I like Corvischoir too so will use that (because I don't know how to pronounce Corvischior).
That was what brought it to my attention, when Sutter asked me a question about 'Corvish-she-or.' To which I was like, "WTF? 'Corvis Choir,' dummy." And then he pointed it out, and was like "Learn to spell, dummy." And I was like "Awwwwwww. Sad day."
And then Vic found the last 10 posts of this thread and e-mailed the link to everyone in the company under the title "I think Wes might need a Vaction."
I am still using generic 3.5 or Greyhawk gods in all of my games. Why? Frankly, because 10 years long habits are hard to drop, and to be honest, because a lot of the Golarion gods names sound silly to me.
I mean seriously, Gozreh, Rhovagug and Norgorber sound like something somebody had to invent on a very close deadline and mashed the keyboard a few times (i'm not trying to insult anybody's creativity or his/her contribution to this wonderful system)...
We're the first to acknowledge the power of momentum and nostalgia, so by all means, if you like Greyhawk's deity's more than Golarion's, keep right on using them. I promise no one from Paizo will ever show up at your house on game night to tell you you're having bad-wrong-fun and ask for your books back. :P
That said, when we created Golarion, we obviously couldn't use an other company's fantasy deities, and we're super keen on wholly cribbing gods and goddesses from real-world mythology, so we invented our own. And five years later, they've worked out great for us, I know more about them then I ever knew about any D&D deities (even after being a writer and editor for Dragon magazine), and I'm more likely to play a cleric or inquisitor now more than ever. Admittedly, I'm biased, and like I said, to each his own, but we're quite pleased with our deities, their roles in our ever expanding world, and their names.
Grab me at Paizocon or Gen Con some year and I can tell you tons of stories about our thinking on putting this pantheon together, coming up with symbols and roles for these guys (and what never made it), and the awesome time we had naming them (and some of the subtleties behind the names). For example, how Olidammara isn't the only deity with a backwards name. :P
"Dear inconsistent sirs, I see that the spelling of Ustalav's ruling family changes with some regularity between 'Odranti' and 'Ordranti.'
While I'm not super excited about your tone, I'll go ahead an answer your questions because I'm a frickin' prince.
Short story: Ordranti. Longer story: Ordranti is probably most pervasive, appears in the header with the prince's name, and appears in the Inner Sea World Guide. That said, I think at one point I meant to rectify having the name "Ordranti" and the place "Odranto" by losing the superfluous "r." Didn't quite carry through on that one apparently. So, lets go with Ordranti since its out there and is in all the headers and call it done.
F. Wesley Schneider wrote:
"Additionally, between this book, the Inner Sea World Guide, and an un-released product, there is an additional inconsistency in the spelling of the town and castle Corvischior. Is it 'Corvischior' or 'Corvischoir?'
The name was always supposed to be "Corvischoir," but apparently I can't spell "choir" and didn't realize that when the whole name - being a made-up word - got underlined by my spellchecker. So, in the campaign setting, Rule of Fear, and everyplace else - but one unreleased place - it's been Corvischior. That said, when I noticed this "mispelling," I corrected it in the product I saw it in, not realizing how pervasive it was. So now, in 9 out of 10 places, the town and castle are called Corvischior, and lets got with that as the canon spelling. But whenever I run a game set there, the locals will adhere to a confusingly quaint custom of pronouncing their community's name as "Corvischoir."
Since we're all throwing in here, let me do the same. Ahem:
"Dear inconsistent sirs, I see that the spelling of Ustalav's ruling family changes with some regularity between 'Odranti' and 'Ordranti.'
"Additionally, between this book, the Inner Sea World Guide, and an un-released product, there is an additional inconsistency in the spelling of the town and castle Corvischior. Is it 'Corvischior' or 'Corvischoir?'
"As adhering to canon is central to my pride as a GM, it is imperative you resolve this matter immediately. Thank you"
On page 10 in the Amaans section it states that there is supposed to be a section for Katapesta in chapter 3, but looking in chapter 3, and everywhere else in the book, i dont see a section for Kavapesta. Is this a typo, or is my copy just missing the section detailing Kavapesta?
Quite the opposite. Kavapesta is ONLY in my version of the book. One of the towns I wrote up had to die to fit within the book's 64 pages and that was the one, though sadly that mention apparently survived. Fortunately, much of the information on the city found its way into the timeline and the description of Bishop Ulametria and the Pharasmin Penitence. And before people ask to see the handful of idea drained locations I had written for this, no, I'm not sharing.
Alison Kindler: She's a Bard 6 / Pathfinder Chronicler 4 on page 13 and a Bard 9 / Pathfinder Chronicler 4 on page 38. Which of these is correct?
In this case - and 9 out of 10 times in any product where you see this sort of incongruity - I'd go with the section that focuses on the individual and not the peripheral mention. Though I reserve the right to change that decision if I ever stat her up.
Lord Gadigan wrote:
While I'm asking questions, on page 42 there's a character named Innkeeper Mishea Lessina. She's a cleric, but it doesn't list a deity for her. She's running an inn / tavern and is Chaotic Good, so I'd assume her deity was Cayden Cailean, but on the same page are mentioned secondhand tales of "festive Desnan elders" and "winemakers dedicated to Cayden Cailean", as well as a monastary that no one knows the true deity of. Is her deity Cayden Cailean, Desna, or supposed to be left a mystery?
I'd go with Desna, though, again, I reserve the right to change that if she ever gets stated up down the line. Desna's just a better fit with the Varisian dominance of the region and Archerhome's former affiliation.
On page 40, under the "Notable NPCs" of Caliphas, there's a Luvick Siervage (LE male vampire aristocrat 2/fighter 15). Then there's Ristomaur Tiriac (LE male human vampire aristocrat 3/ranger 15) on page 29, vs. Ristomaur Tiriac (LE male human vampire aristocrat 3/ fighter 11) on page 59. Not a big deal really, just something I noticed - I figure if GMs are going to use Tiriac, they'll make him whatever level they want.
Totally. But yeah, go with whats in the write-up of Tiriac as legit.
Generic Villain wrote:
As for Lucimar, I had this suspicion we'd hear from him again. I originally thought the idea of a wereworg lich was dopey, but the guy's sort of grown on me since.
Not me!
Lucimar: "You want me to square off against a bunch of high-level PCs?"
Me: "No, Mr. Lichwolf... I expect you to die"
You have NO idea how hard it is being a book's author and copy fitter. It was really important to me that the book get build on spreads (the two pages you see when a book is open). While we can generally fit about 1,400 to 1,500 words per spread (with art), sometimes that doesn't quite work or one overwrites anyway. So that meant I had to be my own hatchet man on several sections, and that a few details or turns of phrase got left on the cutting room floor. That's standard to the job, and easy when it's not your book, but everyone tends to be a bit more precious with their own stuff. That content is lost to the ethers now, and it's not coming back, but somewhere out there there's the platonic ideal of Rule of Fear with a digression about fashions in Karcau, the opera Countess Venachdalia is writing to star in, and a bunch of other 5 to 50 word bits of "not quite ready for prime time" content. In the end, though - and I know I'm biased - I think the book turned out looking great. And now that other people are seeing it, I'm ecstatic to have that impression confirmed! :)
Carrion Crown marks absolutely no change in our philosophies about naming conventions or setting design. In fact, most of the communities in Ustalav have been on the map of Golarion since the setting's earliest days.
We have a tradition of drawing upon real world touchstones as shorthand to convey ideas in our campaign setting. You can see this across Golarion. In Council of Thieves and Westcrown, for example, many of the names of people and places have an Italian vibe to convey the idea of political intrigue in a Venetian metropolis. We use pyramids, sphinxes, titles like "pharaoh," and names with or reminiscent of "Ra" and "Hotep" to drive home the Egyptian vibes we want for Osirion. Across the Mwangi Expanse names and titles have what might be considdered an African sensibility. Locations in the Lands of the Linnorm Kings include "heims" and "gards" in their naming conventions to suggest themselves as settings for viking adventure (to say nothing of our use of the word "viking" itself). You can see more of the same in Jalmeray and Vudra with inspirations from India; Middle Eastern themes in the naming conventions and titles of Qadira, Thuvia, Rahadoum, and Katapesh; Asian influences across Tian-Xia; shades of Jerusalem in Absalom, and, yeah, even shades of France in both Galt (inspired mightily by the French Revolution) and Taldor (with its shades of the Hundred Years' War). (And don't even get me started on folkloric creatures we draw from these real world cultures whole cloth.) This list could go on and on and on, and that's just hitting on the places marked distinctly by real world cultures, others owe strong relation to the works of specific authors, fantasy traditions, or literary genres.
In the case of Ustalav, I'd actually say the country borrows more from the latter than being inspired by any single country. As a melding of several brands of horror, there are names and places meant to invoke those you might see in stories like Dracula, the Dunwich Horror, Phantom of the Opera, or folktales of strega and geists. With that in mind, there is of course some overlap between Germanic sounding names and those of counties strongly influenced by gothic horror, especially considering the settings of stories like Le Fanu's "Carmilla," Parson's The Castle of Wolfenbach, or Shelley's Frankenstein (where the titular character notably attends university in Ingolstadt). The influences of other stories and traditions, and the cultures they are most commonly related to, are thus seen across Ustalav in the counties that most closely identify with them. Canterwall, for example, takes its inspiration in part from tales of misty moors, ghost hounds, and mysterious superstitions and so much of the country is meant to evoke a sense of the English countryside. Lozeri draws strongly upon reports of the Beast of Gévaudan and other werewolf stories, and so is meant to feel like the forests and hinterlands of France. Sinaria melds the dilapidated plantations of old Louisiana with the artistry of Paris, ala fiction like the Phantom of the Opera, Black Cannan, and Suspiria. Versex is the region's Lovecraft country, and so the names are meant to evoke the conventions of New England (in a weird coincidence, closer than I would have liked with the town of Hyannis, but cest la vie). Again, I could go on and on, but I think you get the idea.
At the end of the day, this sort of obvious inspiration creates a shorthand that we as authors and designers can share with players and readers. We don't have to spend time deciphering our own B.S. for the audience by calling a desert king a "saldaminin" or some other made up word. Rather, he's a "sultan" and we can all move on to the fun parts of the story knowing what's being talked about. To a similar extent, the same can be said in countries across Golarion, where names, titles, and trappings we already associate with specific cultures and types of stories appear and evoke all the baggage we as readers relate to such elements. This has helped readers instantly identify their favorite themes in our campaign setting and where they might want to explore other types of stories, and we'll definitely be continuing this as we explore even more of our world.
So, in reference to the original post: true; false; yes; and from historical themes to monsters from folklore, from homages to classic French literature to naming conventions, French inspirations can be found across Golarion.
Yay! Thanks! Glad folks got a kick out of them. I'm pretty OCD when it comes to making maps, insisting on drawing out nearly every house and building before I write about the city. Turns out after you spend a half dozen hours face down in a city, penciling in every house, castle, slum, park, and bit of geography you get tons of ideas for who lives where, how the city works, what places stand out as landmarks, and what adventures might go on where.
I got most of the geography down for Ustalav's cities on a few cross country plane trips last year. That's generally where I start, building the terrain first. The geography has a huge impact on the look and feel of a city. Cesca, for example, is a village of industrious folks that rolls acorss several hills, the home of the mayor, a ruined fortress, and temples occupying the highest points and suggesting whats important to the people living there. Karcau, however, is a larger city, built on a river delta. It's meant to feel swampier and more decadent, with the larger scale, larger buildings, lots of tiny islands, and intrusive swampy trees making it feel more elaborate (I was really going for kind of a New Orleans vibe with this one). Lepidstadt is really my favorite in here though, as I wanted it to feel like a city built by secret masters - kind of like Washington D.C. So, I built a few symbols into the street and building layout. Folks who read up on the Esoteric Order of the Palatine Eye might find Pharasma's Spiral, the All-Seeing Eye, and the Golden Scarab in the map. Then Caliphas feels big, old, and dirty; Tamrivena with its walls and forts feels like a police state, and then Thrushmoor is meant to feel like Providence or some other puritanical New England community.
The other maps are just my pet projects. I've spent a lot of time musing on the Saffron House - the setting of some sick "Pidgeons from Hell" style plot in my mind. Feldgrau is born from research on World War I trench warfare, and stands out in Ustalav as its a breed of horror I don't know that I'd call gothic, and is definitely more modern feeling than most of the ghost stories and cursed bloodlines you find in other counties (type the name in wikipedia for a bit of insight into my thoughts on this). The last big one is the side view of Bastardhall, which is kind of my most pet pet location in Golarion and where I run one adventure of an ongoing campaign at Paizocon every year. I've got big plans for this place and the screwed up mystery going on in and underneath it.
So yeah. I really dug mapping these places and, as always, Lazz did a great job making them actual pieces of art. (Not to mention, adding lots of maps is a great way to make a book feel more art heavy without running the art budget into the ground with tons of expensive new half-page illos!) Since folks seem interested, I'll put my original sketches of these locations up on my Facebook here soon (I left my workbook at the office and can't be bothered to walk all the way there :P), and will post here when I do. Until then, I just put up my giant sized sketches of some of the other cities I've mapped: Westcrown, Zirnakaynin, and Dis (I can't find Magnimar right now - where the devil did I put that! - but I'll put that up too when I can).
Again though! Super glad you got a kick out of them!
Yup, just like we did Carrion Crown last year. We're not about to just offhandedly announce details of a new AP on the messageboard at some random time. When we announce it, we'll make a big deal about it, have press releases, and everyone will know. So don't worry. No one's going to miss it.
Addressing each of these to clear up any wonkiness:
Tiriac's Classes: Go with what's printed on page 29. I'm not seeing the vampire aristocrat 3/ranger 15 you mentioned in Caliphas. Maybe I'm looking in the wrong Caliphas section. What's the dude's name?
More on Carrion Hill: Ran out of room to discuss more creepy places I suppose. Folks looking for more information on Carrion Hill can learn more about it in Pathfinder Module: Carrion Hill.
Whispering Way Alignment: While I could see an argument for regional branches of fractious organizations having distinct goals and thus alignments, purists might want to see an "N" instead of a "C" when they look at the alignment on that page.
When WOTC stops giving him work perhaps? I imagine there might be some noncompetitive clauses in his contract.
It hasn't been a problem in the past. Aside from his "Guns of Alkenstar" series, Ed created and introduced monsters for every volume of Kingmaker and took a first stab at the outline for that campaign, kick starting that whole process. But, I believe by his own admission as well, Ed is more a story guy than a hardcore rules guy, and I'd much prefer match up people with their strengths and what they're excited about writing than shoehorning them into weird assignments.
That said, if Ed ever rang us and said he'd be interested in writing adventures, we'd be excited to listen.
Well, in this case it's really nothing more than coincidence, but you're welcome! All I asked for for the nosoi was a whippoorwill with four wings wearing a plague doctor mask. That that mask came out looking similar to one of the angels from NGE, really just a weird similarity. Funny how things work out like that sometimes.
As a note, the Pharasma entry lists two other psychopomps, the yanakeion and the amzranei to be added to Pharasmin Summon Monster lists, and it says that they can be found in #44. I'm guessing this is meant to be 47 also? (it also says that the amzranei is on the Summon Monster 11 list).
This has been addressed multiple times in the Carrion Crown forums, but (working backwards), that's supposed to be summon monster VI, the volume reference should city #47, and - as you'll see in the descriptions for these two - their names have changed from what was noted in that sidebar to what you'll see in #47. So, yanakeion = nosoi, and amzranei = vanth. And again, for folks who don't keep this post handy, that's noted in their write-ups.
For creatures who hate the undead serving a deity that abhors undead, the Vanth looks awfully like an undead creature...
A vanth is no more undead than a thanadaemon is. They're outsiders, embodiments of states and ideals, and those related to the powers of death are definitely going to skew toward morbid appearances.
Ultimately, Pharasma knows the difference even if "Joe Mortal" can't tell.
I was wondering if it would be alright to send a letter inquiring as to the status of my resume. I submitted it around the point when Paizo.com was undergoing maintenance, and am uncertain whether it was successfully received.
If you're concerned about us having received it, best to just kick it my way again and I'll do my best to get right back to you with a confirmation e-mail.
You know, I read the title of this and was expecting to have to diffuse something here. But nope! In short, what Brandon said, we're very much of the same mind on the context and inspirations for all this.
My questions this: is there a consolidated list of Monsters in the bestiary sections of the Adventure paths and other source books. I know most have been reprinted in the Bestiary I & II (which are amazing products), or refer to other books like Tome of Horrors or OGL Nyambe (both of which I have) and Fiend Folio (which my mate has).
If a list of purely what monsters have been in which bestiaries, with some general vitals included, would be helpful, check out the Monster Index over at the Pathfinder Wiki. It looks like it's current up through PF #43.
As for stepping on toes legally, you might want to shy away from redoing or reposting anything newly invented for Golarion or the PFRGP. That might sound like a lot, but soooooo many of our monsters draw from myth and folklore that there'd be no problem with you doing up and posting your own take on an ankou or aspidochelone or any one of a hundred other creatures drawn straight from legendry.
That said, do make sure they're different, it wouldn't do to have anyone think you just reposted our material with the serial numbers filed off. Coming up with cool new special abilities is the easiest way to make sure there's no confusion. (It really shouldn't be too much of a problem though, so don't stress too much over it.) In general, though, real world monsters are totally fair game, and there's a TON of them. If you don't have a library of folklore and encyclopedias of world mythology, I'd suggest checking out some of the lists on Wikipedia related to monsters, mythemes, and legendary creatures. There's some real fertile ground out there.
And be sure to come back and show up what you come up with! I'm always looking for new monster designers who can show they've got some chops.
Wow... I'm so glad I decided to look at this 5 hours after dinner. The bout of dry heaves I just got over was far preferable to wet/chunky/warm slippers.
Just read my copy as well and noticed something in the artwork.
Should I read anything into the four Iconic party members depicted in the AP's art as descending into the slasher-movie inspired haunted prison being all female?
I can't say I'd call Harrowstone "slasher movie" inspired. If I had to call it "anything inspired" I'd say it's Shirley Jackson inspired.
As for comments on the adventuring party tackling Carrion Crown, that's being discussed here.
Short summary: All the male iconics are wusses. :P
As I'd like to do the whole CC campaign, I'll check the others APs before I decide in which domain to put these, but I think #2 could be set in Lamordia.
Speaking purely as one Ravenloft fan to others, here's how I might set it.
Spoiler:
First, I'd keep it as the kind of tour through several lands that it's set up to be in Ustalav, so the following would be best for parties that don't mind walking.
I'd probably start things of in "The Haunting of Harrowstone" in Mordent, having the PCs drawn to Mordentshire or other town not on the map (even Ravengro itself) in much the same way as it's set up in the Carrion Crown Player's Guide, having them be related in some way to a scholarly ally in town, whether it be Van Richten or one of his near equally learned allies. From there, it'd be an easy thing to place Harrowstone outside of the town or nearby. The adventure could proceed pretty much as normal from there.
From there, we get into "Trial of the Beast", which starts with a good long overland journey and some encounters along the way. The PCs could meet the traveling freak show while they're passing through Dementlieu then go on to Ludendorf, which would take the place of Lepidstadt. From there the adventure can progress pretty much as normal, subbing in Schloss Mordenheim for Schloss Caromarc. (Whoa, that's all fits creepily well... I SWEAR it wasn't planned like that and that this is TOTALLY the first time I'm thinking about this. *awkward chuckle* Anyway.)
After that we get into "Broken Moon" territory, but there's no way I'd have the campaign swing all the way back down to Verbrek. Rather, I think I'd use the Forest of Shadows as the Shudderwood and use Corvin or a community on Lake Placid or Redleaf Lake as the Ascanor Lodge. From there I'd swing south to use the City of the Dead as Felgrau.
Departing from there there's another good long journey to the coast with "Wake of the Watcher". The problem here is that the closet coast is way farther away in Ravenloft than it is in Ustalav. I'd probably just hunker down and use Nevuchar Springs as Thrushmoor and then put Illmarsh farther away to the south, somewhere halfway between Nevuchar Springs and the border with Nova Vaasa on the coast of the Nocturnal Sea.
With the trip to Ravenloft Illmarsh taking us halfway down the coast, the closet cosmopolitan center to sub in for Caliphas in "Ashes at Dawn" would be Egertus. That adventure could play out there with little trouble nearly unchanged if you don't mind giving the city a bit of a vampire problem. Though, since it's already set up as a serial killer murder mystery, you might be able to spin Malken in there somewhere.
For the climax with "Shadows of Gallowspire" things get a little trickier. Thinks wrap up in a cursed mountainous wasteland. If you want to play things close to the way the AP presents them heading into Barovia and Mount Sawtooth might be a good place to drop Renchurch and Gallowspire, or even on to Forlorn, or even the mountains of Hazlik since that seems like good grounds for liches. This close to Castle Ravenloft, though, it gets pretty tempting to pull Strahd into the mix, and I might start thinking about respinning the whole plot as some new gambit by Strahd to escape the Demiplane of Dread by collecting and distilling essences from points of power across the domains into an elixir that would allow him to transcend, escape, or even become one of the Dark Powers. Runchurch could be near the village of Barovia and then you could sub in Castle Ravenloft and a fight with Strahd as the big badness at the end.
Actually... that sounds pretty @#$%in' sweet!
All of that said, having hopefully proven my Ravenloft cred, I'd also totally recommend checking out Rule of Fear. That's not to trick you into buying into a new campaign setting, but rather because - understanding that new Ravenloft RPG supplements are hard to come by these days - Rule of Fear has a ton of stuff that you might be able to fit into that campaign setting with ease.
Any way you decide to work this, be sure to tell us about it here. Heck this is probably worth starting up a new thread over, as I suspect there's plenty of other die hard Ravenloft fans out there for whom this might be right up their alley.
Yup and yay! We always put a lot of thought into who the iconics "going on the adventure" are and try not to double up characters from the previous path while still filling up all the spots on the old "fighter," "wizard," "cleric," "rogue" party build. So we knew we wanted Seelah - duh - and Feyja, since I didn't think there was going to be much of a witch element to the campaign and that was the one big horror trope I wanted to play up at every change (not a concern now that I've read "Ashes at Dawn" though). And then we needed a good arcane caster, but just used Ezren in the Serpent Skull AP, so we brought in Seoni. And then... well... that's about when realized we had kind of a Charlie's Angels thing going, and about the time we decided to kill the pregens out of the back (that section made us ship Pathfinder a day later SOOOO often) so repeating characters mattered a little less. AND we still needed a roguey character, and Sajan or Harsk didn't seem like a great fit for the theme, so we almost put in Imrika, but since Merisiel is James's favorite, she went in for a back-to-back tour of duty.
So yeah. We didn't go into this trying to hype Carrion Crown's party as our girl group. They just happened to be the perfect adventurers for the job.
Probably for the best too... guys scare easy, you know.
The 99 Darkest Pieces of Classical Music was a fantastic suggestion; 'already had close to two-thirds of what's on the album, but the others are fairly rare and the quality is exceptional. I think this is an album GMs simply need.
This has been my background music at work all week. Some of the pieces have questionable "darkness," but there's also a few on here that I've known but never known the name of. Good times.
Oh, and yeah, Suspiria - soundtrack and film - are awesome! Weird as hell (barbwire attic!), but awesome
Don't worry, while all of these stories and superstitions coincide with themes in the various adventures, none are threads we'll be picking up in later volumes of this AP. Down the line, that's another story, but not in Carrion Crown. (I'd love to do something with this Saffron House someday, and have a lot of idea for pretty much all of the haunted locations detailed in the back of Rule of Fear.)
As for your concerns about the starving specter, remember that much of Ustalav takes its inspiration from gothic tropes, and I drew a lot of inspiration on this one from descriptions of saftey coffins - which is what it's getting at when it talks about Cobermain designing his own coffin. In some cases, "safety coffin" is a bit of a misnomer, as the actual apparatuses - bells, flags, breathing tubes, feeding pipes, speaking tubes, windows, etc - were built into headstones or provided by the cemetery. With this in mind, or without - as you can see from James's suggestion above - it's not difficult to imagine the variety of routes available to a GM interested in playing up this tale.
That's pretty much the point with these too, they're creepy idea generators, do with them what you will. But by the same token, these are also meant to be vignettes, not full features, so if there are gaps in the details - as there often are in folktales and urban legends (and any story I have fewer than 100 words to tell in) - either just run with it, or even better, feel free to fill in your own details. I promise we're not going to come behind and tell any GM they're wrong for coming up with their own awesome work inspired by these bits.
No decisions have been made about this position. All applications submitted remain under consideration and we are still accepting resumes. More details about the position can be found on our jobs page.
All questions about this opening are best directed to my e-mail (not my voice mail).
Just so you know, "Wake of the Watcher" will include a very basic (VERY BASIC) optional sanity system that ties in with the sanity and madness stuff in the GameMastery Guide.
But folks who want something more elaborate should totally check this thread out!!!
Within a year or two you'd turn into a grizzled undead guardian, watching endlessly for the repeated and interminable attacks of estate lawyers, doomed to forever guard the copy machine
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