Neil, thanks for that. I think that is quality advice, and you lay it out well. I imagine that is what any fantasy gaming publisher wants out of an adventure . . .be it Open Call or a DDI Dungeon submission.
Sure thing, Rogue. I'm relatively new to Paizo's boards (i.e., I lurked during the Dungeon days and rarely posted), but hope to eventually contribute to Pathfinder or GameMastery. Since I've been here, you're one of the few I've had cause to interact with in various discussions. You've got a good head on your shoulders. And, for what it's worth, I'm pulling for you to win the next round. So, if any of that advice proves useful...more power to you.
--Neil
Ashenvale(Pathfinder Adventure Path Charter Subscriber; Companion Subscriber)
Ashenvale wrote:
Here's mine. Please criticize! All scathing attacks are welcome! Help me learn!
Eyebite wrote:
Hey! I had an airship that crashed too!
Ha! Well, if you had one too, I'm taking that as praise.
Edit: But I wonder if airships run afoul of Proposal Killer No. 6: "Use of challenges or rewards not in line with 4th-level characters."
Mactaka(Pathfinder Adventure Path Charter Subscriber; Companion Subscriber)
Eyebite wrote:
Hey! I had an airship that crashed too!
Ha! Well, if you had one too, I'm taking that as praise.
Edit: But I wonder if airships run afoul of Proposal Killer No. 6: "Use of challenges or rewards not in line with 4th-level characters."
I fell into the gnoll category...but I think they are a good challenge for 4th level PCs. Plus I like giving class levels to monsters.
However, my main adversaries were to be undead.
I dont know about the airship thing..Eberron's initial trilogy has flying craft and it for characters about that level. Then again, this isn't Eberron, so maybe things pervasive in other campaign worlds, not so in Golarion.
Fluff v Crunch--> will definitely remember that for next time. Save fluff for final product.
Edit: But I wonder if airships run afoul of Proposal Killer No. 6: "Use of challenges or rewards not in line with 4th-level characters."
I was worried about that too, so I had the thing crash towards the midway point of the adventure. It was going to be an awesome fight scene though.
3 ghast monks (doomsday cult) were going to trail the party through the Chalkwood and use crossbows to shoot lines into the hull of the airship overhead. Scaling the ropes when most of the crew was asleep, they were going to quietly kill the skeleton crew on duty and blow the ship up with a bead from a necklace of fireballs.
The PCs storm the deck as the ship reels towards the ground. Flames and chunks of wood everywhere. 2 of the ghast monks use their slow fall ability to run down the ropes, 1 cuts his rope so there is no chance of escape and fights to the death. The PCs have to make balance checks as pieces of ship and forest fly at them like shrapnel, while battling an undead monk in a kung fu-esque showdown.
Ah, I still can't wait to run this adventure in a homebrew game.
Mark Gedak 27(Paizo Charter Superscriber, Pathfinder Battles Case Subscriber)
This is mine:
Spoiler:
From the community of Azurestone a great treasure has been stolen. For years the Red Raven statue has brought prosperity to this little community. It is thought to bring blessings from Erastil to the community, allowing them to farm in an area that is too rich in copper deposits to support agriculture. What the village is unaware of is that the Red Raven is the prison of a native succubus agent of Calistria. The succubus is able to draw the copper from the soil from within her prison to sate her hunger.
In the chase to recapture the red raven the heroes will need to traverse a number of harsh environments to uncover clues about the statue and to reclaim it before it reaches the Fog Peak Mountains. In their travels they will need to trespass through Swinehold (the kingdom of the wereboars) and escape uninfected. They will encounter a fey trickster agent of Calistria who will try to mislead them by providing them with advice that could lead to the release of the succubus agent. Since winter is fast approaching the heroes may need to deal with inclement weather and freak storms.
The thief is a Shoanti druid who has been told by an ancestor spirit (really the fey trickster) that the Red Raven is a cultural artefact that was stolen from his people by the Chelaxian explorer that founded the community of Azurestone. The druid and his fire pelt companion are part of a Shoanti tribe that was thought to have been destroyed. He travels to Fog Peak Mountains to re-establish his tribe in their native community. He has sent messages to the other Shoanti tribes and descendents of the lost tribe have begun the pilgrimage to the Fog Peaks to celebrate their renewal.
The heroes will eventually arrive at the ancestral home of the lost tribe and need to face the druid and the pilgrims. The final showdown takes place in a barren mountain valley that was once the home of the lost Shoanti tribe. The tribe will be involved in a blood ritual to awaken their ancestor (actually freeing the succubus). The ritual is preventable if the heroes can prevent the tribes sacrifice without shedding too much blood. If the heroes only solve their problems with weapons and bloodshed, they likely will release the succubus agent as well. The Shoanti may change sides once they realize that they have been tricked. Since this adventure is a “chase” it is possible that the heroes could catch the druid before he reaches the ancestral home and options will need to be presented for that option.
Trickery Faeries (Faecadian) serves as one of the new monsters for this adventure. They are medium size with the ability to alter their form and conceal their alignment. They magical abilities are enchantment based and are focused on spreading dissent, distrust and confusion.
Azurestone is a remote community which quarries fine blue marble in the rugged foothills of the Fog Peak Mountains. The town is built upon a once-important religious site for the demon-worshipping gnolls who now live in the surrounding hills. The gnoll temple held a small gate through which demons could enter the world.
The first human settlers drove the gnolls out and tore down their temple. They sealed the gate with a crystal taken from a monolith in the Fog Peak Mountains. The settlers built a cenotaph to hold the crystal and dedicated it to those who died fighting the gnolls. The crystal has a visible flaw inside that looks like a red bird. It is actually a demon that was caught in the portal at the moment it was sealed
Now an Elven Ranger named Mologo Tangi has stolen the Crystal. Mologo came to Azurestone from his distant homeland through a portal in monolith in the Fog Peak Mountains. He has lived in Azurestone for over a year and has secretly forged an alliance with the hill gnolls. The gnolls agreed to cover Mologo’s escape if he would open the demon gate. Mologo is not actually evil; he believes the crystal can protect his homeland, which is frequently invaded by outsiders from the faerie realm.
The demon (a quasit rogue) has been freed from the portal, and has committed atrocious murders in Azurestone. It is now following Mologo and killing anyone that gets in his way out of a twisted sense of gratitude. Mologo is utterly unaware of the quasit.
The crystal needs to be returned and reactivated, or more demons will come through the gate.
Adventure:
The PCs help free quarry workers who are trapped under an ‘accidental’ rockslide. When they return to Azurestone, they find the mutilated bodies of the priests that tend the cenotaph. Their entrails have been pulled out through their backs and spread like huge red wings. The evidence indicates that Mologo overpowered the priests and stole the crystal, then headed for the Fogpeak Mountains.
The PCs set out on Mologo’s trail. Mologo has a head start, only needs four hours of rest each night, and hopes that the coming snow will obscure his trail.
Mologo has prepared many deterrents to prevent anyone from following him. His trail cuts through a canyon and then up a narrow defile on the far side. Mountain goats live in the canyon, and Mologo has spent weeks training them to defend the defile from anyone but him. The goats take advantage of their environment and do their best to knock the PCs off of the canyon walls.
He has set more traps and ambushes that grow ever more dangerous the longer the PCs stay on his trail.
Eventually the snowstorm begins, and for a time the PCs will have difficulty following Mologo, or even travelling. When the snow stops they need to pick up his trail again.
After climbing along a narrow streambed including many small frozen waterfalls, the PCs see Mologo’s tracks cutting straight across the basin of a high valley. As they follow, gnoll archers attack from the valley walls. The real danger lies underfoot however; the valley is actually a snow-covered, frozen lake inhabited by ‘heat eels.’ Heat eels exude a slime that generates and maintains a low level of heat, keeping them warm in this cold climate. When they sense motion on the ice above them, they swarm underneath, melting the ice and then attacking their prey when it falls through. A few of the larger heat eels hunt as individuals, but most form a swarm.
During the chase the PCs also find the bodies of trappers and prospectors that have been killed and mutilated by the quasit. They gradually gather evidence that Mologo did not commit these crimes. When the quasit realizes that the PCs are following its liberator, it confronts them and uses invisibility and flight to deliver brutal sneak attacks.
The PCs track Mologo to the portal monolith in the mountains, which leads into a chamber filled with closed portals. Mologo is still there, trying to open the portal to his homeland.
Unfortunately, the portals act as a beacon to strange creatures from a realm of chaos. Moments after the PCs enter the chamber an advanced chaos beast appears and attacks. Mologo offers to help the PCs defeat it, and they probably need the assistance. Afterwards, Mologo tries to negotiate for his freedom and to keep the crystal. It is up to the PCs what to do with him.
Sure sure. :) It'll just mean more really good submissions next year, which just makes our jobs much harder in the future. :D
NSpicer wrote:
Out of curiosity, do you guys have a general idea of the expected balance between backstory and adventure that you prefer? Is it 50/50? 40/60? I know it varies, but a ballpark estimate on where you think the majority of a write-up should focus might help folks next time around.
If you can't summarize the backstory (for the purposes of an 800-word proposal) in one paragraph, you're being too verbose. We want to see 650 words of what the PCs will do and face. We trust you to make it make sense in the outline portion. We had a lot of neat ideas for short stories come our way, but just not a lot of adventure proposals.
Jeremy or Jason could speak more to this, since they have more experience with adventures than I do. But that is what I saw or what I gleaned from the other guys.
NSpicer wrote:
• Use of challenges or rewards not in line with 4th-level characters
... (CR6 for those keeping score at home)
That's fine. I mean things that were CR 8 or higher.
NSpicer wrote:
• Lots of artifacts the PCs get to keep (they're 4th level!)
...incorporated the rules from Unearthed Arcana for an item familiar...
Yeah, that probably would have been problematic. :\
...
And let me emphasize to everyone that including gnolls in your proposal didn't get you rejected. It's just a common theme we saw a lot, but it's not something we dislike. An observation, not a critique, if you will.
I honestly think my submission had all the prerequisite qualifications. I had unique locations, a memorable villain and plenty of action. I would truly appreciate a critique that would mention why my submission did not pass.
It looks like I made some of the same default decisions some others made, but I did some things differently. I tried for a light-hearted, fun adventure.
After I sent mine in, I did some tinkering and fleshing-out. Here's the post-tinker version.
Initial Hook: The PC’s are hired in the town of Crookston for a day’s work: a hare-like humanoid courier named Jarak is leaving to retrieve a shipment of valuables from the mining outpost of Azurestone, and the merchant in Crookston would like Jarak to have a small armed guard for security.
Spoiler:
1) Azurestone is a wilderness community that mines, cuts, and enchants Ioun Stones (blue spheres, blue rhomboids, some blue-and-red spheres; and occasionally odd, whimsical Ioun stones which don’t sell well).
One of the Azurestone locals is happy to show the PC’s around while they wait for Jarak, but during a tour of the enchantment facilities, the magical energies become dangerously unstable. After the party shuts down the process, the guide notices that something is missing.
The object is a small focusing mirror, an essential widget which the wizards of Azurestone use in the enchanting process. So far as anyone knows, the mirror is a specialized part of the assembly, unusable by most mages
The costs in time and gold to create a replacement mirror are prohibitive.
2) As well, Jarak and the shipment of Ioun Stones have come up missing. Jarak’s trail is recent and easy to pick up. It seems he left, at a lope, into the wilderness.
One part of the adventure details pursuit through lightly-populated temperate forests, plains, and eventually rolling hills; with the party repeatedly losing and regaining Jarak’s trail. (Azurestone can provide a “blue-and-gold stellated octahedron” Ioun Stone, which grants the Scent ability, to augment the party’s tracking skills) The PC’s also have access to a wagon that grants limited powers of flight to horses pulling it, dubbed the “Red Raven.” Flight allows them to close the distance to their quarry if they’re willing to (a) draw attention to themselves and (b) lose the chance to track for a while.
Many of the wilderness encounters depend on whether the PC’s are airborne or on-ground. If they elect to fly over an area of broken woods, they draw the attention of a spoiled young noble who sends his “very proper” serving man to obtain the miraculous vehicle. The servant is polite when he catches up to the party the next morning, but, begging their pardon, he really must either pay the PC’s for their magic wagon or else abscond with it despite their wishes. He has brought along two small clay golems, and an unseen servant with a half-dozen flasks of sovereign glue, as back up.
Jarak was ambushed and waylaid before he got to the Fog Peak Mountains, by people who were expecting him. He is being held prisoner by the Blackcloaks – rival wizards to the guild at Azurestone – in an extra-dimensional hiding space, accessed through a roadside shrine. The PC’s must realize they’ve lost the quarry’s path – hopefully before they get too far into the ghoul-infested mountains – and double-back. Once they figure out that Jarak’s trail leads to the shrine, it’s a simple matter to locate the doorway to the Blackcloaks’ lair.
3) Jarak did indeed leave with the mirror in his courier’s pouch, but (1) it was a dishonest gemcutter / acolyte who actually stole the mirror and hid it in the pouch, expecting fellow thieves in Crookston to recover it from the middleman’s shop, and (2) one of the wizards at Azurestone is working with the Blackcloaks, and it was she who planted a suggestion in Jarak’s mind that Crookston was in the Fog Peak Mountains. Jarak left for the mountains, and was captured by the Blackcloaks, who knew he was coming. They got their Ioun Stones, and a bonus they weren’t expecting.
4) There are two dénouements . The PC’s will raid the Blackcloaks’ hiding space (the interiors of which look like an elegant, eight-room apartment, decorated in rich jade and alabaster, decorated with silk pillows and colored incense burners), defeat four wizard-rogues, and recover Jarak and his parcels. But the space isn’t intended to hold so many people, and every round they remain causes more of the lair to dissolve into the trackless Ethereal plane.
Either before the PC’s leave to track Jarak, or after they recover the mirror and return it to Azurestone, they will need to unravel the mystery of who stole the mirror, and expose the community’s traitors.
5) The “monster” will be Jarak’s race, the bunyan, a small hare-like humanoid people charged by the gods Desna and Irori to act as couriers and messengers among all peoples. Bunyan personalities tend towards mischief, and those who have agreed to serve the gods as messengers are swift, hardy, and inherently resistant to divination magics. The write-up would focus on the habitat and society of the creatures, who are born knowing how they’re expected to fit into the gods’ plans.
And it was only well after I submitted the adventure that I realized that, if the party failed to get out of the villains' lair in time, the courier was going to be the (sigh) ether bunny.
I honestly think my submission had all the prerequisite qualifications. I had unique locations, a memorable villain and plenty of action. I would truly appreciate a critique that would mention why my submission did not pass.
My guess is that there were a lot of good submissions that had the all prerequisites, but they could only pick 12. In fact, just reading some of the other submission, many of them are adventures I would gladly run. I'm sure it just came down to picking their favorites.
Cpt_kirstov(Pathfinder Charter Superscriber; GameMastery Maps Subscriber)
I'm at work so can't actually read them, but I just had to say that I read the title of this thread and I thought Nick had lost a bet or something (the private competition with Pett maybe)
If you want to talk about unfair encounters, let me tell you about the half-orc raiders I was going to put in.
A 1st level whatever is a CR1/2, a 2nd level is CR1, and so on. By the DMG p49, you can have up to 9 CL1s in an EL6 encounter. A CR6 encounter will be rough for a 4th level party, but not unreasonable. Some of them might have beed 5th going in, some might have advanced by the time the encounter happened. In any event, EL6 is tough but doable for 4th levels, and challanging for 4/5 or 5s.
Now let's get wrong.
2nd level half-orc fighters are an EL1. You can mount them on regular horses (not warhorses) without raising the EL becasue the horses are not combatants. So we have a group of mounted 2nd level fighters. Let's give them mounted combat, ride by attack, spirited charge, and lances, and an average strength of 16. That has them doing 3d8+12 per ride by charge. 9 of them. Let's take two of them away and replace him with a mounted 3rd level orc barbarian who will rage and charge the toughest looking guy, probably the party tank, with his power attacking +1 greataxe. This will effectively occupy the tank & cleric. That leaves 7 mounted guys. Let's replace 3 of the lancers with mounted archers.
This is completely wrong, but within encounter building guidelines. If the party focuses on the barbarian, the lancers and archers ea them up. Focusinf on the lancers leaves the barbarian to eat the tank & archers for the unarmored & spellcasters. Doing the archers leaves the lancers & barbarian free. Dividing attention to all enemies will allow too many attacks to get through.
Undoubtedly, this would never have made it past editing.
Now imagine 18 goblins with swarmfighting at the same CR against 4th levels.
I honestly think my submission had all the prerequisite qualifications. I had unique locations, a memorable villain and plenty of action. I would truly appreciate a critique that would mention why my submission did not pass.
My guess is that there were a lot of good submissions that had the all prerequisites, but they could only pick 12. In fact, just reading some of the other submission, many of them are adventures I would gladly run. I'm sure it just came down to picking their favorites.
I suspect that there were quite a number of queries that could have made it, and at that point, I bet Mike and Jason and the gang had to use grammar and punctuation to narrow it down. I suspect that's what got me.
Ashenvale(Pathfinder Adventure Path Charter Subscriber; Companion Subscriber)
Eyebite wrote:
That's so weird. My post with my submission keeps disappearing, and it looks like it's the only one.
I honestly think my submission had all the prerequisite qualifications. I had unique locations, a memorable villain and plenty of action. I would truly appreciate a critique that would mention why my submission did not pass.
Unfortunately, there are ~150 other people in your same or similar situation, and we can't possibly perform that service for all of them. I wish we could, but we can't. Alas.
Here are a few quick notes of things we saw that led to rejections:
• Didn't ninja the directions
• 80% backstory, 20% adventure detail, 0% ninjas
• No description of what happens to ninjas during the adventure
• Didn't follow ninja directions
• Use of WotC IP as key point of adventure, not ninjas
• Use of challenges or rewards not in line with 4th-level non-ninja characters
...
• Lots of gnolls
...
---
* Said with 80% certainty
hmmmmmmm........
I gnew my Gnu Clan (gnoll gninjas) versus gRaven Clan (the gnome gninjas) and their multi-generation family histories of who gnifed whom was too gmuch bacgstory! :)
Neil, thanks for that. I think that is quality advice, and you lay it out well. I imagine that is what any fantasy gaming publisher wants out of an adventure . . .be it Open Call or a DDI Dungeon submission.
Sure thing, Rogue. I'm relatively new to Paizo's boards (i.e., I lurked during the Dungeon days and rarely posted), but hope to eventually contribute to Pathfinder or GameMastery. Since I've been here, you're one of the few I've had cause to interact with in various discussions. You've got a good head on your shoulders. And, for what it's worth, I'm pulling for you to win the next round. So, if any of that advice proves useful...more power to you.
--Neil
DON'T LOOK . . .NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO SEE THE ROGUE BLUSH!!!!
;)
Thanks, man, I appreciate it! I echo a lot of sentiments back to you, and wish you future luck in your writing endeavors as well.
Mike, in regards to WoTC IP- Since the SRD is not necessarily complete, how do we figure out what's their IP? I know beholders, illithids and the like, but what about the other stuff, especially non MM1 stuff?
Mike, in regards to WoTC IP- Since the SRD is not necessarily complete, how do we figure out what's their IP? I know beholders, illithids and the like, but what about the other stuff, especially non MM1 stuff?
EVERYTHING from WotC books not in the SRD is their IP.
Here are a few quick notes of things we saw that led to rejections:
• Didn't ninja the directions
• 80% backstory, 20% adventure detail, 0% ninjas
• No description of what happens to ninjas during the adventure
• Didn't follow ninja directions
• Use of WotC IP as key point of adventure, not ninjas
• Use of challenges or rewards not in line with 4th-level non-ninja characters
...
• Lots of gnolls
...
---
* Said with 80% certainty
hmmmmmmm........
I knew that I should have submitted my red squirrel ninja story.
That's so weird. My post with my submission keeps disappearing, and it looks like it's the only one.
Mine's vanished too. Can anyone else see it?
Off topic, yes, but I find that when I'm posting on a popular thread, and someone posts when I'm still in the posting box, and then I try to post, it gets eaten. I always highlight the text in the box, right-click, copy, and then try to post. If it gets eaten, I can always try to repost with a simple right-click and paste.
I honestly think my submission had all the prerequisite qualifications. I had unique locations, a memorable villain and plenty of action. I would truly appreciate a critique that would mention why my submission did not pass.
Clockworkjoe:
I am not part of the paizo team, but I will try to take a look at your adventure query and give you a proper critique later. A quick read suggests a few different things that might have sunk your proposal however:
* inclusion of an artifact
* railroading - you talk about what the PCs do in a very rigid order, adventures are flowing situations that need to be flexible enough for the PCs to have choices.
* the PCs are not center stage in your proposal, which is really about the prince.
I should note that there were a large number of talented writers contributing proposals. While it is hard to judge on text alone, you seem to be taking the rejection personally. Try not to do this. I know how hard it can be. We all want to see our proposals as gems, but even beautiful gems can have flaws that we may not be able to see. As the "gemcutters" of the adventure proposals, the editors are tasked with finding those flaws, and they are very good at it (I have a stack of rejections of my own to prove it!).
Mike gives a rundown of the most common reasons the committee rejected proposals... take a good look at that list and another look at your adventure. Use the list that Mike provided to help make your next attempt better. Also try to understand (and I *DO* know how hard this is) that the editors cannot possibly give everyone a full explanation of why their proposal didn't make the cut. Sometimes they will make exceptions and let someone know why, but overall, that's really rare.
Mike, in regards to WoTC IP- Since the SRD is not necessarily complete, how do we figure out what's their IP? I know beholders, illithids and the like, but what about the other stuff, especially non MM1 stuff?
EVERYTHING from WotC books not in the SRD is their IP.
Which leaves lots of development room for monsters...
Yeah, if it's not too onerous, letting people know that they were in the Top 30 and "were thiiiiis close" to making it is a nice consolation prize.
Yes, please!
Mine:
Spoiler:
What is the object that vanished and why is it important to retrieve it?
The town of Azurestone is known for distinctive blue pottery made of local clay, an alchemical mixture and magic. An essential part of the process of making the pottery is the fruit of the King Alder, an ancient sacred tree of Erastil. The fruit of the tree is used in many sacred rites and to purify the clay. During the firing of the clay objects, the fruit of the tree is burned as well. The smoke cleanses the pottery so that it can be handled by mortal hands. Without this, the pottery secretes a deadly poison. Unknown to the citizens of Azurestone, buried in the roots of the King Alder is a gem of primordial fire, the essence of fire giving life to the King Alder and kept in balance by the water essence inherent to the tree. This gem was used to trap the souls of two powerful night hags and was given to the King Alder by Old Deadeye to protect. The loss of the gem not only has potentially catastrophic consequences for Azurestone but also means the end of the King Alder.
What are two of the obstacles the PCs must overcome while chasing down the culprit?
The gem begins to break down soon after being removed from under the King Alder. It is leaking the essence of fire and corrupting everything that comes near. Plant life is tainted and that taint is passed to the animals that eat it. They are filled with the chaos of a raging inferno that drives them insane before the energy consumes them in a fiery explosion. The more an animal kills, the more fire energy is released from within, the longer it survives. This condition affects any creature that consumes the flesh of these creatures or stays in the infected area for more than three days. Second, the PCs will have to get the gem back from the tribe of Shoanti who have been driven insane through the taint of the hag and through contact with the gem. However, the Shoanti are redeemable. There are several spells that with remove or repress the fire.
Who took the object and why? The Red Raven Tribe, a small tribe of Shoanti based out of the Fogpeaks. The Shaman received a 'vision' from one of the ancients that an item in the roots of the King Alder would be essential to uniting the Shoanti under one banner and driving the Chelish from their traditional lands. Inspired, the Shaman pushed the Chieftain to begin raiding the lowlands in search of the gem. The Shaman did not receive a vision from the ancestors but was tricked by a powerful night hag witch. She is the sister of the two hags trapped in the gem and cannot approach the King Alder herself. Desperate and insane, she has tricked the Red Raven Tribe into working for her.
What will the final showdown with the culprit look like? The PCs follow the trail to a valley in the Fog Peaks with a huge, frozen lake. The Shaman has proclaimed that only the worthy may visit the hag, so only he, the Chieftain, and a contingent of the best warriors are guarding the lake. The hag lives under the lake in a cavern. The rest of the tribe is kept several miles away, within running distance if there is an emergency. The cavern is reachable by both swimming to the bottom of the lake (and defeating her underwater guards) or through a small cave system to the north. The final showdown will be held in a huge, ice covered cavern with ceilings that disappear into darkness at the bottom of the lake. An altar carved from ice sits in the center of the room with the faintly flickering gem placed upon it. The journey has leeched a lot of its power, so all the hag has to do is smash is with tooth of a white dragon to release her sisters. Upon seeing the PCs, she flies into a rage and attacks the party.
What new monster do you plan to include in this adventure? (All Gamemastery Modules include at least one new monster.): The Scorched and the Blazing. The Scorched are animals that have eaten or been tainted by the essence of fire and are quickly going insane. The Blazing are humanoids who have been effected by the fire. They are quicker and stronger than other humanoids though they are extremely adverse to cold. The cold weather of the upper Fogpeaks quickly consumes a Blazing humanoid unless kept near the gem or the condition reversed. The Blazing Shoanti see this condition as a blessing.
All in all, I'm not surprised I didn't make it through to the final 12 becuase I've never really written a module (or any derivitive there of) before. Any old timers have suggestions?
Ashenvale(Pathfinder Adventure Path Charter Subscriber; Companion Subscriber)
Hierophantasm wrote:
Ashenvale wrote:
Eyebite wrote:
That's so weird. My post with my submission keeps disappearing, and it looks like it's the only one.
Mine's vanished too. Can anyone else see it?
Off topic, yes, but I find that when I'm posting on a popular thread, and someone posts when I'm still in the posting box, and then I try to post, it gets eaten. I always highlight the text in the box, right-click, copy, and then try to post. If it gets eaten, I can always try to repost with a simple right-click and paste.
I do that too. It was just weird to post my submission, check it on the thread for typos after posting, have Eyebite respond to it, and then suddenly, several hours later, have it vanish. I still can't see it. I was about to re-post it when you said you can see it. So I guess it's just me. Very odd.
Which leaves lots of development room for monsters...
Yeah but how close can you get to an existing IP monster before you are 'plagiarizing', I guess is the best word. I had several ideas for monsters but then I start looking and there is one in MMIII that is pretty close to my idea.
I've noticed several disappearing and reappearing posts on this thread, including Ashenvale's. I suspect it's a high-traffic thread, and that this is causing the regular vanishing posts problem to increase. Plus, I've been having more of that trouble in general since the server reboot the other day.
Which leaves lots of development room for monsters...
Yeah but how close can you get to an existing IP monster before you are 'plagiarizing', I guess is the best word. I had several ideas for monsters but then I start looking and there is one in MMIII that is pretty close to my idea.
I guess it boils down to knowing what's there in print, and figuring out how to prevent plagiarizing. I remember an epsiode of Angel in which Cordelia states "There's a monster for everything!"
And there is! Just figure out what you need it to do!
1.)What is the object that vanished and why is it important to retrieve it?
a.The founders of Azurestone carved a blue granite obelisk, capped by an intricate depiction of a raven in blood-red stone, to portray the town’s masonry and stonecarving skills. The absence of it will have greater consequences than just a blow to community pride – the obelisk completes a mystical seal holding back an ancient foe of Azurestone’s founders.
2.)What are two of the obstacles the PCs must overcome while chasing down the culprit?
a.The wild foothills of Fog Peak Mountains are no place for the timid or weak. Gredau, a dwarven ranger well versed in the region, can show the PCs the quickest way through the foothills and into the mountains proper. Gredau is as unyielding as the mountains, and the PCs must use their best negotiating skills, as the old paths were deliberately destroyed not too long after Azurestone was founded. Gredau is the only one old enough to remember them, but even he is not too keen on traversing the lands with a blizzard on the way. Should the PCs manage to convince Gredau to guide them, he sets a grueling pace for even the hardiest of individuals.
b.The PCs are impeded at every step through the mountains – rock falls, slick ice patches, boulders - all obstruct or slow them down. A hungry nest of ice dancers, conditioned to look for warm food at a narrow mountain path, waits in ambush and the PCs are the perfect meal.
3.)Who took the object and why?
a.An earth elemental under the command of Carthago, a salt mephit enchanter, stole the obelisk as the focal point of an ancient Rite of Vengeance. If the Rite is completed, Red Raven, a harpy mummy, and her “murder” of zombie sisters awaken to terrorize the region once more. Performing the Rite allows Carthago control over Red Raven and her sisters, while at the same time amplifying his own abilities.
4.)What will the final showdown with the culprit look like?
a.Carthago works to complete the Rite in the abandoned salt mines in Fog Peak Mountains. The mines are a perfect staging ground to not only expand his grip on the region through Red Raven, but to also use the earth itself to mutate his own form and become superior to his mephit cousins. Carthago is a manipulator, and uses his spells and spell-like abilities to confuse his opponents while he continues to complete the Rite. The salt-preserved corpses of ancient miners protect the inner lair, while Carthago’s mephit allies serve as lookouts and harass the PCs at every opportunity.
Here are a few quick notes of things we saw that led to rejections:
• Didn't follow the directions
Innocent (afaik)
Mike McArtor wrote:
• 80% backstory, 20% adventure detail
• No description of what happens during the adventure
Guilty. I tried to get a few choice points across, but the 80% - 20% split sadly isn't too far off, i guess. I'll do better next time.
Mike McArtor wrote:
• Didn't follow the directions
• Use of WotC IP as key point of adventure
• Use of challenges or rewards not in line with 4th-level characters
• Didn't follow the directions
Still innocent (i think).
Other problems i figured out on my own:
• Over-Edited submission. Not in the sense that it had too much editorial oversight, but that i edited it too fricken much, and thus lost track of the tail of sentences as i rewrote the head. Which of course leads to awkward situations.
I actually send my submission off a day early to limit this predictable disaster (i suck at proofreading my own text, i know what they mean...), but i couldn't quite prevent it.
I gnew my Gnu Clan (gnoll gninjas) versus gRaven Clan (the gnome gninjas) and their multi-generation family histories of who gnifed whom was too gmuch bacgstory! :)
If I had seen that, I probably would have pushed hard for it to make it through to the top 12. ;D
Sobelia wrote:
Mike, in regards to WoTC IP- Since the SRD is not necessarily complete, how do we figure out what's their IP? I know beholders, illithids and the like, but what about the other stuff, especially non MM1 stuff?
Only what appears in the SRD is open to us.
Dragonmann wrote:
EVERYTHING from WotC books not in the SRD is their IP.
Yes. What Dragonmann said.
Sobelia wrote:
Which leaves lots of development room for monsters...
Oh yes! It lets us do neat things. :)
Dreamweaver wrote:
Yeah but how close can you get to an existing IP monster before you are 'plagiarizing', I guess is the best word. I had several ideas for monsters but then I start looking and there is one in MMIII that is pretty close to my idea.
Well, even WotC can't copyright ideas, so if they have monster X that does Y, Z, and ß and you create monster B that also does Y, Z, and ß but doesn't look the same, has a vastly different name, and has a story that is nothing like monster X, you're fine.
Sobelia wrote:
I guess it boils down to knowing what's there in print, and figuring out how to prevent plagiarizing. I remember an epsiode of Angel in which Cordelia states "There's a monster for everything!"
And there is! Just figure out what you need it to do!
Yup yup. Build the monster you need to fit the adventure. If someone else has done something similar, so what? If WE did something similar, just use our critter. ;D
Just found out I didn't make it to round 2, so I thought I'd share (minus one monster in case Paizo wants to use it). Thanks, Paizo, for giving us the opportunity and I look forward to the next Open Call.
Spoiler:
• What is the object that vanished and why is it important to retrieve it?
The great founder of Azurestone, called the Red Raven, was a just and brilliant leader who was able to keep relative peace for the residents of Azurestone even in the hostile territory of the Stabbing Pine Forest. Some believe she had supernatural powers that kept outside hostile elements at bay. Before she died, to keep her influence forever surrounding the town, she bound an element of her soul to a blue jewel that the town was eventually named after. This was the object stolen from the town. The town is now under the attack of monstrous creatures which the residents are ill prepared to deal with.
• What are two of the obstacles the PCs must overcome while chasing down the culprit?
A tribe of evil druidic dwarves called the Twisted Root is intent on slowing down or killing the PCs, providing traps, battles, and natural dangers for the PCs. Several of the tribe members stay behind to thwart the PCs while other members continue to their home with the Azurestone.
Along the way, the Eternal Children (a feral group of arcane children that never grow old) treat the PCs as play objects, targeting them with magical games which can trap the PCs or sometimes turn dangerous. The PCs must eventually befriend these children who will help them against the Twisted Root.
• Who took the object and why?
About ten members of the Twisted Root took the Azurestone for its power. By harnessing the stone in an evil ritual, the druids can call down a supernatural disease affecting flora that will twist the forests and mountains into a perverted territory that is closer to the Twisted Root’s imagination. Eventually this disease could cause the destruction of several other tribes leaving the Twisted Roots in power over the whole region.
• What will the final showdown with the culprit look like?
After entering a cave complex where the Twisted Root tribe resides, the PCs eventually meet their tribal leader on a deformed island in the center of an underground ice lake. The leader is an ancient dwarf able to command the four elements.
Jason kindly told me it made the top 30, which ain't a bad shot, I hope, after an absence of 11 years...
Spoiler:
QUERY: W3: Flight of the Red Raven
Kalix Jarvin entered service as a Paladin in Azurestone 20 years ago. He has proven a great asset in the region leading many raids into the wilderness in a career that has widened the march of civilisation. His flaming red hair and swift application of stern justice on the heathen earned him the nickname “Red Raven” and marked him for great things in his Church.
But even men of great renown may fall. Paid secretly by officers of the Nightlatch Guild – a small but ambitious band of thieves with increasing fortunes tied to the rising prosperity of the local Church, town and revenues – the visiting Lady Brenda Veraxis has been seen at recent functions and parties with the much feted Kalix Jarvin.
The cultured, witty and beautiful Lady Brenda seemed a perfect foil for the soldierly Captain Jarvin who, with the blessing of his superiors, offered suit to the minor noblewoman. Then one of the Church’s treasure houses was emptied – a treasure house to which only Captain Jarvin had the key. The scandal rocked Azurestone, damaging Jarvin’s reputation. Understandably, Lady Brenda broke off her dalliance with the warrior and declaring herself affronted by the scandal, she left town.
On loan to the Church from a larger city, a relic known as the Egg of Gloranian, has rested on the holy altar bringing pilgrims and donations for the past month. Jarvin, convinced that the scandal has been somehow engineered by his enemies, enraged by the blow to his reputation and distraught at the loss of his beloved Lady Brenda, has done the unthinkable. He surprised the relic’s guards, disabled them and stole the precious jewelled casket and its contents. What his plans are, no-one seems to know.
The Egg of Gloranian was a gift from the Golden Dragon of that name to the founder of the Church years before. The egg is viable and can be used to help bring one of two creatures into the world: a Golden Dragon, a true champion of Good, or, alternatively, a powerful creature of vengeance and righteous anger, known as an auto de fe. The Red Raven, in his fury, seeks to create an auto de fe to find and punish those who caused his downfall.
OBSTACLES FOR THE PLAYER CHARACTERS
The PCs are hired to retrieve Gloranian’s egg. Jarvin has fled with it towards an old dungeon in the Fog Peak Mountains he helped pacify earlier in his career.
Along the way he visited a friary of his religion. The friars – a group of laymen preachers who do not have the magical means to detect the Paladin’s fall – were instructed he is on a holy mission and to delay anyone following. With no news from Azurestone to countermand Jarvin’s orders, the friars armed themselves and set up a roadblock.
Jarvin’s path took him close to the lair of a Callus Bung, a Hill Giant. Jarvin gives Callus an ultimatum – leave his lair forever or face the wrath of Jarvin’s “friends” who will be coming up the mountain soon. Offended, Callus prepares an ambush for the pursuers.
THE FINAL SHOWDOWN
The Red Raven flees into the depths of the dungeon. Some minor monsters are quickly dispatched or enlisted as slaves to delay the player characters. The final encounter with Kalix Jarvin will be on a lightning-crowned mountaintop as he prepares the egg for hatching into an auto de fe. If the PCs defeat him before the process is complete, they can return Gloranian’s egg to the Church. If not, they shall have to defeat the warrior and the monster.
NEW MONSTER: Auto de fe
A construct made from the magical manipulation of the egg of a gold dragon, the creature is a living being used to carry out the righteous punishment of wrong-doers. Although retaining some of the intelligence of its draconian heritage, the creature is usually bonded to the will of its creator and acts as instructed by its creator.
A Lawful Good church may use such a creature to publicly punish grievously lapsed members or to execute those sentenced for helping the cause of Chaos or Evil. The spectacle of an auto de fe as a public executioner instructs the populace what befalls traitors or evildoers. Its powerful aura, an inheritance of its draconic ancestry, both cows and terrifies onlookers.
An auto de fe is bipedal, humanoid in shape (although a little taller than a man) and has golden or silver-coloured skin. Fine scales are visible if the creature is closely examined. They tend to wear vestments of the church to which they are bonded. Their eyes are either yellow or green and can mesmerise. The creature’s teeth are pointed and can be used to deliver horrible bites. Its raking claws can disembowel unprotected victims.
Yeah, if it's not too onerous, letting people know that they were in the Top 30 and "were thiiiiis close" to making it is a nice consolation prize.
Yes that would be nice to know, but since those thirty were only a number (ie our personal info was removed) it might be a lot of work to figure out that and respond.
EDIT:
Willie Walsh wrote:
Wah-hey! I too am an Open Call Losers' Lounger!
Jason kindly told me it made the top 30, which ain't a bad shot, I hope, after an absence of 11 years...
Yeah, if it's not too onerous, letting people know that they were in the Top 30 and "were thiiiiis close" to making it is a nice consolation prize.
Yes that would be nice to know, but since those thirty were only a number (ie our personal info was removed) it might be a lot of work to figure out that and respond.
Yeah probably. And they already have enough to do as it is.
Yes that would be nice to know, but since those thirty were only a number (ie our personal info was removed) it might be a lot of work to figure out that and respond.
Ah. But if no-one could reunite the contact info of the submitter with the submitted material AFTER the acceptance or rejection, how could one receive an email of acceptance or rejection?
This cola is Brand X and Brand X is made by....
Edit... In my albeit a-long-time-ago experience, it actually isn't feasable for an editor to include the whys and wherefores of the reasons behind most rejections of material. They simply have too many submissions to respond to each one individually. It can be frustrating to the author when they say a piece is not acceptable, but that's just part of the process of writing for publication. (I recall being told the reason for an article being rejected was "It just doesn't suit." Try taking some meaning from THAT...!) I think the best thing to do is to take the experience you just gained and build upon it to see if you can produce a more acceptable work later.
For my part, I had fun entering this competition and I hope other people did too. Let's now wait and see what the poor souls who now ultimately have to write 22,000 words come up with.
Just got my e-mail, so I too shall show off what might have been:
Spoiler:
W3: Flight of the Red Raven An engraved locket once entombed with the last (and rumored to be mad) Countess Azurestone was one of several items taken during a recent defiling of her mausoleum in the small logging community founded by the Azurestone family. The local graveyard’s caretaker believes the locket to hold the power to return life to the dead, and, having just lost his wife and daughter, beseeches the PCs to retrieve it. He offers them the services of his raven familiar (portrayed as an animal companion) as a guide, and informs them that his divinations have indicated the route the locket’s thief will be taking.
Taking up the quest, the PCs will have to overcome the dangers of an early winter in the wilderness (cold temperatures, an ancient fallen tree covered in ice that serves as a bridge over a rushing torrent, hungry predators, and a fierce snowstorm) which will provide plenty of opportunity for rangers, druids, and others to make use of their class abilities and skills. In addition to battling the elements on the race to catch the thief, the PCs will encounter the howling, cursed undead that are also pursuing he who possesses the locket.
What adventure worthy of a bard’s tale is ever what it first seems? The grave robber, a Shoanti knave who goes by the title “the Red Raven,” was actually the partner-in-crime of the caretaker (a necromancer and anatomist). Hired simply to help break into the tomb, this ne’er-do-well has had nothing but trouble since the locket became part of his share of the loot. The necromancer only found the rumor about the locket after studying the book he claimed from the mausoleum, and set the PCs on the Red Raven’s trail in hopes of reacquiring it. Now the Red Raven is simply trying to reach a holy man in the Fog Peak Mountains in hopes of breaking whatever curse he’s stumbled into—not knowing how bad it truly is.
The final showdown of Flight of the Red Raven depends on how much of the truth the PCs uncover on their trek. It could simply consist of the party battling the Red Raven and a small horde of undead nasties on a hazzardous mountain slope just as a blizzard is blowing in. Or, if they are exceptionally canny (or lucky), they may save the benighted Shoanti from the things that hunt him and return to the town of Azurestone for a confrontation with the undertaker who set all of this in motion for the sake of saving his family.
The sad truth, either way, is that the locket does not have the power to raise dead. The Mad Countess was actually in love with the dark god Zon-Kuthon, so when the undertaker read in her journal that her lover would come to her and use the amulet’s power to unite them, he could not have realized that the locket was created as a means of ritual suicide.
The adventure’s new monsters will include a fey swarm bound to the Countess’ ancient bottles of absinthe (some of which were taken along with the locket), which have the power to bewilder and addict those unfortunate enough to be caught within them, and possibly a type of undead creature with wraithlike incorporeal movement but a skeletal physical form wrapped in flowing rags.
As some people have asked about critiques, but others are just posting to show their queries, not necessarily looking for a critique... should we start a Critique My Query thread like we used to have for Dungeon and Dragon queries?
As some people have asked about critiques, but others are just posting to show their queries, not necessarily looking for a critique... should we start a Critique My Query thread like we used to have for Dungeon and Dragon queries?
Anyone interested?
I think we ALL would like a critique.
It isn't feasible for them to give us all a critique.
Wow! I'm imagining a Groundhog-Day type campaign where the player characters are cursed to follow the flight of the red raven though each of the scenarios outlined in this thread. In every reincarnation, the scenario changes to that outlined by a new author. Only when the quest is completed five times can the player characters be set free...
Behold the flat, linear, too-much backstory monster!
Spoiler:
Introduction
The last leaves of autumn have dropped from the stately cottonwood and the grand larch while the evergreens stand proud against the oncoming winter. In a clearing, a spire and cerulean dome protrude from the ground, circled by a cluster of stout buildings. The small community of Azurestone is abuzz with the cavorting of the Harvest Festival. In the midst of the festivities, a retired adventurer is in shambles – again.
Isobel Sien has lost the Red Raven. Once an adventurer of some power, she acquired this grotesque statuette in the prime of her earlier travels and has since been the temporal protector of its beguiling power. To save a sister in childbirth, she called out to the only power she knew overseeing such events. Her desperate pleas met, the twist in the arrangement was that for every life born into the community, a sacrifice of life was called for. It seemed a game had started where the livelihood of her hometown was at stake.
Synopsis
The garnet statuette carved in the likeness of a four-winged raven with a toothy beak and twisted talons protects the births of the women of the town as deception and corruption burns in the heart of its keeper. Every fall the carving finds its way out of her wards and Isobel hires hearty heroes visiting the town to retrieve it. If sealed in the Fog Peak Mountains by winter, the statuette will deliver a vile pestilence upon the town with the melting snows of the spring thaw.
Isobel provides her hires with the information she has. The Red Raven takes flight towards the mountains at the end of autumn on its own accord, despite her best efforts to contain it. She knows the way is dangerous and few make the journey. Enough brave souls perish annually to cover the safety of the women in town who are expecting for spring.
Days outside of Azurestone lies a vast bog infested with unique undead formed from the desecrated burials in the acidic muskeg. The bog mummies, whose bodies, flattened by the years entombed in the peat, rise from their heavy tomb to destroy those who wander too near their sodden grave and drag them down to suffer the same crude burial.
Beyond that threat, the adventurers find that their task is perilous at best, as the hilly landscape turns to a rugged mountain trek. A loosely strung rope and plank bridge spans the maw of a twisting canyon and a colony of chokers intends to destroy those who seek to traverse the rickety crossing.
Through the course of their two-week journey the party encounters difficult environmental challenges from a cold bog, tule fog, a dangerous rockslide in the mountains and an early dusting of snow that pushes the heroes to quicken their pace.
Creatures are not absent from the cast of dangers and the group comes upon a number of vicious animals trying to store much needed energy for the coming winter, including an enraged pair of mated hippogriffs and an owlbear that has been ravaging a herd of moose.
To break up the monotony of long wilderness travel and give the characters a chance to rest and re-supply the party encounters a colorful merchant caravan and once nearer the mountains, a hunting party.
Ascending into the mountains, the party must find the cave before snow covers its entrance. There they must defeat a group of gargoyles that swoop down on trespassers from the misty peaks. Inside, the icy cave buzzes the sounds of insects. These bizarre swarms, called shiverling swarms, bring an icy mist that chills their victims. A tribe of diseased grimlocks serving a fiendish creature protects the garnet carving.
Resolution
The final encounter involves a new debaser fiend resembling the raven statuette, sent by the demon that Isobel dealt with a decade ago, with orders to protect the idol. This creature has the ability to shift form into one of the shiverling swarms and breathe out a cloud of fog. The strongest grimlocks assist in this battle using their blindsight to target the strongest members of the party while the outsider attempts to focus on the magic users.
The cave, filled with the treasure of ten years of failed attempts to reclaim the idol, contains a book, carried by a would-be hero, detailing the method of destroying the statuette and finally breaking this vile cycle of sacrifice. If the adventurers return with this book and provide it to Isobel, she is ecstatic to know she can be free of this shadow that has left her wrought with guilt for so long a time.
As some people have asked about critiques, but others are just posting to show their queries, not necessarily looking for a critique... should we start a Critique My Query thread like we used to have for Dungeon and Dragon queries?
Anyone interested?
That is what I figured this thread would be, so I am going to suggest that we who post our submission kindly critique* at least two other submissions. Also that every submission gets (at least) two critiques. I do not think I could go through all 150, or even 50, but I will critique what time allows.
I might also suggest Sherov's and Mike's earlier posts should be the guideline by which critiques are measured.
I honestly think my submission had all the prerequisite qualifications. I had unique locations, a memorable villain and plenty of action. I would truly appreciate a critique that would mention why my submission did not pass.
Clockworkjoe:
I am not part of the paizo team, but I will try to take a look at your adventure query and give you a proper critique later. A quick read suggests a few different things that might have sunk your proposal however:
* inclusion of an artifact
* railroading - you talk about what the PCs do in a very rigid order, adventures are flowing situations that need to be flexible enough for the PCs to have choices.
* the PCs are not center stage in your proposal, which is really about the prince.
I should note that there were a large number of talented writers contributing proposals. While it is hard to judge on text alone, you seem to be taking the rejection personally. Try not to do this. I know how hard it can be. We all want to see our proposals as gems, but even beautiful gems can have flaws that we may not be able to see. As the "gemcutters" of the adventure proposals, the editors are tasked with finding those flaws, and they are very good at it (I have a stack of rejections of my own to prove it!).
Mike gives a rundown of the most common reasons the committee rejected proposals... take a good look at that list and another look at your adventure. Use the list that Mike provided to help make your next attempt better. Also try to understand (and I *DO* know how hard this is) that the editors cannot possibly give everyone a full explanation of why their proposal didn't make the cut. Sometimes they will make exceptions and let someone know why, but overall, that's really rare.
- Ashavan
I am disappointed at not being accepted, but I have been rejected many times before. However, I want to improve my understanding of what paizo wants and what it does not want so I am more prepared for my next chance.
I am disappointed at not being accepted, but I have been rejected many times before. However, I want to improve my understanding of what paizo wants and what it does not want so I am more prepared for my...
Check out the recent blog post - I'd say it's pretty good for a rough critique.
I definitely ran afoul of #4 and #5, so mine was likely quickly rejected. Not to brag or anything, but I think mine is actually cited in #4. BOOYAH.
Going for broke and having low level characters save the world? Guilty. Destroying Azurestone in the opening scene? Guilty. Straightforward plot (and possibly too much backstory)? Guilty.
*Sigh* as I settle into an overused chair in the Losers Lounge with a good stiff drink to contemplate my folly. After a time and being slowly emboldened by gently clinking ice cubes as they melt away I offer this unsuccessful entry:
Spoiler:
Journeying along a rural road your party has stopped for a short break at an intersection. A weather worn sign reads “Azurestone” and points toward an infrequently traveled path which leads into and is obscured by the hilly countryside. Over the quiet bleating of a nearby flock of sheep the sound of steady hoof beats can be heard. A rider, pushing their horse hard, approaches quickly from the path to Azurestone.
You watch as a frothing pony crests the nearby hill bearing its small rider toward the intersection. With the rider’s sharp pitched “Whoa Pepper!” the gray colored pony is brought to a quick halt near you. Flecks of white foam speckle its decorative bright red tack and saddle blanket. A large headpiece crowned with a cluster of crimson colored feathers sits askew atop the tired beast blocking a clear view of the rider.
As the pony breathes heavily the rider, a young girl maybe as old as 12, jumps to the ground. She is dressed in a similarly decorative riding outfit and red cloak. Tear stained and breathing hard herself, a torrent of questions and pleading tumble out of her. “Please help me. My family was attacked on the road from Azurestone. I think my father has been killed. Can you save him? I pray he is still alive. Why would they do this to us? Without papa my brothers might not be able to find all the animals before someone gets hurt. Please, please, please will you help us? We must find the Red Raven!”
• What is the object that vanished and why is it important to retrieve it?
The young girl is Jana Stanisli, a member of the Stanisli Family Fun Show. The Stanisli family is a small caravan of entertainers that provide a mix of simple entertainments and animal acts for the communities that they travel to. The star attraction and most dangerous act is “The Test of the Red Raven.” Having just finished with a short stay and a few shows in the town of Azurestone, the Stanisli caravan was attacked by bandits as they traveled the road that the PCs have recently intersected. The bandits stole the Red Raven and have made off with it in the direction of Azurestone. Recovering the Red Raven is vital for the continued livelihood of the Stanisli family
• What are two of the obstacles the PCs must overcome while chasing down the culprit?
The first obstacle to overcome is the mystery of Azurestone. The PCs must learn about the town and determine who was the source of the attack on the caravan, what was the reason for the attack, why was it necessary to take the Red Raven, and where was the Red Raven taken to?
The second obstacle is to retrieve the Red Raven and use it to free the town from its subjugation by the Azure (Blue) Dragon of the Fog Peak Mountains. The PCs must defeat the dragon’s agents, journey into the mountains, find a way to defeat the dragon’s minions, and gain entrance to the dragon’s lair.
• Who took the object and why?
The mystery behind the Red Raven is that it has been stolen by a group of townsfolk that are trying to throw off their control by the Azure Dragon. This group hopes to use the dangerous powers of the Red Raven to stop or destroy the dragon. Another faction within the town is working to protect themselves and maintain the status quo. While a final faction is aligned with the dragon and works to serve it.
• What will the final showdown with the culprit look like?
After recovering the Red Raven the PCs should want to convince it to help them. They must then find a way to enter the fog shrouded lapis lazuli mine that is the dragon’s lair. While navigating the natural hazards of the mine the PCs need to find a way to use these hazards and the Red Raven to trap and defeat the formidable blue dragon within its lair.
• What new monster do you plan to include in this adventure?
The Red Raven is the primary new monster. This small magical beast is a brilliantly red plumaged bird about the size of a large raven. Carnivorous by nature it uses its supernatural ability to polymorph dangerous creatures and predators into small edible animals. Possessing a moderate intelligence it is capable of becoming a pet or an improved familiar.
The second new monsters are the Draconi, a race of small reptilian humanoids that are descended from a specific dragon type. In this module the blue dragon minions are the Azure Draconi. The Draconi typically start with two hit dice, are intelligent, have some of the traits similar to their dragon type, and are capable of class advancement. They are bred to aid or serve a specific type of dragon or half-dragon family line. Draconi can fill a number of different roles, be it lair guardians, skilled attendants, troop leaders, or advance scouts.
Jason kindly told me it made the top 30, which ain't a bad shot, I hope, after an absence of 11 years...
Spoiler:
QUERY: W3: Flight of the Red Raven
Kalix Jarvin entered service as a Paladin in Azurestone 20 years ago. He has proven a great asset in the region leading many raids into the wilderness in a career that has widened the march of civilisation. His flaming red hair and swift application of stern justice on the heathen earned him the nickname “Red Raven” and marked him for great things in his Church.
But even men of great renown may fall. Paid secretly by officers of the Nightlatch Guild – a small but ambitious band of thieves with increasing fortunes tied to the rising prosperity of the local Church, town and revenues – the visiting Lady Brenda Veraxis has been seen at recent functions and parties with the much feted Kalix Jarvin.
The cultured, witty and beautiful Lady Brenda seemed a perfect foil for the soldierly Captain Jarvin who, with the blessing of his superiors, offered suit to the minor noblewoman. Then one of the Church’s treasure houses was emptied – a treasure house to which only Captain Jarvin had the key. The scandal rocked Azurestone, damaging Jarvin’s reputation. Understandably, Lady Brenda broke off her dalliance with the warrior and declaring herself affronted by the scandal, she left town.
On loan to the Church from a larger city, a relic known as the Egg of Gloranian, has rested on the holy altar bringing pilgrims and donations for the past month. Jarvin, convinced that the scandal has been somehow engineered by his enemies, enraged by the blow to his reputation and distraught at the loss of his beloved Lady Brenda, has done the unthinkable. He surprised the relic’s guards, disabled them and stole the precious jewelled casket and its contents. What his plans are, no-one seems to know.
The Egg of Gloranian was a gift from the Golden Dragon of that name to the founder of the Church years...