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We Be Goblins! (Inactive)

Game Master FuriousPhil

Pathfinder module designed for 4 1st-level goblin characters.


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Snorg's speach is even less comprehensible than normal, spoken as it is around a giant mass of raw horse flesh. "Snorg is fearless and can't be feared! Snorg will lead way. Don't shoot Snorg in back scaredy snot shooty gubbin."

Acrobatics: 1d20 - 1 ⇒ (15) - 1 = 14

Despite the weight of his rusty scalemail, Snorg manages to scramble up the slippery plank.


Female Goblin Witch 1

Ekklub glares at Nergul for having the temerity to insult her intelligence.

"Ekklub smartest goblin."

It's a simple statement and, to give it the lie immediately, she starts walking up the plank entirely unprepared.

Climb: 1d20 - 1 ⇒ (6) - 1 = 5

Unfortunately for Ekklub's dignity, she wobbles and falls off immediately. Not to be out-done by a piece of wood, she has another go:

Climb: 1d20 - 1 ⇒ (2) - 1 = 1

... and falls flat on her back. Lying there, pulling faces at the sky, she challenges all and sundry: "Stupid goblins not able to trick plank into false sense of security!"


Sorry about the roll above being Acrobatics. Guess I misread. Snorg's climb modifier is -3 but a roll of 15 is still sufficient to have gotten him up there.

Snorg hoots with laughter watching the witch tumble repeatedly off the gangplank.


Game Master

As Snorg rushes up the gangplank, he is too busy laughing at Ekklub to notice that one of the planks is rigged with some kind of rope-spring mechanism. Some of the vines snap taut, knocking the afore mentioned giant ball of mud on the railing off of it and into the air.

Anyone at the bottom of the ramp can attempt to catch the suspicious looking ball of mud before it hits the ground with a DC 15 Reflex save. A DC 12 Knowledge (nature) check will tell you exactly what the ball actually is.


Male Goblin Ranger (guide) 1

The goblin guide watched with a smirk as Ekklub falls backwards and down the plank. Even from this distance, Nergul could hear the thud she made as she hit the ground.

Then the mud ball wrenched free of the vines and came crashing down...

Knowledge (nature) 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (20) + 4 = 24

And Nergul's eyes went wide. "That not good..." With an urgent croak, the guide yelped at the others, "That wing-stinger nest. Stupid gobbies better not let it break!!!"


Female Goblin Witch 1

Ekklub does her best to catch the mud-ball:

Reflex: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (16) + 3 = 19

... and, even though she's not in the best position to do so, she manages to grab hold of it without breaking it.

"Ha! Told you Ekklub smartest goblin!"


"Snorg clearly smartest goblin. Up here Snorg am safe an you dumb dumbs playing with wasps not safe, not smart." Snorg does a ridiculous little victory dance before remembering that he's probably not actually safe up here and turning around for a good look at his surroundings.

Perception: 1d20 - 1 ⇒ (5) - 1 = 4


Game Master

Ekklub deftly catches the wasp nest before it is able to smash on the ground unleashing a swarm of stinging insects. However, the nest has been agitated, and a muffled, angry buzzing sound is coming from it. Several large wasps are already crawling out of the end of it. You probably want to get rid of it...fast.

Snorg, you don't seem to be able to see any glaringly obvious traps the rest of the way up the gangplank. A layer of slimy green stuff coats portions of the plank and what you can see of the deck of the ship, but you should be able to avoid them if you move carefully.

Mukluk said he's going to be out of town for a few days, so I'll NPC his actions if necessary until he's back.

Mukluk Climb 1d20 ⇒ 4

Mukluk attempts to grab on to either the vines or handrail, missteps, and tumbles backwards into the mud at the end of the gangplank, chainmail, dogslicer, and various other items attached to him clanging as he does so.


Male Goblin Ranger (guide) 1

Once Ekklub has desposed of the nest, Nergul shouldered his crossbow and slowly made his way up the gangplank, making sure he's the last one up.

Climb check: 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (15) + 4 = 19


Female Goblin Witch 1

Ekklub takes the dry, papery wasp's nest - at least, it's dry and papery underneath all the mud! - and carries it carefully away from the gangplank. She then grabs the rat that's squirming in and out of her clothing, backs away from the nest, slowly and cautiously, then points the rat at it.

"Burn! Burn!!" she shrieks, and a small spark appears on the rat's nose.

"Not you! It!" is the reaction, and a wisp of smoke rises from the nest. Soon, it is merrily alight.

I've never seen a wasps' nest that doesn't burn well. Ekklub is casting Spark, which ignites a flammable object or substance.


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Game Master

The wasp nest ignites easily before too many of the wasps inside can escape and sting any of you.

Just to expedite things a bit, I'm going to assume that all of you make it up the gangplank and onto the deck of the ship eventually.

The main deck of the shipwreck is cluttered with objects both natural and artificial. Thick swaths of leafy vines grow over the deck, and shiny green patches of algae and moss grow where the vines do not. The central cabin's roof has a wide edge, creating a canopied walkway along the ship's sides. A flight of steps leads up to the roof of the main cabin, the entrance to which is blocked by a door decorated by a large number of rodent and bird skulls. A smoking stovepipe chimney extends up from the ship's highest point above.

You hear a low growling coming from somewhere. Then, the sound of a sliding wood window, and a gravelly goblin voice shouts "Little goblins come to my ship in the marsh/Little goblins that taste pretty harsh/Salt and pepper and everything's fine/On goblin flesh Vorka will dine!"

"Sick them! Make them sick! Scabtongue! Tickletooth! Buttbiter! Get them!"

Three feral dogs come rushing from three different directions, one from around the left side of the cabin, another from the right, and one, that was um...biting its hind quarters until it sees you.

Scabtongue Initiative 1d20 + 1 ⇒ (6) + 1 = 7
Tickletooth Initiative 1d20 + 1 ⇒ (6) + 1 = 7
Buttbiter Initiative (Distracted, itchy butt) 1d20 - 1 ⇒ (7) - 1 = 6


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Female Goblin Witch 1

"Aak! Dogs! Go 'way!"

Ekklub squawks, high-pitched and indignant, and makes feeble shooing motions. She reacts slowly

Initiative: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (3) + 3 = 6

but when she does, she starts weaving a spell, sending the dogs to sleep.

Taking a 5-ft step backwards if in melee, then casting Sleep; Will save DC13 to negate. It affects up to 4HD of creatures, so if these are 1HD dogs they all need to save.


Round 1
Initiative: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (1) + 3 = 4
Snorg, noticing Buttbiter's...butt biting, realizes that he also has a terrible itch and spends some time relieving it before reacting to the danger posed by the dogs and drawing his "big knife".

I'll assume that his Falchion had been sheathed to allow him to climb. If he is adjacent to a dog on his turn he'll power attack it. If not, he'll go with Total Defense raising his AC to 23.

Power Attack: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (3) + 2 = 5
---
HP 9/12


Male Goblin Ranger (guide) 1

Nergul gulps loudly as the dogs come into view. Already his hands were shaking, and he could feel the familiar sting of rancid sweat getting into his eyes. Quickly the tall goblin scurried back towards the gangplank, firing wildly at the first dog he could see.

Init: 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (9) + 4 = 13

"Nergul not being doggie-bite bits today!!

Ranged Crossbow Attack: 1d20 + 7 ⇒ (18) + 7 = 25

Crossbow Damage 1d6 ⇒ 4


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Game Master

Mukluk Initiative 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (5) + 4 = 9

Nergul's bolt hits the chest of the charging dog - as it gets closer, you can see a flopping, spittle covered, scab and sore encrusted oversized tongue lolling out of its mouth. It yelps loudly, but continues to charge forward towards Nergul, closing the distance faster than Nergul can move back.

Mukluk takes a swing at the other dog with his very appropriate weapon.

Mukluk Attack 1d20 + 7 ⇒ (5) + 7 = 12

...and barely misses the charging animal as it moves toward Ekklub.

Scabtongue Attack, Charge: (bite) 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (2) + 4 = 6

Nergul deftly sidesteps the dog's attempt to bite him.

Tickletooth Attack, Charge: (bite) 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (3) + 4 = 7

Ekklub is far too quick for the clumsy charge to connect, and the dog goes right past her, but quickly wheels. She steps back and quickly tries to focus to call on some goblin magic.

Scabtongue Will Save 1d20 + 1 ⇒ (1) + 1 = 2
Tickletooth Will Save 1d20 + 1 ⇒ (9) + 1 = 10
Buttbiter Will Save 1d20 + 1 ⇒ (13) + 1 = 14

Scabtongue and Tickletooth slump into a magical slumber.

Buttbiter however, decides to bite something else for a change, and attempts to do it to Snorg.

Buttbiter Attack, Charge: (bite) 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (11) + 4 = 15

Luckily, Snorg's pieced together mail manages to stop Buttbiter's teeth from sinking into his posterior.


Female Goblin Witch 1

Ekklub cackles gleefully, and glares at Buttbiter. "Bad Dog!" she yells, giving it the most baleful eyeballing she can manage.

Evil Eye hex, -2 to attacks. Will save DC 12 to reduce this to 1 round, otherwise it's 5 rounds.

The other dogs are out for 1 minute (10 rounds) so we can coup-de-grace them in a bit.


Round 2, Init 4
Snorg puts all of his considerably pathetic muscle behind a wild swipe at Buttbiter.

Power Attack: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (11) + 2 = 131d6 + 4 ⇒ (3) + 4 = 7


Male Goblin Ranger (guide) 1

For anyone watching, what Nergul does next is nothing if impressive, for a parapalegic dwarf. Jumping and bouncing from foot to foot, the tall goblin desperately tried to stay away from the dog, trying not to shriek as he groped akwardly for his dogbiter. For a moment, it almost looked as if Nergul would stumble over his own feet, and go spilling over the railings. But then Ekklub's magic caused his opponent to collapse into a magical slumber, and Nergul simply bumbled akwardly overtop of the sleeping dog. Panting heavily, the goblin eagerly wiped some sweat from his brow, before bringing his dogslicer down onto the mutt's neck.

Move action to draw my melee weapon. Standard action to attack the sleeping mutt that tried to bite me.

Melee Attack 1d20 + 6 ⇒ (10) + 6 = 16
Dogslicer Damage 1d4 + 1 ⇒ (3) + 1 = 4


Game Master

Both Scabtongue and Buttbiter are (or will be) down for the count.

Tickletooth continues to snore away, oblivious to his impending doom.

The gravelly goblin voice seems to be coming from the cabin. The sound of crashing pots and pans is followed by some cursing and shouting.

"Why you nasty gobs hurt Vorka's pretty pets! Vorka not even bother to cook you, eat you raw!" For all of Vorka's bravado, she remains inside the cabin.

Mukluk has an action (welcome back!) which I assume will probably be a coup de grace or something similar to incapacitate Tickletooth.


Creeping up to the sleeping dog, Mukluk raises the special dogslicer high into the air (which is to say, a couple feet off of the ground) and brings it down on the nasty dog's neck.

We kill dog and then we eat dog! Or we kill dog then kill you then eat dog! Or eat something! Mukluk hungry.

Coup de grace is a full-round action. Can't do that and move up to Tickletooth, so instead he'll move up and attack. Or, if Vorka's still in her cabin, he'll move, wait and coup de grace.

If no coup de grace: Attack roll: 1d20 + 7 ⇒ (18) + 7 = 25
Damage: 1d4 + 4 ⇒ (1) + 4 = 5


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Male Goblin Ranger (guide) 1

"Why you stupid goblin-eatter hide in cabin? Nergul thinks me will feed your tongue to bitey-mutts, and keep thumbs for heself!!

Almost as soon as the words had passed his lips, the gobin guide was flipping his crossbow back into his hands, eagerly locking another bolt into place.


Game Master

Mukluk makes sure the last dog is down for good.

Vorka seems to be sealed up tight in her cabin for now. A rickety set of steps leads up to the roof of the cabin from the deck. The cabin is situated in the middle of the ship with a large extended roof on both sides that extends to the edge of the ship's rails, creating a canopied walkway.

Two broken masts are on either side of the cabin at the fore and aft of the ship. Some old riggings hang between the two masts, and two crows nests are still affixed to the masts. A haphazard mess of ropes and platforms cross back and forth to the masts and the cabin's roof - it looks like goblin work.

There is also a hatch that looks like it leads down into the ship, situated on the rear deck. It has been nailed shut with scrap pieces of wood - poorly.

It's up to you guys what route you want to take. Going down into the ship might catch Vorka by surprise, or you can try a direct assault on the cabin...but there might be a very good reason Vorka is holed up in there.


Male Goblin Ranger (guide) 1

Nergul shifts uncomfortably on his feet. "Maybe me thinks we should maybe sneaky-sneak her. Me am not wanting to go through front door. Unless Little-Big-Knife want to go knock! Maybe monster mother show you favor if you go prove self? Me am right behind you!"

Nergul couldn't help but snicker to himself. However, he realised this could be a bad course of action.

"On second thought, maybe that bad idea. We should maybe go below. Yes, yes. Not want to give nasty Gobbie-Biter the advan.. advantta... ugh, upperhand!."


"Snorg not afraid of stupid door or stupid canibibble goblin," Snorg mutters as he walks over to the hatch. "How you want me open it? You want me bash it? I bash good. Sooooo strong!"


Bash it good! We be right behind you! Mukluk yells, all the while staying put and not moving any closer.

If Vorka come out, we charge! Right? Right!


Needing little encouragement, Snorg sets to chopping away at the planks securing the trapdoor.

Smash!: 1d6 + 4 ⇒ (5) + 4 = 9


Game Master

Snorg is able to smash through the almost rotten planking and grating covering the hatch.

You all can see into the pitch dark area fairly well with your darkvision, but from this vantage point (looking directly down) you can only see a wood deck and some blood and other unknown stains on the floor. It's about a 20 foot drop to the lower deck below.

You'll need some way to get down without taking falling damage. Or, you could push someone and see what happens. Also, successful Perception checks can reveal some more details.


Perception: 1d20 - 1 ⇒ (19) - 1 = 18

"What down there? Long drop. I say we toss Mukluk down there so we land safely on him."


Male Goblin Ranger (guide) 1

Not wanting to give anyone any ideas, Nergul remains at a distance. "What you see?"


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Game Master

As Snorg sticks his head down into the belly of the ship, there is evidence of a stairway that once led down into the galley, but it is far too dilapidated to use now. It may have been damaged in the initial wreck, or just rotted away from disuse.

There are various dead rodents, snakes, and birds that have been nailed to the walls. You can smell a cooking pot cooking some kind of meat or stew, and a ramshackle arrangement of stove pipes has been hung from the ceiling with tar-soaked rope. If the ship weren't so damp and rotten, it probably would have burned to the framing with the way the stove piping and cooking cauldron have been rigged.

The center of this area has a long dining table, with many goblin skeletons seated on the benches. They've been held together with sticks, twine, and wire. Someone has placed them so they look like guests at a feast. A burlap sack sits on the table among the broken plates and tankards.

Normally, I would let you guys try to puzzle it out how to get down there, but for the sake of keeping the game moving - Ekklub should check her Very Useful Robe That Is Useful - one of the patches contains a very useful ladder which will allow you all to descend with a DC 8 Climb check.


Female Goblin Witch 1

"Ladder! Go, ladder!"

Ekklub squawks excitedly, picking a few strands from her robe, then detaching one of the patches. It turns into a useful ladder - very useful - which Ekklub proceeds to lower down the hole. She almost drops it, but not quite: and then she prods Snorg to make him go first.


Trying not to gawk too much at Ekklub pulling a ladder out of her robes—how did ladder fit in robes? Is too big!—Mukluk instead takes point and heads down first.

Snorg too chicken! And Mukluk bravest and smartest goblin! As he says smartest, he flicks his glance at Eklub with a grin.

Climb: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (11) + 3 = 14

As he at least does not fall off the ladder, Mukluk tries to see if descending a bit gets him any better of a view.

Perception: 1d20 + 0 ⇒ (17) + 0 = 17


Snorg hustles down the ladder, angered by Mukluk's speedy descent. "Snorg bravest. Snorg braved the dangerous deck while you went and hid wif all da half eated dead people. Gonna cut you into strips and turn you into jerky and share with dumb canibibble goblin and we be best friends and then I kill him too." Snorg continues to mutter to himself as he climbs down and peers into the darkened hold.

Climb: 1d20 - 3 ⇒ (12) - 3 = 9


Male Goblin Ranger (guide) 1

Nergul waits until the two brawlers disappear below the deck, "Heh, dem stupid." With that he finally follows.

Climb check: 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (14) + 4 = 18


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Game Master

You all descend into the belly of the shipwreck without incident.

The description provided before when Snorg looked into the hatch is pretty much what you see now.

As Mukluk takes a look around, he sees large pots on a stove, with half-cooked goblin limbs sticking out of them. The burlap sack on the table contains the head of an unfortunate goblin with scribbly writing all over his face. He seems familiar...

However, before you can make the connection, a pair of evil looking red eyes emerge from the darkness of the doorway to the north. It suddenly...speaks, in a deep growling baritone.

"Vorka not like swamp goblins in ship. Vorka make deal with Ur, Ur watch ship below, Ur get to eat bone insides and guts."

"Ur like this deal. You die now."

A large wolf-like creature approaches slowly, it's teeth bared and dripping with saliva. It's bigger than any dog you've ever seen.


Female Goblin Witch 1

"Aaaak! Bad dog!"

Initiative: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (19) + 3 = 22

Ekklub reacts quickly, staying back from the big ugly thing, and picks up the rat that scampers at her feet. She aims it at the wolf, twitching nose first, and suddenly the rodent takes on a ferocious and terrifying aspect.

Casting Cause Fear, which makes the enemy frightened for 1d4 ⇒ 2 rounds unless it makes a DC13 Will save. If it makes the save, it's shaken for 1 round.


Male Goblin Ranger (guide) 1

Scurrying back to the ladder, Nergul's eyes went wide. Vorka had laid a trap for them, and they'd fallen for it like rats from a sinking ship. Whipping his crossbow around, the guide took aim and let loose a bolt at the fearsome beasts face.

Init: 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (6) + 4 = 10

Ranged Attack: 1d20 + 7 ⇒ (10) + 7 = 17

Crossbow Damage: 1d6 ⇒ 6


Snorg not afraid of big doggy thing. More for Snorg to eat!"

Snorg attacks with his typical recklessness and typical failure rate.

initiative: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (4) + 3 = 7

Power attack: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (1) + 2 = 31d6 + 4 ⇒ (1) + 4 = 5


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Rushing towards the giant dog, Mukluk yells out a battle song:

Big dog, big dog
I'll cut, I'll cut
Make you still as log
Stupid and big mutt!

Init: 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (20) + 4 = 24

Charge: 1d20 + 7 ⇒ (13) + 7 = 20
Damage: 1d4 + 4 ⇒ (1) + 4 = 5


Game Master

Ur is a worg, a magical beast sometimes found in the company of goblins. As such, any benefits against a dog opponent aren't going to apply in this case - Mukluk scores a hit regardless.

Ur Initiative 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (3) + 2 = 5
Ur Will save vs. Fear 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (18) + 3 = 21

Ur moves slowly to react to the sudden flurry of activity by the band of goblins that have infiltrated the ship. Seeming surprised by their belligerence, it sets to attacking them.

Mukluk strikes first, trying to sink his slicer into the beast's thick matted hide. He strikes true.

Ekklub manages to cast a spell, and the worg seems uncertain when finally committing to the attack.

Nergul fires a bolt straight and true, striking the beast in the shoulder. It growls in pain.

Snorg misses, swinging wide as the worg recoils.

Ur attempts to bite Mukluk, trying to pull him off balance and prone.

Ur attack vs. Mukluk (bite) 1d20 + 5 ⇒ (7) + 5 = 12 (-2 penalty from cause fear)
The worg snaps at Mukluk, but he seems to be holding back, and his jaws clamp down on nothing but air as Mukluk dodges sideways.

Mukluk is up next.


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Noted. It looks like a dog, acts like one, and smells like one too! But good to know.

Moving to flank with Snorg (if it provokes, it provokes; Mukluk is too foolhardy to care), Mukluk cackles as the creature misses him. Ha! Not so brave, eh? Me and Snorg cut you to bits! Flashing an evil smile, Mukluk swings his blade again, this time in an upwards arc, trying to lop off the beast's head.

Attack: 1d20 + 6 ⇒ (1) + 6 = 7
Damage: 1d4 + 2 ⇒ (3) + 2 = 5


Female Goblin Witch 1

"Bad Dog!"

Ekklub shrieks at the worg, oblivious or uncaring of the fact that it's not a dog. It looks like one.

The tiny witch's glare, coupled with her earlier spell, is enough to send the worg flinching even more.

Evil Eye hex, -2 to AC - Will save DC12 to reduce the duration to 1 round from 5


Round 2, Initiative 7

Snorg again swipes at the Worg but he is terrible at fighting. Just shameful.

Power Attack: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (4) + 2 = 61d6 + 4 ⇒ (3) + 4 = 7


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Male Goblin Ranger (guide) 1

Loading yet another bolt, and wrenching back the crossbows string, Nergul took a moment to take careful aim. It'd be harder for him now, but the tall goblin had no desire to present himself as a tasty treat for that slobbering beast while Snorg and Mukluk made perfect distractions while he tried to kill it.

Ranged Attack 1d20 + 7 ⇒ (7) + 7 = 14

Crossbow Damage 1d6 ⇒ 3


Game Master

Mukluk misses and always loses his balance with the awkward upward swing.

Ekklub places a weird hex on the worg.

Ur Will save vs. Evil Eye 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (5) + 3 = 8

The worg seems to shudder with the strange magic.

Nergul fires another bolt at the shaggy monster, and hits again.

Snorg must have been watching Mukluk too closely, as his swing goes wild and nearly hits Mukluk.

Ur finally finds his killer instinct and snaps his jaws with purpose at the goblin fighter trying to lop his head off.

Ur (bite) vs. Mukluk 1d20 + 7 ⇒ (13) + 7 = 20
Damage 1d6 + 4 ⇒ (5) + 4 = 9 plus trip

Mukluk is momentarily lifted off the deck and held in the worg's powerful jaws, and then tossed aside as the beast tries to focus on Snorg.

Mukluk, you are prone but 10 feet away from the worg, out of reach of its jaws for now.

Suddenly, the furry beast speaks in a loud, growling voice.

STOP! Ur used to biting swamp goblins, not fierce shooters and magics. Ur never like Vorka much anyways. Grrrr...If you give Ur life...Ur will let goblin ride Ur's back.

Vorka has big box with sky booms...Ur can carry to goblin home. Ur not die for bad tooth goblin eater Vorka.

Ur seems to be offering his services as a mount in return for sparing his life. He won't be much use against Vorka, but could be very useful in transporting heavy treasure and the like.


"You lucky Snorg is Mighty Chosen One of Monster Mother. It now obvious to Snorg that he couldn't hit you because Monster Mother knew you make be good monster for her Chosen One. And one hit from Snorg kills anyfing. You wait here to carry stuff. Eat whatever you want. Vorka not going to be needing it soon."


Confused with respect for the worg that almost ended him both due to its combat abilities and its surrendering (and more than a little out of it due to the massive wound he just sustained), Mukluk is at a loss for words for the time being. Other goblins would be wise to appreciate the silence!

Incidentally, who picked up those cure mod potions?


Game Master

Mukluk, you can assume that you have at least one healing potion from the loot you picked up in the spider lair.

As the worg Ur stoically walks to the other side of the galley, it turns and speaks once more before slumping in a heap to recover from its wounds.

"Vorka has nasty trap set in hall. Look well."

The only doorway in this area leads north into another dimly lit hall, and your goblin dark vision can make out the outline of a closed door about 30 feet away.


Snorg peers down the trapped hallway. "Someone else go first. I think it safe."


Snorg's voice brings Mukluk out of his stupor. He then remembers that he grabbed a potion that he heard makes smart goblins feel better after they fight dogs much bigger than they. He drinks it and feels like a totally new goblin.

Potion of Cure Moderate Wounds: 2d8 + 3 ⇒ (4, 7) + 3 = 14

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