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Knuckle salutes JRHM. Much obliged, Guvn'r. We used boats similar to this rig in our days in Burma.
Reggie comes speeding through the frog pond in a large hover boat, carrying Panama Jack and a portable bar. It zooms towards Jack's Right Hand Man and comes to a stop just after smashing the peasant.
After an unrealistically short period of time, the Bentley is seen returning, followed by a large Acme™ truck. Ill-shaven workmen in overalls, wearing silver and orange hard hats and smoking cigar stubs, get out of the truck as a familiar industrial tune seems to echo from somewhere outside. The name "Mack" is heard several times. A crate is dropped off the back of the truck that reads "Acme™ Industrial Strength Multi-use Netting." In a cloud of industry, they quickly assemble the new volleyball net/giant sling shot over the fine bone sand court. Opening the rear French doors, Reggie says,
I believe everything is ready sirs...and madams.
Reggie is motioned over by PJ while the Jacks & Jills are discussing and grinding...sand. He takes a few notes from the Colonel, and gets out the keys to the Bentley on his way to Acme Depot™.
Here you are, M'm. The Colonel makes especially fine Margaritas, Dark and Stormies, and Mojitos, if I may say so.
Sets the new Jill's drink down with a bow.
Wrestles Cousin Joe down, regretting much that he had filled him up with coffee, and carries him back to the Jacks' basement.
Runs alone side Cousin Joe, pouring coffee into his mouth as he does so from a french press.
Master Joe, Sir, aren't you supposed to still be in the basement, undergoing Jack-conversion? Why aren't you Joe-Jack yet?
Puts fresh towels down for the sunbathers, as Panama continues.
As PJ continues the tale, Reggie sets Callous Jack up with a gin and tonic.
That Mujabr was the smelliest bugger I ever did meet, he interjects. And to the cat, Always did fancy me a cat. Anything is friendlier than that gorilla.
Puts a saucer of milk out for the kitty while the Col. continues his story.
Right here, sir. Gives knuckle salute. I was the colonel's aide my entire time in her Majesty's service, and, as you can see, still serve as his man. Yes, what he says is true. I had to fend off the chieftain's attentions until the raid settled our position with the tribe, and we could be on our way. John Barritt was with us, whose ginger beer you are now enjoying in your drink. Don't forget the lion of Khubsheth, sir!
Sees Callous Jack walk in.
G'day, governor. Care for a drink while the Col. tells his tale of our adventure in the Sahara?
To enjoy an authentic Bermudan Dark & Stormy, be sure and use Gosling's Black Seal Rum and Barritt's Ginger Beer.
Serves the gentlemen Jacks their drinks.
And gentlemen, keep in mind as you listen to the Col's story, that his companion was Barritt, although it sounded like the Col. mistakenly said "Bartlett".
Sorry, Sir. When I was stationed in Cairo, the local mullahs were particularly hard on alcohol, so I assumed any Egyptian beer was ancient Egyptian beer. We always had India Pale Ale imported for the men. And I always associated Stella with Stella Artois, which I know the Col. drinks at times. Are you sure you wouldn't rather have the Dark & Stormy?
Splat.
Retires momentarily to clean his swatter.
Steps forward with a tray and a drink.
Try a Dark and Stormy, sir, made with Baritt's Ginger Beer and Black Seal Rum. This tasty Bermudan favorite may wash away unexplained desires for beverages which may no longer exist. It also packs a more powerful punch than you might suspect.
In an ingratiating tone: I believe it's pronounced, Guy-Jacks, Master Hammer...
Opens the doors to the buffet room, where multiple platters of Hungry Jack's cookin are laid out for the Jack's Friday Lunch Buffet, in front of the tapped kegs of Stella Artois.
Very good, sir. Then I'll give it a go.
Pours the delicious and fortifying rum into the plant's pot, along with the nutritive plant food.
Sir, might I make a suggestion? I have here a bottle of Black Seal Rum and also a bottle of Panama Jack's Magical Plant Food. I suggest giving them both to Master PlantJack. The one should revive the Jack part of him, the other the Plant part of him.
Walks in wearing overalls and safety goggles, a belt of tools, and begins nailing lumber over the hole.
That's a good ape, there Jacking. You stay put while I patch up this hole until the construction crew can arrive tomorrow morning. You just keep an eye on that ghost of a kobold who's talking to himself outside while I finish up here.
Continues hammering.
Walks over with bloody bucket and mop.
I've just finished cleaning up what was left of an intrusive peasant on the floor, Guv'ner. Would you like it or should I toss it out?
Right away, Sir!
Let's go, you.
Grabs Anarcho-Syndicalist Peasant by the scruff of the neck and marches to the door handing him over to
Apparently, sir, it also results in split personalities with delusions of grandeur!
I believe he is hallucinating, sir!
I believe there is a saying apropos of such a sentiment, sir!
Snaps to attention.
Happy to oblige, Guhvnuh.
Here sir, let me help you with that. Hoses down the excited poodle. Turning to hose off the other leg, he stares in disbelief at Tarren Dei, stammering. Bloody...hell...
Walks through the house with a high-powered water house.
Got to clean up this sty before the Colonel returns. He don't like no piles of excrement, he don't.
Right-ho, sir. Tubes in hand. Let me know when I need to squirt the tubes on the bats. I believe it will allow healing without interrupting the initiation, sir!
Reggie blanches visibly at his master's command. Gulping, he steps forward with a leash.
Right then. Come on, Jackin Ape. Be a good lad...there-there...
He leashes the ape and leads him out.
Bolts into the room with a net...which he drops unto the floor as he stares in disbelief.
Colonel Sir, he seems to have...grown.
Bwah...bwah-bwah...
Young lady, would you like me to show you the Mews of the Jacks? You may pet the ponies there...
Sir, I have the flamethrower ready...take cover behind JRHM and I will take care of these lemmings...
[BLASTS LEMMINGS TO ASHES]
Sir! I have my hand on the disintegration field lever to end the lizard, should the vermin not obey your orders!
[sets up the Gatling gun, hold the ammo strip while Col. PJ takes the crank]
Sir, I took the liberty this morning of setting out the anti-magic tanning lotion with your bath!
Kobold Cleaver wrote: You know what? That's it. I need to speed this up.
*Channels lightning down hallway*
*All pits and all arrow traps are welded shut*
[Clobbers the kobold from behind with the butt of the fowling piece, sending him flying out the door.]
[in mid air, the fowling piece lets lose on the DL]
BLAM!
[Operates lever, opening a yawning pit trap underneath the kobold, full of blended oils.]
Kobold Cleaver wrote: Adj. Reginald, aide-de-camp wrote: Sir, [snaps salute] while you provided covering fire, I relocated the package to the safe room! Um, the seagull still has it. You have a fake. Sir, the package was identified by the scanner as correct when it entered the safe room!
Sir, [snaps salute] while you provided covering fire, I relocated the package to the safe room!
Aims at gulls BLAM!
Fouling pieces loaded, Sir!
Very good, sir!
Sets to work with a will.
Right here, Sir!
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