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Epic Meepo's page

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32. RPG Superstar 2013 Marathon Voter, 2014 Marathon Voter. Pathfinder Society Member. 4,018 posts (4,164 including aliases). No reviews. No lists. No wishlists. 1 Pathfinder Society character. 9 aliases.


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RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32

19 people marked this as a favorite.

Humans spend one-third of their lives sleeping.

So do elves. Elves just happen to do all of their sleeping up front so they don't need to worry about it later in life. Sometime before adulthood, they vanish into a faerie realm that exists beyond sleep. Only after experiencing an entire lifetime of dreams do they reappear in the mortal world, now fully grown and immune to sleep effects.

Gnomes don't dream all their dreams at once, but are so full of wanderlust, they find themselves lost in dreams for years at a time. And gnome children sometimes forget to grow older instead of younger, so they're constantly reverting to their younger, less-experienced selves. It takes gnomes a while to learn other mechanisms of coping with hardships and boredom.

Dwarves, meanwhile, are too practical for dream-related shenanigans. They start so late in life because they undergo a natural process of petrification during adolescence. They remain in statue form for decades, during which time family members and well-wishers constantly attempt to perfect them with stonemason's tools. Botched dwarves become duergar.

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Zhayne's observation is correct. Members of the Cat Clans are more customizable than other catfolk.

Also, it's worth noting that members of the Cat Clans are catfolk. They have the catfolk subtype, so they qualify for archetypes, feats, and other character options as if they were ordinary catfolk. As a result, it's relatively easy to combine material from Animal Races: Clan of the Cat with older catfolk mechanics, if you so choose.


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From the Core Rules, page 220:

Core Rules wrote:
Adding Spells to a Sorcerer's or Bard's Repertoire: A sorcerer or bard gains spells each time she attains a new level in her class and never gains spells any other way. When your sorcerer or bard gains a new level, consult Table: Bard Spells Known or Table: Sorcerer Spells Known to learn how many spells from the appropriate spell list she now knows. With permission from the GM, sorcerers and bards can also select the spells they gain from new and unusual spells that they come across while adventuring.

Again, that's a quote from the Core Rules, page 220. (Emphasis mine.)

With GM permission (as allowed by the RAW without ever invoking Rule 0), your bard absolutely can learn gravity bow.


1 person marked this as a favorite.
Imbicatus wrote:
Deadshot Deed is not as good as Pummeling Style because Guns>>>>>Unarmed Strikes.

Who needs the deadshot deed? Just use Pummeling Style to punch bullets through your target's ribcage.


6 people marked this as a favorite.
EltonJ wrote:
The 5e PHB is Amazon's Best. Selling. BOOK. now.

And right behind the PHB on the Amazon bestseller list is the Publication Manual of the American Psychological Association. Clearly, we are witnessing the ultimate popularity contest in the history of tabletop gaming. Is D&D the more popular pastime, or will it eventually be overtaken by writing term papers?

EDIT: Actually, both are now losing to a critically acclaimed novel by Gayle Forman. I can't wait to see how her cutting-edge game mechanics "change the way [I] look at life, love, and family."

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32

2 people marked this as a favorite.
Gnomezrule wrote:
Gorbacz wrote:
Cool. Now finally we can assemble a team made up of a Human Gunslinger, a pair of Half-orc Slayers, a Wyrwood Druid and a Raccoonfolk Alchemist and have them team up with a wheelchair-bound Human Psychic and his uncanny students on a quest to save the galaxy from Dominion of the Black.
You seriously made me stop reading this thread and look for Raccoonfolk.

"Raccoonfolk" are available in the Paizo store.


5 people marked this as a favorite.

Well, whatever the [Redacted] class is, let me be the first to say what we're all thinking:

[Redacted] is the final nail in the rogue's coffin. The rogue class was already the weakest in the game, and the [Redacted] only makes it worse. Anything you can build as a rogue you can shoehorn into the [Redacted] class instead, and doing so makes a better rogue than the actual rogue.

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32

1 person marked this as a favorite.

I'm guessing the default rule that effects don't stack with themselves would prevent you from putting a target to sleep using only this blessing.

When resolving the second instance of the blessing, you would first check that the second instance of the blessing would affect the target. Since the first instance of the blessing is already affecting the target and the blessing does not stack with itself, the second instance of the blessing would not affect the target. This resolves the second instance of the blessing before the "if" clause in its text is ever invoked. (The "if" clause only applies when the blessing would cause a target to become staggered, but the second instance of the blessing would not cause a target to become staggered in the first place.)

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32

1 person marked this as a favorite.
Scavion wrote:
Ive found about 30 lines already of either redundant or unneeded text.

A two-page spread or "one topic per page" layout occasionally requires padding to avoid white space. Removing the padding from one page (or spread) does not allow you to add additional words to any other page (or spread).

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32

2 people marked this as a favorite.

As a new publisher with products for sale in the Paizo store, I wanted to share my thoughts on this topic.

I ended my my first two PDFs with the following statement about file-sharing:

"Thank you for reading. If you have purchased this copy of [this PDF], your support of the author's work is much appreciated. If you have instead borrowed this copy from a peer, please consider purchasing products written by the author at some later date, or recommending the author's work to other interested readers."

Only time will tell if it was a good idea to include that statement in PDFs I'm trying to sell.

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32

1 person marked this as a favorite.
Zhayne wrote:
Okay, I *love* this (and the cat one). It's awesome beyond words ... I like the variable stat layout, and the racial feats. I'm slightly iffy on the 'you can take (racial feat) in place of (class feature)' idea, but I figure that's basically a favored class bonus in a way, so it's not a huge deal.

Glad you're enjoying the PDF.

I like to think of the substitution mechanic you mention as a sort of mini racial archetype. But you are correct when you say it functions a lot like a favored class bonus: you can use the listed race and class synergies to substitute one benefit for another, but you never end up gaining more benefits than a player using a different race and class combo.

Quote:
I am so waiting for more of these. Do you have a release schedule in mind?

I'm making most of my announcements related to the Animal Races product line as a whole over in this thread.

To answer your question, I'm prepared to release as many as two Animal Races products per month (and have two more releases scheduled for this month) if sales numbers warrant releases that frequently.

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32

3 people marked this as a favorite.
Zhayne wrote:
Bought both dog and cat. Holy crap, the best six pages of PDF I ever bought. If the rest of your line is the same quality as these, I am definitely getting them all and recommending them to people.

Thanks for the kind words.

Quote:
BTW, was it planned that you're releasing Raccoons and Turtles at about the same time Guardians Of the Galaxy and TMNT are hitting the theaters? :)

Instead of answering that question, I'll just say this: Raccoons in campaigns that allow firearms will have access to a new gunslinger archetype, and Turtles in any campaign will have access to a Turtle Clan Mutant feat. ;)

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Also available in the Paizo Store.

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32

1 person marked this as a favorite.
Steve Geddes wrote:
If the solution involves the invention of a TARDIS, I don't see that as a problem. :)

Sorry, but the correct response to my last post is...

Doctor Who 50th Anniversary Special spoiler:
"Oh, hundreds and hundreds of years..."

"But don't worry, I've been working on it for a very long time..."

...followed by the greatest cutaway scene ever filmed. :)

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32

11 people marked this as a favorite.
Alexander Augunas wrote:
Question: What's stopping me from keeping my animal companion dead and reaping four succulent benefits? How does that ability work?

Now I want to play a hunter who summons a wolf, kills it, skins it, and absorbs its power by wearing its pelt as a cloak. And any time he encounters a situation where a live wolf would be really handy, he throws his wolf pelt on the ground and raises it from the dead.


1 person marked this as a favorite.
Anzyr wrote:
Repeat after me: Author Fiat. And willing suspension of disbelief. Mechanics make willing suspension of disbelief not work. If you can't do something, you can't do something. No matter how cool it might be in a book.

Unless, of course, you're using the Fate System, where fiat is built into the mechanics.

If you're playing Batman in a game of Fate, you can literally declare that your contingency plans anticipate and counteract all of Superman's high-speed, long-range attacks by spending a Fate point and invoking, "I'm Batman."

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Now available here, Animal Races: Clan of the Dog.

This 11-page PDF (6 pages of content plus two covers, a title page, and some legal text) presents a new playable canine race, which can represent 0-HD descendants of adlets or an entirely independent race of humanoid dogs.

Included are a selection of customizable racial traits that are gained on 1st level, as well as numerous additional racial traits that can be selected over time with one of several new racial feats. Several of these racial traits provide expanded options for various class features.

Also included are rules for heraldic symbols that can be selected in place of traits, and a large amount of background information that can be used to flesh out any dog-themed character, covering topics such as folklore, religion, genealogy, and heraldry.

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Now available here, Animal Races: Clan of the Cat.

This 11-page PDF (6 pages of content plus two covers, a title page, and some legal text) presents a new playable feline race, which can represent a catfolk subrace or an entirely independent race of humanoid cats.

Included are a selection of customizable racial traits that are gained on 1st level, as well as numerous additional racial traits that can be selected over time with one of several new racial feats. Several of these racial traits provide expanded options for various class features.

Also included are rules for heraldic symbols that can be selected in place of traits, and a large amount of background information that can be used to flesh out any cat-themed character, covering topics such as folklore, religion, genealogy, and heraldry.

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32

2 people marked this as a favorite.

Animal Races: Clan of the Cat is now available here!

Animal Races: Clan of the Dog is now available here!

I will be creating a separate thread for each of these products here on this forum. As each of these products goes live in additional online stores, I will make an announcement in that product's dedicated thread.

(I've noticed that the preview tool on store pages linked above does not support the Cambria font, which I used extensively in both of those PDFs. As a result, the text in the store preview isn't as clear as the text in the full PDFs. If end users report a similar problem with unsupported fonts when viewing the full PDFs on their own machines, I will attempt to update both PDFs by embedding the Cambria font.)

Next up:

Animal Races: Clan of the Raccoon, scheduled for mid-August

Animal Races: Clan of the Turtle, scheduled for late August


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JoeJ wrote:
I have problems with the aesthetics of a calling a non-mounted warrior a "cavalier."

Even if he supports King Charles I during the English Civil War?


4 people marked this as a favorite.
Inneliese wrote:
If it weren't for the absence of slaad, would we have proteans?

Am I the only one who read that, "If not for the absence of salad, would we have proteins?"


9 people marked this as a favorite.

If only there were a mechanic in the Pathfinder game that could do away with all of these fiddly mathematics by assigning an abstract, numerical difficulty to each in-character calculation a caster would make when using this feat. Then, instead of performing a bunch of metagame, out-of-character calculations to resolve an in-character action, a player could just roll 1d20, add any relevant modifiers, and compare the result to the assigned difficulty.

Too bad no mechanic like that exists in Pathfinder... What's that Jim? A mechanic like that does exist in Pathfinder? And it's the central action resolution mechanic of the entire game system? So instead of all this gonzo number crunching, this feat could have just assigned difficulties to various spell levels and required casters to make ordinary skill checks targeting those difficulties?

Huh. When you put it like that, this entire feat seems completely inefficient and regressive. Who knew?

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32

2 people marked this as a favorite.

I just received an email about selling PDFs through the Paizo store, and will be completing the necessary paperwork soon. I expect to add paizo.com to the list of places where my PDFs will be available in the near future.

(At this point, I'm probably updating this thread more often than is necessary, but I can't help it; I'm much too excited about publishing my own products for the first time ever. Just a short while longer now.)

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32

1 person marked this as a favorite.

The Animal Races product line is on track for launch at the end of next week. I have pages in two online stores ready to go live once I upload the relevant files, and I hope to hear back from a third online store in the next few days.

Barring unforeseen delays, I'll be releasing both Clan of the Cat and Clan of the Dog on July 25th. Each will be a fully-illustrated, 11-page PDF (six full pages of game content plus covers, a title page, and some legal text).

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32

2 people marked this as a favorite.
thejeff wrote:
I think it would have been enough to limit the secondary choice to once per day. So that you could choose a different feat each time you cast it, but if you picked the same feat twice, you'd get the same choice.

I'm with thejeff on this one. That's a much better solution.

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32

1 person marked this as a favorite.

I got "Clan of the Dog" back from my alpha readers this weekend, and they all want to play Dogs now (even the cat guy). At their request, I will be adding an option to play Small-sized members of the Dog Clans so players can create anthropomorphic chihuahuas if they so choose.

("Clan of the Cat" will be in the hands of my alpha readers in the next few days, and much of the work is already done on "Clan of the Raccoon" and "Clan of the Turtle." Once I have my first four products done and ready to go, I will start setting up storefronts.)

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32

1 person marked this as a favorite.
Brutorz Bill wrote:
This really does sound cool. So it will be a series of releases? Or am I misreading your posts?

"Animal Races" will be a series of (at least) thirty-six products released over the course of the next two years.

If you are on Facebook and would like to receive a notification each time a new "Animal Races" product is released, you can Like and Follow Eric Morton Presents on Facebook.

I will also announce each "Animal Races" product release in this forum, and will investigate additional customer notification options as I go about setting up storefronts for my products.

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32

1 person marked this as a favorite.
motteditor wrote:
I assume Clan of the Raccoon will explicitly mention gunslingers. :)

There will be a Gun-Toting Varmint archetype for Raccoon gunslingers (possibly with a different name).

If I can't fit the archetype in the PDF, I will release it as free online bonus content.

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32

1 person marked this as a favorite.
motteditor wrote:

So, if I use Ultimate Combat, I could make, say, a teenage mutant ninja turtle? :)

I think I'll make him a quarterstaff master and name him Donatello!

"Clan of the Turtle" is the fourth title in this product line. It explicitly mentions ninjas. My goal is to release it as close to August 2014 as possible.

"Clan of the Raccoon" is the third title in this product line. This product is also slated for a release as close to August 2014 as possible. :)

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32

1 person marked this as a favorite.
Oceanshieldwolf wrote:
Especially interested if you include sloths, armadillos, thylacines, quolls...

I'm even including monotremes. :)

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32

10 people marked this as a favorite.

"Animal Races" is a product line of playable, animal-themed races with an evolutionary twist.

This upcoming product line presents character options for animal-like humanoids in a way that has never been attempted before. Each product features one of over three-dozen clans of unique, animal-themed races, plus related options for character customization. Unlike playable races drawn from bestiaries, the animal races in this product line are tied together by a detailed family tree with roots in real-world genetics and taxonomy. Each race can be used alone, or as part of a tapestry of animal races that are explicitly related to one another.

If you are a player seeking new animal-themed character options, including new races, feats, and character trait options, "Animal Races" is for you. If you are a GM looking for a diverse group of animal-themed races that share a single, cohesive origin story, "Animal Races" is for you. If you are simply curious to see what high-fantasy variants of real-world evolution might look like, "Animal Races" is for you.

Keep your eyes on this thread for updates as the "Animal Races" product line evolves.

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32

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Sean K Reynolds wrote:
In other words: by getting rid of the fixation on whether or not an ability is magic, you can get rid of a (perhaps subconscious) design bias against giving martial classes magical abilities. If it doesn't matter if an ability is magic or not, it doesn't matter if the character class "is magic" or not... just give the class abilities that are appropriate to the theme of the class (fighting, sneaking, healing, whatever).

I agree that removing (Ex) and (Su) might help to reduce subconscious bias amongst designers. I just don't think it would prevent fan arguments against "magic" martials.

Most fan arguments I see against "magic" martials don't use the game-mechanical definition of "magic." They use a broader definition of "magic," where anything that violates real-life physics is "magic," even though the rules of the game explicitly allow non-magical abilities to violate the laws of real-life physics.

Since the fans making arguments against "magic" martials are already using definitions which have nothing to do with (Ex) and (Su), removing (Ex) and (Su) will have no effect on their arguments. They want real-life physics, which will continue to exist no matter what descriptors the game uses.

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32

2 people marked this as a favorite.

I agree that the divide between (Ex) and (Su) is largely superficial.

However, I don't think the divide between (Ex) and (Su) is the reason "martials can't have nice things" in PFRPG. A vocal minority insists that martials must be bound by real-life physics because the Core Rules fail to call attention to an important fact: martials above 6th level routinely violate the laws of real-life physics just by making attack rolls and skill checks.

No one would be arguing that high-level martials must follow the laws of real-life physics if the Core Rules explicitly noted that, based on world record long jump distances, no human in the Real World can ever have more than 6 ranks in Acrobatics. Likewise, based on the fact that no real-life martial artist could ever defeat a full grown elephant (CR 7) in unarmed combat, no real-life martial artist could ever have more than 8th levels of monk (CR 7), even if the (Su) abilities of the monk were removed.

This is actually one of the few areas where I felt 4e did a good job. When the designers divided that game into three tiers of play, they explicitly identified a range of levels (the heroic tier) beyond which characters were expected to exceed the capabilities of real-life heroes. If PFRPG had explicitly stated this concept in the Core Rules, there would be no more arguments about high-level martials needing to follow the real-life laws of physics.

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32

5 people marked this as a favorite.

Ironically, the BMW was a Decepticon.

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32

1 person marked this as a favorite.
Sissyl wrote:
So, who's the worse man? George or Steve?

By default, hypothetical George is the worse man. Hypothetical Steve is an immature, overgrown child, not a man.

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32

6 people marked this as a favorite.

Where I've Been

As some of you may recall, towards the end of last year, I was preparing to self-publish an amateur PDF of campaign-related house rules. You may also have noticed that I decided to shelve that project a couple weeks before distributing online content I had prepared as promotional material.

Why did I put my amateur publishing project on the back burner? I decided at the last minute that I would rather spend my time establishing a viable, professional PDF publishing business, one involving an ongoing product line that generates a growing inventory of products to populate an online storefront.

Needless to say, planning a sustained product line with a regular release schedule has required much more of my time than cranking out a one-shot PDF. Hence my reduced presence here on the boards over the past six months or so, and my lack of product releases during that time.

My apologies for the sudden change of plans, and for the much-delayed progress report.

Where I'm Going

I still have months of work to do before I am ready to say anything too concrete about my new, improved publishing plan. I can say this: I have a vision for my first product line, and I am constructing a detailed outline that spans an initial run of roughly four dozen PDF products.

I'm hoping this level of advance planning will allow me to release products at a steady rate of two PDFs per month once the necessary groundwork is in place (but no promises). Whatever the release schedule, I will make sure all forty-eight of my planned releases form a cohesive product line.

I will also make an effort to keep anyone following this thread informed of my progress (but again, no promises). If nothing else, I will make an announcement on this forum when I release the first of the offerings in the product line I am planning.

Thank you for reading. I hope to have more details for you soon.

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32

5 people marked this as a favorite.
Vic Wertz wrote:
Others will be brought in at the appropriate time—lots and lots of others.

For a brief second, I read that as, "Otters will be brought in... lots and lots of otters."

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32

28 people marked this as a favorite.

The following preview is rated PG-13:
MOVIE-TRAILER GUY: "This March, the next chapter in the story of Amiri and Sajan begins..."

---

MORGAN FREEMAN: "Many years ago, a story was told about a band of heroes who traveled back in time to kill Hitler. This is their story..."

---

Interior. A house in Indiana.

[A phone rings. SAJAN answers.]

CALLER: "Sajan, we have an assignment for you and Amiri."

SAJAN: "Sorry, Madam Director, but we're retired."

CALLER: "Your country needs you, Sajan. The reanimated Brain of Hitler is the most dangerous terrorist the world has ever known, and only you can stop him."

---

Exterior. Day. A street lined with cars.

[Enter SAJAN, walking down the street.]

SAJAN (voice-over): "My name is Sajan. I protect commoners from Big Bad Evil Guys."

[Sajan glances at AMIRI, who is standing across the street, and nods. Amiri nods back at Sajan and presses a detonator she is holding. A car explodes behind Sajan. Sajan stridently walks away from the explosion, not once looking back.]

SAJAN (voice-over): "I've very good at my job... But this time, something strange is going on. I need answers, and time is running out."

---

Interior. Courtroom.

[JACK NICHOLSON sits on the witness stand. AMIRI stands in front of it.]

NICHOLSON: "You want answers?"

AMIRI: "I want the truth!"

NICHOLSON: "YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!"

---

Interior. A hallway in the National Weather Service headquarters.

[A SUPERVISOR walks briskly down the hallway. A frantic SCIENTIST approaches him.]

SCIENTIST: "Sir, I've just done some calculations. You need to see this." [Holds out a clipboard.]

SUPERVISOR [waving the Scientist aside]: "I don't have time for your so-called calculations. I have a meeting at the White House in twenty minutes, and I need to reassure the President that the worst of this freakish weather we've been having is finally over."

SCIENTIST: "You have to listen to me. It's not over at all. There's a 98% chance the weather patterns we've been seeing are the result of a rift the space-time continuum. Also, there's a meteor about to hit the Earth, the signal we've been tracking is coming from an alien spacecraft hiding on the dark side of the Moon, and a tornado en route to downtown Los Angeles just sucked up a bunch of great white sharks... But our first priority needs to be the rift in the space-time continuum."

SUPERVISOR: "I've had it with your crackpot theories. You're fired!"

---

Exterior. Space.

[An alien spacecraft lurks behind the Moon as a meteor approaches the Earth.]

---

Exterior. Day. The Pacific Coast.

[A shark-laden tornado drifts towards the coastline.]

---

Exterior. Day. A city street.

[A FAT MAN exits a fast food joint carrying a burrito. He pauses as he is about to take a bite. Down the street, he sees a rift in space-time forming. The Fat Man lowers his burrito in amazement. A squad of TERMINATORS emerges from the rift.]

---

Exterior. Day. The streets of downtown Tokyo.

[Various PEDESTRIANS are going about their business when a rift in space-time forms above the city. One of the Pedestrians gestures emphatically and shouts in Japanese. Emerging from the Rift, VELOCIRAPTORS rain down on Tokyo. Each one lands on its feet. The velociraptors begin ransacking Tokyo.]

---

Interior. Secret Nazi base.

[The BRAIN OF HITLER sits in a jar.]

BRAIN OF HITLER: "All is going according to plan." [Laughs maniacally.]

---

Exterior. Day. The streets of downtown Tokyo.

[Various PEDESTRIANS flee from rampaging VELOCIRAPTORS.]

SAJAN (voice-over): "It's time to go to work."

[A GIRL, separated from her parents, stands alone in the street. A velociraptor approaches, menacing the girl. Enter SAJAN. With a sweeping kick, Sajan trips the raptor. Enter AMIRI, in a flying leap, wielding an oversized sword. As Amiri lands, she decapitates the raptor.]

SAJAN: "Good job, Amiri."

[Amiri nods.]

SAJAN: "Good job, Tony."

[Across the street, IRON MAN stands above a defeated raptor. He gives Sajan the 'thumbs-up' sign.]

---

Interior. Secret Nazi base.

[The BRAIN OF HITLER sits in a jar.]

BRAIN OF HITLER: "The fools think they're winning, but my plan has only just begun." [Laughs maniacally.]

[VOLDEMORT stands nearby. Voldemort laughs maniacally.]

---

Exterior. Day. Los Angeles.

[WILL SMITH watches the sky as a giant alien ship descends, casting its shadow on the city.]

---

Exterior. Day. A freeway in the Matrix.

[SAJAN and AGENT SMITH exchange blows atop a sixteen-wheeler barreling down the freeway. AMIRI stands nearby, ready to decapitate the agent, but is forced to dodge gunfire from somewhere behind the truck. A car carrying GUN-TOTING AGENTS is approaching the truck from behind.]

SAJAN [delivering a stunning blow to AGENT SMITH]: "I've got this, Amiri. You take care of that car behind us."

[Amiri nods and leaps from the back of the sixteen-wheeler. She lands on her feet on the pavement beside the car full of Gun-Toting Agents. Swinging her sword, she chops the car's engine block in half. The car explodes into pieces which are carried forward by the car's momentum. Traffic behind Amiri swerves to avoid hitting her. Tires squeal. A tanker truck jackknifes in slow motion, tumbling through the air above Amiri, missing the top of her head by mere inches.]

---

Interior. Los Angeles police department.

[A POLICE CAPTAIN sits at a desk. AMIRI and SAJAN stand before him.]

CAPTAIN: "Dammit, detectives. Do you have any idea how much that stunt you pulled on the freeway is going to cost the taxpayers of this city?" [Leafs through some papers.] "Two sixteen-wheelers destroyed. Fifteen other vehicles totaled. Damage to three overpasses and four buildings."

SAJAN: "We're doing what we have to do, Captain. This is the only way we'll save the city from space-time distortions."

CAPTAIN: “You two are the real menace to society. You're both off the case.”

SAJAN: "Then I'm done with this department." [Sajan removes a badge he is wearing and throws it as if it were a shuriken. The badge lodges in the wall behind the Captain's desk.]

CAPTAIN: "What are you doing, Sajan?"

SAJAN: "I'm taking matters into my own hands, where we all know they belong. I'm going to find out who's behind all these rifts in space-time, and I'm taking them out, with or without your help."

---

Exterior. Day. Tokyo.

[Various PEDESTRIANS are going about their business as CITY WORKERS clear away dead dinosaurs. In the background, an angry GODZILLA rises up from the city's harbor.]

---

Exterior. Day. The ruins of Los Angeles.

[A TERMINATOR riding a VELOCIRAPTOR waves forward an army of ZOMBIES. SOLDIERS frantically attempt to evacuate CIVILIANS. In the background, OPTIMUS PRIME battles a MARTIAN TRIPOD.]

---

Interior. Secret Nazi base.

[The BRAIN OF HITLER sits in a jar. The Brain of Hitler laughs maniacally.]

[EMPEROR PALPATINE stands nearby. Emperor Palpatine laughs maniacally.]

[KING JOFFREY stands nearby. King Joffrey laughs maniacally.]

---

Exterior. Cloudy day. A plain.

[AMIRI stands before an army of HIGHLANDERS.]

AMIRI [holding aloft her sword]: "They can take our lives, but they can never take... OUR FREEDOM!"

[Amiri charges. The Highlanders draw swords and charge behind her. Together, they advance upon an enormous horde of ORCS that awaits them on the plain.]

---

Exterior. Twilight. A promontory abutting a cliff.

[Little more than a silhouette, SAJAN faces off against a group of PERSIAN SOLDIERS. The soldiers have their backs to the cliff. In slow motion, Sajan drives the Persians back, pushing them off the cliff.]

---

MOVIE-TRAILER GUY: "Written by Joss Whedon."

---

Exterior. Day. A rubble-strewn street in New York City.

[A GIANT FROM JOTUNHEIM is standing above a prone CAPTAIN AMERICA. Captain America is dazed, and is not holding his signature shield.]

GIANT: "Foolish mortal. It would take a god to defeat the likes of me!"
[The giant pulls back his enormous fist, ready to land a killing blow.]

[Enter TORAG in a timely fashion. Torag smashes the giant with his warhammer, knocking the giant into the sky and over the horizon.]

CAPTAIN AMERICA: "Torag? God of the dwarves of Golarion?"

TORAG: "You were expecting some other god with a hammer?"

CAPTAIN AMERICA: "Ah. Nice one-liner."

TORAG: "Thanks. The best part was the meta-humor."

---

MOVIE-TRAILER GUY: "Directed by J.J. Abrams."

---

Interior. Death Star.

[Unnecessary lens flare.]

[KIRK and SPOCK battle one another with lightsabers to the classic "Kirk Versus Spock" theme song.]

[Unnecessary lens flare.]

---

MOVIE-TRAILER GUY: "Cinematography by Michael Bay."

---

Exterior. Death Star.

[The Death Star explodes.]

---

Exterior. Starship Enterprise.

[The Enterprise explodes.]

---

Exterior. Pompeii.

[Mount Vesuvius explodes.]

---

Exterior. Night. Mordor.

[SUPERMAN flies across Mordor and punches the EYE OF SAURON. The Eye of Sauron explodes.]

---

MOVIE-TRAILER GUY: "Starring Sajan as Sajan..."

---

Interior. A castle.

[SAJAN and his ADVISORS study a map of Westeros. A MESSENGER arrives.]

MESSENGER: "Sajan, the Brain of Hitler has captured Amiri!"

SAJAN: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

---

MOVIE-TRAILER GUY: "And Amiri as Amiri."

---

Interior. Secret Nazi base.

[AMIRI is chained to a wall. KING JOFFREY stands in front of her, holding the BRAIN OF HITLER in a jar.]

JOFFREY: "Now, it's just a matter of time before Sajan comes to rescue you. And when he does, my minions will be lying in wait, ready to destroy him once and for all."

AMIRI: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

---

MOVIE-TRAILER GUY: "Also starring Matt Damon as Ben Affleck..."

---

Exterior. Night. The tallest rooftop in Gotham City.

[BEN AFFLECK is dressed as Batman. He stands at the edge of the rooftop, watching the city below.]

BEN AFFLECK: "I'm Batman."

FANDOM: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

---

MOVIE-TRAILER GUY: "And Scarlett Johansson in tight black leather."

---

Interior. Office building lobby.

[SCARLETT JOHANSSON is dressed in tight black leather. She stands on a balcony while a GOON on the first floor aims a bazooka in her direction. The Goon fires a rocket. Scarlett Johansson makes a dramatic swan dive off the balcony, catches a hanging light fixture, and swings to safety as the balcony explodes behind her.]

IMGUR.COM: "{Picture of Scarlett Johansson swan-diving off the Empire State Building} {Picture of Scarlett Johansson swan-diving off the Eiffel Tower} {Picture of Scarlett Johansson swan-diving off a hot dog stand}"

---

MOVIE-TRAILER GUY: "With Hugh Jackman, Patrick Stewart, Ian McCellen, Liam Neeson, Christopher Walkin, Harrison Ford, Johnny Depp, Natalie Portman, Charlize Theron, Halle Berry, Jodie Foster, Shia LeBeouf, Kate Winslet, Leonardo DiCaprio, Lawrence Fishburne, and Samuel L. Jackson."

---

Exterior. Cloudy day. A plain.

[SAMUEL L. JACKSON stands before an army of HIGHLANDERS, dressed as a Jedi.]

SAMUEL L. JACKSON [holding aloft a lightsaber]: "I have had it with these motherfrakkin' orcs on this motherfrakkin' plain!"

[Samuel L. Jackson charges. The Highlanders draw lightsabers and charge behind him. Together, they advance upon an enormous horde of ORCS that awaits them on the plain.]

---

MOVIE-TRAILER GUY: "Featuring Miley Cyrus as King Joffrey..."

---

Interior. Secret Nazi base.

[AMIRI stands before a startled KING JOFFREY, wearing broken manacles.]

JOFFREY: "You... You can't fight me. You've studied Law. You're not qualified to be a barbarian anymore. Barbarians can't be lawful."

AMIRI: "Are you accusing me of being an ex-barbarian?"

JOFFREY: "You... You are an ex-barbarian."

[Amiri slugs Joffrey, knocking him unconscious.]

AMIRI: "The defense rests."

---

MOVIE-TRAILER GUY: "And Angelina Jolie as the Pommel of the Sword of Killing Hitler."

---

Exterior. Twilight. A lakeside in England.

[The SWORD OF KILLING HITLER is embedded, blade down, in a large boulder. Metallica music is blaring somewhere in the background.]

POMMEL OF THE SWORD OF KILLING HITLER: "Admit it: I'm the hottest pommel you've ever seen. You know you totally want to make out with me."

---

MOVIE-TRAILER GUY: "Coming this March...

"Star Trek, Episode VII: Age of Ultron vs. Superman."

---

Interior. Secret Nazi base.

[SAJAN stares down the BRAIN OF HITLER from across the room. Sajan wields the Sword of Killing Hitler and the Brain of Hitler sits in a jar.]

[Sajan performs an amazing display of swordsmanship. The Brain of Hitler sits in a jar.]

[Sajan freezes in a stance of perfect readiness. The Brian of Hitler sits in a jar.]

[Sajan lets out a mighty shout and leaps across the room, swinging the Sword of Killing Hitler in an impressive arc as he jumps past the jar holding the Brain of Hitler. The jar shatters as Sajan passes, but the Brain initially seems unharmed. Then, slowly, the top half of the Brain slides off the bottom half, betraying a perfect, razor-sharp cut that has sliced it cleanly in half.]

[Enter AMIRI, who stomps on the two halves of the Brain until nothing is left but a stain on the floor.]

---

MORGAN FREEMAN: "And thus, the trailer for the film revealed all of the major plot points in said film, along with the final results of the climactic battle scene. It was, in that respect, a fairly typical Hollywood movie trailer.

"Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go read my grocery list and make it sound like the most profound statement uttered in the history of Western civilization."

---

MOVIE-TRAILER GUY: "Star Trek, Episode VII: Age of Ultron vs. Superman.

"Retirement just got interesting."

[Everything explodes.]

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32

1 person marked this as a favorite.
ericthecleric wrote:
Hi all, good luck with the project, but can I suggest that you rename the medium class? Purple Duck Games already has a published class called the medium. To potentially avoid confusion, it might be helpful to do so!

Given the five (?) published archetypes and classes named "swashbuckler," including two swashbucklers from Paizo and one from WotC, I trust that the gaming public is savvy enough to distinguish between two classes that happen to have the same Real-World-inspired name.

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Why do the people of Golarion not permit interracial marriage?

Or does "bastard" have some archaic meaning with which I'm not familiar?

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32 , Marathon Voter 2013, Marathon Voter 2014 aka Epic Meepo

4 people marked this as a favorite.
Scarletrose wrote:
I doubt you can rework your cool mummy variant for an adventure played in a demiplane of water.

Challenge accepted. On a demiplane of water, you might encounter...

Bog mummies: "Some mummies are created by natural processes which occur only in peat bogs."

Buoyant dead: "The desiccated corpse of this aquatic creature floats in a bubble of stale air."

Waterlogged mummies: "An inanimate mummy exposed to large amounts of water is ruined. An undead mummy exposed to large amounts of water is merely transformed..."

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32

5 people marked this as a favorite.

The globsters are all killed by the shadows, specters, wights, and wraiths that took over the world.

Also, someone threw brown mold into the Elemental Plane of Fire, turning it into the Elemental Plane of Brown Mold.

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32 , Marathon Voter 2013, Marathon Voter 2014 aka Epic Meepo

1 person marked this as a favorite.
Robert Brookes wrote:
I had presumed most people would go that route, and decided to...

First rule of Superstar designer commentary: Don't post any Superstar designer commentary until voting is closed.

Second rule of Superstar designer commentary: Don't post any Superstar designer commentary until voting is closed.

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32 , Marathon Voter 2013, Marathon Voter 2014 aka Epic Meepo

3 people marked this as a favorite.
Jacob Trier wrote:
Mark D Griffin wrote:
That's probably something that will happen after round 2 is over, or at least after the submission deadline.
What Mark said. It is perfectly all right to make and post a monster, but out of respect for the Top 32, wait until after their round 2 entries have been revealed.

Actually, you should wait until Round 2 voting is finished. Otherwise, you'll have some voters comparing and contrasting Top 32 monsters to monsters that aren't even in the competition, possibly to the detriment of one or more contestants. ("Why should I vote for Top 32 monster #3? Also-ran monster #7 clearly proves that there's a better mechanical way to pull off that monster's concept?")

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32 , Marathon Voter 2013, Marathon Voter 2014 aka Epic Meepo

2 people marked this as a favorite.

Overall, I particularly liked 99 items, of which roughly half were in the Top 100. From these, I selected the list appearing below. Exactly half of these selected items were in the Top 100. Of those that were in the Top 100, roughly half were in the Top 32. In other words, my picks this year are exactly as predictive as picks made by a random number generator.

Here are some of the items I liked this year:

Epic Meepo's Top 16:

Choker of the Siphoning Scorpion
Chrysalis Vial
Cleats of Unsubtle Entrance
Deck of the Hellwasp's Sting
Driftwood Token
Gloves of the Dread Viper
Gloves of the Sentimental Dead
Ironmorph Dust
Jar of Imprisoned Echoes
Jingasa of Steadfast Defense
Shawl, Spell-Mirror
Tactician's Go-Ke
Thumb-Heeled Boots
Treestrider’s Satchel
Turban of Psychic Resonance
Water Rat Pouch

Epic Meepo's Next 16:

Amulet of Reverse Incantation
Charlatan's Symbol
Gauntlet of Earth Shattering and Elevating
Glaring Mask
Groundbreaker Cloak
Horned Helm of the Wild Stag
Hostess' Earrings
Ice Rime Gloves
Pouch of Miraculous Seeds
Rope of the Arena
Sewing Form of the Steel Seamstress
Soul’s Visage
Spellsnaring Canvas
Troll Hide Bandages
Tsunami Sash
Wardstone Bracers

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32 , Marathon Voter 2013, Marathon Voter 2014 aka Epic Meepo

5 people marked this as a favorite.

Epic Meepo, Superstar 2009 Top 16, Superstar 2012 Top 32, Superstar 2013 Top 89, Superstar 2014 Top 100

Other contestants need to stop improving every year. I keep sliding lower in the standings. :P

Edit: I was really worried I wouldn't make it into the Top 100, given the fact that Anthony Adam posted a butterfly-themed sample item on the forums (even going so far as to call out "chrysalis" as a cool word). I also know from the Incessant Ramble thread that at least one Marathon Voter was consistently down-voting all potion-related items.

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32 , Marathon Voter 2013, Marathon Voter 2014 aka Epic Meepo

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Don't let it go to your head. That invite applies to all MVP Anthony Adams (plural). :P

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32 , Marathon Voter 2013, Marathon Voter 2014 aka Epic Meepo

2 people marked this as a favorite.

Well, it's not a forum tag, but...

Fans of Anthony Adam should carefully read the OP in this year's Guildhall thread. You'll notice that I have used my powers as the official Guildhall proprietor to acknowledge Anthony's contributions to this contest. :)

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32 , Marathon Voter 2013, Marathon Voter 2014 aka Epic Meepo

2 people marked this as a favorite.
Jacob W. Michaels wrote:
Congratulations, everyone! Looking forward to an exciting run!

You won't have to split the Jacob vote this year. :)

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32 , Marathon Voter 2013, Marathon Voter 2014 aka Epic Meepo

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Nine more items added. (I didn't preserve any all-caps formatting in those item names.)

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