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Aberzombie do Koblod brains taste just like chicken? and do you prefer yours raw or extra crispy?
Kobold Jerky: Turning orcs vegetarian since 1265DR!
Kobold Jerky: For those times when you're out of 2 yro moldy hardtack and the Lembas waybread chokes us, my Precious.
Kobold Jerky: Sometimes starvation is the less painful way to die.
Day 3 -- Afternoon
Zombie is scratching at the door again. Think it was the one I scratched earlier. He ... it ... seems to be looking for cracks in the defenses. I'm tempted to crack open one of my Farley Windows Double Tilt Sliders and take another slash at it.
Luckily the power is still on. TV was off the air for awhile but now it is back on. Unfortunately, the anchor is some whack job ad salesman who took over when no one else was left. He thinks the zombie plague was caused by a bad batch of H1N1 immunizations. Nuts.
Day 3 -- Afternoon
Zombie is scratching at the door again...
Wait a minute, Tarren... what do you do in real life? Are you sure it isn't just a horde of TMZ paparazzi/"reporters"? If it is, you have to use completely different tactics... they are much much much dumber than a CR 1/2 zombie.
Try shouting "Hey, is that [YOUNG STARLET] at the end of the block in a coke-filled bisexual orgy?" and see if they run that way.
OH, and before I forget:
Kobold jerky: Taste for yourself why there are no kobold cannibals!
{hallucinates beer-battered celestial fish and chips} Fishhhhhhh... {drools, shambles toward Angel Fish}Oh, dear. It's smiting time!
*Blasts hole in zombie ranks*
Die! Drink holy/axiomatic water, zombie slaad thing!
Water attack: and damage is for undead creatures , for chaotic creatures , and for both !
{hallucinates beer-battered celestial fish and chips} Fishhhhhhh... {drools, shambles toward Angel Fish}Die! Drink holy/axiomatic water, zombie slaad thing!
Water attack: 1d20+8 and damage is for undead creatures 5d4, for chaotic creatures 5d4, and for both 5d6!
{hallucinates Skor candy bar, dives for it, accidentally evading his attack} Mmmm, chocolate & toffeeeeeeeeee....
<Puts on lipstick and a wig>
Ohhhh, Tarren! Help save me from these zobmies!
Bluff check: 1d20 - 20
Day 3 - Evening
Today has been stranger than yesterday. And, yesterday, brain-eating zombies were congregating around my house in larger and larger numbers. Today, I saw a brain eating zombie in drag. That can't be good.
Did sombody say zombies?
Day 3 -- Evening
Watched a documentary on the YouTube thing about killing zombies. Good presentation but low on specifics. Don't think it will be helpful. Hinted at some kind of solar powered defense against zombies but did not explain.
I wonder if my Sedu Revolution Pro Tourmaline Ionic TGR 4000i Hair Dryer could be turned into a weapon of some kind...
I wonder if my Sedu Revolution Pro Tourmaline Ionic TGR 4000i Hair Dryer could be turned into a weapon of some kind...
Remember Tarren, your PFRPG hardcover can be lashed to your forearm as a small shield. And you can probably pry off a table leg for use as a club (leave any nails or wood screws in it for extra damage).
Like Stephen Colbert always says: "Feed a cold, Starve a fever, Behead a zombie." I don't care if the first two are in the wrong order, it's #3 that matters.
We Canadian's know a thing or two about Zombie fighting. What do you think Canadian Thanksgiving is all about? Here's a few tips for you that we've learned in combatting the great zombie herds that roam our prairies every spring:
Don't get fancy if it comes to a showdown:
1) Wear close fitting gloves and long, tight sleeves, trim your hair and avoid baggy cloths to reduce the chance of getting grabbed.
Traditional Canadian Zombie Fightin' togs are leather work gloves, blue jeans, a Kenora Dinner Jacket and a toque (pom poms are reserved for ace hunters).
2) If you're gonna go into melee, choose something that is likely to crush a skull or destroy the brain. Use an axe, machete or sturdy garden edger. A good shovel is nice too.
Fancy melee weapons are a liability unless you really know how to use them. Again, go for something that can do a lot of blunt head trauma or decapitate with one blow. Don't bother with weapons designed to intimidate or maim -the living dead can't be scared and are still a threat with wounds that would drop the living. NB *Chainsaws may look cool, but are too dangerous and difficult to control.*
The Canuck weapon of choice is a specially constructed pole arm with a slightly curved blade; not unlike a short glaive. It's great for chopping (high sticking we call it), slashing and tripping. You might have seen the non-zombie killing version on TV in hockey games -a traditional Canadian game where the puck was originally a zombie head.
3)Choose a place where you only have to face one or two at a time and can retreat to safety without being followed.
4)If you have access to a choice of guns, go for a semi automatic weapon. The limited rate of fire will preserve your ammo and force you to aim your shots (for the head, duh). You don't need a lot of power either to bust a zombie head either and ammo for smaller firearms is lighter too, so you can carry more.
Since most Canadians don't own guns (we're too manly and we prefer the visceral press of melee combat), I can't get into more specifics than that.
Good luck, eh! :)
Oh, and go Kobolds!
PS this is less of an instruction set for TD (he's obviously dealing with some stragglers before the big freeze), but a good primer for others.
over teh radio's:
"My.......fellow............ch......Americans,.......ch....ch....
I,.....Senator Robert,......Byrd,......as President.......pro.(long pause, snoring)tempore......of the
.....Senate (snoring; either that or hacking a loogy)
............
and......................(snorting).........
in the absence............
of,.......
(snoring)
I personally think you are over reacting, haven't you seen the new video the government has released.
Govt. Endorsed Information Video
Ties DVD to rock and throws through anywhere is will fit
oh and
..............braaaaaainsssssss...................
Like Stephen Colbert always says: "Feed a cold, Starve a fever, Behead a zombie." I don't care if the first two are in the wrong order, it's #3 that matters.
We Canadian's know a thing or two about Zombie fighting. What do you think Canadian Thanksgiving is all about? Here's a few tips for you that we've learned in combatting the great zombie herds that roam our prairies every spring:
Don't get fancy if it comes to a showdown:
1) Wear close fitting gloves and long, tight sleeves, trim your hair and avoid baggy cloths to reduce the chance of getting grabbed.Traditional Canadian Zombie Fightin' togs are leather work gloves, blue jeans, a Kenora Dinner Jacket and a toque (pom poms are reserved for ace hunters).
2) If you're gonna go into melee, choose something that is likely to crush a skull or destroy the brain. Use an axe, machete or sturdy garden edger. A good shovel is nice too.
Fancy melee weapons are a liability unless you really know how to use them. Again, go for something that can do a lot of blunt head trauma or decapitate with one blow. Don't bother with weapons designed to intimidate or maim -the living dead can't be scared and are still a threat with wounds that would drop the living. NB *Chainsaws may look cool, but are too dangerous and difficult to control.*
The Canuck weapon of choice is a specially constructed pole arm with a slightly curved blade; not unlike a short glaive. It's great for chopping (high sticking we call it), slashing and tripping. You might have seen the non-zombie killing version on TV in hockey games -a traditional Canadian game where the puck was originally a zombie head.
3)Choose a place where you only have to face one or two at a time and can retreat to safety without being followed.
4)If you have access to a choice of guns, go for a semi automatic weapon. The limited rate of fire will preserve your ammo and force you to aim your shots (for the head, duh). You don't need a lot of power either to bust a zombie head either and ammo for smaller...
Thank you Xuttah, I hope you and yours are doing well. I heard that Surelybroke where I'm living has milder winters. I forgot to ask the human resources people if it got cold enough to freeze the zombies.
Day 4 -- Morning
Must have fallen asleep. Guess I needed it. Still have to learn Farley Mowatt's trick of taking wolf naps. Or, I guess it was a wolf's trick first.
Had a strange dream that there were no zombies and the tapping at my door was a UPS guy delivering a candygram from Moorluck's wife. Ah, well.