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Epic Meepo's page

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32. RPG Superstar 2013 Marathon Voter, 2014 Marathon Voter. Pathfinder Society Member. 3,981 posts (4,115 including aliases). No reviews. No lists. No wishlists. 1 Pathfinder Society character. 9 aliases.


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RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32

Just last night, I was playing in a game where our 4th-level PCs inadvertently solved a murder mystery a few levels and several victims earlier than expected. To accomplish this, we expended most of our resources on Sherlock-Holmes-level sleuthing, then split the party in a mad dash across the countryside in an attempt to thwart the killer's next attack. As a result, half of us found ourselves face-to-face with a rather nasty undead serial killer.

The killer was currently attempting to murder a family with children. Two of us, my character included, decide to hold off the (high-CR, mythic) serial killer until the children could escape. My character's older brother, a PC sorcerer who was also present, decided that protecting the children would just get us killed and argued that we flee. The two of us who were defending the children refused to retreat.

At this point, the sorcerer decides he is somehow going to protect my character from harm by dropping her with a sleep spell while she is standing directly in front of the mythic undead serial killer. My character fails her save and falls to the ground, helpless, at the villain's feet.

An out-of-character argument ensues, with a fair bit of strong language on my part. From my perspective, it appears that the sorcerer's player has just decided to kill my character to win an argument. The sorcerer's player then freaks out and apologizes. He wasn't paying enough attention and had no idea how close I was to the villain. He was assuming he would have plenty of time to load me onto a horse and ride away, saving me from the serial killer and my own conscience.

Wisely, the GM allows the sorcerer's player to take back his ill-advised sleep spell.

Combat ensures. The party endures the killer's brutal onslaught while loading the children onto horses. My character then hits the killer with a true-strike-enabled dirty trick maneuver, blinding him and covering our escape. We ride off into the night with the children we have saved, and live to fight again another day.

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32

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The Animal Races product line is on track for launch at the end of next week. I have pages in two online stores ready to go live once I upload the relevant files, and I hope to hear back from a third online store in the next few days.

Barring unforeseen delays, I'll be releasing both Clan of the Cat and Clan of the Dog on July 25th. Each will be a fully-illustrated, 11-page PDF (six full pages of game content plus covers, a title page, and some legal text).

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32

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thejeff wrote:
I think it would have been enough to limit the secondary choice to once per day. So that you could choose a different feat each time you cast it, but if you picked the same feat twice, you'd get the same choice.

I'm with thejeff on this one. That's a much better solution.

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32

Thanks, Mike a.k.a. Rawr! Your link is, indeed, the correct one.

I flagged my posts with broken links as having a "BBCode markup problem" so those bad links can either be fixed or disabled.

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32

Things are going well. This weekend, I'll be putting the finishing touches on the first three Animal Races titles (writing back cover text, bookmarking PDFs, deciding whether and what to hyperlink, that sort of thing.). The fourth Animal Races title should be finished–and the fifth one underway–not too long thereafter.

I plan on contacting several online stores regarding storefronts and consignments within the next few business days. Since this is my first experience getting products I've published listed in online stores, I can't say for sure how long the process will take. If I can have one or more storefronts ready to go by July 25th, the Animal Races product line should be ready for launch at that time.

Thanks for following this thread (and double thanks to everyone who Liked Eric Morton Presents on Facebook; I'll be cross-posting product announcements on that page as my products are released). I hope to have some interesting titles available for you soon.

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32

I've used similar house rules in the past. Based on that experience, I recommend the following:

Instead of completely negating a status effect, sacrificing hit points should allow you to reduce a status effect that takes you out of the fight (like frightened or nauseated) to a similar but less debilitating one (like shaken or sickened). This gives creatures a way to avoid being taken out by status effect spells without removing the flavor of those spells.

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32

My alpha readers have finished "Clan of the Cat," and they all want to play Cats, now. Later this week, I hope to convince them that they all want to play Raccoons (or Badgers, Skunks, and Wolverines), instead.

If I can avoid unforeseen delays, I should be setting up storefronts for my first product release at the end of July or shortly thereafter. I will continue to post updates about upcoming products in this thread, and will announce each individual product in its own thread as it is released.

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32

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I got "Clan of the Dog" back from my alpha readers this weekend, and they all want to play Dogs now (even the cat guy). At their request, I will be adding an option to play Small-sized members of the Dog Clans so players can create anthropomorphic chihuahuas if they so choose.

("Clan of the Cat" will be in the hands of my alpha readers in the next few days, and much of the work is already done on "Clan of the Raccoon" and "Clan of the Turtle." Once I have my first four products done and ready to go, I will start setting up storefronts.)

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32

1 person marked this as a favorite.
Brutorz Bill wrote:
This really does sound cool. So it will be a series of releases? Or am I misreading your posts?

"Animal Races" will be a series of (at least) thirty-six products released over the course of the next two years.

If you are on Facebook and would like to receive a notification each time a new "Animal Races" product is released, you can Like and Follow Eric Morton Presents on Facebook.

I will also announce each "Animal Races" product release in this forum, and will investigate additional customer notification options as I go about setting up storefronts for my products.

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32

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motteditor wrote:
I assume Clan of the Raccoon will explicitly mention gunslingers. :)

There will be a Gun-Toting Varmint archetype for Raccoon gunslingers (possibly with a different name).

If I can't fit the archetype in the PDF, I will release it as free online bonus content.

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32

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motteditor wrote:

So, if I use Ultimate Combat, I could make, say, a teenage mutant ninja turtle? :)

I think I'll make him a quarterstaff master and name him Donatello!

"Clan of the Turtle" is the fourth title in this product line. It explicitly mentions ninjas. My goal is to release it as close to August 2014 as possible.

"Clan of the Raccoon" is the third title in this product line. This product is also slated for a release as close to August 2014 as possible. :)

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32

Ascalaphus wrote:
So basically if I understand this right, this is a "what if humanoids evolved from [cats/dogs/bunnies/otters] instead of monkeys"?

This product line asks, "What if all animal-like humanoids were descended from a single ancestral race? What fantasy version of evolution would cause that family tree to follow the same course as real-life evolution?"

In real life, for example, cats, dogs, and hyenas are all descended from a common ancestor. When developing "Animal Races," I asked what sort of creature would produce humanoid offspring that could be divided into Cat, Dog, and Hyena Clans. The answer: a leucrotta-like humanoid. (In mythology, the leucottas combine the features of cats, dogs, and hyenas.)

Each "Animal Races" product introduces you to a mythical ancestor or magical process that adds new animal traits to an ancestral population, transforming it into one or more descendant races. (There are more clans than ancestors, so the genealogy sections of products featuring closely-related clans will overlap to varying degrees. This creates a small amount of redundancy, but allows each product to showcase a larger branch of the "Animal Races" family tree.)

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32

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Oceanshieldwolf wrote:
Especially interested if you include sloths, armadillos, thylacines, quolls...

I'm even including monotremes. :)

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32

I have an upcoming product line that will kick off with a PDF entitled "Clan of the Dog" a few months from now. (Actually, it will kick off with two PDFs, "Clan of the Cat" being the second.)

"Clan of the Dog" includes character options and story elements for a new canine race, but you could easily adapt that material for use with any existing canine race. If you end up using one of the races mentioned earlier in this thread, "Clan of the Dog" would still be useful as supplemental material.

If this thread is still active when "Clan of the Dog" is released, I'll be sure to post a link to the product herein.

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32

Time to perform some thread necromancy.

I don't quite have time for requests yet, but I want to keep this thread closer to the top of the forums so it's easier to find when I am ready to take a few requests.

Though I have not released the troop stats that originally diverted my attention from this thread, they are essentially done, and no longer occupying my time. In addition, I'm close to finishing another project which you can read about here.

Once I'm ready to release that product line, I will be fielding a limited number of requests from this thread as a promotional effort. I won't be able to design every requested monster as I did in the past, but I will design and post a small number of them, chosen by me.

I will post here again when I'm ready to start reviewing new requests.

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32

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"Animal Races" is a product line of playable, animal-themed races with an evolutionary twist.

This upcoming product line presents character options for animal-like humanoids in a way that has never been attempted before. Each product features one of over three-dozen clans of unique, animal-themed races, plus related options for character customization. Unlike playable races drawn from bestiaries, the animal races in this product line are tied together by a detailed family tree with roots in real-world genetics and taxonomy. Each race can be used alone, or as part of a tapestry of animal races that are explicitly related to one another.

If you are a player seeking new animal-themed character options, including new races, feats, and character trait options, "Animal Races" is for you. If you are a GM looking for a diverse group of animal-themed races that share a single, cohesive origin story, "Animal Races" is for you. If you are simply curious to see what high-fantasy variants of real-world evolution might look like, "Animal Races" is for you.

Keep your eyes on this thread for updates as the "Animal Races" product line evolves.

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32

Anzyr wrote:
No one in the Iliad punches out a god.

Technically correct. The son of Tydeus only stabs a goddess through the hand with a spear.

But I agree with your larger point. The Iliad is just an exaggerated account of a battle that actually happened in the Real World, and there simply are no people in the real world above 6th level or so. Stories that are inspired by real-life events should only inform the game mechanics of the first half-dozen or so levels.

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32

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Sean K Reynolds wrote:
In other words: by getting rid of the fixation on whether or not an ability is magic, you can get rid of a (perhaps subconscious) design bias against giving martial classes magical abilities. If it doesn't matter if an ability is magic or not, it doesn't matter if the character class "is magic" or not... just give the class abilities that are appropriate to the theme of the class (fighting, sneaking, healing, whatever).

I agree that removing (Ex) and (Su) might help to reduce subconscious bias amongst designers. I just don't think it would prevent fan arguments against "magic" martials.

Most fan arguments I see against "magic" martials don't use the game-mechanical definition of "magic." They use a broader definition of "magic," where anything that violates real-life physics is "magic," even though the rules of the game explicitly allow non-magical abilities to violate the laws of real-life physics.

Since the fans making arguments against "magic" martials are already using definitions which have nothing to do with (Ex) and (Su), removing (Ex) and (Su) will have no effect on their arguments. They want real-life physics, which will continue to exist no matter what descriptors the game uses.

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32

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I agree that the divide between (Ex) and (Su) is largely superficial.

However, I don't think the divide between (Ex) and (Su) is the reason "martials can't have nice things" in PFRPG. A vocal minority insists that martials must be bound by real-life physics because the Core Rules fail to call attention to an important fact: martials above 6th level routinely violate the laws of real-life physics just by making attack rolls and skill checks.

No one would be arguing that high-level martials must follow the laws of real-life physics if the Core Rules explicitly noted that, based on world record long jump distances, no human in the Real World can ever have more than 6 ranks in Acrobatics. Likewise, based on the fact that no real-life martial artist could ever defeat a full grown elephant (CR 7) in unarmed combat, no real-life martial artist could ever have more than 8th levels of monk (CR 7), even if the (Su) abilities of the monk were removed.

This is actually one of the few areas where I felt 4e did a good job. When the designers divided that game into three tiers of play, they explicitly identified a range of levels (the heroic tier) beyond which characters were expected to exceed the capabilities of real-life heroes. If PFRPG had explicitly stated this concept in the Core Rules, there would be no more arguments about high-level martials needing to follow the real-life laws of physics.

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32

Another month of progress, and things are going well:

To reduce the amount of artwork I will need, I have condensed the forty-eight products I was initially planning into thirty-six products which cover the same material. With twelve fewer products on the schedule, I can stretch the artwork I already have to cover more of my planned releases. This frees up time for me to concentrate on other areas of the design process.

My cover graphics are essentially finished, and I have several decent page border options to choose from. I have started designing and writing content based on the outlines I spent the past few months writing. I have identified all legal text my products will need to include, and I am deciding how best to format my title and credits page. A rough draft of my first manuscript is nearly finished.

The only parts of the product line still in the planning phase are (teaser alert!) the genealogical charts that will appear throughout. The content and layout of those charts are ready to go, but I have yet to decide on the graphics I will use to convey that information. I am leaning towards a minimalist approach, utilizing flowchart-like boxes and lines.

Once I make that last design decision, I will be relatively close to having a complete first draft.

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32


I'd like to participate once I have a 3pp storefront up and running.

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32

5 people marked this as a favorite.

Ironically, the BMW was a Decepticon.

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32

1 person marked this as a favorite.
Sissyl wrote:
So, who's the worse man? George or Steve?

By default, hypothetical George is the worse man. Hypothetical Steve is an immature, overgrown child, not a man.

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32


RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32

That's good advice, Darkjoy, and definitely something I'll take into consideration.

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32

I've made a modest amount of progress in the past two weeks:

My cover graphics for this product line are nearly finished, as are my page borders and my page layout template. I'll need to do some tweaking before I'm done, but I have a firm grasp of where I want to go and how I'm going to get there.

For cover graphics, I'm starting with a minimalist background and adding a filigree-like frame around title of each book. The title will be the predominant feature on each cover. While this scheme will appear fairly plain at full resolution, it should look relatively distinctive when displayed as a thumbnail in an online store.

For my interior, I've decided on a look similar to that found in print magazines. There will be some clean-cut border images and a few other graphic elements to add color, but the background will be plain white. This is an intentional departure from the trend I'm seeing where rulebooks increasingly use textures and watermarks as backgrounds.

Aside from the title page, I'll be using a fairly-standard, two-column page layout. I think I may center illustrations on the middle of the page, allowing text to flow around them on both sides. The text itself will utilize a relatively small selection of easy-to-read fonts.

The sticking point at the moment is interior artwork. I've spent many hours over the past two weeks sifting through thousands of public domain and stock art pictures. My goal is to find a stylistically-consistent set of illustrations to populate this product line.

As anticipated, some of the more obscure themes in my product line don't lend themselves well to public domain illustrations or stock art. I'm still holding out hope that something useful already exists, and I'll continue my search a while longer before exploring other options.

I'll post more in this thread as I make more progress.

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32

Don't forget that the World Tree in many mythologies is a giant, tree-shaped plane of living wood that touches every other region of the cosmos.

Also, here are some (unofficial) stats for wood elementals posted over on

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32

Darkjoy wrote:
I don't know how big your PDFs will be in page count but please be aware that if you are a one man shop 2 per month might be too much?

I know from prior experience that I can crank out 200 well-received monsters in 12 months. I just need to make sure each of my PDFs is no longer than a collection of 8 monster write-ups.

Most of my advance planning involves lining up artwork, preparing graphics, setting up page-layout templates, and otherwise completing as much work on my critical chain as possible. (I've identified the combined process of editing, art direction, and page layout as my critical chain; in comparison, there are relatively few constraints on my ability to write new content, distribute finished PDFs, and monitor public feedback.)

In addition, I plan on finishing two to three months worth of products in advance before releasing anything. That way, I can eat a two-month set-back without falling behind, should that become necessary.

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32

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Where I've Been

As some of you may recall, towards the end of last year, I was preparing to self-publish an amateur PDF of campaign-related house rules. You may also have noticed that I decided to shelve that project a couple weeks before distributing online content I had prepared as promotional material.

Why did I put my amateur publishing project on the back burner? I decided at the last minute that I would rather spend my time establishing a viable, professional PDF publishing business, one involving an ongoing product line that generates a growing inventory of products to populate an online storefront.

Needless to say, planning a sustained product line with a regular release schedule has required much more of my time than cranking out a one-shot PDF. Hence my reduced presence here on the boards over the past six months or so, and my lack of product releases during that time.

My apologies for the sudden change of plans, and for the much-delayed progress report.

Where I'm Going

I still have months of work to do before I am ready to say anything too concrete about my new, improved publishing plan. I can say this: I have a vision for my first product line, and I am constructing a detailed outline that spans an initial run of roughly four dozen PDF products.

I'm hoping this level of advance planning will allow me to release products at a steady rate of two PDFs per month once the necessary groundwork is in place (but no promises). Whatever the release schedule, I will make sure all forty-eight of my planned releases form a cohesive product line.

I will also make an effort to keep anyone following this thread informed of my progress (but again, no promises). If nothing else, I will make an announcement on this forum when I release the first of the offerings in the product line I am planning.

Thank you for reading. I hope to have more details for you soon.

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32

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Vic Wertz wrote:
Others will be brought in at the appropriate time—lots and lots of others.

For a brief second, I read that as, "Otters will be brought in... lots and lots of otters."

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32 , Marathon Voter 2013, Marathon Voter 2014 aka Epic Meepo


"Winner of four Orcscar awards, including the Orcscar for Best Picture."

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32

27 people marked this as a favorite.

The following preview is rated PG-13:
MOVIE-TRAILER GUY: "This March, the next chapter in the story of Amiri and Sajan begins..."


MORGAN FREEMAN: "Many years ago, a story was told about a band of heroes who traveled back in time to kill Hitler. This is their story..."


Interior. A house in Indiana.

[A phone rings. SAJAN answers.]

CALLER: "Sajan, we have an assignment for you and Amiri."

SAJAN: "Sorry, Madam Director, but we're retired."

CALLER: "Your country needs you, Sajan. The reanimated Brain of Hitler is the most dangerous terrorist the world has ever known, and only you can stop him."


Exterior. Day. A street lined with cars.

[Enter SAJAN, walking down the street.]

SAJAN (voice-over): "My name is Sajan. I protect commoners from Big Bad Evil Guys."

[Sajan glances at AMIRI, who is standing across the street, and nods. Amiri nods back at Sajan and presses a detonator she is holding. A car explodes behind Sajan. Sajan stridently walks away from the explosion, not once looking back.]

SAJAN (voice-over): "I've very good at my job... But this time, something strange is going on. I need answers, and time is running out."


Interior. Courtroom.

[JACK NICHOLSON sits on the witness stand. AMIRI stands in front of it.]

NICHOLSON: "You want answers?"

AMIRI: "I want the truth!"



Interior. A hallway in the National Weather Service headquarters.

[A SUPERVISOR walks briskly down the hallway. A frantic SCIENTIST approaches him.]

SCIENTIST: "Sir, I've just done some calculations. You need to see this." [Holds out a clipboard.]

SUPERVISOR [waving the Scientist aside]: "I don't have time for your so-called calculations. I have a meeting at the White House in twenty minutes, and I need to reassure the President that the worst of this freakish weather we've been having is finally over."

SCIENTIST: "You have to listen to me. It's not over at all. There's a 98% chance the weather patterns we've been seeing are the result of a rift the space-time continuum. Also, there's a meteor about to hit the Earth, the signal we've been tracking is coming from an alien spacecraft hiding on the dark side of the Moon, and a tornado en route to downtown Los Angeles just sucked up a bunch of great white sharks... But our first priority needs to be the rift in the space-time continuum."

SUPERVISOR: "I've had it with your crackpot theories. You're fired!"


Exterior. Space.

[An alien spacecraft lurks behind the Moon as a meteor approaches the Earth.]


Exterior. Day. The Pacific Coast.

[A shark-laden tornado drifts towards the coastline.]


Exterior. Day. A city street.

[A FAT MAN exits a fast food joint carrying a burrito. He pauses as he is about to take a bite. Down the street, he sees a rift in space-time forming. The Fat Man lowers his burrito in amazement. A squad of TERMINATORS emerges from the rift.]


Exterior. Day. The streets of downtown Tokyo.

[Various PEDESTRIANS are going about their business when a rift in space-time forms above the city. One of the Pedestrians gestures emphatically and shouts in Japanese. Emerging from the Rift, VELOCIRAPTORS rain down on Tokyo. Each one lands on its feet. The velociraptors begin ransacking Tokyo.]


Interior. Secret Nazi base.

[The BRAIN OF HITLER sits in a jar.]

BRAIN OF HITLER: "All is going according to plan." [Laughs maniacally.]


Exterior. Day. The streets of downtown Tokyo.

[Various PEDESTRIANS flee from rampaging VELOCIRAPTORS.]

SAJAN (voice-over): "It's time to go to work."

[A GIRL, separated from her parents, stands alone in the street. A velociraptor approaches, menacing the girl. Enter SAJAN. With a sweeping kick, Sajan trips the raptor. Enter AMIRI, in a flying leap, wielding an oversized sword. As Amiri lands, she decapitates the raptor.]

SAJAN: "Good job, Amiri."

[Amiri nods.]

SAJAN: "Good job, Tony."

[Across the street, IRON MAN stands above a defeated raptor. He gives Sajan the 'thumbs-up' sign.]


Interior. Secret Nazi base.

[The BRAIN OF HITLER sits in a jar.]

BRAIN OF HITLER: "The fools think they're winning, but my plan has only just begun." [Laughs maniacally.]

[VOLDEMORT stands nearby. Voldemort laughs maniacally.]


Exterior. Day. Los Angeles.

[WILL SMITH watches the sky as a giant alien ship descends, casting its shadow on the city.]


Exterior. Day. A freeway in the Matrix.

[SAJAN and AGENT SMITH exchange blows atop a sixteen-wheeler barreling down the freeway. AMIRI stands nearby, ready to decapitate the agent, but is forced to dodge gunfire from somewhere behind the truck. A car carrying GUN-TOTING AGENTS is approaching the truck from behind.]

SAJAN [delivering a stunning blow to AGENT SMITH]: "I've got this, Amiri. You take care of that car behind us."

[Amiri nods and leaps from the back of the sixteen-wheeler. She lands on her feet on the pavement beside the car full of Gun-Toting Agents. Swinging her sword, she chops the car's engine block in half. The car explodes into pieces which are carried forward by the car's momentum. Traffic behind Amiri swerves to avoid hitting her. Tires squeal. A tanker truck jackknifes in slow motion, tumbling through the air above Amiri, missing the top of her head by mere inches.]


Interior. Los Angeles police department.

[A POLICE CAPTAIN sits at a desk. AMIRI and SAJAN stand before him.]

CAPTAIN: "Dammit, detectives. Do you have any idea how much that stunt you pulled on the freeway is going to cost the taxpayers of this city?" [Leafs through some papers.] "Two sixteen-wheelers destroyed. Fifteen other vehicles totaled. Damage to three overpasses and four buildings."

SAJAN: "We're doing what we have to do, Captain. This is the only way we'll save the city from space-time distortions."

CAPTAIN: “You two are the real menace to society. You're both off the case.”

SAJAN: "Then I'm done with this department." [Sajan removes a badge he is wearing and throws it as if it were a shuriken. The badge lodges in the wall behind the Captain's desk.]

CAPTAIN: "What are you doing, Sajan?"

SAJAN: "I'm taking matters into my own hands, where we all know they belong. I'm going to find out who's behind all these rifts in space-time, and I'm taking them out, with or without your help."


Exterior. Day. Tokyo.

[Various PEDESTRIANS are going about their business as CITY WORKERS clear away dead dinosaurs. In the background, an angry GODZILLA rises up from the city's harbor.]


Exterior. Day. The ruins of Los Angeles.

[A TERMINATOR riding a VELOCIRAPTOR waves forward an army of ZOMBIES. SOLDIERS frantically attempt to evacuate CIVILIANS. In the background, OPTIMUS PRIME battles a MARTIAN TRIPOD.]


Interior. Secret Nazi base.

[The BRAIN OF HITLER sits in a jar. The Brain of Hitler laughs maniacally.]

[EMPEROR PALPATINE stands nearby. Emperor Palpatine laughs maniacally.]

[KING JOFFREY stands nearby. King Joffrey laughs maniacally.]


Exterior. Cloudy day. A plain.

[AMIRI stands before an army of HIGHLANDERS.]

AMIRI [holding aloft her sword]: "They can take our lives, but they can never take... OUR FREEDOM!"

[Amiri charges. The Highlanders draw swords and charge behind her. Together, they advance upon an enormous horde of ORCS that awaits them on the plain.]


Exterior. Twilight. A promontory abutting a cliff.

[Little more than a silhouette, SAJAN faces off against a group of PERSIAN SOLDIERS. The soldiers have their backs to the cliff. In slow motion, Sajan drives the Persians back, pushing them off the cliff.]


MOVIE-TRAILER GUY: "Written by Joss Whedon."


Exterior. Day. A rubble-strewn street in New York City.

[A GIANT FROM JOTUNHEIM is standing above a prone CAPTAIN AMERICA. Captain America is dazed, and is not holding his signature shield.]

GIANT: "Foolish mortal. It would take a god to defeat the likes of me!"
[The giant pulls back his enormous fist, ready to land a killing blow.]

[Enter TORAG in a timely fashion. Torag smashes the giant with his warhammer, knocking the giant into the sky and over the horizon.]

CAPTAIN AMERICA: "Torag? God of the dwarves of Golarion?"

TORAG: "You were expecting some other god with a hammer?"

CAPTAIN AMERICA: "Ah. Nice one-liner."

TORAG: "Thanks. The best part was the meta-humor."


MOVIE-TRAILER GUY: "Directed by J.J. Abrams."


Interior. Death Star.

[Unnecessary lens flare.]

[KIRK and SPOCK battle one another with lightsabers to the classic "Kirk Versus Spock" theme song.]

[Unnecessary lens flare.]


MOVIE-TRAILER GUY: "Cinematography by Michael Bay."


Exterior. Death Star.

[The Death Star explodes.]


Exterior. Starship Enterprise.

[The Enterprise explodes.]


Exterior. Pompeii.

[Mount Vesuvius explodes.]


Exterior. Night. Mordor.

[SUPERMAN flies across Mordor and punches the EYE OF SAURON. The Eye of Sauron explodes.]


MOVIE-TRAILER GUY: "Starring Sajan as Sajan..."


Interior. A castle.

[SAJAN and his ADVISORS study a map of Westeros. A MESSENGER arrives.]

MESSENGER: "Sajan, the Brain of Hitler has captured Amiri!"



MOVIE-TRAILER GUY: "And Amiri as Amiri."


Interior. Secret Nazi base.

[AMIRI is chained to a wall. KING JOFFREY stands in front of her, holding the BRAIN OF HITLER in a jar.]

JOFFREY: "Now, it's just a matter of time before Sajan comes to rescue you. And when he does, my minions will be lying in wait, ready to destroy him once and for all."



MOVIE-TRAILER GUY: "Also starring Matt Damon as Ben Affleck..."


Exterior. Night. The tallest rooftop in Gotham City.

[BEN AFFLECK is dressed as Batman. He stands at the edge of the rooftop, watching the city below.]

BEN AFFLECK: "I'm Batman."



MOVIE-TRAILER GUY: "And Scarlett Johansson in tight black leather."


Interior. Office building lobby.

[SCARLETT JOHANSSON is dressed in tight black leather. She stands on a balcony while a GOON on the first floor aims a bazooka in her direction. The Goon fires a rocket. Scarlett Johansson makes a dramatic swan dive off the balcony, catches a hanging light fixture, and swings to safety as the balcony explodes behind her.]

IMGUR.COM: "{Picture of Scarlett Johansson swan-diving off the Empire State Building} {Picture of Scarlett Johansson swan-diving off the Eiffel Tower} {Picture of Scarlett Johansson swan-diving off a hot dog stand}"


MOVIE-TRAILER GUY: "With Hugh Jackman, Patrick Stewart, Ian McCellen, Liam Neeson, Christopher Walkin, Harrison Ford, Johnny Depp, Natalie Portman, Charlize Theron, Halle Berry, Jodie Foster, Shia LeBeouf, Kate Winslet, Leonardo DiCaprio, Lawrence Fishburne, and Samuel L. Jackson."


Exterior. Cloudy day. A plain.

[SAMUEL L. JACKSON stands before an army of HIGHLANDERS, dressed as a Jedi.]

SAMUEL L. JACKSON [holding aloft a lightsaber]: "I have had it with these motherfrakkin' orcs on this motherfrakkin' plain!"

[Samuel L. Jackson charges. The Highlanders draw lightsabers and charge behind him. Together, they advance upon an enormous horde of ORCS that awaits them on the plain.]


MOVIE-TRAILER GUY: "Featuring Miley Cyrus as King Joffrey..."


Interior. Secret Nazi base.

[AMIRI stands before a startled KING JOFFREY, wearing broken manacles.]

JOFFREY: "You... You can't fight me. You've studied Law. You're not qualified to be a barbarian anymore. Barbarians can't be lawful."

AMIRI: "Are you accusing me of being an ex-barbarian?"

JOFFREY: "You... You are an ex-barbarian."

[Amiri slugs Joffrey, knocking him unconscious.]

AMIRI: "The defense rests."


MOVIE-TRAILER GUY: "And Angelina Jolie as the Pommel of the Sword of Killing Hitler."


Exterior. Twilight. A lakeside in England.

[The SWORD OF KILLING HITLER is embedded, blade down, in a large boulder. Metallica music is blaring somewhere in the background.]

POMMEL OF THE SWORD OF KILLING HITLER: "Admit it: I'm the hottest pommel you've ever seen. You know you totally want to make out with me."


MOVIE-TRAILER GUY: "Coming this March...

"Star Trek, Episode VII: Age of Ultron vs. Superman."


Interior. Secret Nazi base.

[SAJAN stares down the BRAIN OF HITLER from across the room. Sajan wields the Sword of Killing Hitler and the Brain of Hitler sits in a jar.]

[Sajan performs an amazing display of swordsmanship. The Brain of Hitler sits in a jar.]

[Sajan freezes in a stance of perfect readiness. The Brian of Hitler sits in a jar.]

[Sajan lets out a mighty shout and leaps across the room, swinging the Sword of Killing Hitler in an impressive arc as he jumps past the jar holding the Brain of Hitler. The jar shatters as Sajan passes, but the Brain initially seems unharmed. Then, slowly, the top half of the Brain slides off the bottom half, betraying a perfect, razor-sharp cut that has sliced it cleanly in half.]

[Enter AMIRI, who stomps on the two halves of the Brain until nothing is left but a stain on the floor.]


MORGAN FREEMAN: "And thus, the trailer for the film revealed all of the major plot points in said film, along with the final results of the climactic battle scene. It was, in that respect, a fairly typical Hollywood movie trailer.

"Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go read my grocery list and make it sound like the most profound statement uttered in the history of Western civilization."


MOVIE-TRAILER GUY: "Star Trek, Episode VII: Age of Ultron vs. Superman.

"Retirement just got interesting."

[Everything explodes.]

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32

feytharn wrote:
A toast to all the 'Dars' that will ever be in our hearts and memories.

Hear, hear! To all the Dars of the world!

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32

1 person marked this as a favorite.
ericthecleric wrote:
Hi all, good luck with the project, but can I suggest that you rename the medium class? Purple Duck Games already has a published class called the medium. To potentially avoid confusion, it might be helpful to do so!

Given the five (?) published archetypes and classes named "swashbuckler," including two swashbucklers from Paizo and one from WotC, I trust that the gaming public is savvy enough to distinguish between two classes that happen to have the same Real-World-inspired name.

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Why do the people of Golarion not permit interracial marriage?

Or does "bastard" have some archaic meaning with which I'm not familiar?

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32 , Marathon Voter 2013, Marathon Voter 2014 aka Epic Meepo

4 people marked this as a favorite.
Scarletrose wrote:
I doubt you can rework your cool mummy variant for an adventure played in a demiplane of water.

Challenge accepted. On a demiplane of water, you might encounter...

Bog mummies: "Some mummies are created by natural processes which occur only in peat bogs."

Buoyant dead: "The desiccated corpse of this aquatic creature floats in a bubble of stale air."

Waterlogged mummies: "An inanimate mummy exposed to large amounts of water is ruined. An undead mummy exposed to large amounts of water is merely transformed..."

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32 , Marathon Voter 2013, Marathon Voter 2014 aka Epic Meepo

Cthulhudrew wrote:
Does anyone remember the name of the gloves that summoned up dead arms from the earth to hinder their foes movement? I thought those were great.

Gloves of the sentimental dead, one of my Top 16 item picks.

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32

5 people marked this as a favorite.

The globsters are all killed by the shadows, specters, wights, and wraiths that took over the world.

Also, someone threw brown mold into the Elemental Plane of Fire, turning it into the Elemental Plane of Brown Mold.

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32 , Marathon Voter 2013, Marathon Voter 2014 aka Epic Meepo

Sean K Reynolds wrote:
Mikko Kallio wrote:
2a) Judges, is it ok to "acknowledge" any favorable comments in your entry's thread by favoriting them?

Although favoriting favorable comments is technically okay, I will vote against anyone who does it.

I know from my 2009 run that it's very easy to clarify the content of your submission by waiting for a post that makes your argument for you and then calling as much attention to it as possible. The judges let me get away with it back then, but I wouldn't have been as lenient if I were in their shoes.

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32 , Marathon Voter 2013, Marathon Voter 2014 aka Epic Meepo

1 person marked this as a favorite.
Robert Brookes wrote:
I had presumed most people would go that route, and decided to...

First rule of Superstar designer commentary: Don't post any Superstar designer commentary until voting is closed.

Second rule of Superstar designer commentary: Don't post any Superstar designer commentary until voting is closed.

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32

A few months back, my perfectionist tendencies stepped in and prevented me from releasing those troop stats as a PDF. I could have made an okay PDF bestiary at the time, but I didn't want to do a PDF bestiary that was merely okay. If I do a PDF bestiary, I want it to be amazing.

Most of the troop stat blocks do exist in a relatively finished form, though, along with some expanded rules for the troop subtype. I just need to wait until the stars are right to release them for public consumption (probably as a free online resource, not a PDF as originally planned).

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32 , Marathon Voter 2013, Marathon Voter 2014 aka Epic Meepo

Thomas LeBlanc wrote:
Why does does it still show their board name rather than actual names as with previous years contestants?

Yeah, that makes it a lot harder to keep track of who's who this year. Which is making it harder for me to identify and root for specific contestants. Anyone who wants better PR should PM Sean and get their alias changed in the Superstar forums like previous years' finalists.

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32 , Marathon Voter 2013, Marathon Voter 2014 aka Epic Meepo

I've sent along the better-formatted, 217-word orc torc.

Edit: Incidentally, of the Top 100, I never saw breach master's epaulets, footpad's lantern, or sporebane brooch. I'm also curious about the choker of mocking death, another item I didn't see. If anyone could send me the text from one or more of those items, it would be appreciated.

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32 , Marathon Voter 2013, Marathon Voter 2014 aka Epic Meepo

Iammars wrote:

As the writer of the tactician's go-ke, I'm glad I did well on the exit poll at least...

(Now I'm curious how much of the ramble/praise threads were about my item...)

Your go-ke has its share of fans, that's for sure. :)

I know it was on my personal Top 32 list.

(Next year, I'd suggest designing an item whose mechanics are less involved. The fundamentals of go are a bit much to explain properly in 300 words or less, especially when the game pieces are player characters.)

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32 , Marathon Voter 2013, Marathon Voter 2014 aka Epic Meepo

3 people marked this as a favorite.
Jacob Trier wrote:
Mark D Griffin wrote:
That's probably something that will happen after round 2 is over, or at least after the submission deadline.
What Mark said. It is perfectly all right to make and post a monster, but out of respect for the Top 32, wait until after their round 2 entries have been revealed.

Actually, you should wait until Round 2 voting is finished. Otherwise, you'll have some voters comparing and contrasting Top 32 monsters to monsters that aren't even in the competition, possibly to the detriment of one or more contestants. ("Why should I vote for Top 32 monster #3? Also-ran monster #7 clearly proves that there's a better mechanical way to pull off that monster's concept?")

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32 , Marathon Voter 2013, Marathon Voter 2014 aka Epic Meepo

Andrew Marlowe wrote:
We probably have gauze, antiseptics, and bandages for our egos around the guildhall somewhere.

Unfortunately, I think we used those to make torcs this year.

Feel free to browse the amazing selection of torcs at the kiosk by the door, though.

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32 , Marathon Voter 2013, Marathon Voter 2014 aka Epic Meepo

2 people marked this as a favorite.

Overall, I particularly liked 99 items, of which roughly half were in the Top 100. From these, I selected the list appearing below. Exactly half of these selected items were in the Top 100. Of those that were in the Top 100, roughly half were in the Top 32. In other words, my picks this year are exactly as predictive as picks made by a random number generator.

Here are some of the items I liked this year:

Epic Meepo's Top 16:

Choker of the Siphoning Scorpion
Chrysalis Vial
Cleats of Unsubtle Entrance
Deck of the Hellwasp's Sting
Driftwood Token
Gloves of the Dread Viper
Gloves of the Sentimental Dead
Ironmorph Dust
Jar of Imprisoned Echoes
Jingasa of Steadfast Defense
Shawl, Spell-Mirror
Tactician's Go-Ke
Thumb-Heeled Boots
Treestrider’s Satchel
Turban of Psychic Resonance
Water Rat Pouch

Epic Meepo's Next 16:

Amulet of Reverse Incantation
Charlatan's Symbol
Gauntlet of Earth Shattering and Elevating
Glaring Mask
Groundbreaker Cloak
Horned Helm of the Wild Stag
Hostess' Earrings
Ice Rime Gloves
Pouch of Miraculous Seeds
Rope of the Arena
Sewing Form of the Steel Seamstress
Soul’s Visage
Spellsnaring Canvas
Troll Hide Bandages
Tsunami Sash
Wardstone Bracers

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32 , Marathon Voter 2013, Marathon Voter 2014 aka Epic Meepo

5 people marked this as a favorite.

Epic Meepo, Superstar 2009 Top 16, Superstar 2012 Top 32, Superstar 2013 Top 89, Superstar 2014 Top 100

Other contestants need to stop improving every year. I keep sliding lower in the standings. :P

Edit: I was really worried I wouldn't make it into the Top 100, given the fact that Anthony Adam posted a butterfly-themed sample item on the forums (even going so far as to call out "chrysalis" as a cool word). I also know from the Incessant Ramble thread that at least one Marathon Voter was consistently down-voting all potion-related items.

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32 , Marathon Voter 2013, Marathon Voter 2014 aka Epic Meepo

I suspect that exact rank is relatively meaningless, since luck will shift you up and down a few slots based on which voters see your item.

Let's test this by running a simulation.

For this simulation, we'll make the following assumptions:
-My hypothetical item is voted on 1000 times.
-These votes are distributed to voters at random.
-One-third of all voters (Group 1) will up-vote my item every time they vote on it.
-One-third of all voters (Group 2) will up-vote my item every second time they vote on it.
-One-third of all voters (Group 3) will down-vote my item every time they vote on it.

I'll simulate the random distribution of the votes on my hypothetical item by rolling 1000d3. Each die roll represents one vote. Each vote is awarded to the group of voters (defined above) corresponding to the number rolled (a result of 1 equals one vote cast by Group 1, etc.).

Rolling 1000d3 in a die-roller app, I get: 365 ones, 330 twos, and 303 threes.
My item gets 530 up-votes, or 53.0% voter approval.

Now, I'll simulate the random distribution of votes on my item a second time, using the same method.

Rolling 1000d3 in a die-roller app, I get: 339 ones, 327 twos, and 334 threes.
My item gets 502 up-votes, or 50.2% voter approval.

As you can see, pure luck gave my hypothetical item a 3% bump in voter approval in the first simulation as compared to the second. (Note that the second number is a more accurate representation of the voting public's actual opinion of my hypothetical item.)

The results of the spoilered simulation confirm my hypothesis: luck can bump you up or down a bit, so exact rank is somewhat meaningless. (This would be especially true for items sitting right near the Top 100 cut-off.)

EDIT: And the issue was already resolved in the time it took me to crunch those numbers.

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32

This link first appeared in a thread with a slightly confusing title, so I'm reposting it here:

Kickstarter: Customizable 3D Printed Minis

(I have no affiliation with this Kickstarter. I just thought it was cool.)

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