It was a dark and stormy night.

Heathansson found himself making useless threads throughout.

But there was evil afoot the messageboards,

stalking werewolves frightening subscribers wearing nothing but

a "modestly" placed Rod of Lordly Might.

(Edit: unless the subject is plural, in which case `some "modestly" placed Rods of Lordly Might.`)

Shockingly, the stalkers revealed themselves by suddenly

(Edit: when in doubt, more is more, so our subject is plural)

rolling intiative without waiting for anyone else.

Instantly, their Rods changed into flaming longswords +1

a most cacophanous chorus of the damned

anyone had ever heard then started singing

"Total Eclipse of the Heart" to induce

crazed hobbo sex at the local Tacohell

...which lasted well into the next evening.

The rain fell, and the thunder clapped

as nature desperately tried to drown out

the dreadful banshee-wail of Bonnie Tyler tunes

(Were the werewolves or the subscribers wearing the aforementioned rods?)

. Alas, it was unsuccesful, as the hellish

(It must be the werewolves - not even deranged werewolves would be silly enough to stalk anyone that wears a Rod of lordly might)

sound like horribly dying krenshars wailed on

by berserk wolverines in a bagpipe factory

mercilessly tore the weeping night itself asunder.

Again and again the Thunderer cast Mjolnir

against clouds of hollow steel, booming louder

as clouds marched so marched the Einherjar,

hair braided with ceremonial battle plaits, weapons

drawn and sharp at Jotunheim's gates marching

across the Bifrost bridge to wage war

at twilight of the gods last gleaming

star before it burst into a thousand

sunbursts bright enough to blind all who

looked upon it. In the end, nobody

saw it until the thing was upon

them, and then it was too late;

Bonnie Tyler had taken over the world

, enslaving all mortals in her attempt to

revive her career. Her attempt would ultimately

cause massive outbreaks of cannibalism, mayhem, rioting,

and the timely demise of Bonnie Tyler.

This prophetic foretelling greatly relieved everyone, as

the evil Lich Queen of the 80's

was responsible for much self-mutilation and apocalyptic

cult activities, all of which had been

blamed on metal bands such as W.A.S.P.,

and Michael Jackson. The authorities investigating the

incident were holding out for a hero.

Wait, what are the rules of this

Hey!?!?! Why did my last message get

Ah. I see. I guess I'm ruining

Never mind. Carry on. I am done.

Not just any hero, mind you, but

one that was fresh from the fight;