Lea would die before admitting she did. Suddenly,

Swarms of stormtroopers erupted from various offstage

orifices. Lea half spun, drawing her small blaster.

Darth Vader appeared and turned it into a

wiggly, rubber dildo. "Did you miss me," Darth

hisses. "No dad-er Darth, I didn't!" Leia sneered

"Cover me, Lando!" Her mind thought advance-lunge, but

a reprised redoublement of a unsustainable attack was

going to take someone by surprise, even if

she had to parry & reposted a half-hearted beat attack.

Lord Vader drew on the cool dark force

effortlessly tossing Leia across the room, pinning her

to the television screen. "Damn it Vader!", screamed

Emperor Palpatine, who had been watching the latest

America's Funniest Home Video and hoping the one

that included Chewbacca in a chartreuse tutu would

lose out to the one that showed a

Stormtrooper bouncing on a trampoline. This was Darth

Vader's big break. He hastily began to shove

ham cubes from the salad bar into his

helmet, so that later he would have something

to throw at the stormtroopers when they failed

to correctly identify the type of swallow, African

or Australian, which would be necessary to achieve

...ludicrous speed, however, there more important matters loomed.

The Emperor had been having difficulty deciding which

doughnut to select from the box proffered by

Grand Moff Tarkin. The Moffster, as he was

called by precisely no one, wanted the bearclaw

that Darth Vader had already devoured. The Emperor

always took the bavarian creme, although his diabetes

, which had been partially responsible for his hideous

singing voice, was also causing him to feel

mighty real. "I wonder, given that we are

running the entire galaxy, why there are still

these stupid doughnuts with holes. Why can't we

donuts without any holes?" Darth Vader pondered this

until the Emperor cut a huge rancid fart.

Fortunately for Vader, his mask filtered the smell,

though Grand Moff (what is a Moff?) Tarkin

kept silent even as his eyes began watering

and the storm troopers ran screaming from the

vicinity, which by this time had become totally

polluted with the stench of the "Dark Side".

The Emperor then lit himself a cigarette, before

hacking and coughing until a piece of lung

went flying from his nose! "Damn, I hate

my job, all of my rich friends, I

wish I had something to blow up planets."

"But you have a Moff!" cried Tarkin. "Isn't