Big Mammy Grillz's page

Loads Sarajuana with +5 Koboldbane shot

Yew wan' I should put a warning shot cross his snout Ghidorah?

Big Mammy stares at the floating beer-vomiting head

"No more soup fer me."

Takes a pull off the frothy beer.

"How'd yew keep it cold?"

Big Mammy shakes her head again.

"Evertime I look 'round sometin' weird happinin' round heah."

Looks at the three-headed hippeh

"Ghidorah, yew make that soup wif' them mushrooms what yew find in the cowflops? That an' the lil' blue critter's guts mixed up together done messed up my, whatchacall it, perspectaves."

Shakes her large novelty beer mug more violently

"Dagnabbit! Cain't a lady get a refill on this sorry porch?"

Big Mammy drains her drink and waves her novelty plastic beer mug with a giant kobold sticker on it to and fro.

"Anyone heah set a lady up with a fresh PBR?"

Thass my boy! Yew go stab that hippeh wif yer lil' cocktail fork Froggy. Make him cry.

Ayup

Wheered that 'Freeti feller with the magic fingers get off to?

shakes her head, dislodging several squirrels

That was jest a bit too much. Leastaways the parrot's gone now.

Looks over at Sebastian's Mother

Bertha Lou! Izzat yew? I haven't seen yew in a dog's age girl, how yew bin? I heered yer boy Sebby went to that there St. Kitts corresponece skewl and made hisself a genuwine ambulance chaser! Heered he'd loaded up the truck and moved to ol' SD. Diego that is .. immigrants, porno stars.

A plucking banjo song starts up in the distance

Big Mammy looks at the pirate hat, coat, patch and colorful parrot that has suddenly materialized on her corpulent frame.

"What the tarnation's goin on round heah?"

Looks at the three-headed hippy

"Yew spike my likker with somea that hippeh LDS yew all 'sposed to be hepped up on, Ghidorah?"

Big Mammy shambles over to the cask of shine. She taps the bung and takes a healthy swallow.

Yew musta got this here keg of corn squeezins off of ol' Giles Corey. Durn fool is always gettin' hisself stoned.

**rimshot**

Yew go on ahead Ghidorah. Them revenuers caint never find ol' Betsy no matter how many times they wander the hollers 'round heah.

*click* *click*

***BOOM***

Yew tellin' me Hooty that thar three heded Ghidorah hippeh is some sorta chang-go-tay like what we had fer BBQ jest naow? Well if'n that don't beat all! Guess it's time fer seconds! Froggy! More Hippeh bane shot!

*click* *click*

***BOOM***

Heck Froggy, that hippeh ain't my cuzzin. Only cuzzin I got's with three heds is cuzzin' Clem an' he lives alla way down in Appalachicola.

Purt' near the way o'things, Ghidorah.

Reloads Sarajuana with hippeh bane shot

*click* *click*

Big Mammy looks at Le French Chef

"If'n yew wanna stick around why don't yew git crackin' on some party snacks Frenchie. Make a big mess a mudbugs and jumbalayah if'n yew is 'tres cajon'."

Big Mammy frowns at the three-headed hippy

"Ghidorah yew better skedaddle afore the lich and the zombie come on back from the PBR keg. Nothin' they loves better than hippeh brains for a snack."

Big Mammy looks over at the warwoof

"Sorry 'bout yer 'project race car' there wolfie"

Shucks Ghidorah, That there El Camino's been off the road since ol Peanut Head wuz the prezident. Durn hippeh.

Durn Ewwropeein' hippehs allus trowin' these here bombs. Lahk they wuz all anarchrists or somethin'.

Tosses seed bomb off the porch, accidentally blowing up a nearby '73 El Camino on cinderblocks in the front yard

Ayup.

Dang cajun hippehs and their bayoo tawk. Caint hardly unnerstan 'em.

*click* *click*

***BOOOM***

Ehhh ... Non

*click* *click*

***BOOOM***

Now whut that scaly kowbowld critter drop naow?

Bends down, picks up bomb. Licks fingers with an disturbingly large tongue and douses the bomb's fuse with saliva.

"Stoopid kowbowld hippeh."

Hippie bane, isn't that made from the slime trails left behind at the Republican convention?

Naw hippeh bane is made a' soap, ground up Slayer CDs and job applications!

Bring me some a them fancy shells Froggy! If'n I caint have shark liver than hippeh stew is the next bestest thang!

Still aiming at the badly-drawn cartoon shark in his dune buggy

*click* *click*

***BOOOM***

Durn fish has more lives than a revenuer!

*click* *click*

***BOOOOOOOM***

***BOOOOOM***

*click* *click*

***BOOOOOM***

Nothin' like mercury-salted shark liver! Thems good eatins!

aims Sarajuana at the pesky fish

Who brought the dawgs?

Of course! We eat insects, porks, and anything mamma manages to cook!

That cuz Froggy's a Mexican Staring Frog from Southern Sri Lanka.

What in tarnation is that hippeh sayin'?

Poor Froggy, yew just need ta lern yew some reglar folk talk. We don' talk like no sissified hippehs 'round heah.

ayup

sho 'nuff

Ayup

Ok Froggy, yew better drink another of those Ko-roh-nahs yew brought to the party. Here's a bowl of stewed possum an' turnip Mr. Dwarf. There's chang-go-tay grillin' out back by the Pabst Blue Ribbon keg if yew like BBQ.

Who wants seconds?

Changote-roasting Big Mamma... sob!

Aww don' be sad Froggy! I jus' hadda visit the jakes out back.

adjusts dirty muu muu

No did yew eat alla yer chang-go-tay? Yew still look a mite skinny!

waves the air

We gots dem flying squirrels back in de kitchen! Froggy help! Dey's gonna ruin the soup!

OWW! one a dem lil' rats done bit my beauty mark!

Big Pappy allus tol' me, "Never shoot no amm U nition what be smarter than yew." I allus go by what Big Pappy tol' me.

Examines large hole in the shack's wall

Durn it! I missed that thar kewbowld. That thar's armor-piercin' shot warwoof. It gots that thar de-pleet-ted Uranial stuff fer its skin, gives it a good kick.

Lemmings, be sure to have you's magic armor on before attacking. Ogres have armor-piercing shells!

Thar he is!

**BLAM**

ret nextu thu tuna sammich yew....misplasd.

Retreives said sammich

Thats whar that went off tew! Thot the rats'd got it.

Snarfles down sammich nosily

**BELCH** Now where was we? Oh yeh, kewbowld huntin'

Locks and loads Sarajuana

Thass my good Froggy! Now go clean yer plate. Yer chang-go-tay's gettin' cold.

Looks around

No whared that thar kewbowld go?

Big Mammy ponders

Ol' Sarajuana will do right nicely Froggy. Make sure yew loderup with them armor-piercing shells. Kewbowlds have thick hides!

Mama Grillz is creepy ogre.

Smacks lips

Now that thar kewbowld is jest what I needs fer my choclit armadilla upsidown cake. Ain't got no armadilla, but kewbowld'll do in a pinch. Froggy, go fetch mah shootin' iron.

Carves a healthy portion of roast Bigfoot off for the little frog

There yew go Froggy. An' here be yer new sweater!

Pops a brownish-colored rough-weave sweater over the frog's head

Who's havin' somea dis chang-go-tay critter? It's purt near done.

Sure thing yew cute lil' Froggy! That fur looks 'bout 'nuff to cover yew.

grabs the knitting needles

Now you keep that chang-go-tay turnin' good while I knit yew heah?

Thass Ok Froggy, there's plenny of meat on thisun'

Ladles homemade BBQ sauce on the skinned Bigfoot turning slowly over the fire pit.

Don't spin that thar critter too fast! He won't cook no better you try an' crank him' up like Model T!

Lookie thar! It's another onea them big chang-go-tay critters! Gettim!

Thanks for the refill 'freeti! That shur be one handy power what yew have thar.

I do likes Froggy-boy's beer, might have me a boilermaker. There be some limes in this thar place for dat Kew-ro-nah? Yew got any Two Horse over there Froggy? I shur do love that Two Horse Beer. Drank my fill as a youngun when I rode back a' Big Pappy's bike down Juarez way back in the day.

**Belch**

My stars that big monkey what yew caught Larry make us some fine eatins! Lemme get my molasses and some spices an' I'll make up some sauce for him!

Aww ain't he a cute lil' critter. Here yah go Froggy, have some 'possum and turnip stew. It'll put some scales on yer hide.

Raises the now empty mason jar

What's a lady got ta do teh get a refill round heah!