Calgaich leans over to the tiny gun-nut sitting nearby...
"DO ye like jokes?" he starts, "but he doesn't really wait for an answer before continuing,

"Three bairks walk intae a barr - a Guvnerr, a Takerr, and a Clueless. Each asks forr a beer, an' th' barrtander pours off three pairfect pints, and slides 'em over.
Beforre anyone can 'ave even a sip, three flies buzz up and land in th' beers... plop, plop, plop..."
He pauses to chuckle at his own great humor, then continues,
"Noo, th' Guvner, he takes one look at th' fly in his beer, pulls a face, an'pushed it awa.
Th' Taker, he looks at that fly in his beer, reaches in wi' twa fingers, plucks th' little bloke oot, puts him doon on the barr and takes a great, thairsty pull from th' beer.
The Clueless..." Calgaich breaks into uncontrollable laughter...
"... the Clueless, looks at th' fly... reaches in wi' twa... fingers... plucks th' little bloke oot...... and starts slappin' the fly on th' back, screamin' 'Gi it back ye little bahstard... that's my beer!"

At this point, he's laughing so hard it looks like his head will explode.
When he finally gets his laughter under control, he picks up his beer, peers into it as if expecting a fly, and then drains the whole pint, calling for another before the glass has hit the bar.

"uuuuuUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!"

"ooOOOooo."

O.L.L.I clanks down the narrow corridor at the back of the inn's common room. After pausing a moment in curiosity at a door where various loud crashes, bangs, squeals and barnyard sounds are issuing, he continues to the last door on the right. Opening the door, he beholds an impressive gleaming humanoid-shaped mass of chrome and steel crouched at the center of a large-vaulted cavernous room. Respectfully he approaches.

"Greetings fellow construct. This unit is known as Oil Lube Initializer, or O.L.L.I by most flesh creatures. Do you have an appelation that you are known by?"

O.L.L.I waits in silence for several minutes

"Query. Are you in distress? Is there any assistance I can render to you?"

O.L.L.I approaches and puts out a tentative hand

"Query. Are you functioning correctly? Are you in need of oil or some sort of energy supply?"

As O.L.L.I circles the silent mecha, he accidentally bumps against several tubes and wires that attach the machine to a large cabinet with dancing lights flickering over its glassy skin. A wailing siren erupts from the cabinet and flashing red lights begin winking over both the cabinet and the mecha's control board. O.L.L.I stumbles back in surprise

"This unit apologizes for disturbing your rest. Please remain calm and I will leave you in peace."

O.L.L.I quickly leaves the room as the sirens rise in pitch and klaxons begin to add their hooting to the cacophanous chorus

“Oh! Lil’ Olli!” Ashura comes running out of a nearby room, coming to a halt in front of the modron. “What happened? I was running a diagnostic on my Raptor, seeing if that little … if that grunt-girl did any damage when she removed the gladius beam – sounds like something’s gone wrong!”

“Oh! Lil’ Olli!” Ashura comes running out of a nearby room, coming to a halt in front of the modron. “What happened? I was running a diagnostic on my Raptor, seeing if that little … if that grunt-girl did any damage when she removed the gladius beam – sounds like something’s gone wrong!”

"Small female known as Ashura, this unit attempted to open a rapport with the construct in the room, but ..."

O.L.L.I gestures back at the door to the mecha's room. Ear-splitting sirens and klaxons howl incessantly. A smell of ozone and melting plastic filters into the hallway from the half-open door.

"This unit is afraid that somehow he has angered the sleeping construct. Now the angered construct is preparing a sonic blast spell to reduce this unit into scrap."

O.L.L.I's eyes spin in their sockets and his arms twich spasmodically as he attempts to control his fear.

“Oh no! You must have tried to initialise while the diagnostic was still running! Quick, help me Olli!” She runs through the doorway, and over to one of the control panels.

“Alright … ok Olli, we got a leak in the coolant hose, I’ll start shutting it down – as soon as that yellow light there stops blinking, uncouple that hose ok?”

At this point, he's laughing so hard it looks like his head will explode.
When he finally gets his laughter under control, he picks up his beer, peers into it as if expecting a fly, and then drains the whole pint, calling for another before the glass has hit the bar.

Eir Haakonen wrote:

"uuuuuUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!"

"ooOOOooo."

I respect you too much to RP this further ;-)
Plus, I'm sure what's happening here is illegal in most states...

Thorn of Clovenwood wrote:

Eir Haakonen wrote:

"uuuuuUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!"

"ooOOOooo."

I respect you too much to RP this further ;-)
Plus, I'm sure what's happening here is illegal in most states...

Luckily, I'm not that attached to the character, so this was fun and not humiliating. Hey-is she promiscuous?-yes, what can I say? And besides, how often do you kick off a character like that. I mean come on, we wouldn't think twice about starting a campaign murdering a tribe of kobolds, would we?

"Good for you?" asked Thorn languidly. "That thing with the ... you know, was quite creative." He stretches. "Well! I could slaughter a tribe of kobolds after that - how about you?"

...and then I realized I'll never be able to look at my character the same.

"Yup, back to the old grind: slaying things, taking their money."

“Oh no! You must have tried to initialise while the diagnostic was still running! Quick, help me Olli!” She runs through the doorway, and over to one of the control panels.

“Alright … ok Olli, we got a leak in the coolant hose, I’ll start shutting it down – as soon as that yellow light there stops blinking, uncouple that hose ok?”

"Th-th-this unit has not been so c-c-cold since his Modron Division crossed the Plane of Ice." shivers O.L.L.I, rattling in place and covered in hoar frost.

Ashura Yami wrote:

“Oh no! You must have tried to initialise while the diagnostic was still running! Quick, help me Olli!” She runs through the doorway, and over to one of the control panels.

“Alright … ok Olli, we got a leak in the coolant hose, I’ll start shutting it down – as soon as that yellow light there stops blinking, uncouple that hose ok?”

O.L.L.I hurries after his new friend despite his misgivings about facing such a fearsome opponent. Grabbing the hose Ashura had indicated, O.L.L.I waits for yellow light to stop blinking. When it does he detaches the hose and is covered in a bitter cold fog.

"Th-th-this unit has not been so c-c-cold since his Modron Division crossed the Plane of Ice." shivers O.L.L.I, rattling in place and covered in hoar frost.

...and then I realized I'll never be able to look at my character the same.

"Yup, back to the old grind: slaying things, taking their money."

I don't have to pursue flesh, brother, it pursues me.

At this point, he's laughing so hard it looks like his head will explode.
When he finally gets his laughter under control, he picks up his beer, peers into it as if expecting a fly, and then drains the whole pint, calling for another before the glass has hit the bar.

I don't have to pursue flesh, brother, it pursues me.

"Easy. Yes, very easy. Also discriminating."

"How about the young lady over there with the strange weapons. Maybe you should try chasing her, or perhaps young men are more to your taste, there are a few of them, at other tables. If not, I'll let you know when I find a nest of kobold eggs so you can spray them."

"If you don't mind my changing the topic, how does a kobold get here?"

Serpico smiles and begins to tick off his claws of his left hand.

"one, he born wiss weak armss."

"two, he not wantss to be in fightss or stupid shamanss."

"three, he makes scout for kobolds who not likess him."

"four, he captures by drow."

He starts on his other hand.

"five, he made House pet by mage."

"six, he bright and lucky mage make him work in stinks and spells for food."

"seven, he drops bottle importants to magess. Says ooopss. Not happy mage gets upset and casts pooofs pooofs pooofs spellss."

Last claw.

"Eight, he walk in door here."

"Bloody drows, pain in arrrrsssssss," finishes the resigned little fella.

"Well, then, my little newt friend, you will probably look back on this day as the moment things got interesting... Cheers."

Eir adjusts her leathers a little, having thrown them back on a little carelessly.

A large insectoidal figure fills the door of the inn's common room. Temperatures drop as a bluish 12-foot tall mantis lumbers towards the bar

"Larva ichor and soda" rumbles the imposing creature in slurred Common, pushing a large gold coin towards Mitchifer. "Make the change in copper."

Eww.

Shactal glances over at Eir

"You wouldn't ha' seen a lil' walking box about, yeh?" Shactal slurs. "He wass s'posed to meet me here fer a drink."

Turko notices the large insectoid being at the bar eyeing the hot woman in red. Dusting his rocky exterior, he hefts his massive axe across one shoulder. Slapping another handful of gold onto the bar, he motions for another bottle of fine whiskey. He immediately gulps down half the bottle before sitting himself onto one of the stools before the bar. Directing his comment to the hot woman in red, "Hey, pretty lady, what you doing in a place like this?" Turko then wipes his lips with the back of his right hand.

"And you spiky one, care for some whiskey?" Turko offers the bottle of whiskey.

Shactal glances over at Eir

"You wouldn't ha' seen a lil' walking box about, yeh?" Shactal slurs. "He wass s'posed to meet me here fer a drink."

Hallway. Last door on the right.

"Thanks. Barkeep! Gi' the lady another o' whass she's drinkin' on me."

And you spiky one, care for some whiskey?" Turko offers the bottle of whiskey.

"Mi'ty neighbor ... <hic> ... neighborly of yas cutter."

Shactal snatches the proffered bottle, takes a long swallow and hands it back, the top slightly smoking with frost fog, to Turko.

"Ahh. Say wha ye like abou' tha Clueless, they do know their way around a still."

Shactal scans the room unsteadily, looking for the hallway Eir had mentioned.

Raises her drink.

"Cheers!"

"Eight, he walk in door here."

"Bloody drows, pain in arrrrsssssss," finishes the resigned little fella.

"Say Mr Kobold . . . it is mr right? Anyways I walked through a door to get here as well! Only I didn't mean to. And cuz I was in such a hurry I don't remember which door it was. So I guess we got something in common. Where are you from?"

Serpico gives a happy grin, "Chess Niceaarsss. S'orrible plasss."

"Plenty os doorsss ere, me Serpico Forktongue the Thirds. You wass?"

"Eir Haakonen."

*clink

"Eir Haakonen."

*clink

Shactal finally manages to focus towards the back of the common room. Spying the elusive hallway, he heaves himself up from his stool and begins a swaying walk towards the back

"Soddin' lil' cube wans' me ta come alla way out here an' no drink waitin'. Be lucky if he ain' in tha dead book by anti-peak."

Serpico gives a happy grin, "Chess Niceaarsss. S'orrible plasss."

"Plenty os doorsss ere, me Serpico Forktongue the Thirds. You wass?"

"Chesss Nicearssss. You no earssss?" The kobold stares.

Methinks that was the sound of the quick release chastity belt being put back on.

"Chesss Nicearssss. You no earssss?" The kobold stares.

"Ten?" Serpico tries to raise an eyebrow and fails.

"Ten?" Serpico tries to raise an eyebrow and fails.

"Yous face drows? Karrins. In Dushy of Ten'ha. Not know this plass. Yous wants back?"

"Look anyways I iss magician, whass yous?" Serpico hasn't had this long a chat with anyone in....well never.

"Yous face drows? Karrins. In Dushy of Ten'ha. Not know this plass. Yous wants back?"

"Look anyways I iss magician, whass yous?" Serpico hasn't had this long a chat with anyone in....well never.

"I'm a warrior, can't you tell by my big axe," Karrin asks as she easily lifts the great axe with one hand, "but I can cast spells as well! Not as good as a wizard though. But well enough for a masher! We duskblades use magic and finesse rather then brute strength, but a little brute strength doesn't hurt," Karrin adds while flexing her right arm. Her muscles don't really look that impressive, but simply judging by the way she handles the big two handed weapon, she is quite obviously stronger then any human of similar size.

"Yous face drows? Karrins. In Dushy of Ten'ha. Not know this plass. Yous wants back?"

"Look anyways I iss magician, whass yous?" Serpico hasn't had this long a chat with anyone in....well never.

"I'm a warrior, can't you tell by my big axe," Karrin asks as she easily lifts the great axe with one hand, "but I can cast spells as well! Not as good as a wizard though. But well enough for a masher! We duskblades use magic and finesse rather then brute strength, but a little brute strength doesn't hurt," Karrin adds while flexing her right arm. Her muscles don't really look that impressive, but simply judging by the way she handles the big two handed weapon, she is quite obviously stronger then any human of similar size.

I always seem to forget to switch to my character when posting

O.L.L.I emerges from the back hallway and spots Shactal

"Honored co-worker Shactal! This unit is happy you have arrived! Please be seated and state your beverage preference to the publican and this unit will assume the cost."

The unlikely pair sit at a table and order a round of drinks

Serpico Fork-tongue III wrote:

"Yous face drows? Karrins. In Dushy of Ten'ha. Not know this plass. Yous wants back?"

"Look anyways I iss magician, whass yous?" Serpico hasn't had this long a chat with anyone in....well never.

"Drow? I don't think so, but it's a big country, so anything is possible. Tenh was peaceful, and I miss my home, but getting back home could be very hard . . . if nothing else I want to let my father know I'm alright. We didn't part on very good terms."

"I'm a warrior, can't you tell by my big axe," Karrin asks as she easily lifts the great axe with one hand, "but I can cast spells as well! Not as good as a wizard though. But well enough for a masher! We duskblades use magic and finesse rather then brute strength, but a little brute strength doesn't hurt," Karrin adds while flexing her right arm. Her muscles don't really look that impressive, but simply judging by the way she handles the big two handed weapon, she is quite obviously stronger then any human of similar size.

I always seem to forget to switch to my character when posting

"Souns goo'." Serpico attempts to shake hands with the giant woman. His arm is weak to the point of feeble.

"So Mr third, what are you drinking?"

"Haf be careful I gets silly easy. Haves what you haves," dissembles the friendly kobold.

"Haf be careful I gets silly easy. Haves what you haves," dissembles the friendly kobold.

Karrin begins fishing through her change purse for some coppers to pay her tab.

Ashura wanders back into the main bar.

“Hey Olli – oh!”

She looks around and spots Karrin and Serpico sitting nearby. “Um, hi,” she says, walking over. “Sorry to interrupt, but – oh, I love your hair! Is that your natural colour? It goes well with your skin, that’s some tan! Oh … anyway … do either of you know what that big bug thing sitting with Olli is? Is it … dangerous?”

Ashura wanders back into the main bar.

“Hey Olli – oh!”

She looks around and spots Karrin and Serpico sitting nearby. “Um, hi,” she says, walking over. “Sorry to interrupt, but – oh, I love your hair! Is that your natural colour? It goes well with your skin, that’s some tan! Oh … anyway … do either of you know what that big bug thing sitting with Olli is? Is it … dangerous?”

O.L.L.I spots his new friend Ashura Yami and waves to her from across the bar

Shactal glances up, then back to the fulminating green-colored pitcher of liquid he was dipping his sensory tentacles into

O.L.L.I spots his new friend Ashura Yami and waves to her from across the bar

Eir weaves back, slightly inebriated and wiping her mouth after a rather long trip to the lavatory.

"That was dingy. But I feel waaaay better. Anyone play darts?"