We Be Goblins full series

Game Master Awenydd83

With a hint like that, how can we resist? :)

"No fair! Me want, too!" Already flustered that Rita only gave him one dart, he dives into the mud with gusto, imagining that perhaps the bog might birth more of such shinies.

perception: 1d20 + 1 ⇒ (17) + 1 = 18

Chuffy admires his shiny new weapon, eying the others wearily. "No touch my shinies. Me sticks you with it if try!"

"Me get my own shiney. You give darts back if I don't find one." She hisses at Chuffy as she starts digging around in the mud for something good herself.

Perception: 1d20 + 8 ⇒ (16) + 8 = 24

Chuffy glares and tries to swipe at the other goblin whelps as they swarm over him looking for more shineys! Showing typical goblin intelligence, Poog goes face first into the water and swishes around for a moment before coming face to face with the petrified and water logged leering skull of a long dead goblin! It seems that some goblins are heavy enough to break through the peat layer and drown here! Before he can pop to the surface in a spluttering fountain of surprise, a SECOND body floats to the surface!

Between the two pickled corpses, the young whelps are able to put together a second dogslicer, a javelin, a grappling hook, an unholy symbol of Zarongel, two wooden spoons, two dead moles, and a jar of pickled fish heads.

And a partridge in a pear tree!

The team packs squabbles for a moment over the goods before finally divvying everything out and setting off for the Cave of Darkfear!
As you travel, the horrible morning sunshine slowly gives way to a refreshing, dank drizzle as you cross the marsh. Before you reach your destination, though, you come upon a rudely shaped fallen log blocking the path. A weaselly grey-green figure climbs astride it- Kettlehead the Goblin, his polished pot still perched upon his puckered puss. He cries "Stupid baby wannabe goblins!" as another pair of whelps from the cage- Culgick and Rempty- scramble up beside him. Kettlehead continues, waving a mean looking dogslicer over his head. "You took toads from Kettlehead's special pond, and now you have to pay my price. Give me all your toads! And say you be stupid!"

Maps link is updated

"Me take dogslicer. Me biggest strongest goblin. You take other stuffs. Me want knife."

Kettlehead Ambush

"You stupid. I caught toad all on my own. I bet you don't know what to do with toad if you had it. Me NOT GIVE YOU MY TOAD. ME NOT SAY I"M STUPID. YOU ARE STUPID."

"Me?! Me no stupid.. Yous is stupids! You pay for insulting Kettlehead!" your green skinned tormentor sputters in rage at Ritas words!

Colgic jumps off the log and rushes straight for Chuffy, swinging his dogslicer! but he trips over his own flapping feet and misses terribly!
Attack: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (3) + 2 = 5

"Bold May Post"
Colgic
Chuffy
Mogmurch
Rempty the Red
Poog
Rita
Kettlehead

Dear god.. There is so much awful alliteration in this scenario that its catching.. Is there a salve or lotion for that?!

"You fall down funny!" Mogmurch says as he breaks into laughter at the other goblin's misfortune.

Seeing an opportunity though he quickly dodges to the side and throws the pointy metal stick he just found at Kettlehead, his riotous laughter causing his throw to miss by a mile!

throw javelin: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (5) + 3 = 8

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Chuffy throws his javelin at Kettlehead, who just glares as the missile comes no where near him!

Chuffy Delays

Rempty jumps off of the log and also heads towards Chuffy, swinging his own dog slicer. Unfortunately for the whelp, this slice catches him right in the neck, nearly dropping the little goblin where he stands!!
Attack: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (19) + 2 = 21
Confirm: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (20) + 2 = 22

Dmg: 2d4 ⇒ (3, 4) = 7

"Bold May Post"
Colgic
Chuffy- 7 dmg, Disabled
Mogmurch
Rempty the Red
Poog
Rita
Kettlehead

Chuffy is too busy laughing at Colgic that he fumbles at the sudden rush of Rempty. His cackle is cut short when the dogslicer turns into a goblinslicer and Chuffy falls to the ground in a spray of blood! "Urhk!"

Rita moves around and swings at Rempty. "You all so stoopid. So stoopid I can't hit you."

Dogslicer Attack: 1d1 + 2 ⇒ (1) + 2 = 3
Damage: 1d4 ⇒ 1

Rita, if you see this in time, you didn't roll a d20, you rolled a d1. I don't think anyone would mind if you fixed that. ;)

Chuffy is not unconscious yet right? Just disabled, so still standing?

Standing behind Chuffy, Pooog gets sprayed by his blood as the dogslicer slices into the whelp. Chuffy starts to collapse on the ground. Pooog grabs the necklace of Zarongel, and starts pounding Chuffy's head with it. "You no sleep! You stand! You fight!"

clw on Chuffy: 1d8 + 1 ⇒ (3) + 1 = 4

Technically, Chuffy can take his turn now?

Yes, Chuffy is disabled not dead prior to your intervention and is still on his feet when you cast the spell.

Rita: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (19) + 2 = 21
Confirm: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (18) + 2 = 20
Crit: 1d4 ⇒ 2

Chuffy chortles too hard, opening himself to attack. He still holds his feet, but barely.

Rita, on the other hand, returns the favor in kind! She steps around the fight and comes in on an angle, finding a hole in her targets armor.

Standing behind Chuffy, Poog tends to his wounds with the help of Zargonel, closing the wound on Chuffy's neck.

Kettlehead finally stops sputtering and charges into the fight, attacking Rita. Luckily for her, Kettleheads dogslicer is unable to catch her.
Attack: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (12) + 2 = 14

1d3 ⇒ 3
Colgic steps back and attacks Rita, trying to get her back for slicing him! He grins as his weapon too draws blood!
Attack: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (13) + 2 = 15
Dmg: 1d4 ⇒ 4

"Bold May Post"
Colgic- 3 dmg
Chuffy- 3 dmg
Mogmurch
Rempty the Red
Poog
Rita- 4 dmg
Kettlehead

Chuffy sneezes bloody mucus all over Rempty as his wounds suddenly close, thanks to Poog. He suddenly chortles wildly! "That was good surprise, King Bubble!" He takes a step back and hurls one of his darts!

Attack: 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (13) + 4 = 17
Damage: 1d3 ⇒ 3

Chuffy makes a mess of Rempty, followed by a quick hurl of a dart into the creatures chest as way of payback. The dart sticks, quivering, as Rempty cries out in pain and starts hopping around.

"Bold May Post"
Colgic- 3 dmg
Chuffy- 3 dmg
Mogmurch
Rempty the Red- 3 dmg
Poog
Rita- 4 dmg
Kettlehead

"Me get you Rempty! " Mogmurch shouts as he hurls a dart at Rempty...

dart throw: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (3) + 3 = 6

...but he throws wide, nearly hitting Rita!

"Sorry Rita!" he offers with a cringe.

Mogmurch throws a dart but is distracted by the lovely spray of blood arcing from Rita's weapon.. unfortunately for Rita, where his eyes went so to did the dart!

Rempty keeps pressing the attack, not seeing how these small whelps are still standing. His dogslicer lashes out at Poog this time, screaming "You no heal my cuts! You fall and die!!"
1d2 ⇒ 2
Attack: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (18) + 2 = 20
Dmg: 1d4 ⇒ 3

"Bold May Post"
Colgic- 3 dmg
Chuffy- 3 dmg
Mogmurch
Rempty the Red- 3 dmg
Poog- 3 dmg
Rita- 4 dmg
Kettlehead

Rita swings at Kettlehead, and takes a step back. "Ouch you mean thing. Go away."

Dogslicer: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (19) + 2 = 21
Damage: 1d4 ⇒ 2

Rita: Dogslicer crit range is 19-20!
Confirm: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (9) + 2 = 11

Rita scores what looks like a major hit on the ugly overgrown brute, but he turns away at the last moment and only gets a scratch!

"Bold May Post"
Colgic- 3 dmg
Chuffy- 3 dmg
Mogmurch
Rempty the Red- 3 dmg
Poog- 3 dmg
Rita- 4 dmg
Kettlehead- 2 dmg

Question as we have not been using the badges. Is each of them only one use?

"AAARRRRGHHHH!!!" Poog screams in fury. He ducks and scrambles his way past Rempty, flanking him with Chuffy then swings down with his club.

acrobatics, tumble past Rempty: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (12) + 2 = 14
club, flank: 1d20 - 1 + 2 ⇒ (11) - 1 + 2 = 12 dmg: 1d4 - 2 ⇒ (1) - 2 = -1

Each of them have only one use, but there are duplicates for the individuals that earned them. They lose their magic after one use or one week, and I listed in the spoilers above who has what badges.

With a startling scream of rage, Poog just manages to swing between Rempty and Colgic, pinning the bigger goblin between himself and Chuffy before swinging his club. Unfortunately, it seems his rage has mislead his eye though, as the club swings harmlessly by.

Kettlehead steps up on Rita, swinging his dog slicer as he yells at her "Me no stupid, you stupid. You die!!! But.. he misses.
Attack: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (8) + 2 = 10

Colgic continues to help Kettlehead, and manages to get another slice in on Rita. She is still on her feet, but not looking good at all!
Disabled
1d2 ⇒ 2
Attack: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (17) + 2 = 19
Dmg: 1d4 ⇒ 4

"Bold May Post"
Colgic- 3 dmg
Chuffy- 3 dmg
Mogmurch
Rempty the Red- 3 dmg
Poog- 3 dmg
Rita- 8 dmg, disabled
Kettlehead- 2 dmg

Moving off the the side for a clear shot, Mogmurch howls, "Catch my 'splody Kettlehead!", as he tosses one of his gourds at the large goblin!

ranged touch Swamp Gourd on Kettlehead: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (11) + 3 = 14
fire damage(as alchemist's fire): 1d6 ⇒ 6

When Rita gets hit, she activates her Happy Beat Badge, and flies directly away from Kettlehead. "You stoopid. I'm better than you at jumping.

As Colgic's blade screams in for Rita's throat, the little whelp grasps for one of the badges pinned to her jerkin. Suddenly, She is standing several feet away unharmed as Colgic looks between her and himself in dumbfounded amazement!

Mogmurch pulls out a flask of gods-knows-what concoction he as assembled, tossing it to break right over Kettleheads prized helmet! With a whoosh of flame and burnt goblin hair, he ignites like a Snapdragon firework! Mog crows in glee as the big nasty goblin falls to the dirt and lies still. Colgic slaps at a few spots of fire that burned his arm and neck in the conflagration.

"Bold May Post"
Colgic- 4 dmg
Chuffy- 3 dmg
Mogmurch
Rempty the Red- 3 dmg
Poog- 3 dmg
Rita- 4 dmg
Kettlehead- 2 dmg

Attack: 1d20 + 4 - 4 + 2 ⇒ (12) + 4 - 4 + 2 = 14
Damage: 1d4 ⇒ 4

Chuffy cackles maniacally as the flames rush over Kettlehead and he spits on Rempty. "Hah! You burn like Stupidhead!" He takes out his new dogslicer and attempts to gut Rempty!

Chuffy lashes out but misses the mark. Rempty steps back and strikes out at Poog.
1d3 ⇒ 1
Attack: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (15) + 2 = 17
Damage: 1d4 ⇒ 2

Poog and Rita are up, Poog is disabled.

-Posted with Wayfinder

Just wondering why Chuffy has a -4 to his attack roll?

Hmm.. good point, Poog. I can only think of a non proficient penalty?? Chuffy??

"Bold May Post"
Colgic- 4 dmg
Chuffy- 3 dmg
Mogmurch
Rempty the Red- 3 dmg
Poog- 5 dmg, disabled
Rita- 4 dmg
Kettlehead- 2 dmg

Ah yes, of course. Forgot we are completely unskilled whelps.Also to clarify, Kettlehead is down right? Cos he still appears in the initiative tracker. Which makes Colgic next in the initiative order?Which is blue?

Pooog may be badly hurt but he is not down. He roars defiance at the two bullying goblins, waving his club, and despite the great pain, steps to stand in front of Colgic. "Rita, hit him!

Idea is that Pooog will provide flank for Rita, if Rita also 5-foot steps. Hope I don't regret this.

ARRG my post got eaten, and it was a fantastic post. There was even a reference to doing the Time Warp.

Rita takes a step to the right, and swings with her brand new dogslicer.

Dogslicer: 1d20 + 2 + 2 ⇒ (18) + 2 + 2 = 22
Damage: 1d4 ⇒ 3

Sadly, yes, Chuffy is not proficient with any weapons he currently possess, exact the dart. I was trying to take advantage of the flanking bonus...

Tracker fixed and Kettle removed. Colgic will be next, and yes, he is blue.

Poog decides to take his life in his own hand, distracting Colgic until Rita can slash him from behind. She steps in and slides her pretty little dogslicer right between the bigger goblins ribs, dropping him to the ground!

"Bold May Post"
Chuffy- 3 dmg
Mogmurch
Rempty the Red- 3 dmg
Poog- 5 dmg, disabled
Rita- 4 dmg

Learning from his poor aim with the dogslicer, Chuffy takes out another dart and throws it at Rempty; however, his aim is off and the dart flies into the mud... "These surprises not very good.."

Attack: 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (4) + 4 = 8

Chuffy tries to hit the remaining goblin with a dart this time, but is just as unsuccessful!

"Bold May Post"
Chuffy- 3 dmg
Mogmurch
Rempty the Red- 3 dmg
Poog- 5 dmg, disabled
Rita- 4 dmg

Mogmurch swings one of his dead moles around and around his head, holding the rodent by the tail like some sort of medieval flail, before he let's fly...

throw anything!: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (10) + 3 = 13
whacked mole damage!: 1d3 - 2 ⇒ (1) - 2 = -1

Where in the nine hells did you find stats for a thrown mole?!?! I am going to treat this as a solid weapon vs normal AC unless you can show me where you got that and if it is some sort of demented splash weapon.. *looks at Mog really really suspiciously* *doesn't know whether to be impressed or sickened..* *Really considering an awesome bonus for ingenuity and resourcefulness!*

Mogmurch displays the kind of skill that carnies love to see at their stands, missing his target by quite a bit.

The last goblin, deeply wounded and all alone decides to display common goblin valor and run for the hills!!!

OUT OF COMBAT
Chuffy- 3 dmg
Mogmurch
Poog- 5 dmg, disabled
Rita- 4 dmg

"And stay gone!" Rita yells as Rempty runs away. "Ouch I'm hurt. Poog hurt too. Can anyone fix?"

Almost before Rita can finish asking for healing, Mogmurch rushes over and licks her wounds... it doesn't heal her at all, but he seems to be happy.

heal check: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (17) + 3 = 20

Mogmurch runs over to check on Rita, and before she can bop him or stop him, a long and slimy goblin tongue slurps against her wound. By some miracle the bleeding seems to subside a bit. Treat Deadly Wounds

Chuffy- 3 dmg
Mogmurch
Poog- 5 dmg, disabled
Rita- 3 dmg

Mogmurch: Ok, I understand now! You actually had me searching the PRD and d20PFSRD for stats for a thrown mole.. Next time you throw something, add a +2 to your attack roll. I didn't want to waste it on the last round of this combat when the enemy was just going to run anyways.

WOOT! Will do! TYVM!

Pooog looks at Rita's wounds closing, and with him almost fainting, screeches at the top of his voice, "Me want, too!"

But seriously, healing is going to be a problem? I've used my only cure light wounds.

Mogmurch reluctantly stops licking Rita... Mmm, tastes like mud and blood and sweat and yummy bugs and...

...and moves over to help Poog, mostly to stop his whining but also out of mild curiosity, Poog can't taste as good as Rita, can Poog?

Heal check: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (5) + 3 = 8

Nope! Definitely not as good! "Poog taste like dried frog poop! No heals for you!" he sputters, shaking his head.

Pooog looks at Mog-murch in some confusion. He then starts licking him own arm. "You right! Taste like dried frog poop!" He stares at his arm, then starts licking some more. "Taste good..."

Someone should give me a perception check and look over the bodies for shineys...

Done with licking for now, Mogmurch scrambles around the fallen goblins, looking for shiny ,splody or tasty tidbits.

perception: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (12) + 3 = 15

-Posted with Wayfinder

While Pooog continues licking his wounds, he also doggedly follows Mog-murch and starts digging through the bodies as well.

perception: 1d20 + 1 ⇒ (15) + 1 = 16