Yes, you will be meeting with the executives in New New York.

Gah! Where was the creative department that day?

Do you think we could get maintenance to take all these pink stickers off my stapler? I don't know how they got there.

FYI, we need 10 more players for the softball team. We're playing OfficeTech Incorporated Insurance Financial next week and could use some good players. I think Diversion Division requires 10 weeks of work related recreation each year, so it may be mandatory for some of you.

remember that you are not to enjoy it however. Otherwise H.R. will have to charge you admission. The employee handbook clearly states that job satisfaction is the same as staling from the company.

David Fryer wrote:

Yes, you will be meeting with the executives in New New York.

Gah! Where was the creative department that day?

They were at a forum about filling out time sheets. Accounting had to work on that project instead.

Do you think we could get maintenance to take all these pink stickers off my stapler? I don't know how they got there.

I used to have a stapler with pink stickers. Why would you want to take them off? They make me happy, just like my poster of babies dressed up like jazz musicians.

Sorry, maintenance is busy reinstalling the old toilet handles after the auto-flush devices stopped working.

Maintenance does not have worker's compensation insurance for office supplies, so they can not handle staplers. You will have to talk with your office technician.

Celestial Healer wrote:

Do you think we could get maintenance to take all these pink stickers off my stapler? I don't know how they got there.

I used to have a stapler with pink stickers. Why would you want to take them off? They make me happy, just like my poster of babies dressed up like jazz musicians.

Oh. Maybe that was yours then.

When we removed the stickers, they left a sticky residue on the stapler, so I threw it out.

David Fryer wrote:

Yes, you will be meeting with the executives in New New York.

Gah! Where was the creative department that day?

They were on a meditative retreat in Bermuda that day. they just claimed they were learning to fill out time sheets.

Did anyone else heare that they are planning to cancel Employee Appreciation Day in order to have a conference on Employee Morale?

Did anyone else heare that they are planning to cancel Employee Appreciation Day in order to have a conference on Employee Morale?

That is just an unfounded rumor.

Oh. Maybe that was yours then.

When we removed the stickers, they left a sticky residue on the stapler, so I threw it out.

NOOOOOOO!!!!!!

I also heard a rumor that they are planning a meeting to discuss the rampant problem with office gossip.

Did anyone else heare that they are planning to cancel Employee Appreciation Day in order to have a conference on Employee Morale?

Well, I hope the lobster and steak they're providing at that conference will be enough to make people feel better about the fact that they're not getting raises this year.

In order to facilitate the use of vacation time by employees, all time spent in the bathroom will be charged against your vacation bank.

NOOOOOOO!!!!!!

Please lower your voice. Remember the Respect Your Coworkers seminar we all attended last year.

Sebastian wrote:

Celestial Healer wrote:

Do you think we could get maintenance to take all these pink stickers off my stapler? I don't know how they got there.

I used to have a stapler with pink stickers. Why would you want to take them off? They make me happy, just like my poster of babies dressed up like jazz musicians.

Oh. Maybe that was yours then.

When we removed the stickers, they left a sticky residue on the stapler, so I threw it out.

Waste management requires that you fill out a 8 page form in triplicate whenever you throw out office supplies. That includes sticky notes.

Also, if anyone sees my stapler, please let me know. It's pink and has some heart stickers on the side. I checked with Frank, Francis, and Frannie and none of them remember lending their staplers out (and none of them are pink).

Sorry, I haven't seen it.

{wipes her fingerprints off newly purloined stapler, adds it to growing collection in bottom drawer of boss' file cabinent; also shelves new copy of Dr. Phil's "Don't Be a Hoarder" book next to boss' Ayn Rand collection.}

Hey! When did posting get changed so you could scroll up in the thread while typing? Neat.

Didn't you get the email about the memo about it?

Memo wrote:

In order to facilitate the use of vacation time by employees, all time spent in the bathroom will be charged against your vacation bank.

I thought we were allowed to use sick time.

Aberzombie wrote:

Did anyone else heare that they are planning to cancel Employee Appreciation Day in order to have a conference on Employee Morale?

Well, I hope the lobster and steak they're providing at that conference will be enough to make people feel better about the fact that they're not getting raises this year.

Sorry, that was a mistake. The menu for the Executive lunch room got switched with the morale seminar. Here is the real menu.

The meeting to discuss rules for plants in employee cubicles is cancelled. The guy in charge got poison ivy this weekend.

Sebastian's True Identity wrote:

Memo wrote:

In order to facilitate the use of vacation time by employees, all time spent in the bathroom will be charged against your vacation bank.

I thought we were allowed to use sick time.

If anyone needs me, I will be taking a porcelain cruise.

Celestial Healer wrote:

Aberzombie wrote:

Did anyone else heare that they are planning to cancel Employee Appreciation Day in order to have a conference on Employee Morale?

Well, I hope the lobster and steak they're providing at that conference will be enough to make people feel better about the fact that they're not getting raises this year.

Sorry, that was a mistake. The menu for the Executive lunch room got switched with the morale seminar. Here is the real menu.

Squirral and grits?

If anyone needs me, I will be taking a porcelain cruise.

Will you have your blackberry with you?

They make me happy, just like my poster of babies dressed up like jazz musicians.

{Types up notes from boss' meeting about not hanging pictures and posters on the cubicle walls; emails it companywide.}

CourtFool wrote:

Sebastian's True Identity wrote:

Memo wrote:

In order to facilitate the use of vacation time by employees, all time spent in the bathroom will be charged against your vacation bank.

I thought we were allowed to use sick time.

If anyone needs me, I will be taking a porcelain cruise.

Make sure you dial into this afternoon's conference call while you're on the toilet.

Moorlucky wrote:

If anyone needs me, I will be taking a porcelain cruise.

Will you have your blackberry with you?

And my IPhone.

Celestial Healer wrote:

Aberzombie wrote:

Did anyone else heare that they are planning to cancel Employee Appreciation Day in order to have a conference on Employee Morale?

Well, I hope the lobster and steak they're providing at that conference will be enough to make people feel better about the fact that they're not getting raises this year.

Sorry, that was a mistake. The menu for the Executive lunch room got switched with the morale seminar. Here is the real menu.

Did you run that menu by the health and services department?

Moorlucky wrote:

CourtFool wrote:

Sebastian's True Identity wrote:

Memo wrote:

In order to facilitate the use of vacation time by employees, all time spent in the bathroom will be charged against your vacation bank.

I thought we were allowed to use sick time.

If anyone needs me, I will be taking a porcelain cruise.

Make sure you dial into this afternoon's conference call while you're on the toilet.

I may just stream it.

David Fryer wrote:

Celestial Healer wrote:

Aberzombie wrote:

Did anyone else heare that they are planning to cancel Employee Appreciation Day in order to have a conference on Employee Morale?

Well, I hope the lobster and steak they're providing at that conference will be enough to make people feel better about the fact that they're not getting raises this year.

Sorry, that was a mistake. The menu for the Executive lunch room got switched with the morale seminar. Here is the real menu.

Did you run that menu by the health and services department?

The budget departmnt said there was no money for that.

...and of course Frank needs to get his head out of his ass.

Make sure you dial into this afternoon's conference call while you're on the toilet.

Remember, we're not using the word "conference" anymore because of the negative impression.

...and of course Frank needs to get his head out of his ass.

.....!!!!

...and of course Frank needs to get his head out of his ass.

Crap, that wasn't supposed to go companywide. Sorry Frank. :(

Celestial Healer wrote:

Make sure you dial into this afternoon's conference call while you're on the toilet.

Remember, we're not using the word "conference" anymore because of the negative impression.

Okay, proference call then.

Does anyone have a copy of the memo on the correct usage of Committee, Department, Group, Force and Staff?

Jack, we need to be proactive in dealing with drug abuse. Find someone we can send to rehab. I don't care if they have a drug problem or not.

Aberzombie wrote:

Celestial Healer wrote:

Make sure you dial into this afternoon's conference call while you're on the toilet.

Remember, we're not using the word "conference" anymore because of the negative impression.

Okay, proference call then.

Nope, sorry! "Proference" sounds too much like "profit" which also polls negatively with the public and university professors.

Where is the e-mail on Upsizing our Profits?

Jack, we need to be proactive in dealing with drug abuse. Find someone we can send to rehab. I don't care if they have a drug problem or not.

Barbara, the secretary in HR, has a bottle of Tylenol at her desk. Maybe it's time for an intervention.

Sebastian wrote:

They make me happy, just like my poster of babies dressed up like jazz musicians.

{Types up notes from boss' meeting about not hanging pictures and posters on the cubicle walls; emails it companywide.}

{gets out-of-office autoresponder message from boss that was also CCed companywide... replies to it.}

David Fryer wrote:

Aberzombie wrote:

Celestial Healer wrote:

Make sure you dial into this afternoon's conference call while you're on the toilet.

Remember, we're not using the word "conference" anymore because of the negative impression.

Okay, proference call then.

Nope, sorry! "Proference" sounds too much like "profit" which also polls negatively with the public and university professors.

What about "reactive?" It makes us sound like we are doing something, it has the word active right in it.

By the way, the instruction books for the Technical Writing Training Seminar had to be sent back to the printers because of some typos.

Aberzombie wrote:

David Fryer wrote:

Aberzombie wrote:

Celestial Healer wrote:

Make sure you dial into this afternoon's conference call while you're on the toilet.

Remember, we're not using the word "conference" anymore because of the negative impression.

Okay, proference call then.

Nope, sorry! "Proference" sounds too much like "profit" which also polls negatively with the public and university professors.

What about "reactive?" It makes us sound like we are doing something, it has the word active right in it.

Yeah, but it also sound like "reactionary".

Sebastian's Law Ninja wrote:

Jack, we need to be proactive in dealing with drug abuse. Find someone we can send to rehab. I don't care if they have a drug problem or not.

Barbara, the secretary in HR, has a bottle of Tylenol at her desk. Maybe it's time for an intervention.

rubs hands together Excellent!

David Fryer wrote:

Aberzombie wrote:

David Fryer wrote:

Aberzombie wrote:

Celestial Healer wrote:

Make sure you dial into this afternoon's conference call while you're on the toilet.

Remember, we're not using the word "conference" anymore because of the negative impression.

Okay, proference call then.

Nope, sorry! "Proference" sounds too much like "profit" which also polls negatively with the public and university professors.

What about "reactive?" It makes us sound like we are doing something, it has the word active right in it.

Yeah, but it also sound like "reactionary".

Maybe we should run it past the acronym comittee.

Aberzombie wrote:

David Fryer wrote:

Aberzombie wrote:

Celestial Healer wrote:

Make sure you dial into this afternoon's conference call while you're on the toilet.

Remember, we're not using the word "conference" anymore because of the negative impression.

Okay, proference call then.

Nope, sorry! "Proference" sounds too much like "profit" which also polls negatively with the public and university professors.

What about "reactive?" It makes us sound like we are doing something, it has the word active right in it.

Don't forget your reactive call this afternoon.

By the way, the instruction books for the Technical Writing Training Seminar had to be sent back to the printers because of some typos.

That figures. The attached memo from the Proofreading department was barely comprehensible.

Do not forget to sprinkle your memo's with these key phrases. (Perhaps NSFW due to language)