Bilbo awoke one morning to the sound of

Lobelia Sackville-Baggins scrambling some eggs. "Get up

you lazy little so and so," she screamed,

you need to go on an adventure today

." Just then Sam peered through the window, only

this time he had his clothes on. Frodo

grimaced as he saw that Sam had the

pole in his hand, but soon smiled at

his gardening friend. "What ho Sam. do you

like what you see that much? That Hoe

isn't gonna do much for you other than

give you a clawed hand. Come inside and

Have Elevensises with me and Uncle Bilbo. We

are having Sticky Dates. How I love them!

After we can go do bucolic Hobbit things

like run through neighbour's corn fields and play

Hide Farmer Maggot's mushrooms in a special place.

"Oh you dirty Hobbits," screamed Lobelia Sackville-Baggins.

"How is it you all haven't died so

horribly from an infectious disease?" She turned and

stomped off, looking for silver plate to steal.

finding none she, left a small present behind

in a brown paper bag on the doorstep

of Bilbo's wine cellar. A very large steaming

pot was next to it. "OOOOO, goulash", said

Sam, licking his over-large lips and snuffling

his nose to see what was in the

large steaming pot of goodness. Chunks of diced

cat and sauasge. He was ambivalent about the

days coming travels. Yesterday, he prepared a pouch

of Haradrim pipeweed, so had some serious munchies

and light hallucinations. But, could host many more

meals in his ample stomach, no matter if

there were elevensies, twelvsies or even thirteensies! He

was an extremely ravenous hobbit, even by their

hairy feet and bulbous chins. In fact, he

had once ate an entire pig in one

standing. He had to stand, because no chair

would fit his ginormous buttocks after that episode

with the flashback to his origins. This episode

rated very highly amongst the trendy, upmarket set.

Meanhwile, in the land of Mordor (where the

dark things wonder freely) an evil general smiled

as he surveyed his amassed army of orcs.

The orcs were growing restless, however, because of

(Galadriel having deposed Sauron also made him cheerful.)

Edit:
Confound you Aberzombie; this post was supposed to go in front of yours!

The orcs were growing restless, however, because of

imposed, with whippings and discipline for all slackers

,which was dished out liberally with much satisfaction

. They translated this satisfaction into steam baths after