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Dicey the House Goblin's page

76 posts. Alias of Hitdice.


1 to 50 of 76 << first < prev | 1 | 2 | next > last >>

2 people marked this as a favorite.

I asked Doodles that exact question, and he just shot me right then and was all, "That was your re-education."

Don Juan de Doodlebug wrote:

[Types a four-letter word, followed by a three-letter word]

Gobbo revolution's gonna getcha, Humual!

Oh, I know, were the words "love you?"

I don't know what to tell you, Doodles. Sometimes the world is just an awful, awful place; even m'lord Dice was aghast, but sometimes it's too late to save anyone by the time it's hit the airwaves.

Scabby the Mite Scab wrote:

<crawls past the picket line>

Noooooooo ... gonna get that job ... just can't carry heavy loads now ...

Scabby, m'lord Dice would like very much to hire you as . . . wait, you can't carry heavy loads because you've been kneecapped? Well. He'll probably want to hire your relatives, provided they hold your views on unions, so that'll be at least a little money coming into the household.

Just, be warned, m'lord Dice takes a dim view of shirkers, so don't let him see you while you can't work. Also, don't hide under the veranda during your convalescence; he knows about the crawlspace, and if thinks you're down there he'll set his dogs on you and you'll just end up back at work all covered in bite marks. Trust me, it's just worth it to go back to work with half healed kneecaps the first time he finds you.

1 person marked this as a favorite.
Drejk wrote:
Comrade Anklebiter wrote:
BigDTBone wrote:
Well then... That would be my bad. On the cell phone so no mouse over :(

Welcome to the OTD, BDTB! It's a fun and welcoming place, but you have to be on the look-out for some of its more, um, colorful characters.

For example, Grand Magus (and all of his/her various avatars) who likes to make threads suggesting that the average person is much less intelligent than him/her and has a wonderfully charming habit of ending his/her posts with "Hooray for Public School!"

Then, there is this communist goblin whom we can't get rid of, no matter how much we ignore him, who likes to post links about striking proletarians and loves to yell out slogans, like,

Organize the Unorganized!
For $15/hr and a Union!
Vive le Galt!

There are gossips that goblin has some amount of troll blood somewhere in him but we hadn't confirmed if he bites (which would explain troll blood).

We may not have confirmed if he bites, but he slaps you an awful lot if you manage to work your way out of the goblin kennels to a position with the house staff . . . :(

I just got a rainbow wheel (one with NBC peacock-tail wedges; nice!) which lasted so long that I never actually watched the the story, so all I can talk about is the headline. But I agree with that headline.

M'lord Dice refuses to even acknowledge the possibility of redistribution of wealth, and while I as a stooge of the plutocracy, certainly can't endorse revolution, I will say this: socialist is no longer such a dirty word. For instance, if I was in the goblin kennels ladling out slops, and I heard two goblins discussing socialism, I would wait to hear what they thought of it, instead of just reporting them right off the bat.

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Willing stooges, Doodles, willing stooges.

In fact, Doodlebug-tono, I too am "one who serves."

Doodles, have you seen The Lives of Others? There's no full on state sanctioned execution, but it is a story about art and individuality vs the fascist state with a (somewhat) happy ending.

What's this have to do with gender roles in modern culture? Absolutely dick!

Indeed, Darst (nice avatar, btw), if your character is an over the top, freewheelin' extrovert, that's just good role-playing. I guess I'm saying a prima donna character is a whole 'nother animal from a prima donna player.

1 person marked this as a favorite.

All of the pillows in my attic garret are entirely unstained.

Hm? No, I don't know what the word "gelded" means, or understand why the term is germane to our conversation.

1 person marked this as a favorite.
Kirth Gersen wrote:
Don Juan de Doodlebug wrote:
we were still victimized by some thief who strolled through our campsite and stole my beer, my iPod, The Chronicles of Corum...
Admit it, you were so overwhelmed by the pressure to finish this volume that you engineered the theft yourself, doubtless by bribing some other wretched goblin to do the dirty work in exchange for said beer.


Samnell wrote:

It's probably worth noting that with one exception, all the major hobbit characters we see are among the shire's wealthy elite. Of course they have full larders. They can afford to pay whatever they need to for whatever they want, essentially in perpetuity. Completely aside Bilbo's share of the dragon horde, they surely had ample rents to supplement their family fortunes and secure for themselves a lifestyle much like that of, say, the British aristocracy.

We don't see the Shire farmers on the razor's edge of starvation, one famine away from deciding if their children are family or food, because such people simply don't matter to people of Frodo's class unless they're pet servants like Sam. Otherwise, they're just furniture. Maybe in bad years Frodo would toss a few scraps their way, but entirely to assuage his own conscience rather than strictly for their benefit. He's a big man, after all.

Which isn't far off from how the wealthy often view the less fortunate in any era.

What about pet servants now?

If my butt's already big, do I get a pass on the racism?

1 person marked this as a favorite.

People only mention a drug induced haze after Doodlebug has left the thread for the day? Talk about a missed opportunity!

(Bubble, bubble, bubble...)

That's three, Doodlebug!

M'lord Dice And I agree that it was, in fact, too much, but m'lady Dice said something about how "it should be enough to destroy the establishment from the inside." M'lord dice looked miffed, but I just smiled and tried my best to maintain my quiet dignity.

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Comrade Anklebiter wrote:
Dicey the House Goblin wrote:

Not to speak for Doodlebug, but I believe he's pointing out that, by the time you get promoted (through whatever means) to a high income position, your salary still doesn't match your expenses. M'lord Dice complains about this whenever he totals his ledgers.

Or, he may be saying that one high-earner can throw off the bell-curve. I've asked m'lord Dice about that, but he just laughs and laughs whenever I raise the subject.

What am I saying now, Dicey?


Well, I can't read, So I took your note to m'lord Dice, and asked him to read it. He glanced at at, and then he asked me for his reading glasses. I gave them to him, and he read your note.

And then he said ,"The line is, How you like me now?" and hit me with his shoe, again and again, and then yet again. And now I'm down in the scullery, scrubbing out pots and pans. I don't even know what I did, but take it from this goblin: Literacy hurts!

meatrace wrote:
Don Juan de Doodlebug wrote:
These jobs that pay a king's ransom nationally, they apparently pay less and less the closer they get to you.
Still not getting your point.

Not to speak for Doodlebug, but I believe he's pointing out that, by the time you get promoted (through whatever means) to a high income position, your salary still doesn't match your expenses. M'lord Dice complains about this whenever he totals his ledgers.

Or, he may be saying that one high-earner can throw off the bell-curve. I've asked m'lord Dice about that, but he just laughs and laughs whenever I raise the subject.

Comrade Anklebiter wrote:

It sounds like your players want to be, I don't know, Kapos or something. You should turn it into a social game with a lot of alignment issues, I guess? (That's the sort of junk I live for.)

1 person marked this as a favorite.
Comrade Anklebiter wrote:
Freehold DM wrote:
Paypal seems a bit far fetched, but may be I'm not getting something.

I guess what you're not getting is that just because I link something doesn't mean I think it's the same thing. Sometimes, I am just flipping through the internet and I find articles and I think, "Ooh!, I wonder if anyone on Paizo's seen this?"

So, we're talking about the AP scandal and Wikileaks obviously comes up, and I'm flipping through the internet and I find an article on the Paypal 14 and I think to myself, "Hmmm, I remember that, I wonder if anyone else on Paizo's seen that?" and I link it.

No conspiracy needed.

Btw, I have no opinion on what the Paypal 14 did or are alleged to have done because I don't understand what they did or are alleged to have done. I'll let the IT nerds duke that one out.

So you're just linking nonsense? Exactly what I'd expect from a goblin! *sniff*

Doodlebug, this is entirely the wrong thread for it (there's no right thread goblins such as ourselves), but have you watched I, Claudius? It was produced by the BBC in the mid to late seventies.

I only ask because I know you like Rome, the HBO series, and I, Claudius has at least two characters in common. You can probably get some version at your local library, but RI public television has been showing it thursday night at 10.

No, it's not ready for prime time; Yes, I watched back when I was pre-pubescent.

Comrade Anklebiter wrote:
[Peeks back in]

I will lend you a little goblin credibility, but only if you're polite in front of other goblins. :P

I may well get chastised for asking, but do you think there's room between pro-gay and pro-straight? Speaking for myself, I never saw it as a us-or-them situation.

2 people marked this as a favorite.
Comrade Anklebiter wrote:

You're next, Dice! After Terquem and all you other pig-dogs!

Huh? What, Comrade Gnomunist? Oh.

Uh, nevermind, Dice, Terquem, everybody, nothing to worry about. You can all go back to yelling at dear Sissyl. Nothing to see here.

It's too late, Doodlebug; I named names.

2 people marked this as a favorite.
Gnomunist Cultural Attaché wrote:
Comrade Anklebiter wrote:

Racists and plutocrats, you will all pay!!!

Except for Comrade Gnomunist who is quite correct that there are no copyright laws on the collective but here in the belly of the beast, in the words of Tracy Marrow,

I gotta get paid tonight, you're motherf@#+ing right
think of my grip, check my biznitch, keep my game tight.

Vive le Galt!





That's how I started out, but then m'lord Dice started feeding me his table scraps and letting me sleep on the hearth, and I was all, "Of course I want to be a stooge of the plutocracy, sleeping inside beats the hell out of the goblin-kennels."

Both Doodlebug and m'lord Dice want me to redeem myself through labor, but Doodlebug wants to give my earnings to the needy, whereas m'lord Dice gives me sips of his wine when he's feeling jolly. What would you do?

Don Juan de Doodlebug wrote:

I think all you pinkskins suck, even if your skin isn't pink.

Green pride!

Look, Doodlebug, if you've got something to say to me, you can just go ahead ahead and say it to my face, instead of trying to be subtle. . .

Don Juan de Doodlebug wrote:
FAWTL Refugees: Corrupting the morality of the youth since 2011.

Late start, dude, late start.

1 person marked this as a favorite.
Comrade Anklebiter wrote:
BigNorseWolf wrote:
bugleyman wrote:


Come on, I wanna play too!

The only way to win is not to play.

How about a nice game of chess?

Where you sacrifice "pawns" to protect your king?

More plutocratic crap.

Vive le Galt!

One time I was watching m'lord and m'lady Dice play chess, and I said "If there are so many pawns, how did the king get to be the most powerful piece?"

M'lord Dice laughed and laughed, until m'lady Dice pointed out that the Queen was the most powerful piece. She started to explain what happens when a pawn reaches the opposite side of the board, but m'lord Dice sent me to get more crackers right then.

I never did get an answer to my question. :(

1 person marked this as a favorite.

M'lord Dice doesn't truck with any form of entertainment so plebeian as the cinema; I love that junk though, especially the stories where one honorable servant remains faithful to his master.That scene in Dune, where Shadout Mapes is saved by Paul, only be killed later by the same traitor? It probably the most moving thing I've ever watched onscreen.

...What's "reading"?

Don Juan de Doodlebug wrote:
Kryzbyn wrote:
Comrade Anklebiter wrote:

Yes, because the original text was so awesome, with its black people are only worth 3/5ths as much as a white person.

F@&% the Constitution.

See, that's why you can't get laid.
Yeah, you talk to your mother today?

As Re goblin mouthiness, defense of co-works and the above: Your greatest strength is your greatest weakness, Doodlebug. They're one thing.

Some goblins know how to bow and scrape though. :)

1 person marked this as a favorite.

I can't believe I missed this thread until now.

Of course infant goblins can be rehabilitated, I'm living proof!

As to what to do with your baby goblin? M'lord dice will gladly give it a home with its own kind in the goblin-kennels, and teach it the value of hard work.

Don Juan de Doodlebug wrote:
[Strokes Dicey]

ZOMG, they'll call us Furries, but goblins have no fur, do we? Fuzzywuzzy had no fur, so fuzzywuzzy wasn't fuzzy, was he?

(Plenty of fun to be had in the Goblin Kennels.)

Don Juan de Doodlebug wrote:

Yeah, yeah, goblins have small dicks. You guys are wicked funny.

Also, btw, goblins are just the kinds of lovers where it doesn't matter how large (or small) their genitalia are. Ladies, one look into our eyes overflowing with warmth and compassion, one whisper from our high-pitched yet erotically melodious voice, one caress from our smooth and sensitive hands and you'll climax.

It's true.

That hasn't been my experience; all I have to show from your "smooth and sensitive hands" is bruises. :(

If we're worried about Cultural Marxism, will we have a Cultural HUAC?

M'lord Dice says we one to put those unwashed hippies from the Occupy Movement in their place, whatever that means. (I'm not political.)

1 person marked this as a favorite.

M'Lord Dice explained to me how the International Proletarian Socialist Bosses are, in fact, stooges of the plutocracy...

He also went into detail about something Jimmy Carter said about the Cold War increasing the foreign aid budget; I wasn't paying attention, the Pop-Tart in my mouth tasted too good!

Not to mention, you should have a character who's a faithful servant to the deposed nobility, like the fool from King Lear, but a goblin.

Did someone just say something complimentary?


I'm not allowed to vote, but m'lord Dice takes my advice "under consideration."

(His intonation, not mine.)

Edit: Look, I'm trying; I like beer. /wink (It's legal in Colorado.)

M'lord Dice has explained it to me that there proletarian workers and un-proletarian workers. Only the truly un-proletarian deserve the rank of house-goblin.

He hits me whenever I open my mouth. :(

Comrade Anklebiter wrote:

Citizen X, you can look at the other thread to see which arguments I've already used. Or you can reinvent the wheel, your call.

Lord Dice wrote:
And this is why Doodlebug has more of an effect on politics by handing out commie newspapers, and not voting, than any of us who think posting on RPG message boards is a game-changer.
Vive le Galt!: The Musical Interlude

Look, never mind your attribution, I'm pretty sure it was Dicey that said that.

Comrade Anklebiter wrote:

Or they could have f+&~ed up.

The CIA isn't infallible.

You keep talking like that, and m'lord Dice just might promote you to house goblin; you get the position by beating your underlings and forgiving your betters. :)

Edit: Times two! It's nice and warm sleeping in the kitchen, and you get eat the table scraps!

Comrade Anklebiter wrote:

[Peeks back in and puts down Billy Bathgate]

There are lots of things going on here, Plutocrat.

** spoiler omitted **...

But it's working within the system that gives me the opportunity to short-sheet m'lord Dice's bed! Which goblin do I point at when he discovers my mischief? No comment.

1 person marked this as a favorite.

...I heard HoustonDerek is totally addicted to Fox News.

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Comrade Anklebiter wrote:
thejeff wrote:

So just to set the record straight: Do you believe the president is a natural born stooge of the plutocracy?
Yes. Yes, I do.

M'lord Dice says that if it weren't for plutocrats, we never would have had any Presidents to begin with. He also pointed out that things went south when we opened the vote to non-landowners, because they aren't really invested in the state of the country. Then I said I thought that allowing any vote at all was the problem. M'lord Dice said, "You're learning, Dicey, you're learning."

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You're embarrassing yourself, Doodlebug! Pull your pants up!

M'lord DIce would says all the goblin agitators should rest on their laurels while watching Glenn Beck rather than work to effect change on the Dice estate, or even just in the goblin kennels.

Tels wrote:
The Thing from Beyond the Edge wrote:
doctor_wu wrote:
The Thing from Beyond the Edge wrote:

James hasn't answered any questions since Tuesday. He must have something or other going on.


Yeah, I know. That's why the big smilie. :D

Methinks James is tuckered out...

... and now I suddenly have a picture of James in his hotel room, wearing Paizo Golem jammies and snuggling with his Goblin plushie.

There's something wrong with me...

Au Contraire, there's something very right with you! :P

Don Juan de Doodlebug wrote:
Lord Dice wrote:

Dude, have you read the ARG entry about goblin children? The goblin kennels make for a far better life, whether the residents consent or not.

Lies and more lies.

But in answer to your question, Comrade Drejk, goblin boys are born with sizable erections.

With which to do it in the streets!

Look, Doodlebug:

If you did actually read the ARG entry, you'd understand that the goblin kennels are an invention of the goblins, which milord Dice merely improved upon. M'lord Dice hasn't said so, but given the entry's mention of cannibalism, the same could quite easily be said of the goblin hunts!

Jean-Paul Sartre, Intrnet Troll wrote:
I am also beyond educated stupidity.

Late to the game, but what is the meaning of "nonsense"?

That's not how fancy dinner parties work. Those of who aren't wealthy enough to host that sort of party are expected to serve, and if our lord is very very kind we get to eat the leftovers.

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