Conan'd wup the whole Legion of Superheroes.

Who could whup Conan? Simple. Meepo the (former)dragon keeper, Riley from the Initiative, or pretty much anybody with a gun. Numbers hep a lot.
Conan is tough, but nobody wielding a sword can survive 10 gun-slinging guys all shooting at once.
Not even the strongest man can survive five bullets to the chest.
The medieval age is over, folks. Unless Conan gets with the times, he shall perish. >:D

Oh, yeah. There's guns around, but Conan won't use them. He's Omish.

El Mariachi-----
And he would do it with Style!

Crom laughs at your el Mariachi.

Crom laughs at your el Mariachi.

Yes, but not for long.

A thousand ages of man is a pittance to Crom.

Which is my point Crom is soooooooo slow to do anything he can't keep up.

Crom is just a burnt out metal head. "What is the riddle of steel" is just Crom's way of asking when is the new Metallica coming out.

Crom laughs at your Metallica.

Witness the prowess of Techno Viking. He can't whup Conan, but he makes Conan smile. :-)

I think that pilot who landed the plane in the Hudson river would stand a pretty decent chance of whupping Conana.

Conan unbeatable?

Aside from the afore mentioned Chuck Norris, there is only one other man who could beat Conan, SOLOMON KANE, REH's Puritan Fencer. (Course he'd be cheating what with that African Juju that's almost always backing him up, but I digress.)

You forget that no man can defeat the Rule of Cool. Conan would fall before the Viking Kittens Riding Giant Eagles, and the Ninja Chickens with laser eyes.

Chickens can't be ninjas. They cluck too much.

Conan could wup Ozymandias from the Watchmen.
In fact, if Hyboria was part of the Watchmen backstory, Ozymandias would've called himself Conan.

You forget that no man can defeat the Rule of Cool.

You are assuming that Viking Kittens Riding Giant Eagles are cool. They are merely comical.

can they has cheezburger?

While it does not count as a whuppin in the traditional sense, it seems that Bernie Madoff got Conan's gold too.

Yeah, but when he sneaks out of prison, through the room with the giant spider in it.....Conan the Internal Auditor will be there to kick him into the big web.

Joss Whedon could not whup Conan, but he may make a good Conan TV series.

Is he making one?

Probably not. After watching Serenity with the commentary turned on it seems Josh loves to turn normal teenage girls into superheros. That model doesn't work well with Conan..

Chickens can't be ninjas. They cluck too much.

No but they can learn Kung Fu.

Maybe Joss will turn Conan into a manicurist and he'll fight Thoth-Amon's attempt to turn mall goers into fashion zombies.

Conan, what is best in life?

To have immaculate nails to see them with a hi-buff shine and to hear the praises of the metro-sexuals.

Can you choke people through the internet yet?

Can you choke people through the internet yet?

Not ready for a emo Conan are we?

I think Nick Logue could take him easily!

I could see it now... Conan rocking back n forth in a corner, scared out of his mind!

My 2nd Ed. AD&D 42nd level drow paladin/wizard/assassin could whup Conan easily. Know why? Let me tell you about my character...

My 2nd Ed. AD&D 42nd level drow paladin/wizard/assassin could whup Conan easily. Know why? Let me tell you about my character...

** spoiler ** At this point there should be a six page long diatribe detailing his backstory, all adventures since level one, and a disturbing, overly detailed analysis of his sexual prowess and various conquests.

So, what happened to it?

Conan snuck up and dropped a statue of Ishtar on him from his craggy perch.

Shadowborn wrote:

My 2nd Ed. AD&D 42nd level drow paladin/wizard/assassin could whup Conan easily. Know why? Let me tell you about my character...

** spoiler ** At this point there should be a six page long diatribe detailing his backstory, all adventures since level one, and a disturbing, overly detailed analysis of his sexual prowess and various conquests.

So, what happened to it?

Well, since I've never actually had a character like that, and I'm not the type to assail fellow gamers with long, rambling stories about characters they couldn't care less about, I just added that as the punchline to the joke. It doesn't translate well in text, because I can't do my spittle-projecting, slightly lisped, nerd voice online.

"Thewe he wath.....th...tanding in fwont of Cowmam da Babawwiam...ensconsed on hivv fwone wiff aww hiz deeeeyanthin goils...."

Yih.....I can dig it. ;)

Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. Having to write all that out phonetically would drive me batty. I'd rather have to oil Conan's muscles. Ew.

"Thewe he wath.....th...tanding in fwont of Cowmam da Babawwiam...ensconsed on hivv fwone wiff aww hiz deeeeyanthin goils...."

Yih.....I can dig it. ;)

That sounds more like Cohen the Barbarian ...

I have to admit I have read all the Conan books. I can say at some level they changed me and my life.

One thing that I noticed after reading several in a row is that whenever there is something wrong in the world, obscene, or unholy Conan seems to accidently stumble upon it, just in time, and kill it! Thank you Conan.

As an example, does anybody remember what story it was when Conan scrambling over a mountain pass, and he happened upon those two dudes engaged in psionic combat. That freaked me out; it was like the universe moved Conan to that position just so he would be able to put an end to an obscene aberration.

What you fail to realize is that your favorite modern hero is really just a Conan derivative to begin with. Or should I say the author is a Conan wanna-be.

REH really did create the concept of the Eternal Champion by inventing Conan. My opinion is Elric is one of his shadows.

I heard a story once, in fact I think I heard it from my Mom (who has a huge sci-fi book collection), that when REH wrote he said he heard the story of Conan being told to him and he was only transcribing it. Very Lovecraftian. Those dudes obviously communicated.

I like Conan because he is a bad-*ss and at the same time thinks strategically, like a chess player.

Heathansson wrote:

S.Baldrick wrote:

Heathansson wrote:

Capt. James T. Kirk.

James T. Kirk would need a phaser. Without the phaser, Conan would kick the crap out of Kirk.

Naah...Conan would be mad cos Kirk stole his girl. Then he'd charge Kirk, and Kirk would do that thing where he falls on his back and flips him over with his feet. Then Kirk would chop him in the neck, and that would be it.

Kirk (who isn't a whimp) would shatter his hand when he tried that chop crap on what R.E.H called 'Conan's bull neck'. Then Conan would snap Kirk's neck like a twig.

Kirk is a bad ass but Conan has tangled with demons and gods and has lived to tell the tail.

However, I will give Kirk the edge on one thing: He didn't need his girl friend to come back from the dead to save his ass. Maybe you're right after all...

I think we're forgetting Kirk's daily power--where as soon as his shirt gets ripped in the fight--and his baby-smooth pecs are exposed-- Conan's stamina would fail, and he'd die muttering something about Crom and witchcraft ... then Kirk would beam up, change his shirt for the fancy one with the gold collar and make a snarky joke the Bones on the bridge. Of course, Scotty would laugh too--Spock, flumoxed.

Kirk is dead. Conan just faded into the west....

Death can't whoop Conan.

Neither could the Avengers.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer has a rocket launcher. She's also remotely realistic.
Not even Conan can survive a rocket launcher.

Only if Willow is in the backblast area.

The Marques de Sade would whup Conan and Conan would like it.

The Marques de Sade would whup Conan and Conan would like it.

WOW

So, apparently a coalition of Conan’s enemies has joined together seeking strength in numbers (and, in an unconscious desire for solace from their humiliation at Conan’s hands).

An idea was proposed by – guess who – to begin refining uranium in an attempt to develop a nuclear bomb. For some reason, they think this is a necessary action, one that will garner them respect.

A little bird, or something, told Conan. He laughed so hard he farted.

... carry on.

The > Hyperborean man-thong< may come close.

What's the point of wearing that?

Something has to keep his unbridled awesomeness...um...well...bridled.

I know it's probably been said (I'm to freakin' lazy to read this whole thread) but two words would be enough to make the mighty Conan pee himself.

Chuck Norris.

Or these three words

Summon the Simbul.

Or these words

Conan honey my mothers comming to stay with us this summer (from his wife)

I know it's probably been said (I'm to freakin' lazy to read this whole thread) but two words would be enough to make the mighty Conan pee himself.

Chuck Norris.

Or these three words

Summon the Simbul.

Or these words

Conan honey my mothers comming to stay with us this summer (from his wife)

1)I can't talk about Chuck Norris. I live in Dallas. Who knows when I might bump into him?

2)This is Conan, not Driz'zt we're talking about.

3)Why do you think Conan's always off on adventures halfway around the globe?