Advanced Race Guide is Away!

Screw the we can only occupy one per five foot square rule, we got these guys!

Kobald House Party III
Revenge of the Newbs

Back away slowly, maybe they haven't seen us yet....

In the end, the Kentucky Fried Tengu needed a little more salt.

Harsk: I told you that we should have turned left after riddleport.
Tengu: Squawk!
Merisiel: Oh come on, stop sulking, i said i was sorry!
Harsk: Um less talk more kill?
Merisiel: No, he needs to stop sulking. I promise i will never call you a carrion eater again.
Tengu: Squawk!
Harsk: But he does eat carrion, i saw him.
Merisiel: What.
Tengu: Damn it, Harsk.
Harsk: Sorry.
Kobold: Um, can we fight now? I am sure that getting to the bottom of this is great and all, but we were in the middle of bloodlust here.
Harsk: We'll get back to you in a moment scalyface.
Kobold: Outrageous! How insulting! Should i hiss now and wag my tongue?
Harsk: but...you have...scales...on...your...face...
Kobold: It is not considered polite, sir, to mention private things like that!
Merisiel: Weren't we fighting just now?
Kobold: This is more important!!!!

Discussion about political correctness ensues...

"We're having eggs tonight, lads! Get 'em"

or

"They brought the dwarf and the rogue; the cheaters! The traps are useless... get 'em!"

or

"Has anyone else noticed that in all these covers, we monsters attack the party from the left? We need a new tactic!"

"Koboldly go where no elf-chick, dwarf-dude and bird-man have gone before?"

or

"Merisiel, the bird dude is about to eat your ear."

or

"A Diplomacy check takes how long?!?"

or

"Merisiel, what do you mean the exit we've been retreating to is an illusion?!?"

"We said NO CROUTONS on our salads!"

Harsk: "Alright lassy. When I told yer to to invite along the spell casting bird, I think yer misunderstood me. I meant the pretty one. Not this flying rat here."
Tengu: "..."
Merisiel: "Actually Tengu can't fly."
Harsk: "Shut it Elf."

...

Kobolds: "You know if your busy, we could come bak later?"

Harsk: "Don't move! They can't see you if you don't move!"

Merisiel: "Wait, did you just nail your knowledge check, or completely blow it?"

Kobold on the left to Kobold on the right

"Looks like we'll have to eat crow this time."

Merisiel:"The treasure map just said 'Tucker's Place'."

"Ok, so the kobolds are a pressing matter, but don't you think it's a bit more important to figure out why the cleric is suddenly a bird?"

Well, obviously, we have a kobold horde in these caves.
They're climbing up the walls, snatching all their weapons up
Trying to kill you
So you'd better sneak attack, power attack
sneak attack, power attack
And watch you back so they don't flank you

Here's three from me.

Merisiel: Wow I'd love to meet the artist those kobolds look almost real.
Harsk: Ye do realize they be breathing lass?
Random Kobold: They're onto us, RUN!

And two that are breaking the fourth wall

Harsk: Damn it, what do I always say? Be careful what you wish for.
Merisiel: Come on how was I to know that was a wishing ring we found. Much less that it would take what I said out of character in real life as our wish and turn us into our characters. At least your still a guy and poor Tom isn't even human anymore.
Tengu: Squawk (Guys I don't think this is the right time for this.)

Finally one that'll also do as a fourth player for the group above.

Kobold: (Laugh at me for playing a kobold rogue will you just watch this bluff check.) Aeiii adventurers get them my bretheren.

Finally one that'll also do as a fourth player for the group above.

Kobold: (Laugh at me for playing a kobold rogue will you just watch this bluff check.) Aeiii adventurers get them my bretheren.

I am yet to stop laughing. This one was brilliant.

Merisiel to the Tengu and Harsk: "Looks like kobold's back on the menu boys!"

"I bet that invisible stalker never expected us to recruit those kobolds to surround him. Giving those kobolds the rights to that gold mine was the best move we've made."

MERISEL: "Bet you're glad I talked you into wearing your blue robe today instead of your red robe, huh Mr. Feathers?"

TENGU: "...."

Harsk: "CHISWICK! FRESH KOBOLDS!!!"

Only those that watch Black Adder will get this one - Because Harsk is Brian Blessed.

You misspelled BRIAN BLESSED.

OK, which one of the little suckers is Wolfgang?

"This is the safe escape route??"

"Advanced Race Guide: Because "a Dwarf and an Elf enter a cave full of Kobolds..." never gets old".

"We're coming for your Turnips!!!!!"

You mean radishes?

The 8th Dwarf wrote:

Harsk: "CHISWICK! FRESH KOBOLDS!!!"

Only those that watch Black Adder will get this one - Because Harsk is Brian Blessed.

You misspelled BRIAN BLESSED.

If you look it up, the correct spelling is BRIAN BLESSED, not "Brian Blessed" as you spelled it.

I hope he won't come and yell at me or do the yeti.....

"Avon calling."

Rogue: "Damn it Morty! Did your polymorph spell go haywire again?"

Wizard(Morty): "Quiet you! Maybe no one will notice."

Dwarf: "Look, if Morty doesn't make it we are having chicken tonight."

Rogue: "They don't look like they are going to be interested in a copy of the "Watch Tower".

"No, we're all out of pickles."

Umm... This isn't where I parked my cart...

My take is that the kobolds aren't actually attacking. They're arranged around the edge of our point of view because they've been shoved along the cave toward the exit by an expanding wall of a cube of force. The adventurers are trying to figure out what's going on. The dwarf is saying:

"Either mime is the new bard among kobolds, or things are about to get unpleasant..."

Harsk: We're gonna need a bigger axe ...

It looks like, to me, that they are actually retreating; so this came to mind.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dsx2vdn7gpY

"Game over man! Game over!"

Harsk: "Hey look, The Pathfinder Ride... Wow, Neat!"

Tenku: "Gimmie a break!"

Merisiel: "I dont like this!!!"

Kobolds: *Singing*
"It's a world of laughter,
A world of tears.
It's a world of hopes,
And a world of fears.
There's so much that we share,
That it's time we're aware,
It's a small world after all.

Chorus:
It's a small world after all.
It's a small world after all.
It's a small world after all.
It's a small, small world. "

Party runs out screaming!

"Wish I'd played a human and taken the extra feat"

or

"I think these new rules for Kobolds break the game, everyone seems to be playing one"

Advanced Race Guide, now with the all new non-core encounter multiplier.

(instead of level adjustment: if you pick certain races (tengu), every future encounter will get the number of monsters multiplied by X (5))

The real reason girl scouts don't sell cookies in Golarion.

"And Yes, They ARE made from real Girl Scouts."

"Sheesh! I leave you two alone for FIVE minutes . . ."

"I see dead kobolds."

"Do you see these feathers!? You ever heard of a black chicken before!? You go first!"

Tengu: "They'll all be sleeping, you said. They'll never miss one little bit of treasure, you said. I'll be back in my nest before they even know what happened, you said."

Harsk: "Shut up and cast, you stupid chicken!"

Tengu: "They'll all be sleeping, you said. They'll never miss one little bit of treasure, you said. I'll be back in my nest before they even know what happened, you said."

Harsk: "Shut up and cast, you stupid chicken!"

Tengu: "I'm not chicken! Do I look like Scootaloo to you?"

Merisiel: I think the kobold at the back just cast a spell. Did anyone identify it?

Merisiel: I think the kobold at the back just cast a spell. Did anyone identify it?

Tengu: "I'm pretty sure it was summon monster IX . . . I think we're out of our depth."

"Now, who's bright idea was it to make an Open Call for our fourth party member?"

*Moves boulder aside from the cave entrance*
Tengu: Squawk! (Light spell and surprise that the Kobolds were in here.)
Dwarf: Hmmmmm I was right the boulder was not wedged in the hole; it was blocking it. (Dwarf being impressed with his stonecunning ignoring the obvious.)
Elf: Oops wrong cave. <whisper to the dwarf> Put the boulder back.

"Meri I thought you said it was a Goblin cave"