Ao, Overgod's page

Yeah, what they said . . .

Oh, and I have no idea if I'm still employed either . . . my agent won't even call me back.

WOTC hasn't called me back in months . . . I think they gave my job to that SOB. If I still had control over an entire multiverse, I'd make his life a living hell . . . hell, I'd make him his own hell. I could have done it too . . . back in the day.

What the hell does an unemployed Overgod do anyway?

So, I just want to know, am I going to get blamed for this "Spellplague" thing? And if I'm not, do I get any face time? I mean, back in 2nd edition they trotted me out for everything . . . seriously, you can't get me a better gig than this column? Hell, the High God just got a bit in that DragonLance book, the least you can do . . . eh

Er, um . . . sorry, just talking to my agent on the old celly . . .

So, um, Bizarro wanted me to clean up a few questions for him before moving on into his bright and shiny new direction for his column, so, without further ado . . .

I was going to directly implant the answers to all of the questions in everyone's minds that still had an unanswered question, but instead of that, I decided to travel back in time and erase all of the questions that weren't answered, so that they never happened.

Handy huh.

So, um . . . WOTC? If you're out there . . . just remember . . . I can do stuff like that. Joe Quesada has Mephisto on his speed dial just for things like this, and I'm a lot more pleasant to be around, just saying.

So, um, back to Bizarro.

That sounds amazingly like something in our home campaign when 2nd edition rolled through.

Now, Lord Ao, are you going to fix this mess, or leave it up to those WotC people?

You know, I'm actually on vacation for the next century or so, and I can't get a refund on the tickets, so for now I'm going to let it go. Plus, between reading this lame issue of Spider Man and looking at the mess WOTC already made, I figure if I just hit the reset button, nobody can really complain much anyway. I'll just say that Elminster made a deal with Asmodeus to give up women for 100 years or so, and Asmodeus makes it like the last 119 years never happened or something like that.

Perhaps Ao didn't want them to ascend? Maybe Ao wanted the world reunited? Maybe he just didn't care?

Funny thing. This whole "Spellplague" thing starts up, and gods start trying to kill each other left and right, even though I told them not too the last time this stuff happened, so I was about to ground them, and about that time WOTC called me in for a meeting, sat me down in a room with Vecna and Chaos, and asked us what we would do if we had to chance to completely change our respective universes.

Well, I had plenty of notes. Vecna wouldn't let anyone else see his notes. Chaos just took out a marker and wrote on the meeting room table "KILLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!"

So I figured the meeting was pretty much a waste of time, but I had a few good notes. I peek back into the multiverse, and all of the sudden, half the planes were turned inside out, dead gods were everywhere, and half the planet was fused with some other planet I threw out in the early development stage because I got bored with it.

Creates candle in new alternate universe where he has his summer home.

Lights candle with plasma from one of his stars.

Ponders why no one likes Crystal Spheres anymore.

Taps on Crystal Sphere.

Hopes if he makes a new set of gods, they don't grow up to act like the old ones.

Forgets why he was lighting the candle in the first place.

Realizes 1000 years have passed.

Wonders if Drizzt and Elminster are still around now.

As for your existence, let me assure you that in 4e FR, you will be retconned back into the game. We have chosen you as the diety of the new Magic Pony Kingdom High School Musical Land, our attempt to cross over with the tween girl audience. We sincerely hope that you like pink, purple, and sparkles as much as our target demographic.

Best regards,
Sebastian
CEO of Hasbro

::Sigh::

Its a paycheck . . .

Hey Sebastian,

Since you are CEO of Hasbro now, can you do me a favor? Next time you go to dinner with George Lucas, ask him why the heck he is putting out a Clone Wars cartoon . . . I mean, isn't that horse dead already?

Oh, and can you tell me if I've been retconned out of existence in 4th edition? Thanks.

Sincerely,

Ao, Overgod