My cats killed a drifter and framed me for the crime. People say doting feline owners are under the heels of their own pets but I gave my cats such a talking to for that! I threatened no catnip for a month if it ever happened again.

I just decided to start posting here today and I have been employed here since April. :)

Yes, welcome, Keely. I wouldn't try the tap water here. They're still doing tests.

Our cats killed a bird this morning. They're quite good hunters.
And welcome aboard Keely!

I just decided to start posting here today and I have been employed here since April. :)

Welcome Keely! :D

My cat finally got himself a gopher, I was so proud. I know that sounds horrid, but there's a city under my front lawn and they're eating my garden.
Welcome to the boards Keely! There are some fantastic people here, I hope you come on in, make yourself cozy and stay awhile.

When I was a kid I lived out in the country and had this awesome farmcat. She was the hunting-est hunter I've ever seen. The two most surprising kill and return "gifts" was a adult male rabbit and a three-foot long water moccasin. She also attacked this doberman that used to break loose the neighbors yard and tree me regularly. She was the most amazing cat I'd ever known.

Keely, your art has a flair and signature style that speaks to me. As I tell all the great artists here, please offer a link to your gallery in your profile. Promote, kid!

I just decided to start posting here today and I have been employed here since April. :)

My oldest cat threw up in the track of the sliding glass door this morning - for the third time this week. Apparently there's something about looking at our backyard that makes her ill. And the family kitten climbed over the child safety fence and fell into the pool last night. There are few things as pathetic looking as a kitten that is wet to the bones.

The other day I had to put eight dead animals in a carrier bag and bin/get rid of them. A robin red breast, a blue tit, two sparrows, and four mice (although one may have been a vole or shrew because it had a long nose). Sometimes its hard being a multiple cat owner, our lawn is like a warzone sometimes.

FH

The horror! THE HORROR!!!

The horror! THE HORROR!!!

My vomit's vomit just vomited.

That makes me strangly happy.

I'm Ralph the Yak Man!!!

you ain't seen nothing yet
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bax4mg-aK6s
2min. 12 sec of PAIN!

I like random...

Barton followed and watched from a fair distance as the beetle crawled through the well-trimmed grass. It was the biggest bug he’d ever seen. It could probably eat one of the kittens Minnow had last month. This bug was huge, its iridescent carapace glistening rainbow hues in the morning sun as it scuttled along. No one seemed to notice except him. It was nearing the stained picket fence of the recess yard as the young boy glanced toward the Sister, as if to check if he was straying too far. A wink too short and he would have missed it as the enormous beetle struggled between two slats, stopping only to readjust its delicate wings under the hardened forewings. The Sister beckoned him back just as her call was overwhelmed by a cacophony of splintering wood and the tumble of human flesh just across the street.

Two men, only moments ago loitering against the slat-board hostel, were knocked to the ground under an avalanche of stained lumber. A beetle the size of an ox, shining like an emerald in the sunlight, only interrupted by dissipating puffs of dust, steadily lumbered out onto the street through its newly crafted tunnel toward the schoolyard.

“Barton!” the Sister shouted as she sprang from her seat, embroidery ring clacking against the lacquered timber decking. Behind dark curls, the boy’s eyes widened and he darted across the yard without even thinking, to catch the excitement. Upon seeing the monstrous insect intent on marching through the schoolyard, Barton froze, his eyes feeling like they took up his entire face, mouth going slack and perspiration beading on his soft skin. The shouts of the Sister sounded like they were shouted through the sewer pipes with cotton stuffed in his ears. His vision narrowed as everything in the periphery faded to a blur, except, in perfect clarity, this monster. This massive, shimmering vermin that is headed...right…for…

The child’s body went limp as Nydelle slipped her arms around his thin frame. Not expecting the resistance, the Sister’s slippers slid in the grass and she fell, legs sprawled in front of her, rear firmly on the dew-dropped lawn and her arms around this mesmerized child’s waist. The creature rose up as a spiny leg folded the wooden fence, creaking in the ground, down toward the child. She watched in slow motion shock as the angled tips of the fence fall within an inch of the dumbstruck child. Shaking the fear from her mind, she pulled the boy to the ground and began to crawl away from the now-destroyed fence, while the shining, spiny beast marched across the schoolyard paying them no mind whatsoever.

Curled around him, stroking his head, Barton came around before Nydelle had regained her breath. She inhaled deeply as he blinked and asked, “What was that thing, Sister?”

I'm not the kind of person who can read something without an ending, especially when it's good. The rest? C'mon man, just another little bit? Puhleeze?

I'm not the kind of person who can read something without an ending, especially when it's good. The rest? C'mon man, just another little bit? Puhleeze?

You must get really frustrated reading short story collections Lena.

I'm not the kind of person who can read something without an ending, especially when it's good. The rest? C'mon man, just another little bit? Puhleeze?

Alright, dear Lena...

Mardo lifted the chipped, clay mug to his lips, eyes never leaving his opponent’s face, as he spun his last tile between his thumb and middle finger against the oaken table. The once-lacquered table held nearly thirty tiles of yellowing ivory, each marked with a number of pips. The man on the other side of the table contorted his face in thought, eyes dancing between each of his three remaining tiles stacked in front of him on the table.

As if the gentle tap of the mug against the table was the final clue to the man’s dilemma, the opponent’s face washed clear and he picked the tile in the middle of his edge-stacked row and placed it on one end of the sprawling arms of tiles. Knowing there was no way possible to block his play, Mardo tossed his remaining tile toward one of the arms, edges lining up perfectly. “Show your hand,” Mardo announced.

Sliding his mug to the edge of the table Mardo boasted, “Man, you played that hand like you were the one up all night on duty. That was my last pint and my last game. Goodnight gentlemen, I am going home to bed.”

Rising from the old, yet sturdy chair, he grabbed his sword belt and the deep blue coat that marked his station as an officer cadet. The morning-weary customers nearby groggily mumbled their well-wishes as Mardo spun towards the door and headed out into the morning sun.

Not three steps off the decked walkway onto the packed dirt road, last night’s rain already dried by the early sun, a crash and a number of screams sounded out a few blocks down toward Milharbor. “A man’s work is never over,” he thought aloud. His shoulders dropped as he rationalized, “There’s got to be someone else there to get this one.” His brows knitted like he was playing a tough hand and he almost turned away as his eyes locked on an old woman behind a cart hawking fruit. “Damn it!”

Mardo spun toward the disturbance, away from his welcoming bed, a low clamor issuing from the area. He trotted a few paces as he buckled his sword belt around his narrow waist and drew his coat over his strong shoulders, and then he broke into a light run. Never over, indeed. He glanced back a few paces down to nod to the old woman, but she was not looking.

AWR — (Alpha Whiskey Romeo) Allah's Waiting Room. When engaged, insurgents have a tendency to flee to the same building (the AWR), at which point the troops radio in an air strike.
ATFU — Ate the f@&# Up. When someone/thing is not up to the Army standard.
BCD — Birth Control Device. Refers to the standard issue eyeglasses, generally not known for being exceptionally stylish.
BCGs — Birth Control Glasses; see BCD
BOB — the sun. Stands for Big Orange Ball.
BOG — Boots On the Ground. Number of soldiers available.
BOHICA — Bend over, here it comes again
BTDT — Been There, Done That
BTDTBTTS — Been There, Done That, Bought The T-Shirt
CDAT — Computerized Dumb-Ass Tanker (in the era of modern weaponry)
CF — (Charlie Foxtrot) Cluster f@&#
DH — Darling Husband (used almost exclusively by dependent spouse types)
DAT — Dumb-Ass Tanker (in the pre-computer era)
DILLIGAFF — Do I Look Like I Give A Flying f@&#?
FIIGMO — f@&# It, I've Got My Orders (aka "Short-timer's Disease")
FISHDO — f@&# It, s%*! Happens, Drive On (military equivalent of "par for the course.")
FNG — f@&#ing New Guy. Soldier coming to a unit straight from AIT. Sometimes pronounced "fin-gee".
FOAD — f@&# Off And Die
FODA — f@&# Off and Die a~&&@%!. Note: Foda is also Portuguese for f@&#. When said by itself, it can have the same connotation as "f@&# off and die, a~&&@%!." This would make it a recursive slang in two languages.
FTA — f@&# The Army ....or Fun Travel Adventure or Follow The Airborne
FUBAR — f@&#ed Up Beyond All Recognition (Also: f@&#ed Up Beyond Any Recovery, f@&#ed Up Beyond Any Repair)
FUBB — f@&#ed Up Beyond Belief (A Worst-Case Scenario)
FUBIS — f@&# You, Buddy, I'm Shipping. Used toward the end of a tour of duty to indicate an attitude of general apathy and contempt. (see also FIIGMO)
FUGAZI — f@&#ed-up, Got Ambushed, Zipped-In
GI — Government Issue; originally used for government supplied equipment, often used by soldiers to refer to themselves.
InI — Intoxication and Intercourse (also I&I). Used to specify activity during leave/time-off; see RnR.
JAFO — Just Another f@&#ing Observer. Aviation slang for the co-pilot or observer on an aircraft.
JANFU — Joint Army-Navy f@&#-up.
KMAG YO-YO — Kiss My Ass, Guys, You're On Your Own
KP — Kitchen Patrol. Periodic one-day duty assignment for lower-grade soldiers to do mess hall work, ranging from helping to prepare food to cleaning out the grease traps.
LCPL Abbreviation for the rank of Lance Corporal, also Last Cleaning Position Left
LPCs — Leather Personnel Carriers, or combat boots. Generally used when describing a mode of travel (i.e., "We'll be taking our LPCs over to the range.")
MARINE — Muscles Are Required, Intelligence Not Essential
MARINE — Math and Reading Is Not Essential
MARINE — My Ass Rides In Navy Equipment
MPH - Said phonetically as My Papa Hotel, meaning My Pussy Hurts.
NAVY — Never Again Volunteer Yourself
NCO — No Civilian Opportunities. This is a jab at non-commissioned officers who are said to stay in the Army because they couldn't get another job, not because they want to be soldiers or are good at their job.
NDG — No Damn Good
NFG — No f@&#ing Good aka, busted, non functional, broken. also "New f@&#ing Guy"
NPGs — No Pussy Getters; see BCD
PFC - Pointless f@&#ing Chevron also abbreviation for the rank of Private First Class
POG — 1) People Other than Grunts (US Army Infantry) or 2) Permanently On the Ground (US Air Force, US Naval Aviation and US Army Aviation).
PCP — "Pork Chop Platoon" Physical Conditioning Platoon
REMF — Rear-Echelon Mother f@&#er. A term of derision used by front-line soldiers to describe those in cushy jobs in the rear.
RHIP — Rank Hath Its Privileges
RLO — Regular Line Officer
ROAD — Retired On Active Duty (i.e., "ROAD warrior")
RnR — Rest and Relaxation (also R&R). Used to specify activity during leave/time-off; as in, "I need a little RnR."
SNAFU — Situation Normal: All f@&#ed Up
SOS — Same Old s%*!; s%*! On a Shingle. Creamed chipped beef on toast/biscuit, a breakfast staple.
SRDH — s%*! Rolls Down Hill. Used to denote unwanted or unpleasing duties assigned to lower ranks.
SSDD — Same s%*!, Different Day
SSND — Same s%*!, New Day
SST — Slang for the vehicle used to remove human waste from the portable toilets meaning "s%*!-Sucking Truck."
SWAG — Scientific Wild-Ass Guess. A close approximation.
TAMFR — This Ain't My First Rodeo. Often used by newly promoted captains.
TARFU — Things Are Really f@&#ed Up. A situation worse than SNAFU, but not quite FUBAR.
t#@* — Tanker Without A Tank. Used for tankers who are performing infantry duties. Mainly used by Infantry in Iraq.
US ARMY — Uncle Sam Ain't Released Me Yet
US ARMY — Uncle Sam Ass Raped Me Yesterday
USMC — Uncle Sam's Misguided Children
USMC — U Suckers Missed Christmas
USMC — U Signed the Mother-f@&#in' Contract
USMC — University of Science and Mystical Culture
USMC — U Suck My c!&#
WOJG — Warrant Officer, Junior Grade. Informal reference to lowest grade of Warrant Officer (WO1). Also called "spot" or "crouton" because of the insignia of grade (a single black square on a silver bar.)
WOPA — Warrant Officer Protection Agency. An informal tongue-in-cheek reference to the fraternal tendencies of the Warrant Officer Corps.
YMRASU — Yes, My Retarded Ass Signed Up (US Army backwards)

OK, so:

I, as many of you know, am working as a counselor at a Boy Scout camp. Things can get boring during training week, causing many Stupid Things to take place.

My friend Chris and I were especially bored one day, and he gets the awesome idea of "let's spar! awesome!" Me, being the arrogant dumb-f&~# that I am, agreed to his challenge. Unfortunately, I didn't take into account my f&~#ed-up reflexes.

Chris swings low, aiming for the chest.

I duck.

His fist hits me square in the nose.

It's a good thing that I have an iron face: my nose wasn't broken, but it bled like a faucet for several minutes, and the camp LPN told me I had some bruised cartilage from 'tripping and hitting my face off of a rock'.

Well, that's my dumb story for the day. Peace out, homes.

I don't mind short stories, as long as there is an ending, I just gotta know the whole story.
Daigle, you're going to have to get a blog and keep that story coming, you've sucked me in, now I'm not going to let up.

I don't mind short stories, as long as there is an ending, I just gotta know the whole story.

Well, that's my dumb story for the day. Peace out, homes.

Daigle, would you consider creating a thread for your writing? I think it deserves its own place.

Daigle, would you consider creating a thread for your writing? I think it deserves its own place.

Not a big fan of Lovecraft's stories then?

No, my dad tried to get me to read them, he gave up when I would wander around the house in a daze trying to make up suitable endings in my head.

I was truly addicted to the X-Files. All good things must come to an end I guess, first X-Files, then Firefly, Rome is gone too *sigh*

I didn't like how it ended, it wasn't at all satisfying. However I did here a rumor that there is another movie coming out so that might resolve a few things.

I didn't like how it ended, it wasn't at all satisfying. However I did here a rumor that there is another movie coming out so that might resolve a few things.

I can't remember where I read that so I'm not sure how reliable that is. If I remember the article correctly it'll have all of the original cast in it. I hope that its not just an unfounded rumor.

I know Chris Carter always intended to make more than one X Files movie, but I haven't heard anything recently about another one.

I think that it might have been a Parade article about David Duchoveny but I can't really remember. Don't get your hopes up, I may be unknowingly misleading you all.
EDIT: I just googled 'x-files movie' and found this.

Yeah, I'm excited now, did I say yeah? Yeah!

Cool. Heh, "any remaining fans" ....

I replaced a downspout on my house this weekend. Huzzah!

Rome is gone too *sigh*

I got a new screen door on my house - Huzzah Again!

yep; I agree with you guys on ending; so many good stories wrap up so badly; sigh. Still working on a pic for you, my sortawife isnt lending me the camera lol

Bumper sticker I saw today:

"Knowledge is Power. Power Corrupts. Study Hard. Be Evil."

Bumper sticker I saw today:

"Knowledge is Power. Power Corrupts. Study Hard. Be Evil."

Daigle wrote:

Bumper sticker I saw today:

"Knowledge is Power. Power Corrupts. Study Hard. Be Evil."

Thanks alot Daigle, now my son has decided this to be his true calling. He wants me to make a shirt for him. Wait, don't the mom's benifit from their evil genius sons?

Daigle wrote:

Bumper sticker I saw today:

"Knowledge is Power. Power Corrupts. Study Hard. Be Evil."

Thanks alot Daigle, now my son has decided this to be his true calling. He wants me to make a shirt for him. Wait, don't the mom's benifit from their evil genius sons?

Daigle wrote:

Bumper sticker I saw today:

"Knowledge is Power. Power Corrupts. Study Hard. Be Evil."

Thanks alot Daigle, now my son has decided this to be his true calling. He wants me to make a shirt for him. Wait, don't the mom's benifit from their evil genius sons?

I just got back from a Miami vacation wherein I watched the show Spaced, and swam around with an annoyed looking nurse shark. There were also parrot fish, but they were boring and pecked at underwater weeds instead of doing tricks or singing like land-based parrots are like to do.

I'm going to end up like Marsha in Spaced I'm completely certain.