Well! A certain four and a half year old girl had a trip on a train, a trip on a subway, a long walk through downtown Frankfurt, and then a trip to the zoo. Her favorite thing: the flamingos. (because they're pink.) Also good: getting a two-scoop ice cream cone all to herself to eat as slowly as she liked; bats (not scary! really!); ring seals; and baby crocodiles. Also, the lady at the hotel desk gave her a lollipop and a little bouncy ball.
The day ended with pizza and french fries and reading a book. And then she slept for eleven and a half hours, straight.
He steps up to the old man 5' if needed and slashes downward with the scimitar, inspired by the ragged halfling's words.
As noted, a scimitar is only d6, not d8. But it doesn't really matter, because you still do a crazy $&8#load of damage on a crit. Poor old Bag'o'Bones had many virtues, but high hp were not among them -- 5d4+2d8 and no Con bonus doesn't leave much.
Jax suddenly lunges forward and stabs the old man in the throat. Electricity arcs and sparks around both of them; the old man's wild mane of hair stands out in all directions as he writhes and spasm. Then he collapses: clearly and utterly dead.
a nat 1 on the Forgery roll! I'd say this means that Jax made a really stupid, obvious mistake: he has misspelled Lord Kirkmonte's name. Just as the Commander takes the paper, Jax realizes it. He watches in horror as the Commander begins to read, lips moving a little...
...and, hey, the Commander also rolled a nat 1! D'oh. I'd say that means he's a weak speller: he goes right past the mistake and never notices it.
Let's try doing this: instead of an extended conversation with Yngvi (fun, but could continue for days), give a short list of things you really want to know about. Note that you've already gotten a pretty solid infodump at 5258, above. So it's possible that Yngvi may not know that much more of use. But anyway, come up with a few points of inquiry and we'll resolve them and move on.
Also: Yngvi is evil, but he's kind of a lame, pathetic evil -- he's a small-time bully, a schemer, a liar, and above all a toady. You can decide how you respond to this. I suspect that (for instance) Sir Edmin's instinctive reaction to Yngvi would be something like "Stay out of my way or I'll break every bone in your body". But other possible reactions might vary from "You're disgusting and I look forward to murdering you" to "Wow, what a great minion! I'd love to have a second-in-command like this. Really a shame we have to kill you, man. I do feel bad about that."
"Now, before you depart, a few small items for your journey..."
If you watched the Departure of the Eighth Knot, back when, you may recall that the Cardinal gave each member of the Knot a small gift. He's now going to do so for all of you.
Unfortunately this is where I really do have to crash. See you all in 24 to 36 hours.
"Most of us gravitate to cities and courts. It would make sense, no? The First Way instructs us to pursue power, so one goes where power is to be found.
I have not read any further but at this line Irin being a rakshasa suddenly popped to mind.
Yes: I rolled a nat 20. So, despite your 10 Cha, you have the chance to hit that. It is on the table. It is, potentially, on.
Let's do this choose your own adventure style. Please select one of the following options.
A. Well, but she's obviously intoxicated. I don't think I could take advantage of her right now. I'll gently escort her to the door, and then look her up tomorrow.
Spoiler:
Did I see a "G" in your alignment? No. Dude, you're evil. Try again.
B. I can't help but notice that, hot as she is, she's also really evil. I mean, this is a woman who strangled a litter of puppies in order to make an angel cry. I find that a little off-putting, frankly.
Spoiler:
See response to "A", above. You're a servant of Asmodeus. You cut someone's throat just to satisfy your curiosity. Unless you're particularly sentimental about puppies, it's unlikely that this will bother you. Try again.
C. Umm... isn't she much higher level than me? I mean, she's gorgeous and all that, but... I'm kind of nervous about ending up as a dominated slave or a lawn ornament or something. These things don't always end well. I'm going to try to wriggle out of this. I'll try to plead incapacity from the Dead Poet attack, or something.
Spoiler:
Fair enough. Say "C" and roll a d20.
D. Is this some kind of joke? The chick with the 20-something Charisma score is macking on me and...? Seriously? And you're still talking? Why are we still talking? I hit that.
Irin's giggles go on for some time, and appear to leave her almost incapacitated. Certainly for half a minute or so she seems unable to say anything but "tell the Cardinal", "so cute!", and "shiny".
I actually rolled for this, and once again Jax's lack of a negative Cha modifier has made the difference -- in this case between a neutral reaction and a friendly one. So, the powerful NPC who is currently stoned out of her mind (or who, at least, appears to be) is taking your threat pretty well.
"Sorry, chimes." Irin opens her eyes and gives you a bright smile that seems to be focused several yards behind the back of your head. "So, pretty wiped, but I'm still thinking let you live and stuff. You're good with that, right? I'm thinking yes."
She frowns in concentration. "You were saying something about... telling the Cardinal? Hee hee hee hee." Irin is seized by what seems to be a completely authentic fit of the giggles. "Aw, hang on a sec... hee hee hee... I'm gonna need some wine... hee hee... haaah. That's adorable."
The Cardinal went through a phase where he was experimenting with different sorts of undead. This is actually a very common thing with evil clerics who reach a certain level. Most of them eventually grow out of it. Still, it goes a long way to explain why there are so damn many different sorts of undead.
-- Anyway, most of the Cardinal's experiments were not a great success. This also is typical. The obvious, easy sorts of undead have mostly been discovered already. So the usual result is that you put in a lot of work and effort and you end up with something that costs just as much as a grave knight, but isn't quite as good.
But he did come up with a couple that were both novel and interesting. This is one of them. He set it in his office as a guardian. Not because he really needs one -- the only ones who come in here are servants to clean and dust, and they're mind-controlled and also terrified of him -- but because, well, he's sort of proud of it. It's like that brushed steel paperweight you made in shop class back in high school. It's not really all that useful but, come on. You did a pretty good job on that thing. It looks cool. You're not going to throw it away.
As the Cardinal begins casting the spell, the Judge hears faint shrieks, muffled exclamations, and the beating of wings. The Sisters are gathering for their feast.
In the instant before they depart, does the Judge hear something else? Does a faint, oh so faint voice whisper a single word in his ear...?
"This is the most pathetic thing I've ever seen! What the f*+~ are you trying to do with that knife? Spread me on toast?"
"You know what your problem is? Your mommy fed you too many cupcakes while you were reading your spellbook! Yeah, that's gonna be your new name!"
"Listen up, Cupcake! Your feet should be 12 inches apart when you're stabbing someone in the neck! No! That is not 12 inches! Your boyfriend lied to you! Get those feet apart! And stop squinting! Keep your eyes open and on the target area! I don't care if a fly lands on your eyeball and takes a s#~*! You keep those eyes wide open, Cupcake!"
It would be going too far to say that the Lance Corporal is enjoying this. But if he's going to die, he's going to die like a soldier of the Host.
How do the NPCs react to Xenfal in his first day or two?
Pilkington: a sniff of disdain. Substituting one member for another means additional paperwork. That's not bad in and of itself, but the Cardinal activated you suddenly, so he had to rearrange his schedule to deal with your inprocessing. He hates that. Also, he does not approve of your hat.
Tiadora has gone away somewhere, which is a thing she does sometimes.
Zargo is nowhere to be seen. Xenfal hasn't met him yet.
The Cardinal is very pleasant, all paternal charm and welcome. He gives you a brief history of the Ninth Knot. (Four notorious criminals and a man who is mentally unusual? For Xenfal, that sounds like a family reunion.) You get the same contract as everyone else, and the same living quarters and amenities, though you won't have nearly as much time to enjoy them. (You're actually in Bref's old room, but it's been carefully scrubbed and fumigated and the goblin's few personal effects have been removed and burned, so you won't even know unless someone points it out.)
A suggestion (minor spoiler). When things start happening,
Spoiler:
that is, once the goblin attack is under way? Have Nualia make a very brief appearance -- a mysterious cloaked woman glimpsed down an alley, or some such. It should NOT be obvious that she's involved with the goblins! Say rather that she seems concerned, or that she's watching one of the PCs keenly (perhaps she makes eye contact and nods coolly).
(Why? Because Nualia gets introduced rather abruptly, and she works a lot better if the PCs have encountered her at least once before.)
Apropos of Edmin's backstory, I'm slowly coming up with answers to to the questions "Why is this character so pissed off, and at whom?" As always, it's up to the player whether this works for him.
And yes, I have some stuff in mind for other PCs. Every PC (well, every PC who wants it) should have something going on. Though the nature of that "something" may vary considerably. -- Anyway, one thing at a time. First survive this increasingly lethal sequence of tests, and then let's see.
'Privilege' is a fairly common term in discussions of inequality, whether based on sex, race, income bracket, or whatever. It's pretty much standard lingo for such topics, so whatever baggage you're experiencing is yours, not the term's.
It's a common term, but for a certain large number of guys it's just enraging. Maddening. Red flag to a bull. They hear it and rational thought just shuts down. Remember that John Scalzi article? About how "straight white guy" is the lowest difficulty setting? Here's how that article starts:
Quote:
I’ve been thinking of a way to explain to straight white men how life works for them, without invoking the dreaded word “privilege,” to which they react like vampires being fed a garlic tart at high noon. It’s not that the word “privilege” is incorrect, it’s that it’s not their word. When confronted with “privilege,” they fiddle with the word itself, and haul out the dictionaries and find every possible way to talk about the word but not any of the things the word signifies.
So, the challenge: how to get across the ideas bound up in the word “privilege,” in a way that your average straight white man will get, without freaking out about it?
Scalzi tried it by coming up with the "lowest difficulty" concept, which... you can just click through and read the article, yeah? It's not that long. But anyway, his point has been well demonstrated on this thread: a lot of white guys hear that term privilege and they just freak the f%!~ out. You can try explaining until you're blue in the face that it's not about them personally, it doesn't mean they're bad people or oppressing anyone or getting a special White Guy refund on their taxes. They process it as an insult -- a very sly and particular sort of insult. And they feel compelled to go all WHAT IS THIS PRIVILEGE and/or I AM NOT PRIVILEGED and/or THE VERY USE OF THIS TERM IS OFFENSIVE.
Look, we just had a post from a woman about how it sucks to be a woman at cons because of creepers and other sorts of odious jackassery. Does this mean you're a creeper? Are you responsible for the jackasses? Probably not! But you can still go to a con and not have to think about this crap. You literally don't have to think about it. Whereas your female gamer friend can't not think about it. Even if she manages to avoid a%**%*@s and creepers -- this time -- she's going to be aware that she's walking into a creeper-intensive venue. Sucks to be her, right? That's "privilege". It's not a benefit. It's the absence of something that sucks. And it's /nothing you personally have done/. It's just how things are.
But you can't use the P-Word without six guys jumping up and starting to post compulsively about how GUYS HAVE IT HARD TOO. This is An Internet Thing, and has been for years now. Trying to have these conversations is as close to a literally Sisyphean task as you can have without involving a hill, a boulder and the depths of Hell.
"Sure, sure. Of course." The ogre smiles broadly. "Hey, we make a pretty good team, huh?"
Judge, that being a nat 20, I'll rule that you got concentration check and pony off. Grumblejack charged, so he's used up his move. Judge, you can still take a free action.
Grabbing ONE potion is a free action -- you can grab one potion and then move 60' as a double move (not running). If one person grabs BOTH potions, then that's a move action -- you can still move 30' or take a standard and a 5'. The Judge could grab a potion. Bren, Dref and Zimu could all grab one or both potions.
Someone get that potion for Edmin. It will speed him up mightily.
"Okay."Without breaking stride Grumblejack angles his run so that he is charging straight towards the cabinet. As he does so, he swings the Judge around in front of him to take the brunt of the impact.
WHAM! 1d20 ⇒ 20
Nat 20! Sweet!
The wood gives way as Grumblejack slams the Judge's head through the front of the cabinet. The Judge takes 1d4 + 5 ⇒ (4) + 5 = 9 points of damage. Grumblejack pulls the bleeding, gasping Judge back. The door of the cabinet, utterly shattered, falls away in splinters. Inside, you can see two sturdy glass vials gleaming, one red and one blue.
Grumblejack beams. His earlier surliness has completely disappeared; he is obviously in a good mood now, and quite pleased with himself. "Hey, look, they're not broken or nothin'!"
This is a potentially fascinating thread that keeps getting derailed by guys complaining that "men have it hard TOO!"
Guys: that's not what this thread is about. Please, please stop. I'm really interested in what Ms. Price has to say, and in the handful of commenters who actually want to engage with her. There aren't enough women in this industry -- I think we can all agree on that, right? So when a thoughtul, articulate woman shows up and starts writing thoughtful, articulate, insightful material on her experiences, complete with some analysis and concrete suggestions for improving, things, I'd really like to hear more. Not another round of "but I'm a white guy, and my life is HARD!" That, I can get anywhere on the internet.
Please. Either engage with her, or go away and start another thread.
Apropos of nothing, here's a piece I wrote a while back on an erinyes variant.
-- This really is apropos of nothing. Nobody you've met -- yet -- is one of the Habbalah. This is not mission critical information! At the moment it's just a bit of campaign backstory.
The Habbalah:
It's canon that some erinyes are fallen angels, or descended from same. The Habbalah take that a step further. They're erinyes who believe that they are still, in fact, angels. They're still fighting for Law, and -- they think -- they're still fighting for Good. They're just doing it with the gloves off. Heaven's other servants have fatally crippled the war effort with foolish, liberal notions of "mercy", "tolerance", "kindness" and "redemption". The Habbalah know that there can be no mercy in the endless war: no slacking, no questioning, no hesitation, no pity. Others may think they have "fallen", but the Habbalah know the truth: that they are actually Heaven's purest and most dedicated servants. And they're carrying the battle forward from the most dangerous advanced position of all... Hell itself.
This is, of course, completely nuts. And the Habbalah are all, every last one of them, insane. The typical Habbalah is a psychopathically fanatic paranoid narcissist, utterly convinced of her own goodness and righteousness as she carves a path of death, torture and terror through the planes of creation. A typical Habbalah will focus on a single sin or type of wickedness -- lust, say, or greed. Then she'll set herself to destroying the sin by destroying, torturing, or damning the sinners. And in the eyes of the Habbalah, pretty much everyone is a sinner. Committed the sin? Guilty. Thought about committing the sin? Guilty. Failed to actively seek out those who commit the sin? Guilty. Been a victim? Accessory before the fact -- you must have invited it. Guilty. Weakness is a vice that must be punished and purged without remorse. If you're not joining the struggle against evil, you are objectively pro-evil. We are the sword and the arm of righteousness. You're either wholeheartedly with us, right now, or you're against us.
The Habbalah live in Hell and serve Asmodeus. Of course, in their minds, that doesn't mean they're damned! No. The very suggestion is grossly offensive. Working for the Lord of Lies is just a temporary expedient, an extended tactical maneuver in the long struggle. Sure, he's an enemy, but this is how they can get the freedom of action they need. Think of a cop who goes undercover as a drug dealer so that he can gun down rival drug dealers. Even if he's dealing drugs and obeying a drug kingpin's orders, it's a net positive, right? The ends justify the means. One day Heaven will understand.
And what does Hell think of all this? Well, Asmodeus thinks it's great. The Habbalah are among the few servants of darkness that can consistently bring a smile -- a dark, terrible smile -- to his face. He is downright fond of the Habbalah, and there are several in his court.
As for other devils? They recognize that the Habbalah are mad, of course. But this is Hell. The measurement of success is not sanity, but efficiency. And the Habbalah, fanatics all, tend to be very, very good at their jobs. Also, they're incredibly tenacious at holding grudges, even by the standards of Hell. Telling a Habbalah that it's actually a fallen angel is an unforgivable insult that will earn the creature's undying and relentless enmity. It's generally not worth the trouble.
The Habbalah love disguising themselves as angels. (Because, of course, to them it's not a disguise.) If challenged, they are fiendishly good at coming up with excuses for discrepancies. This aura of evil? I'm still contaminated by my long sojourn in the flaming Pit. These innocents I've killed? I had no choice -- they were in the way -- necessary collateral damage in the service of the greater good. The paladin I cut down? Was about to fall -- looking into his heart, I saw the worm at work, and struck before he could be transformed into a champion of evil. Asmodeus enjoys turning them loose on the material plane, where they build and encourage organizations that do evil in the name of good. If a kingdom is launching a "pre-emptive" war against a neighbor, or a church is torturing and executing heretics "to protect the souls of the innocent"... could be there's a Habbalah at work.
Note that the Habbalah are insane, not stupid. Attempts to fool or trick them into recognizing their true status are unlikely to succeed. Making that happen would require the equivalent of at least a Wish or Miracle -- and even then, it's not clear what would happen. A redeemed, new-fledged angel? Or a devil that's just become an insanely enraged suicide bomb? You try it, I'll watch from over here.
(In game terms, you can quickly turn an ordinary erinyes into a Habbalah simply by giving it the Madness SQ -- that's the one where you use Charisma instead of Wisdom for saves -- and then using the Advanced template. However, most Habbalah have class levels; the nature of their madness is such that they've undergone rigorous Darwinian selection.)
Grumblejack does not attempt to jump -- he simply plows through the muddy water, dragging the Judge behind him. In fact, he seems to make a point of dragging the Judge through the water. Judge, you emerge soaking wet and rather muddy.
On the plus side, it washed off the blood and vomit. Also, now that you've been cut by a loathsome undead, have succumbed to violent nausea, and have been pulled hard through muddy water? Grumblejack seems noticeably less cranky. He has stopped muttering darkly in Giantish. In fact, he's smiling just a little.
What balances Color Spray is the extra-short range. Otherwise, it's brutal -- one of the best spells for a low-level wizard.
Yes, some things are immune to it, but at low levels not many. Unless you're facing a tomb full of zombies and skeletons, you'll pretty much always find something to zap with it. DC 14-16 Will save means most monsters of CR 3 or lower have a less than 50% chance of saving. For that matter, so do most low level PCs. I just recently came ooooh, so close to TPKing my low-level players when a wizard with Color Spray shut down half the party with a gesture. (Close but not quite... I'll try harder next time.) Players hate to have this cast at them, which suggests to me that yes, it's actually pretty good.
Again, the special short range balances it. The wizard has to step up and put his precious, squishy self within 15' of trouble. But if trouble has already shown up anyway -- thug in an alley, half a dozen gibbering goblins encircling the party, whatever -- Color Spray is your very special friend.
As the door shuts behind you, Irin is taking another slow pull from the narghili. Her eyes are closed, and her expression is one of exquisite boredom.
Jax and Zimu:
You know that thing where you walk into a room and you're like, wait, why did I walk into this room? You're going to have that feeling from time to time over the next few days.
If you survive this test: writing utensils, madness and, just possibly, the absence of cheese. But we'll get to that.
Which is like regular Mardi Gras only in triplicate and more efficient.
We live in a small town. Fasching is Mardi Gras, and Faschingsumzug (yeah, that's a word) is the Mardi Gras parade. Every local group from the running club to the plumbers' local union to the high school hockey team does some sort of float or... something. Lots and lots of people in costumes. There's a nice tradition of throwing candy into the crowd, where kids can scramble for it. (The kids bring bags.) It's small-town stuff, but people put a lot of effort into it, and it's fun.
Speaking of small towns, here's a brief anecdote.
Brief and kind of pointless anecdote about small town life:
So my wife is a professional photographer. Mostly she does families and kids. Last week she did a nice shoot of a young woman with a little girl; the woman wanted a set of really nice pictures as a surprise birthday gift for her husband. When my wife works on photos, she really works on them, so for several days I've been seeing images of this woman and her pretty toddler on my wife's screen.
The woman got to see a slideshow of the best shots a couple of days ago. She was so delighted that she ordered a bunch of prints (not cheap!) for family and friends. And then she took my wife aside and said, you know, these turned out so well... for a while now, I've been thinking I might surprise my husband with some nice photographs that are a bit, you know... racy. Is that something you could do?
(The professional term for this sort of thing is "boudoir photography" and there's a fairly large sub-industry devoted to it. It ranges from "Here's a nice picture of me in my new teddy" through "And now I'm leaning way back in the special saddle and letting the ice cream drip everywhere" to "for these, you'll want the special album with the biometric lock and the self-destruct sequence".)
It's not my wife's thing, but what the hey: a client's a client, and it's always good to try new things. So, she's been browsing pages with titles like "F-stops, shutter speed and very flimsy clothing" and "Nipples, focal length, and you". (No, honey, of course I'm not looking over your shoulder. Just... really? I had no idea.)
Meanwhile: I just ran into this same woman, the client, at the Faschingsumzug today. We said hello. She had her little girl with her. And I was just about to say: "Hi, your daughter is just as pretty as in her pictures! Oh yes, I've seen a lot of her lately, ha ha!" When at the last possible instant my brain intervened -- good save there brain, thanks -- grabbed my vocal chords, and shut me up. Because what she would have *heard* would have been, "Hi, I'm your photographer's creepy husband! Next week I'll be looking at lots of pictures of you in your underwear! Hur, hur, hurrrr!"
So I smiled and gave a little wave and suddenly got very interested in my own daughter's jacket (she keeps unzipping it) and kept walking.
The raks are an ancient, wise and cunning race. They despise organized relgion. So much the more reason (one would think) for them to have a well-developed system of philosophy. But what would it look like?
Given the raks' thematic roots in the Indian subcontinent, I think it might look a little like Buddhism. Except Buddhism turned inside out. Let's call it the Threefold Way.
The Great Truth: nothing is as important as the Self. The universe exists as a setting, a challenge and a reward for the Self.
The First Way: Power. Philosophically, this is defined as "the Self turned outwards, against and over the universe". Domination over others, control over one's environment. Since the universe is recalcitrant, cruelty, trickery and terror are necessarily part of the First Way. Knowledge and learning are also part of the First Way, but only insofar as they lead towards greater power. (Raks are a pragmatic race, not generally big on abstract knowledge.)
The Second Way: Discipline. This is defined as "the Self turned inwards, dominating and controlling itself". Hierarchy. Training. Honor (in the twisted legalistic rakshasa keep-the-letter, kill-the-spirit sense of the word.) Routine. Self-discipline. The raks are a lawful race, and creatures of habit. Self-control is central to their philosophy. If you're just doing as you please, you're a demon or something. You can't dominate the universe around you properly unless you've first dominated yourself.
The Third Way: Pleasure. The Self has needs! They must be fulfilled. Good food. Rich, fine possessions. Sex. Art. Drugs. More sex. Music. More drugs. Wine. Raks are hedonists. Pleasure is necessarily going to be part of their philosophy. Pleasure is the Self expressing itself.
These aren't like the Three Laws of Robotics; each Way is equal to the others, and a well-adjusted rakshasa will follow all three. It's possible to emphasize one a bit more than the others, but never to the point of letting it dominate one's life. So, while raks are hedonists, one almost never sees an obese rakshasa, or one that has become helplessly addicted to drugs or alcohol; that would be elevating the Third Way over the Second. And while rakshasas often take monk levels, you don't see ascetic raks who devote their lives to physical and mental perfection; that would represent an excess of devotion to the Second Way at the expense of the other two.
(This is part of why raks and devils often don't get along. Devils have their pleasures -- torturing damned souls, corrupting the innocent, and so forth -- but those pleasures are always subordinated to their goals. From a rak's POV, devils have put the Third Way in a wrong and inferior position, beneath the other two. So, while raks acknowledge that devils have many admirable qualities, at the end of the day they find them rather stunted and sad.)
Anyway, rakshasa philosophy: sensual, violent, and utterly selfish.
There are a few old school players in my real life gaming group that meets once a month and one of them said he prefers the game with no grid maps or minis, I would not know how to keep track of everything.
I'm that same old school guy. I'll use a wipe-map for complex tactical situations if I must, but really my first choice is nothing -- no game maps, no minis. Just dice and the inside of your head.
(That said, before the end of this module I'll have to break down and start mapping. No question.)
Irin examines the new layout. She has put the wine glass down, and her hands are flat on the table, on either side of the cards.
"The Tyrant and the Beating together, in that position, make the Cruel Master. Yes. He's the one. Over here are his people, and... he has a captive. The Theater and the Publican. Ugh. The captive is trouble, either way. Let's see..." Once again, she stares at the cards without moving or speaking for a long time.
Then, she speaks. Her voice has gone low and soft, and that guttural, singsong accent is much more strongly marked.
Departure by water. The Cruel Master. The Cruel Master is violent and ruthless. Greed drives him, and blood follows behind. The Cruel Master is a master of men. See, they stand around him. In war they will stand before him, for they fear him more than any enemy. The Cruel Master holds a captive. The captive is cunning, but his cunning serves him not. The captive speaks sweet words, but no words will free him. Do not let the captive see you clearly. Free, he can help you. Free, he is more dangerous than the Master. The Cruel Master has made a bargain with the sea. Many men think they have done this; he truly has. If he stands in or on sea water, he will not die easily. The Cruel Master is no fool. He is suspicious and will not easily be gulled. The Cruel Master is stronger than you. If you meet him in open battle, one or more of you will die.
What then must you do? The Cruel Master has made bargain with the powers of the deep. On land he is weaker. The Cruel Master is surrounded by his men. Separate him from his allies, or find allies of your own. The Cruel Master is suspicious, but greed rules him. By greed may you trick or trap him.
Kill him quickly. The longer you fight him, the more likely one of you will die.
Irin snaps her fingers again. The decanter lifts itself and pours a single glass of wine.
"You mentioned that time is an issue? Well, here's a true fact: a white needs just a few moments in the decanter. Don't trust people who make a big fuss about decanting a white. Whites don't need to breathe like reds do. Unless the white is very old and complex, it's just not that big a thing."
She holds the glass under her nose for a moment and breathes deeply. "Mmm... call me a traditionalist. Red for meat dishes, sex, torture, nightmares, pain, blasting magic, domination, terror and strong cheeses. White for fish, chicken, despair, flirtations, divinations, illusions, salty snacks, and the more delicate forms of mental manipulation.
"Of course there are exceptions -- a light, tannic red can go very well with fish, especially if it's grilled, while a sweet, heavy white can be a perfectly pleasant accompaniment to a brisk bout of torture. And when you get right down to it, good sex goes with everything." She takes a sip, eyes still closed.
"But red with divination is, and always will be, tacky."
Infernal avoids evidentials as a grammatical tool. There are several words that serve as adverbial evidential markers; "I have it on the highest authority" is two words in Infernal, while "it is a truth generally known, that" is just one. These are, of course, regularly used to mislead or to outright lie.
Celestial, on the other hand, is quite strongly evidentiary. Vocabulary, grammar and usage all point towards clearly defining what is true. You can lie in Celestial, but you have to work a bit to say something misleading.
Many Infernals can speak Celestial, but they find it almost painfully unpleasant. A language with only one word for torture but dozens of words for fine gradations of "charity", "mercy" and "forgiveness"? A language with a Consensual Mood, entire tenses devoted to statements of optimism and joy, and a grammatical case for nouns of benevolence and kindness? A conversation in Celestial leaves most devils wanting a brain-rinse afterwards, or at least a couple of stiff drinks and a good round of minion-kicking.
The foregoing may have given the impression that Infernal is a very precise language that does not admit of ambiguity or nuance. Not quite. Individual words do indeed have very precise and clearly defined meanings. But Infernal grammar allows a skilled user to be very ambiguous indeed.
For instance: Infernal, like English, has a number of verbal moods -- the indicative, the subjunctive, and so forth. But infernal has a number of moods that English lacks; while English has just one imperative mood, Infernal has three, and it also has a mood of menace. Using the mood of menace can dramatically transform a statement. Consider the sentence "Come with us, Bob. The boss wants to have a little talk with you." If the verb wants is conjugated in the mood of menace, then Bob has every reason to be nervous about the upcoming interview.
However, the simple indicative and the mood of menace both take the same form when placed in the conditional. So if you want to be ambiguous about whether a statement is a threat or not -- i.e., you want Bob nervous, but not so nervous he bolts and runs -- you just say "Bob, if you have a moment, the boss would like a word." The if/would conditionality eliminates the distinction between the two moods, and Bob is left guessing.
Infernal is full of these sorts of things; they're a feature, not a bug. So a fluent and intelligent speaker can find all kinds of ways to blur motivations, intentions, and facts.
Words for relationships present particular problems for the translator. Infernal actually has several grammatical systems devoted to defining relationships. Unfortunately, their scope is very narrow. For example, there's a whole set of enclitics that help define your relationship to someone; instead of just saying "Bob", you can say "Bob-ul", "Bob-lah", "Bob-ek", and so forth. These enclitics add meaning: "Bob, who I hate", "Bob, who I fear", "Bob, who is my rival and who I am planning to kill", and so forth. There are a lot of these enclitics, but they pretty much all boil down to some variation on hatred, fear, contempt ("Bob, my slave"), malicious amusement ("Bob, that fool") or grudging respect ("Bob, my boss").
As for translating relationships the other way, let's consider... oh, "sex", "friendship", and "love".
You know how many languages have genders and declensions for nouns? (English doesn't, but German, Russian and Latin all do.) In human languages, gender and declension are often random -- like, in German, the knife is neuter, the fork is female, and the spoon is male. In Infernal, the declensions have meanings: there's a declension of violence that includes nouns of violence, a declension of treachery, a declension of deceit, etc. There are several words for sexual actions in Infernal, but they're all in the declensions of violence or deceit. The English word would translate as "nonviolent sex without trickery", and you'd need to use a prefix or an adverb to get that across.
"Friendship" is even worse. There's a transitive verb for "acting friendly towards someone", and you can use a suffix to turn it into a noun: "the act of behaving in a friendly manner". But it automatically takes the declension of treachery. "Friend" doesn't translate well either; the closest you can get is "comrade in arms" or "long-term ally", modified by the enclitic that indicates "who I don't (yet) have a reason to hate".
As for "love"... well, in Infernal, transitive verbs of action that take a person as the direct object can take two forms, active and passive. Here's an example. In English, you can say "Alice murdered Bob" (active) or "Bob was murdered by Alice" (passive). In Infernal, "was murdered by" is a single word. You switch from passive to active (attack/was attacked by, eat/was eaten by) by adding or removing a single syllable. So, the English sentence "I must go now to be beaten by my master"? In Infernal, that's just four words.
With me so far? Okay, there's also a prefix for verbs that indicates choice or volition. So you can say "I run" or "I eat", or you can add the prefix and say "I choose to run" or "I decide to eat".
Right, well: there's a verb that means "to degrade, abase, or humilate". Love, in Infernal, is the passive form of that verb with the prefix of volition. So, "I love Alice" would translate as "I have chosen to be abased, degraded or humiliated by Alice".
Yes, verbal conjugation and nominal declension are very strict. Absolutely strict. There are no irregular verbs in Infernal. None. It's a language governed by rules with no exceptions. Very, very complicated rules -- but rules.
There's a Hellish equivalent of the Academie Francaise that maintains the strict purity of the language. No neologism is acceptable as good Infernal until and unless it's approved by them. But every now and then they'll promulgate a rule change -- adverbs of motion now come before the verb, not after -- and everyone must start speaking this way at once. It's unclear if there's ever a reason for these changes, or if Asmodeus is just amusing himself.
There is indeed a high degree of artificiality in Infernal. Asmodeus made it up, after all, after his departure from Heaven. In some cases, he drew on Celestial; many Infernal words and roots are twisted mockeries of Celestial originals. Most, though, are completely arbitrary. Asmodeus finds that fitting; you pick something arbitrary, right at the start, and then you rigidly impose it forever.
Infernal is very, very rich in honorifics. Choosing the correct honorific is a major social minefield. If you choose one that's too weak -- like addressing the Ice Devil as "Great Fearsome Lord" instead of "Most Fearsome Lord", for instance -- it's an insult. Choosing one that's too strong is just as bad, because it forces the recipient to correct you. Instruction in Infernal spends a lot of time on this.
There are a lot of humilifics -- words to indicate low status -- as well. They're not quite as dangerous as the honorifics, but they're not without risk, either. If you say to a senior devil, "your obedient servant greets you" instead of "your obedient and humble servant greets you", you're risking at best a sharp rebuke. At worst, the devil may ask you to demonstrate that you deserve the promotion you've just given yourself.
Abyssal grammar is very different. Lots of irregular verbs. (Actually, pretty much all the verbs are irregular.) On the other hand, it's an agglutinative language that allows a clever user to generate all kinds of neat neologisms on the fly.
YMMV, but I imagine Abyssal as sounding rather slobbery, with lots glottal stops and labials and plosives. The vowel sounds tend to be long and drawn out. It sounds arrhythmic and gurgly. It's a great language for gloating, for evil monologues, and for mad, howling raving at the moon.
Infernal is all complex vowels, harsh gutturals and fricatives, hisses and clicks. Good spoken Infernal is staccato and rapidfire. You know the South African language with all the clicky sounds? Imagine that being barked by a senior Prussian officer in an SS uniform.
Most mortals find Infernal unpleasant to listen to, but if you're Lawful Evil you may well fall in love with its precision and its power. Sometimes you just need a language with eight different ways to say "flay alive" and entire grammatical declensions devoted to violence, treachery and deceit.
I don't understand (1). Status higher than than "you"? I'm very confused.
"You" = the person spoken to. A third person pronoun involves three people, right? The speaker, the person spoken to, and the person spoken about. In this case, the inscription is implying that (1) the person who wrote the inscription was higher status than the reader, and (2) the "she" mentioned in the inscription, whoever "she" is, is also higher status than the reader. If this seems kind of arrogant and obnoxious, right, exactly.
(There are actually RW languages that do something very like this.)
In my PBP campaign, the PCs recently found an inscription in Infernal that reads: "She is not allowed to lie." They were puzzling over it, and one player pointed out that "lie" has two or more meanings. That prompted the following:
In Infernal, that verb has a very specific meaning. (Otherwise, you can guess what would happen.)
She = intelligent female-gender, status presumed higher than you the listener/reader (1)
cannot = as with English, there's a bit of ambiguity in this verb: it can mean either "is incapable of" or "is not permitted to". The "not permitted" connotation is stronger than in English, though. Like, if an Infernal speaker were to say "you cannot cross the street when the light is red"? It would carry the implication that jaywalking is punishable by amputation or worse.
lie = are you surprised to know that Infernal includes many, many different words for "lie"? (2) The one used here means "to willfully and knowingly speak, write, or otherwise communicate a falsehood." This particular Infernal verb is very precise, and quite deliberately does not include incomplete truths, omissions, or statements that are deliberately misleading, as long as what is actually said or otherwise communicated is the truth.
(1) Infernal pronouns vary depending on the status of the speaker relative to the status of the listener. So, "I" and "you" have four versions each -- higher status to lower, lower to higher, equal status, and status-neutral (used when the relationship is not yet clear). Infernal third-person pronouns can have *ten* forms each for various possible combinations of speaker, listener, and person discussed. This form implies that the writer or speaker is higher status than you, and so is "she", whoever "she" is.
(2)Infernal also has a number of verbs for "telling the truth". Most of them translate as "tell a half truth", "tell a misleading truth", "tell a truth calculated to distract an enemy or cause despair", and the like. There is a verb that translates as "tell the whole truth, clearly and plainly". It carries a very negative connotation and is usually used only in the context of torture, mocking a defeated enemy, beating information out of a captive or inferior, or judicial procedure. (3)
(3) The Infernal words for "torture", "mocking a defeated enemy", "beating information out of a captive or inferior", and "judicial procedure" are all derived from the same root.
Grumblejack is NE, which means he's self-centered and not particularly loyal to the PCs. He's sticking with them because they've treated him well and they seem to be winning, but if he gets a better offer, he'll consider it.
While he is with them, though, he follows their lead. He prefers to solve problems with violence -- i.e., when the PCs met young Timeon, he was disgruntled that they decided to try charming him instead of torturing him. But in his mind, they're in charge (for now), so he accepted it.
Otherwise, Grumblejack is a fairly straightforward character with simple motivations: he likes eating, sleeping, sex (not with human women, thank goodness -- anybody under six and a half feet tall is just too scrawny -- but he's hoping to meet some "orc chicks"), and smashing things. He's smarter than most ogres, so he'll occasionally surprise the party with a useful comment or insight. Oh, and he gets very pleased with himself when he kills something.
Infernal is very, very rich in honorifics. Choosing the correct honorific is a major social minefield. If you choose one that's too weak -- like addressing the Ice Devil as "Great Fearsome Lord" instead of "Most Fearsome Lord", for instance -- it's an insult. Choosing one that's too strong is just as bad, because it forces the recipient to correct you. Instruction in Infernal spends a lot of time on this.
Words for relationships present particular problems for the translator. Let's consider... oh, "sex", "friendship", and "love".
You know how many languages have genders and cases for nouns? English doesn't, but German, Russian and Latin all do? In human languages, gender and case are often random -- like, in German, the knife is neuter, the fork is female, and the spoon is male. In Infernal, the cases have meanings: there's a case of violence that includes nouns of violence, a case of treachery, a case of deceit, etc. There are several words for "sex" in Infernal, but they're all in the cases of violence or deceit. The English word would translate as "consensual sex without trickery", and you'd need to use a prefix or an adverb to get that across.
"Friendship" is even worse. There's a transitive verb for "acting friendly towards someone", and you can use a particle to turn it into a noun: "the act of behaving in a friendly manner". But it automatically takes the case of treachery. "Friend" doesn't translate well either; the closest you can get is "comrade in arms" or "long-term ally", modified by the particle that indicates "that I don't (yet) have a reason to hate".
As for "love"... well, in Infernal transitive verbs of action that take a person as the direct object can take two forms, active and passive. Here's an example. In English, you can say "Alice murdered Bob" (active) or "Bob was murdered by Alice" (passive). In Infernal, "was murdered by" is a single word. You switch from passive to active (attack/was attacked by, eat/was eaten by) by adding or removing a single syllable. So, the English sentence "I must go now to be beaten by my master"? In Infernal, that's just four words.
With me so far? Okay, there's also a prefix for verbs that indicates choice or volition. So you can say "I run" or "I eat", or you can add the prefix and say "I choose to run" or "I decide to eat".
Right, well: there's a verb that means "to degrade, abase, or humilate". Love, in Infernal, is the passive form of that verb with the prefix of volition. So, "I love Alice" would translate as "I have chosen to be abased, degraded or humiliated by Alice".
In Infernal, that verb has a very specific meaning. (Otherwise, you can guess what would happen.)
Infernal speakers only:
She = intelligent female-gender, status presumed higher than you the listener/reader (1)
cannot = as with English, a bit of ambiguity in this verb; can mean either "is incapable of" or "is not permitted to". The "not permitted" connotation is stronger than in English, though. Like, if an Infernal speaker were to say "you cannot cross the street when the light is red"? It would carry the implication that jaywalking is punishable by amputation or worse.
lie = are you surprised to know that Infernal includes many, many different words for "lie"? (2) The one used here means "to willfully and knowingly speak, write, or otherwise communicate a falsehood." This particular Infernal verb is very precise, and quite deliberately does not include incomplete truths, omissions, or statements that are deliberately misleading, as long as what is actually said or otherwise communicated is the truth.
(1) Infernal pronouns vary depending on the status of the speaker relative to the status of the listener. So, "I" and "you" have four versions each -- higher status to lower, lower to higher, equal status, and status-neutral (used when the relationship is not yet clear). Infernal third-person pronouns can have *ten* forms each for various possible combinations of speaker, listener, and object. This form implies that the writer or speaker is higher status than you, and so is "she", whoever "she" is.
(2)Infernal also has a number of verbs for "telling the truth". Most of them translate as "tell a half truth", "tell a misleading truth", "tell a truth calculated to distract an enemy or cause despair", and the like. There is a verb that translates as "tell the whole truth, clearly and plainly". It carries a very negative connotation and is usually used only in the context of torture, mocking a defeated enemy, beating information out of a captive or inferior, or judicial procedure. (3)
(3) The Infernal words for "torture", "mocking a defeated enemy", "beating information out of a captive or inferior", and "judicial procedure" are all derived from the same root.
