They had this new radio station on today, and they had a thing "make me laugh" so you call in and tell a joke and the guy tries not to laugh. He's experienced like that.
It's hard!
I'm speed dialing, over and over, and I get the guy finally, so the adrenalin kicks in, and I'm all stuttery and excited,
and he goes "make me laugh.....GO!"

So I says,
"Little mushroom walks into a bar says, 'barkeep, get the house a round on me.' Barkeep says, 'what's the occasion?' mushroom says, 'no occasion; I'm just a fun guy!'"

So then I hear "bnaaaaaaaap!" like the X's from Family Feud, and I'm all disheartened.
"Domn You HEATH!!!!" I hear my superego. "You sounded like that feeble 15 year old you trying to ask Miriam Stinkowitz to go steddy witcha before she gunned your sopwith down with the 50 cal! YOU SUCKETH! YOU. AREN'T. FUNNAH!!!"
Gosh I hate my superego.

So then the jokes come on the raddio, and some asshat tells a sexist joke I won't repeat because I think it sucks, and it actually is like offensive to women, but he stuttered the beginning and the raddio DEEJAY told him, "start over. If you're telling that puke tell it right."
Then I hear my mushroom, on the radio, and the guy's like "that one actually wasn't half bad."
AND I don't think I sounded THAT noyviss!
Not half bad.
"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH!!!! IN YOUR FYAYSH SUPEREGO!!!"

That's all I got to report.

Ha! Cool, nice work Heath.

It was sweet, dude. He started like Simonizing the other guys too.
Me, "not half bad..." I'll roll with that. I gambled and kept my dignity, not half bad.

Are you going to get the audio clip and post it so we can have a listen?

cool, but you're best jokes are all on the fly anyway, or it looks like that on the boards.

Are you going to get the audio clip and post it so we can have a listen?

Naah, I was driving on the road listening to the radio.

cool, but you're best jokes are all on the fly anyway, or it looks like that on the boards.

It was an old joke I'd heard before; it's harder to tell them then to type them.

cool, but you're best jokes are all on the fly anyway, or it looks like that on the boards.

yeah; I think you're right. When I got somebody to say something and set me up, sometimes I can come up with something.

...fun guy....

Oh, now I get it. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.....

Seriously though, that's pretty cool Heathy.

There's a fungus among us!

Rock On, warwoof.

Represent, Heathy.

frilz.

So what do you get if he laughs?

So what do you get if he laughs?

Probably some bulls*%t prize and a dark room. But that's just what a mushroom would like! Ba da bing!

You should have just pulled some lines off of the "Lovecraftian yo mama jokes" thread. That would have been the shizzle.

So what do you get if he laughs?

I......don't know. It wasn't important to meh.

Callous Jack wrote:

So what do you get if he laughs?

I......don't know. It wasn't important to meh.

I won a contest a few years ago and swore that I musta sounded like Mickey Mouse on air. Heard it played back later and breathed a huge sigh of relief. Just sounded out of breath and rushed. Didn't know I could ramble that quickly. Anxiety sucks.

So does this mean we should start our own joke contest?

Where does a fish put all it's money?

My 4 year old son loves this joke:

Why'd the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide.

My 4 year old son loves this joke:

Why'd the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide.

heh heh. That's #1 for the next contest...

Either that or the existentialist dyslexic insomniac who stayed up all night wondering if there was a dog.

Did you hear the one about the Zen Master who walked up to the hot dog vendor and said to him "Make me One with everything."?

The vendor handed over the hot dog and moved to the next person and the Zen Master asked "What about my change?"

The vendor replied "Ahhh... Change comes from within."

Where does a fish put all it's money?

The riverbank!

Heheheh...

To get to the other slide.

Consider this one swiped.

Huh... I don't get the joke... :blushes:

WOOHOO! Joke Thread!

One of my favorites from when I was a little tyke:

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

** spoiler omitted **

How did the monkey die?

Cosmo wrote:

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

** spoiler omitted **

How did the monkey die?

** spoiler omitted **

*head explodes*

Either that or the existentialist dyslexic insomniac who stayed up all night wondering if there was a dog.

Go with the slide joke, it has a better chance of catching him off guard and getting a laugh.

And it plays better over the radio.

Cosmo wrote:

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

** spoiler omitted **

How did the monkey die?

** spoiler omitted **

GAH! RECURSION!

If a dead monkey falls out of a tree and no one is there to hear it, does the price of Tea go up in China?

If a dead monkey falls out of a tree and no one is there to hear it, does the price of Tea go up in China?

Only on the side of the road selling the chicken that crossed it.

A visually impaired gentleman accompanied by his canine companion walks into the middle of a clothing store. He reaches down, grabs the canine by the tail and begins swinging him around in circles. Aghast, a salesperson hustles over and asks the gentleman, "Can I help you?" To which the gentleman replies, "Nah. Just lookin' around."

My son's current favorite jokes:

Q: What do you call a flying skunk?

Knock, Knock

Who's there?

Interrupting cow

Interrupting c...

MOOOOOOOOO!!!

Knock, Knock

Who's there?

Interrupting cow

Interrupting c...

MOOOOOOOOO!!!

That actually made me laugh.

That actually made me laugh.

Yeah, that never gets Moooooooo!

I tole the cow one at work.

A string walks into a bar, sits down and orders a drink.

"Get out of here," the bartender yells at him, "we don't serve string here."

The string walks out of the bar, twists himself around, ruffles his head and walks back in.

The bartender gives him a suspicious glare.

"Aren't you the string I just threw out of here?"

"No," replies the string, "I'm a frayed knot."

Had an old boss tell the Cow one a few years ago. It has since lost the giggle responce with me.

A baby seal walked into a club...

(Admittedly in bad taste, but it always gets a laugh before I get scolded/punched).

A priest, a Rabbi, a Leprechaun and a midget walk into a bar.

The bartender says: "What is this? A joke?"

Two men were out hunting when one of them grabbed his chest, gasped and fell over. The other man pulled out his cell phone and called 9-11.

"9-11 emergency, how may I help you?"

"My buddy just fell over. I think he's dead! What do I do?!" the man yelled into the phone.

"Calm down, sir. I can help you. First, make sure your friend is really dead."

"Okay."

BAM!

"Now what?"

Interrupting cow makes my 3 year old double over with laughter. It is a great favorite.

What do you call a psychic midget on the run from the law?
A small medium at large.

Where do you get dragon milk?

A panda walks into a restaurant and orders a burger.

He receives his food, cleans his plate, and leaves some cash for the bill.

Just before walking out the door, the panda pulls out a .45 and...

BANG!

...uses it to put a big hole in the floor at his feet.

"What did you do THAT for?!?" screams the waiter.

"I'm a panda. Look it up," he says as he turns and exits.

The befuddled waiter pulls out his dictionary and looks up "Panda"...

Where do you get dragon milk?

** spoiler omitted **

I am offended I tell you! Offended! I am getting my Lawyer! Sue! Sue!

WOOHOO! Joke Thread!

One of my favorites from when I was a little tyke:

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

** spoiler omitted **

Back before I had children, I always found this follow up to that joke to be hilarious:

Why did the baby fall out of the tree?

Having children makes this joke a lot less funny for me, which I find very disturbing...

Daigle wrote:

Where do you get dragon milk?

** spoiler omitted **

I am offended I tell you! Offended! I am getting my Lawyer! Sue! Sue!

What's that!??! A lawsuit?!?!?! Against Daigle!!!

I'll do it, pro bono. But we need to figure out a way to get the death penalty...

Sharoth wrote:

Daigle wrote:

Where do you get dragon milk?

** spoiler omitted **

I am offended I tell you! Offended! I am getting my Lawyer! Sue! Sue!

What's that!??! A lawsuit?!?!?! Against Daigle!!!

I'll do it, pro bono. But we need to figure out a way to get the death penalty...

Well, Adam bugs me anyway! But that is just his stare.

As for the death penalty, I am guessing a giant fly swatter? Or get a female Praying Mantis to mate with him?