Granted. Whenever you put on or shed off weight, you do so only from your head, making you look absolutely strange whenever you don't weigh exactly what you weigh now.

I wish I got a sexy masseuse who did her work on me. I hate my back right now.

I wish I could maintain the same pants size for the rest of my life.

Granted, you instantly die. You life was shorter then you hoped but your pants always fit.

I wish I was as strong as superman.

I wish I was as strong as superman.

Granted! You do not, however, possess his impressive fine motor skills.

You stomp holes in the pavement with every step, break nearly everything you touch, including friends and loved ones, who you horribly mangle with the slightest contact. You become bitter and alone.

I wish I could make people's heads explode like that dude in Scanners, and that there was no means of detecting that I was the cause.

I wish I could make people's heads explode like that dude in Scanners, and that there was no means of detecting that I was the cause.

Granted, you unwittingly kill yourself when you look at the mirror for shaving.

I wish I could fly.

I wish I could fly.

Granted - However, unable to land, you keep going higher and higher. Eventually you suffucate, after which your body continues to rise, gradually freezing solid as the temperature decreases. Ultimately, your frozen and lifeless corpse becomes a second, very tiny moon orbiting the earth. When humans eventually build a city on the moon, travellers back and forth take great pleasure in mocking your sub-zero cadaver.

I wish I could find some really great honey to make mead with.

Dogbert wrote:

I wish I could fly.

Granted - However, unable to land, you keep going higher and higher. Eventually you suffucate, after which your body continues to rise, gradually freezing solid as the temperature decreases. Ultimately, your frozen and lifeless corpse becomes a second, very tiny moon orbiting the earth. When humans eventually build a city on the moon, travellers back and forth take great pleasure in mocking your sub-zero cadaver.

I wish I could find some really great honey to make mead with.

Granted! Unfortunately, the honey is guarded by Colossal half-fiend giant bees that promptly sting you a few thousand times and then feed you to their larvae. But you at least found the honey.

I wish the universe would end on my command.

Aberzombie wrote:

Dogbert wrote:

I wish I could fly.

Granted - However, unable to land, you keep going higher and higher. Eventually you suffucate, after which your body continues to rise, gradually freezing solid as the temperature decreases. Ultimately, your frozen and lifeless corpse becomes a second, very tiny moon orbiting the earth. When humans eventually build a city on the moon, travellers back and forth take great pleasure in mocking your sub-zero cadaver.

I wish I could find some really great honey to make mead with.

Granted! Unfortunately, the honey is guarded by Colossal half-fiend giant bees that promptly sting you a few thousand times and then feed you to their larvae. But you at least found the honey.

I wish the universe would end on my command.

Done!(god complex much ;) )

Having had the worst day ever and stuck in traffic you cry out "I want it all to just go away!" in the millisecond it takes the universe to implode you think to yourself "that is so cool." in the cosmic dust that settles your tiny spark of power causes a new universe to form.
A universe that holds you as God, a universe of....SMURFS!!
*I hope your happy with yourself vile smurf God.*

I wish I made more sense.

I wish I made more sense.

As your wish completes, everyone in the world is driven just as insane as you. The good news is that people think you make sense now. However, the bad news is that everyone is now mad as a hatter and society collapses completely.

I wish that my consciousness was not tied to the survival of my body and could reform a destroyed or damaged body into an exact likeness of my current one.

I wish that my consciousness was not tied to the survival of my body and could reform a destroyed or damaged body into an exact likeness of my current one.

Granted, but the likeness is a 2D, 3inch tall replica.

I wish I hadn't made this wish.

Rhavin wrote:

I wish that my consciousness was not tied to the survival of my body and could reform a destroyed or damaged body into an exact likeness of my current one.

Granted, but the likeness is a 2D, 3inch tall replica.

I wish I hadn't made this wish.

Granted. You've been comatose from a meteor hitting you one hour and twenty-six minutes ago. This is all a dream.

I wish my feet didn't sweat so much.

Db3's Astral Projection wrote:

Rhavin wrote:

I wish that my consciousness was not tied to the survival of my body and could reform a destroyed or damaged body into an exact likeness of my current one.

Granted, but the likeness is a 2D, 3inch tall replica.

I wish I hadn't made this wish.

Granted. You've been comatose from a meteor hitting you one hour and twenty-six minutes ago. This is all a dream.

I wish my feet didn't sweat so much.

Done!!

After the freak lawnmower accident your feet dont sweat at all, and it turns out they made great fertilizer... your lawn has never looked better!!

I wish I had a job with the Paizo team.

I wish I had a job with the Paizo team.

Granted! You look at your resume one morning and find that you have three missing years and a note in the folder about 'military service'. You remember nothing, but strange people keep staring at you as you wander around in your life.

I wish I owned one of every 3.X rulebook and had them stored in a convenient place I could readily access on an everyday basis.

If the 3 missing years was elminating all opposistion to Paizos futher glory I can live with that ;-)

If the 3 missing years was elminating all opposistion to Paizos futher glory I can live with that ;-)

Actually, I was thinking something more like the recent 'Knight Rider' series;p

Moorluck wrote:

If the 3 missing years was elminating all opposistion to Paizos futher glory I can live with that ;-)

Actually, I was thinking something more like the recent 'Knight Rider' series;p

Thats cold.

OK heres your wish.

After an unexpected windfall you find yourself the proud owner of every 3.x book and supplement ever released, all stored in a fireproof airtight vault secured with a state of the art combonation lock, life is good for you.
It's too bad the car accident has left you with a tiny gap in your memories and you can't remember the combonation any more!

I wish I knew what happened to my old flame Mary Ann Cassidy.

I wish I knew what happened to my old flame Mary Ann Cassidy.

Normally you would only be able to tell where she was or how fast she was travelling. You've pushed the quantum limits and destroyed reality. Whoops.

I wish my dad would give me a bit more credit.

Moorluck wrote:

I wish I knew what happened to my old flame Mary Ann Cassidy.

Normally you would only be able to tell where she was or how fast she was travelling. You've pushed the quantum limits and destroyed reality. Whoops.

I wish my dad would give me a bit more credit.

Done!

Your Dad now has the upmost faith in you, he thinks you can do anything. He volunters you for everything from building houses to fixing the neighbors laptop to doing the family taxes. U nable to take the strain you run away and join a traveling drag show under the name Gypsy D'Strangelove. Have fun with that.

I wish the evil monkey ninjas in my kids closet would leave my house!

Gypsy d' Strangelove? I prefer Svetlana Monsoon!

As for your ninjas...

Unbeknownst to you they were your last line of nocturnal defence. Alone and unprotected you are abducted by aliens who sell your spleen to the highest bidder and your spleenless body for shoe leather.

I wish I could cook perfect steaks.

Gypsy d' Strangelove? I prefer Svetlana Monsoon!

As for your ninjas...

Unbeknownst to you they were your last line of nocturnal defence. Alone and unprotected you are abducted by aliens who sell your spleen to the highest bidder and your spleenless body for shoe leather.

I wish I could cook perfect steaks.

Granted! You attend culinary school and become known for your talents with steak. Unfortunately for you the school's name, when translated from the French, is "Steaks from the Crypt". You didn't realize that steak looked that way . . . until the SWAT team comes in looking for the cannibals in the kitchen.

I wish I controlled the horizontal. And the vertical. And that annoying Z-axis too.

Gypsy d' Strangelove? I prefer Svetlana Monsoon!

As for your ninjas...

Unbeknownst to you they were your last line of nocturnal defence. Alone and unprotected you are abducted by aliens who sell your spleen to the highest bidder and your spleenless body for shoe leather.

I wish I could cook perfect steaks.

Your Gypsy D'Strangelove and thats final ;p

Your wish is granted!

Your steaks are perfect, the best in the world...
but since the steaks are so darn good you have an unwanted house guest living with you forever more...Me!!(hope you got beer with those steaks)

I wish I could throw one big kick A** party and invite everyone on the boards as guest

carborundum wrote:

Gypsy d' Strangelove? I prefer Svetlana Monsoon!

As for your ninjas...

Unbeknownst to you they were your last line of nocturnal defence. Alone and unprotected you are abducted by aliens who sell your spleen to the highest bidder and your spleenless body for shoe leather.

I wish I could cook perfect steaks.

Granted! You attend culinary school and become known for your talents with steak. Unfortunately for you the school's name, when translated from the French, is "Steaks from the Crypt". You didn't realize that steak looked that way . . . until the SWAT team comes in looking for the cannibals in the kitchen.

I wish I controlled the horizontal. And the vertical. And that annoying Z-axis too.

Your control of three axes makes you first against the wall when the Many-Angled Ones return. You are now a two-dimensional smear.

I wish I was a spy, a really cool, suave one. And I don't mean cool as in cold.

Done!!

You are the coolest spy in the world, everyone wants to be like you, teenage girls have posters of you in their bedrooms and guys want to be you.
Of course this means you suck at the spy game 'cause evryone knows who are.

I still wish for my kick A** board party.

Done!!

You are the coolest spy in the world, everyone wants to be like you, teenage girls have posters of you in their bedrooms and guys want to be you.
Of course this means you suck at the spy game 'cause evryone knows who are.

I still wish for my kick A** board party.

Granted. Sadly, in order to get some of the foreign residents along, you find it necessary to start World War III, and engage in a scheme of world conquest (taking care not to kill any messageboard posters, which results in some weird tactics miltarily that cause ever escalating casualties).

I wish Arnold Schwarznegger were Prime-Minister of the UK.

I wish Arnold Schwarznegger were Prime-Minister of the UK.

Granted! You slip into an alternate universe and find Arnold as the UK Prime-Minister. Since he never went to America to have an acting career, the Terminator series never begins. Humans are totally unprepared for the Rise of the Machines and are exterminated in a brief, brutal, one-sided genocidal war.

I wish I were Optimus Prime and the movie didn't end up killing me.

I wish I were Optimus Prime and the movie didn't end up killing me.

Granted, but then the purists raise their fists so high in anger at seeing you didn't die that they manage to boycot the movie completely, sending the studio to bankrupcy, where you spend eternity canned.

I wish I was a movie star.

Lathiira wrote:

I wish I were Optimus Prime and the movie didn't end up killing me.

Granted, but then the purists raise their fists so high in anger at seeing you didn't die that they manage to boycot the movie completely, sending the studio to bankrupcy, where you spend eternity canned.

I wish I was a movie star.

Done!!

You are Danny Divito.

I wish Walsh hadn't died in the Serenity movie.

Dogbert wrote:

Lathiira wrote:

I wish I were Optimus Prime and the movie didn't end up killing me.

Granted, but then the purists raise their fists so high in anger at seeing you didn't die that they manage to boycot the movie completely, sending the studio to bankrupcy, where you spend eternity canned.

I wish I was a movie star.

Done!!

You are Danny Divito.

I wish Walsh hadn't died in the Serenity movie.

Granted! You join me in Limbo.

I wish Paizo owned the Dungeons and Dragons game.

Moorluck wrote:

Dogbert wrote:

Lathiira wrote:

I wish I were Optimus Prime and the movie didn't end up killing me.

Granted, but then the purists raise their fists so high in anger at seeing you didn't die that they manage to boycot the movie completely, sending the studio to bankrupcy, where you spend eternity canned.

I wish I was a movie star.

Done!!

You are Danny Divito.

I wish Walsh hadn't died in the Serenity movie.

Granted! You join me in Limbo.

I wish Paizo owned the Dungeons and Dragons game.

Granted Hasbro sells the licence to Paizo as they have run out of ideas to screw the game even further.

Paizo ushers in a golden age of roleplaying the like the world has never seen. Unfortunatley this brings the Paizo & D&D to the notice of a large fast food family restraunt mega corporation which buys out Paizo by making an offer no one can refuse. D&D becomes McD&D with all the taste and nutritional value of its other products.

I wish I had a day to my self where I could play on my computer all day without having to be at the beck and call of Mrs 8th Dwarf and the little 9th and 10th Dwarves.

D&D becomes McD&D with all the taste and nutritional value of its other products.

I wish I had a day to my self where I could play on my computer all day without having to be at the beck and call of Mrs 8th Dwarf and the little 9th and 10th Dwarves.

Granted, that day your graphics card burns out, and all you're left to play is solitaire.

I wish my computer had an extra 1TB HD and 6 more GB of RAM.

P.D: There's a LotR-themed taco-restaurant near home... as close as McD&D as you get, but tastier. =D

I wish my computer had an extra 1TB HD and 6 more GB of RAM.

Granted - Your computer is upgraded, and soon develops its own intelligence, becoming the Master Control Program. The MCP uses advanced technology to digitize you. In this virtual realm, your digital self is forced into a digital ball, and you spend the remainder of your exisitence trapped in a game of PONG.

I wish that I had a house with a room just for my comics.

Dogbert wrote:

I wish my computer had an extra 1TB HD and 6 more GB of RAM.

Granted - Your computer is upgraded, and soon develops its own intelligence, becoming the Master Control Program. The MCP uses advanced technology to digitize you. In this virtual realm, your digital self is forced into a digital ball, and you spend the remainder of your exisitence trapped in a game of PONG.

I wish that I had a house with a room just for my comics.

Done!

You now live in a rented storage space.But at least the one next to you was available for your comics!

I wish Harry Potter had never been turned into a movie!!

Aberzombie wrote:

Dogbert wrote:

I wish my computer had an extra 1TB HD and 6 more GB of RAM.

Granted - Your computer is upgraded, and soon develops its own intelligence, becoming the Master Control Program. The MCP uses advanced technology to digitize you. In this virtual realm, your digital self is forced into a digital ball, and you spend the remainder of your exisitence trapped in a game of PONG.

I wish that I had a house with a room just for my comics.

Done!

You now live in a rented storage space.But at least the one next to you was available for your comics!

I wish Harry Potter had never been turned into a movie!!

Granted! Instead, the gap was filled in the 1st few years by nothing, and then later by LotR-wannabes. Fantasy movies get a bad rap as poorly-executed versions of "The Chronicles of St. Thomas the Revenant", "On a Pale Horse", and other fantasy classics bomb out in the theaters. No company wants to touch a fantasy-movie again after this.

I wish for tougher wishes to twist!

Granted, your brain develops an inability to process desire making it damn near impossible to want anything. Infact it is so difficult that finally completing a wish causes a massive aneurism killing you instantly.

I wish to make the perfect, flawless wish.

Granted, your brain develops an inability to process desire making it damn near impossible to want anything. Infact it is so difficult that finally completing a wish causes a massive aneurism killing you instantly.

I wish to make the perfect, flawless wish.

Granted! You make it-and promptly forget what you wished for.

Somewhere else, a great thing happens . . . .

I wish that all of my favorite PCs were living, breathing people.

I wish that all of my favorite PCs were living, breathing people.

Granted, and seeing you as their godess, they proceed to kill each other (and you in the process) out of jealousy coming from an Aedipus/Electra complex.

I wish for a mountain of ice cream.

Lathiira wrote:

I wish that all of my favorite PCs were living, breathing people.

Granted, and seeing you as their godess, they proceed to kill each other (and you in the process) out of jealousy coming from an Aedipus/Electra complex.

I wish for a mountain of ice cream.

Granted you freeze to death after being crushed in a sprinkles avalanche while scaling cookie ridge.

I wish I owned a real working Millennium Falcon and had a Wookiee side kick.

I wish I owned a real working Millennium Falcon and had a Wookiee side kick.

Granted, only you terminally fail when flying into an asteroid field and crash into one at about 0.3 C.

I wish for the ability to hypnotize people whenever I want.

I wish for the ability to hypnotize people whenever I want.

Granted - sadly, the first person you hypnotize has deeply supressed psychotic tendencies, which your actions only help bring to the surface. This person then goes on a massive killing spree, culminating with breaking into a nuclear missile silo and launcing a missile at China. World War III begins shortly thereafter.

I wish James Cameron had continued with the Sci-Fi/Action Genre instead of making Titanic.

Dragonchess Player wrote:

I wish for the ability to hypnotize people whenever I want.

Granted - sadly, the first person you hypnotize has deeply supressed psychotic tendencies, which your actions only help bring to the surface. This person then goes on a massive killing spree, culminating with breaking into a nuclear missile silo and launcing a missile at China. World War III begins shortly thereafter.

I wish James Cameron had continued with the Sci-Fi/Action Genre instead of making Titanic.

Granted. Instead, the public is made to suffer through Titanic: a Space Opera, complete with cheesy Celine Dion songs. Science Fiction loses all credibility, and is relegated to a level of cheese slightly below Elvis Presley movies.

I wish I got more respect from people.

I wish I got more respect from people.

Granted. It works out great until a lunatic decides the best show of respect is to die with you in a gory murder/suicide.

I wish television networks would stop making reality shows.

I wish television networks would stop making reality shows.

Granted! Now they make reggaeton-music specials instead of the reality shows.

I wish I had more time so I could do everything I wanted to without running out of hours before each day is done.

I wish I had more time so I could do everything I wanted to without running out of hours before each day is done.

Granted!

You now run at 10X normal speed. Each day seems like ten, but everyone else seems veeeeeery slow ....

I wish that I had a preview copy of The Hobbit movie

I wish that I had a preview copy of The Hobbit movie

Granted ! Too bad it was raw unedited, uncut footage, without a musical score, any cinamatogrephy or sound or light editing and no special effects to speak of. Every hobbit was well over 5' 9'' and had a New Zealand accent and the only dialouge was "g'day mate". That's 64 + hours of your life you will never get back. Try not to shoot yourself.

I wish the Super Star Destroyer Executor never crashed on the superstructure of the unfinished Death Star II.

Patrick Curtin wrote:

I wish that I had a preview copy of The Hobbit movie

Granted ! Too bad it was raw unedited, uncut footage, without a musical score, any cinamatogrephy or sound or light editing and no special effects to speak of. Every hobbit was well over 5' 9'' and had a New Zealand accent and the only dialouge was "g'day mate". That's 64 + hours of your life you will never get back. Try not to shoot yourself.

I wish the Super Star Destroyer Executor never crashed on the superstructure of the unfinished Death Star II.

Done!!

Unbeknownst to you the Star Wars movie are documentories of the real war being waged in the next galaxy.The Executioner, the imperial flagship, survives the battle at Endor but is forced to make an emergency leap into hyperspace which leaves it in our galaxy.Convinced that Earth is the secret rebel base it begins a bombardment of our planet that leaves entire continents shattered.

I wish that Marvel comics hadn't depowered Jubilee or any of the other mutants in the comics.

Granted! Marvel comics goes belly up in 1966, and Stan Lee and Ditko go on to make romantic novels for tweens. Chris Claremont writes pirate comics for D.C, when the failure of Marvel is seen as a sign that superhero comics are not viable.

I wish that Tiger woods would give the $100,000,000 he gets from Nike to wear their sneakers, to the sweatshop chinese labour that makes the actual shoes, thus giving them more than the $2.60 a day or the $36.40 for 14 days that they currently earn.

Granted! Marvel comics goes belly up in 1966, and Stan Lee and Ditko go on to make romantic novels for tweens. Chris Claremont writes pirate comics for D.C, when the failure of Marvel is seen as a sign that superhero comics are not viable.

I wish that Tiger woods would give the $100,000,000 he gets from Nike to wear their sneakers, to the sweatshop chinese labour that makes the actual shoes, thus giving them more than the $2.60 a day or the $36.40 for 14 days that they currently earn.

Now how am I supposed to twist that wish... I'd like to see it granted for real.

Me too.

I think he needs to make another wish, that one should be granted without a twist of any kind.

I wish that all songs on itunes were 10c.