Recent Posts
Using the old "well why can't i invent steam power?" question to invent cars and tanks. mostly because it makes me break the whole fantasy feel by saying because i said so. I still don't have a decent answeer to that.
Because, in this world where fireball and teleport work, the ideal gas law does not -- hence no steam engines.
Which, incidentally, will also explain why gunpowder won't successfully propel bullets at lethal velocities.
Dont forget to tell the new guys that yelling "Malard" means your supposed to duck.
parties hate it when you loose your treasure list and cant remember what it is that that magic item they have really does. Hence, my players grown and I get deadly looks when I am going to or put something somewhere safe; its so safe I cannot find it.
if your really playing a bard that specialized in death dirges; dont really sing them during playing regardless of how well written you think they are; they wont appreciate them.
if you play a really tuff but mournful dwarf that longs for his vanquished vampire lover every waking moment and writes writes long love songs and ode's to her; the players will try to get you killed regardless of how tuff you are. Face it; players say they want roleplaying; but they have no sense of appreciation of good art; even when you rewrite some really nice rock ballads :)
then there is the nearly banned phrases:
"ever have one of those days where...."
"arent you going to kiss her? NO"
"when your rubbing your body up against me like that; I just cant concentrate"
"Sorry, just glad to be alive"
and
"shuttup Peck!"
There is something wrong with owning a flock of forrest rodents and calling myself the Squirrel Lord.
I will remember the BBEG's names. I will not just call them all Stupid McFugly.
Heh. My players just use "silly townsperson" regardless of who or what they actually are.
Anyhow, few of my own:
...I'm guessing you can see a pattern in my players.
I will remember the BBEG's names. I will not just call them all Stupid McFugly. Heh. My players just use "silly townsperson" regardless of who or what they actually are.
Anyhow, few of my own:
(lots of non-challenges)
...I'm guessing you can see a pattern in my players.
That's awesome. Why can't I have players like this? I'd chicken them into getting three characters per session killed - each!
I'd make notches on my GM screen. I'd forever be dropping remarks like "that guy has never been beaten in a running-chainsaw-juggling contest" and watch them destroy themselves.
The phrase "your riding turtle cannot outrun his horse" is not a challenge.
Of course it isn't, that's way too easy.
Cast Charm Animal on both.
Cast Animal Growth and then Haste on the Turtle.
Cast Reduce Animal and then Slow on the Horse.
Note: May require more steps for particularly little turtles. This is for a turtle at least size Small.
The phrase "your riding turtle cannot outrun his horse" is not a challenge. Of course it isn't, that's way too easy.
Cast Charm Animal on both.
Cast Animal Growth and then Haste on the Turtle.
Cast Reduce Animal and then Slow on the Horse.
Note: May require more steps for particularly little turtles. This is for a turtle at least size Small.
Yes, which is how they eventually did it (or something similar anyway). the real "challenge" of it was that the team wizard knew none of those spells. and had no scrolls of them. I can't even remember how they got access to the spells, but i seem to recall a scying spell and a teleport were involved.
- When encountering playful pixies in their own environment and invited to party, it is not appropriate to say "I'm going to burn this f-ing forest down!" just becuase you are in a bad mood.
- Nor is it appropriate for a fellow party member (female) to make sexual advances on you during battle, when your female too, and a snippy elf....with firepower.
- Regenerating haunches of meat are just WRONG
- When punishment for threatining to burn down a pixie's forest is a orgy with fellow party members, to include a male drow, it is not appropriate to say to my character "Gee Rynn I didn't know you liked dark meat!" and not fess up who actually said that.
- Even more so when Rynn is now Zhuul the Lich Queen.
One that I happened to remember when posting in another thread:
- Continued drawing from decks of many things because the pony you got one time somehow isn't miniature and green will not be met with appreciation.
- No, this deck of many things is NOT differant from the last one.
- Seriously, stop drawing from it!
(This was before I realized that as DM I didn't have to have all items in my game and available just because they're in the book. In fact, this became the first item I banned for this very reason.)
All of this happened in a one-off Ravenloft game a few days ago. This was run by a friend who hasn't been DM in a long time, so he thought he'd mess with our heads, by having us make characters for a modern survival situation and then pull us through the mists. The last one is more of a group trait than anything.
* At no point may I attempt a patented James T. Flying Leg Kick, no matter how many feats my monk has taken.
* I am no longer allowed to take Craft Wondrous Item to solely produce Beads of Force so that I can give them to people with the express purpose of saying, "May the Force be with you."
* I am absolutely forbidden from accosting men outside the local brothel by saying, "You came in that thing? You're braver than I thought."
* Especially if it is a captain of the guard.
* Totally verboten if it is the guard captain.
* I am no longer allowed to approach surly dwarven weaponsmiths with my own designs so that I can say, "Make it so."
* Regardless of the amount of water pressure produced, punching holes in the boat with a sphere of annihilation is not considered an effective way to put out the fire.
* When asked to come up with a title, I shall no longer use Herbert, the Ravager of Small Furry Animals.
* I will also no longer choose the Lord of Rodly Might.
* I will accept my DM's fiat when he tells me that the feat Many Shot does not make my male archer multi-orgasmic.
* Nor, apparently, does Precise Shot allow me to make a called shot to the eye.
* Nor, apparently, does Shot-On-The-Run allow me to equitably conclude my encounter whilst jumping out the window.
* While I can bring any weapon I want into the brothel, I must check the Rod of Rulership at the door.
* I will refrain from strolling through halfling shires singing "Short People" by Randy Neuman.
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