Silver Fang nodded, "Yes, thank you. Sorry about my rogue friend here." "We're friends now?" Ansmaro asks in a coy tone. "Not really, just sounds cordial than calling you a thieving, lawless, self-righteous twit right?" responds Silver Fang while rolling his eyes. He clears his throat, "Anyway, I got from Ridden a map of what the terrain we're going to cover today is like." "Oh? Good. Hopefully we won't have too far to slog around in that swamp," Ansmaro responds while pushing his "food's" plate away. "We have fifteen miles to slog through till we get to an island," Silver Fang says in a tone that shows how displeased he is going to do this sort of thing. "With that…you have made me reasonably concerned," Ansmaro says in disgust. "There are probably all sorts of nasty things out there," he continues. "So that's why we have our team and a map," retorts Silver Fang and he follows the statement up with a final gulp of the tea.
"I think we should mobilize the team, sir," says Vrondi. Silver Fang nods and walks to the far side of this large room and goes to the corner booth where King Joe's panels and lights flicker like a neon sign. "Come on," Silver Fang says as he taps King Joe on the shoulder. King Joe turns to Silver Fang and mimes an agreement. Then all of the sudden a sound akin to a kitchen timer goes off. King Joe pops open one of his chest panels and reaches in for a few indiscreet glass bottles. Silver Fang asks inquiringly, "Potions?" King Joe nods and then Silver Fang goes off to grab Bonesmasher and set out while muttering, "Hopefully we are prepared for anything."
Next scene is hours later with the group trudging through a swamp filled with murky water and cypress trees all around them. They are all up to their waists in this water and continue to march onward to the target: The Troll Den. "Have you ever thought that possibly our lives are being narrated?" questioned Vrondi as he looks around at the group. Silver Fang rolls his eyes, "Now are you getting magical hallucinations now? Come on people, hold it together! I already took a lot to wake Bonesmasher up out of a stupor before we left and we all have been delightfully frolicking through this gods-awful swamp for hours, but we can't let that shake our determination!" Ansmaro gives an icy look and is about to say something, before Bonesmasher butts in, "That's what mosquitoes, swamp stink, and other bugs are for right?" Ansmaro looks back at Bonesmasher in shock, "So we have the mental midget reading my mind now? That's just something I wasn't expecting." Bonesmasher looks confused and says in a bemused tone, "Bonesmasher loves midgets. They are funny." The rest of the group looks at each other, turn away, and continue to their destination.
The frame freezes and Silver Fang's head pops out from the left corner. "Folks, you have no idea what we encountered already. Mostly because of pilot episode monetary constraints," he remarks. "However, I CAN show you guys stills," he adds. The frame flips to a still picture of Vrondi looking frightened with King Joe at his side recoiling from a dire tiger salamander in front of them that is about the size of a medium crocodile. The next frame snaps into view with Bonesmasher's mouth open and pebble-like objects spurting out. "This is the whole gravel shot thing, Bonesmasher was bantering on about. His closeness to elementals gave him the power to puke out stone buck shot," Silver Fang says off camera. The next frame shows the dire tiger salamander being pelted by these small stones, while then the other frame pops into view with Bonesmasher wielding his club above the creature. "He smashed it repeatedly and used his bone knives to open the creature up and take its oil glands. He gave them to King Joe, so he could use them for alchemical oil," Silver Fang says and then shouts, "Next Frame!" The next frame shows the back of Ansmaro in the center with his rapier out in a combat stance with a spider sprawled out above him, leaping toward him. "We ran into three giant swamp spiders. That was really shocking. They leapt out at Ansmaro first and he took a defensive stance. Vrondi struck one with a lightning bolt and I seared two with my oral blasts. King Joe just came and smashed them after that and collected their fangs. I wonder. King Joe?!" Silver Fang, who still is not on camera, addresses the technic. "Yes?" the mechanical creature responds in tandem offscreen as well. "What are you going to do with all that stuff you collected?" Silver Fang asks. "Probably make some alchemical torches for later use or extract poison from the fangs for experiments," he responds in a very mechanical, neutral tone. "Well with that we should get back to the present or we may get our producer angry at us," Silver Fang says with enthusiasm and the frame switches back to them in the swamp.
Silver Fang pops out the maps and looks at it, "Hmm…" with that he starts to look around. "That tree there and that pile of debris jutting out of the swamp. Hmm… we should be here," he says noting various things surrounding them. Ansmaro clears his throat and points to what appears to be a mail box with primitive runes smeared on it. "So that's where the troll lives!" exclaims Vrondi and they wade out of the swamp onto a small island. There, it seems to have a massive old tree stump the size of a house in the center of it while under it is a formation of rocks that were assembled into what looks like a makeshift house. Silver Fang bends down and notices something," It's a cobble stone road? That's why the shady characters wanting to get the artifact wanted to go through here!" He points to the road passing through the island and over a small, wooden bridge to another side of the swamp and onward. "It must lead out to a main road or just be a side road no one uses anymore," Silver Fang considers and stops to think while scratching his chin. With that the door from the house slams open and a large, green troll with a massive body; smallish head with pointy nose and huge fangs; and long, tapering arms pops out and cries with malignant fury, "&*(^%$&*^! &&**^$ **&^ )(&!"" Ansmaro looks puzzled and blurts, "What did that creature just say?!" "He spoke Varisian," Silver Fang rolls his eyes before snapping, "Wait! You can't speak it?" "No! I speak Common, Cheliaxian Dialect of Common, Riddleport Slang, and Osiriani," Ansmaro shouts as the troll still waves its fist in anger and shouts in rapid-fire Varisian."Most of those are regional dialects! Anyway, me and Vrondi understand it. I think King Joe over there has a translation mechanism," with that Silver Fang looks to a nodding King Joe. "So that means you and tons of fun over there," he points to Bonesmasher as the kaiju scratches his head in confusion, "don't understand it. He's saying we disturbed his sleep and we are on his property." Silver Fang unsheathes his scimitar and says in Varisian, "Hey! I bet you don't even pay taxes on this land! Now where's the goblinoid courier?" The troll looks at him and gives a heavy, boisterous belly laugh, "He already went and met cultists here. They made the transfer of payment and paid me what I wanted so they could use my land as a crossing point to get to some place called "Harrowstone"." The group all has looks of surprise and Silver Fang facepalms, while the troll says again after taking on an aggressive posture, "But I'll just kill you trespassers for being on my land anyhow."
With that, the battle begins with Bonesmasher pulling out his massive bone club and charging the troll. The towering troll swings out his massive hand, grabs Bonesmasher, picks him up, and hurls him right into King Joe with a massive "THUD!" Silver Fang uses his "Smite Evil" power and all the sudden the troll looks sickened for a split second, before Silver Fang leaps at the creature and delivers a large, gaping wound into its side, while decrying a power attack feat. It cries out with a horrid bellow and tries to swat him away, but fails to do so. Ansmaro pulls out his rapier and slashes using both hands at the troll, dealing a wound to its arm, while Bonesmasher and King Joe lay a few feet away reeling in pain. Vrondi chants and points at the troll, "I cast Ultrasonic Ray!" In mere seconds, the troll cries aloud and shakes its head, but only briefly before darting a look of anger at the Eleking sorcerer. The troll gives a massive howl of anger and screams in Varisian, "I'll eat all of you and pick the bones from my teeth!" With that, he launches himself at Vrondi. Vrondi cries aloud in fear and ducks, while the troll sails over him and falls into the muck and grime along the beach of its island. Silver Fang follows suit and wields his scimitar with both hands, slashing a deep wound onto the troll's leg. However, also he notices something, "Crapbaskets! The troll has healed half of the damage we actually did to it!" Ansmaro switches his pistol and loads an alchemical charge, "I'll be ready for this foul-tempered brute." Silver Fang glares at Ansmaro, "And let him regen. Just dandy right?" Vrondi gets up off of the mossy, loamy ground and chants again with magical power gathering around him. Vrondi points to the area above the troll that is struggling to get up and with a massive "CRACK!" a green cloud covers the troll and causes it to scream in pain. "Caustic cloud! How do you like that, troll?! That should take care of most of his regeneration," says Vrondi Piscine in a very confident tone. Silver Fang, still on guard, walks over and asks, "Really?" Vrondi nods, "Should cut it in half, but we should target his crimson teardrop. You know, the organ in the middle of his chest that helps him regen." Silver Fang nods and Bonesmasher and King Joe finally get to their feet. Bonesmasher shakes his head, "That felt like being run over by a carriage." King Joe reaches for a grenade, still in a shaken manner.
The troll rights itself as it sizzles with caustic acid nipping at its flesh and roars with utter hatred. Bonesmasher charges and grabs its left arm and cries, "Shhhpaarrr! Fang! Hit it!" Before Silver Fang, can react, the troll strikes Bonesmasher repeatedly and hurls him into the swamp! When the troll was distracted by tossing the Redking barbarian into the swamp, Ansmaro blasts him from behind with a Dragonbreath alchemical round from his pistol. The stream of fire chars the troll and causes it to shriek in pain and surprise. Flames billow off of the troll and bite it with their burning whisps of red as the troll is confused with pain. Silver Fang strikes its red organ in its chest with his scimitar, forcing it in deep with both hands. He screams, "Power Attack!" when he does this with a look of fury. The splash of gore that spurts out is like a fountain and forces Silver Fang to let go as the troll swings its arms in pain and shock. It strikes Vrondi with its flailing arms, knocking him over as the smoldering beast grips its chest and falls over to its death.
Within minutes Silver Fang retrieves his scimitar and places it back in its sheathe, and then goes over to help Vrondi to his feet. They all look at the flaming troll corpse and realize with a collective shout, "Bonesmasher is in the swamp!" King Joe wades out into the water and muck and pulls the bloodied barbarian out onto the beach. He coughs up a large amount of foul-smelling water and says in a coughing voice, "*COUGH!* We won right?*COUGH* If not, Bonesmasher not want to be eaten first." Silver Fang looks at him shakes his head, but in a few seconds decides to pat him on the back, "Yes, we won. We did good." They turn and Ansmaro has a toothy grin on his face, "Time to loot?" Silver Fang, once again, tries to maintain composure and says, "Yes. Yes, go on and loot," before muttering something under his breath. With that the party takes off to the shack that is central to this island.
They open the massive wooden door and look around. It's a troll house what do you expect? It's in a shambles like one would expect with hides hanging on iron bars attached to the wall, a giant wood-burning stove in the middle of the home with cookery supplies all over, a chest of drawers that is at least 12 ft high, and a mess of blankets and hides that probably is a bed. Ansmaro goes around looking in drawers and stays ready for traps, Bonesmasher checks the pantry, and Vrondi looks around in a corner that has things thrashed about. Ansmaro grabs a pouch and cries, "150 silver pieces!" Silver Fang barks back, "You know we're going to share that equally." Ansmaro swears, while Bonesmasher begins to examine a stash of dried meat, "Mmmmm...goat! Love goat!" So Silver Fang turns his attention to the Eleking sorcerer that is still rummaging through some rags. "Looks like he had victimized some other magic users at before. Aha!" Vrondi pulls out a leather satchel and opens it up to find five bags of diamond dust. "This is good to use to cast some spells," he adds and Silver Fang counters, "You know we'll sell the other three bags to help fund us and you can keep the two." Even without eyes it's easy to tell Vrondi is sad a bit, but picks up and reaches into a satchel in his robe. "What now?" Silver Fang questions. Vrondi pulls out a piece of parchment and chants while moving his hand in a few odd gestures before a quill appears. He grabs the quill and makes note, "Harrowstone. Just makin' notes on where we go next and what we collect here." "Right, the troll did mention Harrowstone, but that's in Ustalav and that's a week's journey on foot," Silver Fang says while scratching his chin. Vrondi also makes a list of the silver pieces and bags of diamond dust, while the rest of the group realizes it's a troll home…what do you expect to loot from a troll home? With that the scene fades to black.
Credits roll and on a side screen a scene appears that says in bold letters "HISTORY OF THE ULTRAS." It shows Ultra Father and Ultra Mother and a non-descript narrator begins, "In eons past during the era when the gods were more common and intervened with life almost daily, on the continent of Azlant, Ultra Father and Ultra Mother arrived and decided to create their race-the Ultras. They were to be cultured, peace-loving, orderly, and noble people like their creators. The first Ultra they created was Ultraman Belial. They soon created others till the point where there were a few hundred and they stopped." The image switches to a red and black Ultra who is ordering the other various ones to build temples and other buildings. The narrator continues, "After a few centuries, more were made and then a stable population that could renew itself was created." Then an image of Belial holding an intricately carved, blue crystal appears. "Then Belial did something no one expected. He stole a fragment of the Plasma Spark-the item that helped Ultra Father and Mother create the Ultra race from. He intended to absorb it to become a god and to claim what he thought was rightfully his. After all, he helped supervise the mortal Ultras and aided them in building their civilization." The scene switches to the extremely evil looking form of what we know as Ultraman Belial today and the narrator proceeds on, "Even though he received the power he wanted, the power of greed twisted his form and turned him into what he became-a force of total evil." A cutscene of Ultraman Belial raining down purple bolts of lightning upon various Ultras occurs, while he laughs manically. "The population of Azlant in those dark days was reduced by a quarter. Ultra Father sacrificed himself to open a portal to the Abyss and have it suck up Belial so he'd never return," the narrator says while a scene of a black hole sucking Belial into it replaces the former scene. The narrator begins again, "Then they began to rebuild their society, however someone would change the course of history." The scene switches to a gold, and silver Ultra with a metallic beard. "Xin, who would become known as Ultra King, left Azlant for the continent of Avistan. In the now country of Varisia, he built his empire-Thassilon. He brought many refugees with him and brought various local tribes to heel about some 11,000 to 10,700 years ago. Records are sketchy, but around this time his empire was formed," the narrator says in a droning fashion like a stuffy history teacher as the scene switches to a city of massive pillars. "Ultra King waged war on outsiders from other planes and great beasts and discovered rune magic. Worship of the goddess Lissala was encouraged and rune magic ruled the day. Knowledge, architecture, and science were on the move and the empire encompassed most of western Avistan. They even built magical gates that allowed them to visit the moon and several other planets. Then at 107, Ultra King passed," with that a scene of a massive coffin with regalia around it shifts into view. Then the scene shifts to four shadowy figures and the narrator begins, "Then in Ultra King's absence, the Rune Lords rose to power. These sorcerer despots ruled each a section of the empire and kept Thassilon from falling apart. However, these Ultras were horrible and cruel in their own unique ways. The final four Rune Lords were Tiga, Kamila, Hudra, and Darramb after five hundred to six hundred years of Thassilonian rule." The scene switches to various vague statuettes and a few age-worn stele as the narrator finishes up. "No one is sure if it was the Starfall event that ravaged the world that caused Thassilon to fall, or if it was open warfare between the Runelords that caused it to fall, but however the Thassilonian Empire's fall marks the decline of the Ultra people into the unexceptional."
This is weird, I know, but I have wrote a fan fiction series/am in the process writing one that mashes up various Ultraman kaiju as hero in a pathfinder game. It's supposed to be like a tv show and is supposed to be filled with gamer and pop culture humor. What do you guys think? Comments are very well desired.
My paladin is a Silvergon
For a while, I been tossing around an idea for a fan fic and thought it'd be nice to mention here. Don't you if this is the right forum, but meh. What I plan to do is do a fan fic series based on my pathfinder games with my group and some other people I have worked out with. It'll be a parody called PATHSTOMPER that will have a paladin, barbarian, sorcerer, alchemist, and rogue.
If this book was made I'd see it like this.
Third Chapter :
Fifth Chapter: Monster Feats
Sixth: Spells used to influence, summon, restrain, or transform monsters.
Seventh: 22 new monsters!
Maybe have the Monster Hunter Archetype being a fighter or a ranger still not knowing what it should be.
But here's some abilities:
Targeted Strike (Ex): Because of his experience in hunting at level 2, the Monster Hunter gets +1 to making a called shot against a target larger than himself. This bonus increases by +1 for every four levels beyond the second level. This ability replaces bravery.
Devastating Puncture (Ex): Expending all his actions this turn, at the 5th level, the Monster Hunter can wield a weapon such as a spear, lance, sword, or any other sharped weapon that is not an axe; two-handed and deal +6 extra damage. The target must make a roll vs. fortitude or be dazed.
Or something like that. And yes I'm trying to create a new archetype.
I think a book that helps construct rules for making dire animals, weres, and kaiju would be great!
I think a few archetypes like Monster Hunter (Fighter), Beast Rider (Barbarian), Serpent Caller (summoner), and Wyrm Skin Scholar (Alchemist) that deal directly with the monstrous would be great. Options for certain sorcerer bloodlines should be included too.
Primarily, it should be a GM tool to make challenging beasts, but information on monstrous races, feats, items should be included and special archetypes and probably a list of 20 new monsters.
This would be great. Instead of just Bestiary 4, this book could have breakdowns on various "monster races" such as:
This would include a few pages of background fluff, feats, spells specific to said race, and racial equipment. This also would involve new tables on how to create things like "weres" like lycanthropes and possible kaiju or dire beasts.
I just asked for an archetype for the 4th edition dragonborn.
Culturally I believe the dragonborn should be an ancient race that were created from the shards of dragons destroyed by Dahak and recreated as the metallic skinned Dragonborn by Apsu. So a race of ancient dragonborn that resemble primarily bronze and copper draconic humanoids. They built ancient empires but the Starstone's fall and battles with Infernals crushed their nations, however some used magic to move entire cities and groups of dragonborn to the future. So for the last 2,000 years there have been dragonborn that built a small empire south of Jalmeray on islands without the rest of the world knowing, except Osiria, Vudrai, and Jalmeray knowing. Also in northern Vudra there are a few dragonborn citystates.
Set said wrote:
For the gnomes know the real secret, that Nex himself was a gnome, and only assumed a human form so that the other wizards he attracted to his fledgling nation would take him seriously.
Or that's what the gnomes are led to believe, the ACTUAL truth is that Nex truly was a human with protean blood that sought and recieved power from none other than Yog-Sothoth itself!
1. Padishah Empire of Kelesh has a satrap state called Critauri that has been in revolt for over 60 years. Lord Ogsen, from his capital city of Sevarax, takes after his late father and defies the Empire and has continued his father's revolt for independence. Critauri is 80% Casmar, and 17% Kellish, 2% Taldan, and 1 % Tian. The Padishah Empire has isolated the satrap state so knowledge of its existence is not known to the rest of world and knowledge that the Empire cannot reign in a mere satrap state is kept under wraps.
2.Sarusan is inhabited by not only dark-skinned humans that build reed boats, but by a group of half-human/half-dwarves that build small city-states in the continent-wide desert in the south of the continent.