Thanks for the commiserations guys. While I'm obviously disappointed, I'll be back again next year. In the mean time, I'll keep plugging away at PFS scenarios (gotta collect the whole set of rejections - 14 in a row so far!), Kobold Quarterly and Sinister Adventures (if it ever gets moving again). Tenacity is not my weak point.

Anyway, off to bug Josh Frost again...

And, best of all, no treasure to loot. :)

(edited, corrected)
With regard to the repel metal (or stone), if a party happens to be in a straight 5ft wide dungeon corridor (or astrumal chewed tunnel), Mister Astrumal can slam the metal-wearers up against the end wall and zap away with his electrocuting ray.
It's situational, but it has its possibilities. ;)
I await reports of the demise of your munchkin PCs. :)

CR 14, AC: 54. Good times. :)

The Medium List of “Let Me Explain”

* Electricity Vulnerability – ever run a vacuum cleaner near a CRT television? Imagine if that TV was alive.
* Repel metal or stone – It’s a line. The spell, at worst, moves you back 60 feet. You take a 5’ step and move out of the line. You charge the Astrumal again the next round or shoot him with arrows. Worst. 8th. Level. Spell. Ever. The Astrumal has used one of its rounds to delay a PC by one round. While the other members of the party pummel it.
* Annihilation - works just like disintegrate. It can damage creatures or unattended objects. That’s it. No strange rules about damaging armour required.
* Any (Leng) – As pointed out it is exactly the same format as “any (Abyss)” in the demon entries.
* The “apocalypse” of 50-500 is really a bit like the “band” entry for orcs (30–100 plus 150% noncombatants plus 1 sergeant of 3rd level per 10 adults, 1 lieutenant of 5th level per 20 adults, and 1 leader of 7th level per 30 adults) - to be treated as a guide for how many of the creatures would be in an area if it was saturated with them.
* Leng – pretty much Clark summed it up:

Wes, I am right there with you. I didn't like the Lovecraft tack on with Leng.

I think it's my fault, though.

Here is what I put in my review of the initial concept:

"Boy, I don’t know. This is a bit sci-fi. It presumes solar systems and aliens. The rules want setting neutrality and they also say a submission shouldn’t be “science fiction, steampunk, or some other genre creature that could not reasonably be a part of a standard fantasy roleplaying game.” I’m not sure this monster fully runs afoul of that restriction, but it’s close. I will agree it’s not a clear violation. The voters will have to determine how much to grade you down for this. I guess the “dark gulfs among the stars” gives it the suitable Cthulhu rather than sci-fi flavor that makes it OK. But then the whole metal and magnetism thing makes it too sci-fi for me."

I think David was perhaps just trying to "Cthulhu-up" the monster to take it out of the "unacceptable" sci-fi realm and into the "acceptable" Cthulhu realm.

… you're either a sadist or your party's seriously overpowered.

The Long list of Mea Culpa
* "always" {alignment}
* Knowledge (the planes)
* detect thoughts DC missing
* repel metal has a DC
* Too much going on. 100% hindsight – yeah.
* Third pincer attack and Improved Natural Attack. The third pincer attack was an effort to give it some freaky asymmetry. Improved Natural Attack was an effort to change 1d8+1d6 damage to 3d6 damage (including annihilation) to simplify things at the table. The sum of these two changes made it a bit strong in melee.
* Spell Resistance. Yeah, totally should have skipped SR.
* Treasure and UMD. Q: “It’s intelligent, why wouldn’t it use items it found?” A: “Because it’s an alien monstrosity from beyond the stars which exists only to consume.” *bang head on desk*

What’s with all the new freaky mental attacks?

The original Astrumal, in terms of horrible deaths, could offer you the dismemberment of your choice. But, you may have noticed that every other monster in the Bestiary offers exactly the same deal. The specific fear that Astrumal II inspires is the thought of losing control and harming those around you, especially your closest loved ones (the guy that heals you after you get hurt - I really love that guy). Thus the aura of lunacy was generated, inspired by thoughts of electroshock therapy for treating mental illnesses (using the power for evil instead of good). I was unaware of the chortov devil from Pathfinder #27, but you can probably chalk that one up to convergent evolution. The Int damage from the ray, and the hold person power were also designed as “extreme magnetism / electricity mess with the neurons in your brain” powers.

An interesting point with the confusion part of the aura of lunacy is that it plays differently to the normal confusion spell, in that most of the time the Astrumal itself is the “closest creature” for the 76-100 roll, making a PC who fails a save still effective 50% of the time. Also, PCs that close to the Astrumal tend to get attacked by the creature, making them 100% effective again. The fact that the aura’s rage power prevents spellcasters from casting spells is a feature, not a bug. Here’s some handy hints: 1) don’t get within 30 feet; 2) You’ve got a good Will save, use it; 3) resist energy and 4) sometimes spellcasters need something to give them that warm feeling in their pants when they just wee themselves a tiny bit in terror.

The idea is that the first time you meet one it roughs you up a little, the second time you stock up on resist energy potions and spells and tear that sucka a new one.

OK boys and girls, here we go…

My initial thought was “can this monster actually devour a world”? Thinking along those lines, the acid bite had to go, and was conveniently replaced with an attack that threw the conservation of mass in chemical processes out the window (look out below!). Even armed with the annihilation attack* that can consume a 1-foot square every six seconds I had to check if it was even feasible to eat an Earth-sized planet in a reasonable timeframe(back of the envelope calculation below).

Short answer: "Yep."

*The annihilation bite was the extrapolation of magnetism to the nth degree – it stops the movement the subatomic particles in every atom, causing the matter to unravel.

Stay tuned everyone for the "director's cut". I'm halfway through a really busy day at work.

David's Astrumal - Honestly, I thought his astrumal entry this round was way overpowered, a swing and a mass, but I'm handing out one freebie vote for him on past performance, as I really liked the seeds and the haga. May you live to fight another day, but pick it up pardner.

*Mr Astrumal holds up a crudely-painted sign between two vicious pincers which says "Wil dance for yor votes". The "e"s are written backwards. The edge of the sign looks slightly nibbled.*

I'll see you in the Lingerie portion of the competition!

Thanks everyone for the comments and I'll get back to you with some specific Astrumally feedback once the voting closes.

... In concept this is an interesting Round, in so far as Sean has bowled the contestants a brutal bouncer a Round earlier than happened last year, leaving contestants less firmly set at the crease the dilemma of how to react.
Anyway, I'm off to bed now, goodnight.

Chris, you are one magnificent bastard for even attempting this. Thank you.

...If you actually typed out CHARACTER ADVANCEMENT instead of Character Advancement, and we shifted that section in development so it was part of another section, we'd have to retype CHARACTER ADVANCEMENT as Character Advancement. Not life-threatening, but an easily-avoided hassle...

*Big breath out*

OK, it's in.

Arrrrgh, the waiting is the hardest part. It's been almost four seconds now and the anticipation is UNBEARABLE!

A rock-like, black shell sheathes the bulbous body of this hovering, spheroid abomination. Obscene swells of pallid flesh spill forth from groaning fissures in the creature’s shell, exposing numerous large, twitching, segmented appendages. Its wide, tooth-ridden maw exposes an iridescent void which emits a disconcerting, rhythmic hum.

Astrumal CR 5
XP 1,600
Always CE Medium Outsider (chaotic, evil, extraplanar)
Init +0; Senses blindsight 120 ft., detect thoughts; Perception +10
Aura aura of lunacy
=====
Defense
=====
AC 19, touch 10, flat-footed 19 (+9 natural)
hp 57 (6d10+24); fast healing 3
Fort +8, Ref +5, Will +6
DR 5/magic; Immune cold, fire; SR 16
Weaknesses vulnerability to electricity
=====
Offense
=====
Speed 20 ft., fly 30 ft. (good)
Melee Bite +11 (2d6+4 plus annihilation), 3 pincers +8 (1d8+2 plus grab)
Ranged Electrocuting Ray +6 ranged touch (1d6 electricity plus 1d3 Int damage plus pull or push)
Special Attacks annihilation, electrocuting ray, pull (ray, 10 feet), push (ray, 10 feet)
Spell-Like Abilities (CL 6th; concentration +8)
Constant—detect thoughts
At will—charge metal (as heat metal, with electricity instead of fire damage) (DC 14), hold person (DC 14)
1/day—repel metal and stone (metal only) (DC 20)
=====
Statistics
=====
Str 19, Dex 10, Con 18, Int 12, Wis 13, Cha 15
Base Atk +6; CMB +10 (+14 grapple); CMD 20 (can’t be tripped)
Feats Great Fortitude(B), Improved Natural Attack (bite), Multiattack, Weapon Focus (bite)
Skills Fly +13, Intimidate +11, Knowledge (the planes) +10, Perception +10, Spellcraft +10, Stealth +9, Use Magic Device +11
SQ conductivity, no breath
=====
Ecology
=====
Environment any (Leng)
Organization solitary, shock (4-12) or apocalypse (50-500)
Treasure standard
=====
Special Abilities
=====
Annihilation (Su) The void-field within the maw of an astrumal annihilates any material within, dealing an additional 1d6 damage. An astrumal can disintegrate up to a 1-foot cube of non-living matter per round, including force effects.
Aura of Lunacy (Su) Any living creature within a 30-foot radius of an astrumal must succeed on a Will save (DC 15) or yield to the creature’s insidious, oscillating magnetic field. Those who fail succumb to confusion and rage for 6 rounds. Creatures resistant to electricity are unaffected. The save DC is Charisma-based.
Conductivity (Su) Temperature affects the speed and power of an astrumal. At temperatures below freezing or if attacked with cold damage, it benefits from haste but reduces the save DCs of its spell-like abilities by 2. At temperatures above boiling or if attacked with fire damage, it suffers from slow but increases the save DCs of its spell-like abilities by 2. These effects last for the duration of exposure (minimum 1 round).
Electrocuting Ray (Su) An astrumal fires rays of electricity, out to a maximum range of 120 feet, damaging foes and incapacitating their minds. The rays may only push or pull creatures that wear metal armour or are composed entirely of metal.
No Breath (Ex) An astrumal does not breathe and is immune to inhaled poisons and diseases. An astrumal is immune to pressure damage.

Nightmare creatures birthed from the twisted essence of Leng, astrumals are slaves to their hunger, despite their intelligence, driven to devour worlds in a ravenous frenzy. The abominations emit a sinister magnetic field driving nearby creatures berserk or catatonic. An astrumal also uses this field to sense its surroundings, read surface thoughts, incapacitate foes or electrocute enemies, quickly burning out their fragile minds. The monster’s magnetic aura also provides control over metallic objects and enables its flight.

Denizens of Leng rain astrumals on Material Plane worlds as instruments of genocide against hapless mortal populations that provoke their ire. Astrumals spawn quickly after feeding and, if left unchecked, spread across the world leaving frenzied anarchy and collapsed civilisations in their wake. The teeming abominations strip the crust of organic matter before slaking their endless thirst on the iron-rich magma at the planet’s core.

When the husk finally collapses millennia later, astrumals leave the barren rock and float across the vast dark gulfs between the stars looking for new worlds, rich with life and metals, to decimate. A planet’s magnetic poles attract astrumals and it is here the inhabitants first glimpse the pale lines of meteoric fire which foreshadow the coming devastation.

"Hint, hinting" that doing a low-CR monster will be easier isn't the same as saying "you shouldn't do a high-CR monster". Designers like Posener and Mcgee may have viewed this as a challenge, and a chance to set themselves apart from the pack (and they were perfectly in their right to do so- its not their fault they drew the wrong conclusion from that little hint-hint).

I took "it will be harder to stat up, watch out!" as "this will increases the degree of difficulty for your dive, but you get bonus points if the execution is awesome". Now that someone else might be making that dive, it feels a bit ... hollow.

Congratulations! Glad you made it!

David Posener wrote:

*...except if you're in Australia. ;)

[Hands David a vegemite sandwich] What? Isn't that the tradition food of your people?

*Belch*

Ah so we know all the treasure is hanging around the woe neck. Hey bubba look at all those golds chain it has around its neck, I dont think that thing could even fly with that many necklaces

David Posener wrote:

Alan Rickman

The Woe head is Gilbert Gottfreid.

"I pity the fool who crosses the stream of Death at midnight to pick the ghost-flower of the Butterfly Queen's virility. Dark loss and Hell's eternal suffering await this sucka".

David Posener wrote:

What is the average airspeed of an unladen swallow?
The Haga is twenty feet long and I imagined a wingspan of around 80-100 feet. This thing is at least Huge in size, with a strength score to pick up a two-ton bull.

as I said in another thread I never meant for there to be a large discussion on wingspan. It was meant as a casual observation that just seemed to take a life of its own :(

Voting always ends on Mondays, announcements on Tuesdays, submission deadlines are Fridays, voting begins on Tuesdays*. :)

Thanks to everyone who voted for, and commented on, each of this round’s entries. And a big thanks to my fellow competitors who each came up with fantastic monsters that I can unscrupulously steal for my home games!

Now that voting has closed, but before I get bogged down into the mysterious Round 3* design, I thought I might ramble on a bit about my entry.

Mythological Origin
Yes, the Haga is a ‘historical’ mythological creature from the Byzantine empire (as quoted by Lief above), but definitely a very obscure one. I only discovered it myself when I was looking up double-headed eagle heraldry (as you do). The creature itself is described as being a protector, but sometimes you’ve just gotta take some creative license.

The Name
The name was pretty much set based on its mythological roots. It also had the benefit of being much shorter than “The Starborn Seeds of Manifest Denial” which was perceived to be a little over the top. I personally dislike really long compound names for monsters, because they take up valuable running-away time while you shout out a terrified warning.

The whole naga/hag thing didn’t really twig with me until the comments started to fly, and it looks pretty obvious in hindsight, but I think I’m stuck with Haga.

Appearance
It’s a massive, majestic, two-headed eagle.
- It’s massive, because it has to hold its own against the PCs when the proverbial hits the fan and the characters need some involuntary organ re-arrangement.
- It’s majestic, because I wanted it to not look out of place in a royal court setting, or to immediately put the players into an “it’s evil – kill it” frame of mind (although that is the most accurate and practical sentiment to have when dealing with a Haga).
- It’s two-headed, so that it can do the whole weal/woe prophesy at the same time.
- It’s a bird, to be a mirror of the historical haruspices who used bird’s entrails, or augurs who read the movement of birds through the sky.

Predeterminism/Fate
The predictive ability of the Haga basically lets it run a “simulation” of how things will go if it acts a certain way – essentially it gets to see the Socks at the end of the “Trousers of Time” and decide which leg to take. Sometimes, at the end of a particularly enjoyable leg, the Haga has to die to achieve its ends - c’est la vie (c’est la mort?).

If it dies in battle against the PCs, it probably has just organized for one of its allies to resurrect it anyway. With a note to that effect handed to the PCs by a messenger arriving one minute after their hard-won victory. See - this is fun isn’t it?

How do you kill it if it can make all these arrangements?
Here are just a couple:
- A daily dose of mind blank will ruin a Haga’s predictions in a big hurry.
- If you remove the Haga’s supply of victims (possibly by using your own divinations), it will be unable to make its prophesies with any accuracy, leaving it vulnerable to attack.

Writing stuff with dead bodies during a war seems pretty far-fetched!
This is the kind of stuff the other Haga’s observe and go “Whoah, now that’s some good predictin’. Not like those new-fangled Modern Auguries where all you see is charred babies - my chick could divine better than that stuff”. Much like if you were observing humans you might say, “Sure they’ve got hands and can lift stuff, but there’s no way they could have made the Sistine Chapel.” It’s extreme art for bizarrely-minded creatures that have too much time on their talons.

What is the average airspeed of an unladen swallow?
The Haga is twenty feet long and I imagined a wingspan of around 80-100 feet. This thing is at least Huge in size, with a strength score to pick up a two-ton bull.

Is it an ally or an enemy?
It’s definitely an enemy of the PCs, unless their usual modus operandi involves bloody human sacrifice via dismemberment (I’m passing no judgment here if it does…). It is, however, an ally for any NPC’s who are either not so squeamish or are so desperate that the lives of a few slaves / unpopular family members seem like a fair trade.

*Dave holds a closed envelope against the Haga’s ‘weal’ head and it reveals, in a mellifluous voice not unlike that of Alan Rickman, that Round 3 will be “Stat up your monsters with a new rules element”. The “woe” head just giggles maniacally to itself.

roguerouge wrote:

It's the details that sell a story, dude. Internal consistency is what matters.

Sure, and "eyeballing" it, this thing's about 2/3rds the size of a roc-- which can scoop up an elephant according to its description. In terms of scale, I have no problem with the approximation that a haga can handle a bull. Seems like they probably occupy a niche between the roc and the giant eagle.

-Ben.

I'm enjoying this dissection immensely! Keep up the good work. I'll jump in once I'm allowed.

Thanks for the great comments everyone! I'm watching keenly and waiting anxiously for the 2nd so that I can respond.

I really don't see how you make any PC fight with one work given a haga as currently written is represented as knowing the moment of its death. Either it's scheduled to fall in a fight with the PCs in which case no matter how ineptly or badly they fight at a particular moment it's guaranteed that it will die, or it's not scheduled to occur in a fight with the PCs in which case no matter what they do they aren't going to be able to kill it. The end result is predetermined, and the only question how many PCs are reduced to mush and what resources they expend in discovering which of two possibilities it is?
Otherwise, I actually like this creature, which turns the concept of human oracles reading the entrails of birds to predict the future neatly on its head.

I have some concerns about possible roles for this creature in-game. It seems to me likely to be a high level challenge, and not at all suitable for use in most games except as an NPC to consult.

My overall impression is one of a creature which is a very neat idea, but which may be hard to make rules and a stat block for, and with probably limited application in-game.

Thank-you for submitting this creature.

HERE!

David Posener wrote:

*starts scribbling notes about a "Toffee Aboleth"*

Cotton Candy Wraith!
Caramel Ooze!
Pixie Stix Devourer!

...But I still like it (but it already knew that didn't it).

Um...check under your chair. You will apparently find an envelope containing a 10th century Byzantine gold coin as a reward for your acclaim. Also: don't eat cheeseburgers for the next week.

*starts scribbling notes about a "Toffee Aboleth"*

I had a ton of ideas that didn't quite make the cut. The ones I got as far as writing up fully or near-fully:

Megalania
** spoiler omitted **

This is a real...

Thank you to the Judges for their feedback and hard work!

Vote Haga! He knows the lottery numbers for next week and who voted for him (hint hint).

I'll cheerfully answer all questions and comments about our entrail-reading friend once the voting has closed. Fortunately, someone has passed me a list of all the upcoming comments so I can get started on them now.

I feel this way also, only problem is I don't know how fast you guys can run and it's not like I can trip you.

...The recent KotM contest on KQ makes this even stranger. So a lot of really good ideas are fresh in people's minds.

Shouldn't there be an additional 5,000 gp figured in somewhere (?) since:

Children of the Void (Page 19) wrote:

...Creating a magic item that incorporates any amount of noqual into it increases the price of creation by 5,000 gp, as costly reagents and alchemical supplies must be used to treat the metal during the process...

That said, Children of the Void was written for 3.5 rules and I'm not sure if the processing cost would have changed with conversion to PFRPG - and to a certain extent rule of thumb needs to be applied with Wondrous Items.

Nice to see your working though... :)

I've submitted, but I'll wait here for a confirmation if you don't mind.

Haga
Description: A haga is an enormous, double-headed eagle, twenty feet long, which carries the scent of sandalwood over its mountainous dominion. This raptor is golden feathered and majestic in flight, swooping to devour sentient prey. Other victims serve as writhing components for the haga’s haruspicy rituals, where the raptor divines future events in the spilt entrails. The haga’s alien mind is keen but immoral, fearless and without scruple, knowing perfectly the consequences of its actions and even the time of its own death.

Despite the danger, some foolish emperors, petty tyrants and generals are desperate enough to request a haga’s council, yearning for unnatural knowledge and willing to pay in blood. Both heads of the creature speak simultaneously during these correspondences, one lamenting woeful visions, the other describing auspicious omens. Hagas find delight in arranging historically critical moments, patterns across mortal generations, and the confluence of improbable but poignant disasters. The peak of haga artistry entails choreographing wars and predicatively composing flawless abyssal runes or infernal litanies from the dying soldiers and falling battle debris.

Powers and Abilities: Hagas are physically powerful, able to snatch creatures as large as a bull in their talons before tearing the creature apart with their razor-sharp beaks. Their eyesight is keen like most birds of prey and can pierce magical deception. Hagas are ageless creatures of cruel omens and dread fate, able to divine future events, see distant places, speak with the slain, and answer almost any question by reading the splay of the flesh and splatter of the blood. This insight also makes these raptors deadly in combat, receiving precognitions into their opponent’s strikes and maneuvers before they occur. Hagas draw power from dying prey when they perform their rites and can manipulate an enemy’s fate through potent curses.

...Finally, when you mention that it supresses any illusion touched, does this require a touch attack against them (if it's an illusion of a creature)?

... and I'm not sure if the pricing is correct for what it does...

Man, that prose is purple.

Upon first glance I found this item to be a bookkeeping nightmare. I dismissed it as a headache. However, the flavor and description of this item saves it for me. I really could visualize the cloud of seeds. I'll likely be utilizing a simplified version of this in my campaign!

This finger-length stem of celadon supports a gossamer sphere of noqual crystals. The talisman acts as a brooch-pin, and provides a +2 resistance bonus to saving throws against spells and spell-like abilities. Once per day, the possessor can disperse the dandelion’s skymetal seeds with a breath, a standard action that does not provoke an attack of opportunity. The seeds form a cloud that surrounds the wearer for 11 rounds before the seeds settle back on the stem. The cloud is transparent and can be dispersed by winds as a fog cloud.

The seeds weaken physical manifestations of magic targeting the wearer, leaving only shadowy remnants. All conjuration (summoning), conjuration (creation), evocation and illusion effects below 4th level are suppressed for the duration of the cloud.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, globe of invulnerability, resistance, true seeing; Cost 9,850 gp

This one is now basically a globe of invulnerability that affects only certain schools of magic and with some cool flavour.

A description of an item for the game that follows the grand traditions of Dungeons and Dragons is being (almost) criticised for being Gygaxian? Oh woe and calamity, what have we come to? ;-)

...It's probably too fiddly as written, requiring a table every time you get hit by a spell effect. Evocation is affected differently from conjuration, so you've got some unneeded complexity.

The writing style, as already discussed, can be dialed down from 11 on the verbosity scale. Your very first line gives us a great mental image of what this thing looks and feels like. "Gossamer sphere of delicate noqual crystals." That's really good, but the descriptions get less evocative and merely wordy as you go on.

OK, for those of you playing at home who want some explanation...

... That does leave me with a question about how the item regains the "seeds" though. If a strong wind disperses the cloud, how does the stem retrieve them again? Presumably, they would blow away and be lost. Or the stem would need to regrow such seeds again.

Lastly, if I'm reading this right, you're saying that the seeds reduce any illusion spell with the shadow descriptor by 40%. Given that shadow conjuration and shadow evocation already produce effects that are only 20% real, does that mean they're totally ignored? If so, that essentially would mean only a greater version of those two spells would have any effect left after the seeds weakened the magic.

...the math involved in negotiating these percentages makes this an item that I suspect many GM's would hesitate to include in a treasure hoard.

OK, my monster's almost in the bag and the kids are watching Shrek, so I'll go through some of the comments...

Oh, and don't these beers just hit the spot?

OK, final draft is done after much deliberation. I'm gonna leave it for a couple of hours and come back to it. I'm certain there'll be heaps of stuff to edit once I give it a rest.

Thanks for the feedback everyone! I'll be back to comment once I get through my monster submission, a 2-day camping trip to the Wombeyan caves, and my weekly Adjectives Anonymous meeting.

By the way, geology porn gets my rocks off.