FROM THE GUTTER
TO THE TOP
KMFDM WILL NEVER STOP!

- KMFDM

Ooooh Baby you, you got what I neeeed. But you say he's just a friend, you say he's just a friend. - Biz Markee

"Okay, lets me explains agian, in prefrectlys clare Anglesh, I wants flys in on a dragons, okay. How many times I got to tells these peoples!"
"I know, there isn't a dragon."
"I knows, that's what I'm telling you!"
"But that's what I'm telling you."
"So go get one. What are you doing here? Go! Go get one! Now! Go! Go!"
"They don't have them!"
"Are you tellings me they are out of dragons?"
"They never had dragons."
"Who didn't?"
"The world!"
"GETS THIS GUYS OUT OF HERE! FINDS ME A DRAGON!"

An American Haiku by Jack Kerouac.

Missed a kick
at the icebox door.
It closed anyway.

Jack....Kerouac...
He's a Lego maniac.

Is this an American Haiku?

The cat jumped,
suspended by thread.
Glass vase met floor.

Lucky Day: In a way, each of us has an El Guapo to face. For some, shyness might be their El Guapo. For others, a lack of education might be their El Guapo. For us, El Guapo is a big, dangerous man who wants to kill us. But as sure as my name is Lucky Day, the people of Santa Poco can conquer their own personal El Guapo, who also happens to be *the actual* El Guapo!

"Well, when we find you you better have your boots on and your sword drawn, cuz we don't rescue helpless princesses, we eat them."
- Kruelaid

Lucky Day: In a way, each of us has an El Guapo to face. For some, shyness might be their El Guapo. For others, a lack of education might be their El Guapo. For us, El Guapo is a big, dangerous man who wants to kill us. But as sure as my name is Lucky Day, the people of Santa Poco can conquer their own personal El Guapo, who also happens to be *the actual* El Guapo!

Some people call me El Guapo.

"A watched clock never boils. Or something like that, I dunno..."
- Frank Lafferty

"Those damned blue-collar tweekers have always run this town..."
- Primus

"Its only an island if you look at it from the water"

"You're gonna need a bigger boat". RIP RS

"What is wrong wis dese dumb dildos? Dey gives us all dah free coffee in the world and no instruction how to COOK it!"
- Skwisgaar Skwigelf

"The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his."
- George S. Patton

"I reject your reality and substitute my own!"
- Paul Bradford (later quoted by Adam Savage)

"Toil without song is like a weary journey without an end."

"The world is indeed comic, but the joke is on mankind."

"The most merciful thing in the world is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents."

"I fear my enthusiasm flags when real work is demanded of me."

"I am disillusioned enough to know that no man's opinion on any subject is worth a damn unless backed up with enough genuine information to make him really know what he's talking about."

"Heaven knows where I'll end up - but it's a safe bet that I'll never be at the top of anything! Nor do I particularly care to be."

- Howard Phillips Lovecraft

Random Buffy quote'

Anya: "Look, I know you find me attractive. I've seen you looking at my breasts."
Xander: "Nothing personal, but when a guy does that, it just means his eyes are open."

"Because mutiny on the bounty's what we're all about
I'm gonna board your ship and turn it on out!" -Adrock & MCA(Beastie Boys)

"The Most Illenist B-Boy, I got that feelin'. I am most ill, and I'm rhymin' and stealin'!" -MCA(Beastie Boys)

"M-I-K-E to the D. You come and see me and you pay a fee. Do what I do professionally .To tell the truth I am exactly what I want to be." -Mike D(Beastie Boys)

"I can't talk to goth girls, I just stare and stammer; like, 'my name is MC Fr... fram... Damn her if she giggles, damn her double if she laughs, goth girls love the double dammit twice fast. Goth girls, goth girls, they're the girls that go to see the nerdcore rapper with the geeked out flow. At the show, you can see the black lace on parade--I met a hundred million... dozen of 'em but I ain't got laid."

- MC Frontalot

"Noble was last year. This time, I'm getting paid."

- Nick Van Owen (portrayed by Vince Vaughan in Jurassic Park II)

Suspect (upon seeing five police officers at his front door): Damn, how many cops does it take to arrest me?

One of my more eloquent coworkers: I don't know. But I know how many we're going to use.

Epilogue; Felony Warrant arrest made without incident.

"Did you ever hear of "The Seattle Seven"? That was me ... and six other guys."

- Jeffrey 'The Dude' Lebowski

"It's like a pair of eyes. You're looking at the umlaut, and it's looking at you."

- David St. Hubbins

The umlaut: the diacritical mark of the beast.

"The Christian religion is a parody of the worship of the sun, in which they put a man called Christ in the place of the sun, and pay him the adoration originally paid to the sun."

- Thomas Paine (1737-1809)

For us, El Guapo is a big, dangerous man who wants to kill us.

Why does Bas Rutten want to kill you?

"An evil exists that threatens every man, woman, and child of this great nation. We must take steps to ensure our domestic security and protect our homeland."

I'll give you one guess.

Answer:

"An evil exists that threatens every man, woman, and child of this great nation. We must take steps to ensure our domestic security and protect our homeland."

I'll give you one guess.

Answer:** spoiler omitted **

** spoiler omitted **

4E?

"Power corrupts. Absolute power corrupts absolutely."
- Lord Acton.

4E?

No.

"There's going to be an event. We are going to go into Afghanistan, we are going to go into Iraq. By having this 'war on terror', you can never win it, so you can always keep taking people's liberties away- the media can convince everyone that it's real."

- Nicholas Rockefeller
October 18, 2000

"When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace."
- Jimi Hendrix

NO. NO. Its not possible. I can't be the first person to put one of, if not the, best quote ever on this list.

"I have come to chew bubblegum and kick a$$...and I am all out of bubblegum." -- John Nada, They Live.

"Kaiba, I'm here to kick a$$ and play children's card games - and I'm all out of a$$" LittleKuriboh, Yugioh: The Abridged Series

"Waitwaitwaitwaitwait. You're saying that this Tex guy is really a robot. And you're his boyfriend. So that must make you.... a gay robot."

"*sigh*...Yes Caboose. I'm a gay robot"

Red vs. Blue

"Such scum deserves only to be preached to death by wild clergy"
Mark Twain

"And for this fantastic display of incompetence and public nudity, Ron is awarded... no fist."
Steve, Double the Fist

"Winning is for Losers!"
The Wandering Bard

"I invoke Andersons First Law upon you. Do you know what that is? You probably don't. Not many people do. Let me explain. Imagine a giant black hole in the shape of the word no. In block capitals. With a full stop at the end of it. Now imagine it sucking all the idiocy from the world until there is nothing left of you. That is Andersons Law."
Thomas Anderson, The B Team

"Sanity... is for the weak." Chaos Lord, Dawn of War

and finally...

"Hidden in this picture is a Mr. A. A. Bradford of Sussex, England. He, cannot be seen. Now, I'm going to ask him to stand up. Mr Bradford, can you stand up, please."
*Bradford stands up*
!BANG!
*Bradford falls*
"This demonstrates the benefits, of not being seen."

John Cleese in Public Announcement No. 42: How Not To Be Seen

Fogell: Yo guys! Sup?
Seth: Fogell, where have you been, man? You almost gave me a g%~#+&n heart attack. Let me see it. Did you p#%sy out or what?
Fogell: No noooo, man. I got it; it is flawless. Check it!
Evan: [examining the fake ID] Hawaii. All right, that's good. That's hard to trace, I guess. Wait... you changed your name to... McLovin?
Fogell: Yeah.
Evan: McLovin? What kind of a stupid name is that, Fogell? What, are you trying to be an Irish R&B singer?
Fogell: Naw, they let you pick any name you want when you get down there.
Seth: And you landed on McLovin...
Fogell: Yeah. It was between that or Muhammed.
Seth: Why the F@&K would it be between THAT or Muhammed? Why don't you just pick a common name like a normal person?
Fogell: Muhammed is the most commonly used name on Earth. Read a f@&king book for once.
Evan: Fogell, have you actually ever met anyone named Muhammed?
Fogell: Have YOU actually ever met anyone named McLovin?
Seth: No, that's why you picked a dumb f@&king name!
Fogell: F@&k you.
Seth: Gimme that. All right, you look like a future pedophile in this picture, number 1. Number 2: it doesn't even have a first name, it just says "McLovin"!
Evan: What? One name? ONE NAME? Who are you? Seal?
Seth: Fogell, this ID says that you're 25 years old. Why wouldn't you just put 21, man?
Fogell: Seth, Seth, Seth. Listen up, ass-face: every day, hundreds of kids go into the liquor store with fake IDs, and every single one says they're 21. Pssh, how many 21 year olds do you think there are in this town? It's called f@&king strategy, all right?
Evan: Stay calm, okay? Let's not lose our heads. It's... it's a fine ID; it'll... it's gonna work. It's passable, okay? This isn't terrible. I mean, it's up to you, Fogell. This guy is either gonna think 'Here's another kid with a fake ID' or 'Here's McLovin, a 25 year-old Hawaiian organ donor'. Okay? So what's it gonna be?
Fogell: [grinning] ... I am McLovin!
Seth: No you're not. No one's McLovin. McLovin's never existed because that's a made up dumb F@&KING FAIRY TALE NAME, YOU F@&K!

Ron Burgundy: Boy, that escalated quickly... I mean, that really got out of hand fast.
Champ Kind: It jumped up a notch.
Ron Burgundy: It did, didn't it?
Brick Tamland: Yeah, I stabbed a man in the heart.
Ron Burgundy: I saw that. Brick killed a guy. Did you throw a trident?
Brick Tamland: Yeah, there were horses, and a man on fire, and I killed a guy with a trident.
Ron Burgundy: Brick, I've been meaning to talk to you about that. You should find yourself a safehouse or a relative close by. Lay low for a while, because you're probably wanted for murder.

"Aah! It's soooo hot! Milk was a bad choice!"
- Ron Burgundy

"People don't vanish. It's a molecular impossibility."
- Gil Grissom

"Eat Mom Here
For
Mothers Day!
Sun.May 14th"

-written on the reader board in front of a Chinese restaurant in my hometown last year. Seriously.

This actually happened to me last night.

Other person on the net: Are you male or female?

Me: I am 100% male. ~looks down at my stomach~ Ok! Ok! I am 120% male.

~grins~ I got a chuckle out of that for a while.

"Eat Mom Here

For
Mothers Day!
Sun.May 14th"

RABBITS

now hiring fried chicken today only

Tailoring
Unlimited family alterations

All from Erie, Pennsylvania: odd sign capital of the nation.

Also, in Rhinelander, Wisconsin:

AL'S GUN AND LOAN
GUNS, LIQUOR AND AMMO
BUY ONE GET ONE FREE

Business names seen around the Vegas area:

'Stanky Danky'
'Wiggly Fun'
'CASH 4 CHAOS'

As well as a billboard advertising a lawyer specilaizing in lawsuits against other lawyers (I think we may have confirmation that the USA is too lawsuit-happy...)

"I enjoy travelling to overseas places, like Canada!"-Paris Hilton

"Man, those French people have a different word for EVERYTHING!"

- Steve Martin

"I'm no genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."

- Joe Theismann

"(antiderivative)(derivative)(cabin/cabin)= log cabin + C"

- Richard McClintock

"Windows in general is like a slow, confused person. Vista is like someone who lost their meds and is trying to ignore the voices."
Wired Magazine

Cal: I mean, seriously, Asia? You framed an Asia poster? How hard did the people at the frame store laugh when you brought this in?
Andy: They did not laugh at me.
David: Know why you're gay? Because you like Asia.

"Obama cured my leprosy!"

- Jon Stewart

"Washington [DC] is where good ideas go to die."

- Barack Obama

I would never use my position to get anything done.
-A local mayor

"I'm so white that I glow under blacklights. I'm a big hit at rave parties."

- The Eldritch Mr. Shiny

"Smart comes in all kinds of ways."

- George W. Bush