Chuck Chick and Jack Tingle's page

Bigfoot 'n' Cleetus,
Are drinkin' paint thinner
They had possum fer breakfast,
And possum for dinner,
They's playin' the banjo,
And feedin' moskeeters,
And fartin' like champions,
Are Bigfoot 'n' Cleetus.

At the El Cerrito DMV (DMV)
Mah darlin' said she'd wait for me (wait for me)
But after four hours in the queue,
She forgot she'd said, 'I do'
And went back with mah best friend to Albany (wah wah wah waaaah)

Oh, chicken fyungers, 'n' buffalo wyungs,
Could not cuuuure, mah poor heart's pain!
Chicken fyungers, 'n' buffalo wyungs,
'N' freedom fraaaahhs, at Raisin' Canes!
Ah could give yuh, a million dollars
Ah could give yuh, a dahmond ryung
But whut ah caaanot give yuh, darlin'
Are chicken fyungers, 'n' buffalo wyungs!

Why I work where I do.

Instructions from the boss this morning "it's going to start getting cold so make sure you have enough fuel for your flame thrower".

CC: He was born Yesterday in Madison

Y'THROW 16 FLAMES, WHADDAYA GET? (etc.)

Based on what seems to be a popular activity with a small minority of the US population...

CC: Ah'm pointin' ma gun at ma peepee!
JT: Ah'm pointin' ma gun at mahn too!
CC: Took off the safety catch, cuz Ah'm no dang byatch,
JT: Got Facebook ready too!

CC: Ah'll make sure there's a round in the chamber,
JT: You've got out ya phone to take a pic,
CC: Press down the shutter now - *BANG! BANG! BANG!* OWW!!!
JT: Aw Chuck, ya just shot off yer dick! (We gonna be famous!)

Yodel aydee aydee, yodel aydee aydee yodelooohoo.

captain yesterday wrote:

What I learned working with our red shirt (they got all the new guys red shirts so it's quite literal): The smell of tobacco and red bull DO NOT go together, at all.

but these are macho manly men, singing macho manly songs!

Ah likes trucks 'n' boots 'n' hats 'n' boobs 'n' guns 'n' whisky too,

captain yesterday wrote:

Of course the first day this week I decide to go without my shuffle so "I can hear what's going on around me" is the day I work with a hardcore country fan.

He's a good kid, great work ethic, bright, but damn does he need some taste in music.

Hey! Country's (sometimes) good music!

Mama,

Mario Kondo wrote:

If it-a brings-a you the joy-a!

Me, I'm-a gonna go jump-a on-a tha turtles.

In some reality, these lines are from an AO3 or Chuck Tingle novella titled "Turtley Enough for the Turtle Club", starring Mario Mario and Mitch McConnell.

DM's note: OK Slaad, your alignment had already shifted well into Neutral Evil territory. You can stop now. Please. Stahp.

Edit: Ooo, a Twilight fanfic, except with were-turtles instead of vampires.

'Pounded In The Butt By The Handsome Shape-Shifting Stalin Lookalike Spirit Of Tidying-Up And Amphibious Princess Rescuing'

If one wanted to start a new dance craze, how would one 'do the Owlbear'?

Ya just wreck a tent

DO THE OWLBEAR (hoot, hoot, hoot)
DO THE OWLBEAR (hoot, hoot, hoot)
Ya'd better do the Owlbear even though it's against the law

Ya eats some honey
Ya hunts all night
Ya swallows a mouse and then ya claw/claw/bites

DO THE OWLBEAR (etc.)

I'm a truckin' Slaad from a lil ol town in Limbo
I bin truckin' ever since I left the egg
I bin truckin' some turduckens
Dussacken, pucks and Russians
'Til the proteans stopped climbin' up my legs
I'm truckin' cuz ah luvs mah dear ol' Mama,
I'm truckin' cuz the modrons killed mah dog
And if things get really nastri,
I'll say a prayer to Wastri,
And end mah life as a Lawful Evil frog.

CC: "Golden face and silver bottom"

JT: "Could not melt this hat of mine. Yeehaw!"

Hmm..."Freehold and the Baron." Kinda sounds like the name of a comedic anime, doesn't it?

'Freehold and the Barons' wuz the rockabilly band we wuz in before we went solo.

You coulda stroked our pompadours for a quarter back then.

Rosita the Riveter wrote:

My father finds it baffling why I have 7 bottles of hard liquor in various states of consumption, two of which are rum and three of which are whiskey. He just doesn't get it.

One needs Irish whiskey for simple, basic whiskey drinking. Nice and earthy, makes a body comfortable.

One needs a special whisky for more "been doing really good lately" drinking. Ideally this would be scotch, but the overpriced French whisky does the job just as well.

One needs bourbon for watching/reading Westerns/other American fiction.

One needs tequila for getting rowdy.

One needs gin for getting a bit rowdy but not as rowdy as tequila.

One needs black rum for dark mixed drinks. Very assertive, makes itself known through cola well.

One needs light rum for lighter mixed drinks or drinking straight. Nice and versatile.

You are already 7/10's of the way to writing a good or better country & western song.

*steel guitar:* wah wahwahwah wahwah wahwah wahwah waaaaaah

CC: Waaal, Irish whuskey's basic
JT: Good whusky makes ya fly
CC: Readin' Zane Grey without bourbon
JT: Makes Marty Robbins cry
CC: Ah gets tanked up on Tequila, in Tijuana Town
JT: But dark rum and Coca-Cola or cheap gin will calm me down

Omnes: OOOOH, SEVEN TYPES OF LIQUOR, THAT'S JUST ENOUGH FOR ME
THOUGH I SQUISHED MAH DOG 'NEATH MAH BRAND NEW TRUCK
AND MAH CLOTHES SMELL OF CAT PEE
MAH WIFE'S PONKIN' MAH TWO BEST FRIENDS
BENEATH THE CHRISTMAS TREE
BUT SEVEN TYPES OF LIQUOR, WILL BE ENOUGH FOR ME