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Am I the only one who actually liked the Dungeons and Dragons movie? Sure it was a bit cheesy, and the names sounded just like the 'Capitalize normal words that we strung together' method that Greyhawk seemed to employ in its earlier years, but it was still fun. Just not great. Perhaps not even good, but enjoyable. Plus, it made Wrath of the Dragon God even better, because it tried to be a cheesy on purpose.
Am I the only one who actually liked the Dungeons and Dragons movie? Sure it was a bit cheesy, and the names sounded just like the 'Capitalize normal words that we strung together' method that Greyhawk seemed to employ in its earlier years, but it was still fun. Just not great. Perhaps not even good, but enjoyable. Plus, it made Wrath of the Dragon God even better, because it tried to be a cheesy on purpose.
Wrath of the Dragon God was enjoyable, but for some reason, the original seemed to exude pure elemental suck from every orifice. I blame Marlon Wayans.
I did, however, buy a copy.
Meh. I have to forgive Mars Attacks- I have a soft spot for both cheesy sci-fi movies, and parodies of cheesy sci-fi movies. And Natalie Portman.
Going into Independence Day, I was tentatively buying into the hype that it was the greatest action movie ever, and instead I got a cheesy, nonsensical, 50s-style alien movie. What a piece of crap. Not long after I went into Mars Attacks! expecting a cheesy, nonsensical, 50s-style alien movie, and I was not disappointed. That movie delivered. That's when I learned the secret to a good movie-going experience: low expectations.
The DaVinci Code (Again, I haven't seen the movie, but movies are always worse than the books that inspired them, and the book was stupid, therefore the movie must be abysmally stupid by comparison.)
I for one hated the book,(on so many different levels) the movie is however passable, if only because of the acting.
Patrick Curtin
(Pathfinder Adventure Path Charter Subscriber; Roleplaying Game, Campaign Setting, Companion, Battles Case Subscriber)
There are Many who would disagree.
And Fifth Element?? Come on! That movie was all kinds of awesome!
I look at Fifth Element more as a really stunning cinematography showpiece than a good movie. The plot was thin, but some of the scenes were truly amazing, like New York (especially the chase scenes). I think that movie had quite a few exceptional actors that really shone (Bruce Willis, Chris Tucker and Gary Oldman spring to mind.) Some of the comedic bits were kind of funny too. I guess I could overlook the thin plot and like it for its pieces, not for the whole.
Patrick Curtin
(Pathfinder Adventure Path Charter Subscriber; Roleplaying Game, Campaign Setting, Companion, Battles Case Subscriber)
I look at Fifth Element more as a really stunning cinematography showpiece than a good movie. The plot was thin, but some of the scenes were truly amazing, like New York (especially the chase scenes). I think that movie had quite a few exceptional actors that really shone (Bruce Willis, Chris Tucker and Gary Oldman spring to mind.) Some of the comedic bits were kind of funny too. I guess I could overlook the thin plot and like it for its pieces, not for the whole.There are Many who would disagree.
And Fifth Element?? Come on! That movie was all kinds of awesome!
Many seem to have liked it I just can't seem to have figured out how, or why. Then again I liked Ice Pirates so go figure.
The stupidest movie I've ever seen (in a bad way - movies like Plan 9 from outer space and Dolemite are probably dumber, but they are also amusing) must be Armageddon. Hypeconcentrated schlock from the first to the last second. Also, it didn't help that I worked in a movie theatre back then and ended up seeing it 8 times in as many days. Still, to be fair, I think it is better than Tim Burton's remake of Planet of the apes...
There are a number of movies that seem stupid - I'm thinking about the likes of Starship troopers, Tropic thunder and, especially, Beyond the valley of the dolls. I see these more as subversive little gems rather than huge, steaming heaps of idiocy. Sadly, Armageddon has no such redeeming values. It also gest etra doofus points for the terrible soundtrack. Boooh!
I'll fess up to going to see Yor: Hunter From the Future when it came out in the early 80's. It was so bad I walked out 30 minutes into the film. Exhibit A for a film school course in how not to make movies.
The other film that ranks among my dumbest ever filmed (even Val Kilmer could not redeem it with a memorable performance) was Willow. Story by George Lucas, directed by Ron Howard, great performance by the aforementiond Kilmer, and a cute baby that you get to see every 30 freaking seconds in the film, what could go wrong? How about a story that's so badly written and plodding it feels like swimming through molasses in a straightjacket? Or a vehicle that seems more a showcase for ILM to show off it's fx (hmm, anticipating the Phantom Menace perhaps), than actually present a coherent story with good dialogue.
Roller Boogie
Can't Stop the Music
Short Circuit 2
Megaforce
Solarbabies
Heartbeeps
The Village
The Howling 2: Your Sister is a Werewolf
Surf Nazis Must Die
Surf 2: The End of a Trilogy
Pearl Harbor
Evil Toons
There is one other movie I regretfully must decline to list. Were I to do so, the flame war that would be produced is a greater testament than the movie deserves.
Can't Stop the Music did have problems, I agree...it is too long and Village People are statists in the movie, which concentrates more on Valerie Perrine and Steve Guttenberg...I do have soft spot of these pop froth movies, but there are better ones (Spice World springs to mind).
First Scary Movie was vaguely watchable (I think we should adapt Phantom Menace as a standardized yardstick when describing bad movies...Scary Movie was better than Phantom Menace), and third one was surprisingly the best one, with some actually funny jokes. I have seen the second one (a friend downloaded it, in no way will I pay anything for that) but cannot really remember it, I guess I started doing something else while the movie was playing.
There are movies which are better than the books, if done properly and certain amount of liberties are allowed (many Hitchcock films are based on books widely forgotten by our generation, for example...), so I would guess Da Vinci Code might be better as a movie. It helps that the book has style of a movie spin-off.
Thanks for reminding of the hours taken off my life by this crap folks.
What else were you going to do with it? :)
A couple of "bad" movies that have been mentioned that I don't think are horrible:
Dungeons and Dragons
The 5th Element
And one that I like:
Phantom Menace (still my favorite of the prequels).
My Star Wars list goes:
1. Empire Strikes Back
2. New Hope
3. Phantom Menace
4. Revenge of the Sith
5. Return of the Jedi
6. Attack of the Clones
I honestly think Jedi would be the best one if you cut out all the non-Luke parts on Endor. I think the last few scenes with Luke and Vader fighting are some of the best stuff on film.
Loved Fifth Element. Chris Tucker-as-Ruby Rod was so funny, I sprayed soda all over the dude in front of me the first time I saw that movie.
I have a complicated sadomasochistic love/hate relationship with the Dungeons & Dragons movie. I think it really is a good movie if you selectively lobotomize yourself and ignore any scene with scenery-devouring Jeremy Irons (who is *so* much better an actor than that, normally!), that blue-lipped monologuing freak working for him, the stupid old exposition elf healer person (pretty much all of the elves, actually) and, last, but certainly not least, Snails.
The main character and his wizard not-girlfriend and the Dwarf are all kinda fun characters, and the effects aren't bad. The costuming was particularly cool, compared to the usual ren-faire crap they dress fantasy characters in.
Ah, but the topic is movies that make me stabby.
For that I submit Aliens vs. Predator. Two potential gold-mine franchises, a 'can't-miss,' that, through what I must assume to be backbreaking hard work and devotion to craftlessness, sucked massively.
Also, obligatory mention of every film Uwe Boll has made in the last 10 years.
I'll fess up to going to see Yor: Hunter From the Future when it came out in the early 80's. It was so bad I walked out 30 minutes into the film. Exhibit A for a film school course in how not to make movies.
I saw it in the theater as well, but I was also 12 at the time and cannot claim to have had any discernable taste at that age.
So my question is, did you ever see Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared Syn? If so, where would you place it in terms of suckability against Yor? Not only was this movie bad, it was bad in 3D.
Am I the only one who actually liked the Dungeons and Dragons movie? ...
No. I happen to rather enjoy it. I'd even go so far as to say it's on my list of favorites. I particularly liked Wayan as the thief. And I have exressed this like elsewhere on these boards quite fervently.
I also enjoyed the Battlefield Earth book quite a bit, but I'm also in the minority for this. And even I wouldn't watch the movie. Fat, old Travolta as the villain? what the hell?
I must admit that I havn't watched the better part of these movies, but some of the titles that stood out at me were the fifth element, dude, where's my car? and Dodgeball, none of which I would label as "dumb movies". now Zardoz (despite the "so bad it's funny") and the Lohan one? definately. but my vote for dumbest movie ever filmed has to be "Lost in Translation". that was the closest I ever came to a date, and it was a group thing. Me and my friend enjoyed it due to the J-Pop referances, but none of the five of us understood the plot, got the characters or anything. we all left with a sense of "what the hell just happened?" possibly the only movie I feel I wasted my money on. and it managed to completely kill any chemistry between the chick and me. GAH!
Set, I agree on AvP. What did you think of AvP: Requiem? I thought it was much closer to the feel of the respective series, especially Predator.
I did not see it, having been pretty let down by the first one.
The Dark Horse Alien vs. Predator comics (which start with a story about an older grizzled Hicks and a teenaged Newt and later had a story about the mayor of a colony world whose cattle-town is overrun with aliens & predators) are freaking amazing. Either of those turned into a movie would have been many times cooler, IMO.
My Star Wars list goes:
1. Empire Strikes Back
2. New Hope
3. Phantom Menace
4. Revenge of the Sith
5. Return of the Jedi
6. Attack of the Clones
Wow -- almost opposite mine. At the risk of a threadjack (and of being stoned to death by fans), I preferred 'em:
1. Jedi
2. Clones (I just hit "fast fwd" whenever Anakin talks! Try it! It's amazing how much better the movie is that way!)
3. New Hope
4. Empire
5. Phantom
6. Sith (We already knew exactly what was going to happen, as of the end of "Clones," so this whole movie was extraneous, in my opinion).
Set, I agree on AvP. What did you think of AvP: Requiem? I thought it was much closer to the feel of the respective series, especially Predator.I did not see it, having been pretty let down by the first one.
The Dark Horse Alien vs. Predator comics (which start with a story about an older grizzled Hicks and a teenaged Newt and later had a story about the mayor of a colony world whose cattle-town is overrun with aliens & predators) are freaking amazing. Either of those turned into a movie would have been many times cooler, IMO.
Totally.
Totally.Set, I agree on AvP. What did you think of AvP: Requiem? I thought it was much closer to the feel of the respective series, especially Predator.I did not see it, having been pretty let down by the first one.
The Dark Horse Alien vs. Predator comics (which start with a story about an older grizzled Hicks and a teenaged Newt and later had a story about the mayor of a colony world whose cattle-town is overrun with aliens & predators) are freaking amazing. Either of those turned into a movie would have been many times cooler, IMO.
Well, Alien3 kind of ruined the first one. I hate it when movies arbitrarily kill off characters from previous installments.
To be fair "I'm Gonna Git You Sucka" was a Wayans brothers movie and still quite funny. Who doesn't love a parody of Blaxploitation films?
To be perfectly fair, the term "Wayans Brothers" usually means the two younger brothers, Shawn and Marlon. "Sucka" was made by the eldest brother, Keenen Ivory who, along with Damon, appear to be the only family members with talent. So, please don't hate on "Sucka", it was a rather funny movie.
And my vote for worst movie: that Cullen Blaine masterpiece, R.O.T.O.R.
Here's an actual movie quote: Let me tell you something, mister. You fire me and I'll make more noise than two skeletons making love in a tin coffin, brother.
Am I the only one who actually liked the Dungeons and Dragons movie? Sure it was a bit cheesy, and the names sounded just like the 'Capitalize normal words that we strung together' method that Greyhawk seemed to employ in its earlier years, but it was still fun. Just not great. Perhaps not even good, but enjoyable. Plus, it made Wrath of the Dragon God even better, because it tried to be a cheesy on purpose.Wrath of the Dragon God was enjoyable, but for some reason, the original seemed to exude pure elemental suck from every orifice. I blame Marlon Wayans.
I did, however, buy a copy.
I agree Wrath of the Dragon God, though 100% cheesy, was fun to watch. I own that one on DVD. The original "Dungeons & Dragons" movie was terrible though.
Gaaaaah! Worst movie ever!!! And I had almost erased it from my memory... Darn you! Darn you to heck!!Pearl Harbor
AAAAAH! There are SO MANY F*++ING PROBLEMS WITH THAT MOVIE!
- It is a physical impossibility to lug a .50-caliber machine gun up five flights of stairs in thirty seconds.
- Bursts of machine gun fire fired from an airplane in flight DO NOT make perfect little *railroad tracks* of pockmarks in metal/dirt/water/human flesh. Due to the plane's vibration and movement, you'd be lucky to get a single straight path of bullets. This also destroys the movie cliche of dodging between twin streams of bullets fired by an airplane. If that happens, you are officially hamburger.
- When there were actual American heroes at Pearl Harbor, why create a fictional one? I would have loved a movie about Ken Taylor and George Welch. But no, we have to put up with Ben f~#$ing Affleck. And that other guy who can't act... What's his name...
- Why the hell would someone as experienced as Lt. Col. James Doolittle decide to train fighter pilots to fly bombers, when there were perfectly qualified fighter pilots available? To provide a vehicle for the riveting performances of Ben Affleck and that other guy, obviously. In fact, why include the Doolittle raid at all? That would be enough material for a second movie!
- Japanese Zeros, while far more maneuverable than American P-40s, were NOT faster. However, the P-40s couldn't turn on a dime STORE, much less a dime, so dogfights between the two would have been ineffective, as the planes wouldn't be able to track each other. During the war, the American pilots would actually dive-bomb Zeros, then speed off at full throttle.
- Some of the battleships in the film were not even BUILT until after the war (namely the USS Constellation aircraft carrier and USS Whipple destroyer escort). And on top of that, you can actually SEE the USS Arizona Memorial in some of the shots.
- And, to the best of my knowledge, there ARE NO MOUNTAINS ON LONG ISLAND.
F%$@ YOU, Michael Bay.
Gaaaaah! Worst movie ever!!! And I had almost erased it from my memory... Darn you! Darn you to heck!!Pearl Harbor
I try to leave, but they keep pulling me back in. Seriously, Pearl Harbor wasn't a good movie, but it was far from the worst I've seen.
You're saying that Pearl Harbor was a worse movie than Highlander 2?
Gaaaaah! Worst movie ever!!! And I had almost erased it from my memory... Darn you! Darn you to heck!!Pearl Harbor
I try to leave, but they keep pulling me back in. Seriously, Pearl Harbor wasn't a good movie, but it was far from the worst I've seen.
You're saying that Pearl Harbor was a worse movie than Highlander 2?
Probably not. Speed 2 was probably worse than Pearl Harbour as well. But I had some expectations going into it, and it turned out to be a steaming bucket of sentimental dreck. Gack!
I'll fess up to going to see Yor: Hunter From the Future when it came out in the early 80's.
That was actually shown in theaters? I’d assumed it was the world’s first direct-to-video release. That tape had been at my local Blockbusters so long I’d figured the store was built around the site where the tape was unearthed by now-dead arcaeologists.
All I do know is that it lead to a frequent exchange between me and my buddy Neil:
“Yor: the Hunter from the Future.”
“No…you’re the hunter from the future.”
“No no no, you’re the hunter from the future.”
Anyhoo, in my day job as SITE TV coordinator for the USS Enterprise, I maintained a library of more than 750 movies and scheduled a 24-hour viewing schedule for the crew. I have actually seen every single movie in the entire world more than once.
With my authority now established, I will officially declare the dumbest movie ever made to be ‘Ecks vs. Sever’.
Who dares contest my decision?
That was actually shown in theaters? I’d assumed it was the world’s first direct-to-video release. That tape had been at my local Blockbusters so long I’d figured the store was built around the site where the tape was unearthed by now-dead arcaeologists.
That movie is from the before time, many moons ago, when it was assumed that any movie, no matter how crappy, would find its way up onto the silver screen before being interred in the catacombs of dusty video racks. The concept that anyone would prefer to watch a crappy movie in the privacy of their own home rather than be ridiculed for it in public had not occurred to anyone yet.
Johnny Mnemonic. Four reasons:
- It didn't follow the book at all.
- Dolphin? What the f&&&?
- Henry Rollins as a scientist doesn't jive in my book.
- No one can possibly want room service that badly.
Wasn't "Johnny Mnemonic" actually a shorter piece in an anthology? If I recall, the script drew from elements in the entire collection, hence the muddled nature of it.
As for Rollins, I found him more believable than the usual schtik: The scientist is an absolutely gorgeous woman, in order to be the love interest for the male lead, who has to protect her from whatever bad guy wants to use her new discovery to rule/destroy the world.
I think the worst movie i've ever seen was Gummo (1997). PLOT: Lonely residents of a tornado-stricken Ohio town wander the deserted landscape trying to fulfill their boring, nihilistic lives.....so damn stupid. My Fraternity bothers made us watch during our initiation and man was it tortureous.
I saw that some people didn't like Deep Star Six. While I can agree that the movie was pretty....odd, it wasn't that terrible of a flick. My favorite part is where the guy gets bitten in half while wearing his space-like underwater suit...awesome!
For another off the wall B-movie that I suggest seeing, for no other reason that it was one of Peter Jackson's first films is Dead Alive. Best line in the film "I kick a$$ for the Lord!" -said by crazy, ninja priest.
Johnny Mnemonic. Four reasons:
- It didn't follow the book at all.
- Dolphin? What the f&&&?
- Henry Rollins as a scientist doesn't jive in my book.
- No one can possibly want room service that badly.Wasn't "Johnny Mnemonic" actually a shorter piece in an anthology? If I recall, the script drew from elements in the entire collection, hence the muddled nature of it.
As for Rollins, I found him more believable than the usual schtik: The scientist is an absolutely gorgeous woman, in order to be the love interest for the male lead, who has to protect her from whatever bad guy wants to use her new discovery to rule/destroy the world.
Yeah, it was a shorter piece. And I do have to agree with you on Rollins being more believable than most movie *scientists*.
For another off the wall B-movie that I suggest seeing, for no other reason that it was one of Peter Jackson's first films is Dead Alive. Best line in the film "I kick a$$ for the Lord!" -said by crazy, ninja priest.
I LOVE THAT MOVIE!
Best part:
Going into Independence Day, I was tentatively buying into the hype that it was the greatest action movie ever, and instead I got a cheesy, nonsensical, 50s-style alien movie. What a piece of crap. Not long after I went into Mars Attacks! expecting a cheesy, nonsensical, 50s-style alien movie, and I was not disappointed. That movie delivered. That's when I learned the secret to a good movie-going experience: low expectations.
I totally bought into the hype on that movie! I loved the trailer with the big independency day speech, the toys suggested a bunch of organic exoskeleton suits, and the whole thing looked freaking sweet...
...and then the stripper survived a city-destroying fireball by hiding in an alcove...
In retrospect, I don't think Independence day sucked much more than your average brain dead action movie, but I have an irrational grudge against it for being so bad when I was expecting something so good.
Loved Fifth Element. Chris Tucker-as-Ruby Rod was so funny, I sprayed soda all over the dude in front of me the first time I saw that movie.
Funny!??! I hated him from the moment he first appeared on screen. He was so annoying that I was confused when he didn't die a humiliating death almost immediately after he was introduced. The fact that he didn't die was the final push over the edge separating "bad, but non-offensive" from "how do I not lose faith in mankind because that movie was so bad."
...and then the stripper survived a city-destroying fireball by hiding in an alcove...
My favorite part of that sequence is that you're supposed to be cheering for the dog to make it into the closet before the fireball, yet the dog is leaping over cars filled with quivering families that are about to burn.