paizo.com - Paizo / Messageboards / Paizo Community / Off-Topic Discussions / Archives / I heard that when Chuck Norris does push-ups...

Galdor the Great, Sun, Jun 28, 2009, 01:43 PM

...rather them push himself up, he pushes the Earth down. Is this true?

seekerofshadowlight, Sun, Jun 28, 2009, 01:51 PM

yes , yes it is

Heathansson, Sun, Jun 28, 2009, 01:58 PM

He's going to Hawaii for the Fourth.
If them North Koreans's shoot them taperdongs at us, he's gonna knock them out of the sky by pointing his index finger at them and saying "bang."

The Dalesman (Pathfinder Roleplaying Game, Pathfinder Adventure Path, Pathfinder Chronicles, Pathfinder Companion Subscriber), Mon, Jun 29, 2009, 07:25 AM

And remember:

"Chuck Norris does not sleep - he waits."

Your Friendly Neighborhood Dalesman
"Bringing Big D**n Justice to the Bad Guys Since 1369 DR"

vagrant-poet (Pathfinder Roleplaying Game, Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber), Mon, Jun 29, 2009, 07:46 AM

Also,

Crop circles are just Chuck Norris' way of saying that, sometimes, corn needs to lie the f*@! down.

Aberzombie (Pathfinder Adventure Path, Pathfinder Companion Subscriber), Mon, Jun 29, 2009, 09:23 AM

Outer Space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris.

Dragonborn3, Mon, Jun 29, 2009, 09:35 AM

Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas to bed.

The boogeyman checks under his bed for Chuck Norris.

the DZA (Pathfinder Roleplaying Game, GameMastery Cards Subscriber), Mon, Jun 29, 2009, 09:36 AM

He once went to the Virgin Islands. Now they're just known as the Islands.

Eyebite (Pathfinder Adventure Path Charter Subscriber), Mon, Jun 29, 2009, 09:45 AM

Did you know that Chuck Norris doesn't even have a chin? Underneath that beard, there's just another fist.

Cuchulainn, Mon, Jun 29, 2009, 09:51 AM

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Unfortunately, nothing can make Chuck Norris cry.

Fake Healer, Mon, Jun 29, 2009, 09:54 AM

I once saw Chuck Norris punch a cyclops between the eyes.....
I also watched him roundhouse kick a dude in the soul....

DoveArrow, Tue, Jun 30, 2009, 11:20 AM

I heard that Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's once because it was after 10:35. Apparently, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.

Ross Byers (Assistant Software Developer), Tue, Jun 30, 2009, 11:23 AM

Chuck Norris whatever. Vin Diesel can divide by zero.

Heathansson, Tue, Jun 30, 2009, 11:35 AM

Chuck Norris is the Fourth Wise Man.
He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard."

vagrant-poet (Pathfinder Roleplaying Game, Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber), Tue, Jun 30, 2009, 11:55 AM

Ross Byers wrote:

Chuck Norris whatever. Vin Diesel can divide by zero.

Boo-yah! And plays D&D and WoW!

Xabulba, Tue, Jun 30, 2009, 03:20 PM

Chuck Norris has never been shot because the bullets are too afraid to hit him.

Eyebite (Pathfinder Adventure Path Charter Subscriber), Tue, Jun 30, 2009, 03:37 PM

Chuck Norris cannot love, he can only not kill for a little bit.

zylphryx (Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber), Tue, Jun 30, 2009, 03:39 PM

Ross Byers wrote:

Chuck Norris whatever. Vin Diesel can divide by zero.

LMAO!!! That is CLASSIC!!!

+10 points to Ross!

Cosmo (Disturbing Customer Servant), Tue, Jun 30, 2009, 04:30 PM

Yeah... well... Not only did Billy Mays convince Chuck Norris to feel pain for the first time, he got him to take advantage of a LIMITED TIME OFFER AND DOUBLE (!!!) his order and made Mr. Norris pay extra shipping and handling.

David Fryer, Tue, Jun 30, 2009, 06:33 PM

When Chuck Norris does push ups, he keeps going until the ground gets tired.

Spoiler:

Xuttah, Tue, Jun 30, 2009, 07:22 PM

When Chuck Norris jumps in a lake, he doesn't get wet. The lake gets Chuck Norris'ed.

Silvereye, Tue, Jun 30, 2009, 07:39 PM

*What was going through the minds of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
*Chuck Norris has to maintain a concealed weapon license in all 50 states in order to legally wear pants.
*The following is a short list of things Chuck Norris cannot do: .

DoveArrow, Tue, Jun 30, 2009, 10:37 PM

Cosmo wrote:

Yeah... well... Not only did Billy Mays convince Chuck Norris to feel pain for the first time, he got him to take advantage of a LIMITED TIME OFFER AND DOUBLE (!!!) his order and made Mr. Norris pay extra shipping and handling.

Billy Mays just died recently, didn't he?

The only death Chuck Norris knows is the death of others.

Xabulba, Tue, Jun 30, 2009, 10:39 PM

Chuck Norris had an awkward moment once just to see how it feels.

Chuck Norris punched a lion so hard it exploded into a dozen kittens.

zylphryx (Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber), Tue, Jun 30, 2009, 11:14 PM

Chuck Norris can make you bleed with his stare.

Chuck Norris isn't afraid of death, Death is afraid of Chuck Norris.

Galdor the Great, Wed, Jul 1, 2009, 06:40 AM

Chuck Norris doesn't need midichlorians to bring balance to the Force.

therealthom (Pathfinder Adventure Path Charter Subscriber), Wed, Jul 1, 2009, 06:46 AM

Ross Byers wrote:

Chuck Norris whatever. Vin Diesel can divide by zero.

At least Vin thinks he can. Chuck Norris knows math.

Aberzombie (Pathfinder Adventure Path, Pathfinder Companion Subscriber), Wed, Jul 1, 2009, 09:07 AM

I once saw Chuck Norris slam a revolving door.

the DZA (Pathfinder Roleplaying Game, GameMastery Cards Subscriber), Wed, Jul 1, 2009, 01:26 PM

Galdor the Great wrote:

Chuck Norris doesn't need midichlorians to bring balance to the Force.

That thing that you mentioned which begins with an 'm' does not exist. :)

Wellard (Pathfinder Companion Subscriber), Wed, Jul 1, 2009, 01:37 PM

Hunters in Canada thought they had captured Bigfoot..but it was only Chuck Norris with 48 hour stubble.

(hey is there an ORIGINAL Chuck Norris Joke that is still to be done)

Celestial Healer, Wed, Jul 1, 2009, 01:42 PM

Wellard wrote:

(hey is there an ORIGINAL Chuck Norris Joke that is still to be done)

I bought a book of them. There seems to be an endless supply.

zylphryx (Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber), Wed, Jul 1, 2009, 02:09 PM

Chuck Norris sees dead people ... if he sees you, you're dead.

Polevoi, Wed, Jul 1, 2009, 02:29 PM

Chuck Norris is allowed to talk about Fight Club

David Fryer, Wed, Jul 1, 2009, 02:35 PM

Chuck Norris makes onions cry.

David Fryer, Wed, Jul 1, 2009, 02:35 PM

Chuck Norris wanted to see time fly, so he scared the clock.

David Fryer, Wed, Jul 1, 2009, 02:41 PM

Galdor the Great wrote:

Chuck Norris doesn't need midichlorians to bring balance to the Force.

There are actually three parts to the Force, the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.

Eyebite (Pathfinder Adventure Path Charter Subscriber), Wed, Jul 1, 2009, 02:51 PM

Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.

NASCAR Jack, Wed, Jul 1, 2009, 02:54 PM

No he doesn't. Chuck Norris doesn't wear a condem, because there is no protection from Chuck Norris.

Angel of Violence, Wed, Jul 1, 2009, 02:56 PM

Chuck Norris traded his sould to the Devil to get his good looks and martial arts skills. Then he kicked the devil's ass and took his soul back.

Xabulba, Wed, Jul 1, 2009, 03:06 PM

Chuck Norris is the secret ingredient in Coca-Cola

Kail'ar, Wed, Jul 1, 2009, 03:24 PM

the one where Chuck Norris eats a bible while water skiing is hard to belive
the bible is three meals, breakfast, lunch and last super

but Chuck Norris can travel back in time.

Pygon (Pathfinder Chronicles Superscriber; Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Subscriber), Wed, Jul 1, 2009, 03:35 PM

Chuck Norris doesn't read. He punches the books until they tell him what he wants to know.

Lipto the Shiv, Wed, Jul 1, 2009, 04:19 PM

Chuck Norris CAN in fact, drive 55. He doesn't however, because it's faster for him to walk.

Xabulba, Wed, Jul 1, 2009, 04:58 PM

Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer, unfortunately Chuck Norris never cries.

Ross Byers (Assistant Software Developer), Wed, Jul 1, 2009, 05:01 PM

Can Chuck Norris microwave a burrito so hot even he cannot eat it?

Xabulba, Wed, Jul 1, 2009, 05:04 PM

Ross Byers wrote:

Can Chuck Norris microwave a burrito so hot even he cannot eat it?

Chuck Norris never eats.

Bruce Lee, Wed, Jul 1, 2009, 05:40 PM

I killed Chuck Norris.

Gene, Wed, Jul 1, 2009, 06:05 PM

Bruce Lee wrote:

I killed Chuck Norris.

I heard you once killed a man by punching him from one atom away...

R.J. MacReady, Wed, Jul 1, 2009, 06:07 PM

Queried The Lord thy God:

Who art thou?

Thus spake Bruce Lee:

I AM

Captain Trips, Wed, Jul 1, 2009, 06:11 PM

Once, the illimitable Chuck Norris and the immortal Bruce Lee struck fists within a quanta of less than a quanta, and Chuck Lee was born...