Now I'm pretty new to play by post DMing, but I've played the game for a few years. Now from what I've seen there are about 3 or 4 other goblin campaigns and I think there are still a few players left out.
Now, we begin our story deep in Brinestump Marsh in the Licktoad Tribe village. Goblin life goes on as normal, slashing, burning, mutual theft. However, one day, you find out that one of your very own had been taking part in the most heinous of taboos... writing things down. When your village found out what he had been doing, you and your fellow goblins had no choice but to punish him severely. He had been writing things down and therefore allowing misfortune and the words too be stolen out of all of your heads. So you branded his face with his beloved letters and ran him out of town. He is now known as Scribbleface and as his "used to be" possessions were being claimed and burned that a very odd chest was found. The chest was taken into the Moot House where your great leader His Mighty Girthness Chief Rendwattle Gutwad. Now, you have been secretly invited to the Moot House.
I'm looking for 3-4 players maybe five. Evil characters are allowed, however I will not allow pvp, (unless in good fun). Please remember that you are in fact small, green, psychopaths, that are running around lighting fires, and causing general mayhem. Have fun with your characters. Now for those interested in playing here are some basic stats for making a goblin character. Also, I have some pre-gens from the adventure path that includes a rouge, cleric, alchemist, and fighter. Just PM me.
Freigaar marches through the village dragging his axe, crouching slightly and mumbling obscenities, his bad mood due to the daily ration being too small today - so he had to punch the caretaker. When he sees other goblins coming near he just gnarls and screams "You all give way to Freigaar! Freigaar goin' see boss n' Freigaar already punch'd today, don't want punch again dis soon!" As the other goblins stand aside, he approaches the Moot House, walks to the door and shouts as solemnly as shouting allows.
"Freigaar here like you said, oh your bossiness the boss chief Gutwad!" Freigaar's mood seems to improve as he stares blankly at the door, hoping chief Gutwad will ask him to put his axe to use.
"Move'n out the way, stupid! You. In. Da. Way!!!" Completely unseen before, Stabby steps out of the thin shadow from beside the building. He tries to shove Ferigaar away from the door, but the larger goblin barely budges. "Hmph. Cagey goblin getting fat. FAAAAAT!" Stabby grins at Freigaar with a mouth full of teeth.
He turns and kicks the door of the Moot House. "Boss, Stabby here! Open 'em up!"
Freigaar snaps out of his trance and pushes Stabby back. "Who you callin' fat? Freigaar strong, not even eat much today! Freigaar eat you boney goblin if you not take it back!"
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Stabby goes tumbling back when Freigar shoves him. He rolls and hops up grinning. "Freigaar's tummy not like it if'en eat me! Freigaar get the runs!" Stabby laughs. He looks down and sees how far he rolled from the goblin's push. He nods. "Hmm. Cagey goblin strong. Maybe not fat. Maybe big, strong goblin. Still stupid." He grins and then spits on his hand. He offers it to Freigaar.
"Boss call'en you too?"
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Freigaar shakes Stabby's hands vigorously, still looking angry. "Hmph! Freigaar very strong n' don't like your name callin'... but let you off this time because boss wants you here."
He beats his chest and proudly proclaims "Freigaar here because is the boss' favorite for killing stuff!" He swings his axe to illustrate his statement.
Flashgit burns the poor goblin youngin for disturbing him while he was testing his melting water on some grubs he had melted out of a stump. He grumbles, mumbles, and curses his way through the crowd now gathering outside the moots house. Occasional screams and then a large parting wave of goblins opens up as one last goblin rubs a now stinking burning acid burn on her bum. "Serves you right fer not movin out da way stupid mud lickers!" Flashgit straightens the now very dirty and dingy black robe that is four or five times to big for him and settles the hood over his warty bald head. "Oh wise and powerful Chief Rendwattle Gutwad to whose girth there is no end, your obedient goblin servant the humble Facemelter comes at your beckon call to inspect the 'spooky' chest that the unmentionable one has possessed. May your wisdom guide us again as it always has your large and obscenely obese one." He raises his hands and twists his fingers in swirling arcs and coughs and spits in the mud profusely as his fingers begin to glow with a eerie green light and his fingers begin to drip gooey green slime on the mud that hisses and burns.
"Facemelter! Git back, big goblin!" Stabby tries to pull Freigaar back from the Chief's hut when Flashgit approaches. Stabby stands back and watches in fear as the strange goblin begins to play with water that burns.
Flashgit cackles like a dog trying to bark around a stuck bone in his throat as it's dying....such a lovely sound. He turns to Stabby and looks directly at him to say "It was you who brought this upon us!!! You must be melted!!!!" Flashgit cackles maniacally again and begins to move towards Stabby menacingly. About half way across the open space Flashgit turns his head suddenly as if listen to only something he can hear before saying softly, but still easily heard by goblin ears "oh it's not him? You sure? But I want to melt him! Awwww" He stops and wipes his hands in the mud watching it bubble and puddle with the magic he leaves behind like losing his favorite meal. "Today it was not you Stabby, but be careful because tomorrow is a new day." Once again he goes back to maniacal cackling and murmuring.
Poog,quietly sits on a log talking to his frog an mumbling
"Poog say Zargongel is the best,
He help burn things and heal the rest.
Zargongel’s favor makes Poog blessed.
And Poog also stab you with knife if you make fun of how he isn’t good at riding animals." he then curses and tries the chant agian
Freigaar steps back as Flashgit laughs maniacally. "Facemelter speaks funny and threatens goblins, Freigaar not like him! Freigaar stays away if Facemelter stays away too." He turns to Stabby and says "You can call Facemelter names if you want, Freigaar says he bonkers-crazy."
As he hears Poog chanting, he shouts "Another! Boss calls lots of goblins!"
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The sounds of ... well, the very loud sounds of metallic clanking from armor are very apparent. This gobbo was big, far as goblins are considered, anyways, and the heft of the good ol' horsechoppa sat on his back, blade vicious and covered in dried blood.
Tek saw just another day. Another day, except for this invitation he'd be acceptin'. He set out with his necessities, and stuffs - nothing out of the ordinary. With that said, he had a mean look as he walked up to the Moot House, and saw he wasn't the only one with these honors.
"'EY YOU GITS! Stop wit' th' squabblin' and make youselfs useful. Line up fer th' boss, else he mite gut ya fer blockin' his door!"
Tek made a large frown behind his jawplate. He flexed what little muscles he had - which were definitive of 'stronger than the rest' for as far as he cared. He drew out the horsechoppa and put the hilt 'gainst his shoulder, standing very straight - except, it never looked that way. Instead, he ended up looking like he was ready to gut the man who stood behind him - but that's goblins for ya.
Definitely trying to play up the 'I'm stronger' thing, going to be dumping points into crafting for, who knows, making makeshift armor for us all, should we need it. Of course, can't help it if it chafes, that's just a personal issue, though. I'm all for cooperation, though, 'cause we're stronger in groups - that's why we ambush adventurers in packs, after all...
The color drains out of Stabby's face when Flashgit accuses him of being the cause of everything. "N...N...No! Stabby not do anything!" When Flashgit turns away, Stabby quickly slides behind Freigaar, using the bigger goblin as a shield between him and the fearsome Facemelter. He whispers to Freigaar, "Facemelter bonkers, but he scary too. Makes'en skin buuurn!"
When Tek and Poog arrive, Stabby looks nearly in a panic. If it wasn't for the Chief calling him here, he would probably slink away from these other scary, mean goblins.
A dagger slides into Stabby's hand, but it stays close to his body to remain hidden from view.
I have no problem with any of it. Facemelter should be fearsome as should Tek from their backgrounds and their strengths. Stabby is a classic cowardly bully. He's willing to prey on anyone who seems weaker, but he knows he's little match for the others straight up. With all these powerful goblins around, he's pretty much scared for his life.
Poog Perception:
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A high pitched and nasal voice calls out from inside the Moot house.
"Yall's biter gets in he-ya" You all recognize Slorb's voice. He is the chief's main adviser and one of the only few that can listen to the chief's mighty voice that which scares most goblins.
As you enter the house it's self you see the various trophies of Licktoad heroics, there are stolen weapons, shiny bits of treasure, and dozens of brine-pickled bodies of brutally murdered, small, furry animals (mostly dogs). His Mighty Girthness Chief Rendwattle Gutwad is atop his teeter chair, which stands six feet tall to better allow him to gaze down upon his subjects. By tradition Gutwad doesn't speak directly to his subjects, instead he uses the overly dressed and pompous Slorb who can handle the might of Gutwad's words without fainting. Slorb addresses all of you and tells you to sit in front of His Corpulentness, what a great honor. And much to your surprise His Chiefyness addresses you directly, with his booming voice he speaks.
Stabby carefully walks into the hut, moving to the side opposite Facemelter. He's shocked when the Chief speaks and all concerns are forgotten. When the Chief speaks of them being the best, Stabby grins and stands up straighter. He suppresses a giggle when the Chief talks of killing men and dogs, but it's quickly cut off when mentions is made of Lots Legs.
Lots Legs bad news. Very bad. But Squealy Nord even worse if not bring back fireworks. Squealy eat'em goblin bones. Stabby shudders.
cackles with glee at being let in, and doesn't even register that Stabby is still there. He licks the last drops of acid from his fingers, the acrid taste making him giggle with even more glee as the chief speaks. His cackles and maniacal laughter seem to accentuate the chief's speech at the right times. At the mention of Lots Legs his excitement becomes unhinged as he begins to foam at the mouth and jump up and down in excitement starting to chant:
"Kill lots o legs
Take lots o kegs
Burn up man
Put dog in can
All will burn!
Or it's the piggies turn!!!!"
over and over repeating the chant building from a whisper to a shout...
"Kill lots o legs
Take lots o kegs
Burn up man
Put dog in can
All will burn!
Or it's the piggies turn!!!!"
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Freigaar smiles widely upon hearing chief Gutwad’s order, showing his crooked teeth. He raises his axe with both hands and shakes it, shouting “Boss, Freigaar kills for you and Licktoads! But Freigaar kills more for himself!” He laughs and jumps to the rhythm of Flashgit’s dabce, joining the chanting. “So happy, so happy! Kill men, kill horse, kill dog!” He suddenly stops and thinks about the legendary spider. “Kill Lots Legs too, if lucky!”
poog no ride good but poog heal and burn good. poog no food for nord
Stabby looks at Freigaar. "Stabby help too. But Lots Legs scary. You kill'em and Stabby help!"
Facemelter turns to the group and in midst of chanting says "WE WILL BURN THEM ALL!!!!" and scurries out of the chief's tent to go prepare for the imminent burning. His tent filled with insane cackles of glee all night long and the smell of things cooking and boiling in acid comes billowing forth from his personal preparations.
After your chat with the chief, the preparations for the big night began. Goblins scurried around picking up sticks, branches, and unburned timbers from Scribbleface's hut. They built up a large pile of debris. Once night started to fall His Mighty Girthness was brought out on top of his teeter chair to light the fire. As four of some of the strongest goblins in your village struggle to carry his Chiefyness, he then lights the fire with a desnan candle (basically a roman candle) that was taken from Scribbleface's old chest. The night has begun. After mingling with your fellow goblins for some time Slorb carries out a barrel filled to the brim with fermenting cider apples. Needless to say many a goblin, nay just about every goblin became very drunk, very quickly. However, as the night wore on word got out that the strong goblins that you all are, were going on a dangerous and glorious adventure. As they found out some thought that you may be not quite good enough for this chance and challenges were made in forms of dares, each having it's own reward.
Poog ride no good poog leave squealy to be ridden by others
Facemelter has eaten some bad apples apparently and fallen ill. He doesn't attend the bonfire right away.
Stabby is laughing and dancing around. He's already had several cider apples and the goblin is thoroughly enjoying his new status as one of the tribe heroes. "Stabby go fight'en with Lots Legs! Stabby cut Lots Legs in the face! AHAHAHA!!!" He whirls around in a circle, spinning faster and faster.
When Gibby makes his dare, Stabby jumps up and laughs in his face. "Stabby ride'em Squealy!!! Squealy no shake off Stabby!" He jumps off the table he's standing on and saunters over to the pig. He leaps onto the back of Squealy Nord and grabs the pig's neck. The piglet squeals and runs in circles, trying to toss Stabby off and he screams at the top of his lungs. "Ahhhhhhhh!!!" At one point, the goblin loses his grip, but he manages to hook his legs around the piglet and rolls his body, letting him hang upside down and stay with Squealy. After the pig has calmed down, Stabby slides off the pig and raises his arms in victory. "Stabby win! Stabby the bestest!!! YAAAAHHH!!!" Then he turns and vomits all over the ground.
Where is tek, tek stuck in rusty ear biter?
Freigaar approaches the nauseated Stabby and pats him in the back - or slaps him in the back, considering the strength. "Stabby ride Squealy good and make Licktoads proud! Freigaar happy to fight alongside Stabby!"
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Later that night a different goblin approaches the heros of the tribe, Reta Bigbad she is dressed in a veil with a corset she stole from some unlucky halfling. You all know Reta as a torrmenter of small helpless animals, and to be a good fighter. "Hey yous! You'd think ur'selves sooo good," Like the last goblin she too is very intoxicated."I bet y'alls cant even eat a bag of bull slugs real quick!"
This dare is a little less straight forward, brought to you is a basket filled with 5 bull slugs. Now, even in the Goblin community they are considered very foul-tasting. When the dare begins you will have one minute (10 rounds) to eat them all. To eat a slug is a full round action requiring a DC15 Fort save. If, you fail to eat the slug on one round you may try again with the same slug the second round. However, you may opt to only make a DC10 Fort save to eat the slug instead, this means you are neglecting to spit out the mildly poisonous slime bladder. Also, whether you ate them all or not you must make a Fort save, after you are done eating, if at any point you ate one of the slug's slime bladders (The DC 10, instead of the 15). I will tell you if you failed or not. The prize for this is mighty useful.
Stabby is already retching from his wild ride on the piglet. He waves off a couple of of goblins trying to get him to play in Reta's challenge. Finally, he slumps down, any of those trying to eat the poisonous slugs.
Slugs nasty me no want to eat slugs
Freigaar looks at the bow of slugs and exclaims "Bah! Freigaar not afraid of eating slugs! Freigaar not eat much better than this, anyways..." He stares angrily at his caretaker, who recoils remembering all the times Freigaar made it clear - with his fists - that the food was not of his liking.
As the goblin's chant for him to eat the slimy creatures, Freigaar takes them and starts chewing and swallowing voraciously, spitting out the poisonous bladders in all directions.
He feels his stomach heavy and an awful taste in his mouth. He pulls one goblin near and burps in his face, then stands up showing his tongue to all goblins and shouting "Blergh! Freigaar eats all nasty slugs!" He immediately reaches for a mug of cider to wash out the bad taste.
Slumped on the ground and still dizzy from his ride, Stabby claps and yells in support of Freigaar's victory. "YAAAAAH!!! Cagey goblin eat bad food bestest!!!"
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After Freigaar's amazing feat of choking down not three, but five of the disgusting bull slugs. You all are excited and celebrating his daring feat, along with Stabby's victory over Squealy Nord. Then out of the shadows behind you a voice wispers, making you all jump,"Hee, hee yeah eating slugs and riding pigs is all really good," a sarcastic voice chuckles," I dun think yous could win at a game that neededs more than just muscles. What if a little skill was need?" You all look around in surprise and spot Chuffy, a pyromanic that loves sneaking up behind his enemies and stabbing them repeatedly, even after their dead. Of course them being dead just makes them easier to sneak up on. "I dares you noisy goblins to play hide or get clubbed"
Everybody who wishes to take the dare will need to post a stealth check to hide. Once everybody who wants to play has posted their stealth check we'll see who gets clubbed and who dosen't.
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"Hiding stupid! Hiding for cowards! Freigaar faces men, dogs 'n lots legs upfront, not hide in shadows and bushes! But if Chuffy wants, Freigaar help with the clubbing." Freigaar seems excited with the opportunity to bash a few heads.
Stabby stand up as Chuffy challenges them. He makes a face and sticks out his tongue. "Pffffft!!! Chuffy hide like Freigaar smells after eating slugs. BAAAAD!" Before either can retort, the goblin runs off to see if they can find him.
After you hide as goblins stumble by looking around. Now, since they all have -1 to perception to give them a chance at finding Stabby I'm making 20's auto succeed, only for this dare though.
First up, Poog
Goblins stumble by.
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If your found take damage
Now, Stabby
Goblins stumble by.
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If your found take damage
"HAHA, stupid Poog get clubbed." Chuffy calls out, "Whers da otta one?" Chuffy scowls as he looks around,"Fines you win come out." Chuffy is sad and upset, but after a couple more apples..."You know, yous is not bad gobbies, and is good hiders." He says with a few hiddups and forgetting Poog was clubbed and Freigaar didn't even try.
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Stabby steps out from the hole he had dug himself at the base of a bush. Carefully, he moves up behind Chuffy. Anyone who sees him now he motions to be quiet by putting a hand over his mouth. When he's no more than 10 feet away, he screams and rushes the goblin. "AAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! Got ya!" He tackles Chuffy and the two go sprawling. Stabby stands up and says, "Stabby bestest at hiding! Chuffy be dead'en if Stabby wanted! DEEEAAAD! He grins at the other goblin with a mouth full of teeth.
I gus poog no do anything good
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"Stabby rides screaming like girl 'n hides like big coward, but bestest in the two! Freigaar drinks to Stabby! Tomorrow we kill together!" Freigaar eyes Poog with a disappointed look. "Guess Poog not good for much, but goes kill with us 'cos boss said so."
Clearly inebriated, Freigaar screams from the top of his lungs "Freigaar also has challenge for Licktoads! Fist 'n teeth fight!" Before finishing the challenge, Freigaar falls to the ground and starts snoring loudly.