Who are you people and what are you doing in this lovely fixer-upper?
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*ba dum tiss*
... Well, well, well. Lookee here. *builds Nest of Ill-Omen in largely vacant space*
Eh. They'll be fine. Dammit. *kicks rocks*
All Glory to the Stormcrow.
DIBS!
Krojun: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint. 'Ello, Miss? PC: What do you mean "miss"? Krojun: I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint! PC: We're closin' for lunch. Krojun: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this Cindermaw what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique. PC: Oh yes, the, uh, the variant worm...What's,uh...What's wrong with it? Krojun: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. 'E's dead, that's what's wrong with it! PC: No, no, 'e's uh,...he's resting. Krojun: Look, matey, I know a dead worm when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now. PC: No no he's not dead, he's, he's restin'! Remarkable critter, the variant purple worm, idn'it, ay? Beautiful hide! Krojun: The hide don't enter into it. It's stone dead. PC: Nononono, no, no! 'E's resting! Krojun: All right then, if he's restin', I'll wake him up! Ello, Mister Cindermaw! I've got a lovely fresh horse for you if you show... (PC pokes the corpse with a stick) PC: There, he moved! Krojun: No, he didn't, that was you poking the corpse! PC: I never!! Krojun: Yes, you did! PC: I never, never did anything... Krojun: 'ELLO CINDERMAW!!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call! Now that's what I call a dead worm. PC: No, no.....No, 'e's stunned! Krojun: STUNNED?!? PC: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin' up! Giant worms stun easily, major. Krojun: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That worm is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not 'alf an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged rampage. PC: Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for the darklands. Krojun: PININ' for the DARKLANDS?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got 'im home? PC: Cindermaw prefers keepin' on it's back! Remarkable worm, id'nit, squire? Lovely hide! Krojun: Look, I took the liberty of examining that worm when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the first place was that it had been NAILED there. (pause) PC: Well, o'course it was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed that worm down, it would have nuzzled up to those bars, melted 'em apart, and VOOM! Feeweeweewee! Krojun: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this worm wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through it! 'E's bleedin' demised! PC: No no! 'E's pining! Krojun: 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This worm is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisible!! THIS IS AN EX-WORM!! (pause) PC: Well, I'd better replace it, then. Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop, and uh, we're right out of giant worms. Krojun: I see. I see, I get the picture. PC: I got an imp. (pause) Krojun: Pray, does it swallow people whole? PC: Nnnnot really. Krojun: WELL IT'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!!???!!? PC: N-no, I guess not Krojun: Well. (pause) PC: (quietly) D'you.... d'you want to still let us continue the adventure because capsizing the whole campaign over this would be a major pain in the rear?? Krojun: Yeah, all right, sure.
Pfft, amateurs, I sacrificed anyone I ever played 1E with to the gods of change and darkness.
Does any particular variety of mewling mortal humanoid spawn serve as better minions for you than others, or are they equally useful, given their shared limitations?
Once you finish your wholly successful and inevitable annihilation of the elves of Kyonin, what's next?
Subverting expectations just for the sake of subverting expectations does not a good story make. *cough*TheLastJedi*cough* Moreover... cliches are gonna be rife in these little "get a taste" snippets. Having the baron be a clever, capable, and skookum hombre might subvert expectations, but it wouldn't give a person new to Golarion quite the right notion of Taldor's schtick.
Stop feeding the contrarian, kids, he's leading you astray. As far as the OP goes... If we're getting less Hook Mountain Massacre stuff in print, and if stuff like Folca is getting binned, well... it's because Paizo has matured a fair bit. All the horrible people doing horrible things are still out there, but as a company looking to sell books, Paizo doesn't need Little Johnny's angry parents canceling his subscription because Ogre Skull Jigs were too prominently detailed in the latest AP volume. Note that if you want to put a little more of an "edge" into what's going on, the material and implications are usually there. Some of the Gaedren Lamm backstories my group came up with were WAY nastier than anything Paizo has put out in black and white, to the point where I can't actually detail them here. What my group's slayer did with some of the heroes the party defeats in Hell's Vengeance? I can best sum it by saying, "sometimes dead is better." (Note also that using the flayed skin of one of your heroic humanoid enemies as a flag is actually a canon success condition in that campaign) We took our Strange Aeons characters down some particularly dark roads with what happened in their "gap years" (the tamest example: My occultist found out she'd had a daughter with Lowls, and had sacrificed the baby on an altar to further their schemes). There's still plenty of nasty out there, Paizo's just not stringing Christmas lights around it anymore...
Those chaos toad-things worry me.
Do you really want to waste resources and effort punishing those Caydenites for being irresponsible alcoholics when there's baby eating worshippers of Lammashtu just a few miles south of them? YES. Yes you do!
Sebastion, the Pathfinder 2nd Edition War will make all other edition wars look like an elementary school fight. I do not see how we will win this war; however, I will join the fight and hope for the best. What else can we do? A strange game. The only winning move isnot to play.
Nidal, my home sweet home!
I SMELL EDITION WARS SEEPING INTO A RULES-NEUTRAL THREAD! HUZZAH!
That's three!
Gonna just go with Besmara "deposing" an ascended and reformed Nocticula by stealing her from the Abyss and marrying her, regardless of canon.Mustn't.... ship... TOO LATE!
Paizo and Jessica have indeed parted ways. My bad, folks! Sock puppet alias joking aside, I hope she doesn't drop off the face of the earth- her posts were always worth a read, and the work she's put in (and, as a contributor, very well might still do) speaks for itself. Thanks for giving us that stellar Qadira book before you took your leave, Jessica!
Good lord the holidays are depressing.
I swear, I was just puzzled and baffled by the elf stuff on the River Sellen...
That soul-crushing elf question was me. C'est la vie. |