The Orcs' mouthes hung agape at the sight,

The Orcs' mouthes hung agape at the sight,

Sauron, not one to enjoy chiding, answered with

flung meeatballs and other food from his plate.

"Don't tell me how to run a campaign,

elven witch! If I had all ten fingers

I'd thumb my nose at you you pointy

headed git got by a drunken blind satyr

Celeborn took offense and drew his bow, aiming

at the Eye, which looked conviniently like a

portrait of his mother in law, and let

fly. His aim was straight and true and

very unlike his sexual preference. His staff splintered

once, when he tried to use it in

a first-age fight with Sauron in Doriath.

they had never spoken of that fight again

until the Hobbits began singing:"In gloomy Doriath

did Celeborn ponder, why his staff did wander

whilst fair Galadriel languished, lonely, wishing for a

nice new dress, the kind that could be

worn to the Simarillion Ball, where all the

fair folk go!” It wasn’t a particularly good

tune, "Silence," shouted Gimli. "There'll be no singin'

my ears are ringin'! Its off to Mordor

I be wingin." Legolas (still the prettiest) was

nonplused at the idea of traveling there, yet

found himself strangely attracted to Aragorn, who it

seems always went for the "Dunedain Metrosexual Look",

with twotoned hair, a pink tabard, meticulously filed

pointed teeth and a velvet cover slip for

the Shards of Narsil, which were awfully sharp

looking and went with his outfit perfectly: they

even match my eye color when reflecting the

blood in Shelob's engorged spinarets. Aragorn and Legolas

decided to sneak off together for a while

to braid each others hair and s n i g g e r in

You gotta be kiddin me, it censored S N I G G E R... as in to giggle! Sheesh!

mocking tones about the fashion sense of Gimli.

Gimli however, prided himself with his sense of

smell, and knew when something fishy was going

down in Chinatown! That and the girlish giggles

led him to believe that something was not

altogether right with that fruity fragrance. "Hmmmppph. Elves

might be tall, sexy, fashionable, skilled and smart

but nobody tosses a Dwarf" Gimli concluded. "Saruman

noticed his prostate was enlarging. He couldn't pee

onto the signal fires of Gondor despite his

best efforts and “magical enhancements”. The Uruk-Hai were

thus instructed to conduct "mass evacuations" on all

hobbit residences in Osgiliath.", the grey-wanderer gloated.

As the Uruk Golden Shower Brigade set off