Assassin's Ombudsman's page

I would.

Maybe a bit excessive, but at least it gets the job done.

Go ahead. You need all the practice you can get, judging from what I've seen so far.

The Worst Person Ever wrote:

And, if that fails...

WILL SMITH!

*smack*

You just made me increase my asking price to perform a Quality Removal. Pretty sure someone'll pay...

Given that you're *this close* to going into Special Measures, sunshine, your Removals are anything but Quality. C minus at best.

10 Demerits, in that case. I hope your New Year's Resolution is to try harder, sunbeam.

If it is, YEARS of painstaking research have been wasted.

NobodysHome wrote:

OK, I did due diligence, and apparently the general consensus is that baking soda will make chocolate chip cookies, but it's a PITA:

- You have to put the cookies in the oven the moment you're done mixing
- You can't mix too much (probably my mistake, as I use a mixer)
- The dough can't be too cold
- etc.

In short, if you're not ready to make a serious commitment to getting everything right, then baking soda cookies aren't for you.

And now I know...

I do not consider myself a good cook. However, I am good at the few things I do make. I've been told this by the survivors.

Cookies are not one of those things I'm good at. You can ask one of the survivors, if you can find any.

Now, clearly your definition of 'good' and the Examinations Board's are very different. That's a solid A* grade for certain.

That explains quite a lot actually.

Your wives can't kill you sooner.

No, they can't. The timeslot assigned for Pulg's demise is 12:00pm-15:45, and we must keep to schedule.

I love pronouns.

I'm trying to do my weekly status report.

"A student tried to do one of the, 'Please do not do this' practices. I had them flagged for removal for the next release."

And I realized I'd just flagged the student for removal...

Good job! That's worth 5 course credits - 15 if you finish the job using a stuffed minotaur head.

I cant strangle my boss.

Well, I'm not surprised, given that you're only halfway through the Intermediate course. That isn't covered until Module 8.1.2d

Freehold is in charge of the artillery? Does that make him the thread General or Regent? I always saw him as the Warden for some reason.

I have been playing far too much Kingmaker since the DLC went on sale and I bought the season pass.

All I know is Tac is the High Priest and Orthos the Magister, and Limey most likely seems like the Royal Assassin, because of his mastery of weaponry.

I'm clearly thinking too much about this.

Oh, certainly he can, but be sure he doesn't take you too literally and start believing he's Robespierre or Oliver Cromwell again.

I'm listening to a call on our HR product.

"So, suppose this was an involuntary termination..."

I am *SO* tempted to ask, "Isn't that just a nice way of saying 'assassination'?"

No. Making it look like an involuntary termination is part of your Grade Seven examination; merely taking credit for an involuntary termination is an automatic fail and will most likely get you thrown off the course, and into one of the many spiked pits we keep around campus for underperforming students.

What about our magical sky shadow assassin fairy?

That's Grade Six, and you're only licenced up to Grade Four.

My only goal for today was to NOT get killed or maimed.

But, between the truck without a seatbelt, the tree that's been trying to drop walnuts on my head, and the sixty foot drop off six inches off my mini bobcat path I'm beginning to wonder if that's a realistic goal.

Edit: Well, at least I have that going for me! I should send some pictures to the General.

Ah, the deadly Wisconsin Walnut. A solid choice, if non allergy based nut slayings are what you're after.

Well , I'm happy to say that having achieved Band Three certification, Limey is now officially the Death of Kettles as well as the Death of Houseplants.

I'll tell you what, I'm revoking the New World Order's accreditation. Some of the most pathetic murders it's ever been my misfortune to witness.

I stick a li'l ol' stiletto in a man.

Very poor. Regulations require giant centipede or better. Report to the Old Man's office after the hasheesh frolics are over, please, Skiron.

Good job!

H'mmm, 'mild-mannered chef pant assassin', eh?

Full marks for innovation, but I'm not sure how you intend to Hide In Shadows while wearing kekkers decorated with a lurid bell pepper motif. Go and lurk over there and I'll do your Skulking Audit now.

*Sees Vidmaster7 at the top of the thread.*

Congratulations, let's have a drink!

*Grabs a nearby cup with liquid in it, drinks only to realise that it was IHIYC's drink, starts to die from the poison.*

D'oh!

Oh, Oil of Aaaaaaaaaaagh, I see. Very nice.

You see, folks, that's why Vid's Inner Ninja's customer satisfaction score is so high. Watch and learn!

Easy. Now, let's see what the Elf has sent through...

One... Two... Three...

This is all very well, but would it kill you to put all these on the roster beforehand?

Would it kill you. Ohohoho. Just for you, cheekyface...

Oh, that's model 0567-KG-03. Good old 0567-KG-03. However, if you haven't dissolved yet, someone's forgotten to apply the blagnugle paste again

This is going on your record, whoever you are.

EDIT: And by the way, aren't the Ombudsman's New Clothes just fabulous?

Freehold DM wrote:

My fingers are numb all of a sudden...

~concerned look~ Just your fingers? Are you sure that no OTHER extremities are going numb? ~grumbles~ Now what slow acting contact poison did I use? ~reads through the description~ DAMN!!! I used slow acting contact poison F12, instead of slow acting contact poison F21. ~shrugs~ Oh well. I guess I do not mind if he suffers excruciating pain and hallucinations instead of a gradual madness and loss of certain body parts.

Oh, dear. Oh, dear, dear dear. Sloppy. That means you'll lose out on ISO accreditation this year. Recite the Assassin's Creed 20 times, jab yourself in the eye with a suitably unrealistic but cool concealed weapon and report back to me using feedback form 203975489b/350 and hopefully I shan't have to take things any further.