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We Be Goblins! (Inactive)

Game Master FuriousPhil

Pathfinder module designed for 4 1st-level goblin characters.


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Game Master

You are goblins of the Licktoad tribe, who live deep in Brinestump Marsh, south of the hated man-town called Sandpoint. Once, other goblins tried to burn Sandpoint down, and they would have been legends if they had succeeded. But they didn't bring enough fire, and got themselves killed as a result.

Yesterday, your tribe discovered that one of your own had been using forbidden arts and was engaged in one of the greatest of taboos - writing things down. In fact, rumor holds that what he was writing was a history of your tribe! There's no swifter way to bring about bad luck than stealing words out of your mind by writing them down, and so your tribe had no choice. You branded the goblin's face with letters to punish him, which is why everybody calls him Scribbleface now, and then you ran him out of town, took all his stuff, and burned down his hut.

That's where things got interesting, because before you all burned down his hut, Chief Gutwad found a weird box within the building. Inside was a map and a lot of fireworks - fireworks that immediately came to use in burning the hut down. Then, this morning, Gutwad announced that tonight there would be a feast in order to drive out any lingering bad luck from Scribbleface's poor decisions. But perhaps even more exciting, all of you have been secretly invited to meet at Chief Gutwad's Moot House. Why would the chief want to speak to you? It can only mean that he's got an important mission for you all...one that the other goblins of the tribe couldn't pull off. This could be your chance to go down in Licktoad history!

Gutwad's duly appointed advisor Slorb has rounded you up from whatever you were doing in the Licktoad village, and you now stand before the Moot House, impatiently awaiting Slorb's invitation that you are allowed to enter.

Use this opportunity to introduce yourselves to your fellow Licktoads, brag about how great you are, or pick that stuff out from between your toes that's been bugging you for the last week.


A short goblin with yucky, greasy stuff that passes for hair paces around impatiently. He's wearing a patchwork of clothing from various nearby cultures, though perhaps what's most noticeable is his big, wide head. It's big even by goblin standards. Around his waist is a belt he's constructed of shells, leaves, and other such things. His pants look decidedly nicer, and are not of patchwork fabrics. Maybe he stole them from a halfling or a gnome. He speaks, his voice shrill and creaky.

Me Mukluk, smartest goblin! Mukluk want know why Slorb bring us to Chief Gutwad! And why all you small heads? Small heads mean goblin not smart. Chief Gutwad surely want speak to smart goblins!

As he talks, he continues pacing impatiently. He notices something icky and green in between his toes and picks it out. He tastes it, his face immediately souring. He tosses it down.

Not licktoad! Not licktoad at all.


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Female Goblin Witch 1

Ekklub is also short - yes, she's a goblin, but even for a goblin she's short. She wears dirty rags, and a big black rat (remarkably well-fed) scampers after her. She grins, toothily and horribly, at Mukluk's speech.

"Ekklub has knowing of secrets. Ekklub and Big Mucky not need big head for big power. Ekklub strong inside, with fire."

The scrawny woman's voice is resonant and fervent, with strong overtones of fanaticism.


The thing that set Mixly apart from the other goblins was here variety of torn leather straps that held various flasks and bottles close to her bottles, although they were usually hollowed out fungi and other assorted nicknacks and doodads.

"I Mixly, and I smartest goblin, not Mukluk! Big head is big ego, but I Mixly am actually smart."


Mukluk doesn't take well to being insulted. His eyes go wide and his voice increases in volume and octave.

Oh yeah? Prove you smart goblin! Mukluk knows he smart because he fight big people and win! What Mixly do that make her so smart? And what are those mushrooms and things you has? Are they to eat? Mukluk hungry!


Game Master

Slorb, the overdressed and overweight advisor to the chief, seems to ignore the three of you for the time being.

"Where is goblin scout, Nergul? I told him chief needs to see him quick, he better not be coming late!" Slorb says, rapping a wooden staff against the ground.


"I make mini fireworks in here! Throw this and it goes BOOOM! Chief needs expert yeast on booms."


Female Goblin Witch 1

Ekklub looks at Slorb, squinting horribly.

"Nergul always slow," she says. "Nergul not needs help to look like stupid goblin."


Male Goblin Ranger (guide) 1

Stumbling over his own feet, poor Nergul came to a tumbling halt at the foot of the Moot House. Standing up, and dusting his ragged animal hide clothing as best he could, the intimidated fellow began.

"Er, uh, me am Nergul? Yes, YES! Me AM Nergul. Nergul Thumbsplitter, clan guide to all things swampy. But uh... me am also late? Nah, Nergul not late. Nergul fas.. fash.. fashable late! Right? Maybe? Sort of..."

The rather tall goblin did his best to make himself as small as possible in front of the collection of other goblins that were obviously waiting impatiently for him to arrive.


Mukluk glances quizzically at Mixly, squinting. Expert yeast on booms? What you say? I know words but not how you put them in sentence!


Game Master

The high pitched voice of the overdressed and pompus advisor sounds shrill and unpleasant (even to goblin ears) as he addresses you. "Slorb says you may enter Moot House now! Show respect to His Mighty Girthness Chief Rendwattle Gutwad!"

As you enter the Moot House, you see the chief perched high atop the Teeter Chair, a six foot high contraption made of grey wood and bent nails, and has various small preserved animals hanging from it. Leather cords with various objects tied to them hang from it as well, and perched on top is a well-fed goblin who looks a lot richer than you. It's the chief of the Licktoads, Gutwad. Amazingly, he starts to speak to you directly! You are all very surprised that his voice doesn't knock you over with its power. Instead, a gravelly voice addresses you, puncuated with spittle and phlegm.

"You all be heroes. Each of you. You are best Licktoads but for me. And maybe for Slorb. That you aren't fleeing in terror from mighty sound of my voice is all the proof you should need. Yet soon, all Licktoad goblins will know your might, for I have picked you for a dangerous mission."

"You know about fireworks and map we found in Scribbleface's hut. Fireworks were fun! But map is more fun. It shows route to place near the coast where Scribbleface found fireworks. And map says there are more fireworks there!"

"I want them for Licktoads. You all go get them tomorrow. Tonight we have big bonfire to burn bad luck away from you, and we play many games. Much fun. Tomorrow, you fetch me fireworks. If you meet men, you make them dead. If you meet dogs, you make them dead. If you meet horses, you make them dead. If you meet Lotslegs Eat Goblin Babies Many, you maybe should run. And if you not find fireworks, you not come back or we feed you to Squealy Nord!"

Chief Gutwad waves his hand, and Slorb escorts you from the Moot House. Slorb gives you the map to the fireworks cache, then tells you to get lost.

The map is realtively simple, showing little more that the Licktoad village, the old shipwreck on the coast that supposedly contains the fireworks, and the creek that runs between the two locations. By following the creek, you should be able to easily reach the old wreck in half a day.

You can spend the afternoon however you wish, sharing what local knowledge you may know about Brinestump Marsh, and some of the more scary things you might want to avoid. Succesful Knowledge (local, nature) checks (OK if untrained) will reveal what each of you know about the marsh and the route to the fireworks. The bonfire will start at sundown, along with a festival of sorts.


Mukluk tries to recall what he knows about Brinestump Marsh (he is smartest goblin, he should know at least a little).

Knowledge (local): 1d20 + 1 ⇒ (8) + 1 = 9
Knowledge (nature): 1d20 + 1 ⇒ (1) + 1 = 2

After searching his memory, he gets bored of thinking. He goes to find some toads to lick to try to refresh his memory. His pupils dilate and he starts giggling a lot while running around crazily. Lick toad! Lick toad! Lick toads! Mukluk lick toads. Do you lick toads?

Evidently Mukluk isn't as smart as he likes to think. I wish I could use my gamescience dice.


Male Goblin Ranger (guide) 1

Nergul stands behind the rest, using his height to peer over their shoulders at the crudely drawn map. He begins to idlely paw at a pesky flee nibbling at his elbow as he recalls what he knows of the area.

Knowledge (nature) 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (4) + 4 = 8
Knowledge (local) 1d20 ⇒ 13

"Nergul not like that marsh much. Me am always avoiding it for some reason..."


Game Master

Nergul:
There are plenty of giant bugs in the swamp, but of late, the giant spider known as Lotslegs Eat Goblin Babies Many (known more simply as "Lotslegs") is the most notorious. The giant spider lives somewhere in the marsh between the Licktoad village and the coast.

Mukluk:
You know that there are good toads for licking that live in the marsh. Where, you're not exactly sure.


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Male Goblin Ranger (guide) 1

Flicking a rather large and bloated flee from the folds of his furs, Nergul studied the critter momentarily, before crushing it under foot... and noticing it's multiple legs.

One eye widened while the other squinted into a slit as the realization set in.

"Nergul remembers why he avoids buggy marsh." The goblin paused for a moment, letting an ample supply of bile build in his mouth before spitting it out and onto the ground, allowing the word "Lotslegs" escape from his crusted lips as he did.


Female Goblin Witch 1

Ekklub stares intently at her rat. "Big Mucky will protect Ekklub. Swamp not terrifying. Swamp damp and squishy though, and Ekklub not like wet. Things not burn well in wet."

She grimaces as she tries to recall what she knows...

Local, untrained: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (13) + 2 = 15
Nature, untrained: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (13) + 2 = 15


Game Master

Ekklub:
You remember that the area near the wreck is also the rumored territory of one of the greatest terrors of the swamp (at least to Licktoads) - the goblin cannibal Vorka. Legend tells that she was once the wife of a Licktoad chieftain, whom she murdered and ate - as well as several other goblins, before she was driven out of town many years ago.

You've also heard rumors that men-folk talk about a "Soggy River Monster", but you have also heard other rumors that the men folk are probably just making things up so goblins run away and don't try to burn their town down again.


"I must know way more than all of you!"

Nature: 1d20 + 6 ⇒ (14) + 6 = 20
Local: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (18) + 2 = 20


Game Master

Mixly:
There are plenty of giant bugs in the swamp, but of late, the giant spider known as Lotslegs Eat Goblin Babies Many (known more simply as "Lotslegs") is the most notorious. The giant spider lives in the marsh between the Licktoad village and the coast - if you follow the creek to the coast and to the shipwreck full of fireworks, you realize you will almost certainly be travelling through the spider's territory.

You remember that the area near the wreck is also the territory of one of the greatest terrors of the swamp (at least to Licktoads) - the goblin cannibal Vorka. Legend tells that she was once the wife of a Licktoad chieftain, whom she murdered and ate - as well as several other goblins, before she was driven out of town many years ago.

You've heard rumors that men-folk talk about a "Soggy River Monster", but you have also heard other rumors that the men-folk are probably just making things up so goblins run away and don't try to burn their town down again. You've also heard about a witch named Old Megus who may still live to the southwest, on a path the men-folk call Witch's Walk. A strange half-man lives on an island in the swamp, and has many poisonous snakes he keeps as pets.


Game Master

The goblins of the village have been toiling all afternoon to build the bonfire for the Bad Luck Begone So To Get Fireworks festival out of branches, sticks, and unburnt timbers from Scribbleface's hut. As night falls, a group of four struggling goblins carry the Teeter Chair (with Chief Gutwad sitting on top of it) out to the bonfire pile. The chief lights the fire with a choice firework he's been saving for the occasion. As he lights the tube, four bright flaming "candles" shoot out of it, almost blinding all of you and the goblins lingering around the bonfire pile. The wood immediately starts to smolder, then bursts into flame. The Chief motions to another group of goblins, who pull a dirty tarp off a barrel of Feel Good Headache apples, which are offered to you first! A group of singing goblins star bring out crude trays filled with good things to eat - wriggly snails, seared fish steaks, and snakes on pointy sticks.


Mukluk samples some of everything, and is curious about the Feel Good Headache apples, considering their name. But something is missing...

Where drink? Mukluk need drink to go with yummy snails and fish and snakes! He belches and goes to get more food.


Male Goblin Ranger (guide) 1

Nergul huffed slightly at the thought of the giant spider. Already this was beginning to look like a fool's errand. A pity Nergul wasn't smart enough to figure a way out for himself.

"Drink sound good. Me not want to be right in head when gobbies set foot in Lotslegs' swamp."


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Game Master

You watch as a goblin with a dirty, stained apron takes a gigantic wooden ladle and dips it into the barrel holding the Feel Good Headache apples. He ladles out what looks like some very ripe hard cider into four battered tankards, making sure a nice fermented (probably rotten) apple is floating in each cup. He sings a little song as he serves up the drinks.

"Goblin heroes drink, drink, drink/Drink so much can hardly think!/Eat the apples core and all/For Bad Luck Begone Festi-val!"


Female Goblin Witch 1

Ekklub grabs the cup, and holds it out for the rat to sample first. The big grubby creature puts its front paws on the rim of the mug, leans in, wobbles, and then sinks its filthy snout into the drink. It emerges, sputtering, and scuttles off somewhere to remove the stuff from its whiskers.

Ekklub grins.

"Shows it good drink."


Mukluk takes a good, long drink of the cider, almost getting more on his face and hands than down his gullet. Good stuff! What more we have do tonight besides eat and drink? Eat and drink are good but can't eat and drink forever else get bored!


Game Master

Mukluk - The goblins that brought out the tasty food approach you with a big wicker basket. Yumuk, a goblin wearing a floppy and dirty once-white hat says "You eat real good, other goblin cooks all say so. So we bring you something hard to eat, see how good you do then!" he says, pulling a cloth off the top of the wicker basket. In the basket is a bag filled with black bull slugs the size of sausages. "You think you eat real good? If you eat bull slugs fast, you prove you best eater in Licktoad tribe!" he says with a toothy grin. "Don't eat slime bladder though, spit out! Maybe you not feel so good if not. Slorb tell us chief give you Gorge of Gluttons slicer if you do good. So do good!"

You must eat five bull slugs in under a minute. Make five DC 15 Fortitude checks (DC 10 if you don't spit out the slime bladders - however, opting for the easier check means you have to make a final DC 15 Fortitude save with a cumulative -1 penalty for every DC 10 save you made). It takes ten seconds to eat a slug if you spit out the slime bladder, but only six seconds if you don't. If you fail a DC 15 save, you have 5 additional seconds to make the next save. If you fail a DC 10 save, it still takes an additonal 6 seconds to make the next one. You can make these saves one at a time using the preview button, and then noting after each save how much time has gone by. This was the best compromise I could come up for this timed challenge in a play by post!


Staring into the basket, Mukluk nods eagerly. Mukluk best eater! I eat slugs with slime! Faster that way, save time! Mukluk tough.

I think I got the numbers right? I might be counting wrong, but as I only made 9 saves I think I got it.

DC 15 Fortitude: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (15) + 3 = 18
6 seconds
DC 15 Fortitude: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (12) + 3 = 15
12 seconds
DC 15 Fortitude: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (3) + 3 = 6
17 seconds
DC 15 Fortitude: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (19) + 3 = 22
23 seconds
DC 15 Fortitude: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (6) + 3 = 9
28 seconds
DC 15 Fortitude: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (9) + 3 = 12
33 seconds
DC 15 Fortitude: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (20) + 3 = 23
39 seconds
DC 15 Fortitude: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (8) + 3 = 11
44 seconds
DC 15 Fortitude: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (18) + 3 = 21
50 seconds

The short, eager goblin grabs two slugs and downs them one after another. Chomping down the first two, Mukluk grins and yells This easy! Mukluk done this in half minute! but the third seems a bit tougher to get down. The crowd notices he's not spitting anything out, and is just chowing down on slugs wholesale. He starts to stumble on the fourth, choking more than before, but finally gets it all the way down. The fifth gives him a little trouble, but he lets out a guttural roar and forces himself to swallow. It disappears down his gullet and he raises his little arms and bounces up and down.

Mukluk best eater! Now must wash down slugs with drink! He buries his face in the hard cider again.

I can only imagine how many penalties to his stats he's going to have tomorrow...

Edit: Added 6 when I should have added 5, I think, which takes the total time down by 1s


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Game Master

I was a little worried how that would all work, but it looks like it worked out pretty well! Nice work, Mukluk!

Yumuk, the goblin cook and his entourage, are all suitably impressed by Mukluk's disgusting display. They laugh and chitter until Slorb approaches, holding aloft a "fancy" looking dogslicer.

"Truly Mukluk has shown that he will do stupid - I mean brave and having courage things for Licktoad tribe. Chief says you can use this slicer, called Gorge of Gluttons, in your very important quest for explodey fireworks! Don't lose it and bring back, or Gorge of Gluttons will cut your big head off! Not realizing this makes no sense, Slorb hands over the slicer to Mukluk.

The assembled goblins "ooh" and "aah" until somebody (maybe Mukluk) lets out a loud belch, and they scatter, laughing ecstatically.

The Gorge of Gluttons is a +1 dogslicer that functions as a bane weapon when utilized against horses (improving to a +3 dogslicer that inflicts an additional 2d6 points of damage on a successful hit).


Game Master

Ekklub - A goblin with two missing ears approaches you. "So, you chief's big hero goblins, eh? Gurbul Dogears not think so. You think you escape bestest? So did Gurbul, until nasty junk pile dog bite off ear. I put knife in dog stomach, try to get ear back! Dog bit Gurbul too hard, so Gurbul try to escape! Gurbul lose other ear in junk pile, but he escape good! You think you good at escaping? Gurbul dare you to go in Rusty Earbiter!

He motions to a strange contraption that several goblins are carrying out from behind the Moot House. It looks like a giant coil of barbed wire, broken sword points, and other pointy things. The chief immediately starts shaking his fists in the air and pointing at you! Slorb says "You get through Rusty Earbiter, Chief give you Personal Very Useful Robe That is Useful!" Many of the other goblins "ooh" and "aah" at this very special prize. "You have to give back when done finding fireworks though, robe is just too useful." There is a patch of greasy mud and lard from the cooking pots nearby where the goblins have drug the Rusty Earbiter contraption.

You must crawl through the Rusty Earbiter. There's no time limit, but the faster the better! Climbing through the Earbiter requires a series of three successful DC 15 Escape Artist checks. If you fail the check, you must keep trying until you succeed for that attempt. If you fail more than three times, the goblins will get bored, throw rocks at you and wander off, and Slorb probably won't give you the Very Useful Robe That Is Useful. Each failed check causes 1d4-2 points of damage (a result of less than 1 indicates no damage).


Male Goblin Ranger (guide) 1

Nergul took the cup with a wicked grin etched to his wretched face. He drank heartly from the cider, his tongue lashing out at the rotted apple as he drank.

He watched on in bewilderment as Mukluk garbled down the slugs. But his real attention turned to the Rusty Earbiter. Finding a nearby goblin who was watching on, Nergul quickly elbowed them with a snicker "Him not going to make it. Want bet?" Nergul guzzles heavily from his cider, grinning wickedly as the event begins.


Game Master

The elbowed goblin looks at Nergul, and shrugs. "He a she. How much Feel Good Headache Apple Juice you drink?"

The goblin pulls out a jar of something white and rancid smelling and rubs it on its skin. The smell is like bacon grease that went bad a while back. "Good for pleckshun! Also good for squirming in tight spots. Also good repellant for talky goblins."

A large female goblin with huge eyes and a barely concealed wooden cudgel behind her back seems to be looking at Nergul from the other side of the bonfire. She also seems to be smiling and nodding with a group of about half a dozen goblins, who all have various strange apparel - leather headbands with broken spectacle lenses hanging from them, broken telescopes, and one even has two rusty tin funnels shoved in his nostrils.


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Male Goblin Ranger (guide) 1

Nergul gagged slightly at the revelation. "How you tell? Me thought she was just less ugly than most." Mindlessly he pulled the rotted apple from his cup and began to chew on it, anticipating the fun that the Rusty Earbiter was going to be, when he noticed the half dozen eyes boring tiny holes into his soul. With an odd, drunken and crooked smirk, Nergul began to make his way around the bonfire and towards the group.


Female Goblin Witch 1

Ekklub stares haughtily at Gurbul Dogears.

"Ekklub walk in and out like proud hero goblin!" she proclaims. She suits actions to words, getting most of the way through the contraption without even a scratch. Unfortunately, proud hero goblins are liable to get cocky, and Ekklub is no exception. She turns to her audience, grinning, and waves - but then her sleeve catches on a protrusion, she wobbles, and falls into some rusty wire. That doesn't cause her much of a problem: she sniggers and walks on, taking a nasty scratch on one arm but emerging the other side with even more of a swagger than when she entered.

"Now Gurbul Dogears do challenge!" she shouts.

Escape Artist 1: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (17) + 3 = 20
Escape Artist 2: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (15) + 3 = 18
Escape Artist 3: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (9) + 3 = 12
Damage: 1d4 - 2 ⇒ (2) - 2 = 0
Escape Artist 4: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (11) + 3 = 14
Damage 2: 1d4 - 2 ⇒ (3) - 2 = 1
Escape Artist 5: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (18) + 3 = 21


Game Master

Nice job making it through the Rusty Earbiter, Ekklub!

Gurbul Dogears looks a little taken aback. He quickly puts his hands to where his ears used to be. "Gurbul not want to lose ears again - Gurbul have...something else to do right now." He runs off, grunting, not realizing that not having any external ears anymore, he would actually have little to fear in that respect.

Slorb presents you with the Chief's Personal Very Useful Robe That Is Useful. He drapes it over your shoulders, while the other goblins, of course, "ooh" and "aah" at your amazing performance and great fortune. As soon as you put on the robe, four patches appear.

This is a robe of useful items that has only four patches left - an extending wooden ladder (24 ft.), a three legged turtle, a horseshoe, and a bullhorn.


More than a little drunk (more than a lot drunk, in fact), Mukluk does what he can to cheer excitedly for Ekklub. He holds up his new dog slicer and cheers, looking for the next challenge of the evening. The display of pride is interrupted by a large belch and a less gaseous expulsion from his mouth that looks like a combination of slime and apple.

We feed this humans and dogs we find!


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Game Master

Nergul - The large female goblin with enormous eyes comes up to you. "Sometimes in Brinestump, nasty monsters try to eat you. Sometimes you fight, sometimes you die. Better to hide than to die! Maybe come back with more goblins, set big monster on fire maybe?" she says, nodding emphatically. "Licktoads know how to hide - you big hero now, you hide good? Neklub not think so. Neklub dare you to hide so we not find you! If we find you, get clubbed! Much fun for us - maybe not so much for you if no hide good." Neklub pulls a huge wooden club from behind her back.

"Hide or Be Clubbed! Hide or be Clubbed!" Other goblins take up the chant, including the chief, who is banging a piece of wood against the Teeter Chair. Slorb proclaims "If no goblin finds hero in swamp, hero gets magical Ring That Lets You Climb Real Good from chief! Well, at least loan you ring."

As you rush off into the marsh, the goblins all cover their eyes, and count to various numbers, 10, 12, 8, eleventy, toesies, so on. Some of them start singing as they come after you, and you can hear them even as you are hiding.

"Hide or be Clubbed is best goblin game/You hide or get clubbed, we smash in your brain!/If you hide real good, we won't whack you with stick/and maybe get ring that let you climb real quick!

This is the goblin version of hide and seek. You must rush off into the marsh without any weapons and find a good hiding spot. Make a Stealth check (make sure you add +4 for being small). There are 1d10 ⇒ 4 goblins looking for you, but since they have been drinking from the Feel Good Headache Apple Juice barrel, they will all be making Perception checks at a -1 penalty. Good luck!


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Male Goblin Ranger (guide) 1

Nergul spends a long moment considering the challenge. He nods to the female, strutting off into the swamp, whistling a horrible tune, with nothing but his cup of cider. Striding along for a good while, Nergul finally finds a spot he'd used once before to hide from humans, and rather leasurely crawls into the rotted tree trunk. After properly securing himself, Nergul leaned back and relaxed.

Stealth 1d20 + 18 ⇒ (8) + 18 = 26


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Game Master

I'm just going to forgo the dice rolling, since it's mathematically impossible for any of the Perception checks to succeed!

The goblins stumble around aimlessly, trying to find one of the sneakiest and stealthiest Licktoad goblins. After ten minutes of no success, Neklub starts to get angry, and starts clubbing the other goblins who are looking for Nergul. In the fracas, one of the goblins manages to grab the cudgel, and uses it to bash Neklub's face. Neklub is knocked out cold, and the game seems to have turned into just "Be Clubbed" which seems to suit everyone just as well.

Later, as you make your way back to the festivities, Slorb presents you with the Ring That Lets You Climb Real Good. "Who put Neklub in charge of Hide or Be Clubbed?" he says to no one in particular. "She terrible. At least she got clubbed."

The Ring That Lets You Climb Real Good is a ring of climbing that continually grants the wearer a +5 competence bonus on Climb checks.


Game Master

As the night continues on, the goblins of the Licktoad tribe continue to get more and more drunk, and several have begun to nod off. However, those who are still awake have gathered near a fenced in area.

Mixly - A corpulent and somewhat drunk goblin named Slopgot approaches you. "So you big goblin hero, brave goblin of Licktoads, huh? Me think you not be so brave. Me think you coward, really. So what do? Maybe you dance with Squealy Nord over there, and me not think you such a coward." he says, grinning maniacally. "Squealy Nord is evil omen demon pig, eat dead goblins, so you not fall off, okay!" The other goblins overhear him, and start singing:

Goblin heroes well and good / Starting fires made from wood / Licktoad goblins getting bored / See goblin hero ride Squealy Nord!
This turns into chanting: "Squealy Nord! Squealy Nord! Ride the pig and win the gourd!"

Slorb approaches holding a stoppered gourd aloft "Slorb, advisor to chief, say chief be much amused by this dare. Give hero Dragon Brew Gourd so can breathe fire real good. Just like dragon!"

You must ride the piglet Squealy Nord! This requires you to spend 18 seconds (3 rounds) riding on the piglet's back - the pig is tethered, then released into the fenced pit from a narrow corral with you on its back. A DC 15 Ride check is required each round to stay on Nord's back as he races about. With a failed check, you are thrown off and take 1d3 points of damage if you fail a DC 10 Reflex save.


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Game Master

OK, let's keep it going then.

Mixly:

Ride 1d20 + 8 ⇒ (9) + 8 = 17
Ride 1d20 + 8 ⇒ (1) + 8 = 9
Reflex Save1d20 + 6 ⇒ (20) + 6 = 26

Mixly almost bails off Squealy Nord, but shows amazing tenacity and not falling all the way off. She is able to somehow slide around and get back up onto the back of the angry piglet.

Ride 1d20 + 8 ⇒ (7) + 8 = 15
Ride 1d20 + 8 ⇒ (9) + 8 = 17

The hooting and hollering dies down as Mixly nimbly jumps from the piglets back and quickly scurries out of the fenced in area. Slorb presents her with the Dragon Brew Gourd.

The Dragon Brew Gourd is a weak elixir of fire breath, which bestows upon the drinker the ability to spit gouts of flame. They can breath fire up to three times, each time dealing 2d6 points of fire damage to a single target up to 25 feet away. The victim can attempt a DC 13 Reflex save for half damage. Unused blasts of fire dissipate 1 hour after the liquid is consumed.


Game Master

With the challenges and the dares over, many of the Likctoad tribe goblins are either too drunk, too tired, or too injured to continue. The bonfire eventually dies down, and you all either retire to your makeshift huts, or simply collapse where you last were.

As the next morning arrives, your goblin metabolism tries its best to stave off the effects off the Feel Good Headache apple juice, and you now all have some idea why they call it that.

DM:

Mukluk - Fortitude Save 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (11) + 3 = 14
Nergul - Fortitude Save 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (19) + 3 = 22
Ekklub - Fortitude Save 1d20 + 1 ⇒ (8) + 1 = 9

After some good wretching and vomiting, you feel really pretty good, considering.

You all avoided being sickened for 24 hours by the hard cider. Good thing, too.

You have one last opportunity to make preparations, ask questions of the other goblins in the village, remember to bring that lucky doll's head with no eyes, etc. before you head out of the village to find the creek that leads to the coast.


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Male Goblin Ranger (guide) 1

Shaking off the blur of last night, Nergul gathers up his things and moves to the edge of the village. Taking a long moment to admire it, he slowly fixes the ring onto his finger. He giggles sinisterly for a moment and he feels the magic wash over him. He exhales deeply, a toothy grin plastered on his gruesome face.

"Nergul wonders if he should just leave and sell ring for handsome treasures...", he shrugs. "Maybe me wind up dead too."

Nergul stands ready.


Female Goblin Witch 1

Ekklub makes sure she has her trusty stick - for hitting things with; her sling - for hitting things with further away; and is feeling sufficiently grumpy to put the Evil Eye on things - to stop them hitting her.

The hangover, mild though it is, really helps with the grumpiness.

She puts on her new robe - not planning to think of it as borrowed, even if technically that's what the chief would say - and swaggers down to meet the others. The grand entrance is somewhat spoiled when she trips over the edge of the robe, rolls in a ball of cloth down the muddy street, and ends up sitting nose-to-nose with her giant rat.

"Ekklub meant to do that!" she states defiantly, in one of the most obvious lies even a goblin has told.

Ready!


Mukluk wakes with a headache that's going to make him even more surly and brash than usual. He dons his chain shirt and gets his flail and fancy new dogslicer. Making sure there's nothing yucky between his toes, he also puts on his lucky bear fur. He thinks of how he'll conquer the things he finds on his journey.

If horse: make fall down go boom, cut up with dogslicer. If dog: make fall down go boom, cut up with dogslicer. If human: make fall down go boom, beat with spikes on ball on metal on stick. If can't trip: make Nergul fight. Then take credit.

He strides proudly out to meet everyone else before the adventure. If any ask to see the fancy dogslicer, he says he will bring back dogs and horses and people, chopped into itty bitty little pieces, small enough to put in stew. Talking about this makes him hungry, and he gnaws on whatever he can find.


Game Master

As you gather at the front gate of the village, a hungover looking Slorb rushes up to meet you with a bundle carried under his arm.

"Chief Gutwad busy right now - probably eating. Said to bring you these, so you can get more fireworks.

As he rolls the canvas cloth out on the ground, you see a nice selection of fireworks from Scribbleface's stash, before he was ran out of town. The bundle contains two Desnan candles, four paper candles, and a skyrocket.

"Careful with fire around fireworks, or goblins explode, and not get fireworks chief wants. He ties up the bag with a old leather cord, and hurries back to the village. "Don't screw up!" he yells.

Fireworks Stats:

Desnan candle - when lit, launches a flaming pyrotechnic every round for 4 rounds. Deals 1 point of nonlethal damage and 1 point of fire damage if it hits; on a critical hit, the target is also blinded for one round.

Paper Candles - an explosive that detonates loudly 1 round after lighting. Anyone in close proximity when it does so must make a DC 15 Fort save or be dazzled for 1d4 rounds.

Skyrocket - When lit, emits a shower of sparks - 1 round after it launches in the air with a fly speed of 90 for 1d6 rounds before exploding, dealing 2d6 points of fire damage in a ten-foot burst. Anyone who takes damage is either blinded or deafened (50% chance of either) for 1 round.

You easily find the southern bank of the creek, and set out into the marsh, finding it fairly difficult to navigate, with some areas of deep water you need to go around, as well as some patches of stinging nettles. Still, it's nothing that a Licktoad goblin isn't used to, living in Brinestump.

As you reach a particularly thick area of vegetation, you start to notice something sticky, stringy and white hanging from some of the trees.


Male Goblin Ranger (guide) 1

Nergul had been rather chipper for most of the trip. Surprisingly, he'd dodging the worse of whatever hangover those horrid apples could have given him, he'd spent most of the day admiring the magical ring that adorned his grubby finger. It was when they reached the marsh that Nergul began to loose his bubbly mood.

As the group reached the thick area of vegetation, his paranoia peeked. Quickly the little goblin had his weapon in hand, muttering under his breath some undiscernable curse. When he noticed the sticky material hanging from the tree, he took a long moment to examine it from afar.

"Nergul think we're in heap big trouble..."

Knowledge (nature) on the sticky stuff 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (3) + 4 = 7


Game Master

Nergul:

They're spider webs. It's too hard to tell if they're new or old, or if a a spider lair is nearby.


Game Master

You continue on slowly through the dense growth. More stringy stuff seems to be hanging from some of the trees.

Everything in this area of the swamp feels very close and stifling. As you make your way through the rotting tree-falls, and ground ferns, you emerge in a clearing with more dense growth all around.

DM:

Mukluk Perception 1d20 - 1 ⇒ (8) - 1 = 7
Nergul Perception 1d20 + 1 ⇒ (2) + 1 = 3
Ekklub Perception 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (3) + 2 = 5
Lotslegs Stealth 1d20 + 7 ⇒ (11) + 7 = 18
Lotslegs Surprise Round
Lotslegs To Hit (vs. Flat-footed) Bite:1d20 + 2 ⇒ (3) + 2 = 5
Target (1-5 Ekklub, 6-10 Mukluk, 11-15 Mixly 16-20 Nergul) 1d20 ⇒ 9
Lotslegs Initiative 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (19) + 3 = 22

Mukluk:

A huge spider has snuck up behind and has tried to bite you! It's clicking mandibles only managed to grab some of your clothing, but it looks like it's ready for a fight. The rest of your party did not seem to hear it approach.


Male Goblin Ranger (guide) 1

Nergul mindlessly chops at some of the webbing, testing it's strength, completely ignorant of what was transpiring behind him.

"Might be Lotsleg territory. Not nice place to be. Probably should be picking up pace."


Letting out a huge screech, Mukluk turns around and readies his dogslicer. Spider! Spi-der! Big big spider! Try eat me! Kill it dead! Maybe not eat it, probably no taste good. Kill it!

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