Paizo Top Nav Branding
  • Hello, Guest! |
  • Sign In |
  • My Account |
  • Shopping Cart |
  • Help/FAQ
About Paizo Messageboards News Paizo Blog Help/FAQ
Gorebeard Trench

Evil Kjeldorn's page

53 posts. Alias of Kjeldorn.


RSS

1 to 50 of 53 << first < prev | 1 | 2 | next > last >>

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Something something complete!


3 people marked this as a favorite.
NobodysHome wrote:

Fun things to do with a school shopping list: Think of horribly inappropriate uses for the ingredients:

- 40 lb flour
- 5 gallons molasses
  • Homemade tar babies?
  • Frat prank gone horribly, horribly wrong?
  • Krazy Kat Lady Home Ec project?
  • I'm also looking at the "80 lb pork tenderloin, 50 lb baby carrots" and thinking there's GOT to be something there, but not thinking of it right now...

    Hmmm...

    The stuff here's serviceable I guess...

    I'll give it a shake.

    1. Take the tenderloin and freeze it in rough club-like shape.

    2. Stalk someone you have it in for (arch-enemies, Paladins or the guy who's been using your parking spot..), until they are in a secluded location.

    3. Knock them out with your tenderloin club.

    4. Grease up your baby carrots with molasses, and shove them up the behind of your target, until they are properly stuffed with baby carrots.

    4a. Apply knock-outs with your tenderloin club as required during the process of 4 (might get harder if your tenderloin club thaws, but keep on whacking!).

    5. Write out a haunting message for your enemy with the rest of the molasses, detailing what your have done, that this is only the beginning, you'll haunt them forever...yada yada, you know, the entire villain speech thing.

    5a. Sprinkle your molasses manifest with flour. It'll give a bit of Christmas feeling (and make it more easily readable, you enemy might be a bit cross-eyed from the repeated tenderloin clubbing).

    6. Use the remaining flour to make a "flour-screen" to cover your escape.


    PossibleCabbage wrote:

    Regarding the "all gods should be able to endow mortal champions" line of thinking, is this something we could do, instead with Prestige classes?

    Sure! interesting option...

    Or...

    We could take the Paladin base class out back, behind the woodshed, and put it down.
    Gut it, skin it and properly prepare the carcass, so we could make a Paladin prestige class out of it.

    Possible ideas:
    - No spellcasting + spell list. -> gain +1 lvl of divine spellcasting class at lvls 3,5,7,9...
    - A feature much like the Dawnflower Anchorite Credence: Focused Class Feature , maybe 2 or 3 features in total...
    - Some kind of reworking of the classical Abilities that grants Cha to saves, attacks and so on. Mostly to limit serial-dipping...Maybe capping bonuses to your lvl in the prestige class...

    ...

    *Peers into the distance, spots the angry mob approaching!*

    ...

    Sorry got to go!

    *Flees under the barrage of insults, bottles, die and miscellaneous objects being hurled at him*


    1 person marked this as a favorite.
    Scintillae wrote:
    Freehold DM wrote:
    Jess Door wrote:
    Freehold DM wrote:
    Jess Door wrote:

    Hm. Definitely Paladin. I want something about being addicted to stories and story telling, but can't find a good bard archetype about that. Maaaaybe I can stretch to Archeologist, because they research cool stories? But I'm not roguish. Meh.

    PrC: Loremaster.

    Or cat. Could I be a cat?

    be my animal companion as I am a lust wizard, apparently.
    I don't know. Are you high enough level that I could be an ocelot familiar, rather than a housecat?
    only if you let me call you revolver.
    Make sure you keep the proper medication on hand for ol' Revolver.

    Dammit! Its not a medical condition! It's a lifestyle choice!

    Show it loud and proud Revolver!


    *Looks in on his favorite Paladin thread*

    *Sees things have reached Godwin levels*

    *Tears up*

    Doctor Robotnik was right! Happiness is always so much more enjoyable when it's based on the misery of millions.

    *Looks dreamy eyed out of the window*

    Edit: *Throws a knife into the Thread, to see who goes for it first*


    1 person marked this as a favorite.
    Mark Thomas 66 wrote:
    The difference between Vengeance and Retribution is PR. Ragathiel's Paladins don't bother making it sound pretty. The work needs to get done, and bystanders don't have to like it.

    I know! PR is so important.

    I'm still having problems getting the local paladins to understand that my camps are "Mandatory Public Works Projects" and not, as they put it, slave labour camps...

    Sigh...


    2 people marked this as a favorite.

    Because there's a lot to hate?


    1 person marked this as a favorite.
    Limeylongears wrote:
    Evil Kjeldorn wrote:
    Tacticslion wrote:
    Gunter the Penguin wrote:
    Tacticslion wrote:
    Doooooby-dooby-doooooo...
    Dooby dooby doo....

    You got the reference~!

    EDIT: ... would you believe I'd totally forgotten it was a beer ad, and was under the strong impression it was a cheese ad?

    We used to sing, "Doo-be-doo-be-doo; beware the penguine; doo-be-doo-be-doo; oooo~ooooh; doo-be-doo-be-doo: behold the poooowwwwweeerrrr of cheese~!" in high school (there were more lyrics, but I certainly am not going to remember them).

    Pfff... Ha!

    it's clearly a veiled reference to the euro-dance 1995 smash hit by Me & My!

    We Danes ruled the 90's!

    If you could go back to the 790s and do more burning, slaying and pillaging and less Whigfield, I think we'd all be a lot happier.

    *de-beverages!*

    Well, I've never!
    I mean, I know that our attempt to settle on the British isles weren't perfect!
    I'll be sure to tell the rest of the Danes to bring their A-game, next time we go on an almost 300 year long binge of murdering, looting, pillaging and enslavement.
    (Personally I blame the Norwegians!...and Swedes, for some reason).

    As for Whigfield...
    Weaponization tests in the middle 90's proved unsatisfactory. So we put our faith in "Project Bubblegum Dance"!

    *Wrings hands and laughs maniacally!*


    1 person marked this as a favorite.
    Tacticslion wrote:
    Gunter the Penguin wrote:
    Tacticslion wrote:
    Doooooby-dooby-doooooo...
    Dooby dooby doo....

    You got the reference~!

    EDIT: ... would you believe I'd totally forgotten it was a beer ad, and was under the strong impression it was a cheese ad?

    We used to sing, "Doo-be-doo-be-doo; beware the penguine; doo-be-doo-be-doo; oooo~ooooh; doo-be-doo-be-doo: behold the poooowwwwweeerrrr of cheese~!" in high school (there were more lyrics, but I certainly am not going to remember them).

    Pfff... Ha!

    it's clearly a veiled reference to the euro-dance 1995 smash hit by Me & My!

    We Danes ruled the 90's!


    Predictions ehh...

    *Grins*

    The Shifter will be compared unfavorably to the Paladin.

    *Laughs maniacally*


    1 person marked this as a favorite.
    Tacticslion wrote:

    Seriously considering starting something that is, in effect, not only an alignment thread, but one that touches on potentially political concepts. Like, for real.

    Help!

    Errr...

    "He who dares, wins"...?

    edit:

    better TL? ^^


    1 person marked this as a favorite.
    Umbral Reaver wrote:
    Do you mean like this? (was posted on the Starfinder Discord)

    *Stops marching, puts on his monocle and puts his bubble pipe in his mouth*

    *Critically appraises the artwork*

    Valiant attempt! Cleavage is much approved!

    However the artist needs to know, that true pulp-armors protection increases with the amount of skin it shows off!
    Which is why I only wear my trusty furry loincloth and boots (and a leather circlet for truly epic combat encounters).

    *Resumes marching while humming "Now your a Man" by DVDA*

    Edit:

    Lord Fyre wrote:
    EltonJ wrote:
    Sexy power armor? What have I gotten myself into.
    Anime

    "All to Easy" .

    *Grins*


    1 person marked this as a favorite.
    Lord Fyre wrote:
    EltonJ wrote:
    Evil Kjeldorn wrote:

    I, for one, approve of this message!

    Bring back the bare midriffs! And the very low cut tops!
    And space Amazones!
    And chainmail biki... hmmm... Nano-fabric bikinis!

    *Puts on his furry loincloth, furry boots and leather circlet.*

    *Makes a protest sign saying: "Put the Pulp back in Pulpy women!"*

    *Starts marching around in the thread*

    Are you all asking for more fan service?

    I believe so. ;)

    Yes!


    3 people marked this as a favorite.

    I, for one, approve of this message!

    Bring back the bare midriffs! And the very low cut tops!
    And space Amazones!
    And chainmail biki... hmmm... Nano-fabric bikinis!

    *Puts on his furry loincloth, furry boots and leather circlet.*

    *Makes a protest sign saying: "Put the Pulp back in Pulpy women!"*

    *Starts marching around in the thread*


    7 people marked this as a favorite.

    *reads thread*

    ...

    ...

    Now this is how you make a "Does the Paladin fall" thread!

    ...

    *Runs away from the angry mob*


    Always!

    There are no innocents!, only degrees of guilt!


    1 person marked this as a favorite.

    How I deal with Paladins?

    *Looks to left and right, before mentioning for the Goblin to approach closer*

    Now, this isn't a foolproof method, but it usually does the trick for me.

    First you go raid the local orphanage for cute looking orphans.

    Then you put lay out the orphans as a breadcrumb-like trail, leading to a remote ally, where you lie in wait.

    Once the paladin enters the ally, you ambush him, club him over the head with a lead pipe and drag him back to your lair for some misery-style fun.


    2 people marked this as a favorite.

    Save the baby!!!


    1 person marked this as a favorite.
    John Napier 698 wrote:
    Evil Kjeldorn wrote:
    Honorable Battle-Brother wrote:

    "They call me terrorist. Radical. Zealot. Because I obey the ancient laws of my goddess, and punish those who do not. Because I do not forgive your people for corrupting the souls of our fathers, and their fathers, and their fathers before them. An eternity of war between us will not be forgotten." 'You can't do this! Our worlds signed a pact binding us together!' "My homeworld knows no shame. You Eoxians and your unlife are a disease. 'You... will never rule Eox!' "No, I WILL CLEANSE IT!"

    *Smashes down disrupting mace upon the eoxian's skull, crushing it instantly*

    Very 40k-esque!

    The God-Emperor of Mankind approves!

    *Now imagining Pharasmins, in bulky power armors, charging over a blasted landscape, guns blazing, towards lines of undead troops blowing away at with laser weaponry. A fleet of Warships pounding continents with seismic warheads, until the planet crust cracks and buckles. Billions upon billions wiped out as planet after planet is cleansed by the righteous forces of The Pact*

    I, for one, welcome our new genocidal overlords!

    (Hopes for Warfinder as the next setting ^^' )

    Actually, this is paraphrased from Guardians of the Galaxy. The speech given by Ronan the Accuser.

    ^^'

    I stand by my comment! It simply means, that this Ronan character is as avid a tabletop gamer as I!


    2 people marked this as a favorite.
    Honorable Battle-Brother wrote:

    "They call me terrorist. Radical. Zealot. Because I obey the ancient laws of my goddess, and punish those who do not. Because I do not forgive your people for corrupting the souls of our fathers, and their fathers, and their fathers before them. An eternity of war between us will not be forgotten." 'You can't do this! Our worlds signed a pact binding us together!' "My homeworld knows no shame. You Eoxians and your unlife are a disease. 'You... will never rule Eox!' "No, I WILL CLEANSE IT!"

    *Smashes down disrupting mace upon the eoxian's skull, crushing it instantly*

    Very 40k-esque!

    The God-Emperor of Mankind approves!

    *Now imagining Pharasmins, in bulky power armors, charging over a blasted landscape, guns blazing, towards lines of undead troops blowing away at with laser weaponry. A fleet of Warships pounding continents with seismic warheads, until the planet crust cracks and buckles. Billions upon billions wiped out as planet after planet is cleansed by the righteous forces of The Pact*

    I, for one, welcome our new genocidal overlords!

    (Hopes for Warfinder as the next setting ^^' )


    2 people marked this as a favorite.
    Lady Ladile wrote:

    ^I'd love to hear what she comes up with! Here's a picture of her, for reference :)

    So far I've gotten a few food suggestions (Oreo, Cookie, Cream, Milkshake), Chairman Meow, YinYang, Scarface, 'name her after a valkyrie 'cause she's got a scar on her nose', Catarina, and Eclipse.

    Pfff...that's no name for a cat!

    Now Meowssolini...


    *Puts on Jester's outfit"

    A "Niceifyed" Games workshop IP knockoff?

    *Jangles his bell's and rolls around laughing"


    Make Ragathiel fall eh?

    Ahahahahahaha...

    No need! Given his current trajectory, he'll make a fine Horseman of War in a millennium or two!

    *Grins menacingly*


    1 person marked this as a favorite.
    DungeonmasterCal wrote:
    Game design seems like a very often thankless job.

    Just look at the first StarFinder impression threads ^^.

    I'm basically basking in all the "Grrrrrr" they are generating...

    I'm bad widdle boy I know :P


    4 people marked this as a favorite.
    Kileanna wrote:

    I did it.

    I TPKed my players' party.
    It was my first time to do that, as I am not a very harsh GM and I have intelligent players.
    They died by the guts of an undead woman in a red dress. It wasn't a fancy death.

    *Snifles*

    I knew this day would come...but every time it just seems so soon!

    *wipes tears from his eyes*

    Here you need this stuff for your future bloody endeavours...

    *Hands Kile a sacrificial dagger, a book titled "Necromancy for beginners", and a coupon for some Rent-a-Thugs redeemable at Mooks-R-Us*

    Now it's time for you to strike out on your own...

    *Opens door and ushers kile out, giving her a pat on her behind, on the way out*

    They just grow into Dungeon Mastering so fast these days!


    1 person marked this as a favorite.
    Tacticslion wrote:


    Around our house, that song goes a little more like this...

    *His left eyebrow twitches every so slightly, as he adjusts the rear sights on his heavy crossbow and takes aim*

    *inhales slowly*

    *Thwack*

    *The cries of children carries in on the wind and Kjeldorn smiles to himself*


    1 person marked this as a favorite.
    Vidmaster7 wrote:
    So wait do you eat the pine cones too implant them? actually I can't frankly think of any pleasant way for a pine cone to enter ones body.

    Guess you haven't been a part of a smuggling ring, the experience "loosens" you up to these kinds of things...

    *Clenches abdormen, which gives off growling sounds*


    1 person marked this as a favorite.
    Pinecone Girl wrote:

    We give you oxygen and food... I guess that allows us to repurpose you too...

    *Keeps implanting pinecones into people to grow pinecone duplicates of them*

    You will serve us by allowing us to increase our ranks.

    I, for one, welcome our new plant Over-ladies!

    *Munches on a Pinecone*

    I'm just sorry we don't make for better plant beds, as the only place where we're moist and warm, doesn't get much sunlight ^^


    1 person marked this as a favorite.
    Good Kjeldorn wrote:


    Hey hey! No one here is anyone to do anything...
    It's just a little disagreement, which happens all the time with this alignment stuff. Probably because alignments are kind of hard to figur out, and the Gods aren't really helping on this front...

    I mean, just look at the fact that it's a possibility for your average Calistria worshipping Anti-paladin to end up in Elysium upon death! Talk about a win-win(-win) scenario!
    So if your a follower the Savored Sting, break out the cream sauce and dig in to those hearts, cause you're going to "heaven" every which way things pan out!*

    Kind of makes you wonder if you made the right choice, when filling out that follower of a deity or universal philosophical concept (ie alignment) form, that Pharasma receives...

    * I would just like to point out that I can't stand the taste, texture or smell of hearts, doesn't mean I wouldn't take a bite if the stakes where high enough though...

    Hahaha!

    Spineless as usual!

    Elysium here I come!


    1 person marked this as a favorite.
    Lady-J wrote:
    RDM42 wrote:
    I hate the repeated insistence on equating all killing with murder. All murder is killing but not all killing is murder.
    correct there are 3 categories for killing 1st is murder, 2nd is manslaughter and the last is what people do to animals for food

    So when, and who gets to decide, it's okay for me to eat my fellow man?

    I mean it can get a bit confusing when animals, fungi and minerals have gained sentience and developed culture, right?


    2 people marked this as a favorite.
    Fox «Zorro» Clayton wrote:

    Talking about children, girls? I knew you were getting serious!

    I hope I am invited to the wedding!

    Uhm... wait... You will invite your fictional daughter too, right? She's hot!

    That's me boy!

    If you can't get the mother, go for the daughter! When mommy gets jealous enough she might even agree to share!
    and at a weddin' to boot, that always makes the ladies go all tingly.

    *Drains his bottle of Rum, spilling quite a bit out over his lower face and beard*


    3 people marked this as a favorite.
    Kajehase wrote:
    Kjeldorn wrote:
    Yes, homemade butter cookies with coarse cane sugar and cinnamon on top.

    Hipster!

    Can I have some?

    No, they are my cookies!

    *shoves cookies into his mouth, until his cheeks balloon out*


    1 person marked this as a favorite.
    Sharoth wrote:
    Come on Captain Yesterday. Sure you can "rise" to the occasion. I know that you were "bread" better.

    *Hits Sharoth over the nose, with a rolled-up newspaper*

    Bad dragon(-ish creature), Bad! Now go back to your basket!.


    1 person marked this as a favorite.
    gran rey de los mono wrote:
    Evil Kjeldorn wrote:
    Yay!!! Puns are like a scratchy mosquito bite!
    Meaning you want more of them?

    They are annoying, tends to get worse the long you "work" them (and in my case appears, after a nights sleep).


    2 people marked this as a favorite.

    Yay!!! Puns are like a scratchy mosquito bite!


    Kileanna wrote:
    Also: Damned birds! They have decorated my car! My fault for parking under a tree...

    *Feeds his bird spies, while wringing his hands evilly*


    Pinecone Girl wrote:
    It wasn't me.

    Ohh no, your not getting away with playing innocent girl.

    *Shakes pinecone girl, just to almost choke from the cloud of pollen she emits*


    2 people marked this as a favorite.
    Good Kjeldorn wrote:
    Kajehase wrote:
    Kjeldorn wrote:
    captain yesterday wrote:
    I thought Swedish music sounded like Ace Of Base.

    Let me tell you a secret...most of it did ^^.

    *Looks around, expecting to see Sissyl or Kajehase jumping out of the shadows to bludgeon him to death*

    Ah-hah-hah-hah! Oh no. That would be far too nice. No, I think we'll just invite you to our nice little room with the padded walls and the non-stop *Danish* music.

    *Hangs his head in shame*

    It's true...
    The 90's where the glory days of slightly insensitive Danish concept bands.

    *Looks up with a maniacal gleam in his eyes*

    But the thing is...

    While, we where churning out these abominations in the 90's the whole of (western) Europe was dancing to our tunes...

    That says a lot doesn't it!

    *Smiles wickedly*


    1 person marked this as a favorite.
    Kileanna wrote:

    I never gave it a lot of importance. But, come on! A parasitic worm? Not the best thing one could be...

    I had to deal with the human version of them in my job.

    *Steeps onto the thread to tell a joke about women and parasites*


    3 people marked this as a favorite.

    Dignity is overrated.

    *Eating pizza with a fork and a knife, drinking wine from the bottle, while scratching his nether region*


    1 person marked this as a favorite.
    Sharoth wrote:
    You didn't axe for it so perhaps we will shield you from them. But we are having an arrowing time stopping them.

    *Makes strangling hands motion towards Sharoth*

    why you little!!!


    2 people marked this as a favorite.
    King Yesterday Of Action!Town! wrote:
    Assigns Spongebob in pajamas and Rolf the Dog to gather intelligence on what "whatever" is.

    *Laughs creepily and levels his best menacing stare, at Spongebob in pajamas, while he grabs him*

    Hur hur hur hur....

    Guess who's going to the shower with me?


    1 person marked this as a favorite.
    Derailer of Threads wrote:
    Dalindra wrote:
    Sissyl wrote:
    Please don't derail the thread, Max. Kileanna
    FIFY!

    My grievance:

    My boyfriend thinks I am prone to derailing threads traffic . I don't know why.

    *Looks at Kile up and down...*

    *Wink wink*


    1 person marked this as a favorite.

    *Storms in, looking all over the thread*

    I heard the words Kileanna and nudity mentioned in the same post! Where is she?


    *looks a the back of Vid and smiles*

    Yup you've got back baby


    2 people marked this as a favorite.
    Kileanna wrote:

    John wins!

    I know Judge Dredd. I was just being silly.

    Evil Kjeldorn in love is cute. Villains deserve some love too xD

    *Shakes visibly from anger*

    Cute!!! I am Not cute, as for Sissyl, I mean look at her!

    Her magnificent....

    Her majestic....

    Her perfect....

    I mean just look at that Evil aura...it so...

    *drools*


    Sissyl wrote:
    I AM EVIL!

    I AM IN LOVE!


    3 people marked this as a favorite.
    lynora wrote:
    Grocery shopping today. Got a giant carton of wonderful sweet strawberries. They will be gone by the end of tonight. We're kind of fighting each other for who gets more strawberries. :)

    *Throws a plastic spork into the mix, to see who first goes for the improvised weapon*


    1 person marked this as a favorite.

    Hmmm, just a head up, if you should ever find yourself with a blood/urine/whatever sample with my name on it, please discount any traces of horse tranquilizers...


    1 person marked this as a favorite.

    Pfff...

    Pest Exterminator Bait.

    1 to 50 of 53 << first < prev | 1 | 2 | next > last >>

    ©2002-2017 Paizo Inc.® | Privacy Policy | Contact Us
    Need help? Email customer.service@paizo.com or call 425-250-0800 during our business hours, Monday through Friday, 10:00 AM to 5:00 PM Pacific time.

    Paizo Inc., Paizo, the Paizo golem logo, Pathfinder, the Pathfinder logo, Pathfinder Society, Starfinder, the Starfinder logo, GameMastery, and Planet Stories are registered trademarks of Paizo Inc. The Pathfinder Roleplaying Game, Pathfinder Campaign Setting, Pathfinder Adventure Path, Pathfinder Adventure Card Game, Pathfinder Player Companion, Pathfinder Modules, Pathfinder Tales, Pathfinder Battles, Pathfinder Legends, Pathfinder Online, Starfinder Adventure Path, PaizoCon, RPG Superstar, The Golem's Got It, Titanic Games, the Titanic logo, and the Planet Stories planet logo are trademarks of Paizo Inc. Dungeons & Dragons, Dragon, Dungeon, and Polyhedron are registered trademarks of Wizards of the Coast, Inc., a subsidiary of Hasbro, Inc., and have been used by Paizo Inc. under license. Most product names are trademarks owned or used under license by the companies that publish those products; use of such names without mention of trademark status should not be construed as a challenge to such status.