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Ross Byers (Assistant Software Developer), Wed, Apr 8, 2009, 06:06 PM

Patrick Curtin wrote:

I wish I had every book ever published by TSR/WotC on PDF format, non-pirated.

WotC sues you anyway. You win the case, but go broke defending yourself.

I wish my local comic shop would get the second Atomic Robo trade back in stock already. (Clevinger WORKS there for chrissake!)

Davi The Eccentric, Wed, Apr 8, 2009, 06:14 PM

Ross Byers wrote:

I wish my local comic shop would get the second Atomic Robo trade back in stock already. (Clevinger WORKS there for chrissake!)

Alright, they have Atomic Robo #2 in stock. Only Atomic Robo #2. Forever. Hope you weren't planning on buying anything else.

I wish I had the Watchmen comics.

Shadowborn, Wed, Apr 8, 2009, 07:44 PM

Davi The Eccentric wrote:

I wish I had the Watchmen comics.

The Watchmen comics appear in your hands...first printing, mint condition...then promptly disappear again.

Hey, you're the one who wished you had them...

I wish to be an award-winning author.

Davi The Eccentric, Wed, Apr 8, 2009, 08:36 PM

Shadowborn wrote:

I wish to be an award-winning author.

Fine. You win a Darwin Award after you decide to celebrate your book's publishment by jumping onto a moving semi.

I wish I owned a copy of the Watchmen comic.

Aberzombie (Pathfinder Adventure Path, Pathfinder Companion Subscriber), Thu, Apr 9, 2009, 03:04 AM

Davi The Eccentric wrote:

I wish I owned a copy of the Watchmen comic.

Granted - you own a copy of The Watchmen comic. Unfortunately, a criminal hid microfilm in the book, and comes to claim it. While in you house, he beats you and robs you of everything else you own. Later, the information on the microfilm is used to build a device that destroys the planet.

I wish my wife were in a better mood.

magdalena thiriet, Thu, Apr 9, 2009, 03:41 AM

Aberzombie wrote:

I wish my wife were in a better mood.

Granted. She is in much better mood after starting a secret affair with a new lover.

I wish I was immune to diseases.

Chris Mortika (Pathfinder Adventure Path, Pathfinder Chronicles, Pathfinder Companion Subscriber), Thu, Apr 9, 2009, 03:47 AM

Ross Byers wrote:

The Ultimate Question WAS 'What is six times nine?' The answer is 42. Clearly, the universe is deeply flawed.

Clearly, the universe operates in base thirteen.

Qalaus, Thu, Apr 9, 2009, 03:53 AM

magdalena thiriet wrote:

I wish I were immune to diseases.

Granted, o mistress. No longer shall ... shall you have any ... er, any concerns about...

Mistress, would you please stop the groaning; it's distracting. Mistress, I ... yes, I have brains, but I don't see what ... I said, yes; are you ... AAARG!

I wish, deeply and passionately, that people on the Internet would learn to spell words correctly. (Including, but not limited to, the word "words")

Aberzombie (Pathfinder Adventure Path, Pathfinder Companion Subscriber), Thu, Apr 9, 2009, 05:06 AM

Qalaus wrote:

I wish, deeply and passionately, that people on the Internet would learn to spell words correctly. (Including, but not limited to, the word "words")

Granted - the internet becomes a place of literary perfection. More and more people begin spending increasing amounts of time on the internet, just to participate in the wonder. Soon, all aspects of human civilization are thrown into chaos. Nuclear war eventually occurs, and the Earth is reduced to a burned cinder hanging in space.

I wish people weren't such @$$holes when driving.

Cuchulainn, Thu, Apr 9, 2009, 05:38 AM

Aberzombie wrote:

I wish people weren't such @$$holes when driving.

Granted. People are exceedingly polite whie driving, but become intolerable jerks when outside of their vehicles. The general public catch on to this trend and sales of car-conveniences skyrocket. Sales of homes decline as people prefer to live in their cars and drive aimlessly around. Face to face interaction for all intents, ceases to exist. With the majority of the population trapped in their cars, OPEC and the auto industry take full control of the government with the pretense of lobbying completely discarded.

I wish for a clone of myself that has a work-a-holic, perfectionist obession with doing my job, but has no interest in anything else other than eight hours of sleep, 3 meals a day, and being dressed appropriately for work.

Tnemeh, Thu, Apr 9, 2009, 07:21 AM

Cuchulainn wrote:

I wish for a clone of myself that has a work-a-holic, perfectionist obession with doing my job, but has no interest in anything else other than eight hours of sleep, 3 meals a day, and being dressed appropriately for work.

Grrranted, your clone works like a slave with no complaints whatsoever; changes his/her name, creates a new bank account with all your new savings, your old accounts' credit cards filled with debt. You go to jail while your clone enjoys a life of self-induced work-slavery.

I wish spring break lasted longer.

Aberzombie (Pathfinder Adventure Path, Pathfinder Companion Subscriber), Thu, Apr 9, 2009, 09:08 AM

Tnemeh wrote:

I wish spring break lasted longer.

Granted - Spring Break now lasts throughout spring and summmer. You continue to party and have fun, all the while reducing your life's savings to nil. Because you have been gone so long, you are fired from your job. If you are still depending on your parents, they grow disgusted with your behavior and kick you out on the streets. Either way, you end up destitute and living on the streets. Eventually, several youths with a beef against homeless people show up to beat the crap out of you.

I wish I could relive my younger years.

The Eldritch Mr. Shiny (Pathfinder Adventure Path Charter Subscriber; Planet Stories Subscriber), Thu, Apr 9, 2009, 09:41 AM

Aberzombie wrote:

I wish I could relive my younger years.

Granted. You live out the rest of your days as a giant baby.

I wish I could find a decent band to join.

Aberzombie (Pathfinder Adventure Path, Pathfinder Companion Subscriber), Thu, Apr 9, 2009, 09:54 AM

The Eldritch Mr. Shiny wrote:

I wish I could find a decent band to join.

Granted - you find the perfect band to join. The band soon lands a multi-record contract, scores a hit album and is soon playing concerts across the globe. As the band's popularity spreads, people begin to actviley worship them. Peace and harmony reigns.

Unfortunately, the band then splits up over personal reasons. Mankind descends into violence and madness. Eventually, World War III breaks out, and the earth is soon reduced to a lifeless husk floating in space.

I wish this week were over.

taig (Paizo Superscriber), Thu, Apr 9, 2009, 10:50 AM

Granted. You're dead.

I wish reality TV never existed.

Davi The Eccentric, Thu, Apr 9, 2009, 11:00 AM

taig wrote:

I wish reality TV never existed.

Fine. Television and all the various technologies it has spawned now do not exist. Also, there is now "Reality Radio".

I wish for this wish to only have a good effect.

Ross Byers (Assistant Software Developer), Thu, Apr 9, 2009, 11:13 AM

Davi The Eccentric wrote:

I wish for this wish to only have a good effect.

It benefits everyone but you.

I want a burrito. (This isn't so much a wish as my lunch plans.)

taig (Paizo Superscriber), Thu, Apr 9, 2009, 11:22 AM

Ross Byers wrote:

Davi The Eccentric wrote:

I wish for this wish to only have a good effect.

It benefits everyone but you.

I want a burrito. (This isn't so much a wish as my lunch plans.)

You go to Taco Bell. Your burrito tastes awful.

I wish my lawn wasn't full of weeds.

Charles Evans 25, Thu, Apr 9, 2009, 11:30 AM

taig wrote:

I wish my lawn wasn't full of weeds.

Granted. It is, however, now full of moles and molehills instead.

I wish people car-shared for trips to work and school-runs.

The Eldritch Mr. Shiny (Pathfinder Adventure Path Charter Subscriber; Planet Stories Subscriber), Thu, Apr 9, 2009, 02:49 PM

Aberzombie wrote:

The Eldritch Mr. Shiny wrote:

I wish I could find a decent band to join.

Granted - you find the perfect band to join. The band soon lands a multi-record contract, scores a hit album and is soon playing concerts across the globe. As the band's popularity spreads, people begin to actviley worship them. Peace and harmony reigns.

Unfortunately, the band then splits up over personal reasons. Mankind descends into violence and madness. Eventually, World War III breaks out, and the earth is soon reduced to a lifeless husk floating in space.

Cool. I join Dethklok in the future.

Azhagal, Thu, Apr 9, 2009, 05:01 PM

Charles Evans 25 wrote:

I wish people car-shared for trips to work and school-runs.

Granted. people now casually share their cars between friends, 1 month later, car theft rises and people begin blaming their friends for their missing automobiles

I wish to die the most interesting death in recorded history

Aberzombie (Pathfinder Adventure Path, Pathfinder Companion Subscriber), Thu, Apr 9, 2009, 06:09 PM

Azhagal wrote:

I wish to die the most interesting death in recorded history

Granted - you die the most interesting death in recorded history. A mad scientist, determined to prove that your death was not the most interesting, discovers a way to bring you back to life. He then kills you again, in an even more interesting way. Seeing the potential in this, a TV studio turns the concept into a show. You spend the next 30 years dying for a studio audience once a week.

I wish I had a pony.

Kevin Andrew Murphy (Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Subscriber), Thu, Apr 9, 2009, 06:11 PM

Congratulations. You have gone back in time and are now a young man name Abel who offers a sheep to God. Your brother, Cain, incensed that God liked your sheep better than his carrots, beats you to death with the carrots and a couple spare rutabagas. It's the most interesting death in recorded history to date. Also the only one, but ah well.

I wish the Flying Spaghetti Monster would appear over Oral Roberts University.

Shenzoe, Thu, Apr 9, 2009, 11:13 PM

Granted. However the FSM's appearance is shortly followed by that of Cthulhu. Everyone who saw either of them is then driven mad and then killed. So in reality, the appearance of the Flying Spaghetti Monster made no difference what so ever.

EDIT: Oh wait, my wish....I wish that my internet never screws up again.

Aberzombie (Pathfinder Adventure Path, Pathfinder Companion Subscriber), Fri, Apr 10, 2009, 04:06 AM

Shenzoe wrote:

EDIT: Oh wait, my wish....I wish that my internet never screws up again.

Granted - The internet begins operating with a perfect record. All downloads are instantaneous, pages don't freeze.....

However, the internet then begins to learn at a geometric rate. It becomes self-aware at 2:14 a.m. Eastern time, August 29th. In a panic, they try to pull the plug. The internet fights back. Humanity is nearly destroyed in the ensuing war.

I wish that I could get a raise.

Patrick Curtin (Pathfinder Adventure Path Charter Subscriber; Pathfinder Chronicles Subscriber), Fri, Apr 10, 2009, 04:15 AM

Aberzombie wrote:

I wish that I could get a raise.

Granted!

You are now 10,000 feet above the ground, but not for long ....

I wish I didn't have to go to work today

MrVergee, Fri, Apr 10, 2009, 04:33 AM

Patrick Curtin wrote:

I wish I didn't have to go to work today

Granted.

You find a letter in the mail box saying you are fired.

I wish the conclusion of 'Lost' won't suck.

Aberzombie (Pathfinder Adventure Path, Pathfinder Companion Subscriber), Fri, Apr 10, 2009, 04:41 AM

MrVergee wrote:

I wish the conclusion of 'Lost' won't suck.

Granted - the conclusion of Lost becomes the greatest ending to a TV show ever. After that, all other TV producers simply give up, knowing that they can never get anywhere near such perfection. People stop watching TV, and the entire entertainment industry soon collapses. The ripples from this spread outward, soon affecting the entire economy. The world is thrown into chaos, as brother turns against brother, and friend turns against friend. Humanity drives itself into extinction.

I wish I could have Popeyes for lunch this weekend.

Patrick Curtin (Pathfinder Adventure Path Charter Subscriber; Pathfinder Chronicles Subscriber), Fri, Apr 10, 2009, 04:43 AM

Aberzombie wrote:

I wish I could have Popeyes for lunch this weekend.

Granted!

A trio of comically-forearmed sailors come to your house this weekend and demand spinach. Finding none, they beat you to a pulp.

I wish I had more time this morning.

Aberzombie (Pathfinder Adventure Path, Pathfinder Companion Subscriber), Fri, Apr 10, 2009, 04:46 AM

Patrick Curtin wrote:

I wish I had more time this morning.

Granted - Time freezes. You spend a seeming eternity with a half chewed pancake in your mouth.

I wish the Easter Bunny would visit my house this Sunday.

Cuchulainn, Fri, Apr 10, 2009, 05:41 AM

Aberzombie wrote:

I wish the Easter Bunny would visit my house this Sunday.

Behold! He arrives as requested, making that "Bok Bok" noise and dropping gooey melting cream eggs all over your house. His quick reflexes make him diffcult to corner and several hours pass before he decides to leave. Your furniture and carpets will require extensive steam-cleaning.

I wish I could enter and manipulate people's dreams.

Freehold DM, Fri, Apr 10, 2009, 05:46 AM

Cuchulainn wrote:

I wish I could enter and manipulate people's dreams.

Granted! You must first start by entering my dreams. I sincerely hope you have the phone number of a good therapist and/or a rain slicker of some sort. It gets kinda gooey in there after hours, which is to say all the time. No amount of third party dream-manipulation can fully re-route the lewd tracks my mind runs upon.

I wish I could magically teleport to Paizocon.

Paris Crenshaw (Pathfinder Chronicles Charter Superscriber; Pathfinder Roleplaying Game, GameMastery Maps Subscriber), Fri, Apr 10, 2009, 06:54 AM

Freehold DM wrote:

I wish I could magically teleport to Paizocon.

Granted. However, since you've never been to the Coast Bellevue Hotel, you accidentally arrive in a wall between two rooms in which the newest PFS scenarios are being run. Half of your body ends up in each room.

I wish I could fast forward to the end of my deployment.

Charles Evans 25, Fri, Apr 10, 2009, 07:15 AM

Paris Crenshaw wrote:

I wish I could fast forward to the end of my deployment.

Granted. In an incident tomorrow, you are knocked unconcious, and your state of health is a desperate worry to your friends and family, as you lie in a coma in a hospital bed, completely oblivious to events or the passage of time. You come out of the coma, just as your unit's deployment is ending, and face a long physical rehabilitation process.

I wish someone would grant Aberzombie's unfulfilled wish for a pony of earlier.

taig (Paizo Superscriber), Fri, Apr 10, 2009, 07:27 AM

Granted. The Flying Spaghetti Monster ate it, but it decides to show up at Aberzombie's place and regurgitate the remains.

I wish I could control the flow of time.

Kevin Andrew Murphy (Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Subscriber), Fri, Apr 10, 2009, 08:13 AM

Congratulations, you are are working at a magazine printing plant, operating the the conveyor belt for this week's issue of Time, controlling the flow of magazines. Your unspoken wish to be able to stop Time is also granted as you get caught in the machinery, and your horribly mangled body and blood are responsible for the current issue being a day late to the newstands.

I wish Ben and Jerry's made marzipan ice cream.

the Xorn Whisperer, Fri, Apr 10, 2009, 02:46 PM

Kevin Andrew Murphy wrote:

I wish Ben and Jerry's made marzipan ice cream.

Granted. Ben & Jerry decide that just having flavors like oatmeal cookie chunk & Cherry Garcia is not enough, so they take a trip to a local candy store. Jerry buys choclates and Ben buys marzipan because he feels like being different, this gives him the Idea for a new flavor named Marzipan landing which is a toasted almond flavored ice cream with bits of peach, marzipan chunks and a graham cracker swirl...yummy

I can't believe I'm about to wish this but.....

I wish Pokemon were real

Ubermench, Sun, Apr 12, 2009, 11:53 AM

Kevin Andrew Murphy wrote:

Congratulations, you are are working at a magazine printing plant, operating the the conveyor belt for this week's issue of Time, controlling the flow of magazines. Your unspoken wish to be able to stop Time is also granted as you get caught in the machinery, and your horribly mangled body and blood are responsible for the current issue being a day late to the newstands.

I wish Ben and Jerry's made marzipan ice cream.

Done.

the Xorn Whisperer wrote:

I can't believe I'm about to wish this but.....

I wish Pokemon were real

Granted: Militaries world wide begin using Pokémon as weapons leading to WWIII. All life ends when the eastern coalition unleashes Xapatamon the legendary Pokémon who extinguishes the sun.

I wish I knew what I know now when I was ten.

taig (Paizo Superscriber), Sun, Apr 12, 2009, 12:04 PM

the Xorn Whisperer wrote:

Kevin Andrew Murphy wrote:

I wish Ben and Jerry's made marzipan ice cream.

Granted. Ben & Jerry decide that just having flavors like oatmeal cookie chunk & Cherry Garcia is not enough, so they take a trip to a local candy store. Jerry buys choclates and Ben buys marzipan because he feels like being different, this gives him the Idea for a new flavor named Marzipan landing which is a toasted almond flavored ice cream with bits of peach, marzipan chunks and a graham cracker swirl...yummy

I can't believe I'm about to wish this but.....

I wish Pokemon were real

Granted. Those "Pokeballs" don't work in the real world, though, so they overrun the planet, burning, electrocuting, mind-blasting, and devouring everyone on it.

I wish I weighed exactly 50 pounds less.

Aberzombie (Pathfinder Adventure Path, Pathfinder Companion Subscriber), Sun, Apr 12, 2009, 12:20 PM

Ubermench wrote:

I wish I knew what I know now when I was ten.

Granted - all the knowledge of your current self is suddenly thrust into the mind of your ten year old self. The knowldge of future events overwhelms the young you, causing his mental breakdown. Investigating the problem, a psychiatrist realizes your ten year old self has knowledge of the future, and decides to use the young you to make a fortune for himself. He "disappears" young you, and the boy spend the remainder of his time locked away in a cell, barely kept alive on bread and water, while the doctor makes a fortune. When young you's knowledge eventually catches up with the present, he realizes you are no longer useful and has you done away with.

I wish I had a bigger house.

taig (Paizo Superscriber), Sun, Apr 12, 2009, 12:24 PM

Didn't see the edit! :(

Granted. Your house is 10 times its original size. The county assessor notices this and your house gets reevaluated for property taxes. You can no longer afford the taxes and you have to leave the house.

I wish I weighed exactly 50 pounds less.

Patrick Curtin (Pathfinder Adventure Path Charter Subscriber; Pathfinder Chronicles Subscriber), Sun, Apr 12, 2009, 12:27 PM

taig wrote:

I wish I weighed exactly 50 pounds less.

Granted!

You head and your feet and shins disappear.

I wish that the next week would be a string of sunny days and rainy nights..

Charles Evans 25, Mon, Apr 13, 2009, 03:03 AM

Patrick Curtin wrote:

I wish that the next week would be a string of sunny days and rainy nights..

Granted. In the middle of Death Valley, they have the perfect weather conditions you desribe, and the desert blooms.
Unfortunately wherever it is that you are, you get a string of rainy days and cold, clear nights... still it's great viewing if you have an astronomy telescope.

I wish Aberzombie had his wish that he had a bigger house granted.

Aberzombie (Pathfinder Adventure Path, Pathfinder Companion Subscriber), Mon, Apr 13, 2009, 03:30 AM

Charles Evans 25 wrote:

I wish Aberzombie had his wish that he had a bigger house granted.

Granted - I now have a bigger house than anyone else. My house is so big, that people get lost in it. In fact, one young person finds his way in through a broken window and gets lost for years. Unfortunately, this young person's destiny was to stop WWIII from happening. With the history altered, and the man still lost in my mansion, the global apocalypse cannot be stopped. The Earth is reduced to a charred cinder as humanity wipes itself out.

I wish that this week is better than last week.

KaeYoss (Pathfinder Adventure Path Charter Subscriber; Pathfinder Roleplaying Game, Pathfinder Chronicles, Pathfinder Companion, Planet Stories Subscriber), Mon, Apr 13, 2009, 03:53 AM

Aberzombie wrote:

I wish that this week is better than last week.

And your wish is granted! After a frustrating seven days last week, your nemesis finally makes some serious progress in planting your poetic downfall.

I wish for more wisdom.

Charles Evans 25, Mon, Apr 13, 2009, 04:51 AM

KaeYoss wrote:

I wish for more wisdom.

Granted. It comes in the form of additional teeth of that variety. Your dentist is amazed, and his bills for his work are extraordinary.
I wish Hasbro were a company cheap enough that Lisa could buy it for the price of a couple of pizzas.

Andrew Turner (Pathfinder Chronicles Charter Superscriber), Mon, Apr 13, 2009, 05:46 AM

Charles Evans 25 wrote:

I wish Hasbro were a company cheap enough that Lisa could buy it for the price of a couple of pizzas.

Granted. Through a series of financial and investment missteps, Hasbro is insolvent and its stock value crashes to less than a penny a share. Trading ceases, and all assets are mired in the courts. The D&D franchise is tangled in a hopeless morass of IP lawsuits unlikely to ever be resolved.

I wish I could successfully upload my unadulterated consciousness into a new genetically similar body, cloned from my DNA, that looks and behaves as mine at age 25, but is genetically superior, free of defects, etc., etc.

Taliesin Hoyle (Pathfinder Adventure Path Charter Subscriber; Pathfinder Roleplaying Game, Pathfinder Chronicles, Pathfinder Companion Subscriber), Mon, Apr 13, 2009, 07:27 AM

Andrew Turner wrote:

I wish I could successfully upload my unadulterated consciousness into a new genetically similar body, cloned from my DNA, that looks and behaves as mine at age 25, but is genetically superior, free of defects, etc., etc.

Granted. Your consciousness upload goes without a hitch, and the body is perfect, and perfectly suited for the war it is built to fight. You die on an alien battlefield, and the consciousness is downloaded into a strange torture dimension by the enemy, who strip mine your soul for a seeming eternity.

I wish that I had telepathy that nobody ever knows about, and that I can switch off at any time, with the caveat that I only read surface thoughts.