This is an experimental House rules play-test with the iconic characters.
Valeros, Fighter (two-weapon fighter) 1.
Seoni, Sorcerer (Arcane Tattooed sorcerer) 1
Merisiel, Elf Rogue 1
Kyra, Human Cleric 1
Rawr!
Ezren, Human Wizard 1
Amiri, Human Barbarian 1
Having spent the day lounging about and enjoying the festival, suddenly a sharp retort, like the crack of distant thunder, slices through the excited crowd as the sun’s setting rays paint the western sky.
A stray dog that has crawled under a nearby wagon to sleep starts awake, and the buzz of two dozen conversations quickly hushes as all heads turn toward the central podium, where a beaming Father Zantus has taken the stage. He clears his throat, takes a breath to speak when suddenly a woman’s scream slices through the air. Nervous confusion lingers for a moment, then another scream rises, and another. Beyond them, a sudden surge of strange new voices rises — high-pitched, tittering shrieks that sound not quite human.
The crowd moves apart as something low to the ground races by, giggling with disturbing glee as the stray dog gives a pained yelp and then darts away under a wagon. The raucous sound of a strange song begins, chanted from shrill, scratchy voices.
"Goblins tyggja og goblins bíta.
Goblins skera og goblins berjast.
Stakk hundinn og skar hestinn,
Goblins borða og taka með valdi!
Goblins kapp og goblins stökk
Goblins rista og goblins högg.
Brenndu húðina og maukaðu höfuðið,
Goblins hér og þú verður dauður!
Elta barnið, ná unganum.
Taktu höfuðið til að þegja það.
Bein verða sprungin, hold holdið,
Við verðum goblins! Þú ert matur!"
Three creatures standing barely three feet tall, their scrawny, humanoid bodies dwarfed by their wide, ungainly heads come around a cart from where they were hiding. They wear dirty leather armor and brandish sharp, jagged hole-filled knives.
You understand the goblin language, as they sing:
The Goblin Song
"Goblins chew and goblins bite.
Goblins cut and goblins fight.
Stab the dog and cut the horse,
Goblins eat and take by force!
Goblins race and goblins jump
Goblins slash and goblins bump.
Burn the skin and mash the head,
Goblins here and you be dead!
Chase the baby, catch the pup.
Bonk the head to shut it up.
Bones be cracked, flesh be stewed,
We be goblins! You be food"
Amiri 3+5=8 FAIL
Ezren 15+2=17 SUCCESS
Merisiel 14+7=21 SUCCESS
Sajan 1+5=6 FAIL
Seoni 9+3=12 SUCCESS
Valeros 6-1=5 FAIL
Goblin 3 20+6=26
Goblin 2 17+6=23
Merisiel 10+3=13
Ezren 11-1=10
Goblin 1 2+6=8
Seoni 3+1=4
With a screech of excitement a goblin that is not wearing pants run over to the edge of the well in the square, and peers into it, its little green backside hanging out for the world to admire.
One of the other goblins, this one coughing every other second, runs into a tent nearby, sending the patrons inside screaming and running.
Goblin 3 (backside) 50% chance to be distracted. Roll under to attack, over to be distracted. 85%. It moves 20 ft. and looks down a well.
Goblin 2 (coughing) 50% chance to be distracted. 59%. It moves 20 ft. into a tent.
"Goblins!" Merisiel yells to the townsfolk.
"It's stabbing time!" she mutters to herself, as she draws her rapier, a grin on her face.
If they weren't already running, they are now. People scream and high tail it in every direction, panicking and running into each other.
Ezren closes his eyes, and breaths deeply, before moving his hands up together in a rising motion in front of him, drops of blue light falling from his fingertips.
The motes of light draw the outline of a breastplate around Ezren's body as he pulls a small bit of leather from his pouch for a moment before the light fades almost completely from sight.
"Looks like a gang. Let's hope there aren't any more of them!"
Catching sight of Ezren doing magic, the third goblin grows excited and points, running towards the party.
Seoni's tattoos flair just a little as she focuses her magical energy.
Seoni finishes off her spell as her companions who were unaware spring into action!
The bare-bottomed goblin turns around with a hiss and runs at Amiri!
Valeros draws his weapons, rushing over to help Amiri, bringing his long sword down hard on the goblin. "Time to die, goblin."
Valeros's long sword cuts the goblin down and he falls to the street unconscious, his cheeks bright in the sun.
The coughing goblin bursts out of the tent it entered moments before, this time wearing a jaunty festival hat and still hacking from coughing fits, running to attack Valeros while the third one closes on Sajan.
Seoni moves over to the stage in the center of the square and attempts to jump up onto it, but is unable to.
"Ah!" she yells, stubbing her toe with a curse.
Never having been the athletic type, Seoni is unable to leap up the four feet to the stage, and instead scrambles up it.
Merisiel hustles forward and stabs the coughing goblin in the back while it is distracted by Valeros.
"Why are these goblins attacking?!" she yells as her rapier drives home.
The goblin lets out a shriek as Merisiel's rapier stabs through the leather armor protecting its back, answered by a less pained yell from the one in front of Sajan.
As the third goblin runs up to Sajan, he lashes out with a kick that the goblin ducks under.
"Blasted creature!"
Ezren sees the goblin attacking Sajan dodge a fierce kick and feels the adreneline start to move through his system.
His hands shaking, Ezren quickly loads his crossbow and fires at the goblin attacking Sajan, but the goblin ducks behind the human, using his larger body for cover.
"Son of a -!"
Ezren's shot sails wide!
Amiri smiles, drawing her enormous bastard sword out. "Play time."
Her swing hits the goblin square in the face, hard and fast and deep.
Amiri's swing nearly takes the jaw off the small screeching goblin, spinning it fully around and dropping it to the dirt in a spray of blood, killing it!
Two goblin's lie dead or dying on the streets of Sandpoint, and you can hear the hue and cry indicating others are in the town as well.
Moving quickly Merisiel flanks the last goblin, driving her rapier home again!
"Álfur tík!" the goblin roars, unable to block your rapier stabbing him in the back.
Amiri roars and runs at the final goblin, hitting it so hard she lifts it off the ground.
The final goblin slams to the ground dead! Looking around you, there are still a few people here and there cowering at the edges of the town square. You smell smoke on the air and can hear a muddled cacophony of yells in the distance combined with guttural goblin voices.
Amiri, breathing hard, looks around at the chaos around her. "Why are goblin's attacking? Is this Darguun?"
Ezren reloads his crossbow, looking over at Amiri. "This isn't an invasion."
"This close to the border its got to be Droamm." Valeros curses, wiping his blade off on the backside of the goblin. "Where is this ones pants?"
"You don't know it's not an invasion." Merisiel argues, pulling out a dagger in her other hand. "If anybody would invade, it'd be those monsters."
"We've seen three goblins. This is hardly an invasion." Sajan says calmly.
Seoni finishes climbing up onto the center stage. "Why are they attacking the town? Shouldn't they be harassing the caravans on the road at most?"
With a roar, several more goblins come running into the plaza from just south of the temple!
Four goblins carrying torches and one goblin who seems to be chanting more of that guttural song come into the square.
One, its leather armor painted with splotches of blue breaks off and runs to the stage where Seoni is!