Recent Posts
Patrick Curtin
(Pathfinder Adventure Path Charter Subscriber; Roleplaying Game, Campaign Setting, Companion, Battles Case Subscriber)
In the name of the Burger, the Fries and the supersized Coke, AMEN!Did I hear the word Burger?
where? where is a burger?
My son, if you truly wish to eat righteously you must seek within your soul and your wallet. For the Burger's love surrounds us with greasy soy product goodness.
For lo, it is written in the Church and Munch™ franchise bible:
Let he who hungers take nourishment at the drive thru of the Burger. Amen.
In the name of the Burger, the Fries and the supersized Coke, AMEN!Did I hear the word Burger?
where? where is a burger?
My son, if you truly wish to eat righteously you must seek within your soul and your wallet. For the Burger's love surrounds us with greasy soy product goodness.
For lo, it is written in the Church and Munch™ franchise bible:
Let he who hungers take nourishment at the drive thru of the Burger. Amen.
*bows at the altar of Burger Righteousness*
So there I was, wandering the aisle in the grocery store. Potato chips and salty snacks to my right and hyper-caffeinated soda and syrupy kiddie fruit punch drinks to my left.
I'm listening to my iPod, as I normally do when I don't want to be bothered by kids screaming for their corporated yearnings of brightly colored sugar loops and the old lady squeaking along at a snails pace, trying to decide if potato flakes would taste better or worse than instant rice with their Hamburger Helper meals.
Phil Collins is doing his awesome drum solo in the middle of "In the Air Tonight", and I feel compelled, as I know you all do, to do a little air drumming as it plays.* My arms flail about in a horrendous approximation of the 80's balding GOD and I see her staring at me.
I blush terribly in my childhood-reliving awkwardness and mutter a lame excuse to being afflicted with Tourrets syndrome, realizing even as I say it, that it is verbal and not physical. She keeps staring. I begin to feel uncomfortable. She looks at me with those cold, blue eyes. So I stare back.
There we are, two adults standing 20 feet apart in a busy grocery store, having a staring contest. I feel my eyes begin to dry out, but I set my jaw and do not blink. Her piercing eyes sear like fire into the back of my brain, but I do not give in. Sweat trickles down my back and my sight gets blurry as tears begin to collect in my eyes, desperate to keep then hydrated. BUT I WILL NOT BE BROKEN.
...
That's when I notice her mouth's moving, but I can't hear her because the iPod has progressed to Nine Inch Nails ("Happiness is Slavery"), and I pull the earbuds out.
"..ld you like a sample young man?"
I smile at her and take the swedish meatball on a toothpick, thank her and head out to my car, loaded down with a week's supply of diet soda and fish sticks.
THE END
*Note to self, must find out how many traffic accidents are caused by drivers suddenly air drumming when the song comes on the radio.
In the name of the Burger, the Fries and the supersized Coke, AMEN!Did I hear the word Burger?
where? where is a burger?
My son, if you truly wish to eat righteously you must seek within your soul and your wallet. For the Burger's love surrounds us with greasy soy product goodness.
For lo, it is written in the Church and Munch™ franchise bible:
Let he who hungers take nourishment at the drive thru of the Burger. Amen.
No SOY!! only pure grade A usda beef in my burgers..... False prophet!!
No SOY!! only pure grade A usda beef in my burgers..... False prophet!!In the name of the Burger, the Fries and the supersized Coke, AMEN!Did I hear the word Burger?
where? where is a burger?
My son, if you truly wish to eat righteously you must seek within your soul and your wallet. For the Burger's love surrounds us with greasy soy product goodness.
For lo, it is written in the Church and Munch™ franchise bible:
Let he who hungers take nourishment at the drive thru of the Burger. Amen.
Piece of advice. If he offers you carmel carbonated holy water, don't put rum in it. For some reason that makes him cranky.
Rum has no place polluting holy carbonated high-fructose ambrosia, Jezebel.
Piece of advice. If he offers you carmel carbonated holy water, don't put rum in it. For some reason that makes him cranky.
I'm not a Jezebel. I'm a Jill. And alcohol goes with almost everything. And tastes delicious with carmel carbonated holy water I might add. :P
I'm not a Jezebel. I'm a Jill. And alcohol goes with almost everything. And tastes delicious with carmel carbonated holy water I might add. :PRum has no place polluting holy carbonated high-fructose ambrosia, Jezebel.
Piece of advice. If he offers you carmel carbonated holy water, don't put rum in it. For some reason that makes him cranky.
Then you should try "firefly" 35% alchohol, sweet tea flavor!
I've heard it's a Jill's best friend! :D
