Dicey the House Goblin's page

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People only mention a drug induced haze after Doodlebug has left the thread for the day? Talk about a missed opportunity!

(Bubble, bubble, bubble...)

That's three, Doodlebug!

M'lord Dice And I agree that it was, in fact, too much, but m'lady Dice said something about how "it should be enough to destroy the establishment from the inside." M'lord dice looked miffed, but I just smiled and tried my best to maintain my quiet dignity.

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Dicey the House Goblin wrote:

Not to speak for Doodlebug, but I believe he's pointing out that, by the time you get promoted (through whatever means) to a high income position, your salary still doesn't match your expenses. M'lord Dice complains about this whenever he totals his ledgers.

Or, he may be saying that one high-earner can throw off the bell-curve. I've asked m'lord Dice about that, but he just laughs and laughs whenever I raise the subject.

What am I saying now, Dicey?

[Smack]

Well, I can't read, So I took your note to m'lord Dice, and asked him to read it. He glanced at at, and then he asked me for his reading glasses. I gave them to him, and he read your note.

And then he said ,"The line is, How you like me now?" and hit me with his shoe, again and again, and then yet again. And now I'm down in the scullery, scrubbing out pots and pans. I don't even know what I did, but take it from this goblin: Literacy hurts!

Don Juan de Doodlebug wrote:

These jobs that pay a king's ransom nationally, they apparently pay less and less the closer they get to you.

Still not getting your point.

Not to speak for Doodlebug, but I believe he's pointing out that, by the time you get promoted (through whatever means) to a high income position, your salary still doesn't match your expenses. M'lord Dice complains about this whenever he totals his ledgers.

Or, he may be saying that one high-earner can throw off the bell-curve. I've asked m'lord Dice about that, but he just laughs and laughs whenever I raise the subject.

Recap

It sounds like your players want to be, I don't know, Kapos or something. You should turn it into a social game with a lot of alignment issues, I guess? (That's the sort of junk I live for.)

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Freehold DM wrote:

Paypal seems a bit far fetched, but may be I'm not getting something.

I guess what you're not getting is that just because I link something doesn't mean I think it's the same thing. Sometimes, I am just flipping through the internet and I find articles and I think, "Ooh!, I wonder if anyone on Paizo's seen this?"

So, we're talking about the AP scandal and Wikileaks obviously comes up, and I'm flipping through the internet and I find an article on the Paypal 14 and I think to myself, "Hmmm, I remember that, I wonder if anyone else on Paizo's seen that?" and I link it.

No conspiracy needed.

Btw, I have no opinion on what the Paypal 14 did or are alleged to have done because I don't understand what they did or are alleged to have done. I'll let the IT nerds duke that one out.

So you're just linking nonsense? Exactly what I'd expect from a goblin! *sniff*

Doodlebug, this is entirely the wrong thread for it (there's no right thread goblins such as ourselves), but have you watched I, Claudius? It was produced by the BBC in the mid to late seventies.

I only ask because I know you like Rome, the HBO series, and I, Claudius has at least two characters in common. You can probably get some version at your local library, but RI public television has been showing it thursday night at 10.

No, it's not ready for prime time; Yes, I watched back when I was pre-pubescent.

[Peeks back in]

I will lend you a little goblin credibility, but only if you're polite in front of other goblins. :P

I may well get chastised for asking, but do you think there's room between pro-gay and pro-straight? Speaking for myself, I never saw it as a us-or-them situation.

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You're next, Dice! After Terquem and all you other pig-dogs!

Huh? What, Comrade Gnomunist? Oh.

Uh, nevermind, Dice, Terquem, everybody, nothing to worry about. You can all go back to yelling at dear Sissyl. Nothing to see here.

It's too late, Doodlebug; I named names.

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Comrade Anklebiter wrote:

Racists and plutocrats, you will all pay!!!

Except for Comrade Gnomunist who is quite correct that there are no copyright laws on the collective but here in the belly of the beast, in the words of Tracy Marrow,

I gotta get paid tonight, you're motherf@#+ing right
think of my grip, check my biznitch, keep my game tight.

Vive le Galt!

PENSIVE SIGH

REGIME THINKS YOU ARE IN THE CORRECT

COMRADE ANKLEBITER'S PLAN FOR INSIDER COLLAPSE OF PIG-DOG SYSTEM IS A GO

BUT KEEP SECRET. WE HAVE NICE-PERSON OUTSIDER IMAGE TO MAINTAIN

That's how I started out, but then m'lord Dice started feeding me his table scraps and letting me sleep on the hearth, and I was all, "Of course I want to be a stooge of the plutocracy, sleeping inside beats the hell out of the goblin-kennels."

Both Doodlebug and m'lord Dice want me to redeem myself through labor, but Doodlebug wants to give my earnings to the needy, whereas m'lord Dice gives me sips of his wine when he's feeling jolly. What would you do?

I think all you pinkskins suck, even if your skin isn't pink.

Green pride!

Look, Doodlebug, if you've got something to say to me, you can just go ahead ahead and say it to my face, instead of trying to be subtle. . .

FAWTL Refugees: Corrupting the morality of the youth since 2011.

Late start, dude, late start.

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BigNorseWolf wrote:

bugleyman wrote:

Libertardian?

Come on, I wanna play too!

The only way to win is not to play.

How about a nice game of chess?

Where you sacrifice "pawns" to protect your king?

More plutocratic crap.

Vive le Galt!

One time I was watching m'lord and m'lady Dice play chess, and I said "If there are so many pawns, how did the king get to be the most powerful piece?"

M'lord Dice laughed and laughed, until m'lady Dice pointed out that the Queen was the most powerful piece. She started to explain what happens when a pawn reaches the opposite side of the board, but m'lord Dice sent me to get more crackers right then.

I never did get an answer to my question. :(

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M'lord Dice doesn't truck with any form of entertainment so plebeian as the cinema; I love that junk though, especially the stories where one honorable servant remains faithful to his master.That scene in Dune, where Shadout Mapes is saved by Paul, only be killed later by the same traitor? It probably the most moving thing I've ever watched onscreen.

...What's "reading"?

Kryzbyn wrote:

Comrade Anklebiter wrote:

Yes, because the original text was so awesome, with its black people are only worth 3/5ths as much as a white person.

F@&% the Constitution.

See, that's why you can't get laid.

Yeah, you talk to your mother today?

As Re goblin mouthiness, defense of co-works and the above: Your greatest strength is your greatest weakness, Doodlebug. They're one thing.

Some goblins know how to bow and scrape though. :)

I can't believe I missed this thread until now.

Of course infant goblins can be rehabilitated, I'm living proof!

As to what to do with your baby goblin? M'lord dice will gladly give it a home with its own kind in the goblin-kennels, and teach it the value of hard work.

[Strokes Dicey]

ZOMG, they'll call us Furries, but goblins have no fur, do we? Fuzzywuzzy had no fur, so fuzzywuzzy wasn't fuzzy, was he?

(Plenty of fun to be had in the Goblin Kennels.)

Yeah, yeah, goblins have small dicks. You guys are wicked funny.

Also, btw, goblins are just the kinds of lovers where it doesn't matter how large (or small) their genitalia are. Ladies, one look into our eyes overflowing with warmth and compassion, one whisper from our high-pitched yet erotically melodious voice, one caress from our smooth and sensitive hands and you'll climax.

It's true.

That hasn't been my experience; all I have to show from your "smooth and sensitive hands" is bruises. :(

If we're worried about Cultural Marxism, will we have a Cultural HUAC?

M'lord Dice says we one to put those unwashed hippies from the Occupy Movement in their place, whatever that means. (I'm not political.)

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M'Lord Dice explained to me how the International Proletarian Socialist Bosses are, in fact, stooges of the plutocracy...

He also went into detail about something Jimmy Carter said about the Cold War increasing the foreign aid budget; I wasn't paying attention, the Pop-Tart in my mouth tasted too good!

Not to mention, you should have a character who's a faithful servant to the deposed nobility, like the fool from King Lear, but a goblin.

Did someone just say something complimentary?

LORD DICE RULES!

I'm not allowed to vote, but m'lord Dice takes my advice "under consideration."

(His intonation, not mine.)

Edit: Look, I'm trying; I like beer. /wink (It's legal in Colorado.)

M'lord Dice has explained it to me that there proletarian workers and un-proletarian workers. Only the truly un-proletarian deserve the rank of house-goblin.

He hits me whenever I open my mouth. :(

Citizen X, you can look at the other thread to see which arguments I've already used. Or you can reinvent the wheel, your call.

Lord Dice wrote:

And this is why Doodlebug has more of an effect on politics by handing out commie newspapers, and not voting, than any of us who think posting on RPG message boards is a game-changer.

Vive le Galt!: The Musical Interlude

Look, never mind your attribution, I'm pretty sure it was Dicey that said that.

Or they could have f+&~ed up.

The CIA isn't infallible.

You keep talking like that, and m'lord Dice just might promote you to house goblin; you get the position by beating your underlings and forgiving your betters. :)

Edit: Times two! It's nice and warm sleeping in the kitchen, and you get eat the table scraps!

[Peeks back in and puts down Billy Bathgate]

There are lots of things going on here, Plutocrat.

** spoiler omitted **...

But it's working within the system that gives me the opportunity to short-sheet m'lord Dice's bed! Which goblin do I point at when he discovers my mischief? No comment.

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...I heard HoustonDerek is totally addicted to Fox News.

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thejeff wrote:

So just to set the record straight: Do you believe the president is a natural born stooge of the plutocracy?

Yes. Yes, I do.

M'lord Dice says that if it weren't for plutocrats, we never would have had any Presidents to begin with. He also pointed out that things went south when we opened the vote to non-landowners, because they aren't really invested in the state of the country. Then I said I thought that allowing any vote at all was the problem. M'lord Dice said, "You're learning, Dicey, you're learning."

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You're embarrassing yourself, Doodlebug! Pull your pants up!

M'lord DIce would says all the goblin agitators should rest on their laurels while watching Glenn Beck rather than work to effect change on the Dice estate, or even just in the goblin kennels.

The Thing from Beyond the Edge wrote:

doctor_wu wrote:

The Thing from Beyond the Edge wrote:

James hasn't answered any questions since Tuesday. He must have something or other going on.

:D

Gencon.

Yeah, I know. That's why the big smilie. :D

Methinks James is tuckered out...

... and now I suddenly have a picture of James in his hotel room, wearing Paizo Golem jammies and snuggling with his Goblin plushie.

There's something wrong with me...

Au Contraire, there's something very right with you! :P

Lord Dice wrote:

Dude, have you read the ARG entry about goblin children? The goblin kennels make for a far better life, whether the residents consent or not.

Lies and more lies.

But in answer to your question, Comrade Drejk, goblin boys are born with sizable erections.

With which to do it in the streets!

Look, Doodlebug:

I am also beyond educated stupidity.

Late to the game, but what is the meaning of "nonsense"?

That's not how fancy dinner parties work. Those of who aren't wealthy enough to host that sort of party are expected to serve, and if our lord is very very kind we get to eat the leftovers.

Some of us aren't Union members, Doodlebug. Given the current economy, I love any system that gives me access to medical treatment.

Lady Dice wrote:

Just like the Black Widows; only when they're hungry, right?

Yup. From everything you ever wanted to know about praying mantis sex: "Cannibalism in the mantis was not causally associated with sexual behaviour, but occurred in association with sexual behaviour when females were hungry. Decapitation of the male by the female preceded intromission in only one of 69 experiments."

I can honestly say, if there were only a 1 in 69 chance I'd be murdered/eaten following sex, I'd take that chance.

If I had to explain it to the masses in the goblin kennels, I'd say this: Nice odds, very survivable.

I'd like to serenade you, Doodlebug, but I can't decide between "Forever Young" and "Time in a Bottle"...

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The nice thing about calling your betters "Sir" is that you don't have to remember their individual names. M'lord Dice tells me the upper classes invented the forms of address as a favor to the rest of us.

Even m'lord Dice has lowered the flag to half-mast in observance.

Comrade Anklebiter wrote:

Sometimes I wonder if Paizo posters are pretty much worthless to the species.

That depends...

...Who exactly is posting.

Doodlebug, you'll never make it as a house goblin if you keep assuming every woman who pays for a night in the goblin kennels is your girlfriend.

Caesar home now...

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Don Juan de Doodlebug wrote:

Am I a narcissist? Well, let's just say I really relate to that line from Annie Hall: "Hey! Don't knock masturbation--it's sex with someone I love."

But do you still respect yourself in the morning?

I didn't respect myself the night before, why would things look any different in the morning?

meatrace wrote:

Goblins have no rights.

They are an infestation to be wiped out.

Right, left, right, left, you're toothless

And then you say g%&#%*n they ruthless

This is exactly the attitude m'lord Dice is trying to civilize out of us. Once the grand experiment has been verified in the goblin kennels, he plans to colonize the goblin homelands for the sake of civilization.

Doodlebug, redeem yourself through labor! Should you work hard and well enough, you too might earn a place in the manor house. It's warm, sleeping on the hearth. :)

Say what you will about m'lord Dice, even he supports the GCA; It's how he chooses who to promote to house goblin!

Pillbug, we prefer a dry rub with dipping sauce served on the side for canadians, but that's a goblin kennel local recipe, so ymmv.

M'lord Dice said war is a necessary evil, provided the goblins do the fighting, but once the upper classes are called to serve we should sue for peace to avoid cultural dissolution. Then I said, "What about the goblin upper classes?" He hasn't stopped laughing since.

M'lord Dice says any modalities that reinforce a hierarchy are at his beck and call; then he gave me a hot can of chili poured into a bag a corn chips. That's good eating!

Plenty of pillows and mattresses in the goblin kennels, I'm not sure what the problem is...