We be Licktoads! We make raid!
Put the longshanks to the blade!
Burn them up from feet to head,
Make them hurt, then make them dead!
Cut the parents into ham,
Smush the babies into jam,
All the rest in pot get stewed,
We be Licktoads - you be food!
You are goblins of the Licktoad tribe, who live deep in Brinestump Marsh, south of the hated man-town called Sandpoint. Once, other goblins tried to burn Sandpoint down, and they would have been legends if they had succeeded. But they didn’t bring enough fire, and got themselves killed as a result. Yesterday, your tribe discovered that one of your own had been using forbidden arts and was engaged in one of the greatest of taboos—. In fact, rumor holds that what he was writing was a history of your tribe! There’s no swifter way to bring about bad luck than stealing words out of your mind by writing them down, and so your tribe had no choice. You branded the goblin’s face with letters to punish him, which is why everyone calls him Scribbleface now, and then you ran him out of town, took all of his stuff, and burned down his hut.
That’s where things got interesting, because before you all burned down his hut, Chief Gutwad found a weird box within the building. Inside was a map and a lot of fireworks—fireworks that immediately came to use in burning the hut down. Then, this morning, Gutwad announced that tonight there would be a feast in order to drive out any lingering bad luck from Scribbleface’s poor decisions. But perhaps even more exciting, all of you have been secretly invited to meet at Chief Gutwad’s Moot House. Why would the chief want to speak to you? It can only mean that he’s got an important mission for you all... one that the other goblins of the tribe couldn’t pull off. This could be your chance to go down in Licktoad history!
Only his duly appointed advisor, an overdressed, pompous goblin named Slorb can handle the might of the chief’s words without fainting from fear.
As you converse amongst yourselves, a high pitched, nasaly voice that you can recognize as Slorb’s sounds out from the main room, ”His Mighty Girthiness will see you now!”
Inside, Chief Gutwad sits precariously atop the Teeter Chair. Slorb gestures for you to sit on the dirt in front of the chief (a great honor!) but then, much to your great shock, Chief Gutwad speaks to them directly in a deep, booming voice.
“You all be heroes. Each of you. You are best Licktoads but for me. And maybe but for Slorb. That you aren’t fleeing in terror from mighty sound of my voice is all the proof you should need. Yet soon, all Licktoad goblins will know your might, for I have picked you for a dangerous mission.”
“You know about fireworks and map we found in Scribbleface’s hut. Fireworks were fun. But map is more fun. It shows a route to a place near the coast where Scribbleface found fireworks.
And it says there are more fireworks there! I want them for Licktoads. You all go get them tomorrow. Tonight we have big bonfire to burn bad luck away from you, and we play many games. Much fun. Tomorrow you fetch me fireworks.”
“If you meet men, you make them dead. If you meet dogs, you make them dead. If you meet horses, you make them dead. If you meet Lotslegs Eat Goblin Babies Many, you maybe should run. “
He adds in a final threat: ”And if you not find fireworks, you not come back or we feed you to Squealy Nord!”
The Chief gestures to Slorb, who hands you all the map and a variety of fireworks, then dismissively tells you, ”Go. Feast. Fun.”
Chuffy hisses, Burnings, splosions, ands stabyness. Is bestest of bestest missions!
Me get dog eyes? Then Reta ok and yesses.
Slorb, Moot house has its bunches of weapons. For such important of missions. Chuffy needs use some more of weapons for doing Chief's bidding. Can't not be impossible to be done without and chief want done'd.
Slorb narrows his eyes. "You get fireworks, what more do you need?" He thinks a moment, then whispers conspiratorially, "But I will tell you, the reward from one of the Dare's is the Chief's bestest weapon!"
As you exit the Moothouse, you see a variety of goblins scurrying about for various errands: from secretively setting up Dares, preparing for the finest of goblin cooking, or carrying as much firewood as can possibly be found. Although most seem to be determined to get done with their part of the upcoming celebration so that they can partipate, given that word has spread that you are the Heroes that are going to find more fireworks, you convince a couple to stop and answer questions, begrudgingly.
Asked about Scribbleface, they laugh "Ah, Scribbleface? He's sent to the swamp. Probably food for leaches by now! He deserves what he got, trying to trap our souls with his words! At least he did some fun, with the BOOM of his hut!"
As for the previous mission of Sandpoint, things are less jubilant. "Lots of goblins set fire to the Longshanks village, kill horses, then lots die too. All the fault of that one Longshanks. Never trust a Longshanks!"
Slorb narrows his eyes. "You get fireworks, what more do you need?" He thinks a moment, then whispers conspiratorially, "But I will tell you, the reward from one of the Dare's is the Chief's bestest weapon!"
Chuffy win for surest!
Goblins toil all afternoon to build the bonfire out of branches, sticks, and unburnt timbers taken from the ruins of Scribbleface’s hut. As night falls, a group of four struggling goblins carry the Teeter Chair (with Chief Gutwad sitting atop it) out to the bonfire, and the chief lights the fire with a small, purple firework. This signals the start of an all-night party that features lots of good things to eat, drinking, and dares! One of the bestest chefs in the village serves a dish of snails and swamp brine he calls “eskergut” as the first of the Dares is announced: Dance with Squealy Nord!
To win this dare, you must ride Squealy Nord, a fearsome boar that lives in a muddy pit in the village, right next to the baby cages. Stay on for 18 seconds, but don’t fall off or he might eat you!
Dance with Squealy Nord
Hide or Get Clubbed
The Rusty Earbiter
Eat a Bag of Bull Slugs Real Quick
Dance with Squealy Nord
Chuffy makes the first attempt at riding the fearsome Squealy Nord, but is immediately unseated, though he lands softly. Second up, Mogmurch, manages to hold on for 18 seconds and is called victorious, and is awarded a “Dragon Brew Gourd” .
The next Dare (whose announcement is punctuated by flung offal from Squeally Nord’s pen) is Hide or Get Clubbed! The dare-taker must off into the marsh without any weapons and attempt to find a good hiding spot. Then other goblins try to find them, and if they do, the finder is allowed to whack the Dare-taker with a club!
Chuffy once again rushes first for the dare, and has 8 goblins attempt to find him. Despite his somewhat awful hiding place and two particularly sharp goblins almost finding him, he manages to evade them all and is lent a Ring That Lets You Climb Real Good .
The Rusty Earbiter
The infamous Rusty Earbiter is a hollow coil of rusty wires, barrel hoops, bent swords, and thorny branches and vines that's kept behind the Moot House when not in use. So named for the fact that it's claimed a number of goblin ears in the past (there are currently a pair of partially severed goblin tangled in its sharp internal coils), the Rusty Earbiter is both an object of fascination and fear for the Licktoads. The half-insane tinkerer who invented the thing has long since died (carried off one night by a giant bird of some sort after his first and only test of a prototype bird-attracting hat), but his legacy lives on. The other goblins cheer and hoot when you are dared to crawl through the Rusty Earbiter, and a half-dozen eager goblins roll the 20- foot coil out from behind the Moot House with the typical number of slashed fingers and stabbed legs such a task normally brings.
Chuffy (again), takes the lead in this Dare!
Once again, things look grim for Chuffy, as he manages to get stuck twice. He perseveres and is awarded the Chief’s Personal Very Useful Robe That Is Useful. This is a robe of useful items that has only four patches left—a ladder, a three-legged turtle, a horseshoe, and a bullhorn.
There is one last Dare. Eat a Bag of Bull Slugs Real Quick
Bull slugs are black, wriggling slugs the size of sausages. Even among the goblins, they’re considered particularly foul-tasting and, because of the large amounts of slime they exude, difficult to chew. A covered wicker basket containing the slug bag is brought before the goblin who accepts this dare, along with a napkin made out of a soggy leaf. The goblin has 1 minute to eat an entire bag of bullslugs to win this dare. Eating the slugs is not a problem, even though they wriggle, taste of rotten fish, and burst with a little squeal when chewed. Eating a full bag in a minute is the hard part.
"YES! The longshanks will be no match for Mogmurch! Now I make Squealy Nord go boom boom?"
He looks at Chief Gutwad expectantly as he stuffs the Dragon Brew Gourd in a leather boot strapped to his belt.
Chief Gutwad glares at the alchemist and makes a curt shake of his head towards Mogmurch. Slurg is quick to speak up: No! No boom booms for Squealy Nord, we need him to find truffles! There is a quick murmur of ascent from the crowd: everyone knows that truffles are great additions to a stew and Squealy Nord is the bestest at finding them.
Chuffy begins shoving the slugs in his mouth as fast as he can.
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Chief Gutwad glares at the alchemist and makes a curt shake of his head towards Mogmurch. Slurg is quick to speak up: No! No boom booms for Squealy Nord, we need him to find truffles! There is a quick murmur of ascent from the crowd: everyone knows that truffles are great additions to a stew and Squealy Nord is the bestest at finding them."YES! The longshanks will be no match for Mogmurch! Now I make Squealy Nord go boom boom?"
He looks at Chief Gutwad expectantly as he stuffs the Dragon Brew Gourd in a leather boot strapped to his belt.
Mogmurch rolls his eyes dramatically.
"Fiiiiiiiiiiiine"
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Mogmurch grabs his own bag of slugs and starts in.
The first one goes down fast and he’s fine for a brief moment. Then it hits him like a wave.
*Hurk*... Mogmurch fails to keep it to a hiccup and ejects the slug and all his previous festival food onto the ground.
He looks around to see if Chief Gutwad noticed and finds a corner to sulk alone.
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The next Dare (whose announcement is punctuated by flung offal from Squeally Nord’s pen) is Hide or Get Clubbed! The dare-taker must off into the marsh without any weapons and attempt to find a good hiding spot. Then other goblins try to find them, and if they do, the finder is allowed to whack the Dare-taker with a club!
Mogmurch takes his turn and finds a good enough hiding place up in a tree. However while waiting for the seeking goblins he is distracted by a butterfly just above him. He creeps out further and further on his branch trying to capture it. Just as a seeker passes underneath it breaks. He lands on him, breaking his arm but the other goblins rush over and begin whacking him with their clubs before he can escape back to the main festival area.
"Ouchies..."
Stupid Squealy! Chuffy glares at the pig with a hand on his weapon. But with everyone watching, he eventually decides not to stab the beast. At least not right now.
.
.
.
Chuffy jeers at the other goblins, ignoring their dark looks. Ha! Ha! No one finds me! Chuffy bestest goblin hider evers!
.
.
.
Yes! Even famous rusty Earbiter no stop Chuffy! Chuffy be greatest goblin hero ever!
Chuffy runs up to Slorb and yells, Mogmurch cheated! He didn't really eat bull slugs. They was just catpiliers covered in mud. Mogmurch should no get win. Chuffy should get win for catches him cheating!
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Chuffy runs up to Slorb and yells, Mogmurch cheated! He didn't really eat bull slugs. They was just catpiliers covered in mud. Mogmurch should no get win. Chuffy should get win for catches him cheating!
[dice=bluff]1d20+2
Mogmurch indignantly raises up his bag with the remaining slugs for all to see.
”NO! Chuffy is fattest liar and pants are on alchemical fire!!”
Then he mutters more softly ”Or they will be...”
There are shouts of excitement as the seconds tick down and slugs come up. Although the results aren’t very pretty, Mogmurch manages to hold down the wriggling, foul, slugs! Slorb comes forward holding the Chief’s personal weapon, the Gorge of Gluttons
Slorb reminds you, ”The Ring, Robe, and Dogslicer are on loan to you by the Chief! Bring them back and bring the fireworks, or it’ll be your heads!” He looks around and whispers conspiratorially. ”Fireworks will be given tomorrow morning, you’ll need ‘em so you can’t set them off tonight!”
The celebration and feasting continues long into the night. A pungent brew is passed around that only further serves to lead the chaotic affair further into revelry. Food, fights, fire, fireworks, what more could a goblin ask for!?
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Mogmurch excitedly takes the dogslicer and hefts it in his hands. Then he suddenly remembers...
"Mogmurch likes to stay further away from baddies and throw boom boom. This looks like for close encounter..."
He wanders around the festival for a short time until he finds Reta.
"Reta, Mogmurch think you be better slicer and can use this on longshanks!"
He pushes the dogslicer into her hands.
The revelry lasts long into the night, and at dawn you are brought before the Chief (regardless of how much sleep you actually got.) With an impressive amount of dignity the corpulent chief hands bestows upon you Scribbleface’s map and the remaining fireworks: Two Desnan candles, four paper candles, and a skyrocket. Fireworks rules
He whispers an almost redundant reminder, “get fireworks and bring them here to me.” before turning to leave. Studying the map, the the trek is almost an hour into the swamp, through swamp and marsh that is often deep and crocodile infested, with only a single safe path of dry land marked out.
Chuffy every time everything! and heads toward the path.
Chuffy sneaks along trying to hide behind every bush while at the same time looking in every direction.
You venture into the marsh, as stealthy as a small misfit band of goblins possibly can be. The marsh itself is relatively difficult to navigate, with numerous stretches of deep water that must be skirted and thick tangles of stinging nettles.
As you round one particular bend, Reta stops short. Hidden amongst the trees, of the marsh is a hideous, bulbous spider with ichor dripping from its mandibles. She recognizes it immediately from the legends of the village: Lots-Legs-Eat-Goblin-Babies-Many! Only Reta appears to have noticed it, and it doesn't seem to have noticed your hidden group.